☼ angie007's story

[angie007]

Hi all,

 

Well here i am 9.5 months off Paxil ( Seroxat), and many things have gotten a whole load better for the most part.

Anxiety is for the most part very very low level and i even have days where its non existent, sleep for the most part is pretty good, but i admit to having the odd night where it just doesn't happen at all, head pain/neck pain still remains an issue along with the teariness when i'm having a day that's not so good. I still cannot handle stress in the way i once did - and often react pretty badly to it, as i did this last week.

 

My sister in law was diagnosed with breast cancer recently and is now on her 3rd dose of chemotherapy, when she was rushed into the cancer hospital with a blood clot on the spleen.

I went to pick her up on discharge day after treatment, and i'm really really sorry for the poor woman who passed away right there before my very eyes i really am, but it really did wonders for my anxiety levels,( that was Tuesday this week) today is Thursday, the head pain has been virtually there most days, the tears, the evening nausea, the nervous system issues, jitters/shakes and that general feeling of nervousness has not been pleasant.

 

So i guess i'm writing this to say that even though life is not perfect YET, its a whole lot better than it once was.

And although the stress of the above has hit me hard, i managed to drive 35 mile back and hide what i was feeling from everyone - especially my sister in law.

[Maybe]

Hey Angie,

 

I am very sorry to hear that your sister in law was diagnosed with breast cancer. I hope she will that she will overcome the cancer!

 

But I am of course glad to hear that you are having improvements. As you know it is just normal to have those up and downs, but they become lesser and easier to manage.

 

Wish you much more healing in the coming months, Angie!

[angie007]

Has anyone else here had this head and neck pain???

Its basically back of head and neck area thats affected ???

Its been pretty much persistent since coming off paxil, but have had odd bouts where it hasnt been present at all.

Maybe its my anxious mind created by the stress of this last week and it could just be tension or muscle stiffness i dont know, but id be glad if someone

else told me that it was normal and they'd suffered from it too ----just to put my mind at ease of course.

[Nadia]

It sounds like it could be a tension headache.

[angie007]

Here I am again guys,

 

This last week, consisted of my husband losing his job, what a week, he is down and miserable as you would expect someone to be, that has never ever been out of work before,

so i got some paint and had him paint my dining room, kitchen and utility room out, which led to my part, the bleaching, scrubbing and cleaning and the de- cluttering, so once that was done,

I then drove my daughter 40miles for laser eye surgery. Saturday arrived and everywhere down stairs looked gleaming and bright, so I set about doing the upstairs, under beds, de cluttering wardrobes, and bleached both bathrooms out too.

 

Best of it is this, i felt ok while I w3as doing it, and just as i was on the last cupboard before id finished, i got HIT, dizzyness, pain in back of head/neck, felt wiped out and pretty rotten if im honest.

Can someone here tell me this is normal for us????

I guess i spend half my life supporting others and telling them NOT to over do it, and I go do the very same thing myself lol ---hopefully this will pass and wont hang around too long,

it had me fooled i tell you, i felt good and felt up to doing it -then BAM out of the blue, its made me really teary aS I JUST WANT TO DO THE NORMAL THINGS IN LIFE AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT, HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH YOU KNOW.

 

Prior to this, iv been pretty good to be honest, except for one day of pretty deep depression - due to the above news of my hubbys, not symptom free just yet of course, but so so much better -

or was xxxxx

[Altostrata]

Good for you ang, sounds like you just overdid it a little, and got overtired. Maybe the fumes from the cleaning solutions and paint has something to do with it, too -- hit your hypersensitivity.

[angie007]

Oh Boy what a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to say iv had many better ones than the last few days, with today being about the worst in a very long time.

Last night my sleep was crap, i last looked at the clock at 1.30am, sometime after that i must have nodded off, only to be woken again at 4.45, the anxiety was off the scale,

the buzzing in the chest and the crazy death thoughts flying round my head, which i couldn't shift, no matter how many techniques i used.

I must have managed to control it at some point and went back off to sleep for a couple of hours, only to wake up to more of the same.

The anxiety has been cruel all day long, but iv pushed through and managed to get a lot done.

 

Hm, i would say, that this has a trigger, hence the death stuff flying round my head, got sent some emails yestrday which i opened and read,unaware of the total contents,

i thought i could handle it at almost 10months off, but realise now, just how wrong i was.

Can someone here just offer a hand to hold, some reassurance ??????

I cant put my finger on anything other than those emails that may have triggered this, as I have very few stressors in my life right now.

Maybe this is just a wave i dont know, the tears have flowed pretty well today, along with the crap appetite too, and although i have seen much improvement over the last few months,

this sure feels like a set back in many ways.

[Baxter]

Hi, Angie,

 

Sorry to see that you're feeling bad. That middle of the night anxiety is a real kick in the pants. Good for you for getting up and getting on with it.

 

Hang in there, you're doing great.

 

Deborah

[Karma]

Hi Ang,

 

Here, take my hand, you are going to get past this. The death thoughts will fade and you will get beyond it. It is probably a wave and you will emerge and feel normal again.

 

Other than overdoing it, is there anything you can put your finger on that might have precipitated this?

 

No matter, hang on - you can get to the other side of it. {{{HUGS}}}

 

Karma

[Nadia]

Hi Angie,

 

Thanks so much for your post on my thread! I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time as well. I send you a huge hug, and hope things get better, I'm sure you're husband losing his job could still be a stressor, that is still very recent! And when you destabilize, I find you stay more sensitive for a while. Hang in there! These are just temporary setbacks.

[angie007]

HI Guys,

 

Well I seem to have been doing relatively well recently until... this last few days, Monday saw the start of what i can only describe as a "stroky headache", it wasn't so much the pain, but

the sensation i experienced made me feel i was going to have a stroke, Im happy to say that passed, by Tuesday i was good again, Wednesday was perfect until..... the evening, it was my darts night out, and i started to feel some uncomfortable sensations in my head , they felt like my brain was hyper excitable, and normally symptoms like that would have me running for home, but

not this time, i stayed the night and enjoyed myself best way i could.

Today woke again with the same excitable sensation in the head and have been pretty teary most of the day.

 

Then it struck me!!!!! I have had these feelings before, at the very lower doses of Paxil, I wrote here about them, I haven't had these in such a long time, I hadn't even noticed they had gone away -------- until today. The only good thing is, that they are a lot less intense than they used to be, but i guess, when they reappear after a long absence they're scary and feel like the worst thing ever. Can anyone else relate???

[angie007]

Well this last week hasnt been the best iv ever had in wd i have to say, not only did it include waking to a wet bed, its seen a return of the anxiety,

nervousness, crying and all the other delightful crap, including some zaps.

 

Iv still tried my hardest to get through my days and live a life, Thursday was hard with a return of the mental confusion and irrational thoughts

all centred around death and dying, they were eased a little by friday, but replaced with the anxiety/nervousness in the store, when i went to collect the kids easter eggs. The tearyness has been a right pain, walking round trying to hide what im feeling from family and friends is a hard task,

but this wd crap makes good actors and actresses of us all lol.

Im hoping and praying that this is just a wave, albeit a longer wave than im used to.

 

Wishing you all a peaceful and symptom FREE easter -----if its possible xxx

[elizabeth11]

Angie007

 

You have more strength than you realize. People who know you online are routing for you to keep succeeding (and are in exactly the same boat!)

[angie007]

Well im almost at 12mths off, boy its gone fast, but feels like forever when your eager to recover from this chemical mess.

Have had some days of no symptoms, others that have been tolerable, and others that have simply not been worth breathing for, so its been a mix of good and bad.

The last couple of months i have seen many days of less intense symptoms and quite a few days of no symptoms, but its a strange one, even now anxiety can strike, after being without it for a while, and NO TRIGGER would you believe, can wake up feeling good, and it can descend out of the blue and last the whole day or disappear within hours.

 

Im amazed just how much i have done this last year, and particularly this last couple of months, its not over yet, but im so glad to be where i am now, compared to where i was this time last year, I will be back with my ONE YEAR off update.

[angie007]

Can anyone relate to this;-

 

The last few days i have had some family stresses with my elderly father and my brothers, but have noticed a ramp up of anxiety in the mid afternoons, that makes my head feel weird

and my vision off too ---- Im 11.5mths off, is this the 11/12mth wave or more situational, either way i know the therapy is the same, keep walking through and pray it ends !!!!!!!!!!!

[angie007]

Darn anxiety, its been the pits, head and neck pain and tightness in jaw area persists - i think this could be what they term " tension", teary, feel darn awful,

WTH is going on here.

[Nikki]

Hi Angie....

 

Family issues are very stressful and anxiety producing. The tightness in the jaw is most likely from grinding your teeth during sleep. That causes neck, head and face. That's what it sound like to me.....

 

Nikki

[Barbarannamated]

Hey Angie,

I'm at roughly a year post Pristiq and have had the worst week in a very long time. I've also noticed that negative emotion is hitting late afternoon which used to be the better part of the day. My mornings aren't quite as bad. I read somewhere that the 11 month range brought a bad wave for some. I don't recall specifics.

I have several stressors that are taking me down. I can't seem to deal with anything.

Please keep me posted on how you're doing. I'm sorry you're experiencing this but a little relieved to know how badly im functioning may be withdrawal related. I tend to blame everything else first.

The neck, back, and jaw pain has been wicked.

[angie007]

Barb??

You telling me, that you have been the same??

 

Dear God, when does this stuff ever let up.

I must admit, iv had better days, but6 i had some situational stuff with my elderly father and brothers, which created a lot of stress for me, and the back lash of that started

and hasnt let up since, and on top of that im approaching the one year off mark, i feel bitterly disappointed im not better than I am, and im sorry if i sound mean, but i have been at this crap since 2005, im feeling very worn down by it all, the anxiety still rages, and im trying my best to just "BE" but sometimes NOTHING works, the tension head/neck and jaw tightness

persists and iv found myself walking round here, crying inside, just wanting to be " normal" again.

 

I have heard others say, that they had a ramp up of stuff around the 11/12mth mark, but today seriously iv had the sensitive nervous system stuff, cog stuff and just feel like im running on half a brain cell, with all the mental stuff flying around too --------this is one HELL of a ride, i cannot wait to get off, along with everyone else here.

There are days --- these last few days in particular where i doubt myself and spend my time wondering if this ever ends to be honest.

The emotions run high here, im teary as hell and overly emotional thats for sure.

[Barbarannamated]

Angie,

Yes, exactly. I have zero stress tolerance and alot of stressors. I've been hit with more anger recently, usually late day when I WAS feeling better. The head/neck stiffness puts me over the edge. I've had far worse true pain that I could tolerate, but the head stuff is different somehow- effects my thinking, feeling, everything. If my arm hurts, for example, I can section that off to some degree.

Everything you describe resonates with me. Im having a hard time directing my anger in any healthy direction and it's turning into a f*** it feeling. I know that's a bad trajectory.

It may be the 'I should be making progress' but am going in the wrong direction. I want to enjoy a summer, too.

 

The mornings are much better. I have to find the few nuggets.

 

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, too, Angie.

[angie007]

Oh Barb,

Im so sorry your feeling crappy too, i hope all of this settles down a lot for us both.

 

From what iv read and i dont know if anyone here can attest to the fact, that many many people report a bad wave around the time frame we are in wd??

Some say its the longest and hardest wave, then this next year will see less intense waves and better windows ------hope thats true hahahaha.

Keep strong barb im here for you whenever you need, cry, vent, rant, rave whatever it takes my friend, im here for you.

I do understand.

[Barbarannamated]

Oh Barb,

Im so sorry your feeling crappy too, i hope all of this settles down a lot for us both.

 

From what iv read and i dont know if anyone here can attest to the fact, that many many people report a bad wave around the time frame we are in wd??

Some say its the longest and hardest wave, then this next year will see less intense waves and better windows ------hope thats true hahahaha.

Keep strong barb im here for you whenever you need, cry, vent, rant, rave whatever it takes my friend, im here for you.

I do understand.

 

Thank you, Angie! I'm going to hold onto the belief that things improve in this next year. Even if it's 'placebo effect', I'll take it!

xo

Barb

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Just popped by with an update as i approach my one year off paxil im concerned by returning symptoms of anxiety feeling almost mildly akathsic if im honest, and of course the " going mental in the head " feelings too, think apart from akathsia in the past, this mental head , wired, tenseness is ONE of the worst things for me.

Has anyone else here noticed a ramp up around a similar time frame?? and how long did it last??

I have a feeling that since i got off, this seems to be one of the hardest and longest waves iv had as yet --- anyone else come across this too???

[angie007]

HI Guys,

 

Well my one year passed and then i got hit with a 2 week wave, a return of the intense anxiety, wired, restless feelings, thats passed now Thank God.

But this morning a strange thing happened, i went out yesterday and bought a mirror glass coffee table for my lounge, and hadnt long woken when the delivery guy arrived,

and of course he was on his own, so he asked me could i help him to the door with it, which meant he took one end and i take the other.

Didnt realise just how heavy the darn thing was until i lifted it, anyway as we were moving it, i started feeling dizzy, palpitations, felt like a i wasnt breathing correctly,

shaky and jittery, and feeling like i may pass out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and told the guy to leave it out the back, hopefully i may get some strong visitors today.

The feelings passed later, but at the time were awful.

Is this a reaction to doing too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

[Nikki]

Angie you said you had just woken up. Maybe it was too much for an AM activity.

 

When I was on paxil I would get that feeling of almost passing out. You are off of it, and are going thru a bad spell, so maybe it is both. As long as it passed and you are feeling better, don't sweat it.

 

Hugs

[angie007]

Hi Nikki,

 

It did pass relatively quickly, but......... then i got hit with the " what if this is my heart" stuff, and it was played on my mind all darn morning, i walked round crying,

and of course i made it through the day lol.

 

Following my recent 2 week wave, this last week has been better, and I hope you are all going to pray for me, because Im flying out to jamaica for a 2 week holiday

next Tuesday, and I have a lot of mixed emotions about it, happy, sad, apprehensive etc, its the first time I will have flown Med fREE,

Im bagging my wd crap up and plan to dump it over there, if anyone else would like to do the same, im happy to oblige lol.

No seriously, I think i need some reassurance that I can indeed do this, no matter what the days away may bring wd wise, and the other thing, im apprehensive about is sun exposure,

as i have read about folk being sensitive need i worry, as i havent been affected before, but then I have always done holidays with some degree of paxil floating around my system.

 

Darn drugs and wd, Id love to go and not have to think about " how i maybe" "what my days may bring" " will i be restricted because of symptoms while im away.

[angie007]

Because i do whatever i can, however i feel for the most part, and sometimes end up paying the price anyway lol.

[Barbarannamated]

Angie! Have a wonderful time! You'll be better than ok. Allow yourself to relax into "island time"... island music... the Caribbean foods... I love to get a float/raft and enjoy the lulling motion of the emerald blue sea.

Can I come?!

B

[angie007]

Well here we go, where do i begin???

IM stressed, tired, shaky, jittery, teary, my head is a shed.

Iv had that many situational stresses this last week - even my husband is stressed, depressed and has symptoms of anxiety, and nothing to do with wd or holiday either.

I have one particular HEAVY stressor thats going to be lingering until the week after I get back from holiday, cant be resolved before i go unfortunately.

How damn unfair that life could be so darn cruel, how the hell do i try and calm my nervous system and stop crying.

The only hope i have is that i will get used to carrying this burden around for the next couple of weeks, or my holiday is ruined before i even leave.

[Barbarannamated]

Angie,

{{{BIG HUGS}}} I'm sorry this has cropped up just before your holiday.

Vacations themselves are stressful. Seems counterintuitive, but the time just before has put me in a state difficult to describe - anxiety combined with good anticipation. Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale lists VACATION right alongside CHRISTMAS and VIOLATING A MINOR LAW in terms of stress. Just a little tidbit I thought I'd share in case it may be playing in as a stealth stressor. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale#section_3

 

You have alot of people here who love you if it's anything you want to talk about.

 

What's a "shed head"?

 

Love, B

[angie007]

Hey Guys,

 

Well here I am, i'm now into my 14TH month Paxil free, and i have just returned from my 2 week vacation to Jamaica.

I am happy to tell you, that although not everyday was good, i pushed through it all and did EVERYTHING it was possible to do while away.

I did a swim with dolphins, a Catamoran trip, visited Bob Marleys home, Dunns River Falls, hobby cat across the island, met loads of nice people, ate well, slept well for the most part, and did a return 10 hour flight too.

 

I got off the plane Thursday morning, was dizzy, shaky, jittery, nauseaus, and have remained in much the same way since, maybe i have some jet lag thats escalating this i have no idea, but hopefully it will pass, i slept well Thursday night, last night sleep was crap lol. Today is a teary day with a lot of death and dying thoughts, but i will continue to push through.

I should be feeling proud of what i have achieved this last two weeks really, but instead this other crap has taken over and destroying my newly found bit of confidence, which i hope is short lived.

 

I also dealt with my hubbys depressive/anxious moods on holiday, there were some days he was teary, miserable, worried, uncomfortable --- not an nice thing to see, but im sure after Tuesday this week, his symptoms will resolve somewhat.

I know, that by writing this, there might be some here, who think maybe she has a better wd than me, as i couldnt do that, or go that far away from home, TRUST ME, it wasnt easy, to say the least, but wd has no compassion , it doesnt matter geographically where you are in the world, if it decides to move in, it will do, and it leaves when it feels like it, its just iv done this crap for so long now, ( since 2005) iv gotten to thinking, i either live my life ALONGSIDE symptoms, or i do nothing but sit it out and wait for it to end, and GOD only knows when that may happen, so i chose to live, and if the darn crap decides to tag along-then so be it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I have written this to let others know, that IT IS POSSIBLE to achieve things - but i find there is always a price to pay - my turn to pay --------now lol xxx

[angie007]

Well, tomorrow is the day!!!!! hopefully the stress that occurred before my holidays will be resolved tomorrow, fingers crossed, and im praying that i can get my act together to go with my husband anxious, shaky and jittery as i am, and give him the support he needs.

 

So, im asking anyone here that reads this message to say a few prayers and send them our way ------ i think we are going to need them x

[Barbarannamated]

Angie,

Good wishes, energy, prayers en route!

 

B

[InNeedOfHope]

Good luck, hope you feel better after tomorrow and it goes well x

[angie007]

Hi Guys,

 

Well things were not resolved at that meeting, sorry to say, the saga continues, hence the start of hubbys anxious / depressive state, which of course has had an impact on my own recovery.

Of course im dealing with this latest stuff very well under the circumstances, but wont pretend it doesnt have a knock back effect.

The day after the meeting, really ramped up some stuff for me, and that evening i went to bed feeling pretty unwell, i was jittery, shaky and nervous, then i felt all this nerve jangly feelings through out my body, it wasnt painful, b ut it was pretty scary - anyone else experienced this???????????? if you have please share to put my mind at rest.

I am telling myself its from the additional stress from the situational stuff at the moment, as its pretty depressing to be going through this and seeing someone else suffer too.

[angie007]

WEll here we are 11 days post the appointment date and still no resolution.

 

Husband has had a melt down and can deal with nothing.

After the appointment that day, he disappeared with my pill box and a stanley knife, he spent 4 hours driving round --- i had no clue where the hell he was, i eventually managed to send a message to his cell fone to tell him he either contacted me or i was phoning the police. I spent hours driving round looking for him worried sick. he eventually called to say he was at the hospital, he had seen the doctor and they had called in the crisis team, they listened and suggested he see his own doctor the next day.

 

I attended the doctor apptment whereby i explained id given him the odd diazepam - diazepam that had been rxd for me to be able to attend the two weddings of last yr, which i hasten to add i attended with no med help at all, he said ok, but i wont rx any more as theyre addictive and calmly wrote out an rx for citalopram as it is a non addictive drug lol.

 

He sat on the script for over a week, and saw the doc again on Thursday of this week, where the doc advised him to take the citalopram and gave him Temazepam for sleep, although he is sleeping

well every night.

This has a situational trigger ------ my husband is solely responsible for this problem and now feels he cant handle or deal with it, iv had to do it all, in wd or not, iv had to handle all that needs doing here, see t my own kids plus grandchildren issues, plus try and take care of my own health too -its hard, but i can say im doing a good job.

He took one citalopram 20mg tablet on thursday night, and spent most of yesterday Friday in bed with dizzyness and muzzy heavy head -this raises a big red flag for me, but it was his decision to not take the tablet last night. My intention was to try and distract him from what he is feeling and thinking, and keep him busy with other things, knowing for sure in my own mind, that there are no magic bullets or an easy way to deal with whats happening here, especially anything in a pill thats going to make it all disappear, but hey sometimes we can only do so much, sometimes folk have to experience just what we have had to, before they will listen or believe us ---i must have been a model patient for him not to know or have any idea of how bad this has been.

 

The situation that has created this, is yet unresolved 12 days past the interview date, its a waiting game, and every day that passes is not helping with how he is feeling, i will update as and when i can.