Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Tanabear

Struggling with feeling emotionally abandoned ...

Recommended Posts

Tanabear

My history- four years on Cipralex (20mg) for GAD. Quit cold turkey two weeks ago. 

 

Hi, sorry for a needy first post, I'm having a rough day and didn't know where else to turn. I have been married seven years, and my anxiety/depression had been an issue in our marriage. My anxiety was also giving me issues with my stomach, so my doctor put me on 20mg Cipralex four years ago, and it cleared up my stomach problems right away, and balanced my mood and made me relax. Our marriage got better. However the last year or so, I've found myself lethargic, not wanting to get out of bed, almost seeming depressed without actually FEELING depressed (if that makes sense at all) so my doctor recommended tapering off. I did, and lasted four days before a fight with my husband made me get back on my meds. Flash forward to two weeks ago, and after a particularly bad fight with my husband, with him telling me he was sick of seeing me in bed all the time and that I needed to get back into life, I tossed the rest of my pills in the toilet and began life without Cipralex. 

 

Now, I will say that the first while was ok...sure I had really bad physical symptoms (brain zaps, dizziness, vivid dreams, nausea etc) but I could deal with that, and thankfully our work situation allowed me to rest as much as I needed (self employed from home). My moods were optimistic, and upbeat...no real conflicts. But today was brutal. The reason for fighting isn't even a big deal (he cancelled dinner plans with me last minute to take a job) and I got upset because, well, I got upset. I was naturally bummed about the dinner plans but for some reason it escalated. He told me he was sick of me still being in bed all day since coming off the meds, that I wasn't doing enough for him, that I wasn't being a supportive wife. I lost my mind. I threw my laptop, screamed, cried, and felt like I wanted to just jump off the balcony. I told him I've been in bed because I've been dealing with the detox/withdrawal and that I needed time to get back on my feet and his only response was "well what am I supposed to do then?"....I feel like he didn't like the person I was on the meds and he doesn't like the person I am OFF the meds...I feel like I can't win. I can't be the person he needs, or wants. All I want is just to get through this rough patch so I can come out on the other side but I'm not recovering fast enough for him and its like I can't do anything right. Now I want to get back on them so at least I won't have to feel the panicky rage that I felt this afternoon when he was yelling at me. I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to self harm, I don't want to feel in emotional pain, I just want to be normal and have him not be mad at me. 

 

Has anyone else struggled with their spouse and how they're coping? I don't know what to do...part of me just wants to push myself out of bed and do what he wants, another part of me wants to just say "screw it" and get back on the meds (even though I know thats not really what I need to be doing) and another part of me just wants to scream "**** you" to him for not wanting to support me through this withdrawl. What should I do? :(

Share this post


Link to post
Meimeiquest

Hi Tanabear,

 

Sorry it is so hard and complicated. Have you made an introduction for yourself in that section? The mods will find you more easily there. Basically, "throwing the pills in the toilet" hasn't gone so well for folks here, we need a more gradual and gentle separation from the drugs' effects. Maybe you could restart a bit? Write your story in the intro section and folks will be along to help. Wishing you and your husband the best!

Share this post


Link to post
Petunia

Welcome Tanabear,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time at the moment. As Meimei suggested, posting an introduction in our Introductions and updates  section would be the best way for us to help you with your medication situation. It sounds like you need to reinstate a small amount of Cipralex as soon as possible and then stabilize for a while, then you can start a proper, safe taper, which we can also help you with.

 

This is the best section for you to get support for your relationship issue and others may be along to share their experiences or offer suggestions. My marriage ended while I was still on medication and then another relationship ended right after I stopped taking it and now I'm drug free but alone, so I wouldn't know where to start with giving relationship advice. From my experience, relationships are difficult at the best of times, when you add drug effects to the mix, things can often change in either direction quite quickly and in a relationship which is already stressed, it can magnify the underlying problems.

Share this post


Link to post
KT38

How are you doing now TanaBear?

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.