York: my story with marijuana, Klonopin & Lexapro

[York]

Hi all, new member here with a bit of a journey. I'll try to keep this brief.

 

• 4 years ago, before January 2015, I had zero mental illness. I frankly was unaware that they were even that big of an issue. No official family history of anything. I was ignorant.

 

• January 2015, I smoked marijuana for the first time. A strain called "Bleu Cheese". I had a panic attack while high (due to some out of body type feeling where my mind went blank and I left my body, but my body was on autopilot) that lasted from 10:00 PM - 8:00 AM. I slept for 1 hour and woke up the next day with DP/DR, disassociation, blurry/foggy vision, debilitating panic attacks, and anxiety. These lasted for about 2 weeks before I was put on Klonopin to fight it. It's crazy to me how I went from perfectly mentally healthy to literally mentally crippled and dysfunctional over night.

 

• While on Klonopin, it took away my anxiety/panic attacks from the weed event. It did a good job of making me functional again. It did not fix the DP/DR and blurry/foggy vision, though.

 

• 2-3 months of Klonopin go by and my doctor cold turkeyed me off of Klonopin. I went through withdrawals, and it was 10x worse than where the weed left me. Death anxiety, DP/DR, disassociation, mental fog, panic attacks, couldn't feel my right arm like it's detached/weightless, pins and needles, cranial pressure and pain, vertigo/dizziness. I really felt like I was dying.

 

• Fast forward to 4 years later, to where I am now. I healed quite a lot but very slowly for about 1.5 - 2 years. I became more functional and more like myself. I do feel I have become stagnant over the last 2 years and the past couple of months I have actually digressed. I am convinced that after this length of time, my brain has found homeostasis in this fog.

 

• My current symptoms include: anxiety, foggy/blurry vision, DP/DR, occasional panic attack, can't feel my right arm or leg like they are detached/weightless, vertigo/dizziness, pins and needles. Honestly I feel like I've had a stroke despite being 25.

 

Due to the malpractice of my last doctor, I was terrified to visit another. It took 4 years for me to finally visit a Psychiatrist. I did last month and they recommended that I get on Lexapro 5mg, taper up to 10mg. They want me to stay on it for 1-2 years. The plan is to "re-wire" my brain. The idea, if I understand correctly, is that Lexapro would fight off the current symptoms I have from Benzo Withdrawal. If I respond positively to it, Lexapro should make me more stable/calm. After 1-2 years of being stable, they'd taper me off correctly, and I'd hopefully find homeostasis closer to how I was on Lexapro, and not how I've been since Benzo Withdrawal.

 

I know that Surviving Antidepressants is a place of refuge for those who have had bad experiences with these medications. What are your thoughts on this? I really don't feel like I'm progressing anymore and I've seen people suffering from Benzo Withdrawal for 10+ years trying to heal without medication. I feel like I at least want to try this option of an SSRI. I know a lot could go wrong, but if it went right? I couldn't imagine finally being able to leave this fog. I love life, but I just want to get as close to normal as possible again.

 

Thanks everyone.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, York.

 

It sounds like you had a strong adverse reaction to marijuana. While this is unusual, marijuana contains psychoactive compounds like any other neuroactive drug, including psychiatric drugs. Sometimes people have immediate bad reactions to psychiatric drugs, too.

 

What we see here is that people's nervous systems become hypersensitive after going on and off psychiatric drugs. It's unfortunate that you were not tapered off the Klonopin properly. It's possible your present symptoms are a legacy of that rather than the effect from marijuana.

 

The symptoms you're experiencing are from a destabiilized nervous system. Nobody, including that psychiatrist, knows what 5mg or 10mg Lexapro will do to you. Like any psychoactive, it will "rewire" your nervous system, possibly in a very uncomfortable way. A sensitized nervous system may react very badly to anything near a "normal" dose of a psychiatric drug, even 5mg Lexapro.

 

On the theory that you're recovering from benzo withdrawal,  you may find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you. Please let us know how you're doing.

 

How are you sleeping?

 

 

 

[York]

Thanks for the welcome and response, Altostrata.

 

Pretty much, yes. It was traumatic going from one end of the mental spectrum to the other just over night. Most people bring up that it was probably laced, but no one else had any reaction remotely close to mine that night. I think I’m just unfortunate haha.

 

I’m inclined to agree that I think these residual symptoms are from the Klonopin. I feel like the withdrawal did me worse than the marijuana ever did. Klonopin did have me relatively stable while on it, but when my doctor cold turkeyed me off of it he told me “I wasn’t on it long enough and that I was experiencing an inner ear infection”, despite withdrawals occurring 3 days after I stoppped taking it. Super competent right? Haha

 

I also agree that it’s a gamble starting an SSRI. I think I’m reaching a point of desperation where I’ve been holding off another medicated route this entire time, but 4 years is such a long time to be in a fog with no end in sight to it. Some people have had it worse and my heart breaks for them. I just don’t want to become one of those people where they’ve been suffering for nearly a decade.

 

I’ll look into the fish oil and magnesium, I actually think I remember someone on Benzo Buddies saying how turn oil really helped them with their initial withdrawals. 

 

My anxiety fluctuates, so if it’s rough I sleep horrible. If it’s manageable, which most of the time it is, I’ll get around 8 hours.

 

Thank you again for reaching out.

 

Edited February 22, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed unnecessary quote

[Carmie]

Hi York, 

 

How are you doing? Did you try magnesium or fish oil?

 

Could you please put in your signature, ChessieCat will send you a link. Thank you.

 

Wishing you all the best on your healing journey💚

[ChessieCat]

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

[York]

On 3/4/2019 at 12:49 AM, Carmie said:

Hi York, 

 

How are you doing? Did you try magnesium or fish oil?

 

Could you please put in your signature, ChessieCat will send you a link. Thank you.

 

Wishing you all the best on your healing journey💚

Carmie,

 

Thank you for checking in on me. I updated my signature.. timeline is probably a little skewed.

 

Per SA’s recommendation I did purchase NOW Omega 3 Fish Oil and Magnesium Citrate.

 

I found that the Magnesium was revving my symptoms up so I discontinued it. I’ve been sticking with the fish oil though. I still feel the same for now.

 

I opted to visit a neurologist and shared my story with him. First time I’ve seen a neurologist. He scheduled a brain MRI due to the physical nerve issues I’m having but I don’t expect much to pop up. Seems it never does for Benzo withdrawals.

 

Anyways thats where I’m kind of at right now. I’m sorry for the late reply.

[Carmie]

Hi York, 

 

Thanks for filling in your signature.

 

I had the same problem with magnesium too. It ramped up my symptoms as well. A lot of people find benefit in it though. Maybe if I tried a different kind? I’m giving it a miss for now though too. 

 

Sending hugs🤗