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☼ Redeemed2012 Completed Taper Off Mirtazipine on 12/01/14 - DP/DR


Redeemed2012

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Hi Everyone - 

 

I'm not a regular member here, though I have stopped in a few times in the past.  Just some quick background.  I had my first run in with meds in February of 2012.  I reluctantly started taking Lunesta to help me with very stressful time of my life.  The PDoc didn't know they had doses other than 3mg, and so he mistakenly started me at the highest dose of 3mg.  I reacted terribly, but took it for 9 weeks anyway so I could sleep.  After some terrible advice from a different doctor on how to come off (which sent me into a tailspin), I finally found the help I needed and went through sort of an emergency taper that took about 8 months total.  The Lunesta taper ended on 12/15/2012.  That whole time I was taking 15 mgs of Mirtazipine, and I gave myself 11 months rest time before I started coming off the mirtazipine.  the Mirtazipine taper took me 15 months, and I completed it on 12/01/14.  

 

 

I am now over 7 months out and I feel mostly healed ,but the one symptom that just keeps lingering is the depersonalization/derealization.  For me, it was an adverse effect of the Mirtazipine.  It has improved greatly since I've been completely off, but I feel like I've plateaued now, and I'm wondering if anyone had a similar experience with dp/dr and is it normal for it to be lingering 7 months out?  Is there good reason to hope that it will fade completely in time?  I've had it in some degree or other since I started taking the mirtazipine, and I would love to experience the world the way I used to.  

 

Thanks for your support. 

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I had 24/7 DP/DR for 3 years and when I noticed improvement it came in small pieces. It was like peeling layers off of an onion (getting closer to experiencing reality is further inside the onion I guess? Lol).

 

Mirtazapine probably induces DP/DR by acting as an agonist at kappa-opoid receptors (and maybe others, no one knows anything about mirtazapine's numerous metabolites). Withdrawing the drug will obviously then give some rapid relief.

 

If you have been DP/DR for some time you "forget" what reality feels like. For example some people with have been DP/DR for a long time can't remember what reality feels like, and some people who have been DP/DR for a long time and recovered can't remember what DP/DR feels like. Having DP/DR seems to make your memories DP/DRed as well, and your memories are not seen through that "lens" when you do not have DP/DR.

 

I think that DP/DR becomes an ingrained way of thinking if you are taking a drug that induces it, everyday. You "forget" what reality is like. It can take a long time for you to become completely immersed in reality again. By ignoring those feelings and living your live as much as possible in an occupied manner, you completing the requist requirements to reverse those neuroplastic changes that occured while you were taking the drug.

 

That's just a bunch of random ideas off of my head, none of which are mine originally probably, I don't remember. I have immense experience with DP/DR so I hope to make you feel supported.

April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg

2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones

August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg

September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg

October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg

November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg

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Welcome, Redeemed.

 

Yes, as degen said, we see very gradual recovery from depersonalization/derealization. I had it myself for at least a couple of years. It went away completely.

 

See Derealization/Depersonalization

 

What were your worst symptoms? How did they go away? Did any supplements, etc. help?

 

Please add to What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Alto and Degen - 

 

Thanks so much for your encouragement and your support!  The DP/DR has definitely improved for me over the course of time as well.  Coming off the mirtazipine completely was when I started to notice improvements.  But I seem to have hit a plateau.  For some reason, I really notice the DR part of it in my vision when it's a really sunny day.  Kind of strange, I know, but that's how the visual DR is for me.  And, of course, the feeling of being slightly detached, the strange existential thinking, my surroundings feeling foreign and strange, and not being able to remember what my life was like before DP/DR still remain.  

 

When you guys say that you had it for 2 years and 3 years, is that AFTER you got off the meds completely, or does that time include the time you were on meds?  

 

Alto -

 

As far as my worst symptoms during the taper off Lunesta:

 

- Severe dp/dr

- Really intense insomnia

- Constant flu-like symptoms

- Hypnogogic hallucinations

- Muscle tension

- Burning sensation on skin

- Loss of balance

- Brain squeezes

- Ears popping

- Tinnitus

- Occasional nausea

- Intense irritability

- Depression

- 24/7 extreme anxiety

- Paranoid thoughts

- Irrational thoughts

- Headaches

- Dizziness

- Brain fog

- Visual distortion (probably due to the DR)

- Feeling like I was moving when I wasn't

 

This about sums it up for me with the Lunesta taper.  I really was almost 100 percent convinced I wasn't going to make it through that experience.  Lunesta was the most evil thing I ever put into my body.  With that said, I took the suggestions of people on forums, kept listening to their encouragement, and put one foot in front of the other.  MOST of the symptoms above disappeared within 6 months of completing the Lunesta taper, and of those, alot of them disappeared by the time I was in the last month or two of my taper.  

 

As far as the Mirtazipine taper goes:

 

- DP/DR

- Intense irritability

- Existential obsessions

- Irrational thoughts

- Paranoid thoughts

- Mild insomnia, though most of the insomnia was repaired by now

- Anxiety

- Mild dizziness, occasional

- Brain fog

 

Now that I'm 7 months out from the Mirtazipine, and 2 years 7 months out from the Lunesta, the only symptoms that remain are:

 

- DP/DR (improved, but still lingering)

- Existential obsessions 

- Feelings of uncertainty about reality, etc. (attributable to dp/dr)

- Occasional paranoid thoughts

- Irrational thoughts

- Some social anxiety

 

 

So, as you can see, there have been major improvements!  And sometimes I start to think that I should be completely healed by now, but I have to stop and think that I'm really only 7 months off of the Mirtazipine.  I still do get concerned because I've been dealing with symptoms like this for 3 plus years now, ever since I introduced Lunesta in my body in February 2012.  It's just such a long haul.  I'm grateful for places like this where I can find encouragement and support.  So thank you both very much.  

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I obsess about existential stuff now and again, but not nearly as much as before. Some of the realizations I made in this state were crushing to me, but I think I emerged as a stronger person. It felt like a bad acid trip, or so I imagine. I embraced many of these realizations and learned to stop worrying, and enjoy life. I don't go out of my way to read philosophy or anything, as that would be an obvious trigger, but I don't hide from a lot of movies (Inceptions, yikes!) and media like I used to.

 

When I brought some of my thoughts to friends (one of which was a philosphy major), it turned out that some had grappled with them before, and still did. They just weren't as anxious about them as I was.

 

I know I'm being super vague by refering to my thoughts as "them", but I will give anxiety over free will as an example of a classic existential anxiety.

April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg

2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones

August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg

September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg

October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg

November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg

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Hello Degen - 

 

Yes, I sympathize greatly with your existential ruminations.  Like you said, I think most people have these kinds of thoughts here and there, but in our case they have a strong component of fear to go along with them, and a ton of uncertainty (at least for me).  

 

Can I ask a big favor Degen?  Can we both keep referring to existential thoughts/ideas as "them" from now on?  Other people's existential anxieties still trigger me bigtime, and then it can sometimes take a couple days to come down from that.  I know you didn't mean anything by it :)  :) , but I felt I should mention it because otherwise how would you know.  It's so encouraging to hear that the DP/DR went away for you, and it gives me so much hope to just keep at it.    

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This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hello Degen - 

 

Yes, I sympathize greatly with your existential ruminations.  Like you said, I think most people have these kinds of thoughts here and there, but in our case they have a strong component of fear to go along with them, and a ton of uncertainty (at least for me).  

 

Can I ask a big favor Degen?  Can we both keep referring to existential thoughts/ideas as "them" from now on?  Other people's existential anxieties still trigger me bigtime, and then it can sometimes take a couple days to come down from that.  I know you didn't mean anything by it :)  :) , but I felt I should mention it because otherwise how would you know.  It's so encouraging to hear that the DP/DR went away for you, and it gives me so much hope to just keep at it.    

 

 

For sure, sorry about that.

April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg

2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones

August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg

September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg

October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg

November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg

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Hello Degen - 

 

Yes, I sympathize greatly with your existential ruminations.  Like you said, I think most people have these kinds of thoughts here and there, but in our case they have a strong component of fear to go along with them, and a ton of uncertainty (at least for me).  

 

Can I ask a big favor Degen?  Can we both keep referring to existential thoughts/ideas as "them" from now on?  Other people's existential anxieties still trigger me bigtime, and then it can sometimes take a couple days to come down from that.  I know you didn't mean anything by it :)  :) , but I felt I should mention it because otherwise how would you know.  It's so encouraging to hear that the DP/DR went away for you, and it gives me so much hope to just keep at it.    

 

 

For sure, sorry about that.

 

No worries at all!!  No harm done whatsoever, Degen.  Just thought I should give you a heads up, that's all.  So, when you say you had dp/dr for 3 years, did you mean 3 years after jumping off all meds?

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