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I hate writing words


alexjuice
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It's so hard for me to write well. I just need to vent.

 

Not only does my brain not work well in a mechanical sense -- like I type words I was not intending to type. It's sludged up in every way possible. I can't concentrate. I get irritable. I mistake what I mean to say. I get anxious that the posts I make are misunderstood or that I've accidentally been insensitive.

 

I don't know of the biomechanics of withdrawal dysfunction, not well enough to really help someone with confidence. But I think I have gathered a good sense about how healthy relationships work and I am good at helping people cope with difficulties. It seems I do a lot of it in real life, that that is all my real life contact consists of, little it may be. All that therapy in groups has been good for something... Finally

 

But then I feel like I can't do it. I can't because I have to type and typing is so hard for me. If I'm even feeling well enough to do it. Maybe I've not slept, maybe I feel apathetic, maybe I feel burning just staring at the dang screen. It don't matter. Sometimes I can't do it or do it like I used to be able to.

 

I know others have problems in this area and doing more of it should rehab my problems somewhat. But I like to talk and I like to see cues. I hate that my support is through the bytes. The 0s and 1s deprive me of most of the information I need and I hate this.

 

Of course, I am so grateful for the internet generally and support forums and specifically this site. More specifically, I am so grateful for the individuals I've gotten to correspond with over the last year. I love you guys and want the best for all of you.

 

Someday lets all get together for a cup of water and a plate of veggies (I assume everyone tolerates water and veggies) and give real hugs and not write any words.

 

Thats the end of the Rant. Thank you for listening.

 

Alex

"Well my ship's been split to splinters and it's sinking fast
I'm drowning in the poison, got no future, got no past
But my heart is not weary, it's light and it's free
I've got nothing but affection for all those who sailed with me.

Everybody's moving, if they ain't already there
Everybody's got to move somewhere
Stick with me baby, stick with me anyhow
Things should start to get interesting right about now."

- Zimmerman

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The wonderful thing about this site, is that we can rant. It's a release. Sometimes I think that we/I need more of a release. I think I carry around anger from wd and the residual affets these drugs have caused. A batting cage may be a good idea.

 

I was reading your med history and would like to know what things have been like after getting off Effexor in 12 weeks, if it's okay....

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Alex ~

I just attempted to use a landline telephone to retrieve a voice message -

Husband has repeatedly told me how to use this not-complex phone but it just won't register and him getting upset with me didn't help. I broke down in tears.

I was never computer-savvy but designed business forms w/graphics, tables, spreadsheets; other peoples' resumes (some actually got jobs). I was/am a perfectionist and font freak. I planned events for hundreds of people and stayed on budget. Now I can't seem to insert a link into a post. Or use an uncomplicated phone.

 

I have noticed that the less I try to concentrate the better the outcome. Sometimes.

This has done a job on my self-confidence. I'm almost afraid to try anything more b/c I don't want to know what else I can't do.

 

BTW, you always come across very intelligently and warm and witty. I look forward to your posts. Especially when ducks and other metaphors are involved :D

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 2 months later...

Some days - mornings, especially - the best I can manage is to BUMP a thread to say this is happening.

 

BUMP

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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