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haley: Not too sure what to believe...


haley

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no i mean right now, i don't want too live anywhere in this condition.

My mom is all i really have. and trying too get through too her is the hardest thing, it always has been.

We never really got along. but i do know, paxil has messed me up. i do know that.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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meistersinger

no i mean right now, i don't want too live anywhere in this condition.

My mom is all i really have. and trying too get through too her is the hardest thing, it always has been.

We never really got along. but i do know, paxil has messed me up. i do know that.

 

I can feel your pain. This past Sunday would have been my Dad's 77th birthday. Last Friday would have been Mom's 75th birthday. I turn 55 this Saturday, and my sister, had she lived, (she died almost 45 years ago) would be 48 on Friday. Even though Dad has been dead 26 years, and Mom has been dead less than a year, I still go "insane" at this time of year. This year has been no exception, except this time, it is to replace the starter in my car. Now that I'm currently living in a cheap motel room, away from the toxicity of the rest of the family, save my youngest brother and his wife, I'm still grieving all of this. Any wonder I'm on psychotic medicine? The other brothers would be telling me get over it. They aren't the ones living in pain, nor should they, and they don't, care. If I were to call them right now, with the exception of my youngest brother's wife, I'd probably be told to "suck it up and be a man. Stop being a p****."

 

While I am not you, Haley, you might fare far better than me. You might even be glad when your mother is finally gone. But, believe me, the hurt will still be there after your mother is long gone.

History:

1995--Prozac--Quit CT by GP

1995--Effexor--Quit per my GP

1996--Amitriphene--Quit CT when changed GP

2005--Citalopram and BusPar. Prescribed when I decompensated in my GP's office. GP referred me to behavior health. Psychiatrist prescibed these drugs. Taken off citalopram in 2011 due to FDA warning. Quit Buspar during transition to viibryd.

Viibryd--2011 to present. Had a severe reaction in March 2012. Advised both GP and Psychiatrist I was trying to get off these drugs.

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  • Administrator

haley, call these people when you're feeling down:

 

1-800-246-7743

 

HOURS:

Monday thru Friday from 1pm to 9pm, pacific time

(Monday thru Friday from 4pm to midnight, eastern time)

 

Saturday from 9am to 2pm, pacific time

(Saturday from noon to 5pm, eastern time)

 

They have chat, too, see http://www.volunteerlogin.org/chat/

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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no i mean right now, i don't want too live anywhere in this condition.

My mom is all i really have. and trying too get through too her is the hardest thing, it always has been.

We never really got along. but i do know, paxil has messed me up. i do know that.

 

Haley, have you tried writing a letter to your mom? Something that tells her how much you love her and how important she is to you, and that you're aware of how the paxil has affected you and that you're getting help for it. And although only you can word what you write to your mom, maybe consider telling her that you want to make your relationship better because she matters so much to you, and that you want to know her feelings and also what you can do to help out around the house, maybe.

 

I know that in w/d it's hard to do what you normally can, but maybe the two of you could find ways that show her that you value her as a person and that you want to do what you can to help her out even if you can't do all things quite yet.

 

If you write a letter, I suggest you don't give it to her immediately. Set it aside for at least a day and then look at it fresh, and don't give it to her until you feel it conveys what you really want to say. And in a positive and loving manner, that shows her that you want to consider her needs as well as your own.

 

Maybe something like that could open the doors of communication. If it does, maybe you both could set some ground rules to avoid hurting each other's feelings (that works both ways!). Or maybe get joint counseling from a good counselor.

 

If you want to run any ideas for a letter to your mom by any of us first, you could do that by PM or post to the group. We don't know your mom so we don't know how she'll respond, but sometimes it helps to get an objective opinion on how to phrase things when it's an emotionally charged situation.

 

But in any case, set anything you write aside and look at it fresh another day before giving it to her. You'll probably want to make some changes in it when you re-read it and be glad you did!

 

Even when living on my own, I found that I had to "redefine" my relationship with my parents once I was an adult. It's tricky but can be wonderful when you both realize you're both adults but having to start operating without the baggage of being treated like or acting like a child, which has been the case for so long in a parent-child relationship.

 

The upside though, is that although you start to see the parent as an adult with flaws and weaknesses - and human needs and regrets! - you get to know them and eventually appreciate as well as forgive on a deeper level.

I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants

 

I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over.

 

My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can.

 

If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Haley,

 

I'm very sorry for all you're suffering through. I wish there was more we all could do for you and I'm sure everyone here feels that way. Your agony comes through in your posts and it is very heartbreaking.

 

I can relate in a way. My kids (son and his GF) just moved out. They told me a few months ago that I've gotten hard to live with because of the med situation. They, like your mom, just don't understand. I told them I hope they never do understand because the only way they could understand is to go through it. this was the only child I had left at home so it hurts a lot.

 

As you can see in my sig, I still have a lot to come off of and I sometimes feel hopeless and desperate. I have the same thoughts and feelings you have, sometimes. I try to talk to someone, anyone, because it helps keep my mind occupied. I try not to always talk about the med troubles, only sometimes. I try to talk about other things to get my mind off the problems I'm having.

 

Of course, there are times when that's all I can manage to talk about and that can help too. We are all pulling for you. We all love you! You WILL get better.

 

Love and BIG HUGS,

 

Tezza

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When does it end? I have been feeling like this for four months, with little too no improvements.

I don't have anything left in me. This isn't fair. Too know there could be a possibility of not getting fixed is what scares me. i can't live my life like this. i have been on the meds for a month now. not really sure what too do. im not really stabilizing. like i don't know how i'm supposed too feel in order to be stable on it. i'm scared too taper now.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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Haley I was reading your previous posts....so sorry about your Mom and how you are feeling.

 

If the Paxil is not helping, do you think something else may help you to stabilize?

 

When I got off Paxil I went onto Lexapro. It did work for me. It took awhile but it helped. I have gone on Imipramine from Lexapro, and that helped me too.

 

I don't know if this is the route you can safely take. It was a decision I made with help.

 

Can you ask your Mom to read this website, so she can gain a better understanding of what WD is? Friends who you may be staying with might gain a better understanding if they could read posts here....

 

I hope some of the others posts for possible solutions.

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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  • Administrator

haley, how's your sleep?

 

Reinstating is not going to solve your life problems, it's just going to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I was only responding too one of your posts. I dont care about my mom and I. we have been too counseling before together. im here too find help.m. I wants something tht wont give negative side effects. acupuncture does it work. I dont want too waste money if it wont help. I have been trying.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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sorry if im not wording things politely. its really hard for me atm too even talk. i'm just ready too get my life back, and ive been trying for four months. I am 19, and my life is hell. that's not what other 19 year olds go through. i would be out doing things if it weren't for my disabilty. when does it get better? if ever? like i cannot live like this. i was supposed to go to school. and work, and i can't now. i need this too end. and yes i need it too end now.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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i'm having all the symptoms still.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

Link to post
  • Administrator

What are your symptoms other than feeling really down, haley?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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anhedonia, head hurts, dry mouth, difficulty swallowing, brain fog, depression, loss of libido, memory loss, sleep problems, anxiety. trouble focusing, trouble with my bowels. confused. time warped. its all really hard, too go anywhere with my friends and family because of this, im trying so hard. I mean I sit around alot, but I do the dishes sometimes. I have forgot what it felt like too be normal.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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also showers dont feel good, and I my senses are baclwards.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • Administrator

How do showers not feel good?

 

Can you get omega-3 fish oil, haley? A lot of people say it helps with brain fog. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

Magnesium citrate might help those headaches, it's good for reducing anxiety, too. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Melatonin can help sleep, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/189-melatonin-for-sleep/

 

I worry though that you may not be staying in a place that's quiet so you can sleep. Sleep is important to healing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I just dont enjoy it. im tired of pills. they dont work. magnesium didnt help.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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When you take showers, is it that it feels like the jets of water stings your skin a bit?

 

Or that water generally feels irritating to your skin?

 

I have had that when in withdrawal.

 

I found tub baths less uncomfortable. Don't use bubble-bath.

 

Just soap - or a handful or two of baking soda.

 

Baking soda baths can be cleansing and also soothing to the skin.

I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants

 

I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over.

 

My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can.

 

If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343

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... ive been trying for four months. when does it get better? if ever?

 

I'm afraid this can take more than four months.

 

There's no way to predict when it will get better.

 

But it will.

 

It takes a lot of patience, I know. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

But you will get back to enjoying life again.

I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants

 

I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over.

 

My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can.

 

If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Haley. I have been following your story. I have been thinking about you. And I believe that you are:

 

1) Very smart.

 

2) Very brave.

 

3) Really , really trying to get better.

 

4) Very, very strong.

 

You may not feel that way but it comes out very clearly in your writing on this forum.

 

All of those characteristics are going to help you get to who, where & what you want to be in life again. It will take more time. And that just plain sucks. But you are doing great. You have tried many of the things that have been suggested to you here. That is great! You are checking in with people who really do know what they are doing. That is great! You have access to doctors, acupuncture, talk therapists etc. That is great!

All of this will help you get better. I promise.

 

In the mean time, while you stay connected with the folks here can you find a way to give yourself ( and thus your brain which must be exhausted!!) and a break? SLEEP is the best!!!

 

But during your waking hours..... can you watch that same movie that has made you laugh your ass off before? And if there is another movie that makes you laugh.... watch it too!

 

How about music that is chill. Can you either remember some or find some that you enjoy & just lay flat, close your eyes & breath deeply and exhale long breaths?

 

Hang in there. You are getting good advice here.

 

M :)

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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yeah, I am trying too be strong. this is not they easiest thing in thend world.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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I just dont know if I could go like this for a certaind period off time. its wearing on me.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • Administrator

haley, take it hour by hour, day by day. We all need to be Buddhists to get through this.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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ive been on for a month now, I want too start tapering cause its not helping.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

Link to post
  • Administrator

haley, can you get liquid Paxil?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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no, im afraid I would noo chance with liquid.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • Administrator

Can you figure out how to decrease your Paxil dosage by .5mg?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I am wandering exactly how too do that. since im at a small dose.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • Administrator

Are you taking a quarter of a 10mg tablet?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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20 mg. tablets. a quarter.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

Link to post
  • Administrator

haley, can you get a prescription for 10mg tablets? You could tell the doctor you want to taper.

 

Then you can take a quarter of a 10mg tablet, or 2.5mg, to step down from the 5mg you're taking now.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I asked once before like four times and she insisted on 20 mg. im far from wanting too see a doctor because they wont budge

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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ughhh, I havent had one ggood day at all. no signs off a positive change. I wants my life back. I wants too live normal. im so terrified because the things I used too love fill me with dread.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • Administrator

You can make Paxil tablets into a liquid for tapering. Read this http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

You might want to go to the library to read the instructions and print out the first post so you can follow them.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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alto, how long was you on paxil?

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • Administrator

3 years.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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