lucida 3.5 months zoloft free...(but not free of withdrawal sx!)

[lucida]

I joined this community awhile ago but have not written an introduction yet...I finished taking Zoloft on April 14, 2013 after a YEAR long taper down from 50 mg.  I have been on Zoloft or some kind of SSRI ON/OFF for 18 years!  I have intermittently been on other psychiatric medications but the only prolonged medications were Zoloft, Adderall (for 4 years, stopped 1 year ago).  Other times I have stopped taking SSRI's cold turkey, but this time, I did the slow taper. The ONLY reason I have been on SSRI's this long is because I have not endured the withdrawal, not because the medication was particularly helpful.  If anything, The medication caused more problems in my life, namely manic episodes....

 I would like to be OFF medications forever.  I am still facing quite a bit of SSRI withdrawal symptoms. I have had a whole myriad of symptoms that people on this website can likely relate to, but my biggest concern at this time is the ongoing anxiety I am facing.  Prior to starting on an SSRI I did NOT suffer from anxiety disorder.  I have been having what appears to be Dysautonomia like symptoms, and random panic attacks.  Nothing in particular has to set it off. In other words, they are not situational panic attacks (as far as I can tell.)  IN addition I have had profound night terrors, waking up screaming in the night.  My nervous system is intensely disturbed.  I am taking magnesium to help calm my nerves but mostly I am unable to tolerate any other medications, supplements, etc. I imagine the only solution at this point is time.... I need to go back to work (have been off during this discontinuation) and I am frightened of having panic attacks during interviews, etc. 

 

Sometimes this process feels hopeless.  I am not finding great benefit in being off the drugs just yet.  It is very slow and without immediate rewards.  I just need support and encouragement I suppose. I also seek others who have been on medications LONG TERM......

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

You are very welcome here. Someone more knowledgeable about your particular situation will be along to help you get settled in. In the meantime, feel free to post your questions and concerns in this thread you have started.

[lucida]

Thank you for your welcome, cymbaltawithdrawal5600! Sometimes the drug withdrawal saga feels quite isolating, nice to get

such a quick response

[Petunia]

Hi Lucida,

I'm sorry you are still having withdrawal symptoms after tapering off Zoloft.  I have been on various medications for over 13 years, tapered too fast off Lexapro and even though I'm off all medications now, I'm still having symptoms.

 

What was the last dose of Zoloft you were taking before you quit completely?

 

There is a possibility of reinstating a very small dose, stabilizing and then tapering slower.  But if you have been medication free for a while, sometimes that doesn't work.

 

As CW wrote, someone else with more experience will be along to help.

 

Petu

[Narcissus]

So sorry to hear of your ordeal lucida.  18 years is quite a while, I would try to prepare for the possibility that healing might take some time, which it sounds like you are. Yes, the sudden and acontextual (or some other real word) panic attacks are definitely withdrawal, and they should become less frequent and less intense with time.  I have been healing over the past 8 months and for me the anxiety has improved more than anything else (it was horrendous in the beginning), although I do occasionally still have episodes during flare-ups when I do something stupid that my body doesn't like.  Like you, these surges of anxiety were not something I ever experienced prior to the medication.  I hope it's a at least a small comfort to hear that you're not alone and that your suffering is part of a larger and shared experience.  Please keep us updated on your progress and welcome to the forum!

[lucida]

Petu, I was on between 1-2 mg of zoloft (hard to be very exact when shaving down a pill), but it was a very small amount.  I went down very gradually over the year.  Congrats to being med free although  I am sorry to hear you are still having symptoms as well.  I am quite sure that things will regulate eventually, and I remind myself of the neuroplastic capabilities of our brains.  There is very little out there besides anecdotal references in terms of long term medication use, so therefore timelines are hard to establish.  Have you found anything in particular helpful for your symptoms?  Good luck to you and thank you for your support.

[Petunia]

  Have you found anything in particular helpful for your symptoms?  Good luck to you and thank you for your support.

 

Thank you Lucida.

 

I wish I could tell you that I've found something which stops symptoms or even reduces them, but I've found nothing which doesn't come with its own, often worse side effects.

 

I take magnesium, omega 3 fish oil, vitamin c and I just started using coconut oil, but whether or not they help, I'm not certain, I'm going to keep taking them because a lot of people believe they help, and for me, they don't seem to make anything worse.

 

Learning how to accept the discomfort, rather than struggle with feelings of frustration and fear, has helped in as much as not increasing my levels of stress, so waves now tend to not last as long.

 

Many people find a benefit from regular, gentle to moderate exercise.

 

Here is a link from another part of this site with ideas for non-drug methods to cope with symptoms:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

If you don't mind me asking, why did you get put on medication initially?

[lucida]

Narcissus,

Thanks for your support.  Good to hear that your anxiety has improved over time.  Anxiety is a strange experience when it is seemingly random, without context.  I think you are correct, healing may take some time, and I am preparing for that possibility.  Although, for me the unknowns can be rather frightening.  This is what I am trying to deal with mostly.  But, like you, I am trying to decipher as well, what my body may not like at the moment.  And when I can figure out something that sets me off, obviously avoiding that in the future. 

Part of me is just stubborn and determined to survive this, whatever it takes.  Sometimes I feel hopeless, but I try to avoid residing there too long.... Thanks again for your words, support.  Best to you!

[lucida]

If you don't mind me asking, why did you get put on medication initially?

 

 

 

Petu, I was initially given an SSRI secondary to depression (a.k.a. teenage angst)....

[suke]

Hi Lucida,

 

I was on Zoloft for about 28 years.  For the last few years I was at the maximum dose of 200 mgs.The GP changed me to Lexapro about a year ago and then put Abilify on top of it.  I strarted to have a bad reaction in September of last year, was put back on Zoloft and then I decided to go off all of it.  I quit Ability cold turkey (not smart) and I was told to decrease my dosage of Zoloft 50 mg a week over a month.  Now I have learned that was way too fast.

 

I have been AD free for six months.  I walk for 30+ minutes every day.  I gave up coffee, tea, cola and sugar.  I take magnesium, omega 3 and multi vitamins.  Depression began rearing it's ugly head about four weeks ago.  I researched and decided to try St. John's Wort.  I have been on it for a week and I feel better already.  The day I quit Ability my mouth dried up and I have been suffering from that ever since.

 

Time is our greatest friend and hopefully we will all be healed.  I have come a long way in these six months. I have learned that doctors give out ADs like they are candy and don't have a clue about what they are doing to us.  In the 28 years on ADs I was never asked once about how I was feeling or was it ever suggesed that I should get off of them.  I began taking them because of bad situations in my life and I now believe some sort of therapy would have been the ticket for me instead of pills.  I also fault myself for taking such drugs without once questioning what I was putting in my body.  That won't happen again.  The saddest thing that I have learned is that there is no help for us in the medical field.  Psychiatrists are basically pill pushers and have no patience or time for us who have gone or are going through the experience of AD withdrawal.  Therapists are no better.  They seem to only want to throw pills at us.  There is also a trend for others in the medical profession (nurse practioners, etc.) to dispense medication.  So more and more of them will be trying to give us ADs to cure everything from PMS to depression.

 

When I started this journey I researched Las Vegas for any sign of a doctor, therapist, support group that I could find to help me in this withdrawal.  I couldn't find any.  I have also found that most psychiatrists and therapists now don't take (or don't bill) insurance.  We are on our own folks.  Thank heaven for forums like this where there are supportive individuals willing to share and care. These are wonderful people.

[Altostrata]

suke, you seem to have a lot of insight. Please start an Intro topic for yourself when you can.

[lucida]

Suke,  Thank you for your message!  It is reassuring to find others who are making progress despite a very LONG term relationship with SSRI's.

 

  I must say there has been progress within the last few months for me as well.  The anxiety IS getting better.  I have now went 5 nights with no night terrors.  In fact this may have been a transient issue, thankfully. 

 

I have found particular pranayama exercises (or breathing exercises) to be effective for halting a panic attack when it first begins (however this is along with the cognitive retraining, and the very recognition that this is merely anxiety, and in the process of being aware of that I can stop the cyclical nature of thinking I am dying, etc.  The feedback loop that starts when I get caught up in the panic and think I am having seizures, stroke, whatever it is, can make a panic attack become full blown.  Now that I am catching this ahead of time, I am finding greater relief.  My hope is that with time, this retraining will prevent the epsidoes of anxiety to dissipate entirely.  (or rather only come up for situations where anxiety is appropriate). 

 

Have you had anxiety symptoms with your withdrawal?

 

  Thank you for sharing what has worked for you thus far.  I am so glad to hear that the St. John's Wort is helping with the return of depression.  I, like you, have been taking fish oil supplements (roughly 2000 mg EPA/DHA daily), magnesium, (Magnesium Threonate 144 mg) and a multivitamin.  In addition I am taking Vitamin C in fairly high doses to help with gastroparesis.  I still am taking about a 1/2 cup of coffee in the morning (but in the process of weaning), because I am sure I do not need extra nervous system stimulation at the moment.   I gave up sugar, artifical sweeteners, and white flour 3-4 months ago.  I do believe this is helping to promote better blood glucose stability.  (I have linked occasional anxiety episodes with blood sugar imbalances).

 

I am finding that, even though I am still having some strange symptoms related to withdrawal/Dysautonomia, etc. that when I look back to the last 3.5 months, I have made progress, so I am now working on simply focusing on that alone.  Sometimes when I get caught up with new symptoms or what is still lingering I get more fearful of the process, but when I think about how I am doing better than I was even 2-3 weeks ago, I feel comforted. 

 

At any rate, your message brought me a lot of comfort and I really appreciate that.  I agree with you that the common trend in the medical world is to throw pills at patients.  In fact, SSRI's are indeed given for everything from mild PMS symptoms to depression, AND everything in between.  I have encountered so many doctors that have NEVER heard of SSRI withdrawal and really have no clue how to help anyone wean off of psychotropic medications.  I work in the medical field and witness this relentlessly.  Thankfully this website exists, and there are people out in the world communicating and supporting one another. 

 

Maybe we should start a support group in Las Vegas....I was equally suprised to find no such groups existed in this area. (or if they have I have not come across it yet,...) 

 

I wish you the best on your healing journey, keep in touch about your progress, and thank you again.

[Altostrata]

That's good news, lucida. Thank you. Please keep us posted about your progress.

[lucida]

I am feeling overwhelmed this evening.  I recently started a new job. I am a nurse and need to be absolutely focused to be effective.  I thought my symptoms were improving, as it has now been 5 months of being Zoloft free (after a rather slow taper). I also took off work during these last several months to heal, but had no choice but to return to a job.

 I had been having panic attacks, early in the withdrawal that seemed to morph into a more generalized anxiety (which is easier for me to deal with then sudden onset panic attacks.)  This evening, I had the night off work, and was looking forward to relaxing, reading, etc.  Seriously, out of nowhere, I had a full blown panic attack and blacked out, heart rate went up to 140's (baseline is around 58 since stopping SSRI's), and I was just sitting there.  I started having full body shakes, and my hands began to go numb prior to blacking out.  I cannot describe the level of fear I felt with this sudden onset of symptoms.  I am terrified that this could happen while working.  I have been having really intense episodes of depersonalization while at work. (not the whole shift, but transient episodes. )  I am unsure how to describe these, but I feel a bit out of body, buzzing sensation in my brain, feel foggy, and unable to focus.  I do not know what to do, I will get fired if I start having panic attacks in my work environment.

 

I have debated going back on medications, etc. As fearful of death I am during panic attacks, I also feel quite unmotivated towards life because this is no way to live.  If this is what I will be enduring indefinitely.  I have absolutely no option but to work. I am buried in debt, and it also doesn't serve me to be all agoraphobic cooped up in my house, so at least working forces me out into the world of the living.  I am scared.  Actually I am terrified.  PLEASE, does anyone have any ideas?  I meditate, practice yoga, take A LOT of magnesium, moderate Omega 3's, etc.  The world does not accept nurses with mental conditions.  I feel defeated and hopeless.  Need encouragement. 

I am sorry if this post is  staggering and hard to follow, but my mind is chaotic at the moment and this is the best I can do.....

[dalsaan]

Hi Lucida

 

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you have been having a tough time. How much magnesium do you take? I'm wondering if this could be activating for you?

 

I know it's hard but try not to focus on the future and what might happen (getting fired). It's probably better that you examine what's happening for you now, whether you have changed anything or added substances that might be activating including caffeine etc. and try to be gentle on yourself

 

Others might chip in with suggestions or questions.

 

Dalsaan

[Petunia]

Hi Lucida,

I merged this post with your original thread so its easier to keep track of your progress.

 

I'm sorry you are having increased symptoms at the moment.  Starting a new job, especially one as demanding as nursing, can be very stressful.  Getting adjusted to changing shifts would also add stress,  perhaps this has caused a temporary setback. 

 

Are you still using your breathing exercises to stop panic?

 

If you are still drinking coffee, perhaps it would help to stop that until you have stabilized again.

 

If there are no other recent changes, as Dalsaan asked, I would think this is just a temporary wave.  You were making good progress. Its not unusual to still be having some withdrawal symptoms after only 5 months off medication, especially after being on it for 18 years.

 

Try and relax and get as much rest as possible and keep using the techniques you have learned to minimize anxiety.

 

Petu.

 

 

[omgwtf]

I know exactly how you feel about the panic attacks, I also had absolutely no anxiety symptoms before my zoloft & effexor, and had major anxiety trying to get off it.  I also worked like that and I don't know how I got through it all or how many people I managed to fool.  I went back on the drug.  I've been taking them about 15 yrs by now and hope to start tapering, maybe after this winter is through.  I understand you did it slowly, but I wonder if you tapered slow enough or if it would help if it were slower?  Have you seen other people suffer this in your work?  Just to say, I totally understand and am dumbfounded of how I have to find support on this forum instead of through services here.  Is it because there aren't many of us that get this withdrawal symptoms, or is it that everyone is silent about it...?

[Zoe]

Hang in there Lucida. I ( and I know many others) know how it is to have that anxiety come from out of the blue. I find it one of the weirdest & disconcerting symptoms  there is.  Will say some prayers for you.

[Meimeiquest]

I'm so sorry...that sounded very intense! I am also a nurse...I took my first round of Prozac because I couldn't focus at work. Right now I am doing private duty nursing and it's the only way I could work through withdrawal. I take care of one person at home, so boredom is the biggest drawback. Really wishing you well!

[Altostrata]

I agree, increased life stress can exacerbate withdrawal syndrome. Hang in there, keep as calm as possible, take care of yourself.

[lucida]

Dalsaan-  Thank you for your reply.  I take 144 mg Magnesium Threonate and 200 mg of Magnesium Oxide.  I don't think the Magnesium is activating for me. However, as Petu (Thank you as well Petu) and you both mentioned, the caffeine.  I had not completely given up coffee and am now weening that. Additionally, I am now working night shift 7 p.m.-7 a.m.  I think switching my rhythm around is throwing me off. There isn't a whole lot I can do about this, because I need to keep working, but hopefully my body can adjust.  I will give it some time.....

Luckily I have not had another attack since the other night, just waves of anxiety (which is entirely different than a full blown panic attack, a more manageable situation for me.)

[lucida]

Thank you OMGWTF, appreciate your thoughts.  Yes, I have seen people in my work suffering from various extremes of medication withdrawal. (I am assuming you meant the patients).  However, there are an extraordinary number of physicians who are unaware of this problem, or accept that withdrawal from SSRI's even exist.   I was on opioids for several years as well, and stopping them was very difficult, but not this level of difficult.  The SSRI's, have brought many new extremes into my life, such as the anxiety, that historically was not an issue for me. 

[lucida]

Hi Meimeiquest, thank you for your thoughts... YES, it is hard at times to be in the hospital setting enduring some of these symptoms, because it is very chaotic. I can understand why private duty nursing may be a better branch of nursing to be in at the moment.  Maybe I will have to switch to something different, but I will persist a bit more here and see if I can get through this..... It is both lucky and difficult that I work nights.  I think my body is freaking out switching back to being awake at nights.  (flipping my circadian rhythms) however, the advantage to nights, it is slightly less chaotic & therefore easier for me to focus.  I hope I can make this happen.... I had a 99 y.o. patient recently tell me her middle name was "try" and as long as she tried to do well, that is what mattered.  What a beautiful message....

[Vasherr]

Hi, @lucida, I have seen that You have been active on the site lately and wanted to ask how are You doing.

 

Wishing You a lifelong window!

V.