lillylou: lexapro: 3 months off

[lillylou]

Today has a pretty rough start, sister is leaving and I have a busy day today school wise. I also had another nasty nightmare So I woke up with a knot in my stomach and vomited.

 

Man tomorrow marks that im half way through my month of hell. I need to get through this, its going by so slow.

[lillylou]

Said goodbye to my sister, I broke down. Ill just have to take today for what it is. Giving myself a moment then I need to wipe away my tears and open a textbook.

[Flowers]

Come on lillylou you can do this.

 

Sending you a big hug as I expect you are missing your sister.

 

 

xxxx

[lillylou]

I really hope I can flowers, today the wave continues. My dog knows somethings up because shes clinging to me. I really miss enjoying food

 

Other symptoms

- anxiety

-sweating/body is on fire

-nausea/threw up again

-nightmares

 

Today im ruminating about this big assignment due on the 2nd. Also anxious because i do not know if ill have the physical strength to write my exams in 2 weeks. I can barely eat or go outside

[Rockingchaircat]

Thank you for your kind words lillylou. It helped.

 

You're still freshly off the stuff. I wish there was something I could do for you. Or some advice. All I can offer for sure-  is to keep going. As to getting things done- I've found that both 'sheer force of will' and 'breaking things up into small units' seemed to help me the most during my more intense days of withdrawal.

[lillylou]

Thank you for your kind words lillylou. It helped.

 

You're still freshly off the stuff. I wish there was something I could do for you. Or some advice. All I can offer for sure- is to keep going. As to getting things done- I've found that both 'sheer force of will' and 'breaking things up into small units' seemed to help me the most during my more intense days of withdrawal.

Thanks rockingchaircat, it means a lot to me when people take the time to read my post and comment. 3 months in, 3 years of my life on the stuff, is this the price I pay? , I wonder how many of my neighbours, coworkers, friends are silently suffering from their own withdrawal. I wonder if 3 years vs 10 years affects the healing process? Time will eventually tell but sweet jesus time is a b****.

[lillylou]

Today so far

 

Nausea: didnt puke... yet.

Moderate anxiety

Last night I had painful leg cramps - but that could be because I literally havent moved from my apartment bc of assignments

 

A big window usually hits in the evening, my body is relaxed , last night I ate scrambled eggs and a piece of pancake, I fall asleep easily then the cortisol rush hits in the morningvand my stomach contracts like I ate bad sushi.

 

I notice that anxiety heightens when im alone aswell , SO spent the night last night, coming over again tonight, didnt want him to leave this morning but I know I need to concentrate on my assignment. When my sister visted i had a bad day or so, then I felt more normal because someone was around. Hate being alone

 

More windows please!

[lillylou]

Today

 

Neuro emotions

Morning anxiety/cortisol rush .. its what I hate the most

 

My neuro emotions are getting the best of me lately, I always get a bad homesick feeling when my boyfriend leaves. Or when anyone leaves for that matter because it means I have to work on assignments.

 

Two more weeks of this semester. God speed

[Flowers]

I do understand all your symptoms LL, I don't like being alone too.

 

At least you will have your boyfriends visits to look forward to once you have done your work.

 

You are doing a great job during a tough time.

 

xxxxxFlowers

[Frogie]

Hi lillylou:

 

Just thought I would stop by and say hi.

 

See how you're feeling, but see on your thread you are having some problems.

 

I hope your schooling goes fast for you too, but get good grades, so you can go home.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[lillylou]

Thanks for the support guys.

 

Question: has anyone experienced hair thinning? Im not sure when this started happening but my already thin hair is more thin... so im paranoid it will get worse, or will it get better because im getting off the meds?

 

Any advice will help as im starting to freak out

[KarenB]

The fact that we have a thread about hair issues during w/d should reassure you that many people do experience this.  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9108-hair-problems-hair-loss-poor-condition-body-hair-excessive-growth/  There are some good explanations in that thread, as well as things members have done to strengthen and nourish their hair. 

[lillylou]

The fact that we have a thread about hair issues during w/d should reassure you that many people do experience this. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9108-hair-problems-hair-loss-poor-condition-body-hair-excessive-growth/ There are some good explanations in that thread, as well as things members have done to strengthen and nourish their hair.

Thanks karen

 

So im experiencing scalp tingling.. and the hair on the sides of my head is thinning. Im completely upset. I feel defeated

[KarenB]

Yeah, the whole experience is really unpleasant.  Would it help to try and remember you're not alone in the unpleasantness?  Right now you're in the worst of it.  The healing will come, and one day it'll all be behind you.  It's about finding ways to get through each day, one at a time.  The acceptance thread is very good, as is Change the Channel and The Claire Weeks method.

 

Have a read through those, and see what resonates with you. 

[lillylou]

Yeah, the whole experience is really unpleasant. Would it help to try and remember you're not alone in the unpleasantness? Right now you're in the worst of it. The healing will come, and one day it'll all be behind you. It's about finding ways to get through each day, one at a time. The acceptance thread is very good, as is Change the Channel and The Claire Weeks method.

 

Have a read through those, and see what resonates with you.

I did read through those thanks Karen, my hair isnt as bad as i think it is so thats good.

 

I had a bit of a break but started dry heaving/puking in the morning for the past two days, my morning anxiety is still there but its a bit less.still weepy but not intense crying spells (thank god) Exams are coming up so it might get worse before it gets better because of the stress. Evenings are still good though always get windows in the evening of feeling relatively normal which means im healing

 

I'm able to do a bit more things, chores/grocery shopping.

 

Still dont feel like myself but its still an improvement

[Frogie]

Anything is an improvement when you have just one good day.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[AliG]

Hi Lillylou.  It sounds like you're getting through this for now. The thing that worries me most is that you might get slammed with symptoms at some point in the near future. It's only been 3 .5 months and it can happen anytime from hereon in. I would hate for you to get to the point of "no return" where reinstatement is not possible.

 

You are at the deciding stage where you can either reinstate now or possibly suffer through many months/ years of withdrawal. I'm not trying to influence you either way. I just want to make sure that you know exactly what you are dealing with and are thoroughly  informed.

 

If you feel that you are - then we are all fully supportive. If you feel you need more information - then let us know. I just want you to be able to make an informed decision knowing all the facts that are fully available here.

[Flowers]

Thanks for visiting my thread Lillylou. 

 

Hope you are not working too hard this weekend.

 

xxxx Flowers

[DrugfreeProf]

Lillylou, what ever symptoms you are having right now will change over time. In my limited experienced with my daughter, it seems like the physical symptoms you are experiencing now are typical of early withdrawal. They will pass for sure, and hopefully you will not get hit with another wave of different symptoms. Just take it one day at a time and keep reminding yourself that this is withdrawal--it is not you, and there is nothing "wrong" with you that time won't fix. Rest, nutrition, good thoughts, lots of time, and staying present in the moment are what I recommend.

[Frogie]

Hi lillylou:

 

Wanted to stop by and say hi.

 

Hope you are feeling even a little better.

 

Wishing for your recovery. Hang in there.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[lillylou]

Thanks everyone for stopping by! I hope everyone is doing well today

 

Ali- I was thinking about reinstating early on. But I think im going to avoid doing that just because Its not guaranteed to work and I honestly never want to touch the drug again

The good news is that I'm noticing an improvement compared to a couple of weeks ago which is progress. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I want to let my brain heal in its own time I know its not going to be pretty and maybe I'll get more unpleasant symptoms but day by day time will pass and I will heal.

I really do appreciate your advice though, it helps knowing what my options are

 

Drugfreeprof- I read a bit through your daughters post and goodness she has had a tough time. I have experienced similar withdrawals although to a slightly lesser degree. I really do hope she is feeling much better these days

[lillylou]

Today

 

Woke up stressed because this week is exam week! Next sunday my semester will be complete

 

Cried a little today, felt lonely -pesky withdrawal emotions

 

Trying to stay strong I made it through the worst of the semester assignments with respectable marks. Hoping a huge weight is released next Sunday. Then back to work and two weeks school free before second semester starts.

[Frogie]

Today

Woke up stressed because this week is exam week! Next sunday my semester will be complete

Cried a little today, felt lonely -pesky withdrawal emotions

Trying to stay strong I made it through the worst of the semester assignments with respectable marks. Hoping a huge weight is released next Sunday. Then back to work and two weeks school free before second semester starts.

Hi lillylou:

 

I feel lonely and cry, nothing wrong with that. Means you have emotions.

 

Glad you made it through the worst part.

 

Good luck when you go back to school.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Happy2Heal]

 

AliG

Hi Lillylou.  It sounds like you're getting through this for now. The thing that worries me most is that you might get slammed with symptoms at some point in the near future. It's only been 3 .5 months and it can happen anytime from hereon in. I would hate for you to get to the point of "no return" where reinstatement is not possible.

 

You are at the deciding stage where you can either reinstate now or possibly suffer through many months/ years of withdrawal. I'm not trying to influence you either way. I just want to make sure that you know exactly what you are dealing with and are thoroughly  informed.

 

If you feel that you are - then we are all fully supportive. If you feel you need more information - then let us know. I just want you to be able to make an informed decision knowing all the facts that are fully available here.

Thanks everyone for stopping by! I hope everyone is doing well today

 

Ali- I was thinking about reinstating early on. But I think im going to avoid doing that just because Its not guaranteed to work and I honestly never want to touch the drug again

The good news is that I'm noticing an improvement compared to a couple of weeks ago which is progress. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I want to let my brain heal in its own time I know its not going to be pretty and maybe I'll get more unpleasant symptoms but day by day time will pass and I will heal.

I really do appreciate your advice though, it helps knowing what my options are

 

Drugfreeprof- I read a bit through your daughters post and goodness she has had a tough time. I have experienced similar withdrawals although to a slightly lesser degree. I really do hope she is feeling much better these days

 

 

I just want to add my 2 cents here regarding reinstatement.

 

I did a too fast taper (from 20 or 30 mgs to 2.5mgs in about 5-6 mos) and was hit with severe insomnia, rages, etc. It was then that I found this forum and learned about how to do a proper taper.

Since I'd already gone too quickly, I decided to hold at 2.5mgs for a long while, and was doing ok with that, but after about 5 or so months of holding, I ended up thinking I was doing fine and jumped off at 2.5mgs

 

I had a rough few months, but tolerable, however about 3 mos after jumping off at 2.5mgs, things started to get bad, and then, I got slammed, really really slammed!!

I went thru an extremely hard time, acute severe WD symptoms daily for well over 2 mos, and am just now recovering from that. and that's probably ONLY because I reinstated.

 

 

I'd been off lexapro completely for approx 5 mos when I reinstated.  I was lucky, it worked, it helped, even though it was past the usual cut off for when reinstatement has the best chance of helping.

 

I shudder to think where I'd be, if I hadn't reinstated when I did.

 

 

I also did something that few others here have done, I reinstated at a VERY TINY dose. Instead of the 1mg dose that is normally suggested, I started back at 1/20 of a mg. yes, that is not a mistake. A tiny bit!!

I did have to go up from that over the course of about 2 weeks, finally settling on 0.3mgs per day (it was in divided doses, 0.15 in the morning 0.15 at night, but I just recently switched to a single dose of the 0.3mgs)

 

I had two and half months of utter terror and sheer hell, to be honest. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I had trouble breathing, I was terrified of everything, I had intense depersonalization and derealization, body temps all over the place, couldn't smell anything, severe ringing in my ears, or I couldn't hear at all, seriously, you name it, I had it. Over 43 symptoms and all of them were severe.

 

I don't want to scare you, but I do want you to know that I too, thought that I was over the worst of WD way back when I jumped off at 2.5mgs

I thought I'd seen the worst that it could be, and that I was in the clear.

I didn't heed the warnings of others here, who know more and have seen more of what can happen to ppl who jump off like I did.

 

Lexapro is one of the strongest SSRIs, if not the strongest, and unfortunately, the withdrawal gets WORSE at the lower doses, not easier.

This is so unfair, but it's been seen over and over again.

 

I admit, I was on this drug a LOT longer than you were, and also went up and down in the dose, several times, as well as at least one, maybe two other CTs.

I don't know if this affects the severity of WD or not.

To be honest, from the threads I am following here, you don't need to be on lexapro for very long at all, to have some pretty intense WD

 

I just want you to hear it from someone who has been there/done that, that what you are experiencing now, may just be the tip of the ice burg, so to speak.

 

a little ways down the road, things could potentially get much worse.

 

If you do consider reinstating, you do NOT have to go all the way up to 1 mg or more, you can do what I've done, and just use a tiny bit.

I have the liquid, thank goodness, and can draw up this time amnt with a 1ml syringe.

 

it seems like I'm taking almost nothing, the dose is so small, lol but believe me when I say this, lexapro is a STRONG med, and this tiny bit that I am taking made an IMMEDIATE change to m WD symptoms, I got some relief immediately.

it wasn't a lot, but it was something, and it was enough for me to know that reinstatement was the right choice for me.

 

Every single day, since then, at least one thing has improved.

I am now somewhat stable on the 0.3mgs and am HOLDING at this dose for a long time (due to the fact that I have a very very long drug history and therefore a very destabilized CNS)

 

 I hope, for your sake, that things only continue to get better for you.

but you could potentially save yourself from several months or more of some serious suffering by doing a tiny reinstatement now.

 

during my first CT from lexapro, I had the same symptoms you've had, but then the anxiety hit, and I went back on it at a full dose, too terrified to live without it.

It was years before I decided to try to taper off again, but still did not know that I needed to go much slower, and again, the symptoms of WD were so bad I went back up on the dose (never got fully off it the second time)

 

This time, I'm going to go a whole lot slower and try to reduce the amnt that I suffer. I've already put myself thru a LOT of unnecessary suffering due to jumping off at 2.5mgs. (as well as going too fast in the beginning)

 

again, not trying to scare you, just hoping I can help someone else avoid the hell I went thru.

 

if you are up for it, take a look at my thread, esp back in Sept -Oct of 2016

 

you'll see, I thought I was doing just fine before that!!

I too, wanted this "poison" out of my body, but now, I know it's not that easy.

 

I will keep you in my thoughts

[lillylou]

I cant help but be terrified thinking of this getting worse is terrifying. I feel the whole situation is a catch 22. I just want to make it through my exams and see how I feel before I make a decision as this week is pretty stressful

 

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to inform me about reinstatement. Maybe this is naive of me but i keep thinking im young, ive only been on this medication for three years, and im experiencing windows. Its the only thought process that is keeping me sane through all of this.

[Happy2Heal]

I cant help but be terrified thinking of this getting worse is terrifying. I feel the whole situation is a catch 22. I just want to make it through my exams and see how I feel before I make a decision as this week is pretty stressful

 

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to inform me about reinstatement. Maybe this is naive of me but i keep thinking im young, ive only been on this medication for three years, and im experiencing windows. Its the only thought process that is keeping me sane through all of this.

 

 

I didn't want to terrify you, I'm sorry. 

I imagine your young age is in your favor, for sure, and possibly the relatively short period of time that you were on the drug.

 

what troubles me is the symptoms you're having, they are very typical for those of us who *do* end up some more serious stuff later on.

Things seem to be going fairly well, you think. Sure, there's symptoms that are rough but not so bad you think you can't handle it, and then, a few months down the road, you are hit with something you honestly can't even imagine unless you've been thru it.

 

I am one of the lucky ones, reinstatement has worked for me.

I pray you never get the really bad stuff like I did, I pray for that so much, but if you do, I will also pray that reinstating will help you too, as it did for me.

I am so thankful that I was able to pull out of it with this low dose I'm on.

But with the benefit of hindsight, I would have been SOOOO much better off not going as fast as I did (and as you did) and if I'd reinstated at a lower dose, at least, back last May when I jumped off at 2.5mgs

 

I have some serious regrets. :/

[lillylou]

Im curious are there others on this board that have chosen not to reinstate? And how are they doing? Any success stories with someone that has been taking ssris for around 3 years with a fast taper?

[lillylou]

I know its situational and healing times are different for everyone but im just curious

[lillylou]

Update mostly positive post!!!

 

Just finished my four exams, yesss first semester is over!!! now what my marks will be who knows but I survived

 

I feel pretty great compared to a couple of weeks ago. Big window dispite the stress of exams

 

symptoms of past week

Nausea/vomiting before exams- i was pretty stressed though and after i wrote each exam i regained hunger lol

 

Heavy chest feeling at night making it difficult to fall asleep. But once asleep i would fall asleep until morning

 

Other than that i cant really think of any other symptoms. I know it might not last(another wave will come) but i really feel recovery now

[Flowers]

Just stopped by to see how you are doing and it's lovely to see you made it ! Well done!

 

Hope this window lasts a long while for you.

 

xxxx

[lillylou]

I hope so too flowers! Ill keep updating my progress

[Frogie]

That's awesome lillylou!

 

I knew you could do it.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[lillylou]

Thanks frogie!!

 

Question: I bought hair vitamins im wondering if any of these ingredients would affect my withdrawal. The brand is sisu skin hair and nails

 

Medicinal ingredients

Hyaluronic acid(sodium hyaluronate

Zinc

Biotin

Selenium (selenium HVP chelate)

Horsetail (equisetum arverse, herb)

Lycopene

 

Non medicinal ingredients

Microcrystaline cellulose

Magnesium stearate (vetegable)

Silicon dioxide

Dextrin

 

 

I want to be sure before i start them!

[Frogie]

Thanks frogie!!

Question: I bought hair vitamins im wondering if any of these ingredients would affect my withdrawal. The brand is sisu skin hair and nails

Medicinal ingredients

Hyaluronic acid(sodium hyaluronate

Zinc

Biotin

Selenium (selenium HVP chelate)

Horsetail (equisetum arverse, herb)

Lycopene

Non medicinal ingredients

Microcrystaline cellulose

Magnesium stearate (vetegable)

Silicon dioxide

Dextrin

I want to be sure before i start them!

Hi lillylou:

 

I don't know anything about vitamins except I can't take a lot of them because they overstimulate me.

 

You might ask a mod.

 

I would try one of those shampoos that are supposed to help grow hair back before I tried vitamins, but that's just my opinion.

 

Sorry I couldn't help.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[lillylou]

Update:

 

I've spent a week back at work , start my next school semester In Feb. I'm going through another wave not as bad as the first one when I posted but its getting me a bit down. Nausea in the morning, depression, anxiety about things that havent caused me anxiety before. The difference is I can still go to work and do things where before i couldnt leave my apartment.

I watched a documentary yesterday (the minimalists) and there was someone talking about stress/anxiety and questioning when you are in a stressful situation if it is useful or not. Useful in the sense that is the outcome of damage really something to be concerned about. Im going to try and implement this.

 

I had a lovely friday and saturday with my significant other, but he had to work today and next week is really busy. We've just been so busy with work and school schedules that we havent properly seen eachother, and because of neuro emotions it makes the lonliness feel worse.

 

My dad called me yesterday catching up and asked me if i was happy, I said yes but it was a lie, I cant be entirely happy going through this everyday even if its to a lesser degree, I have happy moments but they fade.

 

I've now hit four months post medication, I hope to see more improvement I want my old self back

[lillylou]

Im supposed to be getting my period next week I am experiencing some mild cramping im super weepy today. I had my period during christmas too(bad wave). is it possible that my hormones are amplifying my wd symptoms?