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Rachellynn

Rachellynn: Prozac & Remeron support :)

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Rachellynn

I was put on Prozac in high school - to help with childhood trauma. Anyhow, it didn’t help. And by the time i got off the Prozac (and Dr’s told me that with Prozac you don’t need to taper - long half life and all that) well, i jumped off. I got sick about 6 months later - unbearable panic, digestive issues, agoraphobia, etc... they told me i needed the Prozac, so gave me Prozac and sent me home. Again i tried to go off - same thing. Next i was put on a higher dose. I just accepted that i had to be on Prozac for the rest of my life. Then i got pregnant. Scared, i got off the Prozac - the pregnancy didn’t work out sadly and i just stayed off the meds - i finally went to trauma therapy for my childhood instead. But slowly my body started breaking down again. This time with unimaginable symptoms. I was bed ridden for about a year when i finally went on a low dose of remeron. I was on 15 mg for about 6 months and am on 7.5 now. I still have a lot of symptoms. Food reactions, asthma and constipation being the worst. Thank god im still relatively young but man my CNS is exhausted. I was doing well for awhile, going to yoga and eating really well and then i was pressured to make lots of money and maybe move out of my family home. Well i can’t. And i don’t know who to turn to since western medicine drs think this has all been “in my head” and integrative drs know nothing about antidepressants. I need some hope and support right now and i look forward to the day that i can live free from this nightmare and heal my CNS. Where should i start? Thank you all❤️

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Rachellynn

In my impatience to be done with Antidepressants, i went down from 15mg to 7.5mg of remeron about 6 months ago. I thought it might be causing me constipation to the point of daily enemas but I’m not sure my overall dryness/dehydration is caused by the new AD (remeron) - i think it’s more the effects of the Prozac cold turkey.

 

anyhow, my question is - since I’m not stable with my health as it relates to AD’s - should i go up on the remeron or add Prozac back to try and stabilize and from there taper back down (once stable) OR should i just stay at 7.5mg remeron and deal with it all (do yoga, bodywork, eat right, etc...)? 

 

Symptoms: dehydration and dryness (despite drinking plenty of water), constipation, intermittent insomnia, asthma, lymph not moving properly.

 

Thanks for for the advice!!!

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Rachellynn

I was put on Prozac in high school - to help with childhood trauma. Anyhow, it didn’t help. And by the time i got off the Prozac (and Dr’s told me that with Prozac you don’t need to taper - long half life and all that) well, i jumped off. I got sick about 6 months later - unbearable panic, digestive issues, agoraphobia, etc... they told me i needed the Prozac, so gave me Prozac and sent me home. Again i tried to go off - same thing. Next i was put on a higher dose. I just accepted that i had to be on Prozac for the rest of my life. Then i got pregnant. Scared, i got off the Prozac - the pregnancy didn’t work out sadly and i just stayed off the meds - i finally went to trauma therapy for my childhood instead. But slowly my body started breaking down again. This time with unimaginable symptoms. I was bed ridden for about a year when i finally went on a low dose of remeron. I was on 15 mg for about 6 months and am on 7.5 now. I still have a lot of symptoms. Food reactions, asthma and constipation being the worst. Thank god im still relatively young but man my CNS is exhausted. I was doing well for awhile, going to yoga and eating really well and then i was pressured to make lots of money and maybe move out of my family home. Well i can’t. And i don’t know who to turn to since western medicine drs think this has all been “in my head” and integrative drs know nothing about antidepressants. I need some hope and support right now and i look forward to the day that i can live free from this nightmare and heal my CNS. Where should i start? Thank you all❤️

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Rachellynn

I’ve been told my whole life that Prozac doesn’t have withdrawal because it has a long half life. Well, i did get sick from going off Prozac THREE times but i didn’t relate it to going off the drug because 1. I was told there were no side effects and 2. I would get sick 3-6 months to a year after stopping the drug. I was told that “I need” the drug even though i never had anxiety or true depression before trying to stop it. Sure i was an angsty teen and dealt with some childhood trauma but i needed love and support not a drug.

 

ugh. Anyhow, I’ve been dealing with hypersensitivity (got railroaded by Mold in my home - not sure how much that contributed to my Illness but being hypersensitive, it did not help).

 

its been three years since i became bed ridden due to WD symptoms and living in mold. I didn’t want to go back on AD’s because i knew my problems were physical and not “all in my head” as everyone suggested. Eventually i begged and got a lung function test: 50% after having run a half marathon a few months earlier. I had started getting chest pains and anxiety before i went down and i tried to take it easy but i couldn’t stop what was coming.

 

i had every symptom on the book all at once and my family told me that of what i was saying were true that I’d be dead so instead they rolled their eyes and chalked it up to mental illness. I found no support or compassion from family or Doctors. 

 

After many admitences to hospitals a psychiatrist put me on remeron, started to work immediately. Even my lung function came back but as i went from 15mg to 30mg to 45mg it stopped working. I became crippled again. Years later i was on the brink of death having lost 25 pounds, i was 5’10 and 110 Ibs. I asked for remeron and stayed on 15mg - somehow was able to sleep, gain weight and start functioning again. My tremors have subsided a bit and my vagus nerve function is coming back. By this time, i realized it was the AD’s - or lackthereof once I’d started that was responsible for my “mental illness” - damn my family for putting me on those at 17. I’m now 37 and have lost so many years to suffering and FOR WHAT? I have childhood trauma and this made it 1 million times worse. Why are these drugs not illegal? 

 

Anyhow, it’s been four years since my Prozac cold turkey and I’ve been on 7.5mg remeron for 6 months maybe longer. I still am sensitive and have major visual disturbances. Glasses don’t work for me, when i take them off i get sick. I feel cross eyed and the world appears too big. Anyone else experience this? My craniosacral practitioner thinks that if i can get my eyes working better together that my symptoms will improve but man, i am even sensitive to glasses!!! Imagine that. 

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Altostrata

Welcome, Rachellynn.

 

I am sorry you've been caught up in this from such a young age. When did you go off Prozac? What does the Remeron do for you?

 

Do your symptoms follow any daily pattern?  Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages. Use a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

 

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Rachellynn

Sorry for stalking you guys. I was so sad!! I went off Prozac for the third time February 2014 and got really really “sick” in February 2015. I was on 40mg and went down to 20mg and cold turkey-ed. 

 

They tried giving me 10mg Prozac but it made me feel crazier. I thought it was something physical because of the asthma. I had just run a half marathon, gone to Costa Rica for a yoga retreat and found a bit of mold in my home so i was on a wild goose chase. 

 

Remeron (only at 15mg) almost seemed to work as an antihistamine and helped reduce some sensitivities. I have “asthma” but not recognized by western medicine, they never hear anything in my lunges so they deny it even though my lung function was 50%.

 

im just hypersensitive to everything, food especially. I have improved a lot but basically i cannot have a bowel movement now, I’ve got a congested lymphatic system and my left lung is also congested. The left side of my body is super sensitive and my right is a lot better. 

 

Ugh. It’s A LOT. 

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Altostrata

As this site is staffed by volunteers who are not around 24 hours a day, it can take some time before you get a staff response to your posts. Please don't take it personally.

 

Going on and off psychiatric drugs and having adverse reactions to them causes the nervous system to become hypersensitive to drugs, supplements, and even foods. Treat it gently -- don't stress it with the stuff to which it reacts badly -- and it will calm down.

 

What time of day do you take Remeron? What do you mean, it acts as an antihistamine? How's your sleep?

 

What is the body sensitivity? Do you have body pain? Are you sensitive to light? How do you feel after strenuous exercise?

 

48 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

 

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Rachellynn

I take remeron at night, before bed to sleep. Im usually sleeping well these days unless my lungs are really bothering me - then i can’t sleep at all. I went down from 15mg to 7.5 awhile back...maybe too fast? No pain, just constipation and histamine reactions and breathing problems. 

 

How do Drs not help us with this or tell us? Are we in the twilight zone?! 

 

I was bed bed ridden for a year and drs said “your perfectly healthy, you’re doing this to yourself” HOW DARE THEY!

 

im not sure weather to try a little Prozac and going up a bit on remeron before tapering everything. Disaster.

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ChessieCat
6 hours ago, Rachellynn said:

I still am sensitive and have major visual disturbances. Glasses don’t work for me, when i take them off i get sick. I feel cross eyed and the world appears too big. Anyone else experience this?

 

vision-symptoms-floaters-snow-blurreddimmed-vision-twitching-and-pain

 

Vision problems is #55 on Glenmullen's withdrawal symptoms list.

 

And regarding things seeming different:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/search/?q=familiar&type=forums_topic&item=18923

 

If this link doesn't work click here and type familiar in the search function (top right) and select this topic before clicking on the magnifying glass to find posts where members have mentioned this same feeling.

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Rachellynn
8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

What is the body sensitivity? Do you have body pain? Are you sensitive to light? How do you feel after strenuous exercise?

Body sensitivity? I’m not sure what you mean by that exactly - i just know I’m dry and “congested.” My lymph nodes pop out when ive tried to do intense treatments like antibiotics (HOLY HELL), strong herbs and idiotically got a tattoo removal session last year which sent me over the edge. Anything that gives my immune system more work is a NO NO. I am a bit sensitive to light but am more bothered by trying to see in any darkness. I actually hate being in the complete dark now and sleep with a light on, or the TV for sound...it’s all comforting. I cannot do strenuous exercise at all. I have not tried to run since i got “sick” but i cannot imagine. I am now able to do yoga and dance a bit but sometimes i do feel worse after exercise. 

 

I guess the the reason I’m still suffering even though I’ve been off Prozac for nearly four years is because i was on it for basically 15 years. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. How is it legal? 

 

My life would have been hard (abandoned by my parents) but with the drugs prescribed by my Dr’s, taken as prescribed, discontinued as described...my life has been torturous. Filled with anxiety, confusion, self-hatred, despair and unimaginable loneliness. 

 

Not it to mention the million things i couldn’t do - due to debilitating anxiety.

 

anyhow, thank you for your time. I realize you are volunteers, i just got nervous when someone “warned” me and then wouldn’t approve my intro. I still don’t see my signature appearing but i did fill out the signature form. Thanks again.

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Altostrata

Have you been feeling better since you reduced Remeron to 7.5mg?

 

Do you spend a lot of time on the computer? What form does your light sensitivity take?

 

Why do you have problems being in the dark?

 

Does your asthma trouble you all the time? Do your doctors recognize your asthma? Are you taking any drugs for that?

 

Is the debilitating anxiety better or worse at any time of day?

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Rachellynn

I pretty much never feel better with less AD’s - i feel better on them. Worse off. 

 

I used to to spend a lot of time on the computer but not anymore (not in nearly 3 years). I guess i don’t have much light sensitivity but my eyes have a hard time focusing (my eyes are not working well together but I’m working with an optomologist and a craniosacral dr who are trying to help, they think of we can get my eyes working together my CNS will relax) and i would say i have night blindness to a degree. I just can’t see right in the dark. Not entirely sure how else to explain it, it exacerbated my vision. 

 

My asthma troubles me 24/7 and particularly worse on my period or when my lymph nodes are in a flare. Which happens when i try fighting. My Functional Dr has tested me positive for mycoplasma which i think my ADs was keeping in check somehow. Tried this herbal thing and my nodes are flaring so my breathing is bad - all on my left side - so i need more lymph movement. I’m also a slow oxidizer - so detox slowly but am working on getting more protein. I’m also constipated to the point of daily enemas but  learning and applying Ayurveda - I’m Vata which is particularly dry/constipated. It was diagnosed in Sam Diego after lung function test - but i think it’s more mucus thickness based than inflammation based which is why Dr’s do t hear anything. Not too sure but Dr’s in the Bay Area (conventional) don’t believe i have asthma and they can not access those tests. I try and spend very limited time with Western Drs - PTSD around the damage they have inflicted on me. Plus their general attitude toward my “mental health.” 

 

Anxiety is is a bit under control now but gets bad anytime i have a hypersensitive reaction (driving, eating, stress, too much exercise, potent supplement, inhalers, etc...)

 

 

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Rachellynn

Oh and also when i first got really “sick” - my asthma was flared 100% worse after eating - so not sure if it’s the digestive process or what but Hista-Block helps me - I’m also going to get Querceten with Bioflavanoids and add that to my regime. 

 

I probably went went down too fast from 15mg remeron but at that time i still didn’t realize what was happening to me. I just knew AD’s weren’t the answer. Sigh.

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Altostrata

So you're feeling worse with the reduced Remeron? How are you feeling worse?

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Magnesium citrate in particular might help you with your constipation. (Are you eating enough vegetables?)

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Have you looked into histamine intolerance? This is a reaction to histamine in foods that does not show up on the usual allergen tests. See

 

Food sensitivities
 
Histamine food intolerance

 

Elimination or exclusion diets for reactions to food (food intolerance)

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Rachellynn

Hi! Yeah i notice my symptoms worsening a bit, i mean isn’t that what withdrawal is all about? I will buy fish oil again because that’s unanimous. I don’t think citrate is all that good for us but yeah I’ve tried it. I take a different form of Mag in a multi called “Ritual” which has a small amount of non-fish EPA/DHA (fish is high histamine) I’m using Triphala now and also Parasym-Plus. Acetylcholine is another neurotransmitter affected by SSRI’s. I do eat veggies. I’m probably the healthiest eater you’ve ever met (if you met me) before and now. I’ve never been constipated (leaned more toward anxious bowels before this) so it’s not dietary.

 

Ive looked into HIT and Mast Cell Activation syndrome. Hence the Hista-Block and Quercetin Supps. Histamine is a neurotransmitter. 

 

My craniosacral dr recommended maybe micro-dosing the dreaded Prozac but it would break my heart. I mean four years off... thoughts on that?

 

thanks for all your help and support, I’ve reasearched like a mad woman - i just have no idea about tapering and when to hold, when to increase, when to start a taper, etc... ❤️

 

 

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Rachellynn

Does anyone know if w/d interferes with the bodies ability to detox? Is that why we can be hypersensitive? 

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ChessieCat

There are many existing topics on this site.  Before creating a new topic, please use the site search function or a search engine and add survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

Search:  survivingantidepressants.org detox

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Rachellynn

The word “detox” has to be one of the most frequently used words on this whole site. I did look and i have been using that function. 

 

 

 

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ChessieCat
Bluebird2009
12 hours ago, Rachellynn said:

I pretty much never feel better with less AD’s - i feel better on them. Worse off. 

 

I used to to spend a lot of time on the computer but not anymore (not in nearly 3 years). I guess i don’t have much light sensitivity but my eyes have a hard time focusing (my eyes are not working well together but I’m working with an optomologist and a craniosacral dr who are trying to help, they think of we can get my eyes working together my CNS will relax) and i would say i have night blindness to a degree. I just can’t see right in the dark. Not entirely sure how else to explain it, it exacerbated my vision. 

 

My asthma troubles me 24/7 and particularly worse on my period or when my lymph nodes are in a flare. Which happens when i try fighting. My Functional Dr has tested me positive for mycoplasma which i think my ADs was keeping in check somehow. Tried this herbal thing and my nodes are flaring so my breathing is bad - all on my left side - so i need more lymph movement. I’m also a slow oxidizer - so detox slowly but am working on getting more protein. I’m also constipated to the point of daily enemas but  learning and applying Ayurveda - I’m Vata which is particularly dry/constipated. It was diagnosed in Sam Diego after lung function test - but i think it’s more mucus thickness based than inflammation based which is why Dr’s do t hear anything. Not too sure but Dr’s in the Bay Area (conventional) don’t believe i have asthma and they can not access those tests. I try and spend very limited time with Western Drs - PTSD around the damage they have inflicted on me. Plus their general attitude toward my “mental health.” 

 

Anxiety is is a bit under control now but gets bad anytime i have a hypersensitive reaction (driving, eating, stress, too much exercise, potent supplement, inhalers, etc...)

 

 

Hi can I ask why you want to come off if you feel worse? I wish I had never have came offf as I'm in an awful position now and can't cope with it. Take care

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Rachellynn

Well yeah, had i known it was going to ruin my life I’d never have gone off like i did either but these drugs ultimately aren’t for long term use, they are not studied for long term use and cause lots of disturbances especially as we age. I want to be free of a drug that if i need to go off of it for some reason (pregnancy) or something my friends on AD’s had horrific births. I just don’t want this drug to own me. I want to heal. These drugs effect more than just seratonin and dopamine. Histamine, acetylcholine, all neurotransmitters. I’m not going to the bathroom on my own with remeron and need to start doing so at some point. I can’t just give up and keep taking them...I’ve gottem this far so I’m going to push through!

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Rachellynn
7 hours ago, Bluebird2009 said:

Hi can I ask why you want to come off if you feel worse? I wish I had never have came offf as I'm in an awful position now and can't cope with it. Take care

Also...isn’t that the entire point of withdrawal? It doesn’t feel good, ever. I just don’t want to push it off anymore. 

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Rachellynn
8 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

The top one is about in patient rehab, the bottom about getting together to heal in paradise from 2015. 

 

The next is about a gallbladder flush (those are bogus). Enemas have been helpful but only because I’ve been constipated. And the next about a bath. 

 

I wasn’t asking how to detox, i was more interested in the how/why these drugs effect our bodies to a degree that we/i can’t detox properly. 

 

I did see those. Thanks!

 

 

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Rachellynn
On 10/7/2018 at 1:29 PM, Altostrata said:

So you're feeling worse with the reduced Remeron? How are you feeling worse?

Hi there! I’d like to come back to this since you are the only one kind enough to offer me advice. I pretty much jumped off Prozac three times in my life only to get sick. Of course - i was told it was all in my head and that i needed drugs. I was not raised to question authority. Anyhow, The remeron helped me at 15mg and 7.5mg - (prob 15mg is better - it acts more as an anti-histamine) but i learned that Prozac was damaging so wanted to be off all drugs sooner rather than later so i went down to 7.5mg. I am still suffering, not as bad as i was in 2015 but I’ve been off Prozac for 4 years. Should i micro-dose Prozac? Since that is the drug that I’m still damaged from? Should i go up on the Remeron and stabilize and then Taper from there?

 

i don’t know where else to turn from here and so really along with bodywork, relaxation techniques and yoga...you all are my only resources. 

 

Thank you you for your time and help!!

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Altostrata
On 10/7/2018 at 1:29 PM, Altostrata said:

So you're feeling worse with the reduced Remeron? How are you feeling worse?

 

Hi, Rachellynn. I need to know how your symptom pattern has changed since you went down to 7.5mg Remeron. Did your sleep pattern change?

 

"Detox" doesn't have any meaning in post-acute withdrawal. You don't need to detox, the reason you have symptoms is because your neurology has been re-organized. It does not contain impurities.

 

If you are sensitive to histamine, the best way to manage it is by through the histamine intolerance diet. You don't need expensive supplements (unless you find DAO to be effective, which I did not).

 

Regarding constipation, are you drinking enough water? What's your reservation about magnesium citrate?

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Rachellynn

Sleeping a little less, a little more anxiety, allergies, more stress, no bowel movements. 

 

No bowel movements and clogged lymphatic system, enlarged white coated tongue = not detoxing. We all contain impurities and rise of us who can’t have a BM and with a stagnant lymph system have many more impurities due to a bodies inability to properly remove toxins.

 

i have followed a low histamine/anti-inflammatory diet for the past year. But we cannot starve ourselves completely from histamine as it’s required by the body. I read people eating rice and chicken obly, that is a horrible way to live. The less foods you eat, the more foods you react to. The key is moderation and switching foods every day as to not load up in histamine, salicylates and oxolates. I take hista-block and whole food vit C, buoflavanoids. It’s beem amazing help. and I’m also incorporating Ayurveda. 

 

I have spoken to a Dr who says citrate blocks ceruloplasmin. Anyhow, I’m trying Triphala and minerals. Going to start there. 

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Altostrata

Believe me, you get enough histamines even if you're on a strict histamine intolerance diet.

 

I'm not a big fan of "detoxing," it seems superstitious to believe that body ills are due to impurities. Unfortunately, a lot of alternative medicine is based on this idea your body needs to be in an impossible state of perfect grace.

 

A lot of people here, myself included, have done fine with magnesium citrate. There is no doubt that if you take enough and drink enough water with it, it will loosen bowels. It is also relaxing and good for tight muscles.

 

I don't know what the interaction is with ceruloplasmin is or why it should matter. Most people are somewhat deficient in magnesium because our farmland is depleted of minerals. You need it. Anything you ingest is going to interact with something.

 

If constipation is a big problem for you and magnesium citrate works, it works. The point is to get your body working normally. Your gut will thank you for it.

 

Please supply your symptom pattern as requested above.

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Rachellynn

Anyway, My reactions are much improved. I’m fine with food. It’s not just histamine that was my issue, i was reacting to food, eating, everything. 

 

Citrate has has not worked for me in the past. I can try again and i know all about magnesium though citrate is not a bio available form for cellular health. We are deficient in all micronutrients due to Burger King life and soul depletion. 

 

I don’t mean i need to do some detox regime, what I’m saying is that our bodies have natural detoxification systems in place (lymph, colon, blood circulation) urine output and having BM’s remove unwanted toxins and waste from our bodies. I hope you beleive in that? Mine is not working and i attribute that to years of using AD’s. That’s all I’m saying. 

 

I beleive my constipation is due to vagus nerve issues and movement, which is why it gets hard and chronic dehydration NOT relieved by water. I often drink too much water, leading to too much urination - and further dehydration.

 

I’m re-mineralizing with high quality supplements and juicing. 

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Rachellynn
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

'm not a big fan of "detoxing," it seems superstitious to believe that body ills are due to impurities. Unfortunately, a lot of alternative medicine is based on this idea your body needs to be in an impossible state of perfect grace.

What do you think pharma drugs are? They are toxins!!!

 

im not sure what you mean about symptom patterns. I keep repeating myself. I don’t poop, i wake up at 3am and my lymph is congested. Every day.

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ChessieCat
1 hour ago, Rachellynn said:

What do you think pharma drugs are?

 

how-psychiatric-drugs-remodel-your-brain

 

2 hours ago, Rachellynn said:

im not sure what you mean about symptom patterns.

 

An example of what is being requested:

 

6 a.m. Woke and vomited
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Had diarrhea
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Stomachache
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Headache got worse
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke with headache

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Rachellynn

Thanks. I understand all that. But still with all that said...big pharma is toxic chemicals our bodies don’t know what to do with. I’m not looking for a debate. MY truth is that my body is toxic and I’m constipated, congested, unable to expel waste and dry. I dont really have symptoms like you explain. It’s the same every day. Swollen lymph nodes, can’t have a BM, dry lips, dry eyes, swollen tongue, reactions to drugs, eye glasses, extreme weather, etc... i will start keeping track today. Thanks for all the info. 

 

Please reapond to me if if you are going to be kind and empathetic, i don’t need any fights. I get that from my family, friends and doctors already. 

 

Thanks!!!

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ChessieCat
34 minutes ago, Rachellynn said:

This is an amazing explanation that i hope my friends and family will hear out because everyone i know just thinks I’m “crazy” and need meds. I was never sick before i started Prozac, but I’ve paid the price over the last 20 years. DEARLY.

 

This list can be helpful:  Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

And these topics:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

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Rachellynn

Thank you dear. I am so angry, it’s just - it’s almost entirely impossible to wrap my head around the fact that our society has done this to us. That Dr’s, Who we are taught to trust more than anyone else, have been so careless. That they give us drugs and get us hooked while all our lives we are told to Say No to Drugs. We go to them for help to make sense of it all and they shrug their shoulders, treat us like 3 year olds and have the audacity to tell us it’s all in our heads - they tell our families this too and so we have ZERO support. My family is very supportive when you’re happy and healthy but roll their eyes with this stuff and say GET OVER IT. It hurts. I was put on meds because i was abandoned by my parents, i was upset about it. Sure. I was an angsty teen, sure. But i was a dancer, an artist, a lover of life, i got good grades. I was a model. I had dreams. They were crushed. The drugs caused mental illness, caused anxiety - i never even knew what anxiety or panic attacks were until i stopped Prozac that first time at 19. I walked right back into the hands of the pimp. Drugged out and pissed about needing the drugs. My poor brain.

 

oftemtimes i feel like i am my 17 year old self again and I’m trying to understand who i am now. I guess I’m going back to before the drugs and connecting all the missing pieces. Thanks for the support, I’m sorry if i come off angry. I am, i hope i can let go of that because it doesn’t serve me well. Thanks again.

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