Asjf Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Thanks Pug. I will read some success stories. Feeling fairly centered today. I love that i can come to this site and read for a bit and always feel a little better no matter what's happening. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 My show went well last night. Thanks for the encouraging words everyone. That being said. After only 4 hours sleep two nights ago i had a gruelling day yesterday--5 hours driving and then a long band rehearsal and a 4 hour show. I got back to my hotel exhausted at 2am and went statight to bed. I'm guessing that i feel asleep around 3am. And then i woke at 5am. I laid in bed and drifted off and then woke at 6:30. Laid in bed again and drifted off again and woke again at 7:30. This is really distressing to me. I'm not allowing myself to freak out, but it's 8am now and i'm completely underrested. This is the third night for this. It's also a new development in my symptoms. Would this imply that my Lyrica is no longer working? Usually the night time dose of Lyrica completely knocks me out. How do you deal with insomnia? I'm terrified of insominia. I do not do well on lack of sleep at the best of times. What do i do here?? On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 8, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 8, 2015 I"m so glad the show went well. As for the sleep problem I'm betting it has more to do with preshow jitters and post show let down, long drives and long rehearsals than with the drugs. Once you get home and settled things should return to "normal". Being terrified of it only gives it power over you which makes it worse. AAF Acknowledge, Accept Float. Acknowledge, yes I am having insomnia and I don't like it. Accept that there is not much that you can do about it. Let it float off and end of its own accord as you get on with your life as best as you can. When's the next gig? The distraction will do you good. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Thanks brassmonkey. I like the AAF method you mention. I spend a lot of time with acknowledgement and acceptance these days, but the notion of floating is nee to me--and i like it. The next show is tonight. I'm realising that for most of my life i've had a very strong notion that if i dont get enough sleep my life will fall apart. I had some pretty serious anxiety related insomnia when i was 10 years old that really traumatized my for some reason. I think since then i have had a pretty big fear of insomnia--more as a concept than an experience. I think something that will help me here is to take away the huge implications of what insomnia means in my mind and just realize that if i don't sleep for a few nights its not the end of the world. It IS challenging though to go to bed calm and fall asleep only to wake up completely wired two hours later. Thats the physiological stuff at play which i can't control with my state of mind. But i have to trust that this part of it will pass as my brain rebalances itself. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 8, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 8, 2015 Break a leg tonight. Good attitude on the sleep front, but it will take some practice. One thing I learned long ago is that even if it is broken, sleep is sleep and that is all that matters. So a couple of hours then a wake up, then an hour, wake up then another hour. That's four hours if you don't panic about the wake ups. Not the best, but not bad, it will keep you functional until things improve. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Thanks for this. I'm sure this info will help the next time i wake at 3:30am On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Asjf, How are you doing? Glad the gig went well and I hope the next one also went well. Remember that you are not alone in this, we are all getting better and healing each day, even if it does not feel like it, and we can't believe it, it is happening ( I am working hard to keep this in mind as much as I possibly can too.) 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 10, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 10, 2015 AAF -- excellent suggestion, Brassmonkey, worthy of a topic in the Symptoms forum. Learning how to meditate during those waking periods may well send you back to sleep. See the topics on meditation in the Symptoms forum. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Asjf, How are you doing? Glad the gig went well and I hope the next one also went well. Remember that you are not alone in this, we are all getting better and healing each day, even if it does not feel like it, and we can't believe it, it is happening ( I am working hard to keep this in mind as much as I possibly can too.) Thanks Pug. Both shows went well. I'm discovering that there is a beauty in all this suffering that can come out very powerfully in the form of artistic expression. When i surrender to the pain and fear, something magical happens on stage. The insomnia seems to come and go this last week. Im finding that the combination of melatonin and magnesium seems to help at night. I also think that taking n-acetylcistene in the mornings is helping brighten my mood a bit. But the reality of it all is that these symptoms are so varied in both quality and intensity that it's really hard to tell what's what when it comes down to it. Thanks for checking in Pug. You're a kind and sweet soul and I'm grateful for your watchful eye--it really does give me some comfort. Also thanks for the reminder that it does get better over time. There are moments where knowing that feels like the difference between life and death for me. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 AAF -- excellent suggestion, Brassmonkey, worthy of a topic in the Symptoms forum. Learning how to meditate during those waking periods may well send you back to sleep. See the topics on meditation in the Symptoms forum. Thank you Alto. Meditation is becoming increasingly important to me. I've downloaded a couple of mindfulness apps from the apple app store into my phone. The one i really like is called Breath. It has a variety of guided meditations, some of which are geared toward sleep. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Does anyone have any thoughts/experience with n-acetylcysteine? On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Asjf, how are you doing? 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
ChanceLucky Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 A mere hour ago i felt safe and loved. I know exactly what this feels like and can tell you from experience that: Nothing has changed. You are still safe. You are still loved. Your body just got a huge shot of adrenaline or norepinephrine. That's it. Your body thinks something is wrong, but there isn't anything wrong except misfired stress hormones. Your body needs to metabolize it and that requires rest and a lot of compassion and love for yourself. I really like how you worded that! Good luck ASJF -I was on an SSRI (most recently Celexa at 40mg/day) for about 15 years for anxiety. I tapered off over about 8 months and in 2015 and had worsened anxiety and well-being once off it. In the fall of 2015 (I believe) I did a low dose reinstatement and was doing better. I stayed on roughly 1 ml (2 mg) for a while but eventually lowered it to .5 ml and was on this for a long time. -Around late mid May (2017) my anxiety was worse and I increased the Celexa to 1.5 ml. At first, I felt significantly better but I developed a hand tremor. I also was having some attention and concentration difficulties. In mid July (over about 2 weeks) I tapered off of the Celexa and was off it for about 2 1/2 weeks before I started to feel an intense increase in anxiety and my hand tremor returned. -Aug 13, 2017 I did a low dose reinstatement of 0.5 ml a day and am currently still taking that. Initial response is good. -Early September 2017 to present - hand tremor returns and attention and concentration are impaired. Feeling of unbalance/unsteadiness from using treadmill. Mild changes to sexual performance too. -Sept 18, 2017: 0.4 ml Celexa. Everything is generally improving although hand tremor is worse. Attention, concentration, and anxiety are good. -I am also on Wellbutrin (200 mg/day) for anxiety and take a Benadryl at night for sleep and allergies. Eventually I'd like to be off everything. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9730-chancelucky-antidepressant-withdrawal-social-anxiety-pessimism/ Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Asjf, how are you doing? Doing pretty good. I've stabilized on Lyrica and feeling ok for the most part. Of course my worrisome brain is already looking ahead to weaning off the Lyrica--that's my next and final step to being free of these meds. But I've only been off of the ssri for 9 and a 1/2 months after 22 years of continous use so i know i need to take things slooooooow. How are you pug? Thanks for checking in:) On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 A mere hour ago i felt safe and loved. I know exactly what this feels like and can tell you from experience that: Nothing has changed. You are still safe. You are still loved. Your body just got a huge shot of adrenaline or norepinephrine. That's it. Your body thinks something is wrong, but there isn't anything wrong except misfired stress hormones. Your body needs to metabolize it and that requires rest and a lot of compassion and love for yourself. I really like how you worded that! Good luck ASJF Thanks Chance On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Asjf, I hope things are well with you and improving. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks Pug! I hope you are well too. My days have been up and down but overall seem to be getting better. Not sure if it's because of Alto's advice to just stabilize on the Lyrica or because things are actually getting better in my brain. I've been on 250mg of Lyrica for one month today so am dropping the dosage to 225mg starting tomorrow. It will be interesting to see if there is a reaction to the dosage reduction. How are you doing overall pug? On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Asjf, I am having a nasty wave I am dealing with, but it is intersperced with a window here and there, so I am working hard to see this as a sign of improvement and healing. How have you been of late? 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Hey Sorry about your wave. I'm having my own series of windows and waves. They do seem to be getting easier though as time goes by. I'm currently weaning off of Lyrica. I cheated a bit and went from 250mg a day (after 4 weeks) to 200mg a day --which is a 20% reduction. I can see why the recommedation is 10%. I felt really crappy on days 3-5--anxiety and irritability (sometimes severe). Sep. is going to be a really crazy month. My wife and I are moving (the current place we are in needs a lot of work and our landlord is a deadbeat--although a nice guy). I'm also starting my Masters degree in composition as well as starting back to teaching at a local college (as well as still performing). I feel a lot of fear around these things at times. I try to stay in the present moment and just do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, but if i let my mind get carried away i feel so overwhelmed by it all that i feel like i'm going to collapse into the fetal position and go catatonic with anxiety. This is the most challenging period i have evr experienced in my life. But i know that on the other side of this is a life full of vibrant colors and a fully alive experience of life. Thanks for your companionship through all of this. I feel bound to you because our stories are so similar. I saw a short documentary recently about a book called The Mind That Heals Itself and it talks about the remarkable neuroplacticity of the human brain and how adaptable our brains are. We WILL get through all this and what we'll have in the end is an amazing ability to deal with and transform suffering in a way that will make us truly free to move through life. It will be a freedom that others who haven't been through our unique set of circumstances will be in awe of. Let's stay strong together and keep our eye on the prize for which we are fighting. Cheers and talkto you soon Pug. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 How's it going, Asjf? You're starting your Lyrica taper, I see. Good for you. You're going to be fine. Slow and steady, my friend. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Here is a collection of success stories to read. It will keep you going during the tough times. https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/wp-content/uploads/Benzo-success-stories-rev-2.pdf January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks for these. I need them today. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Ive had what seems like a couple of weeks of a relatively stable condition. Ups and downs but manageable. Yet today i woke up with intense anxiety and for the first time in recovery it's lasted all day without a single break. Since i woke up my heart has been fluttery and my stomach has been gravelly and i've felt really insecure the whole day. I've still done everything i've needed to do and honoured my comittments but it's been very uncomfortable. We really do have to relinquish expectations in this unique kind of recovery. I was almost certain after these last couple of weeks that i had reached a new 'baseline' in my recovery and yet today has proven that sometimes it's 2 steps forward, 10 steps back. I'm resisting the urge to get very angry about this and reminding myself that this is always an opportunity to grow stronger, wiser and more compassionate. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Another 10 steps back today. I'm pretty mich bed ridden. My anxiety is so severe i can barely function. It's very discouraging when things finally start to get better and then it is all seemingly torn away from you and you are back to where you started. There is no peace in this state. Only uncertainty and possibly the acceptance of this uncertainty. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Asjf, I am very sorry to hear about your struggle these past few days. I just discovered a great site that may offer some comfort and ideas for coping: http://www.recovery-road.org/ I hope this passes very quickly for you; and remember that your friends here are walking with you in this recovery to health and happiness. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thanks Pug. You've been a great friend since i joined this site. I'm gonna look at that site right now... On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
NervousKitten Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Sorry to hear about your wave Asjf... it's always disappointing. What are some of the things you are doing to make yourself comfortable? The one thing I can count on to make me feel better are epsom salt baths... it's so helpful in both relaxing muscles and the magnesium is calming. On those days I couldn't just make my mind shut up, I'd use bath time for meditation or breathing exercises. 1999 Prozac with occasional Xanax 2002 Effexor Xr with occasional Valium 2010 Off Effexor (slow taper) 2010 Prozac rx to help with Effexor withdrawal. Activating, so stopped. 2011 Zoloft rx 2013 Zoloft stops working after a few increases, decide to stop taking it 2013 October last Zoloft dose after a 6-9 month taper 2014 January, April, May, June ER inducing anxiety attacks 2014 June Ativan prescribed as needed. Last taken Nov 2014, but still have pills just in case Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thanks Kitten Magnesium is about the only thing i've been able to count on working. I do take Epsom salt baths too. The best thing i can do on days like this is to lower my stress levels by having as few commitments as possible and just treating it like a sick day. I'm having some moments of pretty intense worry and anxiety contemplating the month of September. I'm starting back to my college teaching job (which is only 10hrs/week) as well as starting my Masters degree (which will add a lot of work to my schedule) and now my wife and i have to move on Oct. 1. A month like this would be stressful at the best of times. On a day like today, contemplating all of that in September is so overwhelming i want to run off into the woods and hide there forever. This withdrawal is so unpreictable and varied in its symptoms and intensity it's almost hard at times not to think that it's some sort of evil force with insidious intentions. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. I really had no idea anything like this existed in the human condition until i actually experienced it. I'm very grateful to have found this site. Before i found this site nobody (doctors, p-docs, naturopaths) knew what was going on with me. For all i knew, i was reexperiencing my old syptoms in a new way and thought i would either live out my life like that or have to find another medication to live out my life on. This site gives me the strength and hope to be who i want to be:ME WITHOUT MEDS On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Asjf, I am hoping that some relief has come or is near for you. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thanks pug. Feeling sick today with either a cold or low grade flu. But at least my head is a little more calm today. How are you doing today? On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 Woke up today feeling so weak i can barely walk. My head is foggy and i can barely think. It feels like both my mind and body are broken. The part of me that is barely conscious is feeling rage, resentment and self pity. How long will this nightmare go on? i foolishly believed that i would be getting better after 9 months. No. Not better. Just a new set of symptoms. I know that acceptance is key in this healing process. But after day after day after day of continued and varied torture and torment i just want to scream! I took a stand for myself and my life by deciding to go ahead and start my Masters degree in a couple of weeks in the face of this adversity. I'm really starting to fear that i'm making a terrible mistake. Hoping tomorrow will bring more clarity and a renewed sense of purpose. Right now i just want to lay in bed. Even the thought of feeding myself is overwhelming. The thought of writing a 10,000 word essay makes me feel like dying. I'm grateful to have a wife who loves me unconditionally. That is priceless through this. I'm also grateful to have a body that works (although today even that is questionable) I'm grateful for this website and the realization that others are able to move through this condition. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 30, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 30, 2015 How have your symptoms changed? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 Severe bodily fatigue. Mind fog. Extreme irritability and depression and dissociation. I'm also sleeping 8-9hrs instead of 5-6. In the past it was primarily anxiety and gastrointestinal symptoms. I think these sypmtoms might be more associated with Lyrica withdrawal than the long term SSRI symptoms. I'm hoping that the Lyrica withdrawal will be more temporary as i've only been on it for 4 months. That being said, with the 10% taper method it looks like i'll be tapering for well over a year--which is frustrating as i just want to be done with all these damned meds. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
pug Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Asjf, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling, it can seem so overwhelming and all consuming. There are so many who report that things start improving when they are nearing the one year mark, and that is what I keep focusing on. I am also at month 9 and that one year mark is getting closer every day. I hope you have some healing and relief soon. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted August 31, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 31, 2015 I saw a beautiful sunlit foggy scene on my drive to work this morning. So tell me something good that happened to you today. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Asjf Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Thanks pug:) And thanks brassmonkey. I sat in the park today for two hours with my best friend and we talked about everything under the sun. For those two hours all my problems melted away and i was very present to the most important thing in my world: the happiness and wellbeing of those i love. On Zoloft 150mg-200mg from 1991-Nov. 2014. Weaned off over 40+ weeks (too fast unbeknownst to me at the time) Protracted withdrawal began in Jan. 2015 Currently weaning off Lyrica (pregabalin). Started Apr. 2015. titrated up to 400mg/day. <p>"The quality of your life is determined by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with" -- Anthony Robbins Link to comment
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