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Withdrawal causing repetitive or intrusive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic?


Goldy

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Can I just please vent for a second. I am tapering after a CT of Lexapro and reinstatement taper now..and at a party with my boyfriend I shook the hand of his friend to say " good game " after we all had played a game and my mind was telling me when you shake his hand squeeze it a certain way because you obviously like him etc and while I do think he's attractive I am happy with my relationship. Instead of running I did shake his hand and I feel I squeeze it in the way my brain told me to. Did I just give into an intrusive thought? I feel so guilty please help. I'm sorry if I sound silly I just cant stop replaying it.

Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014

New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

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  • 2 weeks later...

While tapering off Seroquel I had intrusive thoughts which came as someone calling me names; swear words I would never use; negative statements about everything I said or did, using terminology that was very offensive.  They have stopped now.   I felt like there were more than one of me talking to me. 

July Medications: Started taking antidepressants in 1981, also benzos off and on; antiphychotics , anti-seizure for years.   Trazodone, Lamotrigine, Klonopin for over 10 years   all at maximum dosages,:Disconcontinued Klonopin in month of February 2011,  discontinued Trazodone and Lamotrigine   in month of March 2011 while in hosptial.  Given Seroquel to "help" go off Klonopin  gradually increased to 600 mg ; doctor took me off 600 mg. Seroquel in two weeks, and switched to Resperidal  because of weight gain on Seroquel, went off Resperidal quickly,   then gradually reinstated  Seroquel to 600 mg. at my request.   Went off Seroquel by myself at 25mg. per month in 2014.     Last medication Seroquel completely off since May 2016. Also went off Morphine at the same time as last 25 mg. of Seroquel in May 2016. Started tapering Celexa 40mg. to 35mg.  on 11 Aug. 2016  ; 16 Oct. Celexa 32.5 mg.; 6 Nov. 2016:  30mg. , 50 mg abt. Feb 26 with occasional 30mg.  , : May 10, 2017 began tapering rapidly because of adverse reaction to Celexa;, 40 mg. Celexa;   May 24, 2017: 35mg Celexa.;  June 8, 2017, 30 mg. Celexa, June 22, 2017 25mg.Celexa,; July 6,2017 20mg. CELEXA, July 20: 15mg.; August 10: Sep 29 2017: 10mg. Celexa + 10mg. Prozac, 5 Oct, 2017:  5mg. Celexa + 10mg. Prozac.; Oct. 14 Celexa 0., Prozac 10mg.Took last Prozac on November 22, 2017, Jan. 31 30mg. Cymbalta........ May Cymbalta 90mg.

 

Supplements Cal/Mag , Potassium, , Multi Vitamin.  digestive aid, antioxidant

Medications presently taking:    Lyrica 150mg. 2x day  , Synthroid 175mcg, Nasonex 2 sprays each nostril, once a day ,     Tylenol  1,000 mg. 2x day., , Restasis eye drops 2x day,  Trazodone 100 mg, Cymbalta 90 mg. Arthrotec 50 mg., Plavix

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  • 4 months later...

I've recently had intrusive...feelings? It's like I don't get the thoughts very much but I get the feeling of wanting to die a lot. It's terrifying because it's so untrue! Not planning it out, not thinking of how to do it or when, nothing like that. Just feeling the want to die or like it's going to happen. I'm so scared! Days like those just cause bawling my eyes out until there's nothing left, but they can be overwhelming.

 

I've promised loved ones that self harm and suicide are things I'd never do, I'd always search for help first. It's really hard when you don't have a counselor to trust and you're untrusting of the psychiatrist.

- 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg (no issues, did well)
- Mid 2012 Switched to Celexa 20mg (no issues with switch)
- 6/16 Stopped Celexa (always took med once every other day, tapered to once every three days for about a week and a half, took one a week for one week, no problems)
- 10/20/16 Started Celexa 20mg (next day had panic attacks, stopped after three days, kept having panic attacks and anxiety rest of the month)
- 10/28/16 Started Paxil 20mg (took for almost a week, had suicidal thoughts/severe derealization, tapered off to one every other day for a few days)
- 12/8/16 Buspirone 5mg twice daily (felt drowsy but kept anxiety under wraps, still taking it)
- 12/27/16 Venlafaxine XR 37.5mg (took two days, migraine first day, headache all day second day, third day had severe depression/outbursts of crying, couldn't stop most of the day, bad invasive thoughts, never took third dose because of it)
- 1/7/17 taper Buspirone 20% (miscalculation but doing well), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month to almost half each pill

- 2/3/17 taper Buspirone 2.5mg twice daily (did fine, listened to body), gradually slivered off tablet throughout month

 

* Aromatherapy 100% oils in diffuser every night *

* Morning stretching routine every day *

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  • 2 months later...

I'm just wondering when others' intrusive thoughts went away. Was it a gradual change or windows and waves type thing? I never ever had thoughts like this before my kindling reaction. They are terrifying and make me feel like a crazy person. If this symptom alone went away I would be SO much better off. I'm really needing some hope, reassurance that this is normal or any kind words.

2011-2014: 25-50mg Zoloft then CT via doctors advice. Some mild physical sx but fully functioning, unaware that withdrawal was a thing. Dr didn’t know why I was chronically dizzy with brain fog & advised to try Zoloft again.

2016: severe adverse reactions to Zoloft (1 dose), Paxil (3 weeks), celexa (2 weeks), buspar (1 dose), lamictal (4 doses). Ativan 12 times within a month. Also tried Xanax & klonopin a couple times. Each reaction became more severe. Kindled. Became disabled from these meds.

Drug free 12-16-2016
Month 1-20: +5% healing every month
Month 21- present: setback to acute from amoxicillin antibiotic (1 dose)
Month 32- 11 months into setback from antibiotic. Seems I was floxed by amoxicillin somehow. Horrific.

 

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Waiting12, I'm wondering the same thing but I don't think anyone really knows. I'm trying to learn to accept them and move on. The neuro emotions often get in the way and that's what make them so scary for me. Right now it's driving in the car, especially on bridges or near water when I have those thoughts of "what if I just drive my car straight off..." it causes major anxiety when driving over and I find myself gripping the steering wheel and focusing hard to get over. Any advice someone would give would be greatly appreciated.

mFrustrated

 

Celexa- 2 days (February 2016)

Paxil- 5 days (February 2016)

Zoloft- 11 days (February 2016)

BuSpar-2 days (June 2016)

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  • 10 months later...

I have read some threads here about rumination and the "Emotional Spirals" thread. I was wondering if anyone else has these issues though? It would be nice to talk to someone else who is going through this. In the beginning of my Phase II I was having really bad rumination. It's like thoughts would get stuck in my head on repeat for hours and HOURS. It seems to happen less now, but sometimes I can get the smallest trigger and then it's like my brain goes into puzzle solving mode. Running through a million thoughts, trying to organize them or make sense of them...like I'm trying to figure out a puzzle. That's when a wave hits and I'll be out of commission for days...4-6 days maybe at a time. The whole time the puzzle is running through my head and I get no break. It's so hard to focus on anything else let alone figure out how to break the cycle. I feel like it would be helpful for me to find a trigger to get me out of it...like a positive trigger? I'm not really sure what to do though. 

 

Has anyone else had this problem? How do you cope?

April 2015 - Started Wellbutrin XL 150mg for smoking cessation
April 2015 - Started Lexapro 10mg for depression
July 2015 - Tapered off of Wellbutrin and had a mental breakdown
December 2015 - Began slowly healing from mental breakdown
Mid 2016 - Increased Lexapro to 20mg
October 2017 - Began tapering off Lexapro. Dropped dosage in half every 2 weeks. Terrible withdrawal.
November 2017 - Finished tapering
December 2017 - Phase II began and I found this website
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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Intrusive/repetitive thoughts, rumination and increased panic?
  • 6 months later...

Hi. I also have this problem of intrusive and repetitive thoughts. It is logical for all of us to have this horrible adverse effect and withdrawal effect because one psychiatrist told me that psychiatric drugs affect our thinking, and if these psychiatric drugs are crap, of course they damage our brain and therefore we end up having these horrible intrusive and repetitive thoughts. It has been terrible for me because they don't let me do my mindfulness meditation in which I try to be aware and to observe the thoughts that emerge in my mind rather than getting lost in them unawerely. I was able to do it but just yesterday that I did a reduction of tramadol, I was not able to observe my thoughts, they were just impossible to control. It was so frustrating. They also won't let me focus.

In 2008 I was 16 years old. 2008 - 2010 paxil, clonazepam & semisodium valproate. 2013 - 2017 many psych meds with cold switches and CT's prescribed by psychiatrists.

Nov/30/17 started quetiapine IR tablets 100mg 0-0-1. Dec/1/17 started pristiq 50mg tablets 1-0-0. Jan/14/18 started 1.5mg melatonin 0-0-1

Tramadol: 2 year well done (slow and gradual) taper: from Mar/12/18 to Feb/11/20 

Pristiq taper: Jun/15/20 Converted from pristiq 50mg to efexor xr 75mg for 57 days (felt good).  Aug/11/20 weaned to efexor 37.5mg and stayed there for 2 months with 26 days (felt good). Nov/6/20  CT 0mg of efexor xr (felt good). Total time in tapering pristiq 50mg by converting to efexor xr 75mg: 4 months with 22 days: Jun/15/20 to Nov/6/20. (felt good)

Efexor 0mg and quetiapine 100mg (Nov/6/20 to Dic/11/20) (felt good being without effexor and taking 100mg quetiapine)

Dic/11/20 quetiapine 75mg, so 75mg from Dic/11/20 to Jan/4/21  25 days. Jan/5/21 quetiapine 50mg (1 day in 50mg).

Jan/6/21 1st CT of quetiapine. Mar/1/21 CT melatonin. Felt terrible so Mar/25/21 reinstated 100mg quetiapine. 

100mg quetiapine 19 days (Mar/25/21 - Apr/13/21) Felt good while in quetiapine 100mg. 75mg quetiapine 55 days (Apr/14/21 - Jun/8/21) the 55th day (Jun/8/21)  felt hellish so CT'd quetiapine for a 2nd time on Jun/9/21. 

Jun/9/21 - Nov/16/21 1st days insomnia, anxiety, took cbd and felt very good many days (healed insomnia & anxiety), CT'd ginkgo which made me felt terrible so reinstated ginkgo. Started intolerable back pain (spasm) so tried other herbs along with cbd, then started derealization, panic, indecisiveness, nostalgia & others. Stopped taking cbd & herbs, reinstated quetiapine 75mg Nov/17/21, immediately after taking it, had severe heart palpitations, so Nov/18/21 back to cbd (no quetiapine). Nov/20/21 reinstated 75mg quetiapine (stopped cbd & herbs), severely couldn't breathe for 5 seconds after taking quetiapine 75mg so reduced to 50 mg on Nov/28/21 had new and worse and very severe adverse effects, got indecisive if CT or keep taking quetiapine because I was terrified of CT, but since the new severe adverse effects were very severe I CT, and because of indecisiveness and panic to CT, I reinstated again, then CT'd and reinstated many times, last time I was taking quetiapine it was 25mg and had severe TD, hellish anhedonia, suicidal, intrusive thoughts of imagining myself running into a wall and crashing into it and I was feeling the pain as if I was doing it in real life, involuntary thoughts of punching my face or head and shashing it against the wall and some times I did punch my face, and when I didn't, I also felt the pain just by imagining it, so definitive CT on Jul/15/22. 

Free from quetiapine and psych meds since Jul/15/22.

MY BEST ADVICE: FOLLOW SA'S GUIDELINES, DON'T CT BECAUSE IT IS HORRIFIC AND BE PATIENT TO WAIT A LONG TIME TO DO VERY SLOW AND GRADUAL TAPERS IN ORDER TO GET OFF OF YOUR MEDICATIONS, IT IS WORTH IT. THE ONLY MOMENTS WHERE IS RIGHT TO CT IS AFTER YOUR 1ST CT THAT YOU DID BECAUSE OF IGNORANCE OR IMPATIENCE, IF YOU REINSTATE AND FEEL SEVERE ADVERSE EFFECTS LIKE TD, ANHEDONIA, FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DROWNING, OR THE ONE'S I HAD, IT IS BEST TO CT IN MY EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE WHEN I REINSTATED I GOT MUCH WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS IN THE PREVIOUS CT. I'm not a doctor.

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i really need some success stories about this withdrawal symptom. my mind is just filled constantly with never-ending thoughts, worries, problem solving, questioning. it's never, ever quiet and it's driving me crazy. i took prozac for ocd but it was never ever this bad before i took the meds. since coming off the past year has been a nightmare of constant rumination and panic and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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just replying to this post myself as i forgot to turn on the notifications button. 

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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I suffer from lots of intrusive thoughts, both while on meds and while off them. Much worse now that I am off and the content is darker and more morbid, and it is tough for me to use my conscious "voice" that is me to separate myself from them, as that voice seems slowed down and lagged almost like I were drunk. I also have this wonderful new type of intrusive thought that I get when I am closing my eyes attempting to fall asleep.  It feels like a dream while I am awake and it usually involved someone else I have never met--my mind created this vivid recreation of some scenario that has nothing to do with me or my situation. It is distressing. But I try to remind myself I didn't always have these thoughts and the liklihood I will always have them now is low. I wish I could come up for an example for you all but they are very tough to remember and feels like some sort of glitch in the sleep/wake cycle. I am hoping this passes with time so that I can look forward to sleeping again instead of dreading it. I do not have much at all to look forward to these days, being emotionally numb and feeling brain damaged and not myself. 

2001-2017-worked my way up from 25mg of zoloft and 2mg of Concerta to 200mg of zoloft and 36mg of Concerta

February 2017-Stopped Concerta cold turkey

September 2017-Added 2mg of Abilify

November 2017-came off Abilify

December 2017-began taper of zoloft 50mg a week while tapering on to Viibryd

January 2018-back on zoloft 200mg

February 2018--tapered off zoloft over a month onto 40mg of prozac

April 2018-CT prozac due to suspected "serotonin syndrome"

 

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On 9/7/2018 at 11:44 PM, Noloft said:

I suffer from lots of intrusive thoughts, both while on meds and while off them. Much worse now that I am off and the content is darker and more morbid, and it is tough for me to use my conscious "voice" that is me to separate myself from them, as that voice seems slowed down and lagged almost like I were drunk. I also have this wonderful new type of intrusive thought that I get when I am closing my eyes attempting to fall asleep.  It feels like a dream while I am awake and it usually involved someone else I have never met--my mind created this vivid recreation of some scenario that has nothing to do with me or my situation. It is distressing. But I try to remind myself I didn't always have these thoughts and the liklihood I will always have them now is low. I wish I could come up for an example for you all but they are very tough to remember and feels like some sort of glitch in the sleep/wake cycle. I am hoping this passes with time so that I can look forward to sleeping again instead of dreading it. I do not have much at all to look forward to these days, being emotionally numb and feeling brain damaged and not myself. 

 

I had this last night. Half my brain was asleep and half was awake

2009-2010 Citalopram 20mg CT no problems

 

Sertaline 2010- 6monnths

 

2011- 2017 June 2017- Citalopram 20mg CT

 

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I suffer terribly from this.  I find myself sometimes not knowing awake or asleep?  Mine are always catastrophic events that end with a sort of cliffhanger so recovering is difficult in that I obsess on the thoughts/dreams and try to find resolutions, which is impossible because it’s not real.  This all leads the a mess in my head, swirling thoughts, inability to concentrate, headaches and a deep desire for it all to end.  Hopelessness has taken deep root in my mind.  There is no end.   Down to 42 beads of Cymbalta and the closer I get the worse I feel...

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Have recognised that I'm very much in this "zone" of thinking.

 

Won't be starting CBT for another 2 weeks (when my weight loss course finishes).

 

Unable to tackle too many things at once so one big thing at a time.

 

Repetitive intrusive thoughts about abusive family members - obsession, hatred etc.,

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

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  • 5 months later...

i have uncrontrollable intrusive/repetitive intrusive thoughts also. worse when i'm going through a wave, when my brain is trying to figure out how to rewire/where to put the new synapses lol. it's electrical. the butons which say "cry now" get pissed now" "pity party now" etc are all confused with buttons that say"be joyful now" "laugh hysterically now" and "don't care about anything now" and it's like somebody switched the wires so i act and feel inappropraitealy to the current situation a lot. silence is my friend but also my enemy, because if i say what i feel it can backfire but holding it in can also backfire. what to do? ride the waves i guess...

UPDATED: 9/01/2019

Quetiapine:  2000-2005: 50mg;  2005: 100mg;   2008: 400mg;   2011: 100mg;   2014: 300mg;   2014-2017: 400mg;  7/2018-2/2019: 75mg;  1/2019: 68.75mg;  4/2019: completed switch to 3x daily dosing (25mg 8AM, 18.75mg 4PM, 25mg MIDNITE);  5/2019: 68.75mg (switched to all liquid taper using HUMCO suspension agent)  8/2019: 61mg       

Clonazepam:  2008: 2mg then 0.25mg;   2012: 0.5mg;   2014: 1mg;   4/2019: 1mg ~completed switch to 3x daily dosing (0.25mg 8AM, 0.25mg 2PM, 0.5mg 8PM);   8/2019: 1mg (switched to all liquid taper using propylene glycol as solvent)    

Gabapentin:   2011: 100mg;   2011: 200mg TID    2014: 300mg;  2017: 600mg;   2019: 900mg PM;   3/2019: completed switch to 3x daily dosing (300mg q8h)

Prior drugs: Please see this link:    (the remaining dates & meds records will be updated as i receive my complete medical files.)

Suppl's: Deva Vegan Multi & Mineral Supplement w/Greens 1x, Magnesium Lysinate Glycinate Chelate 100mg 4x, vit c 1000mg  2x, zinc gluconate 50mg 1x q.o.d., Allicin Max 180mg TID,  chlorella/spirulina 50/50 blend 2tabs 5x daily

HRT:  300mg oral progesterone h.s., 0.1mg estradiol transdermal patch 2x week

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Withdrawal causing intrusive or repetitive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic?
  • 10 months later...
On 12/3/2012 at 9:49 PM, antoinette said:

Does anyone else have the intrusive thoughts? Its horrible. I feel crazy. People I've talked too that's been through withdrawal said they go away just like everything else. I sure hope so. I feel like this is me now.

I have horrible intrusive thoughts to

  • 13th of August 2019 started to take 20 mg citalopram
  • 😀24th of August 2019 down to 10mg stopped citalopram altogether on the 30th of August 2019
Quote

Short term citalopram

 

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  • 1 month later...

hello. i have key word searched until im frustrated. read all the success stories but nonone there has been as severe as me symptoms and situation wise. I need to know id anyone has had severe INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS and ever recovered. I do mean the ones about self harm but mostly about harming others. also i feelbkike my identity is gone and i am tormented by these symtpoms. not knowing what is a symptom and what is just me now. i feel a total disconnect from my husband and son. 

2020, October the 2nd

(in this members words)

Off the offending meds now for 1.5 years

Zoloft, Lexapro, then a whole ton of drugs i was destroyed by in hospitals

 

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Withdrawal causing repetitive or intrusive thoughts, rumination, and increased panic?
  • Administrator

@boymom, see the discussion above.

 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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From my diary, I wanted to post those here because I really need some advice on how to effectively deal with  this w out meds. 

 

I'm in a wave, I'm sitting here crying, the dpdr is bad, old symtoms are creeping in and the anxiety cannot be quelled, I feel bad, I can't pinpoint it, and  that's how it was w aka, it's just a bad uneasy feeling you can not pin down or rectify. 

But not being able to pin down what's wrong and feeling on the edge with  panic thoughts is so so so stressful, just so so stressful. Like any minute I will think about the air around me and in my mind or my imagination or whatever, it's suffocating me!! The air! The air that I need is suffocating me?! These have to be the thoughts of a crazy woman....and omg do they scare me......and I can't get away from it, I mean it's the air! and it drives me into a severe panic and then it's an obsession that doesnt go away. It's like my brain puts an emotion to this thought and my brain attaches to it, it grips this "air" thought and panic and terror , and chains them together and then this thought haunts me over and over and over until I really feel like I am fully on insane. And I've tried to senstize myself and just think and exhaust the feelings, but That doesn't work for me, all the t does is further embed that emotion to that thought and makes it worse and make me obsess even more. I did the same thing years ago with another thought (which is why I got on Paxil to begin with) And I sit here and fight it and try to cope and it takes every ounce of myself to calm down and distract myself. I don't want to live like this. 

 

If anyone could help?

Whats the best coping mechanism? How do I untrain my brain from "learning" emotional connections to innocuous thoughts? 

 

I know people use emdr for stuff like this, but for various reasons I don't have access to that where I live and I don't have money for it. 

 

Thank you. 

 

 

 

*Currently at 8.2-8.5 mg of my 10mg pill of Paxil (they actually weigh 12.5mg) 

january 2023 I began reducing my med again. I was a 9mg weight for years, I went to 8.9 in January, went to 8.6mg in February, and in March 2023 I went down to 8.5-8.2 mg ( my scale varies, so I stick within that .3 range because of that) 

*No other supplements or vitamins 

*Taper schedule in the pdf 

Blank.pdf

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5vShtJtwAOGA30OxIP87steLmMdFzD29F0fzAPD564

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  • 1 year later...

I am 2.5 years CT off lexapro and a pile of stressful situations threw me into a wave after 6+ months of doing really good with little to no waves.  The intrusive thoughts are the worse.  Among the stress was a situation with an abusive and narcissistic neighbor.  I'm now terrified of her and I literally start shaking when I go outside or see her or her husband.  My mind is so stuck on this situation and her abuse and words to and about me. It's been over a month now and the anxiety is so severe at times. I wake up every morning in sheer panic and it takes hours in the morning to get out of a paralyzed state.  I've had other waves where I've had intrusive and obsessive thoughts and I know they'll go away, at least I'm trying to tell myself that.  But i cant help but feel despairing as I see my family struggle with a wife and mom who is "sick" and not present because I'm just trying to push through and survive and keep doing what I'm supposed to.  Time is already fleeting and dealing with this stuff is stealing time from my family.  I'm so done!

2011-2014:  Lexapro -30 mg  Ativan .5 mg as needed  January 2014: Cymbalta -30 mg  added Seroquel  ?mg

March 2014:  Off seroquel, Cymbalta 20 mg   Sept. 2014:  Went off Cymbalta cold turkey and changed to Lexapro 30 mg and 10 mg Buspar

April 2015: Off Buspar, Lexapro 20 mg  August 2015- February 2016- Twin pregnancy

August 2018: Weaned down to 10 mg of Lexapro  January 2019: Weaned down to 5 mg of Lexapro

May 2019: Stopped Lexapro 0 mg.  Started taking CBD oil 20 drops a day.  

6-8 weeks- experiencing withdrawal symptoms (emotional, extreme anxiety, anger, brain zaps, adreniline rushes) from Lexapro withdrawal

July 2019:  Pnuemonia- Z-pack antibiotic, steroid 

... heart palpitations, racing heart, chest pain, (warranted an ER visit)  Dr. gave me hydroxine for anxiety- 25 mg

Sept 2019: Magnesium supplement 250 mg daily, melatonin/benadryl for sleep, CBD oil as needed

Oct. 2019- Present: Birth Control, Magnesium 250 mg, melatonin/benadryl for sleep, Metaprolol- 12.5 mg for adreneline rushes, heart palpitations- once daily/taken as needed.  CBD oil as needed.

 

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It sure is crazy how being in withdrawal creates anxiety, stress, fear, ruminating thoughts, and a litany of other things. 

 

They arent real, but rather a symptom of our unstable CNS. Once I got out of my wave and in a big window, even more so after my jump to 0, it is amazing how all that mostly disappeared. I didnt do anything different, in fact because I wasnt experiencing those symptoms as intensely I became lazier and less proactive to do CBT therapy, relaxation techniques etc, yet still felt better than when I was doing all that stuff.

 

It had nothing to do with anything except my CNS became more stable. Even though I knew that while I was going through the intense emotions it did nothing to dissuade them. Absolutely crazy how affected we are by withdrawal!

 

The good news is our CNS slowly heals and these symptoms get better over time.

40 yo Male. Started Paxil about 15 years ago. 10 mg (pill weight .125 - .129 g). 5 yrs wanted less side effects, doctor took me off Paxil over couple week period and put me on Wellbutrin. Not good. Went back on Paxil. Relieved my symptoms, but didn't work as well and more side effects. Severe reaction between Paxil and Zomig Summer of 2012. Head was affected during warmer days (cloudiness, confusion, pressure). Began 10% withdrawal 10/24/12.

Withdrawel helped many symptoms, but also added side effects: nausea, dizziness, tiredness. Hyper-anxiety started January 2014.

Went through a 2 year period of de-realization (2016-2018).  Rarely any windows.  
Current dose: 0.00 as of 4/10/21.  Made a lot of progress in my withdrawal symptoms the last 2 years of my taper.  I think doing a liquid taper helped stabilize things on the lower doses.  A lot of my symptoms have reduced significantly.  Hoping for even more improvement now that I am off.
My thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8909-rusty1-paxil-withdrawal-help-and-advice-welcome/#entry150222

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On 9/13/2021 at 3:25 PM, MCK020609 said:

I am 2.5 years CT off lexapro and a pile of stressful situations threw me into a wave after 6+ months of doing really good with little to no waves.  The intrusive thoughts are the worse.  Among the stress was a situation with an abusive and narcissistic neighbor.  I'm now terrified of her and I literally start shaking when I go outside or see her or her husband.  My mind is so stuck on this situation and her abuse and words to and about me. It's been over a month now and the anxiety is so severe at times. I wake up every morning in sheer panic and it takes hours in the morning to get out of a paralyzed state.  I've had other waves where I've had intrusive and obsessive thoughts and I know they'll go away, at least I'm trying to tell myself that.  But i cant help but feel despairing as I see my family struggle with a wife and mom who is "sick" and not present because I'm just trying to push through and survive and keep doing what I'm supposed to.  Time is already fleeting and dealing with this stuff is stealing time from my family.  I'm so done!

 

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this situation MCK, it would take anyone off-balance but withdrawal sure makes it much worse. I have been through this a few times in WD. What are you trying? Is it possible to remove yourself from this situation - i.e. take a vacation or do something positive to change the channel for a bit? What are things that are helping you get from those emotional spirals? What would you need to happen for you to be able to let this go and take care of yourself?

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • 1 month later...

Hi

 

I just wanted to ask whether it was common for intrusive thoughts and rumination to still be present after 2 years?

 

I find myself still stuck with the odd horrible thought and thinking the strangest of scenarios that either make me angry or upset. The likelihood of these scenarios actually happening is probably impossible. I just dont know how to stop it.

 

I feel as though this far out my mind will never be my own again. And it is a very upsetting feeling to think I may have them for ever.

 

I dont have the same thoughts more than once and i dont fixate on them, so I am not sure this falls under OCD.

 

Thanks

Citalopram 20mg september 23 2019 - 29th September 2019

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  • 2 months later...
On 12/3/2012 at 1:49 PM, antoinette said:

Does anyone else have the intrusive thoughts? Its horrible. I feel crazy. People I've talked too that's been through withdrawal said they go away just like everything else. I sure hope so. I feel like this is me now.

Did they go away? It’s been a rough go for me.

Sep 2009 - Oct 2015: 100 mg of Sertraline

Oct 2015 - May 2017: 50 mg of Sertraline

May 2017 - May 2021: 60 mg of Duloxetine

May 12th to May 18th: 30 mg of Duloxetine

May 19th to May 25th: 20 mg of Duloxetine

May 26th: 20 mg every other day.

June 6th: 20 mg every 2 days.

June 18th: Last Dose

July 15th: Lexapro 5mg, July 30th: Lexapro 10mg, Aug. 12th: Lexapro 15mg, Sept 10th: Lexapro 10mg, Sept 22nd: 5mg, off by Sept 23/21

Sept 24th: 25mg Sertraline, Oct 9th: Last Dose

Ativan: Sept 2009 to present at 1mg.

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  • 2 months later...

Has Niacinamide helped anyone with rumination,

-1994 Paxil 20 mg -2010 Paxil 40 mg

-November 2020 Wellbutrin xl 150

- April 2021 begin Paxil taper. Drop 5 mg every two weeks per psych :(

-April 2021 Wellbutrin xl 300 perpsych 

-March 2021 start Primidone, increase @ 2 wks to 50 am/pm for ET -

July 2021 final Paxil, Terrible WD

-October 2021 30# lost, terrible depression/anxiety, almost to ER

-January 2022, begin Wellbutrin xl 300 taper to 150 for 2 wks. Then 75 IR 2x/day for 2 wks, then 75 IR am/ 37.5 pm for 2, 18.75 Wellbutrin per psych

-February 3, started Effexor 37.5 stopped February 11, bed 3 days, hot throat

 

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
On 9/5/2018 at 11:34 AM, papaloapan said:

Hi. I also have this problem of intrusive and repetitive thoughts. It is logical for all of us to have this horrible adverse effect and withdrawal effect because one psychiatrist told me that psychiatric drugs affect our thinking, and if these psychiatric drugs are crap, of course they damage our brain and therefore we end up having these horrible intrusive and repetitive thoughts. It has been terrible for me because they don't let me do my mindfulness meditation in which I try to be aware and to observe the thoughts that emerge in my mind rather than getting lost in them unawerely. I was able to do it but just yesterday that I did a reduction of tramadol, I was not able to observe my thoughts, they were just impossible to control. It was so frustrating. They also won't let me focus.


I’m currently going through the same issue. Meditation worked wonderfully for me before I took this pill & had an adverse reaction. However now that intrusive thoughts are one of my symptoms, I cannot meditate at all it actually causes me more anxiety. Did your intrusive thoughts go away??

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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On 9/15/2021 at 12:14 PM, Rusty1 said:

It sure is crazy how being in withdrawal creates anxiety, stress, fear, ruminating thoughts, and a litany of other things. 

 

They arent real, but rather a symptom of our unstable CNS. Once I got out of my wave and in a big window, even more so after my jump to 0, it is amazing how all that mostly disappeared. I didnt do anything different, in fact because I wasnt experiencing those symptoms as intensely I became lazier and less proactive to do CBT therapy, relaxation techniques etc, yet still felt better than when I was doing all that stuff.

 

It had nothing to do with anything except my CNS became more stable. Even though I knew that while I was going through the intense emotions it did nothing to dissuade them. Absolutely crazy how affected we are by withdrawal!

 

The good news is our CNS slowly heals and these symptoms get better over time.


I am going through the same intrusive memories & intrusive thoughts. Any advice?

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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8 hours ago, peaceandlove said:


I am going through the same intrusive memories & intrusive thoughts. Any advice?

Hey Peaceandlove,

 

They slowly get fewer and further between. Unfortunately, you just have to go through it. As the person said who you responded to, your CNS is a state of agitation. They call it hyper-excitably but that makes it sound less than what it is imo. One thing you should not do is try and force them out. That essentially triggers your CNS to latch onto them as a viable threat. 
 

This forum has a section for supplements people take I believe. I didn’t find anything that helped, but that’s not to say they don’t work. I certainly didn’t try all of them. 
 

People on here have varying responses on what to and not to do. What worked best for me was exposure. Getting used to and bored of the thoughts. It’s not an easy place to get to, but it starts to take the edge off. 
 

Best Regards

Sep 2009 - Oct 2015: 100 mg of Sertraline

Oct 2015 - May 2017: 50 mg of Sertraline

May 2017 - May 2021: 60 mg of Duloxetine

May 12th to May 18th: 30 mg of Duloxetine

May 19th to May 25th: 20 mg of Duloxetine

May 26th: 20 mg every other day.

June 6th: 20 mg every 2 days.

June 18th: Last Dose

July 15th: Lexapro 5mg, July 30th: Lexapro 10mg, Aug. 12th: Lexapro 15mg, Sept 10th: Lexapro 10mg, Sept 22nd: 5mg, off by Sept 23/21

Sept 24th: 25mg Sertraline, Oct 9th: Last Dose

Ativan: Sept 2009 to present at 1mg.

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Does anyone else have an entirely new way of thinking since withdrawal? My brain is constantly thinking negative, angry or depressing thoughts and I think of/fixate on weird things that I never would have before. It is scary sometimes. 

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On 6/4/2022 at 2:32 AM, Sharkmouth said:

Hey Peaceandlove,

 

They slowly get fewer and further between. Unfortunately, you just have to go through it. As the person said who you responded to, your CNS is a state of agitation. They call it hyper-excitably but that makes it sound less than what it is imo. One thing you should not do is try and force them out. That essentially triggers your CNS to latch onto them as a viable threat. 
 

This forum has a section for supplements people take I believe. I didn’t find anything that helped, but that’s not to say they don’t work. I certainly didn’t try all of them. 
 

People on here have varying responses on what to and not to do. What worked best for me was exposure. Getting used to and bored of the thoughts. It’s not an easy place to get to, but it starts to take the edge off. 
 

Best Regards


thank you so much for the advice 

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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3 hours ago, Eastcoastgirl said:

Does anyone else have an entirely new way of thinking since withdrawal? My brain is constantly thinking negative, angry or depressing thoughts and I think of/fixate on weird things that I never would have before. It is scary sometimes. 


yes the intrusive thoughts/memories  are never positive. It’s like my mind is obsessed with bad, scary, negative things all of a sudden

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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I've been struggling a lot with this kind of thing too lately. Seems to have kicked into high gear for me over the past week or so, but was also something I experienced occasionally in early withdrawal. Its been helpful to recognize my intrusive thoughts as a kind of neuro-OCD, and reading about some of the more obscure types of OCD has helped me. For instance, I recently learned about some different types of OCD, and they certainly seem to fit the bill for my experience, and also the experience of a lot of other people on this forum based on what I've read.

 

Real Event OCD- In real event OCD, you experience obsessional anxiety and guilt about a real event that occurred in the past that you regretted. Sounds a lot like @Rhiannon's dystalgia to me.

 

Harm OCD- This type of OCD involves intrusive thoughts about harming others or oneself. 

 

Relationship OCD- Relationship OCD sufferers will obsess endlessly about whether their partner is right for them, whether they really love their partner, focus obsessively on their partners flaws, or obsess about whether their partner really loves them.

 

Scrupulosity OCD: This type of OCD manifests as an obsession concern with acting morally proper, and is sometimes associated with religiosity such as obsessing about being sinful and compulsive prayer.

 

Existential OCD: I went through a period back in January where for about a week I would be struck by obsessions about my death and a horrible fear of death. It led me to read Irvin Yalom's Staring at the Sun, a wonderful book on death anxiety. I partly chock this up to my intense interest in Existential Psychotherapy, which preceded withdrawal, but I see others have listed existential intrusive thoughts so I figured it was worth bringing this one up too. Existential OCD manifests as an obsessional preoccupation with death, meaninglessness and isolation etc. 

 

I know for me, when I get struck with intrusive thoughts, my compulsion is to ruminate about them, analyze them and question whether they're real or reflect something real about me. Some of my thoughts have been extremely strange and have left me feeling really uneasy for hours or days. It was helpful to learn that things like ruminating, checking, confessing and researching are all compulsive behaviors that may provide temporary relief but ultimately make OCD worse. Anything you do that assumes that the thoughts that you're having pose a real danger only serves to reinforce the anxiety. 

 

The best thing we can do is disidentify from it all. Obstinately refusing to believe these thoughts are real, and reminding yourself that these thoughts are neuro-OCD, and nothing more, can be helpful to cope until the underlying neurology figures itself out. 

 

I think for many of us a certain intolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity underlies a lot of our more conventional, pre-medicine experiences of anxiety. Withdrawal unfortunately takes this up to 11, and we're stuck with awful neuro-Intrusive Thoughts for hours, days or weeks on end. My sense is that while conventional treatment strategies can be helpful, such as thought stopping/substitution techniques and ERP, ultimately if its neuro-OCD, it will resolve on its own. That certainly seems to be my experience, as despite my best attempt to "treat" this new experience, it seems to just come and go as it pleases.

 

For what its worth, despite my optimistic post, I really hate this too and its been one of the most difficult aspects of withdrawal so far. Its complicated a lot of dimensions of my life and caused high levels of distress which make things very difficult. I cannot wait for it all to go away. 

1998- Fluoxetine

2012- One dose of Escitalopram causes suicidal ideation. Started Venlafaxine. Successfully discontinued using a Fluoxetine bridge.

December 2021- 4 days of 5-HTP. Had some severe dysphoric symptoms trying to discontinue. Started Fluoxetine 10mg. Provided with five 1mg doses of Ativan as well.

January 6th- Continued to take Fluoxetine 10mg. Experienced deepened depression and suicidal ideation.

January 9th- 5mg dose. Experiencing deepened depression and suicidal ideation.

January 10th- Quit Fluoxerine CT

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44 minutes ago, Scrountz said:

I've been struggling a lot with this kind of thing too lately. Seems to have kicked into high gear for me over the past week or so, but was also something I experienced occasionally in early withdrawal. Its been helpful to recognize my intrusive thoughts as a kind of neuro-OCD, and reading about some of the more obscure types of OCD has helped me. For instance, I recently learned about some different types of OCD, and they certainly seem to fit the bill for my experience, and also the experience of a lot of other people on this forum based on what I've read.

 

Real Event OCD- In real event OCD, you experience obsessional anxiety and guilt about a real event that occurred in the past that you regretted. Sounds a lot like @Rhiannon's dystalgia to me.

 

Harm OCD- This type of OCD involves intrusive thoughts about harming others or oneself. 

 

Relationship OCD- Relationship OCD sufferers will obsess endlessly about whether their partner is right for them, whether they really love their partner, focus obsessively on their partners flaws, or obsess about whether their partner really loves them.

 

Scrupulosity OCD: This type of OCD manifests as an obsession concern with acting morally proper, and is sometimes associated with religiosity such as obsessing about being sinful and compulsive prayer.

 

Existential OCD: I went through a period back in January where for about a week I would be struck by obsessions about my death and a horrible fear of death. It led me to read Irvin Yalom's Staring at the Sun, a wonderful book on death anxiety. I partly chock this up to my intense interest in Existential Psychotherapy, which preceded withdrawal, but I see others have listed existential intrusive thoughts so I figured it was worth bringing this one up too. Existential OCD manifests as an obsessional preoccupation with death, meaninglessness and isolation etc. 

 

I know for me, when I get struck with intrusive thoughts, my compulsion is to ruminate about them, analyze them and question whether they're real or reflect something real about me. Some of my thoughts have been extremely strange and have left me feeling really uneasy for hours or days. It was helpful to learn that things like ruminating, checking, confessing and researching are all compulsive behaviors that may provide temporary relief but ultimately make OCD worse. Anything you do that assumes that the thoughts that you're having pose a real danger only serves to reinforce the anxiety. 

 

The best thing we can do is disidentify from it all. Obstinately refusing to believe these thoughts are real, and reminding yourself that these thoughts are neuro-OCD, and nothing more, can be helpful to cope until the underlying neurology figures itself out. 

 

I think for many of us a certain intolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity underlies a lot of our more conventional, pre-medicine experiences of anxiety. Withdrawal unfortunately takes this up to 11, and we're stuck with awful neuro-Intrusive Thoughts for hours, days or weeks on end. My sense is that while conventional treatment strategies can be helpful, such as thought stopping/substitution techniques and ERP, ultimately if its neuro-OCD, it will resolve on its own. That certainly seems to be my experience, as despite my best attempt to "treat" this new experience, it seems to just come and go as it pleases.

 

For what its worth, despite my optimistic post, I really hate this too and its been one of the most difficult aspects of withdrawal so far. Its complicated a lot of dimensions of my life and caused high levels of distress which make things very difficult. I cannot wait for it all to go away. 


I appreciate this post thank you. I can’t wait for this to go away either, you’re not alone. I have some questions tho can you explain what ERP is and where can I learn to use this?? Also I saw you said eating sausage was a bad choice on your other post and I was wondering why?

 

also congratulations on graduating especially while dealing with all of this. Very impressive!! I’m almost done with school. I wanna go back so bad but my symptoms are soo intense right now. Im only a month in

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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43 minutes ago, peaceandlove said:


I appreciate this post thank you. I can’t wait for this to go away either, you’re not alone. I have some questions tho can you explain what ERP is and where can I learn to use this?? Also I saw you said eating sausage was a bad choice on your other post and I was wondering why?

 

also congratulations on graduating especially while dealing with all of this. Very impressive!! I’m almost done with school. I wanna go back so bad but my symptoms are soo intense right now. Im only a month in

 

ERP stands for Exposure Response Prevention. It's a kind of treatment for OCD where you expose yourself to something that would trigger your anxiety, but refrain from engaging in any compulsions that traditionally alleviate that anxiety. I think for many of us that's happening anyway, as a lot of us are just doing our best going through our lives and trying to live normally while dealing with strange and distressing thinking patterns.

 

ERP for a lot of us could involve just refraining from ruminating, researching, reassurance seeking etc. These things are really hard to give up but they do only reinforce the anxiety, which has no basis in reality.

 

Thanks for the kind words about my recent graduation. I feel like it's a miracle that I made it through, but I did.

 

The sausage thing was probably related to Histamine. Seems like a lot of us I've become more sensitive to that. Haven't touched it since and haven't had an experience like that since.

1998- Fluoxetine

2012- One dose of Escitalopram causes suicidal ideation. Started Venlafaxine. Successfully discontinued using a Fluoxetine bridge.

December 2021- 4 days of 5-HTP. Had some severe dysphoric symptoms trying to discontinue. Started Fluoxetine 10mg. Provided with five 1mg doses of Ativan as well.

January 6th- Continued to take Fluoxetine 10mg. Experienced deepened depression and suicidal ideation.

January 9th- 5mg dose. Experiencing deepened depression and suicidal ideation.

January 10th- Quit Fluoxerine CT

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1 hour ago, Scrountz said:

I've been struggling a lot with this kind of thing too lately. Seems to have kicked into high gear for me over the past week or so, but was also something I experienced occasionally in early withdrawal. Its been helpful to recognize my intrusive thoughts as a kind of neuro-OCD, and reading about some of the more obscure types of OCD has helped me. For instance, I recently learned about some different types of OCD, and they certainly seem to fit the bill for my experience, and also the experience of a lot of other people on this forum based on what I've read.

 

Real Event OCD- In real event OCD, you experience obsessional anxiety and guilt about a real event that occurred in the past that you regretted. Sounds a lot like @Rhiannon's dystalgia to me.

 

Harm OCD- This type of OCD involves intrusive thoughts about harming others or oneself. 

 

Relationship OCD- Relationship OCD sufferers will obsess endlessly about whether their partner is right for them, whether they really love their partner, focus obsessively on their partners flaws, or obsess about whether their partner really loves them.

 

Scrupulosity OCD: This type of OCD manifests as an obsession concern with acting morally proper, and is sometimes associated with religiosity such as obsessing about being sinful and compulsive prayer.

 

Existential OCD: I went through a period back in January where for about a week I would be struck by obsessions about my death and a horrible fear of death. It led me to read Irvin Yalom's Staring at the Sun, a wonderful book on death anxiety. I partly chock this up to my intense interest in Existential Psychotherapy, which preceded withdrawal, but I see others have listed existential intrusive thoughts so I figured it was worth bringing this one up too. Existential OCD manifests as an obsessional preoccupation with death, meaninglessness and isolation etc. 

 

I know for me, when I get struck with intrusive thoughts, my compulsion is to ruminate about them, analyze them and question whether they're real or reflect something real about me. Some of my thoughts have been extremely strange and have left me feeling really uneasy for hours or days. It was helpful to learn that things like ruminating, checking, confessing and researching are all compulsive behaviors that may provide temporary relief but ultimately make OCD worse. Anything you do that assumes that the thoughts that you're having pose a real danger only serves to reinforce the anxiety. 

 

The best thing we can do is disidentify from it all. Obstinately refusing to believe these thoughts are real, and reminding yourself that these thoughts are neuro-OCD, and nothing more, can be helpful to cope until the underlying neurology figures itself out. 

 

I think for many of us a certain intolerance for uncertainty and ambiguity underlies a lot of our more conventional, pre-medicine experiences of anxiety. Withdrawal unfortunately takes this up to 11, and we're stuck with awful neuro-Intrusive Thoughts for hours, days or weeks on end. My sense is that while conventional treatment strategies can be helpful, such as thought stopping/substitution techniques and ERP, ultimately if its neuro-OCD, it will resolve on its own. That certainly seems to be my experience, as despite my best attempt to "treat" this new experience, it seems to just come and go as it pleases.

 

For what its worth, despite my optimistic post, I really hate this too and its been one of the most difficult aspects of withdrawal so far. Its complicated a lot of dimensions of my life and caused high levels of distress which make things very difficult. I cannot wait for it all to go away. 

It is very much akin to OCD. For me In particular, it’s harm OCD. All the more terrifying initially cause I absolutely don’t want to harm myself. The issue is what I mentioned in the previous post. The CNS is in a state of hyper-excitability. For instance, after I had my first crash from withdrawing, I used the garbage disposal to wash something down the sink. I’ve used this and many other garbage disposals my whole life. However this time, I had this overwhelming feeling of “What if I just lost control and jammed my hand down there?”. I like to slice my apples, so first time after my crash I went to make an apple. “What if I just violently slashed my wrist for no reason?”.

 

I assure you you’re not alone. You can try everything on here that people say. At the end of the day, all you can do is hope their experiences are similar and do what you feel is best. My agitated CNS essentially needed to relearn fear extinction. Almost as if I were an adult infant. The more fear extinction the better. As the person in responding to mentioned, dis identifying works. Be careful with this though as, at least in my experience the last thing you want to do is force these feelings out. It’s give them more mental real estate. Understand what they are, they are not you. They’re rogue thoughts, and if anything, it’s just your amygdala trying to keep you safe. Unfortunately, that part of our brains doesn’t deal in reason. It has to be shown how things are. Learned practices. With that said, this will just help take the edge off. Throughout withdrawals, as people on here also mentioned, you’ll have your windows and waves. And in those waves it may come back. But the windows will get larger and eventually it fades. 
 

Hope this helps. 

 

Best Regards

Sep 2009 - Oct 2015: 100 mg of Sertraline

Oct 2015 - May 2017: 50 mg of Sertraline

May 2017 - May 2021: 60 mg of Duloxetine

May 12th to May 18th: 30 mg of Duloxetine

May 19th to May 25th: 20 mg of Duloxetine

May 26th: 20 mg every other day.

June 6th: 20 mg every 2 days.

June 18th: Last Dose

July 15th: Lexapro 5mg, July 30th: Lexapro 10mg, Aug. 12th: Lexapro 15mg, Sept 10th: Lexapro 10mg, Sept 22nd: 5mg, off by Sept 23/21

Sept 24th: 25mg Sertraline, Oct 9th: Last Dose

Ativan: Sept 2009 to present at 1mg.

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On 6/3/2022 at 7:51 PM, peaceandlove said:

I’m currently going through the same issue. Meditation worked wonderfully for me before I took this pill & had an adverse reaction. However now that intrusive thoughts are one of my symptoms, I cannot meditate at all it actually causes me more anxiety. Did your intrusive thoughts go away??

Not yet but they have not go away because I CT'd and reinstated many times. But as Alto and other moderators say, every adverse effect or withdrawal effect sooner or later they go away completely, it takes time. Take a look at this viedo, from 13:30 (minute 30 second 30) to 17:30, you'll hear a miracle story told by neuroscientist Caroline Leaf PhD about a girl that had holes in her brain because of a car accident and this girl healed completely. Being a much worse case than ours, this will inspire you to KNOW that your intrusive thoughts will go away

 

In 2008 I was 16 years old. 2008 - 2010 paxil, clonazepam & semisodium valproate. 2013 - 2017 many psych meds with cold switches and CT's prescribed by psychiatrists.

Nov/30/17 started quetiapine IR tablets 100mg 0-0-1. Dec/1/17 started pristiq 50mg tablets 1-0-0. Jan/14/18 started 1.5mg melatonin 0-0-1

Tramadol: 2 year well done (slow and gradual) taper: from Mar/12/18 to Feb/11/20 

Pristiq taper: Jun/15/20 Converted from pristiq 50mg to efexor xr 75mg for 57 days (felt good).  Aug/11/20 weaned to efexor 37.5mg and stayed there for 2 months with 26 days (felt good). Nov/6/20  CT 0mg of efexor xr (felt good). Total time in tapering pristiq 50mg by converting to efexor xr 75mg: 4 months with 22 days: Jun/15/20 to Nov/6/20. (felt good)

Efexor 0mg and quetiapine 100mg (Nov/6/20 to Dic/11/20) (felt good being without effexor and taking 100mg quetiapine)

Dic/11/20 quetiapine 75mg, so 75mg from Dic/11/20 to Jan/4/21  25 days. Jan/5/21 quetiapine 50mg (1 day in 50mg).

Jan/6/21 1st CT of quetiapine. Mar/1/21 CT melatonin. Felt terrible so Mar/25/21 reinstated 100mg quetiapine. 

100mg quetiapine 19 days (Mar/25/21 - Apr/13/21) Felt good while in quetiapine 100mg. 75mg quetiapine 55 days (Apr/14/21 - Jun/8/21) the 55th day (Jun/8/21)  felt hellish so CT'd quetiapine for a 2nd time on Jun/9/21. 

Jun/9/21 - Nov/16/21 1st days insomnia, anxiety, took cbd and felt very good many days (healed insomnia & anxiety), CT'd ginkgo which made me felt terrible so reinstated ginkgo. Started intolerable back pain (spasm) so tried other herbs along with cbd, then started derealization, panic, indecisiveness, nostalgia & others. Stopped taking cbd & herbs, reinstated quetiapine 75mg Nov/17/21, immediately after taking it, had severe heart palpitations, so Nov/18/21 back to cbd (no quetiapine). Nov/20/21 reinstated 75mg quetiapine (stopped cbd & herbs), severely couldn't breathe for 5 seconds after taking quetiapine 75mg so reduced to 50 mg on Nov/28/21 had new and worse and very severe adverse effects, got indecisive if CT or keep taking quetiapine because I was terrified of CT, but since the new severe adverse effects were very severe I CT, and because of indecisiveness and panic to CT, I reinstated again, then CT'd and reinstated many times, last time I was taking quetiapine it was 25mg and had severe TD, hellish anhedonia, suicidal, intrusive thoughts of imagining myself running into a wall and crashing into it and I was feeling the pain as if I was doing it in real life, involuntary thoughts of punching my face or head and shashing it against the wall and some times I did punch my face, and when I didn't, I also felt the pain just by imagining it, so definitive CT on Jul/15/22. 

Free from quetiapine and psych meds since Jul/15/22.

MY BEST ADVICE: FOLLOW SA'S GUIDELINES, DON'T CT BECAUSE IT IS HORRIFIC AND BE PATIENT TO WAIT A LONG TIME TO DO VERY SLOW AND GRADUAL TAPERS IN ORDER TO GET OFF OF YOUR MEDICATIONS, IT IS WORTH IT. THE ONLY MOMENTS WHERE IS RIGHT TO CT IS AFTER YOUR 1ST CT THAT YOU DID BECAUSE OF IGNORANCE OR IMPATIENCE, IF YOU REINSTATE AND FEEL SEVERE ADVERSE EFFECTS LIKE TD, ANHEDONIA, FEEL LIKE YOU ARE DROWNING, OR THE ONE'S I HAD, IT IS BEST TO CT IN MY EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE WHEN I REINSTATED I GOT MUCH WORSE THAN WHEN I WAS IN THE PREVIOUS CT. I'm not a doctor.

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18 minutes ago, papaloapan said:

Not yet but they have not go away because I CT'd and reinstated many times. But as Alto and other moderators say, every adverse effect or withdrawal effect sooner or later they go away completely, it takes time. Take a look at this viedo, from 13:30 (minute 30 second 30) to 17:30, you'll hear a miracle story told by neuroscientist Caroline Leaf PhD about a girl that had holes in her brain because of a car accident and this girl healed completely. Being a much worse case than ours, this will inspire you to KNOW that your intrusive thoughts will go away

 


Ok cool. Thank you so much for the video & for the encouragement!

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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