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Interpersonal insecurity / paranoia


Barbarannamated
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I'm experiencing significant interpersonal insecurity bordering on paranoia. I never had social anxiety before and I'm ok when I'm with people in person. However, I'm unable to get out easily and am still very isolated. I live with husband and we talk for a few minutes during the day but, other than that, all communication is via Facebook messenger and occasional texts. I feel like I have so little to offer any conversation and that translates to feeling that people don't want to chat. I'm very sensitive to the fact that most people are very busy and don't have time on their hands like I do. Then, I read into whatever is written as a blow-off or dismissal.

 

This feeling is usually much worse early in day and lessens later in day and evening. Could this be a manifestation of cortisol dysregulation? Ive been diagnosed with adrenal insufficiency by 2 doctors (blood tests, not urINe or saliva), but each of the cortisol treatments made me feel worse (hydrocortisone and ADR Adrenal Support). Sorry to keep referring to adrenal issues. I'm so confused on that. Is it possible that cortisol was low because it had spiked at 4am and is depleted or in trough at time of 8am blood draw?

 

I dont know if this is due to withdrawal, social isolation, or both. I understand that some of you spend considerable time alone and seem to handle it better than I do. When I talk on phone, I feel ok, but very few people use phones to talk these days. I haven't spoken voice to voice with anyone in several weeks aside from one brief chat with friend.

 

What's happening to me? It's very scary. The "paranoia" is not that anyone wants to harm me, but an exaggeration or extension of the feeling that people are avoiding me.

 

My gosh...I never felt this way even when I was 13. :( Always had a decent sense of self even when alone.

 

Thanks for any input.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hi Barb,

 

PM me, I'll give you my phone number, you can call me and I'll chat with you. I'd love it!

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Barb,

 

I felt the same way when on psyche drugs and tapering. When feeling this way I felt so weird, people not liking me, overly worrying about everything and blowing it up supersize. It was my brain/body so off kilter from the drugs and trying to readjust that I felt this anxious and paranoid. Goodness knows the Cortisol rushes make me fell unhinged.

 

It took me a while before I mellowed (my brain readjusted) to being OK without chatting with a human for days. I very much appreciate my interaction with friends and acquiantances but can go stretches without talking to someone besides the cat.  I can tell from your posting how nice and caring you are and not feeling how you want to be.

Unable at this time to correspond by private message.

 

Link to my Introduction thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2477-aria-my-psych-journey/

Reading my psychiatric records: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5466-drugged-crazy-reading-my-psychiatric-records/

My Success Story is listed under "Aria's Recovery".

 

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Thank you for your kind replies, CW and Aria.

 

CW, as soon as I read your message, I was reminded of one of the reasons ive (subconsconsciously) gotten away from phone talk. My house is VERY small (2 rooms) and my husband is within earshot 24/7. Not that I have anything to hide, I just find it uncomfortable to talk freely when anyone is listening. Before I got hit with withdrawal, I waited until I was out of house to make phone calls. I've been mostly homebound for 2 years.

 

Sorry for that lengthy explanation, but you did help me realize my part in not talking on phone in recent years. Thank you for that.

 

That being said, I would enjoy talking with you and will contact you privately.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 3 years later...

Anyone else suffering severe anxiety depression panic and paranoia or is it just my own situation that's causing it ???

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/13371-mattuk-hi-all-newbie-here/#entry257333

 

20yrs on and off many ADs last stretch was 8-10yrs on fluoxetine 40mg daily

Cold turkey since December 2015 after a traumatic event in my wife's life

Depersonalisation episodes

Depression

Panic attacks

Anxiety

Diazepam Propranolol 40mg x3 daily for 2 months tried tapering made me ill so cold turkey

Now loosing everyone that ever mattered to me

 

I don't know who or what I am no more ....... or even if I want to be

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  • 6 months later...

Hi all,

So I was in a situation last week where I had to demonstrate a skill as part of a job interview. This was at the end of a very tough interview and I didn't feel like I had done so well up to that point and I think I thought to myself that my interviewer thought the same way based upon some questions that, looking back, were very basic for my field, but at the time I couldn't think of the answer. Anyway while I was demonstrating this skill I had a paranoid thought. I was however able to "talk back" to the though which I did not do back when I "broke down" and started taking meds about 10 years ago. I'm happy that I coped with the paranoid thought this time but I'm wondering do "normal" people ever have those thoughts? It scared the hell out of me because like I said I haven't had any thoughts like that ever since I started meds and ironically bit was a very similar situation in which those thoughts came up the first time. Thanks for reading and for your support!

Jaco

June-Current Started Pristiq 50mg 

March-June Discontinued Wellbutrin. 

February 15-March 1 2017: Taper Wellbutrin. 

December 24, 2016- Feb. 15 2017: Switched to Wellbutrin 150mg 2x/day after Genesight testing; 

August 4-December 23, 2016: Reinstate celexa

March 18-August 3, 2016: Switched to Prozac 

Feb-March 2016   Reinstate celexa

Jan-Feb 2016  Tapered 5mg/every week to 0mg

August 2015-Jan. 2016: Celexa 30mg

2008-2016: Celexa 30-40mg/day for anxiety

2006-2007: Strattera ?80mg/day + xanax

 

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I should add that the paranoid thought was that the one evaluating my skill was communicating to his coworker in the room that I wasn't doing well on the interview - but kinda like in code so I wouldn't know it. Am I crazy or what!!!?

June-Current Started Pristiq 50mg 

March-June Discontinued Wellbutrin. 

February 15-March 1 2017: Taper Wellbutrin. 

December 24, 2016- Feb. 15 2017: Switched to Wellbutrin 150mg 2x/day after Genesight testing; 

August 4-December 23, 2016: Reinstate celexa

March 18-August 3, 2016: Switched to Prozac 

Feb-March 2016   Reinstate celexa

Jan-Feb 2016  Tapered 5mg/every week to 0mg

August 2015-Jan. 2016: Celexa 30mg

2008-2016: Celexa 30-40mg/day for anxiety

2006-2007: Strattera ?80mg/day + xanax

 

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  • 5 years later...

I’m wondering if paranoia is a symptom of later stage withdrawal? I’ve noticed in the last few months I’m filtering everything through the lens of ‘everything’s my fault and everyone thinks I’m a useless idiot’ and have become very defensive as a result. I’ve always been a bit on the insecure side but this is off the scale and doesn’t feel like it’s really ‘me’ if that makes any sense? Has anyone else experienced this weird paranoia?

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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@Kat66

Hi Kat66,

For me it’s not paranoia, with anxiety and cog fog, I recognize that I’m not at the top of my game. Often, some of the simplest tasks can be a challenge. What steps, in what order. Not being able to find the right words, etc. I work on acceptance and appreciation when my husband, steps in to assist or points something out that I am struggling with. I think he is trying to make things easier for me but sometimes I wish he would give me time to figure it out. I try not to get defensive because I know this is hard on him too. I don’t know if this resonates with you and acceptance can sometimes feel like defeat to me. But for me defensiveness causes more upset all around.

 

Hang in there!

 

Hugs,

Believer

1998-2015 Zoloft. 100mg

6/21/19 5.05 mg; 9/6/19 4.8 mg; 4/24/20 4.57 mg; 8/27/21 4.43 mg

9/20-9/25/21 xover to new RX from expired meds

10/22/21 4.13 mg; 11/26/21 3.93 mg; 4/15/22 3.74 mg; 6/3/22 3.54 mg

Supplements: Natural Calm magnesium, Vitamin C

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22 minutes ago, Believer said:

@Kat66

Hi Kat66,

For me it’s not paranoia, with anxiety and cog fog, I recognize that I’m not at the top of my game. Often, some of the simplest tasks can be a challenge. What steps, in what order. Not being able to find the right words, etc. I work on acceptance and appreciation when my husband, steps in to assist or points something out that I am struggling with. I think he is trying to make things easier for me but sometimes I wish he would give me time to figure it out. I try not to get defensive because I know this is hard on him too. I don’t know if this resonates with you and acceptance can sometimes feel like defeat to me. But for me defensiveness causes more upset all around.

 

Hang in there!

 

Hugs,

Believer

All of what you’ve said resonates with me. I really don’t want to be defensive but it’s like it’s out of my control. A conversation will start and within seconds I’ve filtered the response through the ‘I’ve messed up’ lens and up go the hackles. It’s usually my husband that this happens with too, and I know he’s only trying to help! I really am useless with the simplest tasks too! I guess I need to find a way to somehow accept this is part of WD and float over it. Darned hard though. 
hugs to you too xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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@Kat66

 

On 6/20/2022 at 4:03 PM, Kat66 said:

I’m wondering if paranoia is a symptom of later stage withdrawal? I’ve noticed in the last few months I’m filtering everything through the lens of ‘everything’s my fault and everyone thinks I’m a useless idiot’ and have become very defensive as a result. I’ve always been a bit on the insecure side but this is off the scale and doesn’t feel like it’s really ‘me’ if that makes any sense? Has anyone else experienced this weird paranoia?

 

On 6/20/2022 at 5:16 PM, Kat66 said:

I really don’t want to be defensive but it’s like it’s out of my control. A conversation will start and within seconds I’ve filtered the response through the ‘I’ve messed up’ lens and up go the hackles.

 

I can relate, I get some version of this sometimes, too. In my case I chalk it up to neuro-emotions

Btw, have you seen this topic? Neuro-emotions and relationships

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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2 hours ago, Ariel said:

@Kat66

 

 

 

I can relate, I get some version of this sometimes, too. In my case I chalk it up to neuro-emotions

Btw, have you seen this topic? Neuro-emotions and relationships

 

No I haven’t seen that, I’ll take a look now, and thanks for the link. Xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD.

1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac. 2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019.

01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June.

25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp.
11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg.  

16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg.

2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 
28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg

Multiple unsuccessful previous attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; kliovance (HRT) Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, calcium, B12, vitD and vegan omega3. I use valerian and lemon balm tea for anxiety relief

Completely OFF booze (since 6/11/21) and caffeine (since July 21) now. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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