Tamtam1 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Yes different brands can have different effects, when I was on prozac my pharmacy switched brands and I started feeling very off like something wasn't right, and I just knew it was the new prozac. Well I found another pharmacy that had my prozac and sure enough when I started back on that one everything went back to "normal" Took 20mg of Prozac from March 2005 until May 2014 with a couple of breaks in there, my last break was 6-7months in 2008. Tapered every other day for a couple of weeks May 2014 and quit, only symptom was rage for a couple of weeks. August 2014-major stress in life insomnia started, tried taking Prozac for 4 days and started twitching and moncylonic jerks. stopped taking it, wasn't my generic I thought that was the problem, my Prozac was unavailable for 6 weeks so I waited. October 2014- took my generic Prozac for a couple of days, twitching and jerking starts again so I stopped. November 2014-OCD make a very unwelcome appearance so I decide to start at 10mg of Prozac and it works for a couple of weeks, I am sleeping and feeling like me again, after 2 1/2 weeks insomnia kicks in and in the next couple of days the twitching and jerking start again. So I wean off in one week and that's when the problems begin. December 2014-stop the Prozac, symptoms begin. waking between 3-4 every morning with panic, tremors in back of head, waking up to my entire body vibrating, suicidal, anxiety, eyes blurry, feeling off balance reacting to sleep aids. February 2015-first window lasted a day. May 2015- 2 week window (it was beautiful) June 2015-became depressed, but lifted at the end of the month, had a couple mild waves, but can absolutely tell they are not as bad as 6 months ago. Link to comment
pug Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Multi I hope that some relief from will come your way very soon, and that a window will open up for you. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Dear TamTam, dear pug, thank you for your words! They are so important for! Just thank you! I got my original brand of the pills again and will start taking them tonight again. Alto, I think I have to go back to 82.5mg. 70mg would still be too much of a jump for me, I guess. I hope that`s ok!!! And I will stay there and not cut around anymore until I got some stability. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 15, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 15, 2015 If you think 82.5mg is what you need, by all means take it and stay there for a good while. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 So I am back on 82.5mg. I really feel like dying every single day. I am reading the success stories here and all they do is make me cry because I just cannot imagine that I will EVER write my own success story. I feel like I reached a point of no way out. Today I had an appointment with a new doctor (not because I thought he would help in any way but because my mother keeps saying I "need" a doctor). I was soooo afraid to go there because I was so sure I would just freak out in his office. I told him my story and showed him a list with all my symptoms and the only thing he wanted to know was whether my aggression is against myself or against other and if there is a risk that I might attack him. JESUS!!!!!! These %(§/)/§)%/§) bastards!!!! After that, I had an appointment with my traditional healer (I don`t know the word in english) and she did some acupuncture and hypnosis. Both was good and made things a bit better for as long as she was working with me. A minute after I left her house I was back into hell. The agitation is really killing me and I don`t know how much longer I will stand it. It is 24 hours a day and it is getting worse. This is not going to work. I know the benzo is causing most of my symptoms and the more I read about benzos and how to taper them, the scarier it gets. I just did EVERYTHING wrong (I just didn`t know) that can be done wrong and now I am not able to handle the results. I am in bed and my stress level is so high that I cannot breath normally and cannot stop making strange moves with my arms and legs. I change position every minute. Can anybody please send me a link to the benzo section? I really really really don`t want to give up but it is so unbearable and I reached the point where I prefer being on a benzo than being dead. This is so brutal..... 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 17, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 17, 2015 http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-forum/ 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thank you brassmonkey! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
pug Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Sending you a wish for some relief and to feel better. Keep reading the success stories here and anywhere you can find them, they are a lifeline for all of us and show us that we can do this and have a bright future. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thank you, Pug!! Yes, the success stories are really my lifeline and I read them again and again. I hope, your windows will become bigger soon!!!!! Thank you!! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 I just want to let you know that I am almost back to my "normal" hell, means the Lamictal updose worked. Jesus....thank god!! And I realize that, as soon as it is even a little little bit possible, I go out for walks or to the forest. The last two days I even met a friend and walked his dog with him. I realize more and more that -and maybe that is because I am in wd for almost 3 years now, without being able to live a "normal" life- I do need something that gives me some kind of sense. So the plan is to go to our local animal shelter this weekend and ask if I can take a dog for a walk with me from time to time. As soon as I let myself go or as soon as I feel just too bad -like during my lamictal "project" and stay inside my apartment all day I really start going crazy and losing hope completely. But as soon as I am out, it IS a bit better....or maybe it`s not better but at least I am a bit distracted and don`t feel it that much. Just so that there is no misunderstanding. I am not at all feeling anything like "good", not even "OK". It is hell but I have to stay active and try to find a meaning in some things so that this hopelessness and despair don`t overwhelm me. I really really REALLY recommend going to the nature! Even if it`s only for a short time a day. I tried meditation a million times but my brain is just to active and loud and crazy to concentrate even for some seconds. But going to the nature and just sitting down between the trees, closing my eyes, listening to the different things there calms me down immensly. Just my thoughts for today. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 20, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 20, 2015 Dog energy is one of the most healing (no pun intended) powers there is. I think this is a wonderful plan. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted August 20, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 20, 2015 Excellent news Multi. Thanks for letting us know.. and I too really like the dog initiative. Way to go. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 This morning I had an appointment with my therapist and the subject was that and why I broke up my relationship. I keep telling him that it`s because of the withdrawal and that I am not able to handle a relationship at this point because of all of the intense symptoms and because I am feeling so very bad. He did not get any of that and kept telling that all my childhood problems are coming out now and that I have a general problem with relationships. Well...I have NOT (at least never before wd started). I knew he wouldn`t understand me and I know I shouldn`t take it to serious what he tells me but again, when I left I was very confused and kept asking myself "but what, if he`s right?" (I know he is NOT). I started to look online for psychotherapeutical clinics because I thought (again) I need help and I have to go to a clinic because I am just a huge mess and depression and despair started to overwhelm me again. But then on my way back home I met my dog-friend at the riverside and he asked me to play a bit with the dog. I did.....and instead of a "bit" I was there for 8 hours and had a (for the circumstances) very nice time at the riverside including a lot of sun, bathing in the river, playing with the dog and having a pizza there. I felt horrible before, during and after the therapist and I am still thinking "but what, if he is just right??? And what, if I am just a mental wrack that is not able anymore to ever have a relationship again???" I am very very afraid that he might be right. But the thing is, I NEVER had problems with having a relationship before and I always WANTED to be close. Now it caused so much stress that I couldn`t handle it (I was and still am so in love and it`s breaking my heart that I had to break up). But the day ended so much better than expected and I am thankful for that!!! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 21, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 21, 2015 The therapist is wrong. The dog energy is right. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skyler Posted August 21, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 21, 2015 The therapist is on a permanent lunch break.... responded at further length in a PM. As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule. Requip - 3/16 ZERO Total time on 25 years. Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10) Total time on 25 years. Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section. "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Alto, Skyler, puuuuuh!!!!!! Thank you!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! And damn yes, he IS wrong!!!! And I will not allow myself to let that subject become a problem now, since it never was before! I am doggy-groggy Good night for today! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Djones1984 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Hi I just wanted to chime in and say hello! I am so sorry you have to go through this and I feel your pain. I too was poly drugged over the years and have had all your syptoms and more. For the first 9 months in withdrawl I could do nothing and was hospitalized twice where they gave me more pills until I said no more and found sites like this to realize what was happening. Just wanted to let you know you are not doomed forever and you will recover just not as fast as you would like. I am still on low dose of a benzo and relize now how far I have come since 3 years ago when all this begun. April 2013 Doc put me back on 40mg of celexa for 2.5 weeks than switched to Paxil 3 weeks adverse reaction and kindling reaction July 2013 5mg celexa and .5mg klonopin daily 5/15/16 started lamictal and currently at 25mg daily once a day. 1/1/17 crossed over from .5mg klonopin to 10mg Valium. 3/1/17 off celexa from getting down to around .25mg. 5/25/17 started tapering the Valium from 10mg to 9mg 6/25/17 dropped down to 8mg Valium currently on 8mg of Valium and 25mg of lamictal once a day in the morning never could handle more than 25mg of lamictal and never really felt anything from it. 7/2/17 updosed to 10mg Valium and holding split twice a day and holding. 3/1/18 dropped Valium from 10mg to 9.5mg 4/1/18 dropped Valium from 9.5 to 9mg still on 25mg lamictal. Updosed 6/20/18 Valium 10mg and 25mg lamictal and holding. Link to comment
Djones1984 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 I would say don't mess with the lamictal for at least 6 months and I would only reinstate the benzo as a last resort. If you do reinstate the benzo I would split dose up twice a day morning and night and start with a very low dose. I think you will be feeling much better in 6 months to a year if you just don't mess with anything and stabilize. I would also take a good quality fish oil as it has helped me. Hope the best for you! April 2013 Doc put me back on 40mg of celexa for 2.5 weeks than switched to Paxil 3 weeks adverse reaction and kindling reaction July 2013 5mg celexa and .5mg klonopin daily 5/15/16 started lamictal and currently at 25mg daily once a day. 1/1/17 crossed over from .5mg klonopin to 10mg Valium. 3/1/17 off celexa from getting down to around .25mg. 5/25/17 started tapering the Valium from 10mg to 9mg 6/25/17 dropped down to 8mg Valium currently on 8mg of Valium and 25mg of lamictal once a day in the morning never could handle more than 25mg of lamictal and never really felt anything from it. 7/2/17 updosed to 10mg Valium and holding split twice a day and holding. 3/1/18 dropped Valium from 10mg to 9.5mg 4/1/18 dropped Valium from 9.5 to 9mg still on 25mg lamictal. Updosed 6/20/18 Valium 10mg and 25mg lamictal and holding. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 Dear Djones, thank you for stepping by, guess we are in the same place since we are/were both poly drugged and paying the prize now. May I ask if you are feeling at least a bit better? Having to deal with that every day for a long time is the most horrible thing I ever experienced and the biggest challenge I will ever have to face up. The one thing I know for sure is, if I make it through withdrawal, I will make it through everything!!! Thanks for the advice for the fish oil. I take a high dose for some months now. I don`t really feel anything but I hope it helps, anyway. I can say that, as long as I stay active it is a bit easier to make it through the day. As soon as I sit still and don`t move myself things get worse and hopelessness is always right around the corner. I hope you can stabilize soon and also wish the best for you!! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Djones1984 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Yes I am better than I was! Far from healed but I think we have to just except this is a long process and move forward until one day we are free and a lot stronger of a person for it. Nothing in life is permanent. April 2013 Doc put me back on 40mg of celexa for 2.5 weeks than switched to Paxil 3 weeks adverse reaction and kindling reaction July 2013 5mg celexa and .5mg klonopin daily 5/15/16 started lamictal and currently at 25mg daily once a day. 1/1/17 crossed over from .5mg klonopin to 10mg Valium. 3/1/17 off celexa from getting down to around .25mg. 5/25/17 started tapering the Valium from 10mg to 9mg 6/25/17 dropped down to 8mg Valium currently on 8mg of Valium and 25mg of lamictal once a day in the morning never could handle more than 25mg of lamictal and never really felt anything from it. 7/2/17 updosed to 10mg Valium and holding split twice a day and holding. 3/1/18 dropped Valium from 10mg to 9.5mg 4/1/18 dropped Valium from 9.5 to 9mg still on 25mg lamictal. Updosed 6/20/18 Valium 10mg and 25mg lamictal and holding. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 I contacted a facility for addicted people today, told them about my situation and they said I could go and stay for a therapy there. They take people that used street drugs as well as people that took medicaments. When I told him that I maybe don`t have the right "indications" to go there because I was "only" on psych drugs, he said "well, don`t you think that whatever you take so that you don`t have to face reality is a hard enough drug?" (I am sorry, I cannot say it better in english but it was really smart what he said.) You have to be "clean" before you can go. The clinic is in an old monastery and is surrounded by 5 farms with a lot of animals where the patients work during the day. They also do their own farming and bake bread and have a vegetable garden and more things like that. I would also have the opportunity to join several sport groups there. The man on the phone told me that though it`s a clinic where I go, it doesn`t have a character of a clinic. The doors are never locked and friends and family are allowed to come and stay over the weekend. The stay there would be 6 months plus. I think this is a really good chance for me because I would have all the things I think I need to feel better, like the nature, some working which would mean something useful to do, other people (I became a real hermit in wd which isolates even more), therapy, sports.....and I hope, that this whole package will help me to handle wd a bit better and time will go by a bit faster and I will find some self-confidence again. I am a bit afraid though that it might be too much but I need more support than I can give to myself. Going to the forest for hours every day is good, but there are still so many hours left that I don`t know how to fill and during these hours I feel horrible and am always close to giving up. Maybe it will help....I hope it will.....and until then...I will walk with the dogs. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Multi drug interesting..I rent my flat from council so to go to the community (sounds similar work for people etc but not a clinic)..that I'm interested in, I would have to give up with flat..but I may still do it, I would be technically homeless but would be good environment for healing.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 24, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 24, 2015 Multidrug, this sounds like a pleasant place. But when they say "clean," do they mean off all drugs? Please do not rush your taper. Organizations that address addictive drugs, where people are greatly tempted to go back on them, often make people feel very guilty, sinful, etc. to scare them away from becoming re-addicted -- which is entirely inappropriate for those taking psychiatric drugs. My concern is that this facility will make you feel very bad about yourself for no good reason. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Love and Light, that sounds good! Will you give it a try? Alto, "clean" includes not psychiatric drugs! I asked about that. I didn`t think about what you mentioned, yet. But I think that would not be my problem. But only thinking about that there will be doctors is starting to scare me. I just want to have to do something in the nature. I think I am not at all ready for therapy yet because I lost myself completely in wd and wouldn`t even know how to tell them who I am, what is wd and what is me. Pffff....I was so sure it was the right thing to do this when I called them today. Now it seems so wrong. It is just that I HAVE to do something....waiting it out is not possible! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I feel the same but because there are no doctors at the community they may send me packing lol. It is for people with drug problems or health problems but I'm not sure what they'd make of me ha! I think they may say we are not qualified to keep you here or please go back on your medication for your drug induced withdarawal panic. So maybe when a bit more stable but don't think could handle right now 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Would you give up your home or..? 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 I got exactly the same thoughts!!! I am afraid they want to give me more drugs and VERY afraid that would just freak out there because of the stress or the anxiety. The only thing I was thinking about when I called them was me working on the farm, being surrounded by the animals. But puh....there will also be therapy...and doctors. Fortunately I would not have to give up my home. I did that before. I gave up my home and checked into a clinic. That was not a nice feeling! More like...just lost! But if you think it might be worth it...do it!!!!!! And if you think it might be too early, wait a bit longer! And maybe I should do the same! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Never know what to do..decision making,..gone..functioning..gone...reasoning..gone..positive thoughts lol gone.. For years I've lived like a nomad always need to run away didn't realise it was the drug! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Oh god...thank you!!!!!!!!! I thought I was the only one!!!!! Decision making...GONE....functioning...GONE....reasoning...GONE....positive thoughts...well...left the planet I guess! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Hello everybody, something happened and it really scares me to death. In february I fell in love. I knew it wasn`t a good moment because I was in the middle of wd but I said OK to a date anyway. We both fell in love and spent some weeks together non stop. Then, one day, I realized that something was strange in my head. Like a lot of noice that I couldn`t stop. It scared me a lot. I went to stay with my parents and on a sunday my love called me and said she wanted to come and visit me the next thursday. I said OK because I missed her and wanted to see her, too. BUT....from the moment I knew she would come until the moment she arrived I almost went crazy because I was stressed soooo much. I wanted to cancel but I didn`t. I felt like collapsing and just going crazy. Anyway, she came and stayed for two days. She knows about my situation and is really very understandable and gentle and nice. The two days she was there were very calm but anyway my head wouldn`t stop being so loud and my thoughts were racing so much. That didn`t stop until then. I got it every day all day and I have the feeling as if something is damaged. It doesn`t feel like withdrawal. Before that happened I knew everything that was happening in my head was "only" withdrawal. But now I think that there is something else. I have such an awful feeling behind my forehead that sometimes moves to the top of my head and then back again. Some weeks ago I told her I cannot have any contact in the moment but that doesn`t change anything. My mind is crazy and just won`t let go that subject. It feels like I lost my mind. I take a lot of vitamin B and some chinese herbs for stress but it doesn`t really help. Something is "different" and scares me to death. I am very very afraid of getting psychotic because I cannot stop the thoughts and their intensity. And I never read about anybody else having a thing like that. I am scared. Very scared. Does anyone maybe know that feeling? Thanks for any reply. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
KT38 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Hi Multidrug, I just came across this post and sympathize with you on the horrible agitation/irritability and just being out of your mind all the time. I tried 4 ADs within 2 months just for some panic attacks and now I am at the end of 5 months off and my head is still in complete chaos. Some things have gotten better, though, but the mental is pure torture. Be strong everyday and just keep telling yourself this is NOT you and tell your head to STOP. It helps some. Hoping you stabilize and recover soon! Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus). Link to comment
KT38 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 And please don't feel guilty if you are not able to do everyday normal things or go and do things you want to. This is a serious debilitating time of your life and it's ok not to be able to do everything. I have 2 kids I need to take care of and I now have to have my husband work from home so he can be here for me and help me. Do you have a support person or someone who you can live with for a while? Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus). Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted September 1, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 1, 2015 It's the drugs talking. This sounds like a variation of "what if" combined with the nonstop "crush" type thinking that is common in new love, all uncontrolled because of the effects of the WD. Don't make any rash decisions because of it. Also I would drop the Vitamin B supplements, they are well known to ramp up anxiety during WD. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Multidrug Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Dear KT, thank you for your words. I am sorry you feel so bad after only such a short time on these evil drugs. Hope you are lucky and will be out of this hell, soon!!!! Brassmonkey, I just started with the Vitamin B complex because it makes my thinking a bit less intense. It`s so awful that whole thing and falling in love and the result that I cannot handle it now feels like the final thing to break my neck. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted September 1, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 1, 2015 I will say the timing really stinks, but I'm a firm believer in "things happen when they are meant to". If she is kind, supportive, and understanding then do what you need to do, to keep her around. Open communications is a big key. If you have to back away for a few days try to explain why so she isn't left in the dark, and if she wants to give you support don't turn it down. If she has feeling for you then she will get frustrated because there really is nothing she can do even though she really wants to, so let her do things even if they don't really help. By letting her do them it shows you care enough to want her support, even if you can't express it in words. If those last three sentences make any sense at all to you, then you're well on your way to recovery. LOL If the two of you can make it through this, you will have a long happy life together. The big thing is to not scare yourself over the symptoms you're feeling. A fresh romance can be a very scary time and then throw the chaos of the drugs in on top of it and it could lead for a very stressful time. Being afraid of that stress will only make it worse. There is nothing you can do to relieve it so it is best to just let it go it's own way and live your life around it as best as you can, and it will gradually diminish as time passes. Also be sure to give her a big hug and thank her for being so supportive. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Multidrug Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Hello everyone, I want to give an update of the last weeks. So, I broke up my relationship because I couldn`t handle it. But what is going on since almost 4 months now is really not normal and cannot be only withdrawal. My symptoms got SO much worse!!!! It all started while I was still in the relationship and because I stressed myself SO much with that!!!! At the end of August I said I cannot go on like that and have to leave for now. I was already feeling very very strange then. At the beginning of September I had a nervous breakdown. I thought I would die. Things in my head were so loud, I jumped from crying to screaming and back all the time. My mother was so scared and did not know what to do anymore. I stayed in bed all the time praying not to go completely crazy. It was very very bad for two weeks, then I thought it was getting a bit better for 2 or 3 days. But now it is starting again and I am so scared. The smallest thing would be enough to make me loose my mind. I am so scared. And what really scares me the most is that I am unable to think. I cannot think anymore. Just sit there and stare. I don`t understand things anymore. It feels as if something is burned in my head and unable to go back to another state. I am so scared that I have to go to the hospital. I feel it is coming back again and there is just no way I will handle it a second time. I lost my mind and my nerves are broken. Shouldn`t withdrawal get better and not worse over time? Or did I just destroy everything by falling in love? My anxiety is so high that I am shaking all over, I am so dizzy again, but really the worst is that I cannot think anymore (even though my head is exploding by racing and running thoughts and I caught myself talking to myself, but only stupid and nonsense things). But I cannot "hear" my "normal" thoughts anymore. It feels like I ruined it. I am so so scared. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
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