☼ Servadei

[Martina23]

Hello Servadei,

 

I have all the symptoms which you mentioned above. So you are not alone.

[servadei]

It's funny how we take calm mind for granted.

One day we will worry about petty things again, like what's for dinner..

[Martina23]

Mjam,mjam ... Now I am really thinking about what I am going to do myself for supper...

[servadei]

Today I went to another psychiatrist and she told me it was just a coincidence that my symptoms started when I stopped taking ad's and that they are not harmful and that they already left my body.

She prescribed me sulpirid which works as ad but in bigger doses as antipsychotic.

 

I asked her why not escitalopram again and she said we need to experiment with drugs to see which one works best.

 

Was kinda hoping I could reinstate...

[DaddyCee]

Hi.

 

You had been free from meds for 4 months? If so then in theory and according to half lifes then yes the drug would have left your system but that is only the half of it. As you are aware your brain chemistry has been changed from the use of these meds and the process of trying to undo all that work takes a lot longer than it does for the meds to be gone from your body.

 

Your psychiatrist sounds as though they are struggling and just want to put you on another drug so that you will go away and not bother them. This is the wrong approach but unfortunately a common one by many "so called" specialists.

 

What are you current symptoms?

 

Namaste.

[servadei]

Yeah, I know all of that..

She said she's not sure what to put me on. I know they don't know about ssri withdrawal because I tried to explain to her that my brain needs to readjust. Shecsaid forums are dangerous and there are a lot of lies on the internet. But I doubt they would think that if they went through this themselves.

 

I can manage all symptoms except severe DP/DR and anhedonia.

[DaddyCee]

sorry if you felt I was being condescending in any way, it was never intended as that.

 

I agree that there is a lot of misinformation on the internet and you need to be careful what you read and believe.

 

are you on any meds now or are you still clean?

 

DC.

[Martina23]

Servadei, when I was by psychiatrist he also told me that there is nothing like withdrawal and that my old condition is recurring, and he wanted to double my dose of the medicament I went off plus to give me also a new one SSRI in the higher amounts. After this experience I try to avoid psychiatrists. Is the anhedonia and DP/DR so unbearable? You are already 4 months away from drugs, that is a big achievement, I believe your body has made already so many adjustments and if you go on some drug it is possible that you would have to start later from zero. But sure, if it does not go other way, you can reinstate.

[Theon]

She said forums are dangerous and there are a lot of lies on the internet. 

 Well, there are almost 5000 members on this forum, so obviously withdrawal and other downsides of psychiatric medications are a real thing, regardless what she says...

 

If I were you I would wait a bit more before going on something, I know its so easy to say and so hard to do, I don't know,,,  

 

I really wish it gets better for you

[servadei]

DC, no no it's okay. I'm just confused and sad and I feel defeated. Never in my life did I imagine I could feel like this. I am not on anything, even supplements.

 

Martina and Theon yeah, they get educated for so long and miss something as important as this. Funny but sad. They'll never know how this feels and think that druga solve everything.

She would put me

[servadei]

*She would put me on this and the next time I see her it would probably be something else. I think that's really dangerous for the brain.

 

But if it doesn't get better I would try escitalopram again as I am pretty suicidal.

[DaddyCee]

I tell you what helped me with the SI symptom..... don't laugh but Cashew and Almond nuts. When I had the feeling I would eat a few of them and the feelings would be easier to manage.

 

DC.

[servadei]

I had strong cravings for sugar and I used to hate chocolate. Lol

And very salty snacks and fast foods.

 

I don't know where to start about changing my diet or what to eat but one nun told me to eat bananas and almonds lol

So it's definitely something in those foods.

[DaddyCee]

yes sugar and caffeine still affect me to this day. I use to love a strong properly brewed coffee but not anymore. I have also stopped drinking alcohol from May 2014. I find products with Aspartame in also have an adverse effect on me, though this is slowly getting better.

 

DC.

[servadei]

I am worried I'm getting some other mental illness. It really could be coincidence that it started right after I stopped AD's. Maybe they were masking it.

[DaddyCee]

I suspect that is your anxious thoughts kicking in..... I use to think the same what ifs

 

what if I am getting ill again, what if this is depression, what if I lose my job etc.  Now I think So What. This changes the outcome or my way of thinking a lot. If I worry then things only seem to get worse, if I accept then things seem to get better. If that makes sense.

 

DC.

[Theon]

The fact that you are worried and fear about that is a sign of anxiety,

 

After my first round of prozac, my anxiety skyrocketed and I had (among other fears) an irrational and extremely strong fear of having a severe mental illness, I had the fear of having depression, I had the fear of having bipolar, I had the fear of having schizophrenia, and I convinced myself several times a day that I didn't have any of those, but reassuring those fears only made them come back stronger after a while, and the whole process began again.

 

By January 2015 I was in such an anxious state of fight or flight that I couldn't sleep more than 5 hours a day, I woke up several times during the night experiencing irrational fear, etc.

 

At the end I couldn't take it anymore and reinstated to prozac in January 2015, but prozac initially made my anxiety even worse, and when it "worked" it numbed my emotions and feelings to the extent of losing interest about everything... all my hobbies gone,,,. Now I don't fear anything, I have ssri-induced apathy and fear is something that I cannot longer feel, but I also dont crave anything, don't feel enthusiasm for anything, it's like being half-alive...

[Martina23]

I am worried I'm getting some other mental illness. It really could be coincidence that it started right after I stopped AD's. Maybe they were masking it.

Servadei, this is absolutely normal. I have it also. When the symptoms get particularly bad or worse, I am immediately thinking I am getting schizophrenie. And than I am only checking if I dont start to hear the voices or having hallucinations. This what you describes, is very common, almost everyone has it. Dont worry, we should hope it will get better.

[Martina23]

 

At the end I couldn't take it anymore and reinstated to prozac in January 2015, but prozac initially made my anxiety even worse, and when it "worked" it numbed my emotions and feelings to the extent of losing interest about everything... all my hobbies gone,,,. Now I don't fear anything, I have ssri-induced apathy and fear is something that I cannot longer feel, but I also dont crave anything, don't feel enthusiasm for anything, it's like being half-alive...

 

Theon, my heart ached when I was reading this. Therefore I dont want to reinstate if there is a slight possibility to avoid it. Because now I can feel, even if I am anxious and I can see the beauty of things. When I was on Lyrica (during the tapering) my whole day was filled only with anxiety. And I was not living, the only purpose I had was to survive a day. And now I can actively participate in everything and it is beautiful. To feel connected with yourself.

[servadei]

I know all of that but still doesn't help. I can't help but imagine the worst outcomes.

 

Theon, I already feel half alive so I would love to feel like you. Without fear.

 

DP/DR gives me strangest thoughts. At one point I was afraid of space and time. Yes, space and time. How stupid is that.

[servadei]

I actually felt great on my AD. Never even knew about anhedonia.

 

Now I just feel like being aware of my existence and forced to be in this world where nothing makes sense. And everytime I realize I'm only 19 it scares me how many more years I have to live.

 

Martina, now I see why you can take it, because you feel conected to everything. That's really nice. I forgot how a human being should feel.

[manymoretodays]

So......how is the school and work situation going?  Still living with a relative or back in your fathers house?

 

And were there other medications prior to the escitalopram?

 

If not.......I think you are going to have to give it a full year and yah.......I will be praying that you find some supports locally who at least somewhat get it........non judgmental and understanding types, as well as learn to take advantage of the DP/DR a bit.........  perhaps from the outside looking in it will become somewhat clearer.  And your fear will dissipate and patience will grow.  Your basic needs will be met, etc.  (All part of my prayer and intentions ).

 

My own experience.......so very different from yours........but similar in the escitalopram withdrawal aspect...........well, it definitely got easier at 9 mos. out and with the additional family component/ added monkey wrench.  Meant to be.....I see that.......important and valid in my own scheme of things,  that which I have no control over,  which by the way..........I don't even attempt to over analyze anymore........or place blame.........or feel so much anger about.

 

You ARE important, worthwhile, intelligent, beautiful and meant to be here.

 

Hugs.

[Martina23]

Servadei, did you reinstate in the end or not? How are you feeling?

[servadei]

Many, thanks for prayers. <3

 

Martina, no because nobody prescribed it to me. I'm still feeling depressed and detached. Can't stop thinking about the future. But there's nothing I can do but wait..

[servadei]

Hey Guys..I'm doing better, but my initial disorder is coming to light again (anxiety) so I'm trying to find a way to manage that without medicine. I'm volunteering on monday and thursday, watching and playing with kids at wednesday and church youth at Friday. Would love to go to college but i'm still not sure. Oh, and I'm waiting for my group therapy to start.

To be honest, coming on this forum and readig scary stuff was a bad idea so I only check monthly on some people. I was rather shocked to hear about Blue... But I bave to keep myself from bad news. Hope you're all doing okay.

 

All the best,

Servadei

[servadei]

Still doing good, but I have no idea what to do with my anxiety disorder and derealization?

[Fresh]

Hi Servadei ,  good to hear from you.

As you continue to recover , your anxiety should become more manageable.

 

You might look in the Symptoms and Self Care section for threads relating to mindfulness and anxiety management.

Tai Chi , yoga , exercise , meditation , relaxation , mindfulness , cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)  have

all helped people get through withdrawal , and are skills you'll find helpful for the rest of your life.

[servadei]

Yes but i had anxiety disorder prior to my medication. I might go with CBT

[Fresh]

Good choice.

See  Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression,...and

Dr Claire Weekes program

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10964-the-dr-claire-weekes-method-of-recovering-from-a-sensitized-nervous-system/?hl=%2Bcognitive+%2Bbehavioral+%2Btherapy

and youtube video here 

[servadei]

Thanks Fresh

[servadei]

Hey guys!!

I can sleep whole night, I no longer wake up at 4-5 am. I also have less trouble falling asleep. I find that naps confuse me and excerbate my symptoms.

I still have ocassional nerve pain in my left shoulder blade but it's only 20-40 percent of what it used to be, and it's more of a painful reminder of how it used to be rather then paniful physically. (Also, pain doesn't spread through my left arm again). Tinnitus is still here, sometimes loud and annoying though there was a period when it was really quiet.

I started working out and I'm still volunteering. I can study, maybe slower, but I can.

 

 

Altough getting out of house is always a huge step for me. My anxiety has never been higher. I constantly feel dizzy and on the verge of passing out. I have weird fears like, when I'm really scared I fear that reality is falling appart. I make myself go out of house at least once a day because staying in mean i

I get more and more agoraphobic. I constantly feel like I'm going to go crazy and start screaming in the middle of the street. Nobody knows this, but everytime I go out by myself, like to the store or park or with my friends for coffee I praise myself when I get home. I also constantly have flashbacks of old dreams and childhood, it drives me crazy sometimes. I no longer have DP all the time, DR is still here but it's not that strong and if I'm immersed in what I do it goes away. Last couple of days I had intense fear, dizziness I made myself go voluteering and yesterday to piano concert!!! *proud*

 

I told myself I won't let this stop me! I want to be like my peers, youthful and happy. Traveling and meeting new people like I used. I can say this experience lowered my self esteem pretty much but I started building in in different ways.

 

Yes there are still days where I have suicidal thoughts and so much anger for what happened but I also have a bit of hope. On the days when i feel better I try to build up as many positive thoughts as I can. I also became very jealous of other people but I hope this experience will make me stronger. Sometimes I think it will never ene, but everything comes to and end. I just have to make it until there.

 

Please tell me about your improvement and small succeses (like going to the store, enjoying a movie, baking a cake...). Let's make this a positive thread!!!

Also, my religion is helping me, altough I have trouble going to church. If you're Catholic, pray st. Rita's novena. She's helped me and she's a patron saint of impossible cases. Also to st. Dyphna, patron saint of mentally ill.

 

Thanks for reading and if you have any questions please feel free to ask.

[servadei]

A park where I work out

[Shep]

That's a beautiful picture, servadei. Thank you for sharing it. 

 

From your update, you're still struggling, but also seeing improvements. I definitely think this experience will make you stronger. You're already volunteering, working out, and studying. And this is only the beginning of the good things to come your way. 

 

Thanks for the positive update. 

[Martina23]

Hello Servadei, I liked very much what you wrote on my thread, it was so positive and my mood went immediately higher.

That is great that you can sleep already the whole night through. I think this is the most important. The other symptoms will go away but you can manage it till recovery if you sleep well.

The anxiety part I have also. But slowly it starts to break. I hope that sooner or later the anxiety will disappear. But it is good that you go out inspite of feeling anxious. That is the right approach. Be careful with your working out that it does not ramp up your anxiety.

[servadei]

Shep and Martina, thanks for visiting my thread and thank you for the kind words.

I hope we all see a lot of improvement in the future!

[servadei]

Hey guys, does anyone know about Royal Jelly? Could it be good for wd...Does anyone use it?

My friend makes some and she offered to give me for free because of my condition so I'm wondering if it could be good.