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UnfoldingSky

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The Journey

 

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

 

by Mary Oliver

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I Love This Poem.

I've taken SSRIs & SNRIs for approx 20 years.

Have taken CLONAZEPAM for about 15 years.

Since the end of January 2014 I began weaning off of TRAZODONE.

I no longer take TRAZODONE.

In the fall of 2013 I began slowly, slowly tapering from 350 mg of effexor (about 50 mg over the period of 3 months). At this point I began feeling suicidal, highly anxious & unable to cope / function & went BACK on the full 350 mg dose.

In the beg. of April 2014 I took my last dose of 350mg EFFEXOR before going cold turkey.

I crashed about a month later (highly suicidal & excruciating anxiety) & slowly re-instated so I am back up to 150 mg since the beg. of May 2014.

I now take 2x.5mg or Clonazepam ev. day.

I take an Herbal Sleep Tincture, a Digestive Herbal Tincture, Magnesium Citrate, Omega Oils, Acidopholis, Vitamin B complex, Vitamin C, Colloidal Silver, Diatomaceous Earth, Zinc, Rhodiola, Ferritin...this fluxes slightly from month to month.

 
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Glad you liked it awake, I really like her work too. 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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  • 6 months later...

Wow - I was about to post this poem here in the forum - but wanted first to check if someone else had posted it :)

 

I love Mary Oliver's poems. The Journey was one of the first poems by her that I read. At that time, two years ago, I found it very beautiful, the words somehow spoke to me but still didn't reach me. Didn't think much about it until now. I suddenly recalled it yesterday when I was writing my introduction to this forum. Now I've just begun my journey. And there are several voices shouting at me "don't do it, stop" The voices come from other people, sometimes even from myself but deep down I know, this is the way to go.

 

Love,

Mjau

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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  • 3 months later...

there is a good book called Ten Poems to Change Your Life and one of them is “The Journey”. The book is by Roger Housden (I found it years ago in a used book store). It has helped me through many an early a.m. awakening when I felt distraught and lost and reading his ideas about the poems was really calming and reassuring.

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Wow - I was about to post this poem here in the forum - but wanted first to check if someone else had posted it :)

 

I love Mary Oliver's poems. The Journey was one of the first poems by her that I read. At that time, two years ago, I found it very beautiful, the words somehow spoke to me but still didn't reach me. Didn't think much about it until now. I suddenly recalled it yesterday when I was writing my introduction to this forum. Now I've just begun my journey. And there are several voices shouting at me "don't do it, stop" The voices come from other people, sometimes even from myself but deep down I know, this is the way to go.

 

Love,

Mjau

 

Sorry I missed your post Mjau.  It's funny you wanted to post the poem too, I hadn't actually even heard it before withdrawal and just haphazardly stumbled on it one day and thought it fit.  I hope your journey is working out for you! 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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there is a good book called Ten Poems to Change Your Life and one of them is “The Journey”. The book is by Roger Housden (I found it years ago in a used book store). It has helped me through many an early a.m. awakening when I felt distraught and lost and reading his ideas about the poems was really calming and reassuring.

 

Thanks fefesmom I will have to look it up, sounds like a good one!  :)

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Ah, Mary Oliver.  Pings the heart strings.  I love her words 'Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' from her poem Wild Geese.

 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Ah, Mary Oliver.  Pings the heart strings.  I love her words 'Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' from her poem Wild Geese.

 

Oh my gosh yes, I love that line too! 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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great poems - thank you both -

 

yes, we are animals first and foremost -

 

One reason I am a dog lover is that they know what they love, and pursue their loves without question until their dying breath -

 

They have no need to reflect on why they love the things they love, or rationalize it, or repress it - nature calls them to follow their loves.

 

And how sweet it is, when their primary love is for their leader - to be on the receiving end of a dog's devotion is one of life's greatest privileges -

 

Animals are pure -

 

We should be more like them. 

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

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  • 1 month later...

Another writer who is authentic, unpretentious and freeing is Ann Lamott. Try " Bird by Bird" and "Small Victories".

On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds.

When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg  powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting

down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped.  May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone.

January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe.

Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level.
Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety.
Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3,  875mg  Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D.
 

 

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