Colonial: worsening withdrawal symptoms changing from Paxil CR to liquid suspension

[Colonial]

DAY 21... 

 

Almost left the oven on again last night...

I wonder just how many "accidental deaths" are Antidepressant withdrawal related...

[Altostrata]

What does Day 21 mean?

[Colonial]

Hi Alto!

 

It's been 21 days of withdrawal symptoms since my last drop on December 27th.  They started around the 7th.

[Altostrata]

Has the symptom pattern changed over the 3 weeks?

[Colonial]

They are not as severe as week 1, but its the same ones.  Trouble thinking, neurological issues, nausea, muscle aches, over all flu like symptoms, sore breathing, throat is numb when I swallow, insomnia , cortisol mornings, anxiety, headache, head pressure.  

[Petunia]

Its good your symptoms are decreasing, you're heading back towards stabilization, it may take a while longer, especially because you also had a recent reaction to antibiotic eye drops.

 

Hold at your current dose until your symptoms have stabilized again, that generally means they are low, tolerable and no longer changing. Then maybe give it another 2 weeks before considering making another cut.

 

As the dose gets lower, longer holds and smaller cuts will make for a more comfortable exit off the drug.

[Colonial]

Thank you, Petunia!

 

Now that I have the smaller measuring syringe I feel confident I can make smaller cuts and still lower both doses at once.  I think only dropping the one daily dose and not the other made for a delayed reaction to the second drop and that a whole mg in one months time was to much.  I don't know how many receptors are being "unlocked" in my brain for each mg below 10 mgs but since I was taking it for over 20 years it might be taking me longer than others to recoup.

 

I will probably wait until the end of March or April.  It seems to me that people who stop completely in a short amount of time, like 6 months, seem to suffer from protrated withdrawal for many years themselves, so there doesn't seem to be a rush to get off it.  I'm down from 25mg CR to about 7.2mg in a year, and since I was/am doing the Wellbutrin drop at the same time I'm happy with that until sometime in spring. 

[Colonial]

_{Oh, God, grant me justice...}

 

_{​Feeling worse  since Saturday night with 4 symptoms I haven't had so far in this round of withdrawal but have had in the past.  1. Sleep paralysis in  semi conscious state. 2. Bad mood swing upon waking. 3. The neuro-emotion of fear.  (as opposed to normal anxiety).  4. Gastrointestinal causing a lot of difficulty breathing since all the muscles in my stomach as so tight.}   

 

_{And now the past few hours my throat is worse.  It's been feeling numb when I swallow since 1/16/ but I can swallow, but now I also am having a weird feeling like their is either a lump in my throat, or, just a really strange sensation that is registering a weird type of sensation.  (I found on quitpaxil.org that Paxil withdrawal can cause the feeling of a lump in your throat or difficulty swallowing.) The head pressure and insomnia is worse again since Sunday and I feel like I'm on auto pilot.}

 

_{The only difference, is I should be getting my period tonight or tomorrow.  If I hadn't remembered my symptoms got WORSE in October when I had cut the Wellbutrin, and you guys had consoled me by showing me it was tied to the menstrual cycle/drop in serotonin,  I would have been freaking out.} 

 

_{I don't know what I would have done without you people..}

 

_{ETA: Oh, this was interesting.... Also the past 2 nights I had an uptick in the symptom from the Gentamicin reaction.  Seeing shapes and streaks of light under my eyes again when I tried to sleep.  Hadn't had that in a while.  Never ceases to amaze me how anything we may "think" we have fully recovered from, we still really haven't, if the slightest other thing can destabilize us and we're having the same symptoms again.} 

[Colonial]

DAY 33...

 

Severe symptoms today.  Had a very stressful and violent 25 minutes yesterday around 4pm that ended up with me on the road with an oxygen mask over my face.  Haven't really eaten much since then and only slept about 5 hours and now my whole body is having a delayed PTSD reaction that's making all the withdrawal symptoms worse.

 

And, I never got my period.  So all those symptoms a week ago were probably just a new withdrawal stage, the abdominal cramps, depression upon waking, etc.  My muscles feel like I have the worst flu ever.  

[Colonial]

Noticing a pattern the past 3 of the 5 weeks of this round.  If my day is NOT as bad, then that night the insomnia will be worse.  If I have bad symptoms during the day, then that night I get atleast 2 hours more sleep.  Yesterday was much better than the past 4 but then I couldn't fall asleep for good until close to 2:30 and was up again at 6. Kinda tried to trick myself into falling back asleep again until 8ish..but... I didn't listen   Lol.

 

So it's a trade off it seems for now,  if it's a bad day, should have better sleep that night.  Better day, then toss and turn that night.

[Colonial]

Day 40..  My day to wonder how long I can continue to do this before I put a bullet in my head.

 

 I realise part of it is worse sense I did finally get my period on friday after 6-7 weeks and I remember it was worse in October during the acute phase of that taper.  But it's day 40, can I still kid myself it's still the acute phase?  Had another petit mal seizure last night that affected my ability to even think for 3 hours.  Which can be quite scary.  Everything else is worse too, the flu like muscle aches, nausea, dizzy.  Just over all sense of not being able to get out of bed.

 

And my big  problem, is I don't know why I'm so worried (although that's not the right word for it, I'm not sure what is) about the not being able to sleep properly, more than 4 hours again.  Other than, 1: I know it's not good for me, and 2: it means more hours I have to be conscious for the suffering.  But I think it's something deeper, that I'm worried about some "effect" of the not sleeping.  But I'm not sure what it is that I'm concerned about.  And because I can understand,consciously, what it is I'm concerned about, I can't deal with it.

 

All I know is I want to die again, and I'm not even depressed.  That's the continual irony of it all.  I mean, isn't?  To find out somebody did themselves in because the treatment was more excruciating that the original condition?  

 

God grant me justice.

[AliG]

Colonial.    I'm sorry for what you are going through.  You are not alone. I suffer from severe sleep deprivation , as well.  This is not easy, however are you getting  four hours sleep ?  If you are , that is something , at least.  I usually , get none for days at a time.   For myself , I try not to focus on it , as I know eventually it will resolve itself.   In the meantime, it's extremely ( for want of a better word ) difficult.  It takes supreme patience & acceptance, as there is nothing you can do , but give it time.

I hope this resolves for you soon.

Hang in there.

Ali

[Roxyrich]

Hi colonial.I see your suffering just like me.I have thought about death.but I just keep thinking if this won't kill me I just have to survive, I'm just going to try to survive. Please try and do the same. it's not fair, we shouldn't be suffering like this.

[Colonial]

Thank you both so much.

[Colonial]

I'm wondering if the increased insomnia is related to stopping the xanax about 3 weeks ago.  I just took a quarter of a .25mg pill.  Any idea how many days of taking that I would need before I would have symptom relief?  It's just a guess it's related to the xanax, but I want to give it enough time to make a difference but not take it if it's not related.  I'm not expecting it to help tonight if I just took it at 6:30 pm but I was wondering how many days of taking a .6 dose it may take.

 

Thank you.

[Roxyrich]

Did you manage to get any sleep last night, I'm still in a wave , what's your day been like.

[Colonial]

Hey Buddy 

 

Day 4 of worsening symptoms.  But I did manage an almost normal night's sleep thank God. Sleep was broken into 3 segments, but totaled about 71/2 hours.  Slept about an hour, then I'm up for an hour, slept about 5 straight (which seems the max at any one time the past few weeks), and then about another hour plus after waking early around 7am and tossed and turned for a bit.

 

This is into the 7th week now since symptoms started with the Paxil drop.  I'm hoping the worsening of those symptoms is Xanax-stoppage related even though their Paxil symptoms.  I've lost 15 pounds in those 42 days and all I'm doing is breathing.

 

I also forgot to take into account the "theory" that regardless how low you taper to, it's not until you stop a med completely that your body starts the "detox" process in earnest.  So that process may have aggravated the Paxil symptoms.  I wish I had remembered that at the time, and I would have lowered the xanax dose in half again to a quarter of a pill twice a day for another month or so until I was feeling better from the Paxil drop and then stopped it then.

[Roxyrich]

I'm sorry your still in it , some sleep is good, I hope that's when we heal.

I'm Not Sure About Tapering, But From what I've read stability is king.

Take it slow colonial, you know that anyway. hope you sleep tonight.

[Colonial]

Thank you, Brother... Hope you'll feel some relief soon.  You're in my prayers...

[Roxyrich]

Thanks for your positive feedback colonial, I've said a prayer for both of us tonight.

[Colonial]

God bless you, brother.

[Colonial]

Wow, really bad wave out of character....

 

I had been doing awesome yesterday, all the way up to 6pm.  Then I accidentally ate too many carbs which put me into a spell, and instead of the afternoon spell lifting by 10pm it just continued to get WORSE as the night went on, unable to think, feeling like I was in a dream, etc.  Finally fell asleep at 1am, and woke a 7 in another bizarre spell. I "think" it was some sort of anxiety wave but I'm not sure. Not something I usually feel, and It's hard to categorize when your only semi conscious. Kept trying to force myself back to sleep. Woke up about 8:45 and now I still feel awful with the DP and inability to think.  Morning is usually the best time of my day until the afternoon, and then I usually feel much better again by 10pm.  Hoping this starts to pass, this is awful. 

[Roxyrich]

Hi colonial. I have noticed changing symptoms, I'd like to think it's due to healing. hope you feel better soon.

[Colonial]

Thanks buddy.  Bad wave of emotional depressive symptoms this AM.  Along with the brain fog and anxiety.  Haven't had them in awhile.    Hope it's the full moon and not the withdrawal.  Although I suspect they are probably interrelated. 

 

Need to stay off Dr. Google.  Looked up xanax withdrawal to see if there was anything else I was experiencing and read: " major depressive relapse", and then woke up today with a wave of depression.

 

We're going to stay positive and go with "full moon exacerbating withdrawal symptoms" and not panic...

[Colonial]

Day 46...

And day 7 of worsening symptoms after some progress.

And I can't believe it's only been 50 hours of this non stop wave from hell that started 6pm on the 19th.

 

Morning depression. DP and brain fog almost all bad.

Anxiety with some paranoid thoughts worse today.

 

Reinstating xanax at .5 daily for now.  Had been doing better.  Hope the stoppage of the xanax was the reason I'm getting worse again.

[Roxyrich]

I think once you've settled down on the xanax ,you'll start to feel better, this is all w/d crap were going through.

Hope you feel good soon , my friend.

[Colonial]

Thanks,

 

Rough start for an hour or so this morning, but then was somewhat normal from about 12 to 3:30... Now the afternoon wave is hitting me, brain fog, muscle aches and some anxiety...

[Roxyrich]

Me too, have been ok most of the day, but now my head is burning and feels odd, I would be great to have 1 full good day.

[Colonial]

It would be great to be back to how I was feeling before the accidental xanax WD hit on top of the Paxil Wd... I had progressed up to being "ok" most of the day with just 2-4 hours crappy between 4 and 9 pm.

 

But, 3 "ok" hours in a row is progress!  Those 50 hours straight from hell were awful. Been back on the xanax 48 hours now, hopefully that 3 hours was a good sign and I'll rebound for a bit again tonight like last night.

[Colonial]

Just coming out of a 6 hour wave  Now I feel almost normal except for being really weak.

 

I will say the one positive, if albeit unintended consequences of these withdrawals  has been forcing me to eliminate the coffee altogether now and to limit the amount of carbs per serving or suffer petit mal seizures or other symptoms during the afternoon waves.

 

There is even a guide!

 

Apparently, if you flip the bag of chips or pretzels over, on the back there is something called, a "serving size"??  

 

Was anyone else aware of this?  

 

Apparently, you're not supposed to sit down and just eat the entire bag of chips in one sitting?  

 

Apparently, you're actually supposed to count out 11 chips... And actually put the rest of the bag in the cabinet until tomorrow?

 

Was this a foreign concept to anyone other than me?  

 

Anyway, if I stay to one "serving size" of carbs, no more than 25 every 2 and a half hours, I can either avoid or mitigate some of the bad neuro emotions and or brain fog.  Sometimes I will get it anyway if I eat ANYTHING after 3:30pm to 8:30pm but I have noticed I will get hammered if eat a lot of carbs or a big meal in the afternoon.

[Roxyrich]

Just had a bad wave myself , col.I was a bit off all morning, then I had a chicken sandwich and a yoghurt afterwards. I think the sugar in the yoghurt was too much. I don't know how brain fog feels but I think that's what it was.just feel dizziness again now.

I know what you mean about potato chips, or crisps as we call them ,just can't put em down.

[Colonial]

Are you 5 hours ahead of the East coast of USA or 6? I can never remember.  

Badwave right now,never came out of the morning one. Hope it will break soon.

[Roxyrich]

Sorry for the Wave , I've been in one too today.

I'm on standard gmt, not sure about actual hours. I'm posting this at 10.30pm.

Is brain fog like a heavy feeling, like your head is full. I think this is what I get.

[Colonial]

Ok, so your 5 hours ahead of the east coast for now, until we change the clocks in 2 weeks.

 

For me, "brain fog" is kind of a combination of the following 3 things:

 

Feeling Unreal - The awareness that one has an undesirable emotion like fear, but can't seem to shake off the irrational feeling. For example, feeling like one is going crazy, but rationally knowing that it is not true. The quality of this side effect resembles being in a bad dream and not being able to wake up

 

Depersonalization - A condition in which one has lost a normal sense of personal identity

 

Disorientation - A loss of sense of direction, place, time or surroundings, as well as mental confusion regarding one's personal identity.

 

Added to the fact that my head feels "stuffed" almost kind of like if you had a sinus infection, but further in the center of my head.  And at the same time, it feels, "frozen" or like I can feel cobwebs in it.  For me it's mostly feeling like I'm in a dream and can't wake up.

 

 

Also, I don't remember if you were also the person who sometimes felt like you fell into a sort of "sleep paralysis" in the afternoon when you ate, but if that was you, I found the name for something like that:

 

Somnolence - Feeling sleepy all the time or having a condition of semi-consciousness.

[SkyBlue]

Colonial, I can't believe this -- I am having depersonalization, etc. right now so I came to the forums to see how my SA friends are doing.

 

I'm sorry that you're having this -- I'm also kind of relieved to think, it's not just me.

 

I'm having it from Paxil withdrawal -- or, possibly, Zoloft. I am on both of them right now. 

 

Does anything help you in the moment? I write myself notes, etc., to say, "It's just the Paxil. I come out of it every time." It's

difficult to believe, though. 

[Colonial]

Hi Sky! 

 

I think the biggest help to me, is "knowing" I'm not going crazy, that it's "normal for paxil", and that, unfortunately, so many others have gone through it and come out ok.  That's all I can hold on to, that and my prayers to God.

 

This is the link that I got those from, you may be surprised just how many other things you thought were coincidence are AD withdrawal related!

 

http://www.theroadback.org/paxilwithdrawal.aspx

 

I like it because it gives us different ways of looking at our symptoms