On not investing in drama - yours or other people's

[sunnysideup69]

Ooh, very interesting topic. I get drawn into drama very easily....my own and other people's. Unfortunately, it seems to be a bit of a family trait that I learned.

 

It's actually exhausting, in practice.

 

In a wave, I do find it very difficult not to believe the catastrophic thoughts that are being generated, but I try to tell myself that those are thoughts and that they can't actually hurt me.

 

The other place where I find this hard to manage is at work, but for the sake of my own mental health now, I'm doing it. Not getting drawn into gossip etc.

 

I also once gave a struggling member my real name/messenger contact, and what followed was textbook. Lots of daily messages about how bad they felt, which tapered off as they felt better. Then.....nothing. And no enquiry as to how things were for me, once they were better. Lesson learned.

 

It does take a degree of self awareness to realise when we are dramatising, and some people just don't have that. 

 

Anyway, great topic, and yes, I think getting the balance between honest self expression and remaining optimistic about recovery is key.

[Giulietta]

Hello SunnySide,

 

What brilliant thoughts on an excellent topic.

 

I echo all of your sentiments - and facts - about being drawn into other people's issues. Even though we can offer others ideas (when we have them!) - being morally supportive doesn't always seem enough.

 

This was also conditioning on my part. I think women  may be raised to be more accommodating - at least in my family it was the case - on both maternal and paternal sides. This exacerbates things. It seems our needs come second. I feel like I am a sponge for other people's pain and problems and to some degree a carpet.

 

This certainly leads to negative thinking and catastrophizing - things that only retard our recovery and diminish our quality of life.

 

I have experienced the conflict between wanting nto support as many people in a material way as possible and on as regular basis as possible. It is hard to find a balance - both on SA and outside.

 

On 11/12/2019 at 1:55 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

I get drawn into drama very easily....my own and other people's. Unfortunately, it seems to be a bit of a family trait that I learned.

 

 

People may describe us as 'nice people' but aren't always there for us.

 

You summed this up so brilliantly.

 

I hope you have a very lovely day. Sending freezing cold weather from the USA. Wind brought it in and like in the UK - temperatures drop 20 degrees in a few hours.....sort of like our state of mind....🤣

 

Will pop by your page later - been straight out with this stuff and need a little break.

 

Hugs

Giuilietta