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Melanie: should I reinstate Lexapro


melanie

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Once you've lived by the "practices" they become ingrained and second nature. So you no longer practice them but instead you live them.  I have found this to be very true with many of the "practices" I have learned over the years, the ones that work for me have become a part of me and the others have fallen by the wayside. Mindfulness/compassion, being in the moment, being at one with nature, I don't have to think about, it just is.

 

The same goes for the techniques and attitudes that I espouse here.  Not fearing our symptoms, not expressing things in a negative manner, rolling with what ever happens, AAF, finding one beautiful thing every day.  At first we have to "practice" them, learn about how they work and feel and slowly over time they will become a part of our outlook on life (WD is but a small part of life) and we will have been changed for the better, and our lives will reflect that change.  It is a big part of the second chance we have all be granted and every one of us needs to take full advantage of it.

 

I'll go back to my mountain top now.

So true Brassmonkey, I found myself being so damn negative, reading everything negative, thinking only of the bad things.  On fb someone mentioned to think of three things I am grateful for every day, and I do that morning, and evening and night.   It focusses me on the good things I have, not the bad things......   Will be a while until my whole life thinks of good things all day, but it is a start.

 

\And learning not to fear tomomorrow, just to live with todays symptoms,   yes, rolling with the waves, and being kind to myself.  People who tell me I should do this, I should do that, I can not explain that it is not laziness, I just can not do it, so I dont feel guilty anymore, I roll with the surf........... bad days, sometimes better days, just at least move on another day.

1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression.  Serotonin syndrome, oh yes!  seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol.

Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly)  pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby).  98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.
2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout....  Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol,   and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.
Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg  seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg  tegretol 400mg.  Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.
Mid 15 ....   75mg  seroquel,  3 x 1800mg SJW  2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave
5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x  SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW
15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::   28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::;  18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump.

23/9  3mg.....,  27/9 0mg.  Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg.............  LIGHTBULB MOMENT,  I have  MTHFR 2x mutations.  CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it.

Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues.

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 Hi Mel,

 

I hope you're doing well.  Thanks for your " input" on my thread.  I'm still trying to get that book you recommended.  No luck, yet.

 

Thank you , for that.   :)    

 

I hope you're seeing some light , and pushing forward . Keep up , the " good fight".

 

Love,  Ali.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Hi Mel.  I love your writing.  Very nice.  Inspiring.......creative.

 

Hope all is well enough.  Pop on in when you can.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Anyway - "We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.", as Carlos Casteneda once said.

 

 

This quote really spoke to me today. I have completely been going in the "miserable direction" lately. And the amount of time I am using for this!

We can strive towards change even in the darkest of moments. It will make the path forward so much easier. Not in a harsh way where we do anything to be "strong", but in a self compassionate way, to feel more free.

Thankyou for writing about this.

I wish you continued healing. Hugs!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

 

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

 

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg

2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg

2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg

2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg

2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg

2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

 

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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Anyway - "We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.", as Carlos Casteneda once said.

 

This quote really spoke to me today. I have completely been going in the "miserable direction" lately. And the amount of time I am using for this!

We can strive towards change even in the darkest of moments. It will make the path forward so much easier. Not in a harsh way where we do anything to be "strong", but in a self compassionate way, to feel more free.

Thankyou for writing about this.

I wish you continued healing. Hugs!

Hi AmyK, I saw you were online just a while ago. We both should be sleeping at this hour, we're in the same time zone! Glad you liked the quote. Will give you another one, which is pinned to my fridge all the time, along with some others...

 

It was placed on this very site by Addax, but it actually comes from Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward."

 

I admire your perseverence, resilience and patience AmyK - tackling this Zoloft issue for such a long time in such small steps. Always wanted to meet you. And your avatar... this dark blue butterfly... makes me think of those fleeting moments of happiness which we still can experience, while in the middle of the turmoil caused by the horrors of tapering psychiatric drugs.

 

Be kind and compassionate to yourself AmyK,

 

Mel x

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Oh, thank you for your kind words, Melanie!

I will sleep soon :)

I love that quote by M Luther King. We just have to continue, believe in good things... And have dreams.

Look at your avatar! It's like a small painting, filled with hope and contemplation.

Take care, many hugs!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

 

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

 

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg

2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg

2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg

2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg

2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg

2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

 

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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We'll make it Amy. One day at a time. One minute at a time...

 

Used to take Zoloft... for three months, back in 2002. It gave me terrible anxiety, had to stop it almost CT. Am still craving this drug, but I crave Prozac even more. They are so energizing, but the side effects are unbearable.

 

Had numerous attempts to come back to Zoloft. The anxiety side-effect was too overwhelming each time... had to stop taking it.

 

Am currently reading " Your drug may be your problem" by Peter Breggin. Highly recommandable read, especially for someone obsessed with SSRIs and pills in general, as I still have a misfortune to be.

 

As to SSRIs, third month on Lexapro 1,25 mg, waiting for the liquid to arrive from the US. Have been waiting three months, but I don't lose hope. Things are on the right track.

 

Hugs,

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Hi Mel.  I love your writing.  Very nice.  Inspiring.......creative.

 

Hope all is well enough.  Pop on in when you can.

Thank you Manymoretodays. Especially at this time of night (almost 2 am), my writing must be very creative... I write well in my native tongue. Here the language barrier makes things a bit difficult.

 

Came here to alleviate my suffering a bit. We shall see if it helps...

 

Started tapering anti-psychotic (Seroquel) on Nov. 5th, 2015. By 20% unfortunately, went from 6,25 mg to 5 mg. The compounding pharmacy couldn't make 5,6 mg pills (that would be 10% I suppose, am not good with maths).

 

I still am on 1,25 mg Lexapro, waiting for the liquid to arrive. Have been waiting three months already...

 

The OCD (hand-washing etc.) has hit with such a terrible force as a result of WD... Immediately thought I should be on Prozac or Zoloft (marketed as anti-OCD drugs). Except that I used to be on these drugs so many times and Prozac actually destroyed me.

 

I was reading "Brain Lock: Free Yourself From Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. He gives good advice on some CBT techniques to overcome OCD. But in one chapter, he mentioned SSRIs for OCD and I immediately started craving the energizing effect of Prozac or Zoloft. Unfortunately, I am addicted to both of these SSRIs. Addiction is a lifetime disease.

 

So what do I do? I upload "Your Drug May Be Your Problem: How and Why to Stop Taking Psychiatric Medications" by Peter Breggin and start reading that... I start listening to "Simple Truths About Psychiatry", also by Peter Breggin. Gosh, I have to trust someone...

 

Well, let it be my little update for know. I'd rather die than go back to 6,25 mg Seroquel, have had enough of this brain lobotomy going on for years... Not to mention pdoc wanting me to ditch 6,25 mg Seroquel right away, during our last meeting 2 weeks ago. He's been saying that for the last couple of months. Except that I actually quit Seroquel CT in Spring 2015 for a week or so and became almost psychotic...

 

Let this be my little update as well... Sorry I put it in my reply to you, Manymoretodays, but it made it easier for me to make any update at all... You inspire confidence for some unknown reason...

 

Big hugs to you,

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Hang in there, Melanie, and keep tapering like a trooper. Soon you'll be off all meds and the cravings for them will disappear. You will love living life inside the real you. The real you has plenty of good clean energy waiting for you to burn, not this chemical energy you've gotten used to.

 

You're going to feel like a million bucks, darlin.

 

Love, Pug

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Hang in there, Melanie, and keep tapering like a trooper. Soon you'll be off all meds and the cravings for them will disappear. You will love living life inside the real you. The real you has plenty of good clean energy waiting for you to burn, not this chemical energy you've gotten used to.

You're going to feel like a million bucks, darlin.

 

Love, Pug

Thank you Pugknows, so good you're back on board. I feel so tired, it's 2.33 am here. I wish I could answer all those wonderful people who posted on my thread and in PMs, but I'm just so tired... I don't know when I will be able to write again. Something shuts inside me and I just can't write. I compose all these letters in my head which I never send...

 

I once read about a woman in Belgium who suffered from depression. She wanted euthanasia and she got it. Went through all kinds of psychiatric treatments beforehand. Trusted her pdocs incredibly. She had estranged kids, grandkids... she just lost her loved one... Notified her son in a letter about her euthanasia decision... He was just too busy with his own family, business etc. Too busy to care... Then he simply couldn't believe his mother actually did it. He couldn't forgive himself.

 

She wrote all those letters to people who were important to her... long letters, full of emotions she could never express. Positive emotions... But she never sent those letters. Her son found all those letters after her death. Somehow she couldn't open up, she was too scared. She was abused as a child. She preferred to die than to express positive emotions. She was like 50 yrs old at the time and held regular meetings with this euthanasia psychiatrist for a few months. Another pdoc she trusted... My pdoc calls them "murderers". I don't know. Everyone has the right to decide about his own life.

 

I just don't know... I want to live for my almost 5 yrs old Kitty and reduce these poisonous drugs to a strict minimum. I guess "harm reduction" approach is better than all this drug induced suffering.

 

Big hugs to you,

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Mel,

 

If you keep tapering sensibly, you will safely get off these drugs and have a life you will look forward to living.

 

There's no reason, unless you have medical issues, to speed up your taper. I CT'd and I would still be tapering if I hadn't done what I did. It's been a rough ride, but who's to say it would have been any different tapering. I was terribly sick from the drug, but my withdrawal has been brutal.

 

You are on the right track. Steady and slow. I'm not a fan of holding until you feel better because many people hold for months and still feel horrible. If they hold and feel better, then great. How much you can tolerate in the way of symptoms may guide you on how slow to go. Micro tapering like brass monkey is another option to consider.

 

No matter what, you are going to heal if you keep going and get off the drugs. It is inevitable.

 

Love and healing hugs to you, Pug

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Thank you Princess aka Starburst, Freespirit, AliG, Ang, ChanceLucky... For stopping by my thread. I haven't yet replied to you on my thread... But you are in my thoughts...

 

And I want to post long replies that you well deserve...

 

Thank you Marmite for just being there, you are in my thoughts all the time... If it weren't for you, I would never stay on the forum.

 

I will leave you with this question, posed by Peter Breggin in "Your Drug May Be Your Problem".

 

"What is your ultimate resource?"

 

In the hope of getting back to you soon, wishing you lots of healing

 

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Hi Mel

Thank You for writing on my thread. I come her to catch up on how people are doing but often I do not have the emotional energy to respond. Sometimes I try to avoid this place, I try to keep myself busy doing things to keep my mind off my situation. But I want you to know that I don't forget you or anyone else. My mind is always thinking of everyone and wishing the best for them. Mostly I spend time in my garden, exhausting myself with physical labour!! I find it helps me. So as I am digging and mulching I am saying silent prayers for you all. And music, I love to always have some music on. Right now I have "The Mama's and The papa's playing on my computer! it is an oldie but a goodie. California Dreaming is one of my favourite songs of all time. I grew up listening to them singing through the stereo of my parents. It is funny how the music my parents liked is the music I now find myself listening to as an adult!

 

Take care my friend xx

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Dear Mel,

 

I'm so sorry to read that you are feeling low in spirit and energy. This process can be so draining and these feelings and effects add insult to injury, but they will pass.

 

In response to your question "What is your ultimate resource?" one of my best resources is reminding myself and remembering who I am each day. The core of me.

 

We are not the jumble of symptoms that present themselves to us and try to fool us into believing that we are helpless and hopeless. We are not the trauma that we have experienced. It is easy to feel lost in these things at times, but they are not who we truly are.

 

We can do simple things each day to remind us of who we are even when energy reserves are low. Read your journals, look through your photographs, listen to music that has good memories attached to it, remind yourself of your past achievements and goals and dreams and believe in your ability to achieve them. This provides the hope that we need to hold onto during this process and can also soothe anxiety and provide a welcome distraction from symptoms.

 

Nature can also be very healing - cuddles with your cat, growing plants, appreciating a sunny day, photographing nature (from your window if you can't get out). These things can be done within the home when reserves are too low to venture out.

 

Even when we are suffering, especially when we are suffering, we owe it to ourselves to find glimmers of joy in each day. To keep remembering who we really are and to start to create the life that we want and deserve for ourselves by taking baby steps towards creating this each day.

 

You write with such character and sound very creative and capable even during this period of distress. We are often our own worst critics and can be harsh in our estimation of ourselves and capability to thrive. It is in our nature to thrive and overcome obstacles that are placed in our way.

 

Some days will be better than others. Our energy levels will fluctuate as will our symptoms. This is OK, it is part of the healing process. It slows us down and tires us out. We are not lost to it. It will pass. Listen to your body, it often tells us what we need and try to show yourself the same compassion and love that you show to your beautiful kitty.

 

Be kind to yourself, Mel. You are in my thoughts.

 

Huge hugs,

 

Tilly x

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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  • Moderator

Thank you Melanie for what you said.  Made this hour!  :)

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Thank you Melanie for what you said.  Made this hour!  :)

You're welcome Manymoretodays. Glad to be of any use while it's still physically/mentally/emotionally possible to me. There is no better thing than to be useful to others... No better thing for striving towards sobriety.

 

Big hugs to you and continue the great job of getting drug-free and living IRL,

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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I appreciate your thoughts on my thread Mel. I wish you continued healing as well.

 

I'd echo all the things that Tilly wrote. We are so much more than we have been lead to believe. Healing is our birthright...for now, that's one of my greatest resources..the absolute certainty in that. And by healing, I don't mean eradication of symptoms, but something much deeper.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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I appreciate your thoughts on my thread Mel. I wish you continued healing as well.

 

I'd echo all the things that Tilly wrote. We are so much more than we have been lead to believe. Healing is our birthright...for now, that's one of my greatest resources..the absolute certainty in that. And by healing, I don't mean eradication of symptoms, but something much deeper.

"Look to this day,

For it is life,

The very life of life.

In its brief course lie all

The realities and verities of existence,

The bliss of growth,

The splendor of action,

The glory of power-

 

For yesterday is but a dream,

And tomorrow is only a vision,

But today, well lived,

Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day."

 

SANSKRIT PROVERB

 

Let this be my thank you note, Freespirit. My batteries are low... Will have to go soon. It's 22.53 pm here. Wishing you lots of healing,

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Hi Mel

Thank You for writing on my thread. I come her to catch up on how people are doing but often I do not have the emotional energy to respond. Sometimes I try to avoid this place, I try to keep myself busy doing things to keep my mind off my situation. But I want you to know that I don't forget you or anyone else. My mind is always thinking of everyone and wishing the best for them. Mostly I spend time in my garden, exhausting myself with physical labour!! I find it helps me. So as I am digging and mulching I am saying silent prayers for you all. And music, I love to always have some music on. Right now I have "The Mama's and The papa's playing on my computer! it is an oldie but a goodie. California Dreaming is one of my favourite songs of all time. I grew up listening to them singing through the stereo of my parents. It is funny how the music my parents liked is the music I now find myself listening to as an adult!

 

Take care my friend xx

Hi again Princess,

 

I feel exactly the same. Trying to live IRL as much as possible, meditation and working is my ultimate resource. I haven't started that job from home yet, had a very traumatic experience connected to it. This experience triggered the worst of OCD...

 

But things are headed in the right direction anyway. I'm very scared though I won't be able to do all those things... working, taking care of my beloved Kitty, myself, home. Pdoc, therapy... Time, time, time...

 

Thank you for all the beautiful words on my thread and that gorgeous Kitty picture...

 

My addiction therapist gave me a huge assignment, which excluded my writing on the forum. He gave me some "tough love" and I'm grateful to him, I don't wanna lose this therapist. Have been in therapy for some twenty-five years, but I somehow ran away from all those people who were trying to help me.

 

Went through nine years of psychoanalysis, that woman helped me tremendously. I had a huge breakdown after losing her. Then lost another therapist, with whom I had a four-year relationship. Always my Mother came between us.

 

Am back with those book recommendations:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Is-Not-Enough-Succeed/dp/0875798713

 

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X

 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479

 

The first and third are also available as audio books on Amazon Audible.

 

I used to listen to songs too, now I prefer to listen to audiobooks. It all depends on the stage of WD. After I tapered Seroquel (by 20% unfortunately), my mind seems to be working like 50% faster. Tapering Lexapro rather made me teary and emotional. There's still that 1,25 mg Lexapro to tackle...

 

You can get the first and the third book on Kindle. Allen Carr is available only in paperback, but he's absolutely great! If you're not satisfied with these recommendations, I'll send some more... The first and third book are about tackling addiction issue, the third is only about alcohol, but it's written in such a simple language.

 

You have two great events coming... birth of your grandkid (lots of endorphins hopefully!) and your daughter's wedding... You once mentioned alcohol at your daughter's wedding. IMO that should be a non-alcoholic wedding, because you're recovering and you are one of the most important ppl there...

 

If I were you, I would discuss this issue with your family... It's risky to bring up such things in professional environment, but your family should offer support and understanding. This will be a huge emotional event and alcohol on the table would be the most dangerous trigger possible.

 

My wedding was non-alcoholic, with just the closest friends and family. Lots of wonderful music, flowers, good food. Everything went smoothly.

 

Very glad you start losing that extra weight! Your beautiful post about food helped me a bit with my anorexia issues. I guess you should accept yourself as you are... with those extra kilos, tapering an SSRI and recovering from alcohol addiction. There cannot be any change unless there is acceptance. Self-discipline is just as necessary as acceptance.

 

"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." As Max Ehrmann put it in the "Desiderata".

 

I also like "California Dreaming". I know you loved to collect ponies, hence your former nick on the forum. I will send you another link, to a beautiful song by the "Rolling Stones" - "Wild Horses". I used to listen to it when things got very tough with my Lexapro taper. I guess the song is about being "on the road", as Keith Richards put it. But for me, it's about taming all those wild emotions which arise during WD. When Mick Jagger sings "Wild wild horses, we'll ride them one day". I'm just thinking that one day I'm gonna get through WD, be emotionally stable and get my life back.

 

https://vimeo.com/85113377

 

Big hugs to you Princess, keep healing, you're in my thoughts always.

Sorry for the information overload...

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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I see the topic "On not investing in drama" has been locked. Just wanted to add my two cents. I will do it here then. Co-dependency and compassion are two different things... IMO they somehow got confused. There is no such thing as virtual co-dependency.

 

IMO, separating withdrawal and relationship / philosophical / psychological issues (as was suggested on Bluebalu86's thread) would be destructive to this forum, as these things are inseparable and intertwined. They are always mentioned inseparably on different threads.

 

The reason I start reading people's threads is that I identify with the above issues, not only with the psychiatric drug problem. The psychiatric drug problem is a consequence, not a reason why psychiatric drug addiction started.

 

Without the above-mentioned issues, the forum would be like a five minut pdoc visit. "What are your symptoms? Next please."

 

In his book "Your Drug May Be Your Problem" - Peter Breggin states that the most important factor is WHY we started taking these drugs in the first place. What happened in our family, our outlook on life - that made us take these drugs.

 

Thank you Marmite and Freespirit you were able to add your valuable opinions there, and above all thank you Tilly... Great, courageous souls.

 

I think people who voiced their views on that topic, views different from those of part of the staff - were just doing so in the best interest of the forum.

 

I strongly advocate bringing some of the AA philosophy to this forum, as a healing power:

 

"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity." (The 1st AA Tradition)

 

"For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as he may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern." (The 2nd AA Tradition)

 

More and more treatment centres are adopting this philosophy, because it has been most successful with all kinds of addictions.

 

Above all, AA's philosophy is about being non-judgemental. Because judging other people is a way of expressing one's superiority.

 

I was following the Dalai Lama advice from "Instructions for Life":

 

"Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer."

 

That's why I decided not to post on "Not investing in drama" topic and on Bluebalu86's topic at a certain moment.

 

But if we all lapse into silence for reasons we cannot express, there will be no genuine forum and honest, compassionate information exchange. If someone is afraid of being judged or rejected, they will remain silent...

 

I post it in the best interest of the forum, not to be disruptive... I have a right to express my personal opinion and also voice the reason why I didn't post for a long time.

 

Mel

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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thanks for that beautiful video of "Wild Horses". I love that song.memories of my youth..

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25.

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  • Administrator

melanie, I completely disagree with you. I hope that forthwith you will take care to express your respect for the hard work that I and the mods do, rather than the opposite.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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melanie, I completely disagree with you. I hope that forthwith you will take care to express your respect for the hard work that I and the mods do, rather than the opposite.

Altostrata, I didn't mean to be disrespectful to the hard work done by you and other moderators on this forum. My intentions were entirely different. They were good intentions.

 

Melanie

1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/

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Please remember we work very hard, there are hundreds of people who want help, and we do what we can -- all unpaid.

 

I do not wish to expend additional time and energy defending policies which have been explained in great detail. You'll have to trust our decisions. If you cannot, you may find that's a more congenial environment out there in the vast Internet. This site does not have to be all things to all members.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thank You for those book recommendations. I will follow them up. I do have a problem reading anything 'deep'. I just can't seem to concentrate enough to absorb the information. I am very forgetful too, even if someone gives me their phone number and I repeat it over and over in my head till I can write it down, sure enough as soon as I stop saying it then I forget. I am sure this is all related to the anti depressants. I never ever used to be like that. So maybe audio books would be a good thing for me. With headphones of course to stop the background noise which in my house is always full on. 

 

In regards to an alcohol free wedding, that would be lovely. Unfortunately a lot of the guest are travelling from overseas and are big drinkers. Rather than 'rock the boat' I have decided that I will be the 'taxi' service for a number of the guest travelling home. I have nominated myself and am happy to do that because it gives me an excuse not to drink. Yes, it will be hard but I will not be alone. None of my family (including the bride and her fiancee) are drinkers so I will have plenty of people to mix with who will not be intoxicated by drink. 

 

In response to your question "What is your ultimate resource?" one of my best resources is reminding myself and remembering who I am each day. The core of me.

 

We are not the jumble of symptoms that present themselves to us and try to fool us into believing that we are helpless and hopeless. We are not the trauma that we have experienced. It is easy to feel lost in these things at times, but they are not who we truly are.

 

We can do simple things each day to remind us of who we are even when energy reserves are low. Read your journals, look through your photographs, listen to music that has good memories attached to it, remind yourself of your past achievements and goals and dreams and believe in your ability to achieve them. This provides the hope that we need to hold onto during this process and can also soothe anxiety and provide a welcome distraction from symptoms.

 

Nature can also be very healing - cuddles with your cat, growing plants, appreciating a sunny day, photographing nature (from your window if you can't get out). These things can be done within the home when reserves are too low to venture out.

 

Even when we are suffering, especially when we are suffering, we owe it to ourselves to find glimmers of joy in each day. To keep remembering who we really are and to start to create the life that we want and deserve for ourselves by taking baby steps towards creating this each day.

 

 

I just wanted to thank Tilly from the bottom of my heart for that post. Yesterday when my anxiety was extremely high I came on here and read this and it was like a healing balm. Such beautiful words of wisdom. Photography is a passion within me that I have yet to birth so the part about photographing nature really spoke to me. It was like medicine. It gave me a hope and a desire which in turn lessened my anxiety and I went to bed a lot happier. 

 

Take care my friend. Look after yourself. You are precious. 

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I appreciate your thoughts on my thread Mel. I wish you continued healing as well.

 

I'd echo all the things that Tilly wrote. We are so much more than we have been lead to believe. Healing is our birthright...for now, that's one of my greatest resources..the absolute certainty in that. And by healing, I don't mean eradication of symptoms, but something much deeper.

"Look to this day,

For it is life,

The very life of life.

In its brief course lie all

The realities and verities of existence,

The bliss of growth,

The splendor of action,

The glory of power-

 

For yesterday is but a dream,

And tomorrow is only a vision,

But today, well lived,

Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day."

 

SANSKRIT PROVERB

 

Let this be my thank you note, Freespirit. My batteries are low... Will have to go soon. It's 22.53 pm here. Wishing you lots of healing,

Mel

 

 

Thank you for this Mel. You couldn't have known this, but it was the first bit of Sanskrit I ever encountered. I was about 10 years old, at my first meditation retreat. This was printed on the top of the paper which contained guidelines for our practice. I read it many, many times on that retreat..it carried me through some tough moments and some beautiful ones. Now, 50 years later, you brought it back to me. I feel as though something has come full circle within me...bless you for your kindness.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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  • 1 month later...

How are you, Melanie? You havent been here for a while. Hugs!

Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

 

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

 

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg

2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg

2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg

2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg

2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg

2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

 

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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  • 2 years later...

How are you doing Melanie these days?

I hope that you are better.  

DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Melanie: should I reinstate Lexapro

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