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Nadia
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Ever since I fell into this pit of withdrawal, I have wondered if I should try to take as much of a break as possible from "real life" or if trying to continue my life as normally as possible is the answer. What are other people's impressions about this?

 

I'm at a point where I'm mostly well enough to function outside of the home. I can drive, get places, have a bit better concentration and mental ability, etc. But any stressor really affects me deeply, ruining my sleep, making me get tired easily, making symptoms like dizziness and deep anxiety return. I have plowed through it all and kept working, but I wonder if I would have healed more if I had taken a break. Right now that was my plan, not to take any new jobs and live off my savings with my boyfriend's help for a while. Now I've been offered a job, and in order to get out of the house and feel less depressed I'm tempted to take it, but at the same time, I'm really scared I won't be able to handle it. The only other job outside of the house I've had was last September, and I was not functioning that well (I still made it through and it was mostly really good for my mood).

 

I tend to think that you have to push yourself, but I'm not sure to what degree.

 

I have more thoughts on this but I can't manage them at the moment. Just the thought of taking this new job has sent me into such anxiety that I'm barely able to hold it together.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Hey, my friend:: boy, that's really a doozie to figure out. I've been tortured by this dilemma, too. I've turned down numerous jobs that I always had minimal problem with doing, since I did them "hundreds" of times before WD. The worse part for me is signing on for a job, and then living in terror I wouldn't be able to meet the commitment. Since mornings are so unpredictable and usually filled with bad symptoms, I would be a total wreck anyway just worrying about showing up.

 

I dont know what to tell you to do, Nadia, but you've gone at this WD similarly to the way I have. I've tried to bull my way through things, too, and I wonder if we're prolonging recovery by subjecting our tortured , anxiety ridden brains to more misery. I personally don't think it's a good idea, any more. I know what you're thinking, that if we don't use it, we'll lose it. I'm not sure if we should think of our brains like a healiing muscle or bone. Unfortunately, how much time it will take is an uncomfortable unknown. Can we stand it one more day? Some days I really don't think I can.

 

I sure do wish I was making more progress and that I could do a few more jobs I did before. I can do some things, as long as they don't involve a huge commitment of time and don't trigger a huge interval between agreeing to do them and actually doing them. The anticipatory anxiety is still a big thing.

 

Do you have a strict schedule to keep or can you do this job at your own rate?

 

ALTO, how did you handle WD and working? How long did it take you to get back to the point where you weren't panicky about doing anything(work wise, that is?). Anybody else out there who can give us some insight into when this anticipatory anxiety gets better and what they did to get to that point?

I started withdrawing off remeron in August of 2009, with the help of a holistic physician.The reason for the withdrawal was a year or two of off and on nausea, deterioration in my thinking, and more depression. It took me a full year to work from 135 mg down to 45mg. At that point, more drops were causing more depression. Unfortuately, the nervousness that I was also feeling for the last year continued with the 45 mg. Thirty one days ago, I stopped the remeron. I am still feeling the nervousness every day and the last week, I am feeling what I think is depression but not sure. In bed in the morning, I'm already dreading another day feeling this way. I am intensely unsure of myself and find it very hard to do anything. I was a practicing veterinarian for 29 years until I found I could not practice anymore. First of all I couldn't think, or remember, and I had absolutely no confidence in anything I did. These were things I did with relative ease for twenty+ years. So, this feeling of no confidence has been during the time I was on the AD(the last 2 years) and today. I take no other medication other than my blood pressure meds. I tried supplements with my holistic dr. but they seemed to make the intense nervousness even more intense. Anyway, I truly feel stuck.

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Hmm... healing bone or muscle. I think you're onto something with that, Spectio! OK, when you injure yourself, you need to lay off for a while, BUT you also have to rehabilitate, right? Or else you can atrophy and even prevent healing. I guess the real trick is finding just how far to push without doing more damage. I go back and forth about this so much.

 

I think even when not going through withdrawal I had a hard time gauging how far to push myself. I spend half my time thinking I'm going too easy on myself and I'm a wimp, and the other half thinking I am way too hard on myself and should cut myself some slack.

 

This new job would not allow me any flexibility. It's a hard-core job with tight deadlines and long, long hours. I calmed down a little after I wrote my initial post (and it's strange to me how lucid sounding it is considering that I felt like a total wreck while I was writing it--that's interesting in itself), and felt like I could do it, and then I'm right back to feeling afraid it's going to push me too far and put further roadblocks in my recovery. Maybe I need to keep active, but with something less challenging. This job would probably help my depression but hurt my anxiety/sleep.

 

Someone from work who I was telling about my insomnia troubles (without going into any other detail) said something really nice to me today. She said whatever work I considered sloppy because of sleep deprivation was probably better than most other people's work anyway. I don't know about that... but it's true that so far I have been able to more or less pull off the stuff I've had to do for work. So I'd probably be able to do this... the thing is, at what cost?

 

Have people who have gotten time off seen improvement from reducing stress? Or will our minds/bodies just lock onto whatever there is and stress anyway? Maybe if you try to lie low you just lower the threshold of what you can take. Maybe like when I was on vacation you get better, only to fall again when stress goes back to its usual level?

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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I know for me when I was going through the more intence part of WD I had my father here to help with the kids. He did EVERYTHING for me and I was able to retreat into my bedroom anytime I felt overwhelmed and then could join in when I felt more stable. I really believe having that help and the ability to concentrate on just me helped get me through the hardest time I have had in all of my recovery. Now that he is gone and my husband is working I have no choice but to just plow through my day. For me when my anxiety is up or my emotions seem to be changing a mile a minute it seems like it takes longer to level out because I can't just walk away and focus on myself. Then again there are times that it is helpfull for me to have outside things to focus on so that I do not spend all my time focusing on what is going on inside my head and in my body. Not sure if any of this is making any sense, considering I have only had a few hours of sleep.

Prozac(situational depression) 1993 discontinued sometime in 1994 without WD problems

Paxil from 2003 until 2004 for anxiety/panic attacks

25mg of Zoloft from March 2012. started tappering in April and took my last one on May 13, 2012

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Personally, I find work and volunteering helpful as it helps take my mind off of myself and my symptoms. I only work part-time and volunteer once per fortnight though, so maybe a little part time job would help you? It means getting out of the house/your own head but only for a little while.

2003-2011: Paroxetine,Citalopram,Effexor; Aug/Sept 2011: Effexor to Mirtazapine; Oct 2011: C/T Mirtazapine back to Effexor; Nov/Dec 2011: Fast Tapered Effexor - w/d hell; Feb 2012: Reinstated Effexor 37.5mg; June 2012: Dropped to 35.6mg; Jan 2016: Propranolol 2.5mg per day for general anxiety; Feb 2016: Finasteride 0.25mg per week to slow hair loss; 18th May - 8th June 2019: Started Vyvanse 7.5mg and increased by 7.5mg weekly to 30mg (lowest “therapeutic” dose for adults).; 21st June 2019 - 12th July: Cross tapered from venlafaxine brand Rodomel to Efexor (1/4 > 1/2 > 3/4 weekly before ditching Rodomel); 13th July 2019: Cut Vyvanse dose to 15mg; 15th July 2019: Akathisia returned after years of being free; 16th July 2019: Went back up to Vyvanse 30mg

Supplements: Omega-3, Vitamin D, Zinc, Phosphatidylserine 

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I wish I were working. I'm not up to that yet.

 

One needs to minimize stress to convalesce. But a knowledgeable doctor told me challenges are also good for the nervous system when it gets stronger.

 

You just need to figure out how much you can handle. Go carefully, bit by bit. It's like physical training, practice one component first and then move on to the next.

 

For example, very light non-stressful volunteering, then maybe more hours, then maybe a part-time job.

 

I agree with jr, some kind of activity is helpful, as long as it doesn't exceed your capacity for stress.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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My situation is different as ive been on disability for 11 years, long before withdrawal, so dont feel qualified to offer an opinion.

 

My first thought was to stay active and occupied with as little demanding stress as possible. Deadlines and pressure would put me over the edge right now.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Alto,

 

So with the going slow... would you judge whether something is too much or not by your reaction? Like, if more stress produces insomnia or anxiety, would you take it as a sign to take a step back?

 

A lot of anxiety therapies stress "taking the bull by the horns" and not letting yourself get pushed into retreat. Of course, what might work for GAD might not work for the anxiety/hyperalertness that we go through with withdrawal.

 

I thought the Morita Therapy was interesting in this regard. Morita was a Japanese doctor who developed this therapy during the 1930s for patients who had neurasthenia, which is today thought to be a form of dysautonomia. It had four stages:

 

1. Isolation and rest.

2. Light occupational therapy.

3. Heavy occupational therapy.

4. Complex activities.

 

There are two different factors for me: The first is the stress that just the THOUGHT of a challenge might bring for me. Even when I was totally OK, I would still get stressed out at the thought of a new job. It brought on all sorts of doubts of my abilities, etc. But what was manageable before and did not mess with my sleep or give me panic attacks, now throws me for a loop. It's pretty clear that all my worst waves of symptoms have been due to some outside stressor. The worst was to a medicine, but many have been to sudden psychological stressors in relation to work. My dad dying was also a pretty big one, in terms not so much of the emotional pain (though that has to be factored in as well), but the pressure of having to take his place in terms of certain life responsibilities.

 

The second is the actual amount of work and stress put on my body from long hours or exertion. This is also the case if I exercise too much, get a massage that is too intense, go to a party and the music is too loud, etc. But in general I feel like this factor is not as earth-shattering. However, it could make me in general more vulnerable to #1.

 

In any case, today I'm leaning toward not taking the job and finding something a bit less stressing. But I'm also reminding myself that when I challenged myself and went away for a month for a job last year, I was also really afraid and it turned out OK. My mood improved so much that it made me able to withstand all the other symptoms. For example, DP and DR improved tremendously during that period.

 

Sometimes I wonder, if it's the amygdala's fear response that is wreaking havoc... if we pay too much attention to it aren't we just feeding it, and somehow positively reinforcing the fear?

 

Of course, these questions are for someone like me who is past the very worst of withdrawal, or who never had completely debilitating symptoms for so long that they couldn't get out of bed, for example.

 

In any case, I don't think I'd ever be able to fully take it easy. My mother senses and persecutes any suspected weakness. :)

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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I wish I were working. I'm not up to that yet.

 

One needs to minimize stress to convalesce. But a knowledgeable doctor told me challenges are also good for the nervous system when it gets stronger.

 

You just need to figure out how much you can handle. Go carefully, bit by bit. It's like physical training, practice one component first and then move on to the next.

 

For example, very light non-stressful volunteering, then maybe more hours, then maybe a part-time job.

 

I agree with jr, some kind of activity is helpful, as long as it doesn't exceed your capacity for stress.

 

Tell that to the jackass that is my brother. If anyone deserves to be on an ssri or an SNRI, it's him

History:

1995--Prozac--Quit CT by GP

1995--Effexor--Quit per my GP

1996--Amitriphene--Quit CT when changed GP

2005--Citalopram and BusPar. Prescribed when I decompensated in my GP's office. GP referred me to behavior health. Psychiatrist prescibed these drugs. Taken off citalopram in 2011 due to FDA warning. Quit Buspar during transition to viibryd.

Viibryd--2011 to present. Had a severe reaction in March 2012. Advised both GP and Psychiatrist I was trying to get off these drugs.

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Hey, Nadia, I really got a good chuckle out of your last sentence. Are you able to "compartmentalize " your mom's abnoxiousness? Maybe you can both find some low level distraction, in separate parts of the planet that is. That in itself may be worth taking on a new challenge, for you for sure. She may benefit greatly, too.

 

Is there any colleague you can confide in about this recovery issue. I mean, if someone knew a little about the trials you are facing, maybe that would calm your anxiety. I really understand, though if you are reluctant to tell anybody anything.

 

I personally have told very few people I even had depression let alone tell them the whole ugly story about WD and recovery. Someone else on the forum expressed their exasperation at having this very real illness and having to bear it in silence with practically NO help from the medical field that placed us here. That secrecy only adds to our already "strained" sense of confidence.

 

Anyway, kiddo, you have all of us solidly in your corner. Whatever you decide to do, we will be here for support. You have come SO far and have risen back up EVERY single time this monster has knocked you down.

 

HUGGS AND LOVE, as always!!

I started withdrawing off remeron in August of 2009, with the help of a holistic physician.The reason for the withdrawal was a year or two of off and on nausea, deterioration in my thinking, and more depression. It took me a full year to work from 135 mg down to 45mg. At that point, more drops were causing more depression. Unfortuately, the nervousness that I was also feeling for the last year continued with the 45 mg. Thirty one days ago, I stopped the remeron. I am still feeling the nervousness every day and the last week, I am feeling what I think is depression but not sure. In bed in the morning, I'm already dreading another day feeling this way. I am intensely unsure of myself and find it very hard to do anything. I was a practicing veterinarian for 29 years until I found I could not practice anymore. First of all I couldn't think, or remember, and I had absolutely no confidence in anything I did. These were things I did with relative ease for twenty+ years. So, this feeling of no confidence has been during the time I was on the AD(the last 2 years) and today. I take no other medication other than my blood pressure meds. I tried supplements with my holistic dr. but they seemed to make the intense nervousness even more intense. Anyway, I truly feel stuck.

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I have been very stressed lately, with various life events. I have to ride them out as they will come to an end over the next few weeks/month. I am also required to "volunteer" at my kid's school, and way back when I put my name down to help in the office. Well, I goofed a little and went in on the wrong day, which turned out to be a good thing. I had a lovely morning - I did some basic data entry, and then sorted out sheet music, with the lady who was actually meant to be there - it was much nicer doing it with someone else. It was very "not complex" but I got to dress up a bit (office clothes, as compared to my usual mom outfit of cargos and sneakers), chat with some new people and do something that helped someone else out. It did wonders for my mood, and I'm disappointed that I'm going to have to reschedule my next rostered session as it clashes with box packing for our move (one of the things that will all go away in a few weeks...).

B

2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012

January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg

July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg

2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg,  July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg)

2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised my dosing was off and as probably on more like 1.8mg and possible mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4

 

My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/17/

CurrentSertraline: 7 Mar 1.4mg / Armour Thyroid / endless allergy meds, erg

 

 

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Nadia, you have to trust your sense of what you can do. Yes, if it makes you very anxious and you can't sleep for several nights in a row, the activity is too stressful.

 

Is there any way you can sample the situation before you make a decision about it?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Nadia...

 

My experience was that work was a Blessing, Saving Grace if you will. It was my opportunity to get up and out the door. Focus on something other than WD, interact with people I really liked. I dressed to the 9's everyday (it was a Country Club). Looking well helped me alot too.

 

A Therapist advised me to 'stick to the basics': Work, Rest, Eat Well, Find some form of enjoyment and for me Al-Anon Meetings. After the Saturday meeting I would have brunch and talk to my friends about the WD...They were wonderful. Very kind.

 

This aided me very much. When I was tired, I would take a nap on Saturday afternoons. During the summer months I would go to the Beach. The Ocean has a healing effect.

 

As for Stressors: My reaction to stress was not good. I over-reacted due to what I now know as Neuro-emotions. WD for me produces agitation and I had to make a number of amends.

I do have regrets in that area. Two people that I was agitated with have passed away.

 

Today I know better about Neuro-emotions.

 

What are you finances dictating? Do you really want the other job? Is there a future with taking another job? Just some questions....can you do a pro/con list ;) Very helpful.

 

You are a strong person and have helped alot of people here. Don't underestimate your strength.

 

Remember there are no wrong decisions. You already have a job which is great.

 

Hugs ;)

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Thanks, everyone, for your input.

 

I'm still on the fence about this.

 

I'm not very good at self-discipline, so it does help me, especially for depression, to have something to dive into. I must admit I also am thinking about it as a way to separate a bit from my mother. One of the things that is making me so unhappy now is that I feel like I don't have my own life. There is plenty else I need to do, but it is all stuff I dread and I'm dragging... I realize I'm thinking of this job as a form of escape.

 

At the same time, I've done this type of job before and it is very demanding... we're talking about 16 hour days, lots of times having to work weekends as well. Supposedly this particular job won't be so hard core, but they always say that. And I'm not at my best, so I'd probably be working slower, and it's not the "see how much you can get done during the day" kind of job, but X amount of work needs to be turned in by X date (hard deadlines) no matter what.

 

It also would mean having to work all of January, which is the only vacation time my boyfriend has with his new job....

 

Even then, they money would help, as my savings are dwindling, and it is an OK job as far as my resume is concerned. And it only lasts 4 months.

 

My alternate plan is taking a few relaxing classes (art, language, exercise) and letting my boyfriend carry some of the load. Not great for my self-esteem, but when will I ever get the chance again, I think? And maybe those things will help me get more in touch with true emotion.

 

I guess deep down there is still a strong part of me that says I have to face the anxiety and not let it dictate my actions. That I have to let go of feeling "not well" and that will help me be well. Still, it's kind of hard to listen to what I "truly" want under all the screaming anxiety!

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

 

I'm at a point where I'm mostly well enough to function outside of the home. I can drive, get places, have a bit better concentration and mental ability, etc. But any stressor really affects me deeply, ruining my sleep, making me get tired easily, making symptoms like dizziness and deep anxiety return. I have plowed through it all and kept working, but I wonder if I would have healed more if I had taken a break. Right now that was my plan, not to take any new jobs and live off my savings with my boyfriend's help for a while. Now I've been offered a job, and in order to get out of the house and feel less depressed I'm tempted to take it, but at the same time, I'm really scared I won't be able to handle it. The only other job outside of the house I've had was last September, and I was not functioning that well (I still made it through and it was mostly really good for my mood).

 

I tend to think that you have to push yourself, but I'm not sure to what degree.

 

 

Nadia , did you take the job? Your post really resonates with me. I feel as if for every day I continue my stressful job I am pushing my recovery two days backwards.

 

I only have until Christmas and I will retire but I am so damn tired, exhausted, burned out, incapacitated in every way but functioning at work ( and I'm not doing my work justice either :( ) that I am still not positive I will make it that long.

 

 

You said "I'm at a point where I'm mostly well enough to function outside of the home. I can drive, get places, have a bit better concentration and mental ability, etc. " I just want to get to that place . I hope that whatever you decided that you are doing well.

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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Christmas is right around the corner :)

 

Stress these days is hard stress. The obsessive - insomnia type. Having WD in the mix is tough.

 

It's good to read Neuro-emotions by Healing. It gives some clarity to the situation.

 

Hugs

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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Hi, Areyouthere,

 

I didn't take the job... nor another year and a half one they just offered me on Saturday that paid well but was even more grueling. Just the offer of the jobs set me back considerably! After much thought I'm going to take some classes, finish up the job I'm on now, and only take new work if it's really what I want to do and not too stressful. I also think I'll try artificial insemination for getting pregnant. I have mixed feelings about my decision. Sometimes I think I'm running away, others that I'm opening up space for healing and finding meaning in life. We'll see how it goes! I guess at least I'm trying something new. I just want to get well enough that I have some gumption for redesigning my life. I feel I need to make a big change, but I don't have the strength. I still struggle with very basic things. All my energy goes into combating anxiety, depression, and exhaustion. Making a meal can be daunting... then, when stress is lower, I seem to start getting better, feeling more desire to work and do things. The challenge here will be to have the self-discipline to stay active without an outside force requiring it. And I can't get away with this for more than a few months. I'll need an income.

 

Of course, no matter how much you reduce stress, life throws things at you... car accidents, loud environments, pressures from others... For me, the job offers are THE most common setback. I know a lot of this is anxiety I have to get over, and everyone tells me I am foolish not to take the jobs, that one day they will stop coming. There are so many people looking for jobs and unable to get them. It makes me feel guilty, but I'm hoping the trend will continue later... that my work will speak for itself when I'm ready to get a job. I should also mention that the jobs I'm offered are not really where I want to take my career. I will eventually need to put some hard work in refocusing my career.

 

I guess I'm hoping this will be a type of sabbatical.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Nadia said:

 

"The challenge here will be to have the self-discipline to stay active without an outside force requiring it."

 

That sure hit the nail on the head for me! It is STRESSFUL to be unscheduled and have to create things to stay busy. Thank you for that concise wording.

 

Wonderful news, Nadia. :)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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In your signature:

 

12/11 Relapse, work stress. Anxiety, depression & insomnia.

1/12 Gradual improvement in anxiety & insomnia.

 

 

So you were off all medication and the work stress triggered a relapse...right? Did you reinstate or have you remained off of all meds? I can see why you would want to stay away from stress... from work... especially if it just triggers symptoms.

 

So you are trying to give your nervous system time to heal. That sounds really smart. I hope for you that you can find an income/ job that will support you yet not trigger symptoms. BTW.... and maybe I'm crossing a boundary here, but you do understand that having a child is a stressful business itself. I mean I understand the drive to be a Mom, I did it three times! It wasn't easy and when money was tight it was even worse. But then I still had babies, they are all healthy, productive and happy so I have no regrets.wouldn't have given it up either.

 

I just wanted to point it out.

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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I have not reinstated... only one day last year, right before finding this site, did I try taking my meds again, and the result was much worse agitation, so I only did the one day.

 

I hear you with the having a child thing. Today I'm having a bad day and I think...am I nuts? How am I going to pull off someone needing me 24/7 when I'm struggling just taking care of myself and ocassionally my mom and boyfriend? But I'm 42 and running out of time. My mom says she'd help. If I could put this off until I was completely healed, I would. As it is, I don't think my chances of getting pregnant are too high. I don't know... on the days I'm feeling better it seems doable. Today I feel crazy for even thinking it.

 

Certainly it would not be the stress free period I hope for now!

 

But I do handle certain types of stress well...

 

I will try to answer more cogently later. I'm feeling really sick tonight.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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