HopelessOne505 - Need Advice On Withdrawal

[HopelessOne505]

So here is my story. I took cilexa since i was 17. Im 25 now. I tried quitting called turkey but that was a bad idea. Last year in January of 2014 i switched to Lexapro. Helped a lot with anxiety and ocd and felt like my life has got back on track. I weaned off in a course of 4 months. I took 20mg of lexapro. Weened off 5mg each month. Yes i know thats too fast. Whats done is done :/. But i did it. Last dose i took was November 7th 2014. Its September 2nd now. But here is the thing. In May i went for a drive and started panicking. I came home and i started feeling like i was outside my body and all. Brought me back to how i felt when i quit cold turkey 3 years ago. So in May i woke up scared and stayed scared all day. I couldn't do anything or even leave my house. So i took 10 mg of lexapro for 13 days. Now keep in mind that i was clean since November 7th and i reinstated in may. Now its September and i haven't touched the lexapro since. My question is, Has reinstating lexapro for only 13 days reset my brain from healing and am i back to where i started how i was in November? or did those 7 months being clean help with my brain recovery plus counting the days i was clean after i took lexapro for those 13 days. Would appreciate any answers or advice.Its been a struggle. Feel like im going insane. Plus im also struggling from PSSD :/. Very depressing to have that.By the way im new to posting on this site so if i posted in a wrong section of the forums i apologize. Thank you.

[dalsaan]

Hi Hopeless, 

 

We don't really engage much with calendars here, starting and stopping medication challenges your nervous system but no one can really say whether taking it for 13 days will have impacted your recovery.   

 

Can we get some more information on what's been happening for you?   What symptoms are you experiencing now, how have they changed over time, when did they start etc?

 

It would be great if you could put this detail in your signature.  Info on how to do that is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

You might also like to read our symptoms and self care forum - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

This is your own personal thread (which I moved to the introductions forum)   Keep coming back to this thread to document what's happening for you, ask questions, record recovery etc.

 

Dalsaan

[oskcajga]

So here is my story. I took cilexa since i was 17. Im 25 now. I tried quitting called turkey but that was a bad idea. Last year in January of 2014 i switched to Lexapro. Helped a lot with anxiety and ocd and felt like my life has got back on track. I weaned off in a course of 4 months. I took 20mg of lexapro. Weened off 5mg each month. Yes i know thats too fast. Whats done is done :/. But i did it. Last dose i took was November 7th 2014. Its September 2nd now. But here is the thing. In May i went for a drive and started panicking. I came home and i started feeling like i was outside my body and all. Brought me back to how i felt when i quit cold turkey 3 years ago. So in May i woke up scared and stayed scared all day. I couldn't do anything or even leave my house. So i took 10 mg of lexapro for 13 days. Now keep in mind that i was clean since November 7th and i reinstated in may. Now its September and i haven't touched the lexapro since. My question is, Has reinstating lexapro for only 13 days reset my brain from healing and am i back to where i started how i was in November? or did those 7 months being clean help with my brain recovery plus counting the days i was clean after i took lexapro for those 13 days. Would appreciate any answers or advice.Its been a struggle. Feel like im going insane. Plus im also struggling from PSSD :/. Very depressing to have that.By the way im new to posting on this site so if i posted in a wrong section of the forums i apologize. Thank you.

 

If you answer these 3 questions:

 

 

1.  How did you feel prior to taking lexapro for 13 days?

 

2.  How do you feel now compared to that?  Better?  Worse? 

 

3.  how do you feel now compared to how you felt whe you first went off the drugs back in 2014?  Better?  Worse?

[HopelessOne505]

@oskcajga I would probably say i feel the same but im not sure. I dont see any improvement in any way. Im just neutral. Probably less anxiety but that could be because the meds are still in my body. They can sit inside you for months.Still no sex drive. No motivation. No energy. Nothing. Still have twitching of all my muscles all over my body.

[Petunia]

Welcome HopefulOne505,

 

As Dalsaan wrote, "starting and stopping medication challenges your nervous system but no one can really say whether taking it for 13 days will have impacted your recovery. "

 

My guess is that it may have temporarily effected your nervous system and symptoms, but if you were not feeling significantly worse after you stopped taking it again, then it probably just slowed your recovery for 13 days and now you are 'back on track'.

 

No one knows for certain what happens when we take these drugs or when when we stop taking them. Recovery takes as long as it takes and everyone is different and every recovery journey is different.

 

If you post a little more about what's going on for you now, we can offer some suggestions about where to go from here. What you did in the past can't be changed, but you can re-focus your attention now on what you can do to support healing and recovery.

 

Less anxiety sounds to me like a sign of improvement. The actual drug doesn't stay in the body for very long, each type is a little different, but the changes caused by the drug can take a while to reverse. Recovery often happens in a windows and waves kind of pattern, see:  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Also, please read the links Dalsaan posted for you. I’m glad you found us, we’re here to support you.

 

Petunia.

[HopelessOne505]

Im losing even more hope. It had been 8 months and I haven't got better at all. I don't have any windows or anything. I don't think im ever going to get better. Ive seen on these forums that not many people get better, only a small percentage and there's never a guarantee that you will ever recover. Sometimes the brain just cant and you're permanently  stuck with depression and anxiety and PSSD till I die. :/

[DLB]

No, your wrong. I took this junk for 10.5 years and besides a autoimmune problem that may have been caused by the drug, I am defiantly getting better. The reinstatement may have set you back but you will get better. My pssd comes and goes but I'm always a damn minute man now if I can get that far Lol. But the desire will come and go. Sometimes the desire is out of control and MOST of the time it is not really there but it is getting a little better. You are still in early days after a quick taper and a reinstatement which may have set you back a little. Hang in there, " When you're going through Hell , keep walking".

[Altostrata]

Welcome, HopelessOne.

 

I disagree with your conclusions here:

 

@oskcajga I would probably say i feel the same but im not sure. I dont see any improvement in any way. Im just neutral. Probably less anxiety but that could be because the meds are still in my body. They can sit inside you for months.Still no sex drive. No motivation. No energy. Nothing. Still have twitching of all my muscles all over my body.

 

Since you took the Lexapro in May, it is definitely out of your body. You have experienced a reduction in anxiety that is related to recovering from withdrawal syndrome.

 

As to how long it takes to recover from PSSD, we have people here who have recovered. Some take months and some take years.

 

As you've chosen "HopelessOne" as your screen name, it seems you have already written the script for your healing. The best way to support your nervous system in its slow rebuilding is by managing your worry, which adds to its burden.

 

It would help you if, when you logged in, you were reminded of something more positive than "HopelessOne." Please consider changing your screen name to something encouraging or calming for you. Send me a personal message with this new screen name.

[HopelessOne505]

I understand, but theres people that never get better even after 10 years. I might be one of those people. Sometimes the brain isnt capable of regrowing those neurotransmitters. Ive done much research. 

[Altostrata]

And you might be one of the vast majority who do get better -- but make yourself miserable with worry throughout the whole journey.

[Nomoreheadmeds]

Comeon 'hopefulone505' keep posting

[HopelessOne505]

Theres nothing to post about. Im still the same. Nothing is better. Its even worse when every woman you hang out with with gets mad when you cant have an erection because you suffer from PSSD. Anxious all day for no reason. Haven't left my house for 7 months already. Every day i struggle. Every day i get very disappointed that i didn't die in my sleep because i have to go through the same crap again. Im 25 and i ruined my body to a point where it can never return even if you recover. Theres really no point in anything anymore really. ive had bad anxiety already before i started taking these meds back when i was 16. Now im even worse when off them. I feel dead inside but also scared. Nothing makes me happy and nothing makes me care. But i also stay in constant fear everyday. Cant sleep. Cant eat.I apologize if you get depressed after reading this. Just telling you how i am and feel.

[starburst]

Hopeless One, you are a young man with so much to live for. I know that you are feeling bad right now but that isn't the way it will always be.  There are a lot of stories on this site from people who have been through the battle and come out the other side. Please concentrate on reading the positive and don't focus on the negative. You weaned off lexapro very quickly. You can't go back and change that so there is no point in dwelling on it, but a lot of what you are experiencing are withdrawal symptoms from a fast taper. There is a quote that I love, please allow me to share it with you. "Ships don't sink because of the water around them, they sink because of the water that gets in them". Yes, you are surrounded by those anxious thoughts, you are scared and can't sleep but it is when you lose hope within that the trouble really starts. You can do things to help with the anxiety. Exercise is good for some and not so much for others, eating a healthy diet, some people benefit from Omega3 and Magnesium and others not so much, meditating, yoga, speaking to a good counsellor. Anything that you can do to help you cope better is going to help your battle. Like someone else suggested, why not change your user name? Hopeless One is a terrible name, there is no hope in that name at all. Why not choose something more positive, more encouraging. You say you have researched a lot on the topic of antidepressants, why don't you research some self help books that teach you how to deal better with what you are going through. There are so many good ones on Amazon. I personally get a lot out of the self help books that I have read. Each one has had some kind of 'nugget' that I have benefited from, something else to help me get myself well. I paint now, I am useless but someone suggested it and it has helped relax me so much. Another friend does Jigsaw puzzles, I couldn't think of anything worse but for her it is a form of relaxation. Good music also helps me, not fast dance music but gentle acoustic is what I prefer. If you don't feel much of an appetite you could still take care of yourself by making a healthy smoothie and filling it with lots of good nutrient full foods. I truly believe that when we start to look after our bodies they respond positively. None of these suggestions are 'quick fix' answers, just mere suggestions that might give you some encouragement. I wish you all the best and please continue to come here and get the support you need. 

[Petunia]

Hi HoplessOne,

I'm sorry you haven't had any improvements yet, recovery can take quite a while for some people, but you will get better if you hang in there. Are you doing everything you can to support your recovery?... good diet, some regular, gentle exercise, sunlight, swapping negative thinking for hopeful thoughts, distraction.... go to our  Symptoms and self-care  section to learn how to help yourself as you recover.

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

[HopelessOne505]

Thank you for all of you who commented and gave me all their advice. I will try to stay alive and hopefully overcome this. If i do get better i will let people on here know. Thank you to everyone again. 

[HopelessOne505]

This will be my last post on here since ive lost all hope and i know all my symptoms are permanent. Researched hundreds of hours. Came to the conclusion that there never will be any cure for any of our symptoms because no one believes they are real unless you yourself have them so there for there will never be any real studies. Protracted withdrawals tend to be permanent, yes you can improve but never 100 percent. I have bad ocd and anxiety. My penis doesn't work or have any feeling. I have floaters and heat waves and visual snow and that alone makes me want to kill myself. The visual disturbances from the research i did are permanent and only get worse over time. There's no point in hoping when deep in your heart you know that it will never be the same. I cant live the rest of my life with no sexual desire with constant anxiety all day and a bunch of floater and heat waves 24/7. I just cant do it. For everyone else on here if you're reading this i wish you the best of luck and hopefully one day something will give and change for you all. The worst part is im only 25 and never had a job or anything. Done get me even started with all the deep scars i have on my face from getting all the cystic acne from all the meds i took. Take care everyone.