☼ Irishwill 2015 Extremely positive and long overdue update

[aberdeen]

They started when I was tapering fast but I tried to ignore hen then full blown when I went into withdrawal and now I just don't get them. They were awful and made me feel like a terrible person. It's like my mind knew what scared me the most and worked against me. It goes away but still was awful to go through.

 Perfect description. And the brain knows the variety and flavour of each of these topics of dread too, mine likes to run through the whole menu!

[Irishwill2015]

 

They started when I was tapering fast but I tried to ignore hen then full blown when I went into withdrawal and now I just don't get them. They were awful and made me feel like a terrible person. It's like my mind knew what scared me the most and worked against me. It goes away but still was awful to go through.

 Perfect description. And the brain knows the variety and flavour of each of these topics of dread too, mine likes to run through the whole menu!

 

 Haha mine did too, it went places that I really hated but as soon as I realized they were just thoughts and not a reflection on who I really was and would never lead to actions, they began to go away. I would occasionally laugh at them but that was after it got better.The mind is a very complex thing!

[Darwin]

 

 

They started when I was tapering fast but I tried to ignore hen then full blown when I went into withdrawal and now I just don't get them. They were awful and made me feel like a terrible person. It's like my mind knew what scared me the most and worked against me. It goes away but still was awful to go through.

 Perfect description. And the brain knows the variety and flavour of each of these topics of dread too, mine likes to run through the whole menu!

 

 Haha mine did too, it went places that I really hated but as soon as I realized they were just thoughts and not a reflection on who I really was and would never lead to actions, they began to go away. I would occasionally laugh at them but that was after it got better.The mind is a very complex thing!

 

you're one of the people here that make me look forward to getting through symptoms everyday knowing i can heal just as you did. thanks. 

[Irishwill2015]

Thanks Darwin, that means a lot. I find it very fulfilling to share my experiences with people who understand. I remember early on in WD trying to cling to anything that I could for hope and reassurance. I can honestly say it's gets way better, yes it takes time but when you gain things back you took for granted your whole life it's such a great feeling. I have no doubt in people's ability to heal when they do the right things and take care of themselves.

[KT38]

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off?  Like new symptoms popped up or got worse?  I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no  fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not).  And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie. 

[Horns85]

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off? Like new symptoms popped up or got worse? I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not). And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie.

My symptoms were relatively mild until month 7/8. I had symptoms from 3 months but 7 is when things got really bad. Especially the DP/DR.

[KT38]

Wow!  I have heard this happens a lot where it gets worse between 6 and 12 months.  I feel like I have a chemical storm in my body....like internal burning or something in my head and body, along with the electric energy.

[Irishwill2015]

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off?  Like new symptoms popped up or got worse?  I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no  fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not).  And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie. 

 

 

So 7 months off it was around the holidays for me and made me feel 10x worse so I am not sure if it was just the timing or an actual cycle to be honest. I know at 1.5 years to 2 years off I saw a lot of improvement but 7 months is most likely a unique experience but hang in there..the first year is awful...but it gets better and every case is different so maybe you will see improvements even sooner..stay optimistic and avoid reading any of the nightmare stories as they usually don't tell the whole story.

 

Irish

[oceanside659]

Thank you so much fpr posting this, I really appreciate it. It is hard but at some point I am going to have to accept what happened and fight to recover. Thank you again. Very well written-

[Irishwill2015]

Thank you so much fpr posting this, I really appreciate it. It is hard but at some point I am going to have to accept what happened and fight to recover. Thank you again. Very well written-

 

Accepting this as reality was very hard for me. But I had to stop listening to my head and start focusing on facts. It is important to get up even when nothing in your body or mind thinks it is a good idea. Get up and move and do something and get out of your own head.

 

Acceptance is very important, the sooner the better.

 

Glad this helped and wishing you the best.

[LJ2015]

Thanks Irish I really needed to read this. I am three months free and suffering terrible mental withdrawal symptoms although I feel loads better physically. I had a really rough day today and went back to my GP he was useless and told me to go back on them. After reading this post I am determined to carry on without them. I feel very strange tonight as if I have taken some meds (I havnt) - jaw pain, crackling ears, aches and pains and sight problems. Do you remember feeling like that at any time?

 

Thanks again xxx

[Mort81]

Hey Irish just wondering how your workouts are going?  I actually tried some light yoga 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad but during the evening I got hit with a massive anxiety/fear wave out of the blue. I don't think its related though.  So I guess a two part question. First about the workouts and than anxiety/fear.  How and when did your fear/anxiety evolve and abate over time?  My anxiety has come out of nowhere. 

[Irishwill2015]

LJ-

 

still have minor jaw pain and cracking ears to some degree.  Jaw pain is probably from stress and clenching when you are sleeping or while you're awake and not realizing it. I think the cracking in ears could be a bunch of things, for me it is most likely connected to the jaw pain and inflammation. It could also be allergies. You are going to experience new body sensations and things that alarm you but I wouldn't stress too much about it as I think I experienced every weird feeling there is and I got through it for the most part. Ups and downs and new feelings is a part of this game but nothing will be more than a nuisance.

 

Irish

Thanks Irish I really needed to read this. I am three months free and suffering terrible mental withdrawal symptoms although I feel loads better physically. I had a really rough day today and went back to my GP he was useless and told me to go back on them. After reading this post I am determined to carry on without them. I feel very strange tonight as if I have taken some meds (I havnt) - jaw pain, crackling ears, aches and pains and sight problems. Do you remember feeling like that at any time?

Thanks again xxx

[Irishwill2015]

Mort-

 

I am getting better at endurance but find I can't do two long work outs back to back days. I am not getting "sick" after like I was this time last year but I am also not feeling great after working out. I feel fatigued and some slight anxiety. To answer your question, anxiety and fear even later in the evening was very normal for me. It has no rhyme or reason but it is normal. There are delayed responses. I get a lot of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) so I think that triggers the anxiety. It has gotten a lot better.

 

I think it is going to take me like 6 months to get back to about 60% of what I use to do but I am committed to it. It can be frustrating comparing how I use to be able to work out vs now but it's ok, I am moving forward and that's what counts. It IS getting easier.

 

My anxiety is triggered by feeling really out of it and weird, I don't let it get the best of me anymore I just accept it is there. This anxiety is NOTHING like anxiety early on in withdrawal, that was relentless and could last weeks. Now I know it won't last more than an hour or two at best. As the waves get shorter and shorter you eventually just accept it and know it will end sooner than later. It gets less and less frequent with occasional really bad wave here and there but it doesn't last long. Once again, 100% manageable and NOTHING like the hell it was. I believe there is always room for more improvement, especially physically but it will all come in time. Mentally, I feel pretty damn good and my attitude has gotten a lot better.

 

Hope you are able to keep doing the yoga, I think it is good for your morale and great for your body, even if it feels like it is hurting you, you will get over it and be happy you stuck with it.

 

Irish

Hey Irish just wondering how your workouts are going?  I actually tried some light yoga 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad but during the evening I got hit with a massive anxiety/fear wave out of the blue. I don't think its related though.  So I guess a two part question. First about the workouts and than anxiety/fear.  How and when did your fear/anxiety evolve and abate over time?  My anxiety has come out of nowhere. 

[Mort81]

Thanks Irish thats a very reassuring and well written explanation about anxiety. The wave has since left. It last one week . I guess since im relativley early into WD just over  one year that is . All the waves of emotions will still be much stronger than they will one year from now and 2 years from now. I do love the yoga , yesterday I managed 15 min of the Ex Bike on low level than 15-20 min of gentile yoga. My bodies response was okay but I got a failry decent tension headache. Today my body feels a bit stronger and I am more upbeat than usual  but the tension in my head is the equivalent to if I did a triathlon yesterday. So I can feel my sensitivity to exercise is not very good yet kinda the same as my mental state I guess. However I guess thats expected and  I am accepting of this and I wil continue gentile exercise because like you said its good for morale

 

 Thats also an extremely good update from you about the workouts .I know your not where you were yet but I can clearly see your on your way!  Are you into more cardio right now or weights ? a balance ? You have definatley reached a good point to where you can push . Maybe like you said not mutiple days yet but you have come from practically being able to do nothing . I think by this time next year you could be close to 100% if not there.  It may not matter when it fully comes but Its definately gonna come. So glad for you buddy and I am looking forward to reading your updates and progress! 

 

Mort-

 

I am getting better at endurance but find I can't do two long work outs back to back days. I am not getting "sick" after like I was this time last year but I am also not feeling great after working out. I feel fatigued and some slight anxiety. To answer your question, anxiety and fear even later in the evening was very normal for me. It has no rhyme or reason but it is normal. There are delayed responses. I get a lot of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) so I think that triggers the anxiety. It has gotten a lot better.

 

I think it is going to take me like 6 months to get back to about 60% of what I use to do but I am committed to it. It can be frustrating comparing how I use to be able to work out vs now but it's ok, I am moving forward and that's what counts. It IS getting easier.

 

My anxiety is triggered by feeling really out of it and weird, I don't let it get the best of me anymore I just accept it is there. This anxiety is NOTHING like anxiety early on in withdrawal, that was relentless and could last weeks. Now I know it won't last more than an hour or two at best. As the waves get shorter and shorter you eventually just accept it and know it will end sooner than later. It gets less and less frequent with occasional really bad wave here and there but it doesn't last long. Once again, 100% manageable and NOTHING like the hell it was. I believe there is always room for more improvement, especially physically but it will all come in time. Mentally, I feel pretty damn good and my attitude has gotten a lot better.

 

Hope you are able to keep doing the yoga, I think it is good for your morale and great for your body, even if it feels like it is hurting you, you will get over it and be happy you stuck with it.

 

Irish

Hey Irish just wondering how your workouts are going?  I actually tried some light yoga 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad but during the evening I got hit with a massive anxiety/fear wave out of the blue. I don't think its related though.  So I guess a two part question. First about the workouts and than anxiety/fear.  How and when did your fear/anxiety evolve and abate over time?  My anxiety has come out of nowhere. 

 

[Mort81]

I think after a few days since I exercised this rings a bell what you said to me. when you say how even now you dont get sick after you workout but more fatigued and slightly anxious seems similar to me.

 

I am much more at the beginner stage so the yoga or light cardio gives me significant head strain and increased anxiety. Maybe this is my body and minds way of adjusting to the light activity.

[dowdaller]

 

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off?  Like new symptoms popped up or got worse?  I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no  fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not).  And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie. 

 

 

So 7 months off it was around the holidays for me and made me feel 10x worse so I am not sure if it was just the timing or an actual cycle to be honest. I know at 1.5 years to 2 years off I saw a lot of improvement but 7 months is most likely a unique experience but hang in there..the first year is awful...but it gets better and every case is different so maybe you will see improvements even sooner..stay optimistic and avoid reading any of the nightmare stories as they usually don't tell the whole story.

 

Irish

 

 

Im 9 months down the track and I can relate to everything in your thread, my mood dips badly after I workout maybe for a few days, thanks for posting all the replies, I hope you are still well. 

[MrAnxious]

Irish are you still around ???

[gemini]

Like irishwill, I'm at times by sheer force of will putting myself in survival mode and working which promotes my feelings of hope and victory for overcoming inertia. I'm healing.

[gigi63]

Taking a chance that you might contsct me Irishwill. I love your story and have questions too.

[Happy2Heal]

so glad that you posted to this thread, triplem15 - I don't know if Irishwill  is still around or will reply, but this put the thread at the top of a list somewhere where I saw it

 

and it's such an inspirational and hopeful story!
i am glad I read it

 

I hope you find some help with your questions triplem

[gigi63]

Thank you catnapt. I am glad you found it. I too know it is so inspirational. Wonderful!!!!

[Irishwill2015]

Sorry everyone, I just got back on to check messages after a pretty lengthy absence. I wanted to wish you all well in your recovery and answer any messages I may have had. I hope my story helped to give people hope because I know that is something that isn't always around when going through WD. Be kind to yourselves and I wish the best for you all.

 

Irish

[LexAnger]

Yes, it's always the greatest help to hear a true success story!

Thank you for coming back and give hope to everyone who is still on the road.

 

Best wishes to you for a great life!

[Irishwill2015]

Yes, it's always the greatest help to hear a true success story!

Thank you for coming back and give hope to everyone who is still on the road.

 

Best wishes to you for a great life!

Thank you Lex.

 

I wish more people who have healed would come back to prove it is very common to heal. I understand why people don't come back but please know that healing happens and I am talking about true healing, not partial. Keep the faith, work hard towards your recovery, and treat yourselves kindly.

[LexAnger]

Bless your heart and soul irishwill2015!

A heart full of love can heal the mind even faster, and I'm sure yours is one of those.

[Hopeinahpwr]

I like the portion about wanting to stay away from anything that could alter your mind. Other than the sertraline I am slowwllyyy weaning off of, I do not ingest any other agents that have the possibility to alter my thoughts, not even coffee. Also, quitting alcohol was one of the best things I have ever done!!! I've read about the dysthymia associated with long term AD use and how there are studies that it is caused by the brain reshifting itself, and that it may be permanent...but I'm often able to think so clearly through it and overcome the down feelings, so that I truly believe it is a symptom of the sertraline and not something that is permanent...that with time to fully heal, it can be truly and fully overcome...as I never had depression before, even before I started the AD use, which I started for OCD/anxiety...I also believe as was originally written in this post that we do become stronger and more able to cope through our issues of not being able to cope. That we learn it is okay to feel down at times, that's just normal...it's impossible to always live without some type of stress and/or anxiety, especially in today's world. It's almost a blessing that we are experiencing what we are...hope this makes sense...

[Mort81]

Hey Irish Glad to see you come back again. I'm so happy you reached this place of happiness, must feel surreal being so far away from this nightmare. I wanted to ask how your workouts are going? Even if your not able to push 100 % I think your going to be able to.

[Mort81]

Irish I also may have asked you this before but can't find it, when did you actually start to feel healthy like turning the corner? Was it at the 3 yr mark?

[Cean]

There are no words to describe what I went through, I still can’t fathom it now a days, despite living it and keeping a journal. It’s as if the brain digs deeper and deeper into a dark hole, it takes you to a place you didn’t know could exist, a place below death. I kept a journal and that really how I know it was all real, otherwise I would have never been able to remember the fear, pain, sadness, inhumane torture I went through.

 

This. I'm also keeping a journal.

I hope I will have a chance to read it one day and cry. Cry from happiness that it's over.

10 months quitting antidepressants and stimulants ...This is how I am currently feeling . Maybe I will journal my thoughts and feelings. The scary part is thinking you will never come out of it!

[Bobo32]

Hi Irish,

Can I ask you about the mental symptoms and did they ever go away? I'm speaking about

- brain fog

- short term memory

- coordination problems

-feeling i don't have access to all my brain

- feeling slow to understand others, slow to answe/react

 

Also emotional ones

- depression non ending sighs that feel like drug related for sure

- feeling of oppression

- unable to feel joy or enjoy things fully feeling low all the time

 

Thanks again

[Bobo32]

hey Irish great story very inspiring!

 

How long have you been off medication and how are you feeling today?

 

Have you taken Anti psychotics as well? If yes, then may I ask which ones and for how long?

 

I have trouble mostly with cognitive fog and PSSD I hope they will resolve.

 

Thanks and wish you the best

 

Bobo

[Bobo32]

Hey irish,

how are you feeling ?

is healing still happening for you?

are you able to workout now ?

do you have any sexual issues?

please let us know 

thank you

[India]

On 8/20/2015 at 11:00 PM, Irishwill2015 said:

. I developed a stutter early on in withdrawal where I would mispronounce words, the oddest thing, that is now gone entirely.  I can now work through the brain fog. I honestly think our brains rewire and albeit they don’t work the exact same as before, they find a way to get the job done.

This has happened to me. Previously articulate . I have lost language and memory ability. Whole swathes of words and my ability to write poetry dissipated over night. It's like I've been lobotomised. So glad your story has a happy ending.