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Brandon

My Story (Brandon)

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Brandon

I took Prozac (20 mg)/Effexor XR (75 mg) for 14 years, ever since I was 13 years old, after a friend was killed and I became depressed.

After being put on the drugs (originally Zoloft then Paxil) I instantly became rebellious and had a psychotic episode. I went to a psych ward (my 1st trip there) after that; and the Prozac/Effexor regimen then followed. I turned into a rebellious teenager that craved alcohol and I became prone to bad decision making and drug use. This was a stark transition from the normal, quiet, reserved individual I was before. A few years after starting these drugs I started having severe health issues that were seriously affecting my life. Cardiac and lung problems; I had severe chest pain around my heart and I was having a lot of trouble breathing. Also I was having trouble with blood sugar and often felt faint. I was constantly at the doctor.

I was sent to a plethora of specialists after my primary care doctor couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. They had no clue why I couldn't breathe or why I was experiencing chest pain at the young age of 15. I tried inhalers with no results. I tried asthma medication with no results. I tried allergy shots with no results. I went to cardiologists, allergist, et cetera. An Ear, Nose and Throat doctor I finally went to determined the main bronchial tube going to my left lung was 80% closed off. He said he’d seen it once before and wasn’t sure what to do about it.

I suffered with these side effects for years.

I was able to graduate high school.

Then my memory started becoming affected around the age of 18. It became worse and worse and I couldn’t finish college because my cognition had become so awful; comprehension and concentration grew worse and worse. At the age of 27 after constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with me I finally discovered it was the medicine that was to blame.

I got off the medicine too quickly and then went through agony and then psychosis. Then later (and now): full blown insomnia. I went six months with no sleep. I am now determined by a psychiatrist to be bi-polar, or as she put it that I “might be”, and now I am on Seroquel and Depakote and unable to function at all on any level.

My psychotic episode is understood to be signs of my “possible” bi-polar diagnosis, even though it directly correlated with my stopping of the meds, and I’d never experienced anything like it before or since.

I am 28 years old and unable to work, function, or socialize.

Seroquel and Depakote have pretty much confined me to my apartment, specifically my bed. The side effects are God awful.

My family and friends do not believe my claims about my brain damage, health problems and the blame I place on the medicine for my psychotic/manic episode. They won’t look into and see the other side of things. The episode I had is attributed to my “new illness”… I can’t get anyone to see how dangerous and detrimental these drugs are to a persons health and body and brain. This is beyond frustrating. I’m at wits end and I’ve felt so alone in this.

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Neuroplastic

Welcome to the forum, Brandon! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You've come to the right place. We will do all we can to help you. :)

 

I know how it feels when on those drugs. Indescribable. I so know it. But equally well I know this other thing - there's absolutely a way out of it. Believe me. Don't rush things. Tapering it, healing and getting your life back is just a matter of time.

 

I so feel your desperation when you talk about your family not believing it. It's painful. But the most important thing is that *you* already know what is the *real* cause for your suffering. It's the drugs. And there'll come a day when you will free yourself off them. Just patience.

 

Have you already attempted at tapering?

 

Hang in there bravely!

 

I was in Richmond once (just passing), but many many years ago. :)

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angie007

Hi Brandon,

Welcome to this site, and thankyou

for sharing your story. You know its brilliant

that you have made the connection between psyche drugs

and the problems you are having now, and the only way to

get yourself back healthy is to ditch the drugs, very slowly

and work hard with yourself to reach your ultimate goal of

being healthy.

 

Oh and as for the "maybe" diagnosis of bipolar etc,

we have heard that one loads of times with people coming off these

meds, and once the drug is out of your system, the false diagnosis

clears up too hmm how odd.

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Altostrata

... The episode I had is attributed to my “new illness”… I can’t get anyone to see how dangerous and detrimental these drugs are to a persons health and body and brain. This is beyond frustrating. I’m at wits end and I’ve felt so alone in this.

 

Brandon, thanks for joining us here.

 

Please acknowledge your own courage in questioning that diagnosis of "new illness."

 

Antidepressants are discouraged for young people for the very reasons you've recounted. They can cause agitation; they are overstimulating. As a matter of fact, the ONLY antidepressant approved for children is Prozac (not that that was what you needed).

 

If I were you, I would strongly doubt the bipolar diagnosis or emergence of psychosis. This is a typical fallback position for doctors when withdrawal symptoms emerge. They don't know what to call it so they throw it into the bipolar/psychosis basket.

 

Robert Whitaker, in Anatomy of an Epidemic (http://www.robertwhitaker.org/robertwhitaker.org/Anatomy%20of%20an%20Epidemic.html), believes this very pattern of adverse drug reactions and overmedication is responsible for a rise in iatrogenic mental disability.

 

Many of us have had many wrong diagnoses. You might look at Beyond Meds (bipolarblast.wordpress.com/) and read up on Gianna Kali's history. (She's not answering questions anymore or doing much to keep it current, but the information there is good.)

 

Please do not feel alone. There are many, many people like you in the world with iatrogenic (treatment-caused) issues. Some of them are here, and more arriving every day, to share information and support each other.

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Brandy

Welcome, Brandon!

 

As has been pointed out here, it's very, very common for people who go off meds to develop withdrawal symptoms that resemble, at least when describing them, other mental conditions such as bipolar.

 

I think the increasing phenomenon of people in withdrawal being diagnosed with these other psychiatric conditions may be largely due to the fact that the symptoms generally can't be seen on lab tests or quantified. So the doctor has to rely on descriptions, or observations of a patient's behavior. Those can certainly resemble conditions but such conditions aren't the actual cause. Hence - an epidemic of misdiagnoses by doctors who are not likely to know about these withdrawal phenomena except through word of mouth, and that usually happens by sheer chance.

 

I don't know enough about the particular medications you're presently taking, but you have my support and caring, and I think other members of this group may be familiar with those meds. And believe me, people can and do heal and have wonderful lives after recovering from meds!

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Rhiannon

Hi Brandon--Allow me to add my welcome to the others. I'm so glad you're here.

 

I highly, highly recommend reading Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker. I know it's difficult to concentrate and read right now, but you won't regret getting this book. You'll see that your story is one that has happened over and over to so many people. And that the majority of new "diagnoses" of bipolar these days are due to psych meds. (I am also "bipolar"--I'm about as bipolar as I'm a fish, but I got that "diagnosis" too.)

 

You're not sick and you're not psychotic. With extreme care and gentleness, I believe it is possible for you to slowly get off these meds and allow your brain/body to heal and to finish its maturation process that was interrupted by these brain-chemistry-mangling poisons.

 

I'll be honest, I believe you'll probably never be the man you would have been if they hadn't screwed up your brain development at such an early age. But I do believe you can be someone you'll be happy and proud to be, and have a life worth living. Maybe even better than you would have had.

 

Let me emphasize again, however, the need for extreme care and gentleness.

 

And--welcome. We don't just believe you when you say it's the meds that did this to you--we KNOW it. We've been there and we've seen it.

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Brandy

 

I'll be honest, I believe you'll probably never be the man you would have been if they hadn't screwed up your brain development at such an early age. But I do believe you can be someone you'll be happy and proud to be, and have a life worth living. Maybe even better than you would have had.

 

I've dealt at various times with people who got addicted to street drugs (not psych meds) while still in their teens. They do miss out on some life growth experiences, but what I've seen is that once no longer in an altered state by drugs, they make up for lost time in that missed development in quantum leaps that are staggering - and wonderful! - to see.

 

It's like putting a dry sponge in water! They just slurp everything up - with one difference. A wisdom and insight most people never achieve without conscious effort.

 

The sky's the limit for you, Brandon. I'm quite sure of that! :)

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Rhiannon

 

 

I'll be honest, I believe you'll probably never be the man you would have been if they hadn't screwed up your brain development at such an early age. But I do believe you can be someone you'll be happy and proud to be, and have a life worth living. Maybe even better than you would have had.

 

I've dealt at various times with people who got addicted to street drugs (not psych meds) while still in their teens. They do miss out on some life growth experiences, but what I've seen is that once no longer in an altered state by drugs, they make up for lost time in that missed development in quantum leaps that are staggering - and wonderful! - to see.

 

It's like putting a dry sponge in water! They just slurp everything up - with one difference. A wisdom and insight most people never achieve without conscious effort.

 

The sky's the limit for you, Brandon. I'm quite sure of that! :)

 

Thanks, Brandy.

 

I came back here because I wanted to clarify that I didn't mean you wouldn't be just as good as the man you would have been. I realized you might read it that way and I wanted to clarify.

 

If your experience is anything like most people's you will probably be stronger, deeper, more compassionate and wiser for everything you will have learned and been through.

 

I know I can never know what it would have been like to be the woman I would have been if I'd had a safe and normal childhood. I'll never get to be that child, that girl, that woman; I'll never get to live that life.

 

In order to heal and grow and move on, I have found it necessary to face and grieve, and rage about, the truth of that.

 

And I can't say, whoopee, I'm glad things happened the way they did. I've never found it particularly helpful when other people try to point out a "good side" to it.

 

But I know that I've been given great gifts, or maybe I've created great gifts, out of what I've been through. I'm immeasurably grateful for those gifts.

 

There's no question, to me, that you can get your life back, and it'll be as magnificent as you want it to be.

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Brandon

Everyone-

 

Wow. All of the responses so far! Oh my God... I don't know what to say. I want to thank you all for taking the time to respond.

 

Thank you all so much for your kind words, support, and encouragement. I don't know what to say... I am truly overwhelmed... Thank all of you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea how badly I needed this...

 

Neuroplastic:

I have tapered down from 200mg to 50 mg Seroquel. (insomnia is greater; but no side effects other than some itchiness, and mild nausea)

 

Angie:

It did take me a long time to make that connection... But I finally did!

 

surviving:

I totally doubt the bipolar diagnosis, as I've never (outside of withdrawal) experienced anything like that before or since.

 

Brandy:

I do feel like I've missed out on so much in life... I want to become that sponge!

 

Rhi:

It is very hard to concentrate now but I'm going to check out that book.

 

Again; Thank You All.

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summer

Hi Brandon... just wanted to add my welcome. So glad you found us and that you are here! :)

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stan

hi Brandon,

welcome

i know people who were where you are after 13/14 years on these poisons,

after tapering and 2,5 years off, they are really much better, it has not be easy for them, but it has been doable

if you want recover your life, you can do it,

unfortunately with suffering, but it's worth

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compsports

Hi Brandon,

 

I wanted to also welcome you.

 

Damm, your best friend is killed at age 13 and somehow that becomes a mental illness which has led you to be on Seroquel and Depakote. And this is the treatment you receive from doctors who supposedly are these well trained professionals after being in medical school for 10 years? WTF?

 

By the way, after reading your post, it inspired me to email Hugh Laurie, who plays House and suggest that a future show be about a case in which someone was misdiagnosed with various medical ailments when it turned out to be due to psych meds causing horrific symptoms. I provided links to this site and PP.

 

Obviously, the chances of this happening are slim and none. But what the heck.

 

Anyway, my heart goes out to you for what you have experienced. You will prevail in the end.

 

CS

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Altostrata

Brandon, are you taking Seroquel for side effects of Depakote, or vice versa? Or did they just throw you a couple of prescriptions on general principle?

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Brandon

Brandon, are you taking Seroquel for side effects of Depakote, or vice versa? Or did they just throw you a couple of prescriptions on general principle?

 

They just threw me the prescriptions. "You're bipolar... we think". Take these.

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Altostrata

They probably started with Seroquel because of the sleep issues.

 

If I were you, I would taper off the Depakote first. The Seroquel may cushion withdrawal-related insomnia. Don't taper off both at the same time.

 

This is entirely your decision, of course.

 

Will try to find info and put it in the Tapering forum.

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Brandon

They probably started with Seroquel because of the sleep issues.

 

If I were you, I would taper off the Depakote first. The Seroquel may cushion withdrawal-related insomnia. Don't taper off both at the same time.

 

This is entirely your decision, of course.

 

Will try to find info and put it in the Tapering forum.

 

Thank you. Your information and support is invaluable and I greatly appreciate it.

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Altostrata

Brandon, I've been on the phone with CooperRiis http://www.cooperriis.org/overview/index.html in North Carolina to see if they can help you.

 

If your family has means and has bought into the psychiatric diagnosis, sending you for a stay at CooperRiis might make sense to them.

 

It's an impatient facility, quite expensive: $12,500 a month. It sounds very pleasant. One location is a farm and the other is in Asheville.

 

My guess is you might be able to stay for a month or two, get your tapering instructions, and then leave.

 

They say they've seen other people in your situation -- misdiagnosed and overmedicated. Robert Whitaker is one of their allies.

 

I'll have more information about their tapering process tomorrow.

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Brandy

Brandy:

I do feel like I've missed out on so much in life... I want to become that sponge!

 

You will! "Becoming that sponge"... and so much more that is wonderful... is right out there waiting for you!

 

You need to heal and recover first. You will do that. But it's all up ahead and nothing can change that!

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Altostrata

Brandon, I wasn't able to get all the information from CooperRiis I wanted.

 

This is what Debbie told me:

 

Dr. Ken Kallenbach at the farm location has the most experience tapering people off drugs. She said the rate of taper is individual, so I didn't get any details there.

 

The phone number at CooperRiis is (800) 957-5155, email: info@CooperRiis.org.

 

They also look into any health problems and design a regimen to treat them.

 

I'm not saying this is what you should do, just putting it out there as a way to get off the drugs in a supportive environment.

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Brandon

Surviving-

 

Thank you so much for researching that facility and calling about me. You have no idea how much I appreciate what you are doing for me.

 

The place looks very pleasant. I'd love to go there. The location isn't too great a distance from Richmond either. It is very expensive though.

 

I'm planning a family meeting about me soon... My own intervention if you will...

Where I am going to state my case and have fuel based on my research and on as much information as I can get from here and the suggested reading...

 

I really think (I hope she's not just humoring me) that my mother is starting to come around...

Right now I just want to try and get my father on board with me; this will be very difficult, if not impossible. The man is stubborn... He'll most likely never spring for such a thing even if I can get him to side with me...

 

But I saw they do have finance options... it's at least worth a look and a call, perhaps even a visit.

 

It's just nice to know places like that exists...

 

Thank you again!

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Healing

A belated welcome to you, Brandon. I'm beyond sorry you've had to go along the exhausting, frightening, unfair, loooong course you've traveled. Somehow, you have still turned out to be a warm, appreciative, kind, intelligent person anyway! I've already really enjoyed your tone and manner on the board! You're really adding to the warmth.

 

Of course you would like to have your family's acknowledgment and support. I wanted to just understand better all of what that means to you. Are there pragmatic consequences of their believing the drugs are the problem -- like crucial financial support? Is it more an emotional matter for you? Are there specific things they do that are harmful that are based on their inaccurate beliefs?

 

The reason I ask is that it might help us to give you even better support if we knew what was most important to you about trying to persuade your family to believe as we do.

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Brandon

A belated welcome to you, Brandon. I'm beyond sorry you've had to go along the exhausting, frightening, unfair, loooong course you've traveled. Somehow, you have still turned out to be a warm, appreciative, kind, intelligent person anyway! I've already really enjoyed your tone and manner on the board! You're really adding to the warmth.

 

Of course you would like to have your family's acknowledgment and support. I wanted to just understand better all of what that means to you. Are there pragmatic consequences of their believing the drugs are the problem -- like crucial financial support? Is it more an emotional matter for you? Are there specific things they do that are harmful that are based on their inaccurate beliefs?

 

The reason I ask is that it might help us to give you even better support if we knew what was most important to you about trying to persuade your family to believe as we do.

 

Healing-

 

Thank you for your warm welcome. Thank you for the compliments as well! It means the world to me.

I want my family's support with me and their change in belief in the supposed positive efficacy of psychiatric drugs for all of the above reasons that you listed. It's mainly an emotional matter. I need, for my own sanity, them to understand that so many of the things I did in my manic state were not me, they were me going through withdrawal. That it wasn't me making bad decisions it was me on the drugs making bad decisions; my brain was being manipulated; my neurotransmitters were being dictated; it never was truly me. I need for them to truly understand that all of my claims of feeling brain damaged have merit and I'm not lazy or stupid for not being able to finish college. I want them to know that all of my health complaints for the past 13 years have been legitimate and not in my head, that my brain and body have been severely compromised by taking these drugs. I want them to understand why I am so incapacitated now, and unable to function. I don't want sympathy I want understanding. I don't want; "he's just depressed", I want: "he's ill from the toxic meds he's taking now and took in the past". I want them on my team, with the same goal and outcome. Not the outcome my father said after my withdrawal manic state; "you'll have to stay on these drugs your whole life". I want them fighting with me on my side to help me with this.

 

It is a very emotional matter, but if my point can be conveyed, understood and fully believed; the other two problems could potentially be fixed as well. As in; they will stop trying to force drugs down my throat; the whole "well, if these pills aren't working, let's try these pills"; and I will hopefully be given more of a grace period for my withdrawal with yes; the crucial financial support.

My father keeps trying to push me into going back to work right now... but I'm simply to ill to do so.

He makes an unheard amount of money but I'm borderline starving here... He's very tight with money and believes in the drugs.

When I was going through my withdrawal I lost my place to live and he wouldn't help me financially, I was homeless... I had no place to live and no money.

It is a very critical situation.

My mother is broke and gives me all that she can. She's broke from trying to help me with my rent and such.

The guilt and regret I bear are unbelievable.

Her money is all running out.

It really will come down to him; will he leave me high and dry again or can I convince him of what's happened to me and will he be sympathetic to that?

He has never been understanding and as I mentioned before he is very stubborn on his beliefs.

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Healing

Ooof. A beautiful cri de coeur, Brandon. I'm going to digest it and come back to you.

 

The most difficult obstacle is that your father is an MD, so, as Brandy has said, what you want -- although true, right, reasonable, and just -- is also a profound assault on his whole belief system and what he has invested his whole life in and his beliefs about himself as a healer.

 

One practical, possibly beside-the-point question -- if your mother is so willing to help you but financially limited, is it an option for you two to live together temporarily to conserve resources? Your parents live separately?

 

Will think on this more.

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Neuroplastic

if your mother is so willing to help you but financially limited, is it an option for you two to live together temporarily to conserve resources?

I was thinking about the same.

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Healing

OK, here's my two cents.

 

Maybe the best bet is to start by really trying to give your father credit for what's good in his intentions -- somewhere in there, he has *some* good intentions, right? Tell him specific things you appreciate -- even if you don't want to. :)

 

A very important point is to stay as calm and intellectualized as possible while you talk to him / them. You have been labeled manic and psychotic, so now, if you want to be persuasive, unfair as it is, you have to bend over backwards to demonstrate that you are rational.

 

Can you think of anything analogous that your father ever changed his mind on? Some time where he thought one thing, and then got new information, and changed his mind? Could be in another arena -- politics, boat-building, whatever. You can refer to that as part of setting up your argument.

 

You may not be able to win all your points, but if you could just get a wedge in the door to keep it ajar, that would be a good victory. Especially, if you could get some wiggle room on the "forever meds" dogma. Like, "Lets take this one step at a time and see how things go. Science is always improving its understanding. There may be new options for me down the road, whether my problem is the meds or true Bipolar Disorder."

 

I'm not a doctor, and you know we believe in safe, slow tapers on this board. But, I feel strongly people should not be medicated against their will, and we're in an extreme situation with these meds not yet being recognized by our society to be toxic. So, if you have to lie and say you're taking your meds in order to survive, you have my blessing. :)

 

Surely, he must have told some incident once about iatrogenic treatment. You could calmly give that as an example of the possibility of iatrogenesis. Again, just trying to get a wedge in the door.

 

Then, what about writing on paper, preferably using a printer, a plan for how you would taper, goals you would aim for, and indicators of problems that you would watch for. All of this is just to show goodwill, maturity, sincerity, that you've done your homework, and that this is not manic "I don't need my pills. I'm Superman." talk.

 

Remember, justice is on your side, and we're on your side, but it's in your interests to be strategic.

 

What do you think?

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Altostrata

Brandon, you might also consult Dr. Richard C. Shelton at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, http://www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/root/vumc.php?site=psychiatry&doc=9932

 

Dr. Shelton is one of the top experts in antidepressant withdrawal syndrome in the world.

 

If you see him, you might ask him why he doesn't publish more often about severe and prolonged withdrawal syndrome since people are being harmed by it every day.

 

You can tell your father you'd like a second opinion.

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Brandy

OK, here's my two cents.

 

Maybe the best bet is to start by really trying to give your father credit for what's good in his intentions -- somewhere in there, he has *some* good intentions, right? Tell him specific things you appreciate -- even if you don't want to. :)

 

Just a thought - perhaps you could start some conversations with your father in which you could mention how much good medicine does in so many other areas. "Conventional medicine" really is superb, especially in terms of trauma care, surgery, serious illnesses like cancer, and more. Although I prefer natural treatment whenever possible (some natural treatments, that is - there's a lot of bunk in that area as well as more possibilities than most people realized, but that's another topic.) But I'm fond of paraphrasing someone who is an advocate of natural healing (whose name I can't remember) in saying that I know the amazing healing powers of natural remedies, but if I'm ever in a bad accident, for heaven's sake don't take me to an herbalist! :D

 

Anyway, if you can have some talks where you can tell him your admiration for the medical field for the tremendous good that they do, and for him (your father) being part of that, but that you've learned by your own experience that psychotropic medicines just make things worse for some people, maybe you could have a real conversation without "drama."

 

If that becomes possible, maybe you could give him a copy of Whitaker's book, or perhaps one of the others listed in Punar's thread might deal more specifically with what you want him to understand. (I just don't remember; I haven't seen all the books on her list, and it's been years - and when in huge cognitive difficulties - that I've read in books like Breggin's etc.)

 

A book by an M.D. very likely would have more credibility than others - doctors generally don't take seriously things written or said by laymen.

 

You might want to mark certain messages with bookmarks/post-its that are particularly relevant. Once he reads those, he might be interested in reading more. Don't push it, just leave the book with him so he can read more if he's so inclined. He might get curious!

 

(Not knowing your father, I have no idea if these are good ideas or not. You know him, so you'll have to determine that!)

 

And if he doesn't respond to your requests that he read a bit in a book you tell him about, don't push it. As things develop, especially if you can find a doctor who understands about withdrawal who might be able to speak to him as a peer (doctors feel comfortable with that!), he might later want to check out that book with a more receptive frame of mind...

 

P.S. My father was very stubborn too (he wasn't a doctor, just a person who believed that everything he learned when he was three years old was written in stone and a universal truth!) He readily admitted that he was very stubborn. (He actually did mellow on some things when he was very old... but he never was really open to new ideas, unless it was some new gizmo he was enthusiastic about! So I do understand about dealing with fathers with rigid thinking - your have to tread very carefully, and choose your battles wisely!)

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Brandon

My parents do live separately. They are divorced. I'm currently stuck in a lease that doesn't end until October. I was living with her before I moved into my apartment but my step-father was pushing me out faster than I was ready... I made it clear I wasn't ready to live on my own but I had no choice. My step-father was being as nasty and as mean as possible to get me to leave. He essentially thinks (as far as I can tell) that I'm a lazy unmotivated bum and doesn't understand that my co-dependence, energy, and cognition issues are all due to the medicine. I am nothing but nice to him and he is nothing but nasty back to me, honestly he doesn't really get along with anyone.

So yes that would be a practical idea if there weren't those factors.

 

I'm not manic or psychotic or anything right now and I can talk in a calm reasonable manner. Even with the changes I've made in my dosages. I'm on 1/4th of the amount of Seroquel I was on and 1/2 of the amount of Depakote I was on. No mania or anything has spiked in me. My anxiety has remained the same: consistently high, from full dose to where I am now, it has not gone up or down, however, I feel very uncomfortable in social situations. My communication skills are not so great right now because of this and the serious brain fog I have.

 

I like your suggestions for how I should go about talking to him. Not attacking all of medicine is probably a good idea! I don't think I can recall a time when he mind was changed on an issue, but remember my memory is shot...

 

I am kind of on the fence about telling him my ultimate goal of getting off all of the drugs.

I did tell him that the reason I stopped working was because the Seroquel has left me unable to get out of bed, so he does know I'm tapering off of that... and he knows about my insomnia.

 

Brandy- I like your suggestion about the book(s), and that was something that had crossed my mind; highlighting things in the book that apply...

I think I really like the suggestion of writing it all down on paper.

 

I'll start tonight... and post it on here; see what all of you guys think?

 

Thank you all again, over and over.

I can't say enough about how great everyone in this group is... you guys give me some much needed hope...

 

Apologies for my potentially random sporadic responses, I am very spacey, but I am trying my best. I'm just sorry if I completely forget something or if I continually repeat myself.

 

I just really want you all to know how much I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me.

 

~B

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Brandy

I am kind of on the fence about telling him my ultimate goal of getting off all of the drugs.

I did tell him that the reason I stopped working was because the Seroquel has left me unable to get out of bed, so he does know I'm tapering off of that... and he knows about my insomnia.

~B

 

First of all, don't apologize!

 

I was just cringing when I saw the redundancy when I wrote about possibly needing to taper extra-slow on the thread about pineapples possibly potentiating benzos. Didn't realize I was doing that at all! I do get a lot of interruptions, but also I do often lose my train of thought abruptly, or get tired and take a moment to rest or check email or something, then seem to write what I had just said!

 

So we all understand. I'm still getting my facility with words back. Used to come so easily to me, but for some time felt like I was learning to read and write all over again and still not 100%. Don't worry - this isn't English Comp 101 lol! Just do what you can, when you can.

 

As for what to tell your father about ultimate goal of being drug-free --

 

My thought is to hold off on discussing long-term goals. I think at this time the priority is getting some measure of understanding and support for what you need to do now.

 

I suggest you consider telling him that you've been on meds since a very early age and can't know what is you and what is medication side-effects. That you've been through a lot of developmental stages during these years and that you want to assess where you're at now, and that to do that you need to try being drug-free, with very slow tapering to minimize any rebound or "discontinuation syndrome." Tell him you think once your body has returned to drug-free status is the time to reassess what your present status is.

 

(Doctors relate to terminology and things like that! ;) )

 

:ph34r::D

 

If you taper carefully and slowly and end up with fewer symptoms than you've had with polydrugging, the whole thing may well become a non-issue in the future. If not, we can take it from there and deal with what to do then.

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Altostrata

Brandon, we've all been there. Your story is a very familiar one, not that these situations are easy for anyone.

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