SSRIamNot: Intro - Zoloft be gone - rage be here

[ChessieCat]

The main thing is to try not to panic.  Because of the once off 100mg dose, it may take 2-3 weeks to figure out if 5mg is a suitable reinstatement dose.

[SSRIamNot]

Ok, like the guide says - Don't panic.  Gotcha.
I'll keep logging.

Getting concerned.  I have a vacation scheduled for November to Thailand.  I am considering canceling at this point.  Not sure It would be a good idea.  And the stress of going is adding to my anxiety.

 

[ChessieCat]

24 minutes ago, SSRIamNot said:

I have a vacation scheduled for November to Thailand.  I am considering canceling at this point.

 

If you can go at some other time it may be a good idea to postpone until you are more stable.  At least that way you can enjoy the vacation without having the added stress of WD and the stress adding to the WD.

[SSRIamNot]

So I canceled the vacation.

I was lucky enough that I only lost about $250 on the deal.

But I'm bummed that I won't get to see my friends.

But in reality, vacationing in Thailand involves quite  a bit of drinking, which is not something I need to be doing right now.  So I'm sad at missing my friends, but confident that I'm doing the right thing to take care of myself.

In the meantime, back to work today.  Was barely functioning.  Anger, sluggishness, zero focus. 
If this doesn't pass soon, going to be problems at work.

 

 

[SSRIamNot]

I am afraid.

 

I am afraid that this angry, raging, irritable, intolerant monster of a person that I am right now is the "real" me.

 

I don't like that feeling.

 

Missed yet another day of work today.

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Are you keeping daily notes of your symptoms?  Have you noticed any improvement, even very minor?

[SSRIamNot]

some days I've noticed improvement in non-mood related things - headaches, some days have been better on fatigue.  

 

the anger/irritability may be slightly better too but it is episodic - and unpredictable, I can be fine for a while but when the clouds come - it is scary.

 

Also, Monday was just a bad day in general - would have given anybody a bad mood - for me it just triggered the hell.  Backed into a tree and knocked passenger mirror off car in the morning.  At night got a letter from insurance saying they turned down my appeal and so I owe $800 that I don't think is right for me to owe - I refiled for an external review.  

Kind of goes up and down.

 

I feel better today for having rested all day.  But that, of course, is not a long term solution.

 

We'll see how the rest of the week goes.  Hopefully I can get good sleep tonight and tomorrow night.  That seems to be a cornerstone.

 

 

 

[SSRIamNot]

So this seems to be under the "waves & windows" kind of idea - but I wanted to ask.

 

My irritability is now no longer constantly present - however, my fuse is still very short.  

What I am experiencing now feels like chronic fatigue - and aches - low level feverish - all the time.  I may have been like this for a while, just not as aware since the anger was overwhelming everything else.  But for at least 5-7 days now I am just feeling beat.  Like I want to sleep all day - everything hurts.  - low focus and low interest in work at all.  

Part of the process I assume.  Tolerable today - but, man, every day without a break it gets harder to even find a positive outlook.

 

[SSRIamNot]

ok
Going on 3 weeks now

I am finding my symptoms not tolerable

What would be my next up dose?

 

 

[ChessieCat]

You could try taking an additional 0.5mg or 1mg.  It is better to make a small increase and keep notes than to panic and take too much which might destabilise your CNS.

[SSRIamNot]

Thanks.  It's almost like you've dealt with this before   Yes, I was in panic mode today and the thought of going to like 25 or something was tempting.  But I know that it is best not to make big decisions in weak moments, so I was determined to wait it out to hear from a calmer voice.

 

1mg it will be then - starting tomorrow (and I shall update my sig). 

 

Along with some diet changes to get rid of the processed sugar I have been succumbing to.  I feel so bad for so long that I desire anything that can  help me feel better even for a short time - so I go to sugar.  And I gain weight, and I feel worse and the the devil's cycle continues. (metaphorically - I'm not actually blaming demonic influence here - agnostic on that point)

And I'm off for the next 3 days - and with the cold weather rolling in - I think the hot tub will be calling my name.  Hopefully I can relax and get through the sugar withdrawals without too much problem. 

 

Thanks again ChessieCat for your patience with me and your clear headed experienced voice.

Wish me luck, and for those that pray and are so inclined, I covet those prayers as well.  (Positive thoughts, sending energy, however you phrase it/do it - I can use it!)

 

I want to get to a point where it is possible for me to actually have a good day.  Maybe even 2 in a row.  and ultimately to be able to be of help to others in this group rather than a leech of energy.
 

[ChessieCat]

19 minutes ago, SSRIamNot said:

It's almost like you've dealt with this before

 

I had to make a decision about whether to updose 3 days ago.  We I got up in the morning I was experiencing a strange feeling in my shoulders which felt like it might have been zaps.  Because I was coming to the end of 2 x 3 week holds (but only reducing by >5% each time) of questioned whether it truly was a withdrawal symptom.  I nearly panicked because I was going to work and was worried that if it continued and was withdrawal then I wouldn't be able to updose until I got home.  Thankfully I had a light bulb moment and had the brilliant idea of taking a 1mg capsule with me.  As it was the feeling went and didn't reappear so I didn't updose, but I could have so easily panicked and taken the 1mg straight away.  And today I have made my next reduction!  Earlier in my taper I probably would have.  It could have been so different if I had acted immediately without thinking it through.  And if I had taken it straight away and it had gone away anyway, I would have thought it was WD when it wasn't.

 

23 minutes ago, SSRIamNot said:

Along with some diet changes to get rid of the processed sugar I have been succumbing to.  I feel so bad for so long that I desire anything that can  help me feel better even for a short time - so I go to sugar. 

 

I have gone off sugar in the past and did experience withdrawal from it.  One thing that I saw recently when I was researching cortisol and how it affects us is that when cortisol increases so does adrenaline and the adrenaline affects our blood sugar levels which in turn can make us crave sugar.

 

You might want to consider eating fruit to help you get through the sugar withdrawal.  I read something that another member posted that the sugar in fruit is processed differently by the body than refined sugar.  And of course, you don't want to stress your body too much because it may increase your AD WD symptoms.

 

28 minutes ago, SSRIamNot said:

Thanks again ChessieCat for your patience with me and your clear headed experienced voice.

 

You are very welcome.  I'm pleased that I was able to help.  That's one of the reasons this site is so valuable.  Being able to brain storm with another person who understands makes a very big difference.

[SSRIamNot]

8 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

You might want to consider eating fruit to help you get through the sugar withdrawal.  I read something that another member posted that the sugar in fruit is processed differently by the body than refined sugar.  And of course, you don't want to stress your body too much because it may increase your AD WD symptoms.

Exactly the approach I was going to take.  I am doing an "organic reboot" I learned about from Thomas DeLauer - it is a low gluten organic food with lots of the kinds of foods I see on YouTube for helping antidepressant withdrawal.  It is built on the foundation of berries and vegetables with organic protein and some good anti-inflammatory spices.

As for the dosage - given the time of year and traveling for Christmas and some family time back east, I've decided to go with 12.5mg Zoloft.  The smallest tablets I can get are 25mg and they are scored - so 12.5 is a dose I can easily take with me without having to travel with jars and my syringe for getting to a 10mg dose.  And at this point, I don't mind the extra time in taper that will cause me.  After suffering these last three weeks, I think you all have been right.  I tapered way too fast.  I hope this dose gets me back to having some sunlight in my life as I adjust and stabilize. And as this is basically the first of November, I'm shooting for staying here the rest of the year if it works out.  Then after Jan 1, I'll look at the next taper.  Till then, one day at a time.

Wish me luck.

 

[Madeleine]

On 2017-10-26 at 5:57 PM, SSRIamNot said:

Thanks.  It's almost like you've dealt with this before   Yes, I was in panic mode today and the thought of going to like 25 or something was tempting.  But I know that it is best not to make big decisions in weak moments, so I was determined to wait it out to hear from a calmer voice.

 

1mg it will be then - starting tomorrow (and I shall update my sig). 

 

Along with some diet changes to get rid of the processed sugar I have been succumbing to.  I feel so bad for so long that I desire anything that can  help me feel better even for a short time - so I go to sugar.  And I gain weight, and I feel worse and the the devil's cycle continues. (metaphorically - I'm not actually blaming demonic influence here - agnostic on that point)

And I'm off for the next 3 days - and with the cold weather rolling in - I think the hot tub will be calling my name.  Hopefully I can relax and get through the sugar withdrawals without too much problem. 

 

Thanks again ChessieCat for your patience with me and your clear headed experienced voice.

Wish me luck, and for those that pray and are so inclined, I covet those prayers as well.  (Positive thoughts, sending energy, however you phrase it/do it - I can use it!)

 

I want to get to a point where it is possible for me to actually have a good day.  Maybe even 2 in a row.  and ultimately to be able to be of help to others in this group rather than a leech of energy.
 

 

I will pray for you.... I'm tapering Zoloft too so know what you are going through. 

Sending you positive thoughts, 

M.

[Ali4]

Waves and windows are going to happen, when the windows are there we feel great, when we have a wave it sucks, I’ve been there and feel for you. Don’t worry one day at a time slow and steady, I hope you feel better soon and welcome to SA. Ali