☼ angie007's story

[Barbarannamated]

Angie,

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this, my friend.

 

Your husband's immediate reaction to citalopram is frightening. That's one I never took, but it seems to produce fast and powerful reactions more than other SSRIs just judging from stories on this forum.

 

I will check back in a bit later. Not awake yet.

 

{{{HUGS}}}

 

B

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Well prior to this latest stressor with my husband, i was having a pretty good time to be honest, very few minimal symptoms and some days nothing at all.

The end of last week saw the tearyness, anxiety and a lot of weird head sensations. By saturday i experienced what i can only describe as some sort of on and off brain disconnection feeling,followed by a sensation in my brain that felt electrical - the only way i can explain it is, it felt like something was happening, rewiring maybe im not sure, but it was an odd disconcerting feeling for sure,certainly ramped up my anxiety to epic proportions, made me feel jittery, nervous for no reason, and shaky - i felt like something was gonna happen, i dont know maybe a seizure or mini shocks in the head , its hard to explain.

 

Sunday was better, started off low mood but i drove to the beach for the day and the mood lifted around lunchtime, it was a 4 hour round trip and i managed to drive both ways.

Today woke to tears, brain panics- felt pretty " wired and ramped up for most of the morning, but it had all passed by evening time, maybe the stress overload im not sure, maybe rewiring job happening who knows, but im sure STRESS was a major factor.

For those following my story we are both awaiting the results for my husband, who still is unmedicated and dealing with the stress and depression created by this situation.

I also coped very very well with the fall out from this until last few days, seems now.........my hubby is starting to cope a bit better, its hit me, lets hope its short lived - fingers crossed.

Will be back to update!!!!

[Barbarannamated]

Hey Angie. Sounds like you're pushing through this stress amazingly well. I applaud your resilience and strength. Stress tolerance seems to be a key in all of this. My mind just doesnt bounce back as it should.

 

Where do things stand with hubby? Awaiting results of testing?

 

I apologize if you've stated this already. Not firing on all cylinders today. Running on fumes, maybe.

[angie007]

Hi Barb,

 

I havent felt like iv handled it that well, if the last few days are anything to go by, but time is ticking, and yes there does have to be a resolution to this problem, that is the cause of all the stress, anxiety and depression, and the latest ramp up for me, it cant be much longer coming surely, lets hope its sooner, rather than later.

 

Its a horrible feeling to have to experience any of this at all, but Saturdays episode was the pits, thank GOD Sunday was a little better.

Today oh well , its almost over here in the UK anyway, and i survived, lets hope tomorrow is better.

 

Prayers and hugs for all here and hope all are doing ok under the circumstances.

Barb thanks for your very kind words hun, really appreciate it xx hope your doing ok

[Altostrata]

ang, can you get your husband to a counselor of any type? It sounds like you need help keeping him afloat.

[angie007]

Well husbands situation continues to roar, im going to back track over the last few months and give you all a run down.

I was doing so so well, and was really happy, then my husband got a letter from the dwp - department of work and pensions, I had booked and paid for a holiday to jamaica, and we were due to fly out a couple of days later after this letter arrived.

 

On the Sunday 2 days after the letter, my husband disappeared - i found him in a diused car park, crying, helpless, hopeless, we talked and i got him home.

2 days later we flew out to jamaica, he had a few melt downs there too, which resulted in me having to go to bed one evening at 6.30 pm as he was in a vile mood and said we were not eating out, he got aggressive when i asked if he would go and make tea seeing as were not going to be eating. We made many friends out there , all of whom commented on how miserable he was.

 

We got back, and things carried on in much the same way, he had been prescribed citalopram and took one dose , he spent the next day in bed complaining of dizzy/ muzzy heads.

I continued taking over the complete running of my home, finances, chores, minding grand kids, dealing with the dwp on his behalf, in fact everything, and i managed this perfectly.

While he sat around, often staying in bed most of the day, sinking deeper and deeper into the pity pot, as his ability to deal and handle the situation became more obvious.

 

My marriage has been fraught with issues from the early days, but none so severe as this, im feeling " why the hell am i taking all of this on, and getting nothing back, no respect, no gratitude, just having to deal with my own **** and everyone else's too.

So having done everything i felt i could possibly do, including taking him out every week for a meal, i ask him to move into my daughters empty flat - he was reluctant initially but he went.

I didnt see him for 2 days, i guess we spoke more during that time, than at any during our marriage, and we went out for a meal on the friday which went well, he told me he was thinking better and felt better so we did a week away at the coast. We left on the saturday morning, i paid and booked this as our anniversary present, i went to pick him up and we drove down had a decent day and ate out that night. The next day sunday - was our anniversary, i was upset he hadnt made the effort to get not even a card, but hid everything, all the mixed emotions, tears the lot, for fear that he may kick off.

The rest of the week passed uneventfully, and we arrived back home, i asked him if he would go back to the flat, but he refused.

 

Since getting back, things have carried on much the same as they were priuor to his leaving, i dont trust him to change, i been with him 35 years and i know he is incapable of change, although while we were apart, he recognised the need for change, but sadly as always has done very little about it.

Problem is;- his refusal to change, and the fact that he expects me to continue to put up and shut up has done little to help me, iv handled a lot of crap in my time, most of it being his and my kids, and the girl thats been there for everyone, now needs someone there for her too, but that someone isnt here and never has been , although maybe he is further away now than he ever has been.

 

Dealing with all of this has had a big impact on my health too, it hasnt helped with the symptoms i had in wd from paxil, im feeling that he never supported me in the right way, there is little respect on my part and i feel used and abused.

I also am able to recognise that what im feeling is justified, but just maybe the intensity of what im feeling probably is not -------- ie wd.

But cant help feeling this relationship is toxic and we are just bouncing off one another, but making a move permanently is hard, but i want to do the right thing for us both!!!!!!!!

[angie007]

He also tried one more pill of citalopram 2 days ago, which resulted in ramped up anxiety the next day, and i was kept awake till 4.30 am with him trying to argue and row with me, which i didnt escalate, it wasnt happening!!!!!!

 

I have him taking omega 3s and magnesium, GOD only knows how much more i can do, i talk whenever he wants, which lately seems he has little to say, which causes an atmosphere,

i feel i cant win here, its a no win situation, if i leave he has threatend to harm himself, and he wont leave, but if he stays..................

[angie007]

But his reluctance to get to grips with this, which is situational after all, and his ability to deal or help himself is grinding me down, after all iv been through, and i feel mean for saying that, because depression and anxiety is cruel, it hurts, but i cant deal with his as well as my own.

[Altostrata]

angie, you might get your relationship straight with him, tell him you don't feel he appreciates you. Even if he's in the pits he could make the effort to show you some appreciation.

[Barbarannamated]

Angie,

That's a huge burden you've been carrying in addition to your own. I'm the last one to offer relationship advice being that I've stayed long past the expiration date. Not to make excuses, but I do believe that the drugs made it hard to take action. I knew I was unhappy and deserved better, but couldn't push thru the wall of complacency and amotivation.

 

Whatever you decide to do, not do, or delay for now, remember that you have support here.

 

You deserve to be cherished and treated with respect.

 

Hugs.

B

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Its been 3 weeks since i posted here and i just called by to give you an update.

I have continued to take hubby away every weekend, and see to everything here that needs doing.

Hubby had an appointment with his doc and the doc asked him how he was feeling " ON citalopram" , he hasnt confessed to the doc that he hasnt even started it,

he said he was still suffering depression and anxiety ------ the doc DOUBLED HIS DOSE????? from 20----40mg!!!!!!

This is the same doc who was an absolute pain in the arse when i got off paxil/seroxat - i have written about him here.

Needless to say no medication has been started, but i do have him continuing fish oils and mag and doing CBT.

 

I had some bad news that a friend of mine died suddenly from pneumonia -- have to say the news really shook me.

My daughter who is due a baby in September is due to have an induction on Tuesday this next wk,due to cholestasis ( severe itching and liver function abnormal results - bile acid) and iv spent a lot of time down the hospital these last few days, which hasnt helped my anxiety, it seems that place is a trigger for me now, never used to be.

 

My son in law has some low mood situational as he hates his job, he is at the same doc practice, and he too went along to see his doc, he was prescribed would you believe this ???? Mirtazapine

I have spoken with him and convinced him that he doesn't need this junk, all he needs is to find a job whereby he feels comfortable and secure ------ so there is 2 iv saved from taking this crap.

 

I so wish someone had been there to do that for me, would have saved me so much heartache, there are still days the anxiety rages , the crying has got an awful lot better for the most part, but yes it still appears sometimes too, along with the pains in the head and neck -- they are getting to me now, but obviously i am still having stress issues with the above too, i get feelings of weakness in my arms sometimes, not the best for an avid dart player lol, but none the less, it doesnt stop or impede play at all.

I now worry though, in my stupid mind, im worried??? i have medicated wd symptoms with nicotine and connected that to my friend having pneumonia ---- and yes id love to give it up, but still feel there are times when i need it although i worry about the implications of smoking.

The mental heads and weird sensations, zoning out and irrational thoughts, ah well, they are of course a lot better than they once were ------ but sadly still there, i so wish they weren't - can anyone here tell me if this seems right?? going into 16months Paxil free ???

I will of course update more next week for anyone following my story.

[peggy]

angie, what a lot you have going on at the moment!

you are doing great - anyone would be feeling the stress, let alone still suffering Paxil w/d.

 

Sending you lots of good vibes for husband, son and of course you

[Barbarannamated]

Hey Angie. You sure do have a ton on your shoulders and are managing it. My thinking on different *substances* has changed radically through this. I will take a known risk over an unknown, undetermined (and thought to be SAFE) risk any day. Of course, none of these substances are good and to avoid altogether is ideal. However, it seems the ones perceived to be safe per the FDA are actually the most harmful. Unknown dangers and all.

 

I'm so sorry about your friend. I have hospital phobia also. Ironically, when im feeling poorly, part of me instinctively thinks I must go to hospital (medical, NOT psych ever). Then reality hits me and I realize the harm that medicine has done me.

 

It sounds like you're doing great, especially considering all that is going on. Also, you've saved 2 people from this hell. Job well done! I wish I could do the same. All of my people disregard my experience because they think they (and their kids) *really need* drug cocktails. It's torturous to hear of the polypharmacy some friends' kids are on - SSRIs, neuroleptics, anticonvulsant/mood stabilizers...

 

Hugs!

B

[angie007]

Hi Guys, would you believe its now been 3 months and the situation that kicked all of this off with my husband is still unresolved, despite many telephone calls for updates.

Things continue much in the same way, he has a bad "do" with anxiety/depression, and he keeps me up all darn night arguing.

He hasnt taken the citalopram, but went back to the doc for his review, he told the doc how he was still feeling - bearing in mind * he updosed him to 40mg *, the doc said ok snap the dose in half ( 40-20 for 1day) then lose a quarter of whats left for the next 3 days then off ------ oh and you will get some very strange weird symptoms, dont be bothered by them, they will go away rapidly ------THEN start MIRTAZAPINE.

Of course, the prescription and his advice went straight in the trash.

 

My new grandson has arrived on wednesday morning this week, it was a hard labour that didnt progress - dilation wise, and she ended up having a c-section using a spinal block, pity they forgot to add the pain killer to it though, as my daughter experienced the pain and felt everything they did ---- you could see when she got back from theatre she was grey , having had 3 c sections myself, i knew it wasnt right, and im hoping she will take this further, but dont know for sure at this stage.

 

I have been coping very well, the only thing that holds me back now is dealing with my husband, his attitude and reluctance to deal, means its all passed my way, his mood swings are hurtful as everything he feels is directed my way, and he has little interest in the pain he inflicts on me, i feel like iv worked so darn hard to get to where i am now and know i do not deserve this treatment -- i feel like iv pushed a giant boulder to the top of the hill, and just as i reach the top someone kicks it back down the hill again.

Im so sick of crying, there is nothing more i can do to help him, and he wont go see anyone ie, counselling, he doesnt grasp cbt either, and he is terrified to take meds as he knows now , he cant cope with his lot, so he wont cope with wd either. It doesnt help he is not working, im doing my best to keep his mind active and plan days for him, but i cant do it all.

Will update you all soon xx

[Nikki]

Hi Angie

 

It is amazing and wonderful to know that you did get off Paxil/Seroxat. That took guts and patience.

 

In reading about your husband's depression/anxiety I am amazed at your coping abilities/strengths. Sometimes it's like watching a Diabetic not taking their insulin and suffer.

 

Citalopram is Lexapro here. I took it and it did help with those symptoms. I took 40mgs.

In retrospect maybe 20mgs. would have been enough. Would your husband be more willing to take something like Imipramine or in the UK Lofepramine. It's old, reliable and very effective.

Less side effects weaning onto it from what I have been told by friends in the UK.

 

Angie in spite of what's going on, please take care of Angie

 

Hugs

[areyouthere]

Angie, How are you doing?

[angie007]

Hi Guys, in 2 days time i will be 17months off and have seen some changes taking place, i now play darts in a mens mixed team and a ladies team too, so im socialising, sometimes with some degree of anxiety but never anything i cannot handle, and never anything that resembles how it once was.

My symptoms now i am not putting down to wd so much as family everyday life stressors, i wont argue that the symptoms began in tapering and have petered out to become very minimal, and some days they are even non existent which i am very very grateful for.

 

However, my husbands situation continues sadly, the situation that occurred that created these issues of depression and anxiety have now been resolved satisfactorily so that does not exist anymore, however his depression and mood swings continue, along with varying degrees of anxiety, which he struggles badly to handle.

He is not grateful, appreciative or even thankful for how much i have attempted to make things as easy as i can for him, sadly....this leads me to feeling very let down, his thinking and behaviour remain irrational on times, and actions still suggest that mentally he is not in a good place yet.

He refuses to be medicated, although he has been offered several drugs, which i do understand, but at the same time, it remains difficult to help someone that refuses to help themselves.

 

Some days i get down , and others i handle this situation perfectly, i think thats a pretty normal reaction drugs or no drugs, and feel people that have never been medicated going through the same thing i am, might react in a similar way, its depressing to live with someone, who has nothing to say, apart from sit there and try to pick fault with their spouses endeavours to help, or encourage.

 

So, im now actively looking for some part time work, i will report any changes or improvements along the way, and thank you to AREYOUTHERE, for reminding me to update, as i get so busy living my life and trying to help others along this long path that i sometimes forget to pop by and ask how all my fellow sufferers are doing.

There certainly was a time ( especially in the pits of hell) where i doubted this could ever get any better, i now understand that thinking, and have come here to tell you all today, that maybe my life isnt perfect, maybe i still have a little way to go, my problems right now are not all mine, but i can still report with 100% confidence that indeed things have never been better with wd at least lol, i would consider myself to be probably about 85% back to how i was, yrs ago i would have accepted that and settled for it -----------now, i want more, i want that 100% or as close as i can get to it, and i expect ( pray lol) to be able to report further improvement in the near future.

[Altostrata]

It's been a long road, angie! Good to hear from you again.

[Mixter]

Great news angie! Indeed, it is possible to recover and become well, as you have shown through your pits of despair and then become better after.

 

I am into my 4th year of Effexor XR (the Devil) taper, now at 49.8 mgs. Soon there! I never thought it was possible, but it is.

 

It have been so hard, this depression when the meds stop working (poopout each after 2 weeks)

 

Slow and steady 6% each 2-3 weeks is working good for me.

 

Would be nice to PM each other and talk some.

[angie007]

HEY MIX,

 

Good to hear from you my friend, drop me a line, we can talk anytime !! x

[angie007]

Hi Guys, how is everyone here doing??

 

I just dropped by with an update, my husband situation remains much the same, his latest drug to be offered by the doctor was effexor lol, so far iv managed to keep him off prozac, citalopram and effexor lol, anyway, i still spend many many hours here discussing his issues, dunno if im getting anywhere with him or not really, he has now got a job and back in work, the first job he went to lasted a week, he was struggling badly mentally and physically, this one he seems to be handling with my help ----- although there is no such thing as job security anymore due to the economic slump, lets say he is gainfully employed for now.

I have anther grandchild due in the next month, so i will update on arrival lol ----this is grandbaby number 10 OUCH and xmas is coming too lol.

 

I am now 18months post Seroxat / paxil, and its been a very long, hard journey if im honest , even slow taper, since passing the 14mth stage i have had many good/ better days lol, some times anxiety is non existent, other days its there with no trigger, im doing my best to use techniques i have learned along the way to cope with it -however when symptoms flare and they do now and then ( ie waves etc) i notice the occipital headpain ramp up too, for those who dont know what this is, its head pain in the back of the head and neck. Somedays i can peace and quiet within my mind and body, others feel stressed with again no trigger. My emotional status is better than it has been for years, although i still have my days lol, but again i will have my cry and move on past it, there was a time i couldnt even do that much. Im pretty certain that the symptoms i get now and then are connected to waves now, anxiety, stressed feeling, unease, tenseness, headpain, aches and pains, tears, heavy headed ------ id like it if they all went away for good lol, and some days they do, but up to now im still seeing a return, but there does seem to be longer gaps between the returns now with decent days in between, im happy to say.

 

Im still job hunting, not much around here at moment, but i am actively looking, and in the meantime have thrown myself into getting my home ready and prepared for xmas, looking after and helping out with my grandchildren and i have now started xmas shopping.

I still play darts socially and have joined a spiritual church for enlightenment which has helped a great deal -at least there are no hidden side effects from that.

You know 18months ago, i would have been happy to be where i am today, and i am grateful to have survived believe me, but now i want normal 24/7 ---- i apologise if people think im greedy, but i been at this for the last 7years --- and i dont feel greedy for wanting something that i should be entitled to as a normal human being.

Anyway hope all are as well as can be expected, and i will update further when there is more news !!!!

[Altostrata]

ang, so good to hear from you again.

 

Life, ups and downs, eh? What else would it be?

 

You seem to have such good cheer through it all.

 

Why does your husband keep on going back for antidepressant prescriptions? Talk about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result!

[angie007]

Hi Alto, good to hear from you too, hope your ok??

 

I really dont know what satisfaction he gets from keep visiting the doctor, all they have to offer is the tools in there tool box, nothing more !!!! and there all drugs, all poisons to our system, trouble is, he thinks there is a magic bullet , some magic wand thats going to make all of this go away quickly?? isnt that why a lot of people end up on these meds anyway lol ??

When in reality we HERE all know, that if they do indeed help with one symptom, there will come a time when they create far more than they ever cure. In fact?? what the hell do they cure ?? they didnt cure anything for me, i was prescribed for a normal human emotion called grief!!!! Thank God im wise now -just a pity i wasnt as wise before i took it and had to learn the hardest way there is?? to experience damage from a legal prescription drug and the inhumane brutal symptoms that goes along with drug withdrawal.

 

Oh well, its an experience i wish id never had the misfortune to have to undergo, but now i have, i will never ever again put myself in that position where i trust a doctor or any medic in fact to be responsible for my health -physical or mental.

Lets hope one day i am able to write a recovery story here to help others xx

[Altostrata]

How about giving him fish oil? You could say it's a miracle remedy you read about on the Web.

[angie007]

Alto,

I have tried fish oil -- mag he doesnt stick with anything, if it dont produce an immediate effect it dont work, he is male and looking for instant results, im afraid he is going to be sorely disappointed, as there is no such thing, as we can all attest to lol, stupid man will realise one day that crap happens, its not the crap, its the way we react to that crap that makes the difference.

[Altostrata]

So true, ang.

[angie007]

Can anyone here attest or relate to an 18month wave ?????

 

This last week has been one of the hardest since coming off beginning May 2011.

Next question is ?? is this wd or situational, and if its situational why hit me now ????

 

My situation remains much the same here with hubby and his depression etc, the last 2 weeks also sees problem with pregnant daughter, 32 wks and has pelvic probs and a slowing of babys movements, but all seems well, although they reckon baby is small according to scans. Have been there to keep hubby off antidepressants and help a friend though relationship probs, he w3as at an all time low and considering suicide -------- i coped with it all very well.

 

Now,this last week has seen a return of the weird head sensations, anxiety, tearyness, that inner ramped up restlessness, palpitations, nausea and many other weirxd things that i remember from early wd. At 18mths off, i really dont want to attribute this to wd, but it feels so much like it, the stress i feel in my body is immense and im doing meditation and using anxiety control techniques to try and deal with it.

But at the same time, cant help wondering what the hell is going on with me right me ????????????

 

I tell myself that wd recovery is non linear and i am aware that cns probs take a long time to recover, so im sitting tight and pray that this is a wave, because i dont know how true it is, but i have also been told that the 18mth wave is the last long hard wave that we do in wd and from there on in things improve even more ??? i can only hope this is true!!!!!!

[Barbarannamated]

Angie,

 

You had a few weeks of high stress during which you held up well. Perhaps it hit you after the stressors passed or calmed somewhat, like anyone crashing after a stressful event or emergency and adrenaline surge. People (healthy or other) often have the reserves to get through the event, but hit a wall afterward (exhaustion, sick, etc). Just a theory!

 

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, Angie. Go easy on yourself. You have alot going on!

 

Hugs!

B

[angie007]

HEY GUYS AND GALS, how is everyone doing here !!!

 

i JUST POPPED BY WITH AN UPDATE, i warn you it will be a long one lol.

 

wd first ;----- ok seems at 19 months things are much much better, i am managing huge amounts of stress very well, the things i have going on now are most certainly NOT down to wd as you will see as my story unfolds below.

 

Firstly 2nd new grandson arrived 11th December at 6.52 pm weighing 5lb 80z, after a very stressful pregnancy, baby is in special care baby unit for feeding, as he was a month early, but seems to be doing very very well!! THANK GOD.

 

Hubby?? dear God WHAT CAN I SAY, things seem very much the same here, its been going on all year, i sorted the investigation out, that was resolved satisfactorily - initial trigger, along with loss of a job -also resolved.

he spent 9 months out of work, which led to me having to take out a loan so we could survive, did i ever get any thanks, respect, consideration, affection ???? i got nothing back in return for all my hard efforts and willingness to get him through this. The loan, well of course, it was used to pay bills, food and take him away from a situation he couldnt cope with at a time when he was most vunerable , and of course the time came to repay, except?? he had been out of work for 9months so i didnt have the money, i got threatened and assaulted for the repayment, i called him to tell him of the assault one morning a few weeks ago now, did he ask " are you ok?? are you hurt?? do you need me to come home???" did he hell as like, did he offer any sympathy or support?? not a chance - i have had to sell my car to repay the debt in full!!!!!! is he appreciative or thankful?? -not on your life is he.

 

We live two diffrent lives, i have him on fish oil, good grade omega 3 and vita d and magnesium ---- nothing seems to make a diffrence.

I have supported him to the best of my ability, treated him with trips away when he has been low, suicidal, and now i get this sort of treatment?? i certainly do NOT deserve this, i deserve so much better - I have told him all year, that this is NOT going to get any better unless he does the work required to make a change, he gullibly thinks he knows better, his refusal to see whats in his face and do anything about it -yet expects to wake up one day and everything in HIS world is ok again!!!!!!!!!!!! WHILE nothing in mine changes, he ignores all the hurt he creates for people around him ----massively selfish person!!!!!

This last year has been the first year in many many years iv felt anything near normal and able to live a somewhat normal life, how cruel iv had to deal with this **** on top of what iv been given over the last 7 yrs!!! But hey, the situation here is FAR from normal, but thankfully I am lol !!!!!

 

Im sorry to say, i know what i NEED to do, and i know i need to do this for me!! whats stopping me????

We have many many years between us, and the FEAR of being alone - but could i really BE more alone than i am now i ask myself??

 

Is this wd?? not on your life is it, this is pure situational ------- although the upset i feel may still be neuro emotions to some extent, i think i am justified to feel the way i do!!!

What more can i do to help someone who is obviously not willing to help himself ???? He chooses to ignore the fact , that me -his wife went through something so much worse unsupported by him or my family --his suffering is much worse of course, he has no concept at all of how much worse it could be!!

Maybe someone here would like to write to my husband and tell him whats needed here, or offer some advice!!

[Altostrata]

Congratulations on the new grandbaby, Ang. And -- congratulations on being able to say you're out of withdrawal syndrome. Is it time for a success story?

 

Do you remember when you never thought you'd get to this day?

 

It sounds like as you got clearer, the flaws in your marriage surfaced. For your sake, something has to change. Revolution ahead!

[angie007]

Hey all, how is everyone doing ????

 

WEll, time passes, and here we are , its now almost 28months since my last tiny sliver of Seroxat/ Paxil, and during that time, there have been many many better times, Iv been to Mexico, iv even had a couple of drinks with no ill effect, iv had teeth removed ------yuck!! dental phobia is a biggie lol but i went and had it done, and spent the day in bed hahahah ,  Mexico was beautiful and I had an amazing time there with no problems My youngest grandsons are both now almost ! years old and doing really well.

 

Situation with my husband -- still remains much the same, he is now working along with my son, im not sure he will ever really appreciate all that i have done, but - we live in the same house still.

 

As for yucky wd, lets just say this, I was doing really really well, able to live a pretty normal life until .. i got hit with what i thought was a viral infection - i stuck it for about 12 days then a visit top the doc was in order, he diagnosed sinusitus and prescribed clarithromycin - i was loathe to take it and the doc knew that, but he sort of scared me into taking it, by telling me a complication of sinusitis can be meningitis - so i took under pressure and fearful of any repercusssions.

he gave me a 7 day course 250mg twice a day with food, i followed his instructions exactly and NEVER googled a thing.

Day 1 seemed okish -apart from low mood and crying, day 2 more of the same, along with this vile amonia smell and taste that made me want to gag, day 3 more of the same plus heightened anxiety, day 4, really feeling unwell by this stage, crying, feeling jittery, shaky, nervous - had to stay in was too unwell to go out --- by this stage i GOOGLE !! there is a website - a forum for patients all of whom have experienced all that i did, THAT was the last day i took abs .    The Infection i had seems so much better, but my first day without abs was terrible, i awake to pounding heart, pulse rate of 139, elevated blood pressure - not severe, just higher than normal for me, nausea. light headed, dizzy , nauseaus and faint feelings --- i had to babysit two babies this day, and wanted desperately to lie down but couldnt, i made it through and the anxiety was unbearable  --- i am now 8 days off clarithromycin and each day has gotten a little better, still not 100% just better .  Still evidence at 28months down the line my nervous system is still jacked. but proof also that my coping mechanism has been perfected to have been able to get through it lol.

 

I feel angry..... at that doc appointment he remarked on how good i looked , and how well i was !! ( this is the ignorent doc i spoke of in my earlier posts here - who couldnt accept seroxat was the cause of my issues).   We talked at this appointment about prior probs id had ie, blood sugar - and he said it was no longer necessary to be tested each year for diabetes as my last results had been normal, we then talked of anxiety, he said i should never ever have been medicated for grief issues, and never needed this drug or any drug --- i told him the anxiety was more normal levels now when it presented itself, and there were of course many times it wasnt there at all ---- he said " I am not prepared to medicate you for anxiety that WAS INDUCED BY ANOTHER DRUG " HE GETS IT NOW...... i then asked about the script for abs --- can these cause a ramp up of anxiety or any issues ---- most definately not was his reply.

 

I guess, i gleaned some hope and trust back from his admission of seroxat, and wish to god i hadnt --- he isnt educated at all --- the listed side effects of clarithromycin - which is BIAXIN is of course, anxiety, depression, nervous system stuff, shakes, jitters, palpitations, rotten perversion to taste and smell--- and of course the crazy mental heads too - all of which i suffered from my 4day use, and its happened to folk who never ever took any ssri or did any wd  at all..  So i guess im just warning all here to be cautious and do your research in wd, when antibiotics are necessary, and only use them as a last resort too.

 

Hopefully a few more days and i can bounce back from the effects of clarithromycin  ------- as for wd !! well its something i want to leave in my past, i dont relate much to wd anymore if im honest, but i had hoped at over 2 yrs out, i would be able to take an ab with less problems lol .

I will be back to inform all how long it took for side effects to disappear , but its nowhere near as bad as last sunday, when i had that dying feeling- today there is a fun day im going to, and out to dinner too - if i can manage to eat, my appetite has been pretty ,low since my ab use 0- we shall see, more laterz guys - stay as well as you can all xxxx

[Altostrata]

ang, good to hear from you.

 

I'm sure you will recover from this setback. Brilliant job educating your doctor.

 

Hugs to you, angie!

[angie007]

Hey guys, Alto my apologies for not dropping by sooner, iv really missed you all, but have been kept pretty busy lol.....i am now 33months POST my last tiny lick of Seroxat/ paxil, after an extremely slow taper... it was hard but i survived it and lived to tell the tale ( so far lol), lots of things have changed for me since my last post..... i still take care of my grand babies once a week, which i love to do, i also love the peaceful return when they leave with there parents also hahaha, as regards my marital issues - nothing changes, he is reluctant to deal with what he broke here, and yes i am sad, that he cant or wont right now.... it isnt easy to write about that right now, as i still feel pretty raw from it all, and realise the impact that had on me, but i also realise after 35 yrs it would impact on anyone regardless of having been on psyche meds or in wd also.

 

Which brings me nicely to the state of play at 33months off lol...

many many things have left and not come back, anxiety can still feature but its a whole different flavour to early wd, so much less intense, although i now deal with it when it crops up in a whole different way, it doesnt scare me anymore, i dont even care it is there anymore.. i think i beat the beast down lol... For the most part my days are so so much better, with the odd day thrown in here and there, to remind me now and then lol- hey look a me i still exist even in a small way , im so pleased to be where i am now, as opposed to where i once was, and im here to reassure others they can be too... it gets better the further away from the last dose ..... i will be back to write a recovery story a little later...just wanted to pop in and say hello to all, and to leave an update on current state of play here.

 

Hope all are doing ok, and big hugs to altostrata for all the help, support and validation she provides, and for being the campaigner she is in informing and educating the masses, i will be back all and soon xx

[Altostrata]

So nice to see you, Ang. And doing so well! xxx

[mammaP]

Thank you for stopping by Angie, it's good to see someone who has gone through all this

and come out the other side well and happy. 

[Nikki]

Hi Angie

 

Which brings me nicely to the state of play at 33months off lol...

many many things have left and not come back, anxiety can still feature but its a whole different flavour to early wd, so much less intense, although i now deal with it when it crops up in a whole different way, it doesnt scare me anymore, i dont even care it is there anymore.. i think i beat the beast down lol... For the most part my days are so so much better, with the odd day thrown in here and there, to remind me now and then lol- hey look a me i still exist even in a small way , im so pleased to be where i am now, as opposed to where i once was, and im here to reassure others they can be too... it gets better the further away from the last dose ..... i will be back to write a recovery story a little later...just wanted to pop in and say hello to all, and to leave an update on current state of play here.

 

Hope all are doing ok, and big hugs to altostrata for all the help, support and validation she provides, and for being the campaigner she is in informing and educating the masses, i will be back all and soon xx

 

 

This just amazed me.  The anxiety part.....Bless your heart.  It was very interesting to read that it is not like it was during your taper.  Thank you for coming back and sharing.

 

I also liked how you said, the further we get away from that last dose, the better things become.

 

Thanks again best regards