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Hello all ..... brand new here and long long story .  Diagnosed with MDD , anxiety disorder, mostly anxiety disorder 30 years ago when I spent the first of my three inpatient visits in 30 years .  During my second depressive episode I drank for 14 years and went through menopause .  Decided to stop drinking cold turkey, which in my mind I saw no reason that I couldn’t do.  That was four years ago .  Ever since the day I stopped drinking ,I have been in a four year treatment resistant depression. I have taken 48 meds and nothing has given me relief .  All kinds - ssris, Snris, tetracyclics, tricyclics , benzos ,mood stabilizers and antipsychotics.  I have tried to stop twice with no luck and again have had no relief from any med.  All four years everyday I have been on klonipin , which was supposed to be tapered once I found an ad that worked , which I never did - so I remained on the klonipin. I am currently trying Zoloft - don’t know why since all other ssris were disasters - all making my anxiety much worse .  Also Klonopin and now just added seroquel .  I have stopped and started the seraquel already after 8 days of taking it .  It is making me more anxious , agitated , extremely angry ; which I was told by my doctor should not happen with this med .  I started on a dose of 25 then was told to cut to 12.5 because of these side effects and an increase in heart rate .  Bottom line , after four years of treatment I feel I have only gotten worse .  I feel trapped because I cannot get well on the meds or off the meds .  I know I will probably have worse anxiety and depression going off , if that is even possible .  I need help so badly and feel so alone in this .  I am on my third medical leave from work and fear this time I will probably lose my job .  I don’t know where there is a rehab facility that gets you off this stuff - only ones that keep putting you on .  Any help would be greatly appreciated.  I have been suicidal the whole four years and have lost so much .  Thank you for listening . 


Edited by Shep
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome @Molly1234


I'm sorry to hear this. You sound like you have been through a lot. Would you mind writing a signature so that we can better help you? It gives us the most important information. Here is how to do it and what to include:


How to write a signature


Do you have any ways of coping with the anxiety and depression right now? There is a lot of good information on here about learning to cope with anxiety and other things. Even if it's written for people in withdrawal, I would say it's great for anyone to learn them. It takes practice and time, but it is so worth it to be able to live a good life without the drugs I think. Here are two links to get you started, if you should be interested:


Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms


Ways to cope with daily anxiety



It's usually a good idea to make as few changes as possible during this, since changing drugs too often can make things worse than they already are. That especially applies when tapering.


The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.


I think you will definitely recover if your body is just given enough time to heal on its own.

This is your own introduction topic where you can ask questions and get support from others. The first step is to write a signature.

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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