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Zans

Anybody who had been severely depressed prior ADs?

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Zans

Hey,

 

not sure if it's correct subforum to post, apologies if it's not.

 

A lot of people here seem to aquired ticket to hell for a reasons other than mental illness. Like insomnia, some medical issue or situational anxiety.

 

I wonder about those who been hopelessly depressed prior getting on meds and what happened after tapper? Did your condition changed? I rotated many pills over course of half a year and none did help. Curently the one I am on helps SLIGTHLY but as we all now it's a dead end. 

 

So, please share what changed for you after you taper was over ☺

 

Thank you all


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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SouthernFreeze

I was 17 or 18 when I went on meds, I'm 36 now. I was definitely depressed in the 3 or 4 years leading up to that. I had such high anxiety I couldn't talk to anyone when I went into my classes at school. I could only properly talk to the teacher in private. This obviously ruined any chance of a decent education. I cried a lot and felt suicidal. 

But then, a lot of teenagers are very emotional, also I was bullied, I smoked A LOT of pot and drank whenever I had the chance. So it's hard to say if I was genuinely depressed. 

I know pot had a lot to do with screwing with my brain development, especially with socialising, but then... was i so depressed I was just looking for any kind of escape? I knew when the doctor offered those pills to me i thought it could be the perfect escape. 

I remember sleeping just about all day for about a week after, just glad to be able to sleep. 

When I tappered off and was clean for about a year not so long ago, I got the things I usually get on the meds anyway (anxiety, depression, panic) but it was amplified tenfold. That to me could be my original self before meds, and obviously I never slept much before the meds either.. Maybe. But other symptoms like massive irritability, chronic apathy, deep feeling that everybody's against me, to name a few, I knew were withdrawals. Then again it's been about 17 years so who knows. 

I think that's the hardest thing when you've been on them so long is you can't just stop them and test if your meditation and therapy or whatever have improved your mental health issues, because you won't actually know until years after healing. 

 


10 years on various anti-depressants

5 years Effexor xr

tappered of 150mg in 6 months

nothing for two weeks

Reinstated 15 beads for 50 days

Tappered off then clean 2-3months

gradually went back up to 13 mg 3 years

bridged fluoxetine 10mg

2 week tapper

1 year clean

reinstated 5ml dispersed fluroxatine for 6months

 

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ShiningLight
On 9/16/2019 at 2:46 AM, SouthernFreeze said:

I was 17 or 18 when I went on meds, I'm 36 now. I was definitely depressed in the 3 or 4 years leading up to that.

 

Similar story, SF. Except I'm about a decade older.

I was severely depressed before I tried the drugs. I feel like I'm a different person now. I have a hard time imagining myself being that depressed without them, but it will be a loooonnng time before I know.


Now: Gabapentin 31 mg 4x/day =124 mg, 150 mg Zoloft am since 2004, 50 mg Trazodone bedtime.  Daily drug burden decreased from 2050 mg to 324 mg 🐢🐢

2020, Gabapentin each dose 4x/day: Aug 20 31 mg, Aug 18, 33 mg, July 29, 35 mg, July 23 38 mg, July 22 40 mg Jun 24 42 mg, Jun 15 44 mg, Jun 9 48 mg, May 22 50 mg, May 14 54 mg, May 7 56 mg, Apr 16 58 mg, Mar 28 60 mg, Mar 18 62 mg. Feb 26 64 mg. Feb 19, 66 mg. Jan 23, 70 mg.

2019 Dec 19, 72 mg. Nov 14 ,76 mg. Aug 8, 80 mg. Aug 6, 85 mg. Jul 26, 90 mg. Jul 11, 95 mg.

Jul 16 trazodone from 100 to 50 mg.

Jun 17-July 10 Slowly changed gab fr pill to liquid at same dose 100 mg 4x/d.

Apr 24 Stopped klon!!! 🌞 Apr 4  Decreased gaba to 400 mg (100 mg 4x/day)-Apr 4, 2019   0.25 klon

March 11  Klonopin .5 mg twice daily, varied dose til Apr 15. Started Klon fast taper 25%, short use

Mar 16, 450 mg gaba 3x/day cut 600 mg--not exact!--updose after learning w/d

Feb 20, 2019 1800 mg gabapentin; MD taper; off 3 days=mvt disorder & autonomic instability. July 2018 temazepam 15 mg 1-2; prn several x/wk til Jan/Feb 2019 when cold turkey, flu illness for months

July 2018 started gabapentin 100 3x/day; titrated up to 1800 mg (600 3x/day)

Buspar, I forget how much, 2 pills a day Jan 2017-July 2018 cold turkey

*I speak from my experience. Nothing I say is medical advice. I'm not a doctor.

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Cathy4

I wonder about those who been hopelessly depressed prior getting on meds and what happened after tapper? Did your condition changed? I rotated many pills over course of half a year and none did help. Curently the one I am on helps SLIGTHLY but as we all now it's a dead end. 

 

 

Zans, I don’t know if I did the copy/paste thing correctly, but I wanted to respond to your post.  My answer is YES, YES, YES.  I’ve been on some form of AD for 20 years and what is crazy is that I’ve experienced debilitating depression during these years.  Not once, not twice, but many many times.  I’ve been reading and researching about the efficacy of antidepressants and come to the conclusion that there just isn’t science that supports their effectiveness.  Kelly Brogan, in her book, “A Mind of Your Own,” goes so far as to say that when one feels better while on antidepressants, it could very well be one’s brain overcoming the effects of the antidepressant.  (Hence the AD could be causing or worsening depression).  I believe Peter Breggin has similar views.  
 

I don’t believe my zoloft has ever “worked” for me.  But every time I tried to lower the dosage, my anxiety increased, leading me to believe I needed the medication.  I didn’t know anything about withdrawal or that it even existed during those times.  
Cathy


1999-2006 Luvox, xanax

2007-2009 Prozac, xanax, klonopin

2009-2018 Zoloft, xanax, klonopin

 

2019 January zoloft 150mg, February 100mg, April 75mg, mid-May 50mg, July 25mg, (xanax .5mg or .25mg as needed)

 

August zoloft 25mg HOLD, CT xanax, reinstate 50mg zoloft, September reinstate 100mg zoloft w/.375 klonopin, mid-September lower to 75mg zoloft

November 1st:  67.5mgai zoloft

November 15th:  .25mg klonopin

January 1st:  .125mg klonopin 

February 1st: .112mg klonopin

February 24th:  60.3mgai zoloft

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Zans
On Saturday, October 19, 2019 at 1:40 AM, Cathy4 said:

I wonder about those who been hopelessly depressed prior getting on meds and what happened after tapper? Did your condition changed? I rotated many pills over course of half a year and none did help. Curently the one I am on helps SLIGTHLY but as we all now it's a dead end. 

 

 

Zans, I don’t know if I did the copy/paste thing correctly, but I wanted to respond to your post.  My answer is YES, YES, YES.  I’ve been on some form of AD for 20 years and what is crazy is that I’ve experienced debilitating depression during these years.  Not once, not twice, but many many times.  I’ve been reading and researching about the efficacy of antidepressants and come to the conclusion that there just isn’t science that supports their effectiveness.  Kelly Brogan, in her book, “A Mind of Your Own,” goes so far as to say that when one feels better while on antidepressants, it could very well be one’s brain overcoming the effects of the antidepressant.  (Hence the AD could be causing or worsening depression).  I believe Peter Breggin has similar views.  
 

I don’t believe my zoloft has ever “worked” for me.  But every time I tried to lower the dosage, my anxiety increased, leading me to believe I needed the medication.  I didn’t know anything about withdrawal or that it even existed during those times.  
Cathy

Hey,

 

same here. Once I hit severe WD after CT my doctor said that this is depression manifesting itself after being ignored so long. 

 

How are you feeling these days? Is it easier to manage depression/anxiety as you lower your medication dose?

 

Thanks


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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Cathy4
6 hours ago, Zans said:

 

How are you feeling these days? Is it easier to manage depression/anxiety as you lower your medication dose?


Thanks for writing.  It feels like it is not possible to have enough support while going through this.

 

I’m struggling, but I think I’m slowly getting more stable.  When I CT the xanax I became severely paranoid and even hid in the woods for fear of being taken to a hospital.  I see that you have CT’d off of more meds—how did you manage after that?  
 

I’m doing a lot of meditation and walking, both of which sometimes help and sometimes don’t.  I had gotten down to 25mg zoloft (on a too-fast) taper and then all hell broke lose a month later, hence reinstatement.  I almost wish I had just stayed on 25mg and waited it out because I don’t even know if reinstatement has done much.  Who knows.  
 

You are only on Brintellix now?  That’s impressive.  
Cathy


1999-2006 Luvox, xanax

2007-2009 Prozac, xanax, klonopin

2009-2018 Zoloft, xanax, klonopin

 

2019 January zoloft 150mg, February 100mg, April 75mg, mid-May 50mg, July 25mg, (xanax .5mg or .25mg as needed)

 

August zoloft 25mg HOLD, CT xanax, reinstate 50mg zoloft, September reinstate 100mg zoloft w/.375 klonopin, mid-September lower to 75mg zoloft

November 1st:  67.5mgai zoloft

November 15th:  .25mg klonopin

January 1st:  .125mg klonopin 

February 1st: .112mg klonopin

February 24th:  60.3mgai zoloft

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Zans
1 hour ago, Cathy4 said:


Thanks for writing.  It feels like it is not possible to have enough support while going through this.

 

I’m struggling, but I think I’m slowly getting more stable.  When I CT the xanax I became severely paranoid and even hid in the woods for fear of being taken to a hospital.  I see that you have CT’d off of more meds—how did you manage after that?  
 

I’m doing a lot of meditation and walking, both of which sometimes help and sometimes don’t.  I had gotten down to 25mg zoloft (on a too-fast) taper and then all hell broke lose a month later, hence reinstatement.  I almost wish I had just stayed on 25mg and waited it out because I don’t even know if reinstatement has done much.  Who knows.  
 

You are only on Brintellix now?  That’s impressive.  
Cathy

I didn't manage at all. In the middle of worst of it I planned to end myself as it was just unexplainably (couldn't even form sentences to explain this turmoil) unbearable. Plus not only did I had strong withdrawals but I also horrible things were happening with my nervous system due to one meditation event. I remember after CT my mother brought me to acupuncture session where accupuncturist just looked at me mentioning to my mother that I am half dead. And then suddenly one day it became better out of nowhere and I cling to that day as a proof that even seemingly hopeless scenarios improves.

 

Yep, I wish I knew stuff also but we're always smart in retrospect right ☺ That's good you're able to move and found this site, as cliche as it sounds we're on the right path. 

 

I'll check your thread, wish you smooth healing!


Paroxetin 20mg, Lexatonil 3mg - 5 pills total in December 2019 - CT.

 

Coaxil12.5mg, Fluanxol 1mg, Olanzapine 5mg, Bromazepam 3mg, Mirtazapine 30mg, Relanium injections, Zolpidem 10mg  full January - March 2019. CT all.

 

Finlepsin 1/4, Olanzapine 2.5mg, Relanium 5mg, Brintellix 20mg, Imovan mid April - early May 2019. CT all.

 

Brintellix 10mg 2019 May

Brintellix 5mg June - July

Brintellix 5mg August, 4.5mg September 7th - 4.6mg - 5mg ; November 21st - 4.8g December 5th - 4.6mg December 19th - 4.4mg January 3th - 4.2mg 17th - 4mg

 

 

 

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Cathy4

Zans I’m glad you’re still here.  Yes, I had similar plans.  It’s so hard to even begin to describe to people what it’s like.  
 

That day where things shifted all of a sudden for you brings great hope.  Thanks for sharing, and happy healing to you as well.  
 

Cathy


1999-2006 Luvox, xanax

2007-2009 Prozac, xanax, klonopin

2009-2018 Zoloft, xanax, klonopin

 

2019 January zoloft 150mg, February 100mg, April 75mg, mid-May 50mg, July 25mg, (xanax .5mg or .25mg as needed)

 

August zoloft 25mg HOLD, CT xanax, reinstate 50mg zoloft, September reinstate 100mg zoloft w/.375 klonopin, mid-September lower to 75mg zoloft

November 1st:  67.5mgai zoloft

November 15th:  .25mg klonopin

January 1st:  .125mg klonopin 

February 1st: .112mg klonopin

February 24th:  60.3mgai zoloft

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Raye

I was 18 when I first went on Luvox and klonopin....

it wasn’t for depression though.. but at the time it was for OCD.. the clinically kind.. and those thoughts were crippling so in a way, I can empathize.

 

My condition initially improved.. however, it was only because of the medicine not from exposure therapy. After doing the work and learning how to relate to my thoughts I relaxed I didn’t need the medicine anymore.

 

In fact now I see that the antidepressants seemed to make my aniexty a lot worse long term. 

 

The only time I was severely depressed was when I had an interaction with my medicine about 6 months ago and couldn’t get out of bed the whole day because my nervous system was so out of wack. There was just darkness and I had considered ending everything. 

 

Long story short... I think that if you're in a dire situation of depression etc.. then it's ok to go on medicine. However it's good to try to deal with things without medicine first if you can because tapering and side effects can just add another thing. And for me at least, it just numbed my problems not solved them.  


Withdrew from Luvox in 2015 to fast (took 2 months). (highest dose was 800mg..tapered off 50mg every week)

...
(Klonopin 1 mg for a month, second time on it, in May 2016 and tapered .25mg through early aug)
(Tapered off Klonopin as i went on Luvox)  
-Off klonopin-
....
Back on Luvox in 2016 of June..400 mg 8/26/2016.. 350mg 8/26/2016.. 300mg 09/04/2016.. 250mg 09/08/2016.. (tried to taper to 225mg 03/07/2017 didn't work).. 240mg  04/04/2017.. 230mg 04/27/2017.. 225mg 05/12/2017...223mg 09/28/2017...222mg 05/01/2018...220mg 05/21/2018...218mg 09/01/18...216mg 02/21/19  (03/15/2019-08/30/19)had a serve drug interaction with going into ketosis and an far infrared sauna.. took a long time to recover and find the right dose)  08/30/19...199mg...09/24/19...198mg (feeling more human)

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CoolheadLuke

I was severely depressed before starting Wellbutrin in my mid-twenties.  I think the Wellbutrin, along with therapy, helped me get to a point where I was able to make some positive changes in my life (job/relationship/etc) and I was doing quite well until I decided to try tapering it last year.  

 

I'm currently at 150 mg daily (had been at 300 mg for about 10 years) - my depression has (unsurprisingly) been much worse since the withdrawal started.


2009Lexipro 30 mg, Bupropion SR 450 mg
2010 (?)Adderall 30 mg
? prior to 2014–Lexipro 0 mg, reduced Bupropion SR to 300 mg
2017 – Adderall: May 25 mg, June 20 mg, July 15 mg
2018Bupropion: May 250 mg, July 200 mg, Sept 150 mg (poss withdrawal)
Feb 2019 - Bupropion 100 mg  reinstated to 150 after approx. 1 week due to withdrawal symptoms
April 26  - Switched from Bupropion SR to Bupropion IR
April 29  – reduced Adderall 15 mg -> 5 mg, and caffeine 200 mg -> 100 mg

June 18 - Bupropion 131 mg, reinstated to 150 June 22nd 

July 21  - Caffeine 50 mg

August 12 - Adderall 2.5 mg, reinstated to 5 mg August 15

2020 - January 8 - Adderall 3.75

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Raye
On 10/20/2019 at 6:05 PM, CoolheadLuke said:

my depression has (unsurprisingly) been much worse since the withdrawal started

interesting. I had the opposite reaction.. my antidepressant made me worse (long term) but helped with the short term. 

 

did you stop tapering since it made things worse? 


Withdrew from Luvox in 2015 to fast (took 2 months). (highest dose was 800mg..tapered off 50mg every week)

...
(Klonopin 1 mg for a month, second time on it, in May 2016 and tapered .25mg through early aug)
(Tapered off Klonopin as i went on Luvox)  
-Off klonopin-
....
Back on Luvox in 2016 of June..400 mg 8/26/2016.. 350mg 8/26/2016.. 300mg 09/04/2016.. 250mg 09/08/2016.. (tried to taper to 225mg 03/07/2017 didn't work).. 240mg  04/04/2017.. 230mg 04/27/2017.. 225mg 05/12/2017...223mg 09/28/2017...222mg 05/01/2018...220mg 05/21/2018...218mg 09/01/18...216mg 02/21/19  (03/15/2019-08/30/19)had a serve drug interaction with going into ketosis and an far infrared sauna.. took a long time to recover and find the right dose)  08/30/19...199mg...09/24/19...198mg (feeling more human)

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CoolheadLuke
On 10/22/2019 at 10:51 PM, Raye said:

interesting. I had the opposite reaction.. my antidepressant made me worse (long term) but helped with the short term. 

 

did you stop tapering since it made things worse? 

 

Yeah, I was tapering way too fast (at the advice of my doctor) before I found this site, so I stopped the taper about 6 months ago.  I also ended up switching from the sustained release to the immediate release version of Wellbutrin, but the IR seems to be giving me a lot more side effects.  I'm planning to restart the taper (at the recommended 10%) in January, when I have some time off of work.


2009Lexipro 30 mg, Bupropion SR 450 mg
2010 (?)Adderall 30 mg
? prior to 2014–Lexipro 0 mg, reduced Bupropion SR to 300 mg
2017 – Adderall: May 25 mg, June 20 mg, July 15 mg
2018Bupropion: May 250 mg, July 200 mg, Sept 150 mg (poss withdrawal)
Feb 2019 - Bupropion 100 mg  reinstated to 150 after approx. 1 week due to withdrawal symptoms
April 26  - Switched from Bupropion SR to Bupropion IR
April 29  – reduced Adderall 15 mg -> 5 mg, and caffeine 200 mg -> 100 mg

June 18 - Bupropion 131 mg, reinstated to 150 June 22nd 

July 21  - Caffeine 50 mg

August 12 - Adderall 2.5 mg, reinstated to 5 mg August 15

2020 - January 8 - Adderall 3.75

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Raye
On 10/25/2019 at 11:21 AM, CoolheadLuke said:

 

Yeah, I was tapering way too fast (at the advice of my doctor) before I found this site, so I stopped the taper about 6 months ago.  I also ended up switching from the sustained release to the immediate release version of Wellbutrin, but the IR seems to be giving me a lot more side effects.  I'm planning to restart the taper (at the recommended 10%) in January, when I have some time off of work.

Yea the doctors don’t seem too keen on how to taper.

I hope the tapering goes well for you.  One piece of knowledge I think that is important to note is that if you plan to taper completely the drug is if you ever want to go back on that drug in the future.. it can be a lot harder to withdrawal a second time off of the same drug. I found this out the hard way by going on Luvox a second time then trying to taper off again...   

Just wanted to say this since you said the drug possibly helped you 


Withdrew from Luvox in 2015 to fast (took 2 months). (highest dose was 800mg..tapered off 50mg every week)

...
(Klonopin 1 mg for a month, second time on it, in May 2016 and tapered .25mg through early aug)
(Tapered off Klonopin as i went on Luvox)  
-Off klonopin-
....
Back on Luvox in 2016 of June..400 mg 8/26/2016.. 350mg 8/26/2016.. 300mg 09/04/2016.. 250mg 09/08/2016.. (tried to taper to 225mg 03/07/2017 didn't work).. 240mg  04/04/2017.. 230mg 04/27/2017.. 225mg 05/12/2017...223mg 09/28/2017...222mg 05/01/2018...220mg 05/21/2018...218mg 09/01/18...216mg 02/21/19  (03/15/2019-08/30/19)had a serve drug interaction with going into ketosis and an far infrared sauna.. took a long time to recover and find the right dose)  08/30/19...199mg...09/24/19...198mg (feeling more human)

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CoolheadLuke
On 10/28/2019 at 2:10 AM, Raye said:

Yea the doctors don’t seem too keen on how to taper.

I hope the tapering goes well for you.  One piece of knowledge I think that is important to note is that if you plan to taper completely the drug is if you ever want to go back on that drug in the future.. it can be a lot harder to withdrawal a second time off of the same drug. I found this out the hard way by going on Luvox a second time then trying to taper off again...   

Just wanted to say this since you said the drug possibly helped you 

 

That's good information, thanks.  I don't think I'd go back on an AD once I finally (hopefully someday) get off this one, though.


2009Lexipro 30 mg, Bupropion SR 450 mg
2010 (?)Adderall 30 mg
? prior to 2014–Lexipro 0 mg, reduced Bupropion SR to 300 mg
2017 – Adderall: May 25 mg, June 20 mg, July 15 mg
2018Bupropion: May 250 mg, July 200 mg, Sept 150 mg (poss withdrawal)
Feb 2019 - Bupropion 100 mg  reinstated to 150 after approx. 1 week due to withdrawal symptoms
April 26  - Switched from Bupropion SR to Bupropion IR
April 29  – reduced Adderall 15 mg -> 5 mg, and caffeine 200 mg -> 100 mg

June 18 - Bupropion 131 mg, reinstated to 150 June 22nd 

July 21  - Caffeine 50 mg

August 12 - Adderall 2.5 mg, reinstated to 5 mg August 15

2020 - January 8 - Adderall 3.75

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gardenlady

I was very depressed prior to taking an AD because of a irreversible situation that has negatively affected my entire life....preventing me from marriage or any healthy intimate relationships.   It happened at age 22 and I'm now 67 and I was never able to come to terms with it despite seeing numerous therapists and taking about it ad infinitum to others.  I started an AD at age 38, but it had no effect so I am now tapering off.  I don't expect to ever recover as I never learned how to live with the consequences of the bad situation.  Now, I am growing old alone, having gone through life alone, and have AD withdrawal to bear on top of that which makes it all exponentially worse.  It's a pretty dismal situation. 


 

2016-Aug-Prescribed 2 mg Ativan & 10 mg Ambien; Oct-c/o from 20 mg Lexapro to 60 mg Cymbalta; Nov-Dec-Tapered off 10 mg Ambien    

2017-Jan-Feb c/o from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium & begin daily liquid micro taper; May-taper Cymbalta 60 mg to 48 mg with severe withdrawals.  Begin 11 month Cymbalta hold.

2018-Jan 11 completed Valium taper; Apr-Resume Cymbalta taper.  Interval dose progress: Apr 43 mg; May 40 mg; Jul 35 mg; Sep 29 mg; Dec 21 mg; 

2019- Apr 14 mg; Jun 11 mg; Aug 9 mg; Oct 7 mg; Nov 6 mg

2020-Jan 5.2 mg; Feb 4.8 mg; Mar 4.3 mg; Apr 3.9 mg; May 3.5 mg; Jun 3.3 mg; Jul 2.9 mg; Aug 2.7 mg; 28 Sep 2.4 mg/12 beads; 25 Oct 2.2 mg/11 beads

 

 

 

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Frogie
13 hours ago, gardenlady said:

I was very depressed prior to taking an AD because of a irreversible situation that has negatively affected my entire life....preventing me from marriage or any healthy intimate relationships.   It happened at age 22 and I'm now 67 and I was never able to come to terms with it despite seeing numerous therapists and taking about it ad infinitum to others.  I started an AD at age 38, but it had no effect so I am now tapering off.  I don't expect to ever recover as I never learned how to live with the consequences of the bad situation.  Now, I am growing old alone, having gone through life alone, and have AD withdrawal to bear on top of that which makes it all exponentially worse.  It's a pretty dismal situation. 

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. This tapering and WD just plain su@ks the life out of you.

 

If you were closer I'd give you a hug. But here's a virtual ((((hug)))) for you.

 

Hope it helps just a little.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx


PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!!

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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Terry
13 hours ago, gardenlady said:

I was very depressed prior to taking an AD because of a irreversible situation that has negatively affected my entire life....preventing me from marriage or any healthy intimate relationships.   It happened at age 22 and I'm now 67 and I was never able to come to terms with it despite seeing numerous therapists and taking about it ad infinitum to others.  I started an AD at age 38, but it had no effect so I am now tapering off.  I don't expect to ever recover as I never learned how to live with the consequences of the bad situation.  Now, I am growing old alone, having gone through life alone, and have AD withdrawal to bear on top of that which makes it all exponentially worse.  It's a pretty dismal situation. 

I am so sorry to hear of all you've had to endure.  Do you have a good friend or friends that you can talk with about your situation?  Wish I could be there to offer you a big hug!


2007 - 2008          Paxil and Klonopin

2008 - 2012           Mirtazapine following abrupt withdrawal from Klonopin/Paxil.  

2012                       Unsuccessful taper of mirtazapine; reinstated.     

7/2013 - 1/2014   Successfully tapered from 7.5 mg

 

7/19/17 ALPRAZOLAM 0.25 mg. - current  

                SERTRALINE  - 25 mg

Began taper Aug 4, 2017 - 25 mg;  Jan 1, 2018 - 12.5 mg;  Jan 16, 2019 - 2.6 mg;  Jan 5, 2020 - 1.0 mg;   

                Current dose:   Oct 25 - 0.37 mg;

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gardenlady
6 hours ago, Frogie said:

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. This tapering and WD just plain su@ks the life out of you.

 

If you were closer I'd give you a hug. But here's a virtual ((((hug)))) for you.

 

Hope it helps just a little.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thanks so much, Frogie.

6 hours ago, Terry said:

I am so sorry to hear of all you've had to endure.  Do you have a good friend or friends that you can talk with about your situation?  Wish I could be there to offer you a big hug!

No.  It's been 45 years now and due to the very private nature of the situation, I can't talk to friends about it.  There was one friend I confided in years ago, but she was at a loss as to what to say or do, so I wish I hadn't told her.  Talking about certain things doesn't help, I've learned.   Thanks, though, for your response. 


 

2016-Aug-Prescribed 2 mg Ativan & 10 mg Ambien; Oct-c/o from 20 mg Lexapro to 60 mg Cymbalta; Nov-Dec-Tapered off 10 mg Ambien    

2017-Jan-Feb c/o from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium & begin daily liquid micro taper; May-taper Cymbalta 60 mg to 48 mg with severe withdrawals.  Begin 11 month Cymbalta hold.

2018-Jan 11 completed Valium taper; Apr-Resume Cymbalta taper.  Interval dose progress: Apr 43 mg; May 40 mg; Jul 35 mg; Sep 29 mg; Dec 21 mg; 

2019- Apr 14 mg; Jun 11 mg; Aug 9 mg; Oct 7 mg; Nov 6 mg

2020-Jan 5.2 mg; Feb 4.8 mg; Mar 4.3 mg; Apr 3.9 mg; May 3.5 mg; Jun 3.3 mg; Jul 2.9 mg; Aug 2.7 mg; 28 Sep 2.4 mg/12 beads; 25 Oct 2.2 mg/11 beads

 

 

 

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JackieDecides
On 2/9/2020 at 7:05 PM, gardenlady said:

I don't expect to ever recover as I never learned how to live with the consequences of the bad situation.  Now, I am growing old alone, having gone through life alone, and have AD withdrawal to bear on top of that which makes it all exponentially worse.  It's a pretty dismal situation.

 

you could post about it here, gardenlady, this should feel safe. 

 

I'm sorry, gardenlady, I am basically alone, too, at least I have some friends but don't live near any of them. so I have friends on the phone, on the internet, on facebook - it's not the same as in person! 

 

to answer the original poster: 

 

I was severely depressed as a teenager and in my early 20s, before AD had been invented. I don't remember if I started having anxiety before or after starting on paxil. 

 

but now that I'm off AD I have to wonder, am I DONE with withdrawal and the depression I've been having this winter is just ME?

 

I know I spend all those years taking the pills and not learning other, healthy ways to cope with mood issues and I'm hoping I can learn now.  it's so hard! 


Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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