peggy: 13 years of Effexor

[basildev]

Hey Peggy,

 

I'm so sorry you're in a bad way.

 

If you are going to go up maybe 27 would be a good starting point. Going up too far could leave you feeling more confused as to what to do.

 

I wish I had gone back up to just 15 mg instead of panicking and going up to the full 20 because now I can't tell if I'm withdrawing or overstimulated.

 

I recently posted a thread asking about other experiences with updosing and I learnt two things:

 

1) not everybody stabilizes in the same amount of time;

2) not everybody who has done multiple tapers and subsequent updoses has taken the same time each time to stabilize (in your case, 4 weeks)

 

In particular, our friend Strawberry mentioned that she has updosed many times and the amount of time taken to stabilize each time varied greatly from one instance to another.

 

I think if you feel the need to updose you should do it, even if it's to get a little peace of mind in preparation for your future work commitments.

 

I wish I could say something else that would make you feel better.

 

I am thinking of you x

[tezza]

Hi Peggy,

 

I reinstated from CT after two weeks at the dose I'd left off. It took me at least six months to stabilize but I started tapering again after reinstating (as soon as I would see the slightest improvement). I haven't experienced any sensitivities yet either and my CNS was very unhappy for a LONG time.

 

I've wondered what causes the sensitivities as well. Maybe it's just individual differences. I hope and pray you feel better soon!

 

Lots of love and hugs,

Tezza

[peggy]

well, last night i felt like i had no sleep, but i must have because i went to bed at 9pm, checked the iphone at 12:25, 2 and 3:50 - i hate doing that but couldn't help it. I was surprised that it was that time - so maybe i dozed. I had no dreaming sleep though. I took Lactium and melotonin...

 

this morning i feel raw and still very anxious - no more than yesterday but definitely no less. I am fighting not going back to 37.5mg. I was hoping to avoid these kind of feelings by going slow

 

How does one get through the next two weeks of 12 hour work days feeling like this?

[Altostrata]

Perhaps you're starting to stabilize.

[peggy]

why do you say that Alto?

[Altostrata]

Because you slept a bit?

[peggy]

I had the worst sleep, I probably slept a bit but way less than usual ..

[Altostrata]

Sorry, I thought you were having a period of no sleep....

[peggy]

i really feel the effects of the lactium during the day - i took one at bedtime and then another in the middle of the night. I also took one when i got up this morning as the bottle says you can take 2 capsules twice a day. I .definitely feel it reduces my anxiety - it does cause me to feel a bit groggy but that could be because i had so little sleep last night.

 

I lay down at 10am for a bit and dozed for an hour - could have probably slept longer but someone disturbed me.

 

I must say i am feeling very, very down. I told my husband i don't want to do this expo we are supposed to leave for tomorrow. It means we will loose about $10K we have paid to go...but the way i feel i just don't think i can do it. There is no one else to go - it is a 12 hour drive down and then we have a big set up, the 14 day show, then pack up and drive home. It all feels surreal. We have been packing the car and he has been asking me questions and all the time i am thinking we are not going.

[basildev]

Gosh Peggy,

 

that's awful. But you are ILL, and you need to listen to your body and not force yourself too much.

 

I mean if you had a stomach bug you'd probably cancel the trip. Just because it's withdrawal doesn't make it any less valid.

 

Can your husband get somebody else to help?

 

I wouldn't want to see you push yourself too far. You're so fragile and your symptoms are debilitating.

[peggy]

husband can't do it on his own and i don't really know anyone who can help - esp as that would be another wage to pay. When i feel fragile like this i don't want him to be gone overnight - then i really lose the plot..

 

Basil, the expo is the Royal Easter Show... I should never have applied to go, i sort of had a bit of a bad feeling about it right from the start, sort of excited but also a bit dreading it. Now it is all just dread - you can't come in late and you can't leave early

[basildev]

Wow Peggy,

 

that's a lot of pressure for someone in your condition.

 

Would your husband understand if you pulled out?

 

Do you absolutely 'need' to do it?

 

It sounds like intuitively you knew all along it wasn't a good idea. Our subconscious is good at telling us things in advance.

 

I think if you can manage it you should stay put and heal. Like I said before, you're not well. No point going to the Expo and then ending up in even worse condition emotionally (and physically) that you were before.

[peggy]

good news,

 

one of the girls that works in one of my retail shops is going to go - she is fantastic and will drive down set up and do the show until i feel better - and if i don't then she will do the whole show and then drive home. It just means i have to work the shop - which i don't feel like doing either but my husband could go a couple of days if i can't and i might be able to rope someone else in to do the occasional day - i usually work the weekend days.

 

phew, by the time i pay the extra wages etc i probably won't make any money - but i won't loose as much.

[basildev]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

 

I knew you'd find a way.

 

mwah xxx

[strawberry17]

Peggy what a horrible predicament, but I think you're right NOT to go, you're really not well, and if you had flu it would be the same, you wouldn't be able to go (((hugs)))

[areyouthere]

ahhhhh Peggy! This must be a huge weight off of your shoulders.... hope that you and your brain-organ can get some relief/rest!!

 

RU

[caro123]

Hi Peggy, I have just caught up on your posts. So sorry to read of your struggles. You are in my thoughts !!! I hope things improve for you soon. Am glad you sorted out not going to the Easter show. Take care, be gentle and kind to yourself. especially be kind to yourself.

[Altostrata]

Very relieved the pressure is off you, peggy. How did this affect your symptoms?

[tezza]

So glad you don't have to do the show!!!

 

{{{HUGS}}}

[peggy]

Thanks everyone.

I had momentary relief from my anxiety... Last night I still didn't sleep well. I was soooo tired from the night before that I thought it wouldn't be a problem. But I got really anxious about not sleeping again as I kept thinking how much more tired I would be and that didn't help. I ended up taking melatonin twice

 

Feeling flat and still anxious this morning. Yesterday morning before we had organized not to go I updosed back to 37.5 mg.. So now I feel defeated. Don't know if it would hurt me to go back to 27 today or keep on with the 37.5. I was just hoping for faster stabilization.

[Altostrata]

No need to feel defeated, and no need to defeat yourself by going all the way back to square one!

 

Rather than updosing all the way to 37.5mg, I'd go up maybe only a milligram or two.

 

You can make this adjustment next dose.

[peggy]

but Alto, I did it yesterday!

 

square one was 75, so i feel like i went back half way - what square is that? silly maybe, but i was desperate and i am very impulsive when i am desperate. I didn't have confidence going up a little bit - going from 14 - 18 didn't work over 26 days - and i didn't want it to drag on and on by going up bit by bit. I sort of felt confident that if i went to 37.5 i would be OK, but of course today i am feeling guilty and unsure - what if 27 would have been enough... AND, it adds another 10 months on to the other end of the taper...

 

However, the way i am feeling at the moment i am unsure if i want to taper again for a while. I need to give myself a rest from having withdrawals. I wish we really knew what was going on at the neuronal level - it's all pretty subjective really - a theory that works for some, doesn't work for others. Some people get sensitive after withdrawal, some don't. Does that indicate a difference in the resilience of our systems?

[Altostrata]

Right, you've taken one dose of 37.5mg, you can still adjust to (would it be?) 20mg instead.

 

The idea is to go back to the last place you were stable, or approximately the last place.

[strawberry17]

Peggy as you know I've been going through EXACTLY the same things as you recently, but I just want to give you a little hope, I haven't put it on my thread yet,as I want to give it a bit more time, but I've had to updose as you know this week, a little bit, 0.3ml and this time it really does seem to be working already. Hopefully you will land on the right dose to clear it as well.

[basildev]

How are you feeling today Peggy?

[peggy]

not great...

 

been ruminating a bit about whether i will ever get off... husband thinks i should go back up to 75mg and stay there indefinitely - i see his logic - i was stable every day...the only bumps i have had are when i have tried to come off - but i worry about the long term implications about being on a drug that was only designed for short term use.

[basildev]

I feel exactly the same way Peggy.

 

On 20mg cipramil I was functional and happy. Slept 10 hours a day (now...I WISH!!!) which bothered me slightly, but I'd always needed a lot of sleep anyway.

 

But I also worry too about the long term effects, which is why I began this journey

 

It is a very personal decision. As Gia writes in her blog, it is a very personal decision to come off meds and not everybody is able to do it, nor should everybody be pushed into doing it or feel judged by others if they choose to stay on the meds.

 

You have to do what's right for YOU in the long run.

 

 

Still I think you're going to have to give this particular updose time to kick in before you decide the next course of action.

 

Like you, I wish I had never stayed on the meds long-term. Hindsight is a wonderful thing....

[tezza]

I've thought about reinstating and staying on, too, Peggy. Then, I think about the harmful side effects and realize I can't do that. We are between a rock and a hard place. God help us all!

 

I sincerely feel for you, from the depths of my heart. It honestly makes me sad to know my best friends are hurting. IMHO, there is no justification in what has been done to us.

 

Love,

Tezza

[strawberry17]

Feeling for you as well Peggy, seems I spoke too soon yesterday as well and feel back to square one today. It's all a bit crap isn't it?

[laineyk]

Peggy!!!!!! why oh why have I never replied to this post? you have encouraged me so many times and I have been so selfish sucking in all the encouragment & never giving it back. Please forgive me.

 

I see how you feel and when you describe your feelings that is exactly how I feel. Today I felt less anxious but such MALAISE, which makes me anxious?!?

 

I am glad you were able to get out of that commitmenr...let me tell you something sister, you are alot more courageous then I, I havent worked since December. So give your self to big pats on the back and a "thatagirl" from me.

 

I too am struggling whether or not to ever come off if/when I stabilize....This is not living

 

do you find that certain things are WAYYYYYYY to stimulating for your brain? ie. stupid games on FB, sometimes get me all wired and on edge, my mind is so fargile right now.

 

So Peggy I will hold you up in prayer and be your "pity partner" if you'll be mine. Lets beat this and have a testimony for all.

 

Blessings, Lainey

[caro123]

Hay Peggy,

 

Just letting you know that I to have been struggling. I have stayed on 37.5mg for 6mths and still dont feel able to reduce further at the moment.

 

Its really hard; but think how long we have been on this rotton drug. When you think about that any reduction is a good thing. Its a personal thing if you go up or not; its a question full of anquish?

 

I too have been questioning whether to updose bot I figure that I am trying to hang in, but refuse (despite the pressure from my husband) to decrease until I feel confident. Thanks to you and everyone who shares I know that its important to be careful - even when you are being careful - there are no guarantees with this drug. Its hard to pause but don't give up think about pausing.

 

It wasn't necessarily difficult to get to 37.5 but I rushed it and I wonder if thats why I feel wobbly. Its different for everyone as well as life stress has to play its part. You have been going thru a lot lately so its ok to wobble. You have encouraged and informed us so much am really greatful.

 

I just realised that I stoped taking Progesterone and Testosterone bio identical creme about the same time I started to wobble and have just restarted, I hope that works? Dont know will let you know if I feel better.

 

Am thinking of you.!!!

[peggy]

Thank you Lainey!

your post made me smile

 

Caro, I am really bummed.

 

I ended up caving and went back to 75 yesterday My anxiety has been through the roof. I suspect that the stress of all the dose inaccuracies at the end of last year and the beginning of this year, plus the extra stress from my business - we have not stopped working really since mid November. I usually thrive on working hard as long as i feel good. The last few times i have had to updose have been trouble free - albeit probably more than i needed to go, but this time i have been farting around since early February. I am tired of feeling like this if i don't have to and petrified of doing my nervous system any more damage. I feel very vulnerable and fragile, my coping systems go out the window. This afternoon i was doing some gentle sewing with the TV on and i watched several Indian and Nepalese families going through stressful real tragedies and i felt ashamed at my feelings in the face of my social privelege.

 

The withdrawal feelings in early Feb were rather mild, but they have gotten progressively worse. I am unsure what i am going to do once i have finished licking my wounds.

 

Blessings to us all xxx

[basildev]

Blessings to you too Peggy.

 

It's so hard to know what to do when the symptoms are unbearable. We just want to fix it as fast as possible.

 

I keep looking for a supplement, a technique, anything that will make it all go away so I can just sleep again and feel normal.

 

But there's nothing I can do except wait it out. I completely understand your decision to reinstate.

 

I hope you feel better soon xx

[caro123]

Peggy,

 

Its completely understandable! You can only do what you think is best for you and only you know what that is. Our life is full of stessors - thats life it doesnt stop when we are trying to reduce the drug out of our life. Do not feel you have failed because of the choice to updose - only you have to walk in your shoes; noone else!! I completely understand that feeling ok and being able to function is what is important not what dose you are on. It is what it is and we can only do what we can do at the time.

 

You are an amazing person and have helped us all with your kind words and insights don't forget that. Dont let the negative thoughts pull you down. Take it one step at a time. Thinking of you. (sending you hugs).

 

Caroline.

[Altostrata]

peggy, I hope 75mg works well for you.

 

I'm sad because you might have been fine at a much lower dosage; your nervous system has done some accommodating during your taper. As you've only taken one dose, it's not too late to take less tomorrow.

[laineyk]

keep holding on Peggy!!!!! There HAS to be an end to this sometime