ExLexa: My horrible Lexapro journey

[ExLexa]

Hi, I reluctantly started Lexapro in August 2014 after I developed a head tremor which was put down to anxiety. Within a week of starting the Lexapro 10mg, the head tremor disappeared. This was a huge relief to me. I felt good for the next 3 months.

 

However, in November 2014 after 3 months of taking the lexapro I was overwhelmed with horrible side effects including dizziness, nausea, tingling up my spine, chills and fever, rapid heart rate, awful fogginess, vice-like headaches, shakiness and terrible uneasiness. It got so bad that I went to the emergency department on 3 separate occasions in December 2014 (including Christmas day) with these symptoms thinking that I may die (worried I had serotonin syndrome) and also visited my GP on multiple occasions. The ED could not find anything wrong with me nor could my GP. I expressed my concerns that it could be the lexapro but this was shrugged off by my GP since I was feeling good for the initial 3 months on the drug.

 

I decided to withdraw in Feb 2015 as the side effects were intolerable and ruining my life. It took me 4 months to taper down. My withdrawal symptoms were exactly the same as the side effects initially felt in November 2014, however, were lessening in intensity as I reduced my dose. I am now 2 months off Lexapro and am still getting horrible waves of the same symptoms.

 

I get some windows of feeling ok in between (a day here and there), but overall I am still feeling pretty awful. I hope this is all due to the lexapro? My symptoms sound very similar to many others on this forum so I find this forum really comforting.. Everytime another wave hits, I get really anxious that there is something else wrong with me. I Just want to feel like myself again. Oh and my head tremor returns everytime I go through a wave.

 

Can anyone out there relate to my experience?

Thanks

Edited May 29, 2017 by scallywag
tags; previous edit added paragraphs

[Fresh]

Hi ExLexa , welcome to the site - love your name.   Probably most members on this site can relate to your experience , because we've all had symptoms of withdrawal from antidepressants/ssri's.

 

Although you only took Lexapro for 6 months , what you've been experiencing is all due to "discontinuation syndrome".

Have you  read the "Windows and Waves" pattern of withdrawal yet?    You may have symptoms for some months to come , and the symptoms and sensations will change in form and intensity at times.

 

Do you need to be hooked up with a psychiatrist and/or GP who understand this process and will support you in your taper?

 

Glad you found your way here.

 

Fresh

[ExLexa]

Hi Fresh,

 

Thankyou so much for responding! Yes, i've read the windows and waves section and am finding this site really useful. I know that this must be the withdrawal, but it is just so hard to stay rational during a wave. I suffer badly from "health anxiety" and every time I go through a wave, I start to think I have a brain tumour or MS or leaking Cerebrospinal fluid etc. etc. and it makes me even more anxious. I have been reading these forums for months and have finally become a member and posted today. The hardest part is feeling really really scared and alone when a bad wave hits. Quite often I am at work when it hits and I really struggle to get through the day barely functioning and trying to pretend that nothing is wrong. How does everyone else cope with being at work during withdrawal?

 

Yes! I would love to find a doctor in Sydney who understands this process. Any leads you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

 

I hope your taper is going to plan

 

ExLexa 

[Fresh]

Hey , we're neighbours!   Are you anywhere near Coogee?

 

As you read more , hopefully you'll get some ideas for strategies to help you get through this.  

If things get really bad you may want to consider taking some time off work.  You'll need to see how you go week to week.

 

Dr Yolande Lucire can see you - she's in Edgecliff.  Wonderful lady.

You might want to look at her page here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6383-dr-yolande-lucire-adverse-reactions-to-psychiatric-drugs/

Say you're from this site , and she can bulk-bill you.

[ExLexa]

I am in Glebe so not far from the Eastern suburbs.

 

Regarding work, I've already exhausted all of my sick leave as I've been sick since November last year so I can't take any more time off. I am taking it as it comes. Sometimes I have to leave work in the arvo when it gets too much. I don't know if I can take too much more of this, so hopefully it doesn't get worse!?

 

Thanks so much for the Dr contact info, Edgecliff is close. I'll get in contact with her.

[ang]

Hello ExLexa.............and Welcome!

 

If you can continue to work, is good........ if you find it too difficult, take some sick leave........ 

 

If they are a nice place, just let them know sometimes you are not very well, but the doc says you will be fine, and over it in a few months............ dont have to be specific, I have learnt now to say that, and people can easily relate to someone not feeling well......................              

 

Hope that helps?  But just really wanted to say welcome..............

[brassmonkey]

Hi ExLexa-- Welcome to the group.  Sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time of it.  I will have to say though that it is the drugs that are doing this to you.  Unfortunately 6 months is plenty long to them to get their claws into you and cause trouble when you try to stop.  Although with a 4 month taper you had your heart in the right place it was way too fast.  These drugs are very powerful and very temperamental.  I see you've read the Windows and Waves thread, that will give you some idea of what's going on.

 

Something you might try if the symptoms are too bad is to take a very small amount of the lex, say 1 or 2 mg.  Frequently this will placate the brain and the symptoms will decrease and give you a bit of relief.  Two other thread you should read would be;

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

And thank you for filling out your signature it really helps us a lot.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, ExLexa.

 

It sounds like you had an adverse reaction to the Lexapro after 3 months, so I would not recommend trying a very small dose to see if it lessens your symptoms.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

[ExLexa]

Hello ExLexa.............and Welcome!

 

If you can continue to work, is good........ if you find it too difficult, take some sick leave........ 

 

If they are a nice place, just let them know sometimes you are not very well, but the doc says you will be fine, and over it in a few months............ dont have to be specific, I have learnt now to say that, and people can easily relate to someone not feeling well......................              

 

Hope that helps?  But just really wanted to say welcome..............

Thanks for the welcome ang,

 

I've run out of sick leave so i'm afraid i have to tough it out as much as possible. I leave early when I can and i am fortunate as my boss is extremely understanding. My main problem with work is trying to act "normal" while inside my head is spinning and I get adrenaline surges. It seems to get much worse when I am in a stressful meeting or in a confrontational situation. I sometimes think that this is hindering my ability to heal? 

[ExLexa]

Welcome, ExLexa.

 

It sounds like you had an adverse reaction to the Lexapro after 3 months, so I would not recommend trying a very small dose to see if it lessens your symptoms.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Hi Altostrata and brassmonkey,

 

I agree with you Alto that a reinstatement would be a bad idea in this instance. I believe I am a very poor metaboliser of Lexapro and what i experienced, when on my full dose, was serotonin toxicity or similar. This also made it terribly difficult to taper since I had no benchmark to "stabilise". So I tried my best to cut down my dose gradually. Perhaps it was too fast? But I am unable to change that now.

 

Thanks for the links, I have been taking Fish Oil tablets but may increase my dose after reading. I also have been having epsom salt baths which really relax me, in fact, I have just ordered a 20kg bag.

 

The last couple of days have brought horrible head pressure and strange feelings in my eyes (very heavy) and I feel a bit dizzy when moving my head and my eyes. I have been in a wave for the last week and am hoping for some relief soon.

 

Thankyou for your support, it is helping a lot!

[ang]

Hi ExLexa       I think you are doing all that you possibly can do, and I would like the think that the fact you never stabilized on the drug, means your body and brain was always fighting it's influence........   If that is the case, your brain has been trying to rebalance itself all along.  So lets take that as a good sign.............

 

Try and keep working, but if it becomes just a torture, perhaps you could take leave without pay..........  ?   

 

Have you tried magnesium?  I found that in the worst of it, magnesium tablets just took that horrific edge off, it seemed to work in about 20 minutes....   

 

And you cant overdose on magnesium, it just gives you "the runs"...............  

 

I hope the weekend is giving you time to recuperate for the week to come.

 

Amazing how they put every illness known to man down to anxiety?   And the drugs they give, just mask the symptoms, never offer a cure.....and after a while, the drugs make you sicker, and still havent fixed the initial problem.......did they ever try and find out what caused your initial problem?  

 

My daughter was told she had depression, as she had constant horrific headaches,   I knew she wasn't depressed, refused to medicate her, then the doc did a cxt scan and after a trip to the ENT for an operation,was told by the ENT doc she had the most severely blocked sinuses,  he had ever seen.  One op, no more headaches............if she had gone the medicated route?  she would be a mess like me, and still have the chronic blocked sinuses............. now she is a very happy mother of five, very fit, very healthy, very happy.

[ExLexa]

Hi Ang,

 

Yes, i've always been hypersensitive to drugs and foods etc. so its not a surprise that my body reacted to the Lexapro. Thanks for your positive words, i hope you are right and my brain has been working for a while now to re-balance? only time will tell I suppose...

 

If things get really awful at work I'll have to take some leave without pay, a last resort though since I can't really afford not to get paid at the moment. 

 

So glad to hear about your daughter, I still am no closer to working out what the head tremor is - the neurologist said it was "essential tremor" and suggested that i'd have it for the rest of my life. I feel that it may be something to do with tight neck muscles and poor spinal posture (along with anxiety). The head tremor makes me feel really weird and it makes me self conscious too. It's worse during waves and is brought on by anxiety. I'm going to keep on searching for a "cure", whatever that is?!

[brassmonkey]

"And you cant overdose on magnesium, it just gives you "the runs"............... "

 

This is only partially true, Yes too much Mg will give you nasty pants, and an OD is not fatal, unless you **** yourself to death.  However, taking too much Mg can cause a paradoxical reaction and instead of calming, can cause extreme anxiety and panic that takes weeks to resolve.  We have several members who have experienced this from over indulging in Epsom Salt baths.  As with any supplement we recommend a cautious  approach and only taking the minimum amount needed for the desired effect.

[Altostrata]

ExLexa, make sure you are signed up for disability insurance at work if your employment offers it, just in case.

 

You'd be surprised, people at work probably don't expect as much from you as you expect of yourself. Just figure you're passing as normal-ish and don't worry about it, that's adding to your symptoms.

[ExLexa]

Hi Brassmonkey and Alto

 

Good to know about the Epsom salt bath and overindulgence, I'm planning on a couple a week so should be fine.

 

I'll make sure I look into disability insurance, thanks for the tip. I wish I could care less at work. It's one of by biggest issues.

 

Another symptom has appeared overnight which has happened a couple of times during withdrawal, I wake up with a sense of panic and dizziness at stages throughout the night. I fall back to sleep, but it's really unpleasant. Are these adrenaline surges?

 

Thanks

[ExLexa]

Also, I wanted to mention that the night time panic comes when I'm going to sleep and all through the night. It is not an early morning thing so I don't think its related to light or circadian rhythms. How do I get my nervous system to stop over firing like this?

[Altostrata]

You are correct, it is overfiring. Have you tried the fish oil and magnesium?

 

Also see Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

[ExLexa]

Yes, I've now upped my dose of fish oil and am experimenting with the magnesium. My sleep has improved, no panic waking for the last 2 nights. I almost felt back to normal for a few hours yesterday

 

In an attempt to calm my nervous system further, I cut out my morning coffee this morning. Big mistake! I struggled with shocking agitation, head pressure, fogginess and a massive headache ..... So I decided to have a coffee at lunchtime. It helped a little. I suppose I am going to have to taper down my caffeine?? Any advice?

 

In general, I am feeling a little down about having to go to work at the moment. I just don't feel physically or mentally well enough to handle the stress each day and I feel like it is hindering my recovery and delaying my healing. I think it may even be making the WD symptoms worse! I feel stuck though, I can't quit and finding a new job at the moment seems like an impossible task. Does anyone else feel this way about work?

[Altostrata]

Yes, you need to taper caffeine.

[ExLexa]

An update - I've been feeling kinda alright since I last posted. I started on magnesium which I think has really helped. I've had a couple of mini-waves that last between a few hours to a day. I am experiencing periods of normality again (even during an insanely stressful time at work at the moment).

 

However, I am In the grips of a wave now and I'm straight back to feelings of despair and total hopelessness. I have the familiar weird head feeling which I can only describe as dizzy/tingling/floating/spinning along with rapid heart rate, increased BP, nervousness, feeling edgy, heavy pressure in head and eyes..... It seems to come on quickly, I hope it's not here for long.

 

Does anyone know the biological mechanism for these effects during post-drug withdrawal?

[Marta]

HI ExLexa! I can 100% relate to what are you feeling....that's Escitalopram!

Bad waves will be a little bit shorter and lighter every time! And also, when they come, with the familiar hoplessness, desperation, fast heartbeat, and so on....I assure you, you will bear it a little bit better every time.

 

For the biological mechanism unfortunately I'm not expert at all in brain science....I think once you have deeply modify something in your neurontransmitters with the drug, it takes tame to return in the previous state, like a broken bone...

btw there are a lot of interesting articles in the scientific paper section.

 

M.

[ExLexa]

Thanks very much for the reassurance Marta. I know it will pass, I just need to give it time. I will check out the scientific paper section, good tip.

 

I was wondering what you are taking a phosphate supplement for? Does that help WD?

 

Take care

[ExLexa]

Still struggling with waves, really down about it. Exhausted and fed up. Starting to wonder if my brain is permanently damaged or if there's something else wrong with me. Feeling defeated and deflated.

[Marta]

Hi ExLexa!
I've taken it just because (unfortunatly) I have to study....you can imagine how hard it is to focus of things thanks to cipralex 
It is said to improve a little bit nerve conduction and brain function.....I don't think supplements are effective, but 

since it is quite cheap I tried....

I don't know if it really helped me I feel basically the same, but maybe a small percentage of placebo effect will work.

 

Next month I'll start to taper again....I am prepared for the worst nightmare....

 

Love to you all!!! Stay strong!

[brassmonkey]

Hi Marta--  I'm so glad you're feeling well enough to start your taper soon.  I find it interesting that you mention placebo effect and in the next sentence say that you are preparing for the worst when you start tapering.  The two are sooo interconnected.  Even though your last try was "unbearable" doesn't mean that the next one will be.  There were reasons you had trouble last time, and they can be easily avoided this round.  Starting from a stable base, tapering slowly, and having a positive attitude are three of the biggest keys for success with a taper.  Instead of psyching yourself out, work on psyching yourself up it will really pay off as you taper.

 

Cheering you on!!!!!!

 

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[Petunia]

Still struggling with waves, really down about it. Exhausted and fed up. Starting to wonder if my brain is permanently damaged or if there's something else wrong with me. Feeling defeated and deflated.

 

I'm sorry you are still not feeling well ExLexa. Thinking that your brain is permanently damaged is just going to cause more anxiety, it can take quite a long time to recover from an adverse reaction, and the process and symptoms are similar to recovering from withdrawal syndrome.

 

The good news is that you are off the drug and your brain is recovering, its just going to take a little more time.

[clearday]

However, I am In the grips of a wave now and I'm straight back to feelings of despair and total hopelessness. I have the familiar weird head feeling which I can only describe as dizzy/tingling/floating/spinning along with rapid heart rate, increased BP, nervousness, feeling edgy, heavy pressure in head and eyes..... It seems to come on quickly, I hope it's not here for long.

 

Does anyone know the biological mechanism for these effects during post-drug withdrawal?

 

Hi,

 

I have the same head symptoms as you do, with the added bonus of loud head noise/ear ringing.

 

Who knew Lexapro was such a beast? My doctor sure didn't.

 

I love that you asked about the biological mechanism that's causing these bizarre effects. I'm always pondering that question. 

 

I doubt if anyone could answer it satisfactorily.  They don't even know how these drugs help us in the first place. They know serotonin and serotonin receptors have something to do with it, but exactly how it actually helps, they don't really know. The drug makers just know that if they give these chemicals to a 100 people, maybe 60 of them experience reduced symptoms of depression or anxiety. So they declare it a success, and rake in the billions. And here we are - in hell. The doctors won't even acknowledge that withdrawal/healing may take longer than six weeks. So when I ask them why I still have withdrawal symptoms a year and a half after my last dose, I am greeted with blank stares. They don't have the slightest clue about what is going on with these drugs.

 

I was on Lexapro for five years with no adverse side effects. The head symptoms began during withdrawal, many months after my last dose. I've had the head symptoms for ten months now. I can tell you that the symptoms have morphed over that time, and come and go in waves and windows, as is to be expected during healing from the use of SSRIs.

 

The symptoms have changed and moved around my head. The tones and types of the noise, the waviness, the type of head pressure, the locations and severity, have changed over time, and have come and gone in waves. There has undoubtedly been much healing, yet undoubtedly there is much more healing to come. I just have no idea what to expect, due to the morphing of symptoms over time. With each wave, the head symptoms change somewhat, and are sometimes coupled with other symptoms such as chest tightness or brain fog.  I've had some fantastic multi-day windows lately! But the waves still come. along with the despair and defeated feeling you speak of. But those windows keep coming, and I have had my best windows so far during the past month. Clearly, I am there, intact, under my symptoms.

 

It does seem that the brain spends time during waves healing some particular damaged neural network. It then takes a break during windows, reassesses what needs to be fixed next, and launches a new wave. So over time the symptoms move around and change as healing is occurring. 

 

This video has helped to give me perspective on what might be happening during my recovery from the nerve damage caused by the use of Lexapro.

 

The graphics are a little funky, but the message is very helpful. You were on this drug for only six months, so you have an excellent chance for full recovery, but it will take time and a lot of patience. Remember, those who have recovered often say they never thought they would recover - they thought they were doomed; but they were not. They got better. 

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB0QtwIwAGoVChMIg6uvqvWQyAIVQVc-Ch2BmgR-&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DKQtO6HXJfjw&usg=AFQjCNGUDAngAVrcezJx09QD5dk3tbO-8g

 

 

[LexAnger]

TrueType love this post from you, Clearday! So well written and makes perfect sense! It' shows how intelligent your brain still is even with the damage from these drug. Admiring!

[clearday]

An update - I've been feeling kinda alright since I last posted. I started on magnesium which I think has really helped. I've had a couple of mini-waves that last between a few hours to a day. I am experiencing periods of normality again (even during an insanely stressful time at work at the moment).

 

However, I am In the grips of a wave now and I'm straight back to feelings of despair and total hopelessness. I have the familiar weird head feeling which I can only describe as dizzy/tingling/floating/spinning along with rapid heart rate, increased BP, nervousness, feeling edgy, heavy pressure in head and eyes..... It seems to come on quickly, I hope it's not here for long.

 

Does anyone know the biological mechanism for these effects during post-drug withdrawal?

 

FYI, we were discussing whether some of the brain sensations/tinnitus could be due to tension in muscles in and around the head due to SSRI withdrawal.

 

The inner ear is responsible for dizziness/balance, so withdrawal effects/tension in the muscles in that area could be responsible for some of this. 

 

This might be worth looking into. It's consistent with other effects of SSRI withdrawal such as numbness, inflammation and fibromyalgia-like symptoms in all areas of the body.

 

If interested, you can read my post on Cressida's thread:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7545-hello-from-cressida/

[ExLexa]

Hello everyone, thank you so much for responding to my last post. I am sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. That wave did eventually dissipate somewhat, and I had a week or two of feeling vaguely normal, however I am now in a new wave which had been going for a week and a half. This time, my vision has been affected - it feels like my brain can't track my vision fast enough such that there is a slight lag?! Then on other times it feels like my vision is going to fade away (like I may faint) but it never does. The head pressure is pretty bad and there's a feeling of inner twisting, like I may spin away if I don't hold on. Then comes the strange difficulty breathing, it is very labour expand feels like I can't get enough air into my lungs.

 

I hope everyone is coping ok with their own situations? One day, I will eventually get to posting on others feeds. I have two young children which means I seldom get time to myself. I am very appreciative to have this forum. It really helps me through the tougher times.

????

[ExLexa]

My breathing is *very laboured* is what I was trying to say

[clearday]

 Then comes the strange difficulty breathing, it is very labour expand feels like I can't get enough air into my lungs.

 

I went through a couple of waves of that. Felt like I couldn't catch my breath. No matter how hard you try, it never feels like you are getting a complete breath. If I could force a yawn, then I could catch a breath. It was very uncomfortable and annoying the three waves that I had that.

 

I went through that at ten months out, then two more waves of that at around 18 months out. Each wave of that lasted only around a week, and it usually was only in the evening.

 

I still occasionally feel like that, but much less noticeable. It is associated with chest tightness. Reported by others on here too.

 

I'm glad that it mostly went away.

[ExLexa]

Hi Clearday, glad to hear that you have had the hard to breath symptom too. Have you had any vision problems? There feels a lot of pressure around the eyes so perhaps it is a muscle tension issue like you described before with neck muscles? Thank you for posting the video, yes the graphics were odd and it felt like a sci-Fi short film but it made so much sense to me! Are you in my time zone (Australia) or just up at an odd hour? Hope you are doing ok.

[LexAnger]

Hi Exlexa,

 

I have everything you are having plus many other horrible symptoms severe pain, fatigue, brain nonfunctional and others I can't remember. Lexapro is notorious for causing heart problems. I found my heart beats are very irregular since the last cut down to 3.2mg, it can change from 70 to 200 in a few seconds, which is always companies by extreme weakness. You may try to rest as much as possible to protect your heart. I used to be able to work out a lot before this round of cut even with other symptoms pain, numb, etc., but can't even do the gentle walk with the heart issue and fatigue, also I feel it's better not to push myself for much physical activities for the sake of my heart.

 

It's a good sign you already got some window. Giving you were on the poison for a short time, hope you will heal much faster.

 

Lex

[ThoughtTree]

Hi ExLexa

 

I have had a similar problem with breathing and vision. I took Lexapro for  approximately 7 months before tapering over 2.5 years.

Out of nowhere I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me. Other times I feel like I really need to concentrate to keep breathing. Its not a wonderful feeling but I've fortunately found that it passes relatively quickly. Key for me is to stay calm.

That is not quite my case with vision. It changes all the time but my vision has not been 100% since May. Its seems to rotate between visual snow, flashing lights or white spots, floaters, light sensitivity, dimming or the opposite of brightness and eye pain. I went to an ophthalmologist who said everything is fine. 

 

I agree with LexAnger, its great that you have already experienced some window in your healing.

Thanks to SA Im starting to realise a lot of what I feel is due to withdrawal from lexapro. It definitely offers some relief.

[clearday]

Hi Clearday, glad to hear that you have had the hard to breath symptom too. Have you had any vision problems? There feels a lot of pressure around the eyes so perhaps it is a muscle tension issue like you described before with neck muscles? Thank you for posting the video, yes the graphics were odd and it felt like a sci-Fi short film but it made so much sense to me! Are you in my time zone (Australia) or just up at an odd hour? Hope you are doing ok.

 

I have not had eye problems to speak of other than floaters. Not sure if that is caused by WD or not. I think it may be, I had the floaters since my Prozac WD days.

 

Visual disturbances are widely reported for those in protracted SSRI WD.

 

If you feel pressure around the eyes, perhaps that has something to do with your vision problems. I have always had pressure off and on around my ears, and my hearing has taken the brunt of this Lexapro WD with the ringing, whooshing, and waviness feelings.

 

The WD is causing the muscle tension around my ears, neck, and scalp. I also think there are other things going on other than strictly muscle tension, probably all sorts of electrical disturbances caused by the disruption to our natural neurotransmitter balance due to the use of SSRIs. This would be causing all the sensory disturbances. As our body slowly restores the natural balance of neurotransmitter activity, the sensory disturbances should improve.

 

I suppose the symptoms come and go in waves due to the nature of the repair process. The entire neural network is connected. So as one part of the nerves is repaired, the balance of neurotransmitters is altered for awhile until a window appears. Then more repairwork, imbalance again for a wave. So symptoms morph and can even "worsen" during these months and years of recovery. But always moving toward restoration of the natural balance. Until no more repairwork is needed. Just a guess on what may be happening.