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My Life is in Danger


alex
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I am sorry to post this way, but I am feeling absolutely overwhelmed by this tragic event in my life.

I have such a terrible sense of loss, dispair and fear, that I can't take it anymore.

I have lost everything that has meaning for me or to anyone: I have lost my sleep, my sexuality is very impaired, I am a singer and I've lost my voice...I have money problems, there is no joy in my life, but anxiety,fear and profound sadness.

This is no life; at least not for me.And the idea that this nightmare will last for years is just to much.

I don't want to die, but I don't want to "live" like this.I don't.

I am a 60 yrs old man, my life hasn't been good because of emotional problems, and now this...I think about death 24/7

I am sorry

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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Oh, Alex!

 

My heart breaks for you and if I could wrap my arms around you and hug real hard and make it all better I swear I would, even if you are deep in the jungles of Costa Rica!

 

This withdrawal from meds is the worst of anything I can think of that a human has to go through, it's a fight against ourselves and we are so alone in this fight sometimes..... even with the support of all of us here, each with his own suffering too, we all hurt when one of us is hurting.

 

How can we help you? If your sig is accurate you are close to being one year off meds. I have no idea of your situation, I'll be over to read your thread as soon as I post this. I know some of the wiser minds will be along to help. Know that I am here for you!

 

I'm near the same age as you, a hair older, and it seems we have nearly the same things to battle - aging, those rotten emotional problems, finances. Please forget all of that stuff for now and comfort yourself, you deserve to be well and I know it will come.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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I'm so sorry.

 

I've felt similar.

 

Please hang in there. It will start to get better.

Started Fluoxetine Jan. 2010

Tried to go off of it in Sept. 2010

Weaned too fast and was back on it by Nov. 2010

Didn't work as good the second time around.

Started to wean again in Nov. 2011 and was off for good by April? 2012

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Alex, I hear your pain and recognize some of it as my own.  There's not much to do except to read the stories here and remind yourselves that things do get better.  

 

 

 

the idea that this nightmare will last for years is just to much.

It may not and it certainly won't continue being as difficult as it is.  Your fear is rooted in the feeling that the way you feel now will continue on forever.  I have this fear too, I think we all do when things get bad.  But it wont last forever and real life will return gradually.

Please try to bear it out, for yourself and for us too!  

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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Alex I am so sorry you are suffering so badly. It's horrendous torture that we go through with this.

Every day at some time I feel the same way but thankfully now it passes. I'm just a bit older than you, have pushed 

away my friends and now have only 1 son who talks to me. I feel ill all the time and will never work again. 

It is a lonely existence when you can't go out and the phone scares the life out of you. All you have is the pounding

in your head, pain and deep despair.  But it does pass and yours will too. You will get better Alex just get through today,

don't think about tomorrow, just today.  Much love and mamma hugs coming your way. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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I am sorry to post this way, but I am feeling absolutely overwhelmed by this tragic event in my life.

I have such a terrible sense of loss, dispair and fear, that I can't take it anymore.

I have lost everything that has meaning for me or to anyone: I have lost my sleep, my sexuality is very impaired, I am a singer and I've lost my voice...I have money problems, there is no joy in my life, but anxiety,fear and profound sadness.

This is no life; at least not for me.And the idea that this nightmare will last for years is just to much.

I don't want to die, but I don't want to "live" like this.I don't.

I am a 60 yrs old man, my life hasn't been good because of emotional problems, and now this...I think about death 24/7

I am sorry

 

Hi Alex

 

I am really sorry to hear you are hurting so badly.

I read your post and can identify with it.

I know how it feels to have no joy, and nothing to look forward to.

The emptiness gnaws away inside.

I also know how it feels to believe the pain is here for a very long time.

I suffered bad valium withdrawals but am better now. When I was suffering I started making plans to take my own life, and was only stopped because I could not procure an item I needed to do the deed.

I did not want to go any other way.

It never came to that thankfully, I am still here.

Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if needed.

Healing vibes to you so that you feel better soon. 

pregan taper 600mg down to 240mg, daily cuts since xmas

valium, just over 75mg, tapering 0.1 a day, will keep this more udated, cos amounts going down

i have borderline personality, chronic ptsd, and suspected adhd and substance misuse as a symptom, which i am addressing with help of medical staff, drugs agencies & mh sta

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Thank you all of you.

Now I feel selfish and unmature to talk this way, knowing that you are suffering out there too.

I wont give up, I am sorry,but sometimes is to much.

 

Thank you, thank you.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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hi alex

 

so sorry to hear your going through a tough time..

 

im to going through the withdrawal from Effexor xr so I know how your feeling.. I don't want you to feel im patronising you, but I honestly feel its part of the withdrawal from Effexor these feelings of despair, fear and feeling like life isn't worth living, and this will pass for you... a couple of days ago after reducing my Effexor by only 7mg, for a few days I felt very low,, and was feeling so sorry for myself.. even though the weather here has been gorgeous, I didn't wanna leave the house, didn't wanna talk to anyone, but yet felt so lonely at the same time..

 

I started having all the negative self talk,, things like im 31 but I feel like ive no life, why cant I enjoy things anymore, why cant I work full time only part time,, why was I the one who had to go through depression, why did I loose friends because they couldn't understand, what if my boyfriend leaves me, what if I never get off this medication and so cant have a baby, what if this is the way I have to live the rest of my life, im so fat, why have I gained weight on this medication etc..  this self talk is always worse for me when ive been making a further reduction in my medication..

 

fast forward to today and I had a great day, was out in the sunshine all day, was able to get lots of chores and tasks done, Yes I still get the negative self talk coming through now and again, but on days like today I can ignore it better and feel like I can cope and can get though my withdrawal..

 

you should feel very proud of yourself the fact that you were able to get off the medication,, Effexor is such a nasty drug to get off.. this is my second attempt.. so give yourself a pat on the back for that :)

your body is healing everyday from being of the medication, and you've done so well being 11  months without it..

 

I really wish you the best of luck with your journey..

 

make sure to keep in touch on here, and don't forget too post and let us know how your are feeling and getting on in the next few days..

 

all the best

 

Kx

2010-withdrew from Effexor 150mg to zero over a period of 9 months

After six weeks became very ill

Doctor was adamant a reinstatement of 150mg was needed

I didn't know much of withdrawal symptoms at this time

 

February 2013- taking beads out of capsule 150mg

have taken out 112 beads equivalent to 30mg= 120mg taken

 

June 2013- Doctor visit- recommended given me 75mg capsules

take one in morning and one at night( take beads out of night one)

 

So am currently taking 75mg in morning and take beads out of 75mg night capsule to make up the other 45mg= 120mg

 

currently am down to taking 112.5mg..

 

 presently reduced down to 103mg

 

at 93mg

at 87mg

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Hi there, Alex. I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain right now. Please know you are not alone and you are not immature for reaching out on this forum for help. We are all want to help and support you!

Tapering Zoloft, Dec 2014

Started Lamictal

Re-started Zoloft mid-Oct 2014, 25-50mg

Stopped Zoloft end of Sept 2014

Started Zoloft July 2014, 50mg

Stopped Prozac from 3mg May 2014

Stopped Effexor Dec '13 Started 10mg Prozac

Reinstated Effexor 15mg on Nov 2013

Stopped from 21mg on Oct 2013
Effexor 112.5mg, since Dec 2012

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Alex, this idea that the way you feel now is forever is part of withdrawal syndrome.  Please don't believe for a minute that you can predict the future and that this will never change.  I had those feelings off and on during my withdrawal and still experience them sometimes, like now when I'm almost over it but still don't have the creative spark I used to have.  I try to focus on the here and now, accept it however bad it may be, and tell myself that this too shall pass.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Thank you Jemima.

You will get your creative spark back, Im sure.

 

Thank you all of you.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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((sending hugs))

Dec 2004 - Put on Zoloft after having a panic attack from the Birth Control Ortho Evra Patch (the doctors thought I was completely insane when I told them I think the Birth Control Patch is giving me anxiety/panic. Funny how they tell you NOW that Birth Control can indeed cause anxiety) Started at 25mg, increased to 50 mg and 100 mg in 2007. They made me too sleepy so decreased back to 50mg until 2009. Reduced to 25 mg in 2010.

Oct 2010 - Decided to come off Zoloft to try and have children. Didn't know anything about tapering because apparently, my doctor didn't know about it either. WDs included heart palpitations, dizziness, tinnitus etc. Decided to go back on Zoloft within 2 weeks of stopping.

January 2011 - Knowing a little more about tapering, I decided to stop taking taking Zoloft with my doctors help again. She told me to hurry and taper in 4 weeks because the tinnitus could become permanent. I thought this was too fast so I took another month to taper.

March 30, 2011 - Last Zoloft pill.

Had a little dizziness & sadness, but felt fine until Aug 2011 after a relative died.

Since then symptoms include brain shivers, migraine headaches on right side of head, warm/hot sensations on right side of head and ears, internal vibrations, tremor, muscle twitches, strange sensations in right side of head, anxiety, nervousness, sadness, disconnected, depersonalization, numbness on left side of body at times, neck pain, muscle/rib cage pains,  just don't feel like myself :(

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Alex, I hope today may be a little better for you.  I understand how you feel.  Sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better is having something to look forward to.  Maybe a planned lunch with a friend or just planning a trip to Dunkin Donuts for this afternoon.  Any small thing to get your mind working on anything else may help. 

 

Good luck!

My intro link: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4644-whoami-i-hope-to-find-out/?p=57607

I've taken antidepressants since 1997. From 1997-1999~I tried wellbutrin, paxil, prozac, and maybe some others I can't remember. 1999-2009~Effexor XR 150mg. 2009-2010~Cymbalta 30mg. 2010-present~Cymbalta 60mg. (Dates are rough estimates.)

 

Began micro-taper Jul 13, 2013.

As of May 19, 2014 removing 94 beads from 60mg capsule, approx 31.8mg.

As of August 2014 removing 106 beads from 60mg capsule, approx 28.2mg.

As of July 2015 down to approx. 23mg. (20mg capsule + 10 beads from a 60mg capsule) + .5mg Ativan as needed for anxiety/panic/generally crappy anxious no good feelings.

 

Also taking:  Omega3; Magnesium; Vitamins D, E, & B12; Calcium; Estrace 2mg.

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Reaching out like this, when you're in deep trouble, takes much courage.  I commend you for that Alex.  When my pain is validated by those who have felt it too, it somehow gets lessened and I love that so much.  We can get free with a little help from our friends.  Hugs to you.

A 20 year history of always a combo of 4 psych drugs sometimes more.  At last I had this awakening thought "These drugs aren't doing me any good."  I listened and at that point made the decision to taper off the last drug cocktail I was on of Celexa, Lamictal, Klonopin and Seroquel which I did in one year.  (Shock and awe.) Drug free May 6/09.  Sure is a slow healing process.

 

"Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go;  it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow."  Alice Mackenzie Swaim 

 

 

Not a doctor ... blah, blah, blah.  Not giving medical advise ... blah, blah, blah

 

 

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Thank you; you all give me hope and strength to keep on walking.

I really believe you are all good and brave people, and that this ordeal will make us stronger and wiser human beings.

 

My spirit is with all of you.

4 years aprox. on 150mgs.Effexor for situational major depression.No AD before.
Tapered 150-0mgs in 3 months.

Tapered Quetiapine,Xanax in the last 18 months.NO med of any kind anymore.
First 3 months off acute w/d
Protracted w/d ever since.
Symptoms:Anxiety,anhedonia,insomnia,tinnitus,PSSD

04/13/2014 Awful Relapse.Recovered fairly fast.

3 years and 4 months off.

waves and windows.Very much recovered.

November 2015,health issue.Setback.
 

 

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