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csm2014

The emotional aspect of using psych med forums

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csm2014

I personally have found this forum and one other to be an invaluable wealth of knowledge and educational data with nothing but supportive folks who have already "been there/done that", volunteering their time and effort. Thus, out of respect to them, I will always try and keep a more rational, proactive, and scientific approach rather than a reactive and emotional one which serves no purpose but to add unwanted burden with which we each already have enough of. No where else could this information be culled and absorbed, especially in terms of correct tapering, certainly not via 99% of mainstream docs out there that produce more "permanent patient" victims from ignorant tapering protocols than successes that are able to move on with their lives and put this behind them.

Nonetheless, I’ve observed a few former members who post briefly and then suddenly disappear. The reason (as one put it): “Too many horror stories to read, sets me back.”  

 

Of course that statement came from someone who had experienced a rapid taper and had a history of GAD/PTSD. Granted, it is not uncommon for anxiety and depressive ruminations to ramp up (especially during a taper) from reading about others’ suffering, but isn't that to be expected as part of the process of due diligence when confronted with the formidable task of tapering off very powerful psych meds? Reading "downer" posts is unavoidable as part of the research process and I think a small price to pay in terms of bashing one's morale for a day or two as long as you get the right taper plan down, because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. Based on my observations, 99% of those that suffer peri or post taper are typically the ones who either C/T’d or rapid-tapered, of which I see little difference.

I think the thing we all have to keep in mind is to not let others' issues affect our own (easier said than done) and realize that everyone’s histories, issues, tapers, whatever, are entirely unique unto themselves and cannot be held as a one-size-fits-all sentence for our own tapers and their respective outcomes.  Nonetheless, it can still be a double-edged sword. It takes that mental fortitude to separate it all out and just do what we have to do, get the data we need and go on about a taper that produces the least amount of withdrawal so we can move back on to the business of living our lives.


MEDS SUMMARY:

1) Valium: 10mg avg prn from 09-06-14 to 10-20-14
2) Xanax: 0.75mg avg prn from from 09-19-14 to 10-16-14
3) Lexapro: 5mg q.d. from 10-06-14 to 10-16-14
4) switched immediately to Clonazepam: 0.5mg average/day for 2 weeks (10-17-24-10-30-14); titrated to 1mg (0.5mg bid) on 10-31-14 to present; started microtaper @ .625% (.0031250mg x 2) from 08-09-15 to 08-15-15; .800% (.0038750mg x 2) from 08-16-15 to present; destabilized 08-19-15 (due to change from original tablet); reinstated, on day 54, and have tapered a total of 14% as of 09-30-15 with zero symptoms (knock on wood)!
5) Lamictal: 100mg q.d. from 10-23-14 to 12-04-14; started tapering 12-05-14, 25mg every 2 weeks; destabilized 01-15-14; reinstated 01-22-15 at 25mg q.d. from 01-24-15 to 02-19-15; cut approx. 3-4mg every 5-10 days until 03-22-15, then cut 2mg every 5-6 days until 05-12-15; holding at 4mg q.d. from 05-13-15 to present.
Detailed Analysis - Lamictal history: https://app.box.com/s/rnermghleue9aemyhd57l1a00gsk2i4u

6) Also taking meds for blood pressure (Coreg @ 6.25mg b.i.d. and Losartan @ 50mg b.i.d.) + for blood clot I had back in 2012 (Xarelto @ 10mg) + for hypothyroidism (Armour Thyroid @ 1grain q.d.)

 

HISTORY & SUPPLEMENT LIST: https://app.box.com/s/mc9mch8za2lbizgs9z8j4mzhz2oswn8l

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Marta

It's not easy at all of course.......also search on google bad stories like " bla bla forever, chronic and so on", worst thing to do.

 

It's true that one-size-fits-all it's not the best but at least is something.

I, personally, have a strict scientific formation and I try to be always rational and realistc BUT in this period (hopefully a period) it's very very hard and the "supportive" approach is much better.

Sorry if my answer adds nothing to what you said!

Cheers!


Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can SURVIVE!06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10mg (for master degree last year deep stress and abdominal pain somatization) 02/2015 - 04/2015 tapering from 10mg to 0mg for 4/3 weeks FREE feeling totally "normal" then SUDDENLYnever-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, painc, fear, not able to cry, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat for ONE MONTH ZERO IMPROVEMENT30/05/2015 CAN'T bear anymore => reinstated 8mg 06/2015 same symptoms (my GP gave me also benzo for anxiety but I threw them away) 07/2015 same, few tiny improvemets 08/2015 general improving + trying a phosphate supplement (LOW dose) 09/2015 quite stable (supplement finished, no effect) 10/2015 start tapering 7mg 11/2015 6mg 12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg 2/2016 4mg 3/2016 3mg (hopefully) ->fail back to 4mg AGAIN....8/2016 3mg stable<p>

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Marta

Ps. Btw I still have a little faith on the "correct" medical research


Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can SURVIVE!06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10mg (for master degree last year deep stress and abdominal pain somatization) 02/2015 - 04/2015 tapering from 10mg to 0mg for 4/3 weeks FREE feeling totally "normal" then SUDDENLYnever-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, painc, fear, not able to cry, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat for ONE MONTH ZERO IMPROVEMENT30/05/2015 CAN'T bear anymore => reinstated 8mg 06/2015 same symptoms (my GP gave me also benzo for anxiety but I threw them away) 07/2015 same, few tiny improvemets 08/2015 general improving + trying a phosphate supplement (LOW dose) 09/2015 quite stable (supplement finished, no effect) 10/2015 start tapering 7mg 11/2015 6mg 12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg 2/2016 4mg 3/2016 3mg (hopefully) ->fail back to 4mg AGAIN....8/2016 3mg stable<p>

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ikam

I personally lost my hope when it comes to the research, but believe that healing is possible :)


- 9.08- doxepin, 75mg

- 10.07- doxepin, 100mg

- 27.06- reduced doxepin to 125mg

- May 2020, omeprazole 40mg switched to esomeprazole 20mg

- 2012 re-started Doxepin 75mg, evening. Increased to 150mg

- 2012, Atenolol 25mg, twice a day

- 2016, Low dose of HRT in evening, Sandrena and Utrogestan 

- Long terms of Nasal spray Otrivine

- 2012, PPI Omeprazole 40mg-evening

24.10.2014- Started ESCITALOPRAM-first 5mg and then 10mg; due to the adverse symptoms reduced on 5.01.2015- Escitalopram- 2.5mg 22.07.2016- re-started reduction by 1% at a time. Completed tappering on  19.03.2020 😇

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manymoretodays

yes, there can and is a highly emotional aspect to using psych med withdrawal forums.

 

no two stories are alike and if some of the CT aspects came about from withdrawal issues to begin with I will not beat myself up for stupidity when that stupidity was actually part of my withdrawal process.

 

nope.....can't go back and do it differently.

 

i don't know.......we are the research......i mean is there anyone so organized here that wants to have us do questionnaires and then run them through some kind of clinical research procedure........i mean p values and all that........will that yield any truth for further sufferers on the quest?  It might.  I'm game.  I could brainstorm anyway.

 

gotta believe in healing even when what exactly that is .......remains unknown.......i am certain i will know it when it hits and already have experienced a bit, a taste, enough to keep going.

 

but yeah......I acknowledge an emotional aspect to using the forum.  this is really the only one i use as far as withdrawal goes.  i did look at one on Lexapro and it was comforting to hear someone acknowledge the illusions/delusions shortly after being off of one evil drug for me..........and it takes awhile to rationally get over such an experience when you/I are past it.........i mean mine wasn't so bad and there are still remnants hanging around in my psych.  I mean it was the total white light, which in reality, it is never going to be again..........but to remember it fondly helps.

 

today I am just going to go with.......weird IS the new normal..........just wish I could present it better and not feel so damn alone with it.

 

Thank you everybody here with all my respect and kind contact.......sheesh.......the tears again.......sunglasses are a great and wise invention.

 

my avatar is going to be a sundog.......I saw one and captured it pretty well with my samsung..........i have no idea how to find wherever I have it stored and check it's size and use it.........somewhere on a cloud........maybe still on my phone...........rambling in light of the sheer unfamiliarity of any other activity.........but I will try.........try, try, try.......try while afraid.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Altostrata

This is an excellent topic, thank you, csm.

 

Unfortunately, we are caught in a corner of medical error. This can be very frightening to some people.

 

But it is the truth, and trying to cover it up (as was done at paxilprogress) may be reassuring to some who don't want to deal with the greater issues but does not do anything to help those who are suffering the most, or to educate medicine about the problem.

 

From what I've seen, the most unpleasant realizations are 1) you cannot trust doctors to know everything, there are holes in the safety net of medicine through which you might fall; and 2) quite frequently, the drugs cause emotional anesthesia that can continue for a long time after stopping.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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csm2014

It pains me to think some cannot handle the emotional pain from reading others' posts where they're still suffering post-withdrawal. There is a fine line between culling all that anecdotal data in the hopes of being proactive, NOT reactive. You read the horror stories and can't help but freak out at first, but the bottom line is that this board is here to be used PROACTIVELY, to learn the tools to climb out safely from our rabbit holes. Why run from that?


MEDS SUMMARY:

1) Valium: 10mg avg prn from 09-06-14 to 10-20-14
2) Xanax: 0.75mg avg prn from from 09-19-14 to 10-16-14
3) Lexapro: 5mg q.d. from 10-06-14 to 10-16-14
4) switched immediately to Clonazepam: 0.5mg average/day for 2 weeks (10-17-24-10-30-14); titrated to 1mg (0.5mg bid) on 10-31-14 to present; started microtaper @ .625% (.0031250mg x 2) from 08-09-15 to 08-15-15; .800% (.0038750mg x 2) from 08-16-15 to present; destabilized 08-19-15 (due to change from original tablet); reinstated, on day 54, and have tapered a total of 14% as of 09-30-15 with zero symptoms (knock on wood)!
5) Lamictal: 100mg q.d. from 10-23-14 to 12-04-14; started tapering 12-05-14, 25mg every 2 weeks; destabilized 01-15-14; reinstated 01-22-15 at 25mg q.d. from 01-24-15 to 02-19-15; cut approx. 3-4mg every 5-10 days until 03-22-15, then cut 2mg every 5-6 days until 05-12-15; holding at 4mg q.d. from 05-13-15 to present.
Detailed Analysis - Lamictal history: https://app.box.com/s/rnermghleue9aemyhd57l1a00gsk2i4u

6) Also taking meds for blood pressure (Coreg @ 6.25mg b.i.d. and Losartan @ 50mg b.i.d.) + for blood clot I had back in 2012 (Xarelto @ 10mg) + for hypothyroidism (Armour Thyroid @ 1grain q.d.)

 

HISTORY & SUPPLEMENT LIST: https://app.box.com/s/mc9mch8za2lbizgs9z8j4mzhz2oswn8l

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manymoretodays

That was very well said.  Proactive not reactive.  Gotta be that way about all of life really.   I like the rabbit hole analogy too.  Keep posting.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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peggy

speaking for myself, reading about other peoples horrors whilst in the MIDDLE of withdrawal provides a handle for my anxiety to latch onto - 'what if that happens to me'?  

 

when NOT in withdrawal i can read horror stories and KNOW that they are someone's individual experience and won't necessarily happen to me.  

 

But it is dialogue that is necessary for all of us to grow, despite how painful it may be.


Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

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indigo

Reading about other peoples struggles helps me feel less isolated. I don't actually know anyone

in my "real" life that is withdrawing from anti-depressants.  There does still seem to be a stigma

in resorting to taking meds for depression, so I told no one. Thus when I began to withdraw from

Prozac and was having anxiety, insomnia, obsessive ruminating etc, I had to hide that too.

After a year of tapering, I made a concious decision to make myself tell one or two close friends.

It was hard for me. They listened but they didn't really understand how even minute drops in dose

could cause such distress. 

It is only on this forum that I can read other peoples struggle and anguish and know that I'm not

a freak, . . . or worse. . that I'm imagining it's worse than it really is. So thanks folks for sharing

the depths of yourdistress. Helps me feel less alone.


On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds.

When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg  powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting

down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped.  May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone.

January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe.

Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level.
Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety.
Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3,  875mg  Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D.
 

 

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csm2014

Reading about other peoples struggles helps me feel less isolated. I don't actually know anyone

in my "real" life that is withdrawing from anti-depressants.  There does still seem to be a stigma

in resorting to taking meds for depression, so I told no one. Thus when I began to withdraw from

Prozac and was having anxiety, insomnia, obsessive ruminating etc, I had to hide that too.

After a year of tapering, I made a concious decision to make myself tell one or two close friends.

It was hard for me. They listened but they didn't really understand how even minute drops in dose

could cause such distress. 

It is only on this forum that I can read other peoples struggle and anguish and know that I'm not

a freak, . . . or worse. . that I'm imagining it's worse than it really is. So thanks folks for sharing

the depths of yourdistress. Helps me feel less alone.

 

speaking for myself, reading about other peoples horrors whilst in the MIDDLE of withdrawal provides a handle for my anxiety to latch onto - 'what if that happens to me'?  

 

when NOT in withdrawal i can read horror stories and KNOW that they are someone's individual experience and won't necessarily happen to me.  

 

But it is dialogue that is necessary for all of us to grow, despite how painful it may be.

I think this gives everyone the true lowdown when on either side of the fence. Thanks for the input and thanks for confirming that knowledge is power. This is all about perspective, as we are NOT our w/d symptoms.


MEDS SUMMARY:

1) Valium: 10mg avg prn from 09-06-14 to 10-20-14
2) Xanax: 0.75mg avg prn from from 09-19-14 to 10-16-14
3) Lexapro: 5mg q.d. from 10-06-14 to 10-16-14
4) switched immediately to Clonazepam: 0.5mg average/day for 2 weeks (10-17-24-10-30-14); titrated to 1mg (0.5mg bid) on 10-31-14 to present; started microtaper @ .625% (.0031250mg x 2) from 08-09-15 to 08-15-15; .800% (.0038750mg x 2) from 08-16-15 to present; destabilized 08-19-15 (due to change from original tablet); reinstated, on day 54, and have tapered a total of 14% as of 09-30-15 with zero symptoms (knock on wood)!
5) Lamictal: 100mg q.d. from 10-23-14 to 12-04-14; started tapering 12-05-14, 25mg every 2 weeks; destabilized 01-15-14; reinstated 01-22-15 at 25mg q.d. from 01-24-15 to 02-19-15; cut approx. 3-4mg every 5-10 days until 03-22-15, then cut 2mg every 5-6 days until 05-12-15; holding at 4mg q.d. from 05-13-15 to present.
Detailed Analysis - Lamictal history: https://app.box.com/s/rnermghleue9aemyhd57l1a00gsk2i4u

6) Also taking meds for blood pressure (Coreg @ 6.25mg b.i.d. and Losartan @ 50mg b.i.d.) + for blood clot I had back in 2012 (Xarelto @ 10mg) + for hypothyroidism (Armour Thyroid @ 1grain q.d.)

 

HISTORY & SUPPLEMENT LIST: https://app.box.com/s/mc9mch8za2lbizgs9z8j4mzhz2oswn8l

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csm2014

Reading about other peoples struggles helps me feel less isolated. I don't actually know anyone

in my "real" life that is withdrawing from anti-depressants.  There does still seem to be a stigma

in resorting to taking meds for depression, so I told no one. Thus when I began to withdraw from

Prozac and was having anxiety, insomnia, obsessive ruminating etc, I had to hide that too.

After a year of tapering, I made a concious decision to make myself tell one or two close friends.

It was hard for me. They listened but they didn't really understand how even minute drops in dose

could cause such distress. 

It is only on this forum that I can read other peoples struggle and anguish and know that I'm not

a freak, . . . or worse. . that I'm imagining it's worse than it really is. So thanks folks for sharing

the depths of yourdistress. Helps me feel less alone.

So true. Few physicians even know or understand the suffering that their patients go through, let alone lay people.


MEDS SUMMARY:

1) Valium: 10mg avg prn from 09-06-14 to 10-20-14
2) Xanax: 0.75mg avg prn from from 09-19-14 to 10-16-14
3) Lexapro: 5mg q.d. from 10-06-14 to 10-16-14
4) switched immediately to Clonazepam: 0.5mg average/day for 2 weeks (10-17-24-10-30-14); titrated to 1mg (0.5mg bid) on 10-31-14 to present; started microtaper @ .625% (.0031250mg x 2) from 08-09-15 to 08-15-15; .800% (.0038750mg x 2) from 08-16-15 to present; destabilized 08-19-15 (due to change from original tablet); reinstated, on day 54, and have tapered a total of 14% as of 09-30-15 with zero symptoms (knock on wood)!
5) Lamictal: 100mg q.d. from 10-23-14 to 12-04-14; started tapering 12-05-14, 25mg every 2 weeks; destabilized 01-15-14; reinstated 01-22-15 at 25mg q.d. from 01-24-15 to 02-19-15; cut approx. 3-4mg every 5-10 days until 03-22-15, then cut 2mg every 5-6 days until 05-12-15; holding at 4mg q.d. from 05-13-15 to present.
Detailed Analysis - Lamictal history: https://app.box.com/s/rnermghleue9aemyhd57l1a00gsk2i4u

6) Also taking meds for blood pressure (Coreg @ 6.25mg b.i.d. and Losartan @ 50mg b.i.d.) + for blood clot I had back in 2012 (Xarelto @ 10mg) + for hypothyroidism (Armour Thyroid @ 1grain q.d.)

 

HISTORY & SUPPLEMENT LIST: https://app.box.com/s/mc9mch8za2lbizgs9z8j4mzhz2oswn8l

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nancy2

Thanks for this thread. For me, it's good to talk about stuff like this, the bigger picture.

 

My isolation comes from knowing a lot of people who still believe docs know best, and they seem to cling to that no matter what. They take psych meds for decades, and seem completely happy taking them for the rest of their life. One woman I know got that tremor thing from Paxil and seemed perfectly happy to just switch meds! They also take antibiotics for viruses and just about anything else, and now steroids/Cortisone is the new 'antibiotic'! Being given for many, many things. Really gives me the creeps.

 

I try to speak up a bit in a way that can be heard, not ranting, but so far not much success in anyone visibly hearing me. I do have to keep speaking up with my own reality for my own sanity. Maybe people hear more than I think.

 

Have tried to meet new people more like-minded to me... So far have done so only over the phone from long distance, meeting others in online and phone venues and then continuing the relationship. GLAD TO HAVE ANY SUPPORT!!!! At this point, my support online and on the phone is GREAT and I appreciate that.

 

Others thoughts on this welcomed.

 

Nancy


went to dr for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and situational depression 2014

She put me on both Venlafaxine (Effexor) and Buproprion (Wellbutrin)

Found this forum (yaay!) and tapered off 300mg Buproprion to 0 June 2015 -Jan 2016

Now tapering off 150 mg Venlafaxine Nov 2016

 

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adrien

It's too early to know because i've only been going to this forum about a day. But i feel kind of ignored because one of my topics has 40 views but only one person replied. This is probably just me thinking the worst. I tend to see negative in everything. I wish i knew exacly what my problems are and how to articulate them but it's hard.


I was on 20 mg of olanzapine for about two years.  For a month i took 10 mg then after a month of that I stopped taking it.

I'm currently on no medication and have been for about 2 months.

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Wildflower0214

For many reasons this forum has been a lifeline to me. The information has literally saved my life, and I'm not exaggerating. If I had not known what I learned here, I would have never been given the validation I needed to tell the doctor NO...no more drugs.

 

I have met so many people here that have helped me so much. I am eternally grateful to everyone, including the mods.

 

With that said, there are those of us that go through a stage of dread/terror/confusion that make being here more painful than helpful for periods of time. I have had to take breaks. Sometimes for a few months at a time, because I simply could not be here. It is hard to be objective during the severe parts of withdrawal.

 

I have learned that this is ok. If I can be here and it's beneficial, great. If it stops being helpful, time for a break.

 

All in all, I thank God for this forum, it has kept me from having to be alone. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Like I said, the connection to others struggling with this and the information saved my life. And, I suspect I am not the only one it has saved.


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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Wildflower0214

It's too early to know because i've only been going to this forum about a day. But i feel kind of ignored because one of my topics has 40 views but only one person replied. This is probably just me thinking the worst. I tend to see negative in everything. I wish i knew exacly what my problems are and how to articulate them but it's hard.

It takes a while. When I first arrived it was a month or so, maybe more. The mods responded to me quickly, but it was a while before anyone else did, if I remember correctly. A good way to get people to know you is to visit their threads and offer support. And, they will then visit yours in return. :)


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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pug

For many reasons this forum has been a lifeline to me. The information has literally saved my life, and I'm not exaggerating. If I had not known what I learned here, I would have never been given the validation I needed to tell the doctor NO...no more drugs.

I have met so many people here that have helped me so much. I am eternally grateful to everyone, including the mods.

With that said, there are those of us that go through a stage of dread/terror/confusion that make being here more painful than helpful for periods of time. I have had to take breaks. Sometimes for a few months at a time, because I simply could not be here. It is hard to be objective during the severe parts of withdrawal.

I have learned that this is ok. If I can be here and it's beneficial, great. If it stops being helpful, time for a break.

All in all, I thank God for this forum, it has kept me from having to be alone. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Like I said, the connection to others struggling with this and the information saved my life. And, I suspect I am not the only one it has saved.

You have stated this beautifully, thank you.


20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 

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Wildflower0214

 

For many reasons this forum has been a lifeline to me. The information has literally saved my life, and I'm not exaggerating. If I had not known what I learned here, I would have never been given the validation I needed to tell the doctor NO...no more drugs.

I have met so many people here that have helped me so much. I am eternally grateful to everyone, including the mods.

With that said, there are those of us that go through a stage of dread/terror/confusion that make being here more painful than helpful for periods of time. I have had to take breaks. Sometimes for a few months at a time, because I simply could not be here. It is hard to be objective during the severe parts of withdrawal.

I have learned that this is ok. If I can be here and it's beneficial, great. If it stops being helpful, time for a break.

All in all, I thank God for this forum, it has kept me from having to be alone. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Like I said, the connection to others struggling with this and the information saved my life. And, I suspect I am not the only one it has saved.

You have stated this beautifully, thank you.

That's very nice of you to say. Thank you.


2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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MissSerene

I'm also very grateful for this forum. It gives me knowledge/tools AND a safe place to share when I'm in a down mood about being in this ordeal.

 

Reading others' stories and reflecting on my own experience, it's hard not to feel sad and angry about, as Altostrata put it, being "in a corner of medical error." In an era of such rapid technological advance and seeming sophistication, how could this have happened? Then I remember that trained professionals once believed the sun revolved around the earth. Untold numbers of people were subjected to blood-letting and other misguided practices. Re: big pharma, doctors, etc., while personal or commercial gain accruing from partial knowledge -- or from obfuscation and deception -- is not surprising, it remains shocking.

 

For me, reading on this forum also brings painful realizations about my traumatic childhood, ill and struggling family members and longstanding self-defeating behaviors. The good news is that, finally, I'm starting to learn about emotional, physical, and spiritual self care.

 

Thanks to all for such helpful information and caring support. This forum gives a whole new meaning to, "It takes a village."


Prozac 20 mg/daily since 1995

July 19, 2013, initial cut to 15 mg; Aug. 2 updosed to 18 mg; Aug. 19, to 16.2 mg
Held at 2.52 ml/day Jan. 11-April 16, 2014
April 16, 2014, cut to 2.40 ml/day
Dec. 29, 2014, 1.84 ml/day, and held there almost six months
June 23, 2015, 1.75ml/day; July 21, 2015, 1.70 ml/day
Aug. 13, 2015, 1.60 ml/day

Feb. 7, 2016, .7 ml/day; April 26, 2016, .6 ml/day

 

Taking anastrozole (estrogen blocker)
 
Successfully completed long, slow Klonopin taper November 2011. :ph34r:

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csm2014

That was very well said.  Proactive not reactive.  Gotta be that way about all of life really.   I like the rabbit hole analogy too.  Keep posting.

Don't know if you noticed, but my avatar is one in which I am standing at the edge of that veritable rabbit hole :)


MEDS SUMMARY:

1) Valium: 10mg avg prn from 09-06-14 to 10-20-14
2) Xanax: 0.75mg avg prn from from 09-19-14 to 10-16-14
3) Lexapro: 5mg q.d. from 10-06-14 to 10-16-14
4) switched immediately to Clonazepam: 0.5mg average/day for 2 weeks (10-17-24-10-30-14); titrated to 1mg (0.5mg bid) on 10-31-14 to present; started microtaper @ .625% (.0031250mg x 2) from 08-09-15 to 08-15-15; .800% (.0038750mg x 2) from 08-16-15 to present; destabilized 08-19-15 (due to change from original tablet); reinstated, on day 54, and have tapered a total of 14% as of 09-30-15 with zero symptoms (knock on wood)!
5) Lamictal: 100mg q.d. from 10-23-14 to 12-04-14; started tapering 12-05-14, 25mg every 2 weeks; destabilized 01-15-14; reinstated 01-22-15 at 25mg q.d. from 01-24-15 to 02-19-15; cut approx. 3-4mg every 5-10 days until 03-22-15, then cut 2mg every 5-6 days until 05-12-15; holding at 4mg q.d. from 05-13-15 to present.
Detailed Analysis - Lamictal history: https://app.box.com/s/rnermghleue9aemyhd57l1a00gsk2i4u

6) Also taking meds for blood pressure (Coreg @ 6.25mg b.i.d. and Losartan @ 50mg b.i.d.) + for blood clot I had back in 2012 (Xarelto @ 10mg) + for hypothyroidism (Armour Thyroid @ 1grain q.d.)

 

HISTORY & SUPPLEMENT LIST: https://app.box.com/s/mc9mch8za2lbizgs9z8j4mzhz2oswn8l

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MissSerene

Forgot to say that I also often take breaks from the forum. At times, being here gives me a sense of belonging and support, and other times, I feel weighed down by negative feelings about what's happening to others. It's easy to start seeing myself as defined primarily by my struggle with withdrawal, and feeling ill or vulnerable or afraid.

 

I often don't respond to others because I don't have anything very informative to add or suggest, and/or because the particulars of others' experience sound very different from mine. But no matter what, I want others here to know they are heard and cared about. For me, this emotional aspect is really important.


Prozac 20 mg/daily since 1995

July 19, 2013, initial cut to 15 mg; Aug. 2 updosed to 18 mg; Aug. 19, to 16.2 mg
Held at 2.52 ml/day Jan. 11-April 16, 2014
April 16, 2014, cut to 2.40 ml/day
Dec. 29, 2014, 1.84 ml/day, and held there almost six months
June 23, 2015, 1.75ml/day; July 21, 2015, 1.70 ml/day
Aug. 13, 2015, 1.60 ml/day

Feb. 7, 2016, .7 ml/day; April 26, 2016, .6 ml/day

 

Taking anastrozole (estrogen blocker)
 
Successfully completed long, slow Klonopin taper November 2011. :ph34r:

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csm2014

When you're starting the daunting task of tapering, it's tough to switch off emotionally lability not to just the seemingly endless suffering we read on these forums, but to what we hear in our lives. For example, it didn't help the other day when a friend of mine (who knows I've just started tapering Klonopin) tells me that his friend was unsuccessful in his attempt to taper the drug after being on it for only 9 mos. (about the same time as me) and had to reinstate. My logical mind processes that info as just a statement made out of context, as I will never know all the details, the dose, this person's history, if such a person is on other meds, has mental health issues, and mostly, what his definition of a taper is.  My emotional mind starts in with, "could he be one of the minority whose brain was altered to the point of no return, and could I possibly fall into that tank?"  

 

Then I listen to my friend today, someone who has had a long history of multiple substance abuse, including psych meds, after having just gone through a heart transplant (his heart condition caused by such abuse), in recovery, and doing fine now. We're talking about someone who had abused opiates, benzos, and a host of illicit drugs to boot for a period of nearly a decade. But, in this extreme example of nearly losing his life, he made it.  

 

I have been through many hardships in which I was unable to see the forest through the trees from where I stood. To live in mystery is misery, and that misery is sometime worse than the actual mental or physical pain itself. But in nearly all cases, I came out just fine when it was all said and done. And in this taper, here I am, facing yet another unknown. We have to believe we can make it to the other side as my friend has, and process the negative comments as being anomalies, out of context, and not give up and succumb to fear. All easier said than done.


MEDS SUMMARY:

1) Valium: 10mg avg prn from 09-06-14 to 10-20-14
2) Xanax: 0.75mg avg prn from from 09-19-14 to 10-16-14
3) Lexapro: 5mg q.d. from 10-06-14 to 10-16-14
4) switched immediately to Clonazepam: 0.5mg average/day for 2 weeks (10-17-24-10-30-14); titrated to 1mg (0.5mg bid) on 10-31-14 to present; started microtaper @ .625% (.0031250mg x 2) from 08-09-15 to 08-15-15; .800% (.0038750mg x 2) from 08-16-15 to present; destabilized 08-19-15 (due to change from original tablet); reinstated, on day 54, and have tapered a total of 14% as of 09-30-15 with zero symptoms (knock on wood)!
5) Lamictal: 100mg q.d. from 10-23-14 to 12-04-14; started tapering 12-05-14, 25mg every 2 weeks; destabilized 01-15-14; reinstated 01-22-15 at 25mg q.d. from 01-24-15 to 02-19-15; cut approx. 3-4mg every 5-10 days until 03-22-15, then cut 2mg every 5-6 days until 05-12-15; holding at 4mg q.d. from 05-13-15 to present.
Detailed Analysis - Lamictal history: https://app.box.com/s/rnermghleue9aemyhd57l1a00gsk2i4u

6) Also taking meds for blood pressure (Coreg @ 6.25mg b.i.d. and Losartan @ 50mg b.i.d.) + for blood clot I had back in 2012 (Xarelto @ 10mg) + for hypothyroidism (Armour Thyroid @ 1grain q.d.)

 

HISTORY & SUPPLEMENT LIST: https://app.box.com/s/mc9mch8za2lbizgs9z8j4mzhz2oswn8l

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