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Finding meaning through work


Katy91

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I hate my job - I'm an accountant. I have spent countless hours fantasising about changing my job.  Literally hours and hours searching on the internet for different jobs.  I think having a job with meaning would make such a different to my life because I don't really have a life.  I have just a couple of friends who I see occasionally and I don't have any hobbies or any enthusiasm for trying something new.  I could join a social club but I think it would be overwhelming stressful.  I find it very difficult to make conversation with new people.

 

Anyway in terms of changing my job I don't think I can afford it.  I couldn't afford to pay the bills on £15k a year.  I suppose people who can live on this sort of salary have a supportive partner who can help pay the bills.

 

Do you have a job that you find meaningful or are you able to find meaning in life outside work?

Olanzapine 10mg  Dec 2007 - Jun 2008

Olanzapine 10mg Sep 2009 - Apr 2010

Olanzapine 10mg Aug 2010 - April 2011

Olanzapine 10mg Jan 2012 - Jun 2012

Lithium 800mg Jun 2012 - Dec 2013

Lorazapam 1mg Nov 2012 - Dec 2013

Diazepam 2mg Nov 2012 - Dec 2013

Olanzapine 20mg Jan 2014 to May 2014

Olanzapine 5mg May 2014 - May 2015

tapering 0.1mg every 7 days

 

1mg melatonin

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Well what would you like to do? :) I'm love hearing people's dreams..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Maybe psychologist, nurse, midwife.

Olanzapine 10mg  Dec 2007 - Jun 2008

Olanzapine 10mg Sep 2009 - Apr 2010

Olanzapine 10mg Aug 2010 - April 2011

Olanzapine 10mg Jan 2012 - Jun 2012

Lithium 800mg Jun 2012 - Dec 2013

Lorazapam 1mg Nov 2012 - Dec 2013

Diazepam 2mg Nov 2012 - Dec 2013

Olanzapine 20mg Jan 2014 to May 2014

Olanzapine 5mg May 2014 - May 2015

tapering 0.1mg every 7 days

 

1mg melatonin

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if youre looking to switch to something more fulfilling, especially something that would mean taking an unworkable financial hit, i would recommend trying to transition over time.  even just working on your dream can be more encouraging than sitting back and wishing and feeling daunted by the practicalities.

 

all those things you mentioned in your second post can involve taking classes and certification tests and stuff---you can be studying, learning, or even be enrolled in night or online classes that get you closer to your goals while still working your old job.  it might be very slow going if youre pressed for time and energy, but even just independent study until you have some time or money to take actual certification courses could really help you along.

 

they sound like potentially noble and more fulfilling occupations, too.  and as for closing the pay gap, perhaps working towards having a more generalized practice that involves multiple focal groups so that you get enough continual employment would make it more feasible (assuming your listing of three things wasnt just your single dream job already).  those are also very social jobs, compared to your current one, and i agree that youd probably find more peers and social satisfaction in those types of settings.

 

after i quit the meds, i decided to pursue an art career after spending all the drugged-out time figuring it was a practical impossibility.  im too sick from withdrawal to make great strides in some areas, but im building the framework and really think its a possibility in ways i did not believe while i was still on meds.  if im going to go all-in to something in life, it might as well be what i feel best about.

from 2005-2012, i spent 7 years taking 17 different psychotropic medications covering several classes.  i would be taking 3-7 medications at a time, and 6 out of the 17 medications listed below were maxed or overmaxed in clinical dosage before i moved on to trying the next unhelpful cocktail.
 
antidepressants (SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, tetracyclics): zoloft, wellbutrin, effexor, lexapro, prozac, cymbalta, remeron
antipsychotics (atypical): abilify, zyprexa, risperdal, geodon
sleep aids (benzos, off-label antidepressants & antipsychotics, hypnotics): seroquel, temazepam, trazodone, ambien
anxiolytics: buspar
anticonvulsants: topamax
 
i tapered off all psychotropics from late 2011 through early 2013, one by one.  since quitting, ive been cycling through severe, disabling withdrawal symptoms spanning the gamut of the serious, less serious, and rather worrisome side effects of these assorted medications.  previous cross-tapering and medication or dosage changes had also caused undiagnosed withdrawal symptoms.
 
brainpan addlepation

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Hi :wub:  !

I'm from Italy and there is a high incidence of unemployment here... here you are considered lucky if, at least, you have a temporay job (that you may also hate).  ;)

A lot of graduated people (engeneers, lawyers, scientists) still live with their family because they can't find a job, industries are closing and salaries are low.

This leads to a general depression climate and a lot of uncertainty for the future. (anti depressant prescriptions are growing exponentially  :wacko: )

So usually you can't dream of having a different job because you'll never find it.  :( it's very sad. I'm sure in us and uk things are better.  ^_^

 

Personally, I have to admit it, I'm quite lucky....I don't have long term certanities, but now I have a temporaty job in a library and also a phd position (btw it's very hard to work and study because I'm feeling bad for w\d).

Having a job it's a double sided coin, it's very useful to distract your mind, but it can also causes a lot of unwanted stress....

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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You might hate your job, but at least you have an income.  You think you have difficulties now?  Just wait until you switch over to something you love doing and cannot afford to pay the bills.  Having a steady income makes a tremendous amount of difference in life, and allows us the luxury of thinking about things we could not possibly have considered thinking of when we're trying to make ends meet and worrying about the future.

 

I realize that your job might be awful and you might hate it, but it's very rare in life that people do something that they love.  Extremely rare.  This is just the reality of life on Earth today, most people will never do something they love.  I would suggest trying to accept the situation as best you can through meditation, etc.  I've always found acceptance to be very helpful.

 

I don't have much other advice.  Perhaps write a gratitude list?

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  • 10 months later...

While I am waiting by the dentist, I read Osks post and could not hold it not to tell my opinion. I dont think that it is better to have unwanted job with big income compared to smaller income and your favourite job. I think the people are good only in things they like and the progress takes place only if people really do their job with passion. In other case you will waste your capabilities with jobs which dont make you happy. It is like to marry someone whom you love and is poor compared to wealthy old man where you dont have any fancy in him. I would take the first option as you have only one life and what you feel is the most important.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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I would love to have done a PhD and made enquiries before leaving Canada. Even had a number of research areas to literature review.

 

But having been non-resident for several years, I am not eligible for funding. To self-fund would cost ££££s per year.

 

As we have been living off savings for the last few months including the huge cost of moving transatlantic, going into academia at this stage in my life isn't an option.

 

Period.

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD

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