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DavidfromTexas

SATURDAY AUG 17 (day 24)

 

12:00pm Woke up after finally being able to get a good 5-6 hours of sleep, after the struggle to get to sleep before 5am. 

12:30pm Vitamin D3 4,000IU

Ate late breakfast/lunch

6:45pm Ate dinner. Appetite seems to be returning to normal a bit. I am only 4 pounds lower than my usual average weight

1:15am Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine

1:30am Lying down to sleep. Unable to really fall asleep before 3:30/4:00. 

 

SUNDAY AUG 18 (day 25)

 

8:40am Woken up for church. No tremors. 

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

11:30am Ate a full lunch 

1:00pm Got home with a little uneasiness, which grew while watching a movie with the family

3:30 Feeling more at ease again

7:30pm Ate a lighter dinner

12:00am Started getting anxious after obsessive thoughts

12:40am Took 8 beads (1.33 mg) duloxetine

1:00am Lying down in bed. Anxiety grew. Unable to fall asleep until close to 3am. 

 

 

MONDAY AUG 19 (day 26)

 

11:00am Woke up. Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

12:00pm Had a light breakfast/lunch (cereal) before heading out for my appt 

1:00pm Initial session with CBT therapist 

3:30 Ate lunch

8:15pm Ate dinner

12:00am Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine

1:00am Went to bed. Fell asleep quicker

 

 

TUESDAY AUG 20 (day 27)

 

10:30am Woke up. Woke up a couple times during the night as has always been normal for me, but fell back asleep quickly each time. It was much easier to fall asleep last night and I ended up getting 8-9 hours of sleep. 

11:00am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

11:15am Ate a tiny bit of cereal. No appetite

1:30pm Ate lunch. Still a lighter appetite

2:00pm Feeling down, so I got outside and did some dirty work cleaning the garage

7:30pm Ate dinner. Larger appetite

11:20pm Took 8 beads (1.33 mg) duloxetine

12:30pm Went to bed. Fell asleep after 30-45 minutes

 

 

Additional notes:

 

-Most days I have very minor tremors after getting out of bed in the morning. Mostly I think it is due to the room I’m sleeping in being cold because I sleep with the fan on high and I sleep underneath a sheet and a thin thermal layer. I believe I am still a hot sleeper like I have always been, but I do believe that the light tremors I get after getting out of bed are due mainly to the temperature in the room instead of anxiety. 

 

-I have started working on the lightest/easiest Exposures after my first CBT session. 

 

-As the days come and go, I have noticed that most of the issues I am dealing with at this point are obsessive in nature. 

I am still giving myself more time to take it as easy as possible, but I am doing a lot of thinking about what the plans might be for me starting a couple weeks from now, especially if I can start to make any amount of progress dealing with the OCD. 

 

-Possible withdrawal-related physical symptoms include a slightly lightened appetite, very mild light-headedness (which could also be due to me not eating quite as much as I usually do), varying difficulty falling asleep (but only if I am feeling particularly anxious), and very very mild tremors after getting out of bed (possibly mainly due to the cold room, and they are not always there.)

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DavidfromTexas

WEDNESDAY AUG 21 (day 28)

8:00am Woke up. Slightly anxious with ruminating thoughts. Unable to really go back to sleep.
9:45am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU. Still have an uneasiness under the surface from the ruminations.
12:00pm Ate lunch, medium appetite.
Still uneasy, and it seems to be growing.
6:30pm Finally started easing up a little
7:00pm Started feeling a little bit of the depersonalization sensation I felt in the past as a kid. Up until now it has been more of a lightheaded feeling, whereas now it’s become a little more intense and I feel more distant
8:30pm Ate dinner. The distanced sensation has started to fade
11:15pm Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine
12:45am Went to bed after lying on the couch in the dark for an hour to get sleepy


THURSDAY AUG 22 (day 29)

10:00am Woke up
11:00am Got out of bed. It was my first night using the weighted blanket I got. Was a little hot, so I didn’t use it most of the night until morning.
11:15am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
12:00pm CBT session. Left feeling much more at ease.
2:30pm Ate lunch
7:30pm Ate dinner
11:15pm Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine
1:15am Went to bed


FRIDAY AUG 23 (day 30)

10:00am Woke up
10:15am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
11:45am Ate lunch
7:00pm Ate dinner
11:15pm Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine
11:30pm Went to bed


SATURDAY AUG 24 (day 31)

6:15am Woke up, on purpose
6:30am Light breakfast
8:00am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
8:15am Second breakfast snack
2:15pm Lunch
7:45pm Dinner
11:15pm Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine
2:30am Went to bed


SUNDAY AUG 25 (day 32)

9:45am Woke up
10:20am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
10:30am Light Breakfast
1:00pm Lunch
5:30 Dinner
12:45am Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine, got stuck out later than I had planned for.
2:30am Went to bed

MONDAY AUG 26 (day 33)

9:30am Woke up, lay in bed for another hour or so. A little underlying sadness/loneliness, but I wouldn’t say anxiety. I think it’s from waking up alone in an empty house after waking up next to somebody for 5 years. When I am feeling better anxiety/OCD-wise, my mind’s focus seems to shift to missing my ex and the companionship I no longer have. Which I guess could also be due to my Obsessive tendencies. I feel like I’d rather be around others ALL the time. I am hoping the loneliness is something that will ease up for me as I get to feeling better on the anxiety and OCD side of things.
11:30am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
12:00pm Light breakfast/lunch
1:00pm CBT session
3:00pm Lunch
7:30pm Dinner
12:15am Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine
2:00am Went to bed


TUESDAY AUG 27 (day 34)

9:30am Woke up. Briefly went back to sleep a couple times.
11:00am Got out of bed.
Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
11:30am Ate small breakfast/lunch
Noticing a strange pulsing vibration in my left thigh, almost feels like a muscle twitching deeper inside my leg that I cannot see or feel with my hand.
It’s coming in pulses almost like a heartbeat, but then will stop and come back intermittently.
2:00pm Had a snack, saving appetite for dinner at the baseball game tonight.
3:00pm Started reading the Akathisia thread on the forums to see if my leg issue sounded similar to anything on there. Still not sure, but letting it go for now.
7:00pm Dinner at the game
12:00am Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine
2:00am Went to bed


WEDNESDAY AUG 28 (day 35)

10:30am Got out of bed after lying there for a while. Vitamin D3 4,000 IU
11:00am Light breakfast
3:00pm Big Lunch
9:30pm Snacks
12:00am Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine 
3:00am Went to bed


I now have a constant feeling (of varying degree) of what I have been calling “light-headedness”, but I believe it is actually a very mild version of the depersonalization feeling, because it is constant at varying degrees and I do not have dizziness or other symptoms related to light-headedness, besides getting vertigo sometimes after maybe standing up too fast. I have not been that nervous about the depersonalization sensation because I have felt this feeling before as a kid, probably after trying medications or switching to find one that worked, but I am hoping (like everything else) that it does not get much worse.
I find myself getting nervous about what symptoms might hit me as time wears on. I’m now nearing the 2-month mark after taking my last ~5-ish mg dose on July 2nd (after tapering too fast and then alternating days), and I am now 5 weeks into my reinstatement attempt.

Even with the slight physical symptoms considered, the last 6 or 7 days I have actually felt a good bit better, mostly mentally. My appetite is pretty much back to normal. My mind has not been terrorizing me as much as it was before my CBT session last Thursday. Honestly, I’m not sure what to think about it. I’m not getting too excited about anything, progress or not. In the absence of some of the anxiety/OCD issues, I have noticed I begin feeling the loneliness more that was there before. I also still have a slight lingering bleak feeling but it’s mainly about the loneliness and uncertainty of the additional symptoms that could possibly hit me soon, as well as other life ponderings/decisions. But the living day-to-day has become a bit easier.

Hoping this is not just a long window, but instead maybe a sign that my main issue has been my natural OCD, and that being able to restructure my ways of thinking is in-fact having a huge impact. Who knows.
 

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DavidfromTexas

THURSDAY AUG 29 (day 36)

 

11:00am Got out of bed after lying awake for a half hour. Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

11:30am Light breakfast 

3:30pm Lunch

8:30pm Dinner

11:30pm Took 8 beads (1.33mg) duloxetine 

2:00am Went to sleep

 

 

FRIDAY AUG 30 (day 37)

 

10:00am Woke up and lay in bed for a while. My body is waking me up around the same time everyday no matter what time I go to sleep. So I guess I’ll try to go to sleep earlier and see how early I wake up. 

11:00am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

12:30pm Big lunch

6:30pm Dinner

11:00pm 1.5 mg Duloxetine

11:15pm Went to bed, fell asleep after a while

 

 

SATURDAY AUG 31 (day 38)

 

9:00am Got out of bed. 

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

9:15am Light breakfast

1:30pm Light lunch

6:00pm Dinner

11:00pm 1.5 mg Duloxetine

11:30am Went to bed

12:15am Unable to sleep, feeling some tightness in my chest. Still being bothered by a lot of thoughts about the future and trying to decide the path to take all day

 

 

SUNDAY SEPT 1 (day 39)

 

8:45am Woken up for church

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

12:30pm Lunch

6:00pm Dinner

10:30pm 1.5mg duloxetine

12:00am Went to bed

 

MONDAY SEPT 2 (day 40)

 

10:00am Got out of bed

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:30am Light breakfast 

2:15pm Lunch

7:30pm Dinner

10:45pm 1.5 mg duloxetine

12:30am Went to bed

 

TUESDAY SEPT 3 (day 41)

 

8:45am Woke up. Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

12:00pm Lunch

7:30pm Dinner

10:30pm 1.5mg Duloxetine

12:00am Went to sleep

 

WEDNESDAY SEPT 4 (day 42)

 

9:00am Woke up for good

9:30am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:00am Light breakfast

1:30pm Lunch

6:30pm Dinner

11:00pm 1.5mg duloxetine

12:50am Went to bed

 

 

THURSDAY SEPT 5 (day 43)

 

8:45am Woke up, mind racing, struggled to get back to sleep

10:20am Finally just got out of bed

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:45am Breakfast

11:00am The racing mind this morning has seemed to cause some anxiety for me. I am also feeling a decent amount of light-headedness/depersonalization/I’m still not sure. 

4:30pm Snack

6:30pm Dinner

11:00pm 1.5mg duloxetine

12:50am Went to bed. But didn’t fall asleep for at least an hour. 

 

 

FRIDAY SEPT 6 (day 44)

 

9:30am Woke up. Had trouble sleeping during the night, woke up frequently and couldn’t go back to sleep for a while. Maybe due to being nervous about going back to LA. 

10:40am Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

11:00am Breakfast

6:30pm Dinner

11:40pm 1.5mg Duloxetine

11:45pm Went to bed

 

Ended up rescheduling my flight back to LA for a week from tomorrow. 

 

SATURDAY SEPT 7 (day 45)

 

10:00am Got out of bed

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:15am Light Breakfast

1:00pm Lunch

7:00pm Dinner

12:00am 1.5 mg duloxetine

1:00am Went to bed

 

Been feeling more at ease again, probably because I was probably just anxious about going back. 

 

 

SUNDAY SEPT 8 (day 46)

 

9:30am Got out of bed 

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:00am Light breakfast 

1:00pm Lunch

6:00pm Dinner

12:30am 1.5 mg duloxetine 

1:00am Went to bed

 

MONDAY SEPT 9 (day 47)

 

10:00am Got out of bed 

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:30am Light breakfast

2:45 pm Lunch

6:30pm Dinner

12:00am 1.5 mg duloxetine

Went to bed

 

TUESDAY SEPT 10 (day 48)

 

10:00am Got out of bed

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

1:00pm Lunch

7:00pm Dinner

Feeling anxious after being triggered by an article I read. I have also been feeling down about the state of my life for most of the day. 

11:45pm 1.5 mg duloxetine

1:30am Went to bed

 

WEDNESDAY SEPT 11 (day 49)

 

10:30am Got out of bed. I was able to sleep pretty well, I think. My mind got tired by the end of the night and I was falling asleep so I guess that’s the trick when I’m having those issues. Stay up till I’m falling asleep. 

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU. 

11:45am Light Lunch

12:00pm My mind is still tormenting me today. It feels as though it just won’t rest. That restless mind paired with the obsessive thoughts I’ve been being bombarded with feels like my mind wants to torment me and not let me feel at ease. 

9:45pm Dinner

12:15am 1.5 mg duloxetine

12:20am Went to bed

 

 

THURSDAY SEPT 12 (day 50)

 

10:00am Got out of bed

Vitamin D3 4,000 IU

10:30am Light breakfast 

3:00pm Lunch

5:45pm Light dinner

8:15pm More dinner

12:30am 1.5 mg duloxetine

2:00am Went to bed. Trying to stretch my days later to make the transition back to pacific time easier.

 

I AM nervous about going back to LA. I’m not sure how much harder it’s going to be for me to handle the obsessions and anxiety being there without the extra comfort of knowing I am home where my support system is. 

 

The mental turmoil I have felt so far has mainly been obsessing over common OCD themes, and the anxiety that comes because of that obsessing, and the down/ slight depressive outlook that can come with OCD. 

 

Still feeling a bit of the “light-headedness”/“floaty” feeling, though I have gotten used to it being there. 

Edited by DavidfromTexas

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