328Banks -- Happy to be here + My journey

[328Banks]

Hi all,

 

Thanks to a kind user over at Reddit I was referred to this forum.

 

I am a 25 year old college graduate with no history of mental illness.

However, in April of this year, I was hospitalized voluntarily for depression.

During my stay, the hospital psychiatrists placed me on a series of meds:

Lexapro, Lithium, Zyprexa, Cogentin and Klonopin.

 

The Cogentin and Klonopin were discontinued during my outpatient visits.

 

Having been fed up with the manner I was treated by my doctor, I chose to taper

myself off the Lithium and Zyprexa. I got tired of sleeping 12-13 hours a day and being unable to do my day job.

 

Since stopping the meds, I noticed that I am sleeping better and actually possess the energy to do things during the day.

 

However, the main consequence I am experiencing is problems writing creatively and mustering up the mental endurance to do all the heavy reading that I've wanted. My sense of humor isn't the same and I am worrying a lot about brain damage from being on these meds.

 

I would like to restore my intellectual fortitude and be an asset at my job again.

 

What I hope to get out of this forum, by interacting with others, is a roadmap to how I can overcome the obstacles placed in front of me and become the productive and creative person I once was.

[Nomoreheadmeds]

welcome '328banks' youve come to the right place.

[brassmonkey]

Hi 328Banks--  welcome to the group.  I'm glad to see that you want to take a proactive approach to your meds.  I couldn't quite tell were you are, are you now drug free or are you still on the three drug cocktail?

 

We ask everyone to fill on a signature block so we can see the details at a glance.  If you would too it would be very helpful.

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

[328Banks]

Brass monkey! Funky

 

I am currently in withdrawal. My embarrassment shifted toward anger at the doc who started me down this road.

 

I will post my signature. Thank you both!

[Fresh]

Welcome to the site Banks , good to have you here!

 

If you click FOLLOW at the top right , you'll receive an email each time someone posts.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

[328Banks]

Thanks for the warm welcome you guys.

 

I'm afraid I didn't do a taper under supervision of a doctor.

 

I stopped the Zyprexa, mostly because half the time I would fall asleep before the evening dose arrived.

I basically just started alternating every other day for about two weeks then I stopped altogether.

Same deal with the Lithium. Half the time I'd fall asleep and then I figured to just alternate.

 

I am deathly worried because my writing is most important to me and I just don't have the words for anything.

My passion for getting a story, whether it was an interview or an event, seems to have disappeared after being

on such meds. A lot of my long term memory I sense was jostled by this. I loved grammar, words and writing for as long as I could remember.

 

I feel sorta like the seeker. I am entertaining new doctors but I am unsure how to get help.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, 328.

 

Your thought processes will slowly get back to normal. Do what you can to stimulate your thinking and don't beat up on yourself when you fall short.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

[bubble]

Are you still taking any drugs? (There is no signature so it's hard to tell but you don't mention Lexapro).

 

It's outrageous that they put you on so many drugs at once. Was there any other effort to understand why you were feeling the way you were and help you in any other way?

[328Banks]

Bubble,

 

I appeal not only to you, but other members of this forum, this kid NEEDS HELP.

I'm 26. I was never hospitalized for anything other than pneumonia when i was 5 prior to this.

 

Yes, I was taking Lexapro. I am in the process of changing docs and chose not to refill my prescription.

I am working with a new therapist who is trying to find me a less medication happy doctor.

 

However, especially when I wake up in the morning, I have this dumb feeling. Like my brain is functioning at less than its capable of.

When I was hospitalized. I was given no clarification why I was put on so much medication. I never had a situation where the discharge doctor and a nurse or something sat down and explained "this is what we think is wrong and how we are going to handle it."

In reality, it was just a series of "see a new doctor; get more meds added."

 

All I take right now is a daily multivitamin but I'm thinking it's not enough. I exercise on a daily basis.

 

I have recorring fears that my ability to concentrate, reading and writing abilities won't bounce back.

I'm not reading like I used to, and writing has been pretty non existent.

Due to this, I think about suicide ALOT.

 

I am 6-7 weeks off Zyprexa (tapered by taking every other day for about a week),

I am 3-4 weeks off Lithium

I am about 1 week off Lexapro

 

I wish I had one of those doctors whom I could trust and actually gave a crap about my wellbeing.

On an outpatient basis, he actually expected me to take EVERYTHING. Taking Lithium and Klonopin together felt like somebody dropped a bowling ball on my head. When I told him I was self medicating by taking less than what I was being proscribed he threatened to boot me out of the practice.

 

Have I done myself in? Am I going to live with permanent brain damage? I am not as drowsy during the day and can actually carry on conversations again.

 

I appeal to not only you, but members of this forum, this kid needs HELP.

[Fresh]

Thanks for the information Banks.

 

Red light:  you were taking Lexapro from April till one week ago . . . that's plenty of time for you to develop enough tolerance that you could get severe withdrawal symptoms.

The fact that you think about suicide "ALOT" is a real concern.   Lexapro is an SSRI , a class of antidepressants that is notorious for a delayed withdrawal reaction.  I'm concerned things may get worse for you over the next weeks and months before they get better.

 

Please consider reinstating a small dose of lexapro , getting stable , and then tapering in a responsible way.

Try reading http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

Also read http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

and http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

There are lots of people here who want to help you Banks , but you need to help us.

Please fill in your signature as the moderators have requested.  Please follow your topic.

 

The way your brain is functioning at the moment is only temporary. Your skills and talents will come back when your central nervous system has some stability.  

It's going to take a while , so be patient.

[328Banks]

I'm having problems with getting to the signature portion?

 

On mobile I can't seem to find it?

 

How long is this supposed to take? To feel like my old self again?

You folks can tell I've been through the cleaners... Being able to think

of words and language is important.

[brassmonkey]

Hi 328Banks-- there is a very good tutorial on using your mobile device at the end of this thread  Technical support and bug reports      

 

Please be sure to add ALL the drugs you are or have been taking into your signature.  You just mentioned Klonopin for the first time and that makes a big difference.

 

No one can predict how long things are going to take because each person reacts so differently and there are so many different variables.

[Altostrata]

329, I am quite concerned.

 

I am 6-7 weeks off Zyprexa (tapered by taking every other day for about a week),
I am 3-4 weeks off Lithium
I am about 1 week off Lexapro

 

 

It sounds like you went off 3 drugs without proper tapering. When did your current symptom pattern start?

 

How often are you taking Klonopin, and how much?

[328Banks]

The klonopin was discontinued by my doctor in May.

I went off without proper tapering? My current symptom pattern has been persistent for a few weeks now. I feel like I can't concentrate. Do deep reading or write like I want to.

There are honest to god days where I wake up and ask myself if I can't create, I lack life purpose. My reason for being alive just isn't there.

Once I'm physically active, I feel considerably better.

I couldn't tolerate side effects. So I stopped the meds. My pdoc was unwilling to change my meds.

Do I honestly bother with telling him the truth? I am due to see him for a six week follow up appointment tomorrow.

 

[brassmonkey]

I took care of it for you.  Yea, it's not a good idea to put personal information in a public post.

[Petunia]

I'm having problems with getting to the signature portion?

 

On mobile I can't seem to find it?

 

Here's how to add your signature from a phone or tablet:

 

http://survivinganti...nature/?p=84105

 

Edit:  We need a clear picture of your drug history, from what you have written its hard to tell how long you have been on the various drugs. It looks like you stopped taking most of them fairly soon after starting them, but you have been on Lexapro for about 5 months and stopped a week ago?

 

When you fill in your signature, please would you add dates (approx is fine) and doses.

 

Reinstatement of a small amount of the drug can often work well to alleviate withdrawal symptoms. According to medical knowledge, reinstatement is the only way to alleviate withdrawal. Reinstatement is best done immediately upon appearance of symptoms. The more time that passes, the less likely it is to work. Once you have stabilized on a low dose of the drug, then a slower, safer taper can be started.  

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to stop withdrawal symptoms

 

Don't worry, you will get your creative self back. Work with us and we will do the best we can to help. How did your doctor appointment go?

Edited September 12, 2015 by Petunia

[328Banks]

All,

 

I wanted to thank you for your welcoming nature and hospitality.

I no longer have thoughts of self harm or suicide since things

have improved in terms of family support and work. I met with my

psychiatrist for the last time on Thursday.

 

During the appointment, I essentially lied my butt off. He would not

provide me with a letter releasing me for work if I told him I stopped taking

the medications on my own.

 

*** The doctor said I was the best he's ever seen me.***

 

I am anxious and willing to work with you all in order to get back to my best self.

I finally posted my signature. What I am wondering:

 

***My goal ultimately is to play guitar; write books and work as either a teacher or social worker.

I love bowling, swimming, college football and country music.***

 

- Why do I still have days where I feel as if I have diminished intelligence and lack of focus, concentration, etc?

 

- How do I create conditions conducive to helping me complete the deep reading and writing creatively I seek?

 

- Are these symptoms common when coming off these meds? I'm wondering when this fear/feeling of brain fry will go?

 

- Does anyone have thoughts/ideas/opinions on diets, workouts, supplements that treat the effects of these drugs?

 

 

I literally so feel liberated after cutting the umbilical cord of these meds.

I am going to the gym, guzzling water, started on a Centrum Men's Multivitamin and will start

on fish oil and amino acids soon. I plan on switching to a gym with a pool and sauna. I'm not sure what else can be done?

I wasn't on these meds long term. But, I want to reverse course and fix damage they may have caused.

 

Thank you and God Bless!

[Altostrata]

328, you have withdrawal symptoms from all the drugs you were taking.
 
See

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

See our Symptoms and Self-care forum for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms http://tinyurl.com/3hq949z

 

You say you are feeling better physically. What were your physical symptoms, when did they start, and when did they go away?

 

Good to hear you're feeling better psychologically, too.

 

Please keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern so you can track your progress.

[328Banks]

I will check those links out. I haven't been off the drugs that long and my body is still clearly learning to live without them.

 

The writing and feeling of anti-intellectualism is the worst of this.

 

When I came off the Lexapro, I had some headaches and nausea, but that's gone for now.

If I could just do deep thinking at work and be mentally locked into what I am doing again, that would be great.

[brassmonkey]

The cognitive abilities will return, but it can take a frustratingly long time.  Many of us here are writers, artists, musicians and the like and have gone/are going through this.  I would suggest looking into creative mind challenge types of games just to keep the ol' brain exercised.  Exploring the process of deep/creative thinking can be helpful too, finding new directions to approach a problem, lateral, sideways, backward, off subject are some of the approaches that have kept me going.  I found that the ideas/answers are still there only they take a lot longer to show themselves.  The immediate thinking, as in conversations and brainstorming, is what really suffers and is the most frustrating.  Holding a conversation when your words come several minutes late is a real challenge.  Note pads are your friend.

[328Banks]

I am looking to work with a new doctor. One who isn't so medication happy. I will still proceed with caution if she proscribes meds.