☼ Phil's Lexapro withdrawal

[Phil]

Ok so I tried to use this method today and it didn't work. When trying to remove the liquid from the bottle it spilled everywhere. The bottle is quite awkward..you have to attach an adaptor thing, and put the syringe in that, but because there's a gap, liquid seeps through the sides. Very complicated and messy.

[Altostrata]

I have trouble with those adapters, too. You have to be careful to put them on straight.

 

Try this: After gently shaking the bottle, pour a little into a small container, like a medicine bottle. Stick the tip of the oral syringe into the small bottle and draw your concentrate from there.

[Phil]

Thanks Alto, I tried it today.

 

I don't know if I used too much liquid, but in comparison to using the tablets I now feel as though I have slightly 'upped' my Lexapro dose.

Im not sure if I want to continue using liquid or get the tablets again. Hmm dilemma.

[Altostrata]

It probably had a greater effect because the liquid is absorbed faster.

 

Since the effect was slight, if I were you, I'd stick with the liquid, stabilize on it, and start reducing by the tiny amounts you can control with the 1mL syringe.

[Phil]

Thanks Alto, you're probably right.

By the way, can I use the rest of the Lexapro and water mixture do you think? I have it in a small glass and I've put it in the fridge, covered.

[Altostrata]

I would think so, Phil.

 

I'd keep it for 5 days, then make a new batch. You probably have enough Lexapro concentrate to last you for a long, long time.

[Phil]

Just an update.

I seem to be ok with the liquid, I am down to 0.55mg.

I am feeling the usual effects from a reduction, my mind seems mofe obsessional, I am off-balance, my attention is easily caught, lots of thoughts keep passing through my mind.

 

What the heck causes this? It feels like I "go into my mind" or something.

[Altostrata]

Well, that's withdrawal.

 

What is the size of your reductions? How long do the symptoms last when you make a cut?

 

Good to hear you're getting along with the liquid.

[Phil]

They have been a bit erratic to be honest, I went to 0.6 when I first took the liquid, then as it numbed me out a bit and I wanted energy, I went a bit lower to 0.56. Now I'm at 0.55.

I suppose I haven't given it enough time to stabilize yet.

[Altostrata]

If you're trying .01mg decreases -- I think that's a good idea. You can go as fast as comfortable.

[Phil]

Oh, Phil, I'm so sorry. I got distracted from answering your last post.

 

Here's how you do it:

 

- You have 20mg in 1mL. You want to dilute it so you get 1mg in 1mL.

 

- Shake the Lexapro solution gently (or else you'll get bubbles). With a clean, dry syringe, measure 1mg and put it in your smaller container.

 

- With a dry 10mL syringe, measure 19mL of water and put it in the container.

 

- Shake gently. You now have 20mg Lexapro mixed into 20mg liquid.

 

- With the small 1mL syringe, measure out .65mg to take a dose of .65mg Lexapro.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Alto - something I just noticed. When you say measure 1mg, do you mean measure 1ml of Lexapro liquid? And then add that 1ml lex liquid to the 19ml water? And then remove the amount I wish? (currently 0.55ml of the mixture).

 

Sorry to bring this up again but I was just looking back on this and noticed it, wasnt sure if its an error or not.

[Altostrata]

Yes, you put 1mg of Lexapro concentrate into 19mL of water to get 20mL of diluted Lexapro containing 20mg of the drug.

 

The diluted solution has 1mg Lexapro in 1mL of water.

 

To take .55mg, take .55mL of the diluted solution.

[Altostrata]

Phil, in another topic you mentioned depersonalization. Is this worse when you make a drop? Does it get better as you hold at the decreased dosage? Or has it been consistent throughout your tapering?

[Phil]

It's been quite a consistent thing, but it's always worse when I reduce dosage. It's almost like I become stuck in my head or something, but like I see threat all around me and have to control myself (and I have lots of obsessive worry thoughts too).

For example I went to see a singer perform the other night with my friend, and I became so intensely anxious and focused on everyone around me, but stuck in my head - I couldn't let go, and the anxiety got really severe.

 

I think I may be more prone to it than the average person as I was emotionally neglected as a child, so that is definitely contributing.

 

When I went on Lexapro I remember I actually started to worry more, because I felt like I couldnt process what was happening around me as I was so numbed out.

 

I've come across another person who had similar problems going on Lexapro - they lost awareness of their feelings and developed depersonalization as a result.

[Altostrata]

Hmmm. Well, depersonalization is usually described as a feeling of not really being present, or being behind glass, or not living one's life and feeling one's feelings -- being an observer.

 

It sounds like you are describing an alerting hypersensitivity.

 

Be that as it may, perhaps smaller decreases of the Lexapro would lessen the symptom? Maybe .01mg per week?

[Phil]

Hmm yes, not being present and feeling my feelings - I definitely get that, when reducing dosage.

I lose awareness of my feelings, many times I do not even recognize when I am depressed or anxious because of it, I just act it out. I go into a strange autopilot mode of speaking and behaving.

 

Your're right about smaller decreases, it will certainly help.

 

For now I'm on a more stable dose, which is good. I've got a visit with a psychoanalyst today, so at least I can say how I feel about things, haha.

[Phil]

Update:

 

I'm down to 0.025mg. Feeling awful. Depersonalization is really bad, feeling irritable and angry, cannot focus or think properly, feel threatened and anxious all the time, constant depressing thoughts and feelings of despair and misery, feel as though everyone is against me, feel like ripping someones head off I'm so irritable.

ARGH.

 

I went to the doctors today to ask about Lamictal and she didnt want to prescribe it...she wanted to give me Zoloft instead - I said no thanks.

I'm getting a referral to a psychiatrist who can prescribe the Lamictal but it may take some time.

 

Am hopefully gonna go for some accupuncture this week, maybe that will help.

[Barbarannamated]

Phil,

I'm reading a few posts about DP as I feel that so strongly also --between compounded by people saying that they understand but obviously don't, it is truly maddening! I've isolated myself from just about everyone over the last several months (unintentionally). I think that the isolation of being WITH people but not able to really connect is worse than being alone. Or maybe I'm just rationalizing. Attending the ISEPP conference last weekend was good, but the overall dismissal of AD withdrawal by all but a few people was alienating. (I posted under ISEPP in In the Media).

So glad you did not take Buspar. It is an SSRI that was marketed for generalized anxiety disorder. And Zoloft, from my understanding, is activating.

Please keep us updated on your Lamictal experience. I have a few tabs of that from years ago when some doc tried to treat me for 'atypical depression' and have been tempted to try a sliver for the DP.

[Altostrata]

Phil, is that right? You're down to 0.025mg -- not .25mg?

 

Did you feel withdrawal from each decrement?

 

Guys, I'm not sure about the ad hoc taking of Lamictal. First of all, you need to start at an extremely low dosage, which most doctors will find ridiculous. Too high and it could make you feel worse. And it might not work for everyone, my doctor has his own ways to diagnose who needs what. He doesn't prescribe Lamictal for everyone.

[Phil]

Barbara - I hear ya, I isolate too, and it has been getting worse the lower in dosage I get. Being around people is just too stressful. I think it's a natural reaction to isolate oneself when feeling like this. I'll definitely report back if/when I try Lamictal.

 

Alto - Its .25 yeah, I got a bit confused with it. To be honest I have been unable to keep my dosage consistent..I find it hard to measure the dosage accurately on the syringe.

I'm on the verge of stopping completely, however I need something to keep me somewhat stable.

I think with having a very bad anxiety disorder to start with I am even more sensitive than some people to withdrawal.

I understand your caution about the Lamictal. If I take it I would go for the lowest dosage possible, and I understand the risks. I am interested in it mainly as it seems to be helpful for depersonalization, which is my main withdrawal problem.

[Altostrata]

Phil, did you get the tiny 1mL syringe or are you trying to make do with the 10mL syringe?

[Phil]

It's the 1ml syringe. I'm just no good at getting it accurate..sometimes the top part is too stiff and it might not go to the exact mark on the syringe, plus my vision is always bad so it's hard to see exactly.

[Phil]

So I ditched the Lexapro about 3 days ago. Have certainly felt the effects ever since - lack of sleep, depersonalization, irritability, inability to focus, etc etc.

 

Really not sure how I'll make it through this

[Barbarannamated]

Phil,

Congrats on ditching! You did it the best way and have great support and knowledge to get you through. You'll be ok. Then you'll be good!

 

Someday we'll be watching AD Detox clinics filled w/people and remember these struggles.

[Phil]

Thanks Barbara I really hope so.

 

Yes, perhaps one day when we're old we can say "in my day we never had any of these clinics to get us off drugs.."

[Altostrata]

 

Phil, how long have you been tapering, all together?

[Phil]

For too long! Hmm, I think I started late 2009, around Oct/Nov. So about two years exactly.

 

In my case though, I was mis-advised to go back on, and I messed up the dose many times., hence the overly long and confusing taper.

[Phil]

Ok just a little update as I have been off Lexapro for just over a week. It feels like it was months ago that I stopped taking it.

 

I am suffering insomnia - I seem to get maybe an hour or two of broken sleep per night, but it's very hard to tell as my awareness of time and so on is messed up.

I struggle going out of the house and cannot tolerate crowds, I feel threatened and paranoid around people (probably due to depersonalization).

I keep getting stressed over little things, and finding it hard to do basic household chores such as doing the dishes.

Feelings of melancholy and being very easily upset and irritated.

Balance problems and dizziness. My digestion is very slow.

My breathing doesn't feel right.

 

I'm trying to get out of the house for a quiet walk each day.

 

Today I went into town with my friend and it was a mammoth task.

 

Well, I hope things don't get much worse than this because this is already really horrible.

[Altostrata]

Well, Phil, hang in. You know many of us have been there. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

 

See Symptoms for suggestions on how to deal with withdrawal insomnia.

[Phil]

Just an update really. So far my insomnia has improved a bit, but I seem to be in the "dream sleep" stage a lot, and when my alarm goes off it's like I instantly wake up. So I must be in a very shallow sleep.

 

Depression is the main problem at the moment, preventing me from wanting to do anything. I get stressed very easily and basic tasks like brushing my teeth seem like a big chore.

 

I took a temazepam pill last week in a bid for sleep, however since then I have noticed a nasty pain in my jaw on one side - whenever I eat anything hard, or yawn.

How could temazepam cause that?

 

Anyway, thanks for your suggestion re: insomnia Alto - I wish I had followed it instead of taking stupid temazepam out of desperation.

[Phil]

I'm not doing very well at all since coming off Lex. Really struggling. I hope Lamictal can help me if I get some soon.

[Barbarannamated]

Phil~

Ive been having some gnarly days and took about a4x dose of Klonopin and for some weird reason snapped me outa the funk --for a day

 

These drugs are scary and the harder I try to figure them out the scarier they get

[Altostrata]

Phil, what are your symptoms now?

[Phil]

Sorry this update is late...when I get down I tend to avoid even thinking about anything connected to withdrawal to blank it all out

 

My symptoms now are depersonalization, or rather dissociation - which is very bad. I cannot stop myself from constantly thinking sometimes.

I feel despair a lot.

There's more - but it's hard to think or put it into words right now.

 

I'm trying to stay active, and go out for walks and stuff.

 

I cannot bear anything social or where there are people around - I've reached that "autistic" stage mentioned in one of the other threads on this site. I just dissociate when in those situations to get through it.

 

I'm still hoping to get Lamictal, but it's been a nightmare trying to obtain it - I have an appointment with my doctor in a few weeks so she can re-book me to see someone who can prescribe it.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear from you, Phil.

 

You've been completely off Lexapro since November 6, correct? It's been about 13 weeks?

 

(Please update your signature.)

 

Have your symptoms changed at all? How's your sleep?

 

The constant rumination wouldn't be depersonalization, dp is different.

 

Is worrying a long-time habit? Cognitive behavior therapy is good for that.

[Phil]

Hmm I think it was November 3rd I came off, according to my signature anyway. It feels like a lifetime ago.

 

My sleep is weird..it's like constant dreaming, but I never feel rested when I wake up. I struggle to get up in the mornings and just want to stay in bed - but more because I cant face the day.

 

I feel like my brain is always active and if I listen to music, or anything..it gets my brain buzzing and repeating it nonstop. When I use the computer my brain gets overactive too.

I always feel threatened when around people..kind of paranoid like everyone is looking at me.

 

I guess worry is a longterm habit, since I have had severe social anxiety (more like avoidant personality) for a long time. I'm getting psychotherapy for that, and have had CBT in the past.

 

I'm not sure if I have depersonalization or dissociation, because when around people it's like I "go into my head" and cannot even see reality around me. And with my brain being so active it's quite hard to stop that happening. I feel like I'm always rushing and have to escape when I am in shops (fight or flight, maybe?).

 

I got some of those milk peptides to help calm me down a bit - and they are quite helpful.