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Drug withdrawal emotions

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Ella56

Tonight i am feeling sick feelings in my stomach. Shaky, hopeless, i just dont know how to do these feelings anymore. I cant believe i have went through this from a drug.. It feels worse the vulnerability. I feel afraid to be alone  cant sleep then i try to cry to get it out. Feel so messed up. This is 5 months without Celexa. I already went through so much trauma. These feelings feel more unreal. 

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Ella56

Tonight i am feeling sick feelings in my stomach. Shaky, hopeless, i just dont know how to do these feelings anymore. I cant believe i have went through this from a drug.. It feels worse the vulnerability. I feel afraid to be alone  cant sleep then i try to cry to get it out. Feel so messed up. This is 5 months without Celexa. I already went through so much trauma. These feelings feel more unreal. I am really scared how to get through this.

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jeremy1069

Hang tight. It will pass. At my worst I had agonizing insomnia and could not stand it anymore. I constantly obsessed over my age and the past. Broke down to tears enough to wear down a bunch of strong paper towels designed to hold water and acted out in public in ways I could not imagine.

 

It has since evolved to mostly annoying skin burning and depersonalization which is manageable. More to go, but better than before.

 

If you hang on, just ride it out you’ll slowly evolve out of it. This is not you, this is your brain struggling to rewire itself on a frying pan. Like a car struggling to start but eventually gets running. Keep that in mind. You will return to who you are once the process is finished.

 

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Ella56
2 minutes ago, jeremy1069 said:

Hang tight. It will pass. At my worst I had agonizing insomnia and could not stand it anymore. I constantly obsessed over my age and the past. Broke down to tears enough to wear down a bunch of strong paper towels designed to hold water and acted out in public in ways I could not imagine.

 

It has since evolved to mostly annoying skin burning and depersonalization which is manageable. More to go, but better than before.

 

If you hang on, just ride it out you’ll slowly evolve out of it. This is not you, this is your brain struggling to rewire itself on a frying pan. Keep that in mind. You will return to who you are once the process is finished. 

 

 

How long ? It seems worse..wouldnt it be easier to go back on meds? Are you on any?

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jeremy1069

I’m on no SSRI’s at all. Still on Lorazepam (Ativan) I began tapering off SSRIs in July 2018 and stopped completely in January 2019.

 

I was slightly better Mid-Late Summer 2019. Had a really bad bout of insomnia in late May 2019 but was feeling a bit better in July. You’re 5 months in, give it a few more. There will be some ease over time, you might feel optimistic as if the symptoms are going away and then they come crashing back for a few days. Don’t take that as a fail. It just happens.

 

Try not to take the pills again. No matter how bad you might feel the urge to. It’s not worth the 5 months you have struggled. 5 months is a good chunk of the overall process. When I feel urges to go for the Zoloft again, I stop and remember how long I have been off it and how far I have come and what I have gone through to get even to this point. 

 

For sleep, try melatonin if it’s available where you are over the counter. CBD Oil might be of minor assistance if it’s available to you.

 

Once the weather warms up, if you’re able take walks, go get fresh air and sunlight. Go to the nicest public place you know. Could be a park, a beach, etc. Take in the surroundings. 

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Onmyway

Hi Ella, 

reinstatement at this stage can be tricky it seems from the experiences of people around. It could also lead to what is known as kindling - more severe reaction to both reinstatement and a harder time coming off if you decide to come off. 

 

I looked at your signature and something must be wrong - paxil and zoloft were not available at the dates that you have them listed - they were not approved then. You must have been on other meds. The reason this may be important is that it may impact your risk of kindling.

 

I'd also urge to try to get through the days - one step at a time. Things do get better albeit  slowly. Hang in there! 

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Ella56
46 minutes ago, jeremy1069 said:

I’m on no SSRI’s at all. Still on Lorazepam (Ativan) I began tapering off SSRIs in July 2018 and stopped completely in January 2019.

 

I was slightly better Mid-Late Summer 2019. Had a really bad bout of insomnia in late May 2019 but was feeling a bit better in July. You’re 5 months in, give it a few more. There will be some ease over time, you might feel optimistic as if the symptoms are going away and then they come crashing back for a few days. Don’t take that as a fail. It just happens.

 

Try not to take the pills again. No matter how bad you might feel the urge to. It’s not worth the 5 months you have struggled. 5 months is a good chunk of the overall process. When I feel urges to go for the Zoloft again, I stop and remember how long I have been off it and how far I have come and what I have gone through to get even to this point. 

 

For sleep, try melatonin if it’s available where you are over the counter. CBD Oil might be of minor assistance if it’s available to you.

 

Once the weather warms up, if you’re able take walks, go get fresh air and sunlight. Go to the nicest public place you know. Could be a park, a beach, etc. Take in the surroundings. 

 

24 minutes ago, Onmyway said:

Hi Ella, 

reinstatement at this stage can be tricky it seems from the experiences of people around. It could also lead to what is known as kindling - more severe reaction to both reinstatement and a harder time coming off if you decide to come off. 

 

I looked at your signature and something must be wrong - paxil and zoloft were not available at the dates that you have them listed - they were not approved then. You must have been on other meds. The reason this may be important is that it may impact your risk of kindling.

 

I'd also urge to try to get through the days - one step at a time. Things do get better albeit  slowly. Hang in there! 

Hello  I may be wrong on dates but i took them before. How will they impact me? What is kindling? 

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Ella56
47 minutes ago, jeremy1069 said:

I’m on no SSRI’s at all. Still on Lorazepam (Ativan) I began tapering off SSRIs in July 2018 and stopped completely in January 2019.

 

I was slightly better Mid-Late Summer 2019. Had a really bad bout of insomnia in late May 2019 but was feeling a bit better in July. You’re 5 months in, give it a few more. There will be some ease over time, you might feel optimistic as if the symptoms are going away and then they come crashing back for a few days. Don’t take that as a fail. It just happens.

 

Try not to take the pills again. No matter how bad you might feel the urge to. It’s not worth the 5 months you have struggled. 5 months is a good chunk of the overall process. When I feel urges to go for the Zoloft again, I stop and remember how long I have been off it and how far I have come and what I have gone through to get even to this point. 

 

For sleep, try melatonin if it’s available where you are over the counter. CBD Oil might be of minor assistance if it’s available to you.

 

Once the weather warms up, if you’re able take walks, go get fresh air and sunlight. Go to the nicest public place you know. Could be a park, a beach, etc. Take in the surroundings. 

Hello, i went off my meds in 1 months after 12 years or so. Why not go back on it would take the symptoms away and then i could taper off properly and maybe less wd? Just trying to figure it out

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Ella56
1 hour ago, jeremy1069 said:

Hang tight. It will pass. At my worst I had agonizing insomnia and could not stand it anymore. I constantly obsessed over my age and the past. Broke down to tears enough to wear down a bunch of strong paper towels designed to hold water and acted out in public in ways I could not imagine.

 

It has since evolved to mostly annoying skin burning and depersonalization which is manageable. More to go, but better than before.

 

If you hang on, just ride it out you’ll slowly evolve out of it. This is not you, this is your brain struggling to rewire itself on a frying pan. Like a car struggling to start but eventually gets running. Keep that in mind. You will return to who you are once the process is finished.

 

How much lorazepam do u take? Is that harder to get off then ssris? 

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jeremy1069

Hi again. I did what you are describing. I began quitting Luvox in July of 2018 and stopped quit cold turkey. It did not end well I can tell you that.

 

I ended up back on a lower dose just to get out of that hospital and began to taper over that fall.

 

It made virtually no difference. Same withdrawal symptoms. 

 

It might be different for different people, but if it’s been over a month, I’d recommend you keep trying. Starting up again could just set you back and make the process take longer.

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Ella56

Ok thank you Jeremy. What you are saying is even if i taper properly i will or could have same symptoms? I took 1mg of celexa tonight. Just once so far. 

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jeremy1069

Symptoms were the same after 1 cold turkey attempt and a proper taper. Makes little difference after a certain amount of time as the medication has already basically rewired your brain. The symptoms are your brain struggling to rewire itself back to where you were before the medication and it takes a long time.

 

As far as Lorazepam, I’ve been on 6MG a day for years. My crooked doctor (Who temporarily lost his license to prescribe controlled substances) is now attempting to cut me off.

 

I quit Lorazepam successfully in 2010 or 2011. I went back to it in March of 2011 after a severe anxiety attack. Quitting Ativan is dangerous. I was taking it without a prescription in 2007 when my OCD began taking over my life. Was given mail order bottles from a co-worker of my mom’s. Was on it for awhile as a kid so I didn’t think much of it. When I ran out, I left the Public Library one day that July to head home. I didn’t make it. I collapsed on the sidewalk and woke up in the ER bleeding. Was told I had a seizure. Happened again that October. Be very careful with quitting those 

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Ella56
2 hours ago, Onmyway said:

Hi Ella, 

reinstatement at this stage can be tricky it seems from the experiences of people around. It could also lead to what is known as kindling - more severe reaction to both reinstatement and a harder time coming off if you decide to come off. 

 

I looked at your signature and something must be wrong - paxil and zoloft were not available at the dates that you have them listed - they were not approved then. You must have been on other meds. The reason this may be important is that it may impact your risk of kindling.

 

I'd also urge to try to get through the days - one step at a time. Things do get better albeit  slowly. Hang in there! 

I told 1 mg of celexa tonight and thinking again maybe i will not take it again. Going back and forth what to do. Will One dose cause kindling? 

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SufferingCelexa

@Ella56 Sorry to hear you are still going through this after 5 months of w/d.  It's been 6 weeks since I w/d from citalopram and my symptoms are similar but I went from 40 to 0 in just 3 weeks.

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Ella56

March 2 evening

8pm omega mag vit e

 

11pm bed slept til 6am. Slept ok only awoke once.

 

8am ringing in my head

 

9am breakfast dizzy 

 

11am met friend told him a bit of what dealing with

 

1pm lunch , highenergy but anxiety not to bad.Took 1 mg celexa

 

4pm feel sometimes frustrated feeling like..screaming it outward or sometimes to punch myself stomach when it feels so bad..its my stomach is where i feel the sick feeling the most..like self harm feeling.

 

6pm dinner had a emotional moment a past event i am still trying to heal. Omega and vit e

 

8pm really too busy of a day. I am trying to take it easy but it wasnt. Trying to put lots of self care in each day. Bath now. 

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Ella56
2 hours ago, SufferingCelexa said:

@Ella56 Sorry to hear you are still going through this after 5 months of w/d.  It's been 6 weeks since I w/d from citalopram and my symptoms are similar but I went from 40 to 0 in just 3 weeks.

Sorry. I hope you gets lots of advice to deal with this. Moderators here are very knowlegeable. So sorry, i know how it is, not easy.

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Ella56

@Happy2Heal how was your year from 2016 to 2017? Was the tapering time not to bad? Looking for hope

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Ella56

These neuro emotions feel like you are being tortured. That is what i think someone would feel if they where going through that. I know i am being depressing but thats what it is to me. I tried to explain to a friend but she couldnt understand. 

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Happy2Heal
9 hours ago, Ella56 said:

@Happy2Heal how was your year from 2016 to 2017? Was the tapering time not to bad? Looking for hope

I have to be honest with you Ella56, it was the most difficult year of my life, BUT that said, the symptoms were always improving.

I was able to do things that I  now have fond memories of, and I can barely remember the hard stuff.

but it was hard.

I got thru it by remembering that we need only and literally CAN ONLY live one day at a time, one hour or one moment at a time

we can get thru most anything just a minute at a time, right?

I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%

 

I used a lot of the coping skills and self care suggestions that are listed on this forum, and kept busy and distracted myself when  necessary and kept doing things even when I didn't feel like it.

 

I celebrated each improvement. I was always looking for them, and I highly recommend actively looking for even the tiniest signs of improvement.

It will bolster your mood, it will let you know that you are indeed healing. Gratitude journals are also very helpful

 

I have to go out soon, but I took a quick look at a few of your most recent posts, you are already able to sleep from 11 to 6 am? that's fantastic!! you are already miles and miles ahead of where I was, I had severe insomnia for a couple of years. 

 

 

 

if you looked at my signature, you already know I have a very long drug history so I don't know how helpful it is to compare my journey to yours.

Except to realize that if someone with over 40 yrs of being on psych meds can fully recover, you have every reason to have a lot of hope :)

 

 

will read more of your thread later

 

 

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Ella56
15 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I have to be honest with you Ella56, it was the most difficult year of my life, BUT that said, the symptoms were always improving.

I was able to do things that I  now have fond memories of, and I can barely remember the hard stuff.

but it was hard.

I got thru it by remembering that we need only and literally CAN ONLY live one day at a time, one hour or one moment at a time

we can get thru most anything just a minute at a time, right?

I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%

 

I used a lot of the coping skills and self care suggestions that are listed on this forum, and kept busy and distracted myself when  necessary and kept doing things even when I didn't feel like it.

 

I celebrated each improvement. I was always looking for them, and I highly recommend actively looking for even the tiniest signs of improvement.

It will bolster your mood, it will let you know that you are indeed healing. Gratitude journals are also very helpful

 

I have to go out soon, but I took a quick look at a few of your most recent posts, you are already able to sleep from 11 to 6 am? that's fantastic!! you are already miles and miles ahead of where I was, I had severe insomnia for a couple of years. 

 

 

 

if you looked at my signature, you already know I have a very long drug history so I don't know how helpful it is to compare my journey to yours.

Except to realize that if someone with over 40 yrs of being on psych meds can fully recover, you have every reason to have a lot of hope :)

 

 

will read more of your thread later

 

 

Thank you for your reply @Happy2Heal. I glas you are where you are now. I was just wondering how you felt at the time when you where tapering. I was hoping it wasnt too hard..or better then ct symptoms. 

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Happy2Heal
8 hours ago, Ella56 said:

Thank you for your reply @Happy2Heal. I glas you are where you are now. I was just wondering how you felt at the time when you where tapering. I was hoping it wasnt too hard..or better then ct symptoms. 

I wish I could say it wasnt' difficult but it was.

I see you reinstated 1mg of celexa recently, did you start to feel better after doing so?

reinstating helped to diminish the number of symptoms I had by about half in a fairly short period of time.

and my symptoms were always improving; almost every day, I would notice something had gotten a bit better. I was very watchful for it though. I'd read the book Hardwiring Happiness and knew from what I'd read, that our brains naturally notice bad things more than good, so to feel better, I knew I had to actively LOOK for the good things and hold onto them.

 

I hope you're feeling better today than yesterday

 

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Ella56
2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I wish I could say it wasnt' difficult but it was.

I see you reinstated 1mg of celexa recently, did you start to feel better after doing so?

reinstating helped to diminish the number of symptoms I had by about half in a fairly short period of time.

and my symptoms were always improving; almost every day, I would notice something had gotten a bit better. I was very watchful for it though. I'd read the book Hardwiring Happiness and knew from what I'd read, that our brains naturally notice bad things more than good, so to feel better, I knew I had to actively LOOK for the good things and hold onto them.

 

I hope you're feeling better today than yesterday

 

Sounds like a good book to read. No, woke up with panic. I think maybe the reinstatement is helping. Hard to say how much when I am still have all these feelings. Thank you for your imput!

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Ella56
On 3/3/2020 at 6:05 PM, SufferingCelexa said:

@Ella56 Sorry to hear you are still going through this after 5 months of w/d.  It's been 6 weeks since I w/d from citalopram and my symptoms are similar but I went from 40 to 0 in just 3 weeks.

Thank you. I just saw this  how are you? I know it is hard.

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Ella56

@Happy2Heal @Altostrata  Hello, really struggling. Not sure what i should do. My symptoms of depression are really bad I think worse but i have a hard time gauging. Just dont have any hope of future. Soon my employment insurance will be finished end of March with my income and do not know how I will survive. I dont feel i can work yet. No motivation, feel so emotionally weak, physically weak..pain all over my body and so many other symptoms i have not neen able to name..just surviving. Hard to get out to snything just dont feel safe. I am struggling with getting along with roommate..she is contolling..ocd on stuff.. but also glad I am not alone even though she only understands so much. I went to therapist today but not sure that is good, it brings fear/depression looking at stuff, trying to get over lots of sadness and fear and if anything will ever change. She understood med wd and asked if the ativan is causing me a lot of harm..i didnt know just was focusing on the celexa.

I dont know if i should go up in meds on this reinstatement. Today i feel like going back on meds .like a drug addict would feel..or what i used to do...do i just suffer it out more. Any advice? 

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Colonial

@Happy2Heal "...I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%..."

 

Brilliant...❤️

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Ella56
37 minutes ago, Colonial said:

@Happy2Heal "...I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%..."

 

Brilliant...❤️

I am just afraid this depression is not wd..and it wont go away. 

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Happy2Heal
2 hours ago, Ella56 said:

Any advice? 

it's so hard to know what to say, only you know what you can tolerate

 

I know for me, I had to really concentrate on just getting thru the PRESENT time, without looking ahead too much, nor behind at the past.

I understand that's not easy or even totally practical when you have to make employment decisions and the like, and on that score, I have no idea what to tell you.

 

I think if you concentrate on good self care and being kind to yourself and doing just what you can, you'll get thru it, but again, I'm not inside you so I can't know exactly where you're at.

 

the depression and fear and whatnot are all WD recovery symptoms, and should abate in time.

 

sending you gentle hugs ❤️

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Happy2Heal
8 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

I am just afraid this depression is not wd..and it wont go away. 

there are differing opinions about what depression even is, 

some say it's a thought disorder and changing how you think about things is the "cure",

some say depression and anxiety are always paired and theorize that the depression is a way to force your body to rest from the exhaustion of burning energy while anxious

 

I've also heard that depression is self limiting, regardless of what you do, it goes away. 

 

I honestly don't know what to tell you. 

 

hopefully someone with more knowledge and experience will come along with advice

 

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Ella56
18 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

it's so hard to know what to say, only you know what you can tolerate

 

I know for me, I had to really concentrate on just getting thru the PRESENT time, without looking ahead too much, nor behind at the past.

I understand that's not easy or even totally practical when you have to make employment decisions and the like, and on that score, I have no idea what to tell you.

 

I think if you concentrate on good self care and being kind to yourself and doing just what you can, you'll get thru it, but again, I'm not inside you so I can't know exactly where you're at.

 

the depression and fear and whatnot are all WD recovery symptoms, and should abate in time.

 

sending you gentle hugs ❤️

I feel so much grief...my whole life..uncapable of doing anything.

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Ella56

I am wondering if i should go to higher reinstatement? If i am doing so poorly. I see some people have  when wds where bad. I am on 1mg celexa. I cant do life, work  relationships, exercise or anything. I am going to anxiety to calm course tomorrow if i get up. Everything from my past is hitting me. I went to so much therapy in my life but felt being on meds blocked getting to the issues. I just feel why did i go through all that for nothing. I went througb years of it useless pain and time and years.  Now its coming at me again and i have no strength.  

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Colonial

 

I know my "original condition" depression came back in the WD, but it's a symptom of the WD, just like if you went off of anxiety meds to fast, that would come back too.

It's a Pendulum swing in the brain, it's temporary...

 

BUT IF PEOPLE WANT TO STAY OFF THESE DRUGS FOR GOOD...

They need to learn how to deal with the issues that lead them to be put on them to begin with...

The problem is, now they all have to do that at the same time as dealing with the physical symptoms and WD "induced" depression...

 

And now your grief, as You say, of feeling like it's all been a failure is hitting down upon You...

I think, at least for Me, I've always had a sense of, foreboding uselessness...

Perhaps because It was because I expected too much of myself.

Learning the Art of Acceptance, it really is a gift TO Yourself...

That even though Life never was, is, or will be what You had hoped...

You can learn to make peace with that sadness, and learn that maybe how things are only "APPEAR" as bad as they are...

But in reality, somehow, in the light of Eternity, things will all work out, even if we just can't see how right now..

In the end?

It's all we can hold out for, sitting around grieving for things longer than we should, only steals our future...

It doesn't rectify the past...

 

 

 

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Colonial
34 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

Everything from my past is hitting me. I went to so much therapy in my life but felt being on meds blocked getting to the issues.

Exactly...

So, you have 2 choices, go back higher on the meds, where everything is BLOCKED OUT and you dont get to the issues, and your still miserable...

OR.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, and finally deal with what it was that's held you back all this time...

 

Again, only you know how much you can take, emotional pain wise...

But to reinstate higher than you need to, is just going backwards to the point of wasting all the suffering you've been through trying to get off them....

And why your so hopeless to begin with...

 

But I bet a good part of it, is the WD Induced depression, it will pass, and things won't look as bleak as they FEEL right now as its hitting you

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Ella56
45 minutes ago, Colonial said:

Exactly...

So, you have 2 choices, go back higher on the meds, where everything is BLOCKED OUT and you dont get to the issues, and your still miserable...

OR.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, and finally deal with what it was that's held you back all this time...

 

Again, only you know how much you can take, emotional pain wise...

But to reinstate higher than you need to, is just going backwards to the point of wasting all the suffering you've been through trying to get off them....

And why your so hopeless to begin with...

 

But I bet a good part of it, is the WD Induced depression, it will pass, and things won't look as bleak as they FEEL right now as its hitting you

Can i take ativan? Will it mess me up more? I havent since feb 3 and used to of and on. I dont know how much of this is from that. I dont know how much is too bad. If i feeling like i have to go to hospital ...too bad..if i am feeling like this is too much it will never end and i dont care anymore..its too bad.r..i have gone through to much...is too bad. 

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Colonial

By your signature line, it doesn't seem that you were taking it very regularly, so unless your having a lot of anxiety symptoms, which you dont seem to be...

I think its the WD from the anti depressants.

 

You cant just add random dosages of things now and again without it giving some negative effect.

Only you could decide if the benefit of the drug would out way the negative that would come with it.

 

But you dont mention anxiety much as a symptom, so I dont see why you would.

 

 

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Ella56
1 minute ago, Colonial said:

By your signature line, it doesn't seem that you were taking it very regularly, so unless your having a lot of anxiety symptoms, which you dont seem to be...

I think its the WD from the anti depressants.

 

You cant just add random dosages of things now and again without it giving some negative effect.

Only you could decide if the benefit of the drug would out way the negative that would come with it.

 

But you dont mention anxiety much as a symptom, so I dont see why you would.

 

 

All my muscles and joints hurt head to toe and thought that might help.  I took some tylenol instead.

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Colonial

Unless its true anxiety, I'd stay away from it.

 

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