Jump to content
dozaec

Venlafaxine and my wife leaving me

Recommended Posts

buggedout

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Reading your posts just breaks my heart. :(

 

It's clear to me that the Effexor has changed her. It changes people. I know from my own experience.

 

It should be illegal in my opinion.

 

I also think she is very lucky to have you. You have been incredibly understanding and supporting to her which is hard to find in a partner, when it comes to this sort of thing.

 

If she does indeed leave you, it's not likely for her to find someone else who will be good to her as you have been. She will likely want you back eventually and at that time you will have to make a decision. Unfortunately your challenges are only beginning.

 

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Hi Bugged,

 

Thanks for responding. As of now, yes she has left me. She did try to go after this guy who ended up cheating on her and now will not talk to her. She texted me, telling me about it and how i am such a good guy, helped set the bar high for people and although I didn't do everything perfect I was still good. Not sure how to take that, she is so up and down so it may have been one of those days.

 

We are talking more often now as actual people; mainly because I finally realized that yes the drugs were not the only reason. I am a terrible listener and communicator but she does admit she has changed due to the drugs, however still does not want to reduce her dosage until her Dr. says so.

 

We are meeting for coffee on Sunday to talk, she invited me out but mainly she says to talk about how I can grow and she wants to help. Who knows what will happen.

 

I'm pretty sure we are going to get this dissolution; although I don't think it means the end of any chance. I am really opening up to her and telling her I do not blame her for feeling the way she does, etc... trying to treat this more like a "normal" breakup, although it is definitely not.

Share this post


Link to post
buggedout

Good luck with your meeting. sounds like you are doing the best anyone could in your shoes. let us know how it goes. :)

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

I'm sure it will go terrible, lol.

 

My one friend suggests I tell her, without any emotion, that I love her and if she has any love left for me, even if it's deep down and buried, we can move past all this and figure something out. This doesn't mean she moves back or anything, just taking a week to think about it and perhaps restart dating. If she decides no I'll sign the dissolution and we never have to talk again.

Share this post


Link to post
dalsaan

Doezac

 

Why don't you just play it by ear instead of trying to push an outcome. Work on your listening skills, work on your communication skills, show her you can hear her needs and express your own.

 

By all means tell her you still love her but don't follow that up with a soft ultimatum. If she is the love of your life giving it a couple of months is neither here nor there.

 

Dalsaan

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Yes you are right dalsaan. I don't think I'm going to go with my friend's advice, she will just feel pressured.

 

Her best friend told me to focus on talking about how I am growing and improving, how I am doing this for myself. He said this is going to be critical and she is in a different place now; her obsession with this other guy has ended and she is feeling much more independent. She was definitely comparing me to this guy and decided he just was not worth it. 

 

We'll see how it goes. Despite that she has changed in the end and finally is admitting her medication was part of the reason.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Well some news I guess, my wife wants to meet tomorrow (Friday) instead at a ****** bar. She says she is excited and misses my face.

 

We texted a bit last night, but I was so tired I didn't want to get into anything too heavy. I think she did though because she went from really responsive to not, didn't even say goodnight which is weird for her. Although she was driving home when I texted it and it takes her like 30 mins to get back. 

 

I may be reading into the text conversation too much.

 

Unfortunately I had vivid nightmares about my grandparents and people trying to kill me. I texted her at like 1:30 a.m. because she was on FB earlier but then I noticed she logged off before I texted her so I assume she was asleep. I needed to talk to someone I was terrified.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Wow not sure what is happening now. Yesterday she was really coming onto me, first told me we had to stop she didn't want to lead me on but then started again. She told me basically she can't promise she is going to come back home and everything will be fine but basically she wants me. Told me if we date again we should take it slow though, maybe, she's not sure if she can take it slow. 

 

We are meeting up tonight, wish me luck! She wants to date "casually", whatever that means, but I am hearing from her best friend that she is indeed interested in dating me again but needs to see I am working on myself (and her on herself) and feel confident she isn't making a mistake.

Share this post


Link to post
buggedout

That's good news. I sincerely hope you get your wife back.  Good luck tonight!

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Eeeek! It's confirmed, we are meeting up. She wants me to even pick her up (good sign? dunno). 

 

She seems excited so that's good. We'll see!

Share this post


Link to post
dalsaan

Try not to interpret-good signs, bad signs. Just relax, be in the moment and listen to what she says

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

It went terrible. She was practically reverse of how she's been acting the days before. She was really mean to me and very off-putting for no reason. She did ask how I was working on myself and what I found out but it was very difficult to talk to her, she just seemed pissed off at me... I was open and candid, she is not really there yet.

 

She apparently does miss me but it's like she is back to where she was weeks ago. I guess she just had some sort of episode for a few days where she actually missed me. She told me multiple times we can go on dates still but I don't really want that if we are not going to be exclusive. 

 

Come to find out, she finally told me, she is now suffering from crippling depression, can barely support herself let alone her son and is just so... lost and a mess. She is very upset we can't communicate normally and that I can't be her friend and talk normally but that is not my problem, that's hers she can't talk to me normally.

 

I feel for her and her son but she brought this on herself. I sent her the dissolution paperwork.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Ummm... I just received a text from her friend that she is saying she wants to kill herself, she has less and less reason to live.

 

He is going to go over and be with her today, see if she needs to go to the hospital.

Share this post


Link to post
brassmonkey

Hi Dozaec-  I'm so sorry to hear about all the problems you have been having.  I can't offer much in the way of advice, but if you haven't read some of these threads they may shed some light on what is going on in her head;

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Even though she isn't in WD these should explain some of the actions these drugs cause and give you some insight.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Yea I don't think she's going to WD, she might be I have no idea if she takes her meds or anything. 

 

She might just be saying she is going to kill herself to be dramatic, who knows. She is in a very dark place right now, can hardly afford food or to help her own son.

 

I don't know if she can get supplemental assistance since we are still technically married but living apart, but she needs to apply. 

 

I'll check those articles, I can't really solve anything for her but she is definitely on some sort of horrible journey. This was like when we first started dating, after she was raped and had to quit her job, she was really, really depressed for a bit but was actually more functional than she is now.

 

I'm sad this is happening, I just want to cry. On top of that I found out Sunday my uncle is dying and my grandfather cannot walk now, he fell and was put in the hospital.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Wow so... of course I knew she would text me yesterday. Freaking out about buying a bus ticket and just leaving the state, leaving her son, her cat. 

 

We had a very depressing conversation via text, she is not doing well. I don't know what I can do to help besides listen. She did feel a little better talking to me but what can I do? Not much. 

 

I don't think she will leave but I don't know if any of my thoughts I gave her she will take to heart. She wanted to know what I thought, which she has done before then lied about what we talked about, so who knows what will happen.

 

I just want to not miss her anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Oh also she said she cannot connect with anyone anymore. I didn't bring up her meds but encouraged her to go to therapy and see her Dr. 

 

I may try once more if she is open to actually talking to send her some articles about disconnecting and SNRI's.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

I think I have separation anxiety or something I am very anxious today. Trying so hard not to text her... I thought she would at least reach out to say thanks for talking yesterday but I'm just so bent up right now. I hate when I get like this.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Ok so... yesterday she was saying how much she missed me and wanted to come over after she was done helping her friend at like 10 pm. I can't really see her, I told her I still want her. She still misses me a lot, wakes up everyday looking for me in her bed and is sad when I'm not there. She misses talking to me and our relationship we had, but she kind of left that and it hurt, a lot.

 

We had a good conversation about what she was feeling and what she wanted to do with her life. We talked about a fantasy life where we both run off together and travel for a bit in an RV, just see the country.

 

She wants so bad for me to be in her life but I'm not sure I can when I want to be with her still in a romantic sort of sense, it's too painful for me. I still love her... I didn't tell her that but I do.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Things have gotten worse. She has now threatened suicide twice, telling her best friend this and eventually telling her friend she lives with about it. 

 

My wife is basically two people now, a severely depressed and desperate person who is actually willing to talk and take advice and a manic, flippant person who is impulsive, puts on a happy face and justifies all of her actions. Some days she says she thinks clearly and others she is confused, she is still unsure if she made the right decision leaving she is not happy where she is at, being single and alone, but other days she bothers me about the paperwork, which is now in her hands. 

 

Here is what happened, after we talked early last week she changed into this flippant person. She has convinced this guy who she is obsessed with, the one who brushed her off and does not care about her, to sleep with her. She is his lapdog now and begs for his attention because she is "addicted" to it. It's exactly what she did to me, using sex to make sure I like her except I did like her this guy does not care. 

 

We talked Friday and she tried to get me to justify her actions, I did not and neither did her best friend. She said everyone thinks she is an idiot. I told her why they think that and she was defensive of course. 

 

I cannot talk to her anymore, not when she is like this. Somehow, someone needs to make sure she receives more intensive treatment. She's clearly has other issues beyond depression and PTSD; maybe borderline personality disorder or bipolar. Who knows. 

 

I am at a loss as to what to do, should I call her psychiatrist and ask? I don't want to receive a call that she actually tried to kill herself...

Share this post


Link to post
yyeehhaaww

If her psychiatrist does not know, they should if she is not telling them herself in my opinion.  How are you holding up?

Share this post


Link to post
Konjo

Any updates to your very dramatic and horrible story?

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

I plan on talking to my therapist tonight and see what he recommends regarding talking to her psychiatrist. 

 

I have so many updates it blows my mind:

 

After I tried to stop talking to her she texted me the following Monday, begging to see me, saying she needs support and feels miserable, is depressed, hopeless, and doesn't know if she can handle this. She was talking about everything from handling a job, her son, basic living to feeling miserable with this guy. She was first sad then angry at me then sad and then happy with me throughout the day. She asked me to meet her, I agreed eventually and she said something to the meaning of "You can't win me back if you don't hangout with me."

 

She tried to trap me saying she wants beer and sex and if I bring over beer we would have sex, but then I would cry and read too much into it. I yelled at her for being cruel. I said, "haha maybe if my concert is cancelled tonight" then she went off comparing me to this other guy, saying I am not better if I would come over just for that. I had to argue with her to make her realize I literally just said I will talk to her and we can meet up to chat. I JUST said that. Then she said something off the wall like "Hey at least I want to sleep with you still."

 

She apologized and calmed down, saying she can't control her thoughts or herself. Like 11 she texts me and asks me about my concert. I told her, told her about all the attractive women and she would enjoy it. Said that she would but not with me taking her, she would be jealous. (that I was looking at other women)

 

Later that week she texted me, every day, every single day. Thursday we texted and she asked to come over and go out. I took her to dinner and an arcade bar, it was awkward at first but ended up being a ton of fun. At the end of the night we went back to my place; she hugged me, I went to stop but she kept hugging and said I smelled really good. She looked up at me like she does when she wants to kiss, put her hand on my jaw. I couldn't bring myself to do it as much as I wanted to, my heart said yes my brain said wait. I moaned jokingly and she said "Don't moan at me! We'll hangout again soon."

 

Of course the following day she slept with that guy again. She texts me all the time, told me Sat. she did that and I went off on her. She actually appreciated that and said I was correct, she is just killing herself over this person who thinks sleeping with her is a mistake, that's what he tells her, that he does't want her in a relationship. I think she realized she just has a crush on someone who treats her like crap, they were not even dating a month, they really hardly know each other but she feels like she can escape reality while with him. She finally said she is done acting like a child with a crush, done hurting herself, and done with him. It was strange. 

 

What is scary is she doesn't remember talking to me the Monday before, nothing not even any topic we talked about.

 

The rest of the day she was kind of harsh to me. Following day she apologized and wanted to talk like all day but I was working in Houston. Told me she went on an internet date with a guy who was interesting but ultimately unimpressive, that she only did it to fill time because she's so lonely. She feels so horrible, etc... Later she tells me she is thinking of going back to school.

 

Monday I ask how she's holding up, we chat a bit and she is really excited about this school idea, moving somewhere and getting into a good school for her interest. I think it's great, she is really smart. I talk her up, etc... It's fine, we talk about that most of the day and what we are doing and what not. At like midnight, hours later, she texts me, saying thank you for being there and encouraging her, gives me a *hug*. 

 

Yesterday, she texts me about all these schools and what not. Is unsure if she can even do this and is like her usual self, going to defeat herself before trying. I encourage her and what not. She went car shopping and couldn't find anything, was upset her best friend is pissed at her over this (he took her to the car place) and is asking me why he's like that. I told her but she was acting like the victim and calmed down eventually. 

 

She asked when I was coming into town and wanted to hangout if she was feeling ok. But I didn't arrive until 11:30 so that was a bit late. She was lonely, says she misses this other guy well at least when he was nice. Said she knows I don't want to hear that and that she also really misses me but understands me at least. I tell her what I feel and what I want, this other guy left her in the dirt, confused (although it's not really confusing). I told her I miss her too, asked if she wanted to do something today or Friday, she said perhapsidly. We talked a bit more about her school idea then she went to bed. Again she was being really sweet, saying night night (the name she uses sometimes when being endearing) and thanked me for being there for her during tough times.

 

She talks with her best friend a little now, she was asking him if she should talk to me. Basically he said if she is not going to ask me out, which she sort of is doing, she shouldn't talk to me. Yet here she is talking to me everyday. 

 

It's just nuts, this whole thing is nuts. She knows that and keeps doing crazy things to escape her life.

 

She leans on me for help, guidance and to dump her issues; although she knows what I want. Some days I feel fine about this, can steel my emotions and heart, other days I am feeling a little hurt. I miss our relationship, it had issues but I have grown so much from this whole thing. our communication is better than it was when we were together just because it HAS to be and I am working on growing as a person. 

 

She CLEARLY misses me and told me she feels like she drags me along her rollercoaster of life. I said that is true but I am choosing to be here and talk to her. I'm waiting for her next depressive breakdown, where she won't remember talking to me. It's only a matter of days she falls down a pit again, maybe she'll listen to getting better help.

 

If she tells me she went back to this other guy I am done with her, finish our paperwork ASAP and just be done. I'm going to ask if she wants to go out Friday, talk to her in person, figure out what is happening.

Share this post


Link to post
johnson

I've been reading your story for a little while now. It sucks what you are going through, what this woman is putting you through and what you are putting yourself through.

 

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for you. It sounds like a mentally and emotionally draining one. I think you should get out of this situation as soon as you can. Doesn't sound very positive. The only thing you are to this woman is her comfort blanket. She needs help. Maybe you can offer her help as a friend or something like that. But nothing more then that.

 

Give yourself time and keep away from this woman. Remember out of sight out of mind. After enough time passes you'll forget about her and find a woman that will treat you right and never look back.

 

Just my two cents. This is how I see your relationship. Sorry if I sounded insensitive or offensive in anyway.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

No it's cool, plenty of people think the same, I do to at times. My therapist thinks the complete opposite, he says to stick with her, don't take everything she is doing and says as truly her controlling herself, and talk to her about going with her to her therapist or psychiatrist to discuss what is happening. Based on what I see and tell him, he thinks she is rapid cycling and may have an undiagnosed illness, like MPD, BPD, another mood disorder or Bipolar.

 

Not remembering conversations when she is extremely depressed, her dominating moods, being depressed on so much anti-depressants, obsession with a guy who is not what she thought he would be, suicidal thoughts, irritability, etc... If she becomes obstinate and refuses to seek other help at all then I should consider leaving, but for now wait it out as long as possible because she will either crash or stop cycling eventually.  

 

His recommendation is to send a letter to her psychiatrist and maybe therapist, then ask her if I can attend a meeting with her as support. She seems to be opening up and trusting me more and more but who knows what she is thinking. Clearly she still has feelings for me, she compliments me from time to time and stares at me in person.

 

We grabbed drinks yesterday, played a board game and chatted. She had a breakdown about being a terrible mother, not being able to really go after her want to obtain a college degree, her wasted time on this other guy, etc... She lashed out at me but apologized, asked me what I wanted again, asked me if I wanted her to move back in or what it was I thought. She didn't really say anything, just hugged me for a while.

 

Who knows how she'll be today she's completely a mess.

Share this post


Link to post
AnotherAnon

dozaec,

 

Damn guy, it hurts to read your story. This is a bit more excruciating and drawn out than our first big fall out, and that took the life out of me. She is obviously manic and very confused, exactly like the meds will do, but you know this already.  I know a lot of people will say it's time to move on. Repeated from above, out of sight out of mind. I think distance will be your best friend. But that is tricky because you probably feel like you need to protect her. 

Remember you cannot reason with her. Every time you talk you will only get your feelings hurt. Either because she's cruel, or because she is sweet and then the next day cruel again. It wont work until she's stabilized,

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Yea, she's been pretty receptive the past week. She knows how I feel now for sure.

 

She is aware when she is cruel but you are right, out of sight out of mind. I'm not sure why she keeps bringing up what I want, I told her repeatedly what I wanted. Last night she basically said "ok", which doesn't really mean anything but she apologized for being mean and what not via text. She feels broken. 

 

I'm going to make one last attempt to see if she'll go to her psychiatrist or therapist with me. Clearly something is wrong beyond normal depression.

Share this post


Link to post
AnotherAnon

Yea, she's been pretty receptive the past week. She knows how I feel now for sure.

 

She is aware when she is cruel but you are right, out of sight out of mind. I'm not sure why she keeps bringing up what I want, I told her repeatedly what I wanted. Last night she basically said "ok", which doesn't really mean anything but she apologized for being mean and what not via text. She feels broken. 

 

I'm going to make one last attempt to see if she'll go to her psychiatrist or therapist with me. Clearly something is wrong beyond normal depression.

 

Yeah, I'm in the same boat. Effexor definitely sparked mania in my SO and getting her off the effexor slowly pulled her out of it. And I thought that was it.

 

But she became hypomanic some months after delivering our child. It became so bad we went back to the meds, avoiding any antidepressants. Look, a lot of people here are very against these meds because they've been burned so badly, seen bad doctors, been misdiagnosed, etc. I do think they can cause a lot of harm. But I am at the point now where it's not working without meds and therapy is not touching it. Process of elimination says we need to try highly rated psychiatrist for medical treatment as a last course.  If we've exhausted all those resources then it is what it is. If your SO has been off the medicine for a while and is still not coming around (although it sounds like she *may* be starting to), then I don't see how finding a GOOD psychiatrist for a consult can hurt anything. I cannot stress enough - a GOOD, highly rated 5-star psychiatrist. There may be something that can pull her out of the mania, like depakote. What is left to lose?

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

She is on her meds, they help her not disassociate. That's about it at this point. 

 

If she goes off the meds, like misses even a day, she has withdrawal, sees things, hears things, becomes irrationally afraid. She cannot go off meds.

 

She might be on the wrong meds, maybe it is time to see if she'll see a different psychiatrist. She just goes to a hospital and sees a resident at this point.

 

She seems really confused, like she likes me deep down and also doesn't want to like me. All the questioning me about our dissolution and asking what I want over and over makes me wonder if she is questioning her path.

Share this post


Link to post
AnotherAnon

She is on her meds, they help her not disassociate. That's about it at this point. 

 

If she goes off the meds, like misses even a day, she has withdrawal, sees things, hears things, becomes irrationally afraid. She cannot go off meds.

 

She might be on the wrong meds, maybe it is time to see if she'll see a different psychiatrist. She just goes to a hospital and sees a resident at this point.

 

She seems really confused, like she likes me deep down and also doesn't want to like me. All the questioning me about our dissolution and asking what I want over and over makes me wonder if she is questioning her path.

Bingo - she is just seeing a resident! GO TO A PSYCH.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

She won't go I asked her today. It's over she has to crash and burn herself.

 

I'm just going to finish this dissolution and be done with it. If she doesn't have any room in her life for me as a partner then there is no hope.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

We met on Friday, she was feeling kind of down and just ready to figure herself out. She asked if we could go to dinner and hang out, so we did. Except it was a trap, in my view, she used it to create drama and bring up our relationship. Told me she really wanted our marriage to work, wasn't sure if she loved me still, is attracted to me but doesn't think we would work but isn't sure if she did everything she could to save our marriage. She misses me but not our relationship (which is weird because while we were together she said we were amazing together).  She'll say things like I don't understand her and then that I do understand her in the same conversation. It's very confusing. 

 

She seems to think nothing else is wrong beyond being simply depressed. Railed me about how her meds can't change and she can't take a lower dosage right now. She asked if I think she is nuts and something else is going on, I told her the truth which she at first seemed to accept then flipped and said I have no idea what I'm talking about. I told her objectively why I think that. She kept asking me questions like "What should I do? What is the answer?". 

 

I was not prepared for a fight or this tension, it caught me off guard we were just supposed to have dinner and try to be normal around each other. She can't do that with me, always wants to dump her issues on me or bring up stuff. 

 

She was being mean then nice; we are taking a 2 month break from talking but still are getting this dissolution done. I might ask to wait until the 2 months are over to file, to clear all this tension between us and give us time to actually sort our feelings out.  I might not, I'm torn still. I love her to bits and miss her everyday, I'd rather not lose her (at least how I feel right now).

 

To me and even her best friend she still seems to have feelings for me and is denying them. He sees it clearly, she talks about me all the time, is mad at me then says I am such a good person to her. Everything is so mucked up...

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Nothing new in my story so far. She came over to grab a few items when I was at work; she misses our dog I said she could visit when I was at work.

 

Then she said "ergh man, I don't know what to do Polis." 

 

Which I thought was weird to say, I asked about what and she said the dog. (The dog? I just said you could visit) I think she might be missing our life together and trying to convince herself otherwise. Who knows though, talking to her rarely makes sense to me. 

 

I talked to an acquaintance who was asking what happened. She has been through the same exact thing, except she was where my wife is. She said it's likely the medication that changed her, but this is more about how she can be happy with herself then us and she likely still very much loves me. She's encouraging me to wait and try to get her to wait for these two months to be up.

 

Now I'm at the point where I am deciding whether to wait until she contacts me to bring up waiting or just ask her to get it over with.

Share this post


Link to post
dalsaan

What is the rush? It sounds to me like you are impatient for an outcome (either way) . Focussing on the end result usually means you aren't attentive in the moment. You are fixated on your wife, what she us doing, what that means, what you should do next.

 

Work on yourself, get clear about what you want, develop your communication and interpersonal skills work out whether you are prepared to give this time and have the capacity to do so

 

Read back through your posts - what do they say to you about where you are at and how you are engaging the issue?

 

This isn't an issue of blame it's about taking ownership of your life. To do this we have to be clear on who we are and what we want. We then have to act in accordance with that and there are no guarantees,

 

You seem to be in a reactionary mode - to what your wife does, to what her friends say etc, seeking to interpret what it all means and how you can get your wife to respond in the way you want. That's not a good place to be in. I recommend you get some professional face to face help.

Share this post


Link to post
dozaec

Hi dalsaan,

 

You are right I am reactionary, thank you for pointing that out. I am focused on her, I have a mildly obsessive personality, I miss her a ton and she has reached out to me, told me a lot. It's difficult for me not to miss her and be worried, she talks about suicidal thoughts. I do search for a ray of hope, when I shouldn't focus on that, especially since what she says can make no sense some days. I am likely in a rush because I don't know if she is going to be amiable to wait for 2 months before deciding on the dissolution. My therapist advises me to clear my head during these two months and ask her to wait for my sake. I have trouble dealing with rejection and loss.

 

Reality is I do not want to get the dissolution, I want to wait.

 

I am reacting to what her friend tells me, since my wife was not very clear to me and flip flops back and forth regarding what she feels. It's hard when she came to me asking for me to be there and then would randomly lash out and tear me down. 

 

I think I understand what you mean, work on myself to become an individual again. I have been reading self-help books on being emotionally available (this book really speaks to my experience and how I act/react), exercising a bit more and hanging out with friends a ton. Those have helped me. 

 

I do have help face to face, unfortunately he took a 2 weeks vacation, came back and then took another 1 week vacation so now I have to wait until NEXT weekend to see him again. He has been helping me with stopping to focus so much on my wife, learning to be a little more patient and increasing my self worth. I used to be very confident in myself but that wore away over time.

 

I guess the good news is we haven't really spoken for over a week. No lashing out, no pain just sadness. 

 

I need help keeping this in perspective, that is why I come here :)

Share this post


Link to post
brassmonkey

"Reality is I do not want to get the dissolution, I want to wait."

 

In matters of the heart, you have to do what the heart tells you.  Back when you first joined I mentioned to you my experiences coming at it from our wife's point of view.  This is a very long, slow, frustrating and painful process, but if the feelings are there on your part that will give you the strength to believe that they are still there on her part.  If her feelings are like mine were they are still there but buried deep for their own safety and being camouflaged by a ton of confusing contradictory thoughts.  For the foreseeable future you need to watch out for number 1, develop a support network, manage your finances and maintain your mental and physical health.  All this while giving her what ever support is required, shoulder to cry on, free space etc. all in the same breath the whole while truly believing that it will all work out.  It's not going to be an overnight thing, but love can make wonderful things happen.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...