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Irishwill2015

☼ Irishwill 2015 Extremely positive and long overdue update

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aberdeen

They started when I was tapering fast but I tried to ignore hen then full blown when I went into withdrawal and now I just don't get them. They were awful and made me feel like a terrible person. It's like my mind knew what scared me the most and worked against me. It goes away but still was awful to go through.

 Perfect description. And the brain knows the variety and flavour of each of these topics of dread too, mine likes to run through the whole menu!


2 Timothy 1-7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Effexor 75mg to 262.5mg 2005-2010 for post partum depression

Started having poop out mid 2010, also switched generic brands, then crashed in Dec 2010 (anxiety/ "terror", intense DR, anhedonia, suicidal ideation, chills, insomnia, horrible intrusive thoughts, disorientation, ect)
Rapid "tapered" from 262.5mg Effexor in 3 months

Tried Celexa,Cipralex, then Paxil to deal with wd(this switching made things worse and added akathesia)

Found online support and started tapering Paxil 7 months after quitting Effexor (at this point was having small windows).

Paxil taper: dropped 10% every 4-8 weeks

Year 1 October 2011 to Nov 2012 20mg to 10mg

Year 2 March 2013 to Feb 2014 10mg to 4mg

Year 3 April 2014 to May 2015 4mg to 1.1mg

Year 4 June 2015 1.1mg , dropping by 10% until .5mg, after then dropped by 0.1mg every 5 weeks until 0.1mg.

Finished! Official last dose of 0.1mg on June 15/16

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Irishwill2015

 

They started when I was tapering fast but I tried to ignore hen then full blown when I went into withdrawal and now I just don't get them. They were awful and made me feel like a terrible person. It's like my mind knew what scared me the most and worked against me. It goes away but still was awful to go through.

 Perfect description. And the brain knows the variety and flavour of each of these topics of dread too, mine likes to run through the whole menu!

 

 Haha mine did too, it went places that I really hated but as soon as I realized they were just thoughts and not a reflection on who I really was and would never lead to actions, they began to go away. I would occasionally laugh at them but that was after it got better.The mind is a very complex thing!

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Darwin

 

 

They started when I was tapering fast but I tried to ignore hen then full blown when I went into withdrawal and now I just don't get them. They were awful and made me feel like a terrible person. It's like my mind knew what scared me the most and worked against me. It goes away but still was awful to go through.

 Perfect description. And the brain knows the variety and flavour of each of these topics of dread too, mine likes to run through the whole menu!

 

 Haha mine did too, it went places that I really hated but as soon as I realized they were just thoughts and not a reflection on who I really was and would never lead to actions, they began to go away. I would occasionally laugh at them but that was after it got better.The mind is a very complex thing!

 

you're one of the people here that make me look forward to getting through symptoms everyday knowing i can heal just as you did. thanks. 


Summer 2013: started on Prozac for OCD

Fall 2013: started Lexapro due to Prozac zombie effects

 

Stopped Lexapro because of lack of empathy/emotion,anxiety,lack of concentration etc.

Fall 2014: switched to zoloft 

 

February 2015: started effexor quit C/D after 2 weeks.

April 2015: was on zoloft for a month again to try and wean a bit more slowly. DID not work.

May 2015: dumped all of my medications

July 2015: Struggling day to day with withdrawal symptoms but hopeful that I'll be better at the end of august for the next school year.

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Irishwill2015

Thanks Darwin, that means a lot. I find it very fulfilling to share my experiences with people who understand. I remember early on in WD trying to cling to anything that I could for hope and reassurance. I can honestly say it's gets way better, yes it takes time but when you gain things back you took for granted your whole life it's such a great feeling. I have no doubt in people's ability to heal when they do the right things and take care of themselves.

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KT38

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off?  Like new symptoms popped up or got worse?  I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no  fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not).  And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie. 


Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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Horns85

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off? Like new symptoms popped up or got worse? I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not). And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie.

My symptoms were relatively mild until month 7/8. I had symptoms from 3 months but 7 is when things got really bad. Especially the DP/DR.


Lexapro from October 2012-October 2014

10mg from Oct 2012-Feb 201320mg from Feb 2013-June 201310mg from July 2013-April 2014
Began taper via liquid Lexapro from April 2014-September 2014(Roughly 6 month taper)---0.00 on Oct 1 2014--WD began in December 2014

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reinstated to 10mg - 10mg Tablet October 15, 2015 - Stable by Mid-January, 2016

2016 - 9mg 3/26/16....8mg 5/11/16....7mg 7/05/16....6mg 8/26/16....5mg 10/31/16

2017 - 4mg 3/06/17....3mg 6/24/17....2mg 9/07/17...1.25mg 10/21/17....1mg 11/04/2017

2018 - 0.75mg 1/21/18....0.5mg 2/18/18....0.25mg 3/13/18....0.125mg 3/27/18....0.000 4/9/18

 

Supplements - 15B probiotic on and off. Usually helps w/ mood but sometimes is too activating.

 

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KT38

Wow!  I have heard this happens a lot where it gets worse between 6 and 12 months.  I feel like I have a chemical storm in my body....like internal burning or something in my head and body, along with the electric energy.


Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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Irishwill2015

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off?  Like new symptoms popped up or got worse?  I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no  fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not).  And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie. 

 

 

So 7 months off it was around the holidays for me and made me feel 10x worse so I am not sure if it was just the timing or an actual cycle to be honest. I know at 1.5 years to 2 years off I saw a lot of improvement but 7 months is most likely a unique experience but hang in there..the first year is awful...but it gets better and every case is different so maybe you will see improvements even sooner..stay optimistic and avoid reading any of the nightmare stories as they usually don't tell the whole story.

 

Irish

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oceanside659

Thank you so much fpr posting this, I really appreciate it. It is hard but at some point I am going to have to accept what happened and fight to recover. Thank you again. Very well written-

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Irishwill2015

Thank you so much fpr posting this, I really appreciate it. It is hard but at some point I am going to have to accept what happened and fight to recover. Thank you again. Very well written-

 

Accepting this as reality was very hard for me. But I had to stop listening to my head and start focusing on facts. It is important to get up even when nothing in your body or mind thinks it is a good idea. Get up and move and do something and get out of your own head.

 

Acceptance is very important, the sooner the better.

 

Glad this helped and wishing you the best.

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LJ2015

Thanks Irish I really needed to read this. I am three months free and suffering terrible mental withdrawal symptoms although I feel loads better physically. I had a really rough day today and went back to my GP he was useless and told me to go back on them. After reading this post I am determined to carry on without them. I feel very strange tonight as if I have taken some meds (I havnt) - jaw pain, crackling ears, aches and pains and sight problems. Do you remember feeling like that at any time?

 

Thanks again xxx


Started Contraceptive pill at 14 years of age

Started Prozac 1998 Various different anti-depressants  including Sertraline

contraceptive pill stopped 2010 - given mini-pill - stopped due to no periods

Injured back 2010 - given Co-codamol for back pain

Started Mirtazapine 2011 - intolerance to Mirtazapine (suicidal thoughts, weight gain, memory problems

Changed to Citalopram 20mg - reduced to 10mg after a while

2013 - given Diazepam 2mg - for anxiety to be taken as and when (I abused them)

taken anti-histamines for years for sinus problems

August 2015 - after small tapering stopped taking citalopram

Cut down on Co-codamol stopped taking anti-histamines

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Mort81

Hey Irish just wondering how your workouts are going?  I actually tried some light yoga 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad but during the evening I got hit with a massive anxiety/fear wave out of the blue. I don't think its related though.  So I guess a two part question. First about the workouts and than anxiety/fear.  How and when did your fear/anxiety evolve and abate over time?  My anxiety has come out of nowhere. 


Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Irishwill2015

LJ-

 

still have minor jaw pain and cracking ears to some degree.  Jaw pain is probably from stress and clenching when you are sleeping or while you're awake and not realizing it. I think the cracking in ears could be a bunch of things, for me it is most likely connected to the jaw pain and inflammation. It could also be allergies. You are going to experience new body sensations and things that alarm you but I wouldn't stress too much about it as I think I experienced every weird feeling there is and I got through it for the most part. Ups and downs and new feelings is a part of this game but nothing will be more than a nuisance.

 

Irish

Thanks Irish I really needed to read this. I am three months free and suffering terrible mental withdrawal symptoms although I feel loads better physically. I had a really rough day today and went back to my GP he was useless and told me to go back on them. After reading this post I am determined to carry on without them. I feel very strange tonight as if I have taken some meds (I havnt) - jaw pain, crackling ears, aches and pains and sight problems. Do you remember feeling like that at any time?

Thanks again xxx

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Irishwill2015

Mort-

 

I am getting better at endurance but find I can't do two long work outs back to back days. I am not getting "sick" after like I was this time last year but I am also not feeling great after working out. I feel fatigued and some slight anxiety. To answer your question, anxiety and fear even later in the evening was very normal for me. It has no rhyme or reason but it is normal. There are delayed responses. I get a lot of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) so I think that triggers the anxiety. It has gotten a lot better.

 

I think it is going to take me like 6 months to get back to about 60% of what I use to do but I am committed to it. It can be frustrating comparing how I use to be able to work out vs now but it's ok, I am moving forward and that's what counts. It IS getting easier.

 

My anxiety is triggered by feeling really out of it and weird, I don't let it get the best of me anymore I just accept it is there. This anxiety is NOTHING like anxiety early on in withdrawal, that was relentless and could last weeks. Now I know it won't last more than an hour or two at best. As the waves get shorter and shorter you eventually just accept it and know it will end sooner than later. It gets less and less frequent with occasional really bad wave here and there but it doesn't last long. Once again, 100% manageable and NOTHING like the hell it was. I believe there is always room for more improvement, especially physically but it will all come in time. Mentally, I feel pretty damn good and my attitude has gotten a lot better.

 

Hope you are able to keep doing the yoga, I think it is good for your morale and great for your body, even if it feels like it is hurting you, you will get over it and be happy you stuck with it.

 

Irish

Hey Irish just wondering how your workouts are going?  I actually tried some light yoga 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad but during the evening I got hit with a massive anxiety/fear wave out of the blue. I don't think its related though.  So I guess a two part question. First about the workouts and than anxiety/fear.  How and when did your fear/anxiety evolve and abate over time?  My anxiety has come out of nowhere. 

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Mort81

Thanks Irish thats a very reassuring and well written explanation about anxiety. The wave has since left. It last one week . I guess since im relativley early into WD just over  one year that is . All the waves of emotions will still be much stronger than they will one year from now and 2 years from now. I do love the yoga , yesterday I managed 15 min of the Ex Bike on low level than 15-20 min of gentile yoga. My bodies response was okay but I got a failry decent tension headache. Today my body feels a bit stronger and I am more upbeat than usual  but the tension in my head is the equivalent to if I did a triathlon yesterday. So I can feel my sensitivity to exercise is not very good yet kinda the same as my mental state I guess. However I guess thats expected and  I am accepting of this and I wil continue gentile exercise because like you said its good for morale

 

 Thats also an extremely good update from you about the workouts .I know your not where you were yet but I can clearly see your on your way!  Are you into more cardio right now or weights ? a balance ? You have definatley reached a good point to where you can push . Maybe like you said not mutiple days yet but you have come from practically being able to do nothing . I think by this time next year you could be close to 100% if not there.  It may not matter when it fully comes but Its definately gonna come. So glad for you buddy and I am looking forward to reading your updates and progress! 

 

Mort-

 

I am getting better at endurance but find I can't do two long work outs back to back days. I am not getting "sick" after like I was this time last year but I am also not feeling great after working out. I feel fatigued and some slight anxiety. To answer your question, anxiety and fear even later in the evening was very normal for me. It has no rhyme or reason but it is normal. There are delayed responses. I get a lot of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) so I think that triggers the anxiety. It has gotten a lot better.

 

I think it is going to take me like 6 months to get back to about 60% of what I use to do but I am committed to it. It can be frustrating comparing how I use to be able to work out vs now but it's ok, I am moving forward and that's what counts. It IS getting easier.

 

My anxiety is triggered by feeling really out of it and weird, I don't let it get the best of me anymore I just accept it is there. This anxiety is NOTHING like anxiety early on in withdrawal, that was relentless and could last weeks. Now I know it won't last more than an hour or two at best. As the waves get shorter and shorter you eventually just accept it and know it will end sooner than later. It gets less and less frequent with occasional really bad wave here and there but it doesn't last long. Once again, 100% manageable and NOTHING like the hell it was. I believe there is always room for more improvement, especially physically but it will all come in time. Mentally, I feel pretty damn good and my attitude has gotten a lot better.

 

Hope you are able to keep doing the yoga, I think it is good for your morale and great for your body, even if it feels like it is hurting you, you will get over it and be happy you stuck with it.

 

Irish

Hey Irish just wondering how your workouts are going?  I actually tried some light yoga 15 minutes. It wasn't too bad but during the evening I got hit with a massive anxiety/fear wave out of the blue. I don't think its related though.  So I guess a two part question. First about the workouts and than anxiety/fear.  How and when did your fear/anxiety evolve and abate over time?  My anxiety has come out of nowhere. 

 


Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Mort81

I think after a few days since I exercised this rings a bell what you said to me. when you say how even now you dont get sick after you workout but more fatigued and slightly anxious seems similar to me.

 

I am much more at the beginner stage so the yoga or light cardio gives me significant head strain and increased anxiety. Maybe this is my body and minds way of adjusting to the light activity.


Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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dowdaller

 

Did you get hit hard about 7 months off?  Like new symptoms popped up or got worse?  I just entered 7 months off and feel like I have a fever (no  fever, but that full body sick feeling even though I'm not).  And all my other symptoms have ramped up like I should most definitely be in a Sci-Fi movie. 

 

 

So 7 months off it was around the holidays for me and made me feel 10x worse so I am not sure if it was just the timing or an actual cycle to be honest. I know at 1.5 years to 2 years off I saw a lot of improvement but 7 months is most likely a unique experience but hang in there..the first year is awful...but it gets better and every case is different so maybe you will see improvements even sooner..stay optimistic and avoid reading any of the nightmare stories as they usually don't tell the whole story.

 

Irish

 

 

Im 9 months down the track and I can relate to everything in your thread, my mood dips badly after I workout maybe for a few days, thanks for posting all the replies, I hope you are still well. 


I am off all meds 16 months I had been on olanzapine, Effexor zanex and assorted sleeping meds for approx 2 years.

Weaned off 375 mg effexor over two years, I had previously come off xanax, rivotrill and olazapine. Reinstated 75mg of effexor on the 22/12/16

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MrAnxious

Irish are you still around ???


2007-2012started Effexor xr 225mg -150mg- Varied2months of Taper,(March 22/2012 Off Med/in W/D)Currently No medicationMarch 22/2012- August 16/2012 - Totally Off Effexor( Rough Rough time) Reinstatement for a week(didn't work)****** New Doctor******* Very nice/helpful and in touch.Tried Zoloft- No successAUGUST 17/2012- STARTED 37.5 EFFEXOR FOR ONE WEEK - NOT GOOD < STOPPED.Started Buspar Oct 11th 2012----10 mg for the first 7 days and then 15mg a day---- Taking a new route----Racing thoughts - Gone.Oct 9th ( Done Zoloft,wellbutrin week project trial to feel better) - OFFICIALLY OFF ANTI DEPRESSANT !Oct 26 - Raised Buspar to 20mg a day- Tolerating wellJan 2nd 2013-

Reduce Buspar until full off march 20th 2015 Off all medication !

Tried natural supplements to no avail

Gluten/sugar free since december 2013

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gemini

Like irishwill, I'm at times by sheer force of will putting myself in survival mode and working which promotes my feelings of hope and victory for overcoming inertia. I'm healing.


off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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gigi63

Taking a chance that you might contsct me Irishwill. I love your story and have questions too.

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Happy2Heal

so glad that you posted to this thread, triplem15 - I don't know if Irishwill  is still around or will reply, but this put the thread at the top of a list somewhere where I saw it

 

and it's such an inspirational and hopeful story!
i am glad I read it

 

I hope you find some help with your questions triplem


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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gigi63

Thank you catnapt. I am glad you found it. I too know it is so inspirational. Wonderful!!!!

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Irishwill2015

Sorry everyone, I just got back on to check messages after a pretty lengthy absence. I wanted to wish you all well in your recovery and answer any messages I may have had. I hope my story helped to give people hope because I know that is something that isn't always around when going through WD. Be kind to yourselves and I wish the best for you all.

 

Irish

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LexAnger

Yes, it's always the greatest help to hear a true success story!

Thank you for coming back and give hope to everyone who is still on the road.

 

Best wishes to you for a great life!


Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Irishwill2015

Yes, it's always the greatest help to hear a true success story!

Thank you for coming back and give hope to everyone who is still on the road.

 

Best wishes to you for a great life!

Thank you Lex.

 

I wish more people who have healed would come back to prove it is very common to heal. I understand why people don't come back but please know that healing happens and I am talking about true healing, not partial. Keep the faith, work hard towards your recovery, and treat yourselves kindly.

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LexAnger

Bless your heart and soul irishwill2015!

A heart full of love can heal the mind even faster, and I'm sure yours is one of those.


Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Hopeinahpwr

I like the portion about wanting to stay away from anything that could alter your mind. Other than the sertraline I am slowwllyyy weaning off of, I do not ingest any other agents that have the possibility to alter my thoughts, not even coffee. Also, quitting alcohol was one of the best things I have ever done!!! I've read about the dysthymia associated with long term AD use and how there are studies that it is caused by the brain reshifting itself, and that it may be permanent...but I'm often able to think so clearly through it and overcome the down feelings, so that I truly believe it is a symptom of the sertraline and not something that is permanent...that with time to fully heal, it can be truly and fully overcome...as I never had depression before, even before I started the AD use, which I started for OCD/anxiety...I also believe as was originally written in this post that we do become stronger and more able to cope through our issues of not being able to cope. That we learn it is okay to feel down at times, that's just normal...it's impossible to always live without some type of stress and/or anxiety, especially in today's world. It's almost a blessing that we are experiencing what we are...hope this makes sense...


On zoloft since 2000 for OCD/anxiety. Tapered off from 150mg to 100, 50, 25 over Dec/Jan 2015. After month n half off, began depression. Being terrified, as I never had depression before, after a few days, went back to 50mg, then five days later to 100mg. Now stable. I will stop this medication, with time and perseverance...my current taper level and timing are as follows, which includes No other Rx's, No alcohol, NEVER any illicit drugs:

84mg from October 2016

82mg from February 2017

79mg from April 2017

77mg from June 2017

75mg from July 2017

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation." - Viktor Frankl

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Mort81

Hey Irish Glad to see you come back again. I'm so happy you reached this place of happiness, must feel surreal being so far away from this nightmare. I wanted to ask how your workouts are going? Even if your not able to push 100 % I think your going to be able to.


Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Mort81

Irish I also may have asked you this before but can't find it, when did you actually start to feel healthy like turning the corner? Was it at the 3 yr mark?


Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Cean

There are no words to describe what I went through, I still can’t fathom it now a days, despite living it and keeping a journal. It’s as if the brain digs deeper and deeper into a dark hole, it takes you to a place you didn’t know could exist, a place below death. I kept a journal and that really how I know it was all real, otherwise I would have never been able to remember the fear, pain, sadness, inhumane torture I went through.

 

This. I'm also keeping a journal.

I hope I will have a chance to read it one day and cry. Cry from happiness that it's over.

10 months quitting antidepressants and stimulants ...This is how I am currently feeling . Maybe I will journal my thoughts and feelings. The scary part is thinking you will never come out of it!

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Bobo32

Hi Irish,

Can I ask you about the mental symptoms and did they ever go away? I'm speaking about

- brain fog

- short term memory

- coordination problems

-feeling i don't have access to all my brain

- feeling slow to understand others, slow to answe/react

 

Also emotional ones

- depression non ending sighs that feel like drug related for sure

- feeling of oppression

- unable to feel joy or enjoy things fully feeling low all the time

 

Thanks again


2004-2007 paxil

2015- zoloft 3 months zyprexa 3 months lexapro 3 months xanax

Med free since Feb 28th 2017

Mostly experiencing PSSD

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Bobo32

hey Irish great story very inspiring!

 

How long have you been off medication and how are you feeling today?

 

Have you taken Anti psychotics as well? If yes, then may I ask which ones and for how long?

 

I have trouble mostly with cognitive fog and PSSD I hope they will resolve.

 

Thanks and wish you the best

 

Bobo


2004-2007 paxil

2015- zoloft 3 months zyprexa 3 months lexapro 3 months xanax

Med free since Feb 28th 2017

Mostly experiencing PSSD

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Bobo32

Hey irish,

how are you feeling ?

is healing still happening for you?

are you able to workout now ?

do you have any sexual issues?

please let us know 

thank you


2004-2007 paxil

2015- zoloft 3 months zyprexa 3 months lexapro 3 months xanax

Med free since Feb 28th 2017

Mostly experiencing PSSD

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India
On 8/20/2015 at 11:00 PM, Irishwill2015 said:

. I developed a stutter early on in withdrawal where I would mispronounce words, the oddest thing, that is now gone entirely.  I can now work through the brain fog. I honestly think our brains rewire and albeit they don’t work the exact same as before, they find a way to get the job done.

This has happened to me. Previously articulate . I have lost language and memory ability. Whole swathes of words and my ability to write poetry dissipated over night. It's like I've been lobotomised. So glad your story has a happy ending. 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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ChessieCat

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Longroadhome
On 8/23/2015 at 10:45 PM, Jaywill said:

Thanks so much IrishWill,

 

I so relate with " the being thankful' thing. I am 3 years off and just starting to feel that I can do things again. I can golf 18 holes, I am very sore for a week, but I can do it. I don't think I will ever look at life the same again. I was a very self sufficient person where things came quite easily for me. I was a kind person but didnt have much patience. After all the physical issues, not being able to have my muscles work etc i looked at people who have mobility issues with such compassion. After being in the hospital with withdrawal and heart and kidney issues I looked around at all the people that were never going to get better. I live every moment " in the moment" and I am so extremely thankful for everything. When I wake up and can take a full breath, without air hunger, when I cry at a movie. When i don't twitch . Paxil may have been Hell but I am 44 years old and I am changed. Withdrawal taught me to love the little things and that is priceless

Jaywill

little did we know what we would put ourselves through when starting Paxil All those years ago .. 

It’s  a demon .. and some

you have done well coming off it !! 

 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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