MY story BRapsidy

[Altostrata]

That's very interesting. He has seen prolonged withdrawal syndrome. If you remember his name, could you send it to me in a personal message?

 

It seems you probably will recover within months, given how well you've done so far.

 

He was correct, you are hypersensitive to medications. You'll have to be careful about this for a long time, maybe years.

 

Is it very hot where you are? I've found I need to use a powder to keep from getting rashes from sweating. I like Columbia Antiseptic Powder, you can get it on Amazon. I have sensitive skin and can be allergic, it seems to be fine.

[BRapsidy]

No problem. I will send you his info if I can find it in all my hospital paper work. I am very thankful for how fast I have recovered and it really seems like all my set backs are due to having to take medications, which is frustrating when you have thrush or strep throat and HAVE to take medication. I have noticed that I am able to handle the side affects a LOT better then at first. The symptoms I was having the other night would have landed me in the hospital in May. Now I can talk myself through it. I just keep reminding myself that these are just adverse reactions and yes it sucks, but it will go away. I will not die from this. Still sucks going through it though and dread anytime I get a prescription. I am optimistic about the dyflucan. I took it over 3 hours ago and it says it penetrates your system within 2 hours and I feel no side effects. I think that is a good sign!!

 

Yes when I am not on medications I do feel back to my normal self and feel like I am 100% better. I just wish my immune system was stronger right now. I know I have been through a lot of stress from having a c-section, having my 3rd baby, and WD. Now I just need to not get sick. I live in Virginia and this summer has been bad with the humidity. I will give the powder a try. I am so happy that fall is just around the corner and then winter, my favorite time of year.

[BRapsidy]

Well today started out not so well. I managed to get my oldest on the bus before all hell broke loose. I started to get light headed and my head felt tingaly, like someone was massaging the inside of my brain, which lead to a panic attack and I felt like I was crawling out of my skin and my chest felt tight. Thankfully I was able to reach my dad who talked to me till I was able to at least calm down and ride the wave. I came out of it after about 2 hours and was able to continue my day. Now my head is feeling weired again and I am trying to focuse on something else so that I do not have another panic attack. I am so tired of trying to figure it all out. Tired of wondering what caused it or would this set back have happened no matter what. Was it the diflucan? Is it my synthroid? Or is it just going to happen and I will have to deal with these episodes the rest of my life? I guess in the long run it really doesn not matter what trigers it all since I have to take the Diflucan and the synthroid. Have to say I am not looking forward to taking the diflucan again next week. So if it is one of these then I just have to get through it the best I can. At least I was able to sleep better last night, which helped me get through the day better than I would have on no sleep.

I also should be thankful for the few hours of feeling ok that I had. I was able to watch my child play and enjoy his day without him knowing anything was going on with me. Now to pull myself together so I can eat dinner with my family. Again Going through all of this makes me wish more and more that I lived closer to my family and had them there for more support.

[BRapsidy]

The last four days were miserable. I felt like I was almost two steps away from square one (at least there is small improvement when I hit my waves). Wednesday started it all off after I took the dyflucan. On Thursday I called my doctor to tell him what I experienced and he told me to discontinue using dyflucan and he would order me the cream. I am kind of mad since I asked him to just prescribe the cream to begin with. On Friday I was well enough to go to another DR appointment and function half way. On Saturday the wall came down and a lot of my symptoms came rushing back. I am thankful that the blood pressure did not top out as high as it has in the past. It took me about 2 hours to regain some sort of control over myself. I was able to talk my husband into taking a drive to occupy my time. That probably helped me more than he will ever know.

 

On Sunday I felt so worn down from all the interrupted sleep from the last week. I just stayed in bed and cried most of the day. I felt so helpless and depressed. I think for me the depression might be the hardest to deal with since I never really had depression in my life. I kept telling my hubby that I felt damaged and that I wasn't sure I would ever come out of this. I just felt like I was at the end of my rope, and maybe I need to be on medication. Thankfully about 5pm the depression began to lift, but the jitteriness cranked up again. This time I just got on my tread mill and walked, surprising it only took about 30 minutes to calm down and I was able to go downstairs to help fix dinner. My husband expressed to me how scared he was, he has never seen me like this. I am sure it is hard for him to watch or to understand what I am going through. He is worried that when he is not home and I am with the kids and have these moments it might overwhelm me to the point I cannot handle it. This hurt me, because I know he was scarred I might do something drastic. Once I was able to speak clearly I told him that when I am going through these really low points I just keep telling myself that these are Nero emotions, they will go away. I tried to explain to him that if this was real depression I would not all of the sudden be able to get up and start cooking dinner in four hours. I also reassured him that if I EVER felt like it was too much he would be the first to know. I was raised by a mother who could not handle her depression and often hurt herself in front of me. I know what that was like as a child and I would never put my kids through something like that. I just hope he believes me. I know when to reach out for help that is when I call my dad or him at work to talk.

 

Thankfully today was much better!! I was able to get dressed, get blood work done, and take the kids out to play. I did have some mild feelings of clawing myself out of my skin, but for once I just rode the wave instead of trying to fight it and found that it wasn't so bad. With each wave I am learning valuable lessons that help me get through it easier and easier each time. Now I am battling allergies and doing all I can to keep it from progressing into a sinus infection. I think even if it does develope into an infection I will reject any drug treatment. I just do not have it in me to fight another drug battle.

[BRapsidy]

So nice to have a relitivly nice day. NO anxiety or feelings of panic. The depression has cleared completly..YAY!! I am now just worn out from the rough week and I am battling allergies. It's funny before all of this happened I never took steps to try and prevent my allergies from becoming a sinus infection. Now that I am having all these problems with medication I am doing so much to try and prevent a sinus infection naturally. I am using a saline solution to clear out my nose and sinus cavities, drinking far more water than I usually do, and going to by some apple cider vinigar to add to my water and tea. I have learned that medicine is not always the direction I should go and to try other methodes first. It is sad that it took me going through something like SSRI WD to open my eyes to the world of doctors amd medicines. Now at least I am starting to find a voice and not just be a puppet in the medical examining room.

[peggy]

Hi BR, I just wanted to send you some encouragement. I know what it is like to have 3 small children and not feel 'on top of it' - especially when you have friends or family who appear to breeze through their days.

 

I found being able to spend some alone time was the only way through for me - i had to get up at 4:30am to get it...i would get up and go out for a run to 'clear out the cobwebs' and then come home and do a meditation. I think looking back that was what helped to turn the corner for me with my PPD - I didn't take any medication for it. The early morning exercise helped reduce daytime anxiety and helped me to sleep better at night.

[BRapsidy]

Thank you Peggy!! I almost hope that some of this is PPD so I know at least there will be an end to it. I had mild PPD with my first, but not so much with my second, more of a blues feeling than depression. I look at everyone else who can keep the house together, cook, and spend quality time with each child and I wonder how they do it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my kids with everything that I have in me, but it is a drain physically and mentally. I also feel as if I get no real adult time. When my husband gets home its all about the kids and by the time we get them to bed we are so tired that we just slump on the couch and watch whatever is on the DVR. I think what makes it so hard is not having any family around to help. We do everything ourselves and rarely get time to ourselves. For us to go out it would cost $15 per hour for a babysitter, then the cost of dinner or a movie. We just do not have the money so we save it for important events. I am so jelouse of my friends and family members who do have the help and take it for granted, they have no idea how hard it would be without that support.

 

I usually take some time in the evenings for myself. Take a long bath, read a book, or get out and go shopping for groceries. With school starting up I was going to begin to excersize, but have yet to find the energy. I was so good at excersizing before I got pregnant with the baby. Need to find the motivation, because I know it really helped after my second kid. I am not a morning person so the thought of getting up at 4:30am is horrifying lol. My husband is up at 4:45 getting ready for work and I have no idea how he does it; I would much rather stay up late. I am looking forward to cooler fall weather,as the fall and winter are my seasons!! Everything is so alive to me. Once the weather hits low 80's upper 70's I am outside all the time.

[BRapsidy]

Got my blood tests back and for the most part everything was great. My thyroid levels were perfect, intresting since I requested to go down from 212mcg's to 175mcg's and was told that would probably be too low from my endro. Thankfully my GP was willing to go down on it. The only thing that came back low was my Vitamin D. The doctor wants to prescribe me 50,000IU's once a week for the next 8 weeks. I asked if I could just start with a lower dose OTC to see how my system handles it along with more sun exposer as well as a larger intake of salmon and tuna (more of a reason to enjoy sushi). I was told no that I needed to take my prescription and I shouldn't worry, nobody has reactions to vitamins. I am sooo nervouse about taking in that much all at once. I know that it is a vitamine and it should not have an effect on me, but after all the set backs I have had due to medication I am really scared to go to that extream. I hate that everytime I go to the doctors they just want to shove a pill down my throat. I have decided not to take it for now. I have some infant vitamin D drops that I was giving my daughter since I was breast feeding her. I will start with that to see how I do and move up from there. Plus try to get out in the mid day sun for 20 minutes or so each day. I do not drink a lot of milk, but I guess I can try to up that. I would like to go back to him in 8 weeks with my vitamin D levels fine and say ha see I did it through natural ways rather than taking a damn pill. Sorry I am just so tired of getting pills to fix my problems when there are other methods to try first. If at the end of the 8 weeks my levels are still off then I will try a higher dose of vitamins. Wish me luck.

[Altostrata]

Good idea to start very low with the infant vit D, and slowly work your way up.

 

Yes, sometimes people whose nervous systems have been sensitized by withdrawal report bad reactions to vitamin D.

[BRapsidy]

I am starting to learn that just because a doctor prescribes it doesn't mean I have to fill it. I will take it at my own pace. How long should I do a low dose to see if my body handles it? A few days or a week?

[Altostrata]

I'd go for a week before I decide if I want to increase it, and then increase it a little bit at a time.

[BRapsidy]

This week has been pretty great. Since Wend I have been getting outside for at least 15 minutes a day if not longer, I have been drinking 2-3 glasses of milk, and taking about 300UI of vitamin D (so far I have tolerated it). On Sunday I will go up to 400UI and see how I do. I have only had a few moments here or there where I have felt out of sorts (off balance, a little flutter of the heart) nothing extreme. Last night I even sat and listened to music and danced a bit with my kids. I am hoping this continues without any setbacks, not sure if I could handle another one. I am really trying to live in the moment instead of worrying about what might come next week. When I do start getting pessimistic I have my father and husband here to put me back on the right track. They are always telling me I have to think positive, but after being knocked down so much it is difficult to remain upbeat. I find this to be another hard thing for me to deal with. I was always so positive, always moving forward, but now I am scared to see what is around the corner. I know as time goes on and things continue to get better the negativity with begin to diminish and I will be able to hold my head up without fear of the future.

[BRapsidy]

This week has been fairly normal and going well with no set backs. I find that when I am stabalized I tend to dwell on things and events from the past 4 months or so. I look around at everything that I have let slide in my life. The house is a wreck, not one room is in order. Before all of this started I was a very organized person with a routine. I live for structure and order. Now when I am feeling good I look around at all the pieces I need to start putting together and piece by piece I start getting it done. Then after I am close to seeing my life in order something comes up and blind sides me and all the pieces come apart again. I am so impatient and just want to move on from all of this. I want to get back in shape and workout, but my energy is not fully there. I am getting a full 8 hours of sleep a night, but I wake up and feel as if I have only been asleep for 2 hours. I know that it will take a while for my body to get caught up on what it needs and that working out will probably help relieve some of the tired feelings. For some reason I just cannot get my lazy butt off the couch and get my workout in. I worry about how my husband views me now. I have always concidered myself to be such a strong woman and that is the person he has always known. In the last four months I have become someone who needs people, needs help. I hate that he has seen me in such a weak and vonerable position. I wonder if he looks at me differently? Can he still see the woman he thought was so beautiful? I am not used to feeling like this and I know it is not WD related. It is the effects of what I have gone through and the after math. I am in such awww of others who have gone through far worse and who are more positive than I am. There are days I can look past it and just move forward and it is nice. Then there are days like today where I am so scarred at what tomorrow will bring becasue it could just turn into another nightmare. I know I sound childish and whinny and I am sorry for that. Maybe I should make it a point to come on here and write when I am in a great place so I can come back and read it when I get like this. Thank you for providing me a place to come when I am like this, it does help. Again so sorry to be such a downer.

[tezza]

Dear BRapsidy,

 

I don't think you are lazy at all! Depression and/or WD both cause lack of motivation. I also believe you are possibly experiencing some degree of PPD. Several years ago I watched a talk show on which an MDs wife had ppd and had killed her baby. He stated that PPD had been linked to breast feeding.

 

I had already suspected there was a connection. I had PPD with my first child and it went away immediately when I stopped breast feeding. I didn't try breast feeding with my second and third child and had no PPD.

 

Thinking of you and wishing you well!

 

Hugs and love,

 

Tezza

[BRapsidy]

Tezza Thank you for your warm thoughts.Intresting about the breast feeding, I stopped about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I do think I have some PPD (sucks when you add WD to that) and thankfully it was never so bad that I thought of hurting my baby. Funny I just came on here because today was actually a great day. I wanted to do what I said I would do, which is write on a good day so when I am down or not feeling great I have this to look on and know it will get better. I was able to make it to a playdate (I am the organizer of a mommy group), get some errands done for the PTO, cook dinner, and make a handfull of hairbows I want to sell in a consignment sale. I had mild symptoms, jittery feelings in my chest and a bit of virtigo/dizzyness (wonder if it is due to my cycle starting?), but I pressed through without giving it much thought. I just told myself not today, today is about me and spending time with my kids and doing things that I want. It felt great to get back into full swing of things and to acomplish things that I have wanted to do for a while now. My husband keeps telling me to start small, everyday think of just one thing I would like to do or get done. Then when I do that one thing he celebrates my accomplishment with me. Today it was nice to get more than one thing on my list done and I am looking forward to what tomorrow will bring me.

[tezza]

Hi BRapsidy,

 

You sound like a really good mother to your children. WD is hard but I think you are handling it very well.

 

I'm sure you are also very fatigued taking care of little ones. That's a full-time job in itself. Don't be too hard on yourself, just enjoy your family. It sounds like your husband understands.

 

I never wanted to harm my baby when I had PPD either.

 

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better!

 

Love,

 

Tezza

[BRapsidy]

Thank you tezza. Parenting is probably one of the hardest things I will ever do in this life time. You do not know how much reading your words means to me. Thank you again!!

[BRapsidy]

Well it has been awhile since I have posted any updates so I thought now would be a good time to check in. Sorry I have not been as active as I would like to be, but life seems to be speeding up. For the last 5 weeks things have been going really good. I seem to be able to keep up with all the kids, cook dinner, and some what keep the house clean. I can smile and laugh with my kids. I even managed to start working out some of this time. My husband has said over and over it seems like I am back to my old self. My symptoms for the last 4 weeks were pretty much gone except a few moments of panic or headaches. I did feel really tired, but able to sleep at night.

 

I have had some stress the last two weeks. I lost a good friend do to all that has been going on with me. This friend informed me that when all these things started with me she thought I was going through PPD. I had called her crying, just needing someone to talk to, and told her I wasn’t sure I made the right decision on having a third baby and that it would have been nice if I had a support system here to help me get through everything. I talked about how hard it was going through this without family in town. Later she told me that when I made that call to her she did not know how to react. That it was difficult for her to listen to. She had always wanted a baby, but was unable to have one. She had a hard time hearing me say some of the things I was saying. She felt like I wanted my baby so bad and talked about wanting her for years then I was blessed with pregnancy and now I was second guessing it. She felt like I just needed to man up and take responsibility for my baby. Then she said over time she realized it was more than PPD. I asked her if it mattered if it was PPD or Serotonin withdrawal. She could not answer that for me. Those words hurt so badly and I cried for hours. This friend has known me for 6 years and knows what a great mother I am and how much I love my kids. I would have thought she would have known how hard this has been on me and how guilty I have felt over the last 5 months. I am just now getting to the point to where I feel like I am back to my old self and feeling the love for my kids again. Then to hear what she was thinking of me was just a shock to the system. I felt like she was kicking me over and over while I was down. Now our 6 year friendship is over.

 

Last week I was able to travel, with my two youngest kids, back to Florida by myself. It was a great week, got to see lots of friends and do many things with my kids. I had a blast. However, on the ride home I started to experience symptoms again. The headaches seem to be more frequent, but only a tiny bit worse in pain level, I am getting dizzy and my legs are feeling heavy with some soreness to them. The palpitations are back, but usually when I am tired seems to be when it is the worst. I do not think I have blood clots, got that test done when I was pregnant and that was about January. I stay active and the legs are not red or tender. The dizziness is not new, but have not had this symptom for a while. The headaches have always been there, with a few days of relief before the pain starts again. The pain is tolerable most days and I can get through it without medication. The palpitations I got checked out and my heart was fine and that was in May and June. I just was so excited about going 4-5 weeks without feeling out of sorts. This was the longest I had gone without feeling out of control. I do have to say I am still functioning throughout the day and these symptoms are not debilitating, but they have heightened my anxiety and I am trying to do my breathing and relaxing (as much as I can with my full load). I am trying to remain logical and not let my emotions and anxiety carry me away. Most remember to stay grounded. I was so optimistic that I was nearing the end of all this madness. I hope this is just a short phase and it will all go away as fast as it came on. . I wonder if this is really all withdrawal related or if this is all new and should go to the doctor?!?.

[BRapsidy]

I went to the doctor on Thursday for the almost daily headaches I have been getting, the leg pains, and the dizziness. After discussing my headaches he decided that I have chronic daily headaches with underlying migraines. He then prescribed me Toprol XL 25g a day. After researching the prescription and seeing that some people have difficulty getting off of it I have decided not to begin taking it. Not sure if I am just being paranoid or not, but it triggers all my anxiety. Like Zoloft you have to come off of this slow and one can have reactions coming off of it. I cannot relieve anything close to what I went through coming off of Zoloft again. I looked up chronic headaches and it said it could be caused by depression and anxiety so I think I will just suffer through them, take over the counter medicines and hopefully as time goes on they will subside.

 

My anxiety has come down a bit since last week. Every pain and every weird feeling I was getting I thought I was going to die. I thought the leg pains were blood clots, the headaches was a brain tumor. Fortunately when I started having these thoughts I was able to calm myself by using rational for the most part. Thankfully these continued thoughts are starting to subside and I do not feel as anxious. Hope this continues

[peggy]

Thanks for the update BRapsidy - it's amazing how careful we become about medications after trusting Dr's isn't it? I think you are wise to be cautious before taking any medication that needs to be taken every day and that can have problems coming off.

 

Good job not engaging in those anxious thoughts. When you engage you actually strengthen them - by not engaging (even though that is difficult), you are reducing their potency.

[Altostrata]

How long have you been having the headaches?

 

Have you tried magnesium and Epsom salt baths?

 

See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2871-healing-bath-for-anyone-who-hurts-or-simply-needs-to-relax-httpwpmep5nnb-7wj/

[BRapsidy]

Thanks Peggy. It amazes me how fast I was to take a prescription from the doctors and fill it without thinking about it. I have to say I wish I was still ignorante since that would mean I never went through all of this.

 

Alto I have always had headaches. I tended to average about one or two a week. For the last few months I get them about 4 times a week (most of the time I can function), with an occassional break. This last break has been about 5 days without a strong headache. I still get mild headaches, which do not interupt my day, but they go away within an hour or so. I have taken a few epson baths and they do help ease the stress and calm me down. I keep forgetting to get the mag. though.

[BRapsidy]

I found this guy intresting.

 

 

Ben Goldacre: What doctors don't know about the drugs they prescribe

[BRapsidy]

Wow! It has been about 8 months since I have been on here. I just wanted to check in and say that life has been pretty good. For about 90% of my time I am living symptom free. I am getting my energy back slowly, but it is def not all back. Boy I could use a weeks vacation away from the kids on a beach just sleeping anytiem I want.

My ruminating thoughts are pretty much gone. I would go days thinking oh no my leg hurts, I have a blood clot and would worry and have anxiety over that for about 3 days. Now I do not give things like that but a moments thought.  My windows last for several weeks to over a month, which is nice. When I do get a wave it is only for a few hours or so, never longer than 3-4 hours and the symptoms are almost back to what my anxiety was like prior to zoloft.  I still am reluctant to take any over the counter medication and thankfully I have had no need in taking anything stronger than a tylenol for headaches. I am fully functioning, taking care of the kids. Before I would have never signed them up for an activity, because I could not rely on my health to be good enough to see it through. Now I do not give it any thought. I do find that I am going over board this summer spending time with each of the kids one on one. I still feel so guilty for puting my family through such a rough time of it this past year. I know that as time goes on and all those bad memories are replaced with lasting great memories I will start to forgive myself.

 

I just wanted to say thank you for this amazing website/support group. Coming on here and reading everyones story and having the opprotunity to share my feelings and what I went through helped me get through some pretty dark times.

[Karma]

BRapsidy

 

What a wonderful post.  Thank you for coming back and sharing your success, you give hope to us all.

 

Karma

[BRapsidy]

Thanks. You all are the ones who have me hope when I felt like there was no way out. For that I am forever greatful.

[BRapsidy]

I recently had a member contact me asking me how I was doing and where my recovery stood to date. I realized that it has been over nine months since I have been to this site or posted. This is mainly due to the fact that 3 kids can keep a girl busy and really doesn't allow for the time to sit and type at a computer for very long during the day. The other reason I think I backed off was I felt guilty. I felt guilty for the fact that I saw so many people who were on so many more medications and had been on the road of withdrawl for far longer then I and seemed to have it so much worse that my withdraw felt insignificant in comparison. I also had to stop reading about other peoples symptoms and the things that would effect their recovery, because I found that I became paranoid that those things would start to effect me as well. Not sure if that makes sense or not?

 

Well this member encouraged me to post an update or sucess story. She stated that "new members and members who are struggling long term really need to hear stories of improvement" and that really hit home with me. I remember going through stories on here for hours just looking for a little glimmer of hope from others that had gotten through with WD and were leading a normal life.

 

It has been two years since my journey began and the road has been rough. I can safely say I am functioning at about 95% . I can go about life keeping up with 3 kids and their crazy schedules without much trouble. My windows between waves is about one and a half months to two months. When the waves do hit it is soooo much more manageable. I can almost always still proceed with my day and people around me can't tell there is a storm on the inside of my head. During these times it's mostly extreme fatigue, some anxiety and ruminating thoughts, some heavy chest feelings and dizzyness. Again the symptoms are really not so bad.

 

I am back to exercising and trying to get back into my P90X (in home extreme workout program) routine. I am much more social, but tend to retreat at times and just be with my family. I still have a difficult time trusting my friends will stick around. I lost a few friends during the first year of my WD. Trust is hard for me. My interests have come back. reading club, dinner club, working on my art projects. Again I still get tired if I do too much for too long and then have to back off. There are days where I have slept for 9 hours and it feels like I was only out for 2 hours, but after a few days that feeling goes away.

 

Currently my doctor is watching me for anemia and wanted me to start on vitamin B12 and Iron supplements. Still having anxiety with any medication, due to the severe sensitivity I went through during the hardest part of my WD, I stared with just a quarter of a tablet of the lowest dose of B12 I could find. After the 5th day of taking it I started to having adverse side effects. At first I wasn't sure if it was that or not, so I took another quarter tablet the next day. Sure enough a few hours later my anxiety kicked in and an all over yucky feeling came about. I had not had that strong of symptoms in a very long time. The upside is that even though I had an adverse reation, the reaction was still not as stron as it would have been a year ago or even 6 months ago, which gives me hope that I will see an end to them at some point. Now I am trying to just get the essential vitamins I need in the food that I eat. I am eating green leafy vegtables and lentles, black beans, and red meat all the time now lol.

 

I am still working through the PTS of it all. I still worry about getting sick, injured, or needing surgery at any point. I am scared about how my body will react to such things and the reactions that would come with that. I still wonder, even though I am seeing improvements, if my sensitivities to medications will fully go away. I am trying to see it as a good sign that the reactions have lessened in their strength.

 

So thats where I'm at. Over all I am happy and healthy. I can find the good in life on most days and thankful that my husband has been suppprtive through it all. I still have a lot of anger about what I went through. How my time with my kids were taken away for that time I was in my heaviest WD symptoms. How my time Breast Feeding my last child was cut short. and how I feel I can never trust a doctor again. I have been going to a counselor who is helping me to get over the anger and resentment I have and is working on helping me trust the medical field again to some degree. Again thank you for all the people on this site that helped me get through the hard days even if you didn't know you were doing it. I hope this has been some encouragment for someone out there. I still do not consider myself fully recovered, and probably won't until I can take medication without any effects.

[Altostrata]

Thank you so much, BR.

 

Were there any particular things you did that helped you in your healing?

[BRapsidy]

I think it really was time and learning how to get through the waves mentally. I finally got to a point where when I thought I was going to die I just had to say to myself well if I die, I die. There is nothing I can do about it. Then when I woke up the next day I would say to myself one more day down. I meditated a lot. Started to just talk to spirit, or "god". Warm baths tended to help sooth the anxiety a bit. Going to my bedroom turning out the lights and just calming my breath. Thankfully my husband was willing to take on the kids when I needed it when he got home. Reading a book that I was familiar with to give me something to focus on was also a BIG help for me and still is. I also rock in my chair something to give me a rhythm to focus on. Going outside with the kids and watching them play. Those are the things that helped and continue to help me. Sometimes I still get aggravated that I have moments and want so bad that 100%, but I can't focus on the 100% me. I have to focus on how far I've come and all the great days where I had moments thy I felt 100%. Hope that all makes sense.

[Wolfhound]

This is a wonderful post and you are giving me so much hope, thank you.

[BRapsidy]

You are so welcome wolfhound. If my coming back and giving an update gave one person some hope then it was worth it. I am so glad the member got in contact with me.

[Wolfhound]

BRapsidy, I have also three small kids. I need hope...It was really worth it.

[mammaP]

Thank you for taking the time to post BRapsidy, it really is fantastic to see someone

who has gone through this and now living a normal life.  

 

Would you copy your post into the success stories forum?  It would be great to add your story. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/28-recovery-success-stories/

[BRapsidy]

I will probably feel more comfortable with posting on the success stories after I have worked through some of my PTS and my sensitivities lessen some more.

 

It does get better.

[Petunia]

Thank you BR, I'm sure you will continue to improve.  You have given me hope also, we have been taking these kinds of drugs for a similar length of time.

[BRapsidy]

Hello all. I am coming here to write and process some of my thoughts and trying to work through some PPS. So I have a B12 deficiency, my number is 150 and the low range of normal is 211, but they want you at or around 450-500. They have been telling me to take B12 supplements for the past 4 months, but due to my anxiety and going through the stress of my granny dying I haven’t really been taking my B12. I fear that they will want me to take a B12 shot. The thought of getting a shot is terrifying. I am trying to be reasonable in thought. I need this vitamin. Being deficient in B12 can lead to lots of complications. I have started taking half of a dose of one pill (I should be taking two full pills a day). I am trying to connect my thoughts with taking a supplement and having no issues so it will be easier to take a shot if I need to. Is there anyone else on here who is dealing with a B12 deficiency?