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WhiteLilly

WhiteLilly - SSRI withdrawal (cold turkey) since one year

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WhiteLilly

Hi,

 

my name is Alex, I am 31 years old and live in Germany. There is a German forum for antidepressent withdrawal and thats where I got a hint to this site. The topic of withdrawal problems is widely unknown in Germany and so I hope that I can get more information here. 

 

You can see my history in the signature.

 

I lost my job, my boyfriend, my friends, had to move closer to my parents because I can hardly manage my every day life. 

 

My symptoms are ALL the symptoms you find in the SSRI-withdrawal descriptions. 

Nowadays its mostly bloodcirculation problems, sudden fatigues that border on fainting, heart arrhythmea, vertigo,

pain along the spine that is quite unusual, feeling of numbness and pressure in legs and arms, body symptoms of too much

stress (hairloss, acne, muscle spasms, sleep deprived, severe allergy symptoms), tinnitus....

Well, its actually more than I can type right now.

 

Its bad. I try not to loose hope, but all thats left of my life is my willpower. 

 

I am severly traumatized by my body and the lack of responsibility from the doctors. 

 

Thankfully, I have no classic depression symptoms, but I AM very unhappy and very lonely (because I cannot take part in an active life with others). 

 

I battle on. Sigh.  :ph34r:


I took Citalopram (SSRI) since 2009, first 20 mg, then 40 mg. One year later they added Amitryptilin for sleeping. Then switched it to Quetiapin (100, then 50, then 25, then 10, then 5). Quetiapin helped actually a lot to sleep and improved my mood. By 2013 my body started having irrational symptoms like high blood pressure out of thin air (I was 29) and my stomach was overly sensitive, I couldn' digest half my food anymore. They gave me 3 different pills for blood pressure without finding the cause and pills for my stomach. Mid 2014 I had such severe allergy (grass, trees) that I couldn't work, so they gave me a pill for that, too (Certirizin, everybody takes it). After 10 days I developed severe symptoms and landed in hospital with Serotonin-Syndrom. The anti-allergy-pill couldn't be taken with the Citalopram, but nobody had told me that before. I had to drop Citalopram FROM ONE DAY TO ANOTHER because my body couldn't deal with it anymore (advised by doctors). No one told me, that there would be consequences if you get off your SSRI, especially if done abruptly. So the following first 4 months after that I did not have a clue what was going on. I had developed all the extreme symptoms of protracted withdrawal. The docs wanted to give me more pills because in their eyes I had a relapse into depression, but no matter how much I told them that that wasn't it, they wouldn't listen. It was only in November 2014 that I realized what was going on after finding the match to my symptoms online. Since then still in protracted withdrawal. Since December 2014 off Quetiapin, too. Most of the day practically disabled. Hoping to find support in this forum.

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WhiteLilly

PS: I am scared as hell of thinking about how long it will take for me to recover. I know that it can take several more years. I am still struggling with this possibility since my life is not really a life anymore and I cannot imagine continuing like this for such a long time. 


I took Citalopram (SSRI) since 2009, first 20 mg, then 40 mg. One year later they added Amitryptilin for sleeping. Then switched it to Quetiapin (100, then 50, then 25, then 10, then 5). Quetiapin helped actually a lot to sleep and improved my mood. By 2013 my body started having irrational symptoms like high blood pressure out of thin air (I was 29) and my stomach was overly sensitive, I couldn' digest half my food anymore. They gave me 3 different pills for blood pressure without finding the cause and pills for my stomach. Mid 2014 I had such severe allergy (grass, trees) that I couldn't work, so they gave me a pill for that, too (Certirizin, everybody takes it). After 10 days I developed severe symptoms and landed in hospital with Serotonin-Syndrom. The anti-allergy-pill couldn't be taken with the Citalopram, but nobody had told me that before. I had to drop Citalopram FROM ONE DAY TO ANOTHER because my body couldn't deal with it anymore (advised by doctors). No one told me, that there would be consequences if you get off your SSRI, especially if done abruptly. So the following first 4 months after that I did not have a clue what was going on. I had developed all the extreme symptoms of protracted withdrawal. The docs wanted to give me more pills because in their eyes I had a relapse into depression, but no matter how much I told them that that wasn't it, they wouldn't listen. It was only in November 2014 that I realized what was going on after finding the match to my symptoms online. Since then still in protracted withdrawal. Since December 2014 off Quetiapin, too. Most of the day practically disabled. Hoping to find support in this forum.

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dalsaan

Hi whitelilly

 

Welcome to SA. I'm sorry you have been struggling so much. Can I ask you to fill out your signature with your drug history - what you took for how long, at what doses, when/how you stopped. This gets reproduced at the bottom of every post you make, It stops you having to answer these questions time and again. It also allows other member to get a quick shorthand version of your history

 

Instructions on how to do that are here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

We often find that people do better on magnesium and fish oil. Have you tried those?

 

We have threads for those here

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

There are many other useful threads in the symptoms forum

 

Dalsaan


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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WhiteLilly

Hi, but I DID fill out my signature. Can't you see it? There it says from when to when I took Citalopram and Quetiapin.

 

Yeah, I know the thing with magnesium and fish-oil. But until recently I couldn't take more than a 50% pill of Magnesium

without getting vertigo and feeling almost drunk for the next hour. 


I took Citalopram (SSRI) since 2009, first 20 mg, then 40 mg. One year later they added Amitryptilin for sleeping. Then switched it to Quetiapin (100, then 50, then 25, then 10, then 5). Quetiapin helped actually a lot to sleep and improved my mood. By 2013 my body started having irrational symptoms like high blood pressure out of thin air (I was 29) and my stomach was overly sensitive, I couldn' digest half my food anymore. They gave me 3 different pills for blood pressure without finding the cause and pills for my stomach. Mid 2014 I had such severe allergy (grass, trees) that I couldn't work, so they gave me a pill for that, too (Certirizin, everybody takes it). After 10 days I developed severe symptoms and landed in hospital with Serotonin-Syndrom. The anti-allergy-pill couldn't be taken with the Citalopram, but nobody had told me that before. I had to drop Citalopram FROM ONE DAY TO ANOTHER because my body couldn't deal with it anymore (advised by doctors). No one told me, that there would be consequences if you get off your SSRI, especially if done abruptly. So the following first 4 months after that I did not have a clue what was going on. I had developed all the extreme symptoms of protracted withdrawal. The docs wanted to give me more pills because in their eyes I had a relapse into depression, but no matter how much I told them that that wasn't it, they wouldn't listen. It was only in November 2014 that I realized what was going on after finding the match to my symptoms online. Since then still in protracted withdrawal. Since December 2014 off Quetiapin, too. Most of the day practically disabled. Hoping to find support in this forum.

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Purplestars22

Hello whitelilly, welcome to SA you will find lots of useful information in this site about wd and methods to deal with it. Plus all the people here are nice and helpful. Wish you all the best.


Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety

Failed attempt to stop reinstated

1 year taper skipping doses

Celexa free 12/2013

1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day

Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only

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oskcajga

Welcome to SA.  As you will find if you read around the forums, your symptoms are all too common for people undergoing protracted withdrawal from antidepressants.  Your case seems to be particularly rough because of the somatic symptoms that you're going through (i.e., hair loss, circulation, etc).  I never had the circulation issues or hair loss, but I had severe back pain that just miraculously disappeared over a 1 year period.  So there is hope for some of these seemingly hopeless conditions.  The cognitive issues will most likely slowly melt away over time. 

 

I'm really sorry to hear about all the things that you have lost in your life.  I have also lost a great many things because of protracted withdrawal.

 

The good news is that you realize that it's protracted withdrawal, and that you don't trust the doctors anymore.  There are some unfortunate people out there who don't realize what's going on, and just end up medicated or treated with more medication.  The prognosis for those people is probably not very good.  Once you get the medication out of your system, it can take a long time - but your body has begun the healing process. 

 

It sounds like you have hypersensitivity to medications and supplements.  This is something that we share in common.  The good news is that the hypersensitivity will go away with time, the bad news is that you're going to have to be very careful about what you put in your body or allow near your body until that happens.  I personally deal with the hypersensitivity by avoiding many things, and also by eating a very well balanced and healthy diet, and by walking several miles each day.  I also get a lot of sleep (8+ hours).  There's honestly not much you can really do about it.

 

Have you had any windows (i.e., periods where you feel almost normal, or at least quite a bit better)?

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WhiteLilly

Thank you for your welcome!

 

Yeah, the first months when I had no clue what was going on, I really wasn't sure whether I was going to die or what. I actually told my ex-boyfriend back then, that if I die he had to let my body get an obduction and what to do with my dogs after my death. It was rough. 

 

Yes, besides the usual ups and downs each day, I had a big window in January, during three weeks I felt better each day and had even an TOTALLY NORMAL day once. But then I had a relapse with lots of new symptoms (mainly heart pains and pressure in my ears with following pains). Since then its all just all over the place, but never again as good as in January. I really thought I was done with the withdrawal and really started to "live again", but the setback traumatized me really bad and now I am too scared to be optimistic even if a day or two is better than others. I fear that there might come a "phase 3" which is even worse. 

 

Unfortunately I am not able to walk far. It just stopped about February. I can walk about an hour and then my limbs start to shake like from severe over-exercize and then I start getting more symptoms and pains. It makes walking the dogs and doing groceries a real effort. Obviously, I can forget sports (I used to be very sporty).

 

My body is definitvely oversensitive. I cannot deal even with some sorts of teas, like the ones for stress and sleeping. I eat healthy food, never drink coffein or alcohol, try to sleep a lot (but manage only about 6 hours).

I think the worst part is that I am very lonely, since I live alone and meet people only once or twice a week. But I  am to weak to take part in an active lifestyle. Sure, when there is a good day or two, I do. Its not like I sit at home because I am too afraid to even try. I do try, but sometimes it ends badly. Like yesterday, I took the bus to my parents' place. There I had a severe attack of fatigue, pain, circulation breakdown and could hardly manage to get up again. Coming back home was torture. Things like that happen to me about 30% of the times when I leave the house (they happen also when I stay at home, but here I have only to endure and wait). 

 

I do my best to endure. Yesterday I was shocked about how many people here are "long-terms". Since I just finished my first year of withdrawal it is shocking to think, that I might still have to endure this for so many years (or forever?). But I got a grip on myself and decided, that I will settle for 10 years. I cannot keep on hoping all the time, because setbacks crush me (beginning of phase 2 was hell). I have to keep living as it is, and accept that it might take even a decade. I can do this. I had already dealt with so much awful stuff in my life (really, my life reads like a novel...), now I will deal with this. (Pep talk for myself).

 

Or as Churchill put it: "If you are going through hell, keep going".

 

Hugs to everyone,

 

Alex 


I took Citalopram (SSRI) since 2009, first 20 mg, then 40 mg. One year later they added Amitryptilin for sleeping. Then switched it to Quetiapin (100, then 50, then 25, then 10, then 5). Quetiapin helped actually a lot to sleep and improved my mood. By 2013 my body started having irrational symptoms like high blood pressure out of thin air (I was 29) and my stomach was overly sensitive, I couldn' digest half my food anymore. They gave me 3 different pills for blood pressure without finding the cause and pills for my stomach. Mid 2014 I had such severe allergy (grass, trees) that I couldn't work, so they gave me a pill for that, too (Certirizin, everybody takes it). After 10 days I developed severe symptoms and landed in hospital with Serotonin-Syndrom. The anti-allergy-pill couldn't be taken with the Citalopram, but nobody had told me that before. I had to drop Citalopram FROM ONE DAY TO ANOTHER because my body couldn't deal with it anymore (advised by doctors). No one told me, that there would be consequences if you get off your SSRI, especially if done abruptly. So the following first 4 months after that I did not have a clue what was going on. I had developed all the extreme symptoms of protracted withdrawal. The docs wanted to give me more pills because in their eyes I had a relapse into depression, but no matter how much I told them that that wasn't it, they wouldn't listen. It was only in November 2014 that I realized what was going on after finding the match to my symptoms online. Since then still in protracted withdrawal. Since December 2014 off Quetiapin, too. Most of the day practically disabled. Hoping to find support in this forum.

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joey122

guten morgen von canada ich habe die gleich probleme ich kann nicht so gut denken und menine errinerung sind schlecht lol entschuldigung fur meine schlect deutsch. Is your memory getting better ?


Been on 1 year cymbalta, 1 year  pristiq, zoloft 2 years nad seroquel 2 years.Now I've been off everything since February 2015. so 6 months free. Still have insomnia, short term memory problems, brain fog these are the only problems hope they will improve.

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Pugknows

You have a great attitude, White Lilly, and keeping your expectations low is a positive, although I doubt seriously if you'll be in post withdrawal for 10 years!

 

You'll start feeling better, bit by bit, slowly, sometimes imperceptibly, but it will happen. I find it helpful to try and remember how much worse off I was a few months ago. It helps me focus on the fact that I am healing.

 

Love, Pug


January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Mort81

Hi Lilly just checked out your thread. Your fatigue sounds exactly like mine. I feel like thats my heaviest symptom right now. I think our bodies are spending lots of time healing and therefore we are weak and completely drained. Read the recovery stories on the website. You will see lots of people who made huge changes from year 1-2. We all heal just at different times and nobody knows exactly when. Keep your head up you have a solid year under your belt. Best wishes

 

Mort


Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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