Jump to content

joe90: hello everyone (post withdrawal syndrome)


joe90

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

 

My username is joe90.

 

In 2008, in the context of a lot of stress at work and in my private life, I experienced acute anxiety and a severe panic attack. I was 39 years old, and had no history of "psychiatric illness".

 

My GP, who, looking back, was clearly out of his depth, put me on a benzo (xanax) and an AD (lexapro).

 

Some two months later, I was so sick I can't describe it, and there were fears I had serotonin syndrome, so I stopped the lexapro cold turkey. I got sicker still. Much sicker.

 

There was a lot of detailed to-ing and fro-ing after that, but to cut a long story short, I did a crossover to valium and withdrew the benzo. I had the much-feared of horror withdrawal. It took two years, and it was profound suffering.

 

I'm now off all psych drugs for four years, but my life lies in ruins. I have a severe post withdrawal syndrome. The symptoms I experience are:

 

Sleep disturbances; nightmares; nausea and vomiting; dizziness; loss of balance; sense of severe internal vibration; severe formication; severe burning sensations; severe muscle and joint stiffness, rigidity and pain; severe nerve pain; muscle twitching; myoclonic jerks; severely compromised cognition and ‘clouded thinking’; speech problems; feeling ‘concussed’; severe headaches; poor physical coordination; exhaustion; severe hyperacusis, tactile sensitivity and photosensitivity; distorted vision (vision appears ‘cloudy’ and ‘wavey’); severe tinnitus (‘white noise’ in left ear, popping sounds in right); extremely sore eyes; severe social anxiety; occasional terror; occasional paranoia; intrusive memories; intrusive thoughts; general malaise.

 

I'm here just to have people to talk to. I need friends.

 

Love to all,

 

j.

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Joe, and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm so sorry you have been suffering for such a long time, it sounds like you had a bad reaction to the medication, some people don't tolerate SSRIs well at all, you may be one of those people.  How long in total were you taking Lexapro?

 

How did you stop taking the Valium?

 

I also have post withdrawal, or protracted withdrawal and am very familiar with a lot of those symptoms you listed, my life has also changed dramatically and I feel very isolated at times, you will find a lot of friendly support here.

 

What kinds of things to you do to help you manage your symptoms?  We have a section filled with helpful ideas about drug-free ways to manage symptoms, you may find some new ideas here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

 

Especially see the pinned topics at the top.

 

Also, it would be helpful if you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature, it helps members to easily see your situation when replying to posts, instructions for how to do that are here:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

I'm sure others will be along soon, make yourself at home and look around the site, there is a lot of good information here.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Joe, I am so very sorry and my heart goes out to you.

 

I'm just wondering, what is your diet like? Do you take any supplements?

 

Someone more experience than me will be along but I just wanted to send you healing thoughts.

The only way out is through.

 

Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia

Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn

Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg

End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg

End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg

End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn

April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014

29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever

29 June 2014 - med free

Link to comment

My post crossed with Petu's. Someone more experienced DID come along to help!

The only way out is through.

 

Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia

Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn

Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg

End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg

End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg

End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn

April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014

29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever

29 June 2014 - med free

Link to comment

Hi all,

 

I was only on lexapro for about two months. Its hard to tell what of my protracted withdrawal is caused by that, or by the benzo withdrawal thereafter. A combination of the two, no doubt. Its somewhat immaterial - I am where I am. :(

 

My diet is good: I eat mainly whole foods, lots of rice, veg, fruit, oily fish etc.

 

I currently take no supplements, and have been of the mind that to do so adds unnecessary risk, but i am slowly losing faith with that perspective, and am willing to cautiously try things now and see what difference they might make.

 

Recently, I can feel my emotional health becoming worse and worse. I am so tired, and there seems to be so little change in my symptoms that I have become despairing. Just wish I could see some change.

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Joe.

 

This forum has been very valuable to me. Just reading through the stories and finding solace in the shared journey has helped me, not to mention the wealth of knowledge and support shared by the other members! I'm so glad you found it. Definitely read the link Petu provided.

 

What is your physical activity like? I ask because I know how helpful it can be for many people, including myself.

1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg to treat an eating disorder. Several unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.Fall 2012: Failed attempt to discontinue then -> 40mg Prozac and added 150mg Wellbutrin. Late summer 2013:Began slower Prozac taper.Spring 2014:Got to 10mg Prozac, 75mg of Wellbutrin -April 2014: 9mg Prozac & 37.5mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 9mg Prozac & 25 mg Wellbutrin 2x/day->9mg Prozac 1x/day & ~8mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 8.1mg Prozac, 0 WellbutrinSept '14: 8.1mg Prozac -> crashed hardOct '14: 10mg ProzacNov '14: 20mg -> 30mgDec '14: 30mg, Feb 10: 27mg. Mar 7: 25mg Mar 21, 2015: 20mg. May 21, 2016: 20mg and holding strong. Taper restarted April 2021 to 18mg, July 2021 to 16mg, currently 15mg. 

 

My experience: http://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

Link to comment

Hi Addax, everyone,

 

Thank you for the warm welcome.

 

My physical activity has actually declined. During acute withdrawal, I was housebound for over a year. i slowly ventured out again, and got back to walking - zombie-like - for up to maybe 70 minutes. I was drawing on my residual conditioning as I had been a marathon runner prior to this mess. But as that fitness began to recede, and as my emotional well being started to slip in the face of these awful symptoms, my ability to walk has got worse. Sometimes, my sense of anxiety and overwhelm is so severe I find leaving the house difficult.

 

I now have to force myself to walk. Today I managed 40 minutes. I have also started a one on one yoga class, and had my first one last week. We went extremely gently, yet 48 hours later I was very, very ill as a result. My nervous system is, it appears, still extremely vulnerable to any stress at all. Even yoga. :/

 

I'm trying my best to get out every day. I really fear for my state of mind if I do not.

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment

HI Joe!

 

I feel so sorry for you that you have been suffering so bad for so many  years :(

 

I hope you will feel better soon

 

sending you a big hug!

2007 - 2013: was on citalopram (tried to quit a few times, never worked, always went back on. max dose 40mg)

2012-2013: was tapering my citalopram all down to 2,5 mg then quit.
2013/aug: Took  my last pill 

W/D hit me bad after a few weeks off my medicine.

2014/August: 12 months off (much improved)

2015/April: 20months off. ( much improved, still some symtoms comes in waves, but not so intense.)

2015/june: 22months off. FELT different than before, all shakings suddenly stopped, feel much better. a fantastic feeling!

2016/Feb : 2 years and 6 months off, END of my suffering. I feel perfectly fine and back to normal. 
2018/Oct: Iam still feeling great. It is hard to believe my own story when I read back, what I went through!

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello from me too!

 

I'm glad you are here with us. I like your attitude and the way you are managing things. Really sorry that this has been going on for 4 years now :(

 

I believe you will find a lot of ideas on how to manage your symptoms in our Symptoms and self-care section as well as people struggling with the similar issues (and overcoming them).

 

Off the top of my head - Wulfgar and MoodyBlues are having problems with tinnitus and found something that relieves it (btw, they are also amazing guys with a great sense of humour so you might want to check their threads).

 

Welcome once again!

 

bubble

Current: Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Welcome, joe.

 

Please do look in our Symptoms and Self-care forum.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Joe, just another hello and welcome.

 

Have you read Gia's blog Beyond Meds? You might find some consolation and help there. She has had an extremely challenging course and seems to be finally coming out of the woods.

 

Being sensitive to activity (and stimulation of all kinds) is not unusual with postacute withdrawal syndrome. It does appear that gentle walking, preferably in a soothing natural environment (a park or trail, for example, rather than a street with traffic), can support the nervous system.  

 

You might want to consider just doing a 30 or 40 minute walk every day or every other day, whatever you can, walking very slowly and meditatively, focusing on calming rather than stimulating the nervous system.  There is some suggestion in research that it's the alternating movement of arms and legs that's helpful, not the speed, and exercise can stimulate cortisol release (which you don't want), so you don't need to push at all, just relax and breathe and move gently.

 

I'm so out of shape and overweight now because of the limitations that withdrawal has put on my ability to work out--I used to be not a marathoner, but worked out every day for hours when I could, weights, aerobic, swimming...sigh...I can really relate to what you say about the deconditioning.

 

And about having to drag myself out of the house for those therapeutic walks. When I can't do it, I pedal my exercise bike at home instead, because you still have the alternating movements of the legs and it's better than nothing.

 

Another thing that is surprisingly important and supportive to the nervous system is social contact. I have found that if I'm just going to sit around, sitting in the library and making eye contact and a bit of small talk is better than sitting at home. And of course actually interacting with supportive friends is good if you can manage it. If you have social support at home, of course, this may be less critical for you.

 

Anyway, welcome. I hope you can find the support you need here to help you through your healing.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                   1

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome to the forum, joe90. I'm glad you found us.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

Link to comment

hello everyone,

 

Thank you for the warm welcome.

 

Rhi, yes, I've been an avid reader of Beyond Meds for a long time now. i would go so far as to say that it has on occasion held me together when I have been feeling despair.

 

I agree as well that gentle walking is the best activity. What baffles me though is that my tolerance is getting worse, not better. It is as though my "self", my "spirit", my whatever it is that makes me me, is shrinking under the trauma of living like this for nearly six years.

 

As an example, my experience yesterday was so extreme - outrageous pain throughout my body, but especially my head, so severe my eyes actually roll. I've had every test under the sun, and all come back negative, and all this started with psych drug withdrawal. I have become so afraid of the symptoms that I am a husk.

 

One foot in front of the other.

 

Much love,

 

j.

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm really sorry things are so rough.

 

Are you familiar with windws and waves pattern of recovery? Here is the link to this topic we have here (reading and re-reading it saved me from despair on numerous occassions): http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

Would you say that you have periods when things go horrible like an awfully painful cramp and then abate and maybe even glimpses, however shor,t of the return of positive feelings, return of you? Sometimes, like after a storm, shortly after things are at their worst, there comes a release. I hope it happens to you. It will for sure. It's just a matter of time and sometimes these things take agonisingly slow. Especially since every minute in pain is too long. But it stops eventually. One foot in front of the other is sometimes the best and only thing we can do and you are doing it. Plus investigating what can make it easier. And there are such things. As one peer run organisation calls themselves: We Shall Overcome ;)

Current: Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Joe-

I'm so glad to read that you are walking! That's great...even though if feels like a chore sometimes. The benefits of physical activity to our brains are many, with some research even suggesting it supports brain plasticity.

 

You wrote about becoming ill 48 hrs after yoga. What did you mean by ill?

 

Will you try it again? Have you tried meditation? There are free videos on YouTube.com and a number of Apps for yoga, meditation, and relaxation breathing that you could use for those days you don't want to leave the house, if your interested.

 

If you're not familiar with the concept of waves and windows, definitely read the link bubble provided. Knowing this pattern exists and that other's experience it has helped me survive many a wave!

1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg to treat an eating disorder. Several unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.Fall 2012: Failed attempt to discontinue then -> 40mg Prozac and added 150mg Wellbutrin. Late summer 2013:Began slower Prozac taper.Spring 2014:Got to 10mg Prozac, 75mg of Wellbutrin -April 2014: 9mg Prozac & 37.5mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 9mg Prozac & 25 mg Wellbutrin 2x/day->9mg Prozac 1x/day & ~8mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 8.1mg Prozac, 0 WellbutrinSept '14: 8.1mg Prozac -> crashed hardOct '14: 10mg ProzacNov '14: 20mg -> 30mgDec '14: 30mg, Feb 10: 27mg. Mar 7: 25mg Mar 21, 2015: 20mg. May 21, 2016: 20mg and holding strong. Taper restarted April 2021 to 18mg, July 2021 to 16mg, currently 15mg. 

 

My experience: http://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

One foot in front of the other, indeed. We do what we must. 

 

Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I'm glad you're here.

 

Hugs.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                   1

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I agree as well that gentle walking is the best activity. What baffles me though is that my tolerance is getting worse, not better. It is as though my "self", my "spirit", my whatever it is that makes me me, is shrinking under the trauma of living like this for nearly six years.

 

I haven't been going through this as long as you, for me its been just under 3 years, but I relate to what you have written about feeling like my'self' is disappearing.  The way I have dealt with this is by trying to adopt a spiritual perspective.  (please disregard this if it doesn't resonate) The way I'm understanding this is that what is breaking down is a false ego self, which wasn't doing me much good anyway.  But its still painful and frightening, and trying to hang onto what control it still has left.

 

I've also been confused about my own exercise tolerance.  A few years ago I was able to do 3 high intensity aerobics classes, back to back, but now, on a bad day, if I try and rake up some leaves for more than 10 mins, I can feel like I'm about to pass out.  I also went through a period where I found it almost impossible to leave the house, and when I did, because I absolutely had to, the experience was horrendous and seemed to cause even more trauma.  But now, its not so bad in general.  I still don't go out much, but its more of a choice now, I can't seem to find many good reasons to go out and do the things I used to do.

 

Walking used to fill me with absolute dread.  I kept trying to do it, but it was like I was walking around while being in a bad drug trip, it was always a relief to get home to 'safety'.  But now, walking, usually around my local park is more of a neutral experience.  I do it, because I'm told its good for me, but most of the time its like there is just an empty body walking around and 'I' am somewhere else, observing from a slight distance.  From a psychological perspective, this is often called depersonalization and its common in withdrawal.  But from a spiritual perspective, when there is no sense of a self, just a direct experiencing of the world, this is a highly desirable state and is often described as being blissful.  I think that if there was no fear present, but complete acceptance, then it would feel good.

 

I can really only advise you from my own experience on this.  Some people when going through withdrawal seem to feel better after intense exercise, but others are the opposite.  I find it best to listen to my body and do as much or as little as what feels best.  I regret all the times I pushed myself to go out walking when I was filled with dread because I feel like its added to my trauma.  But now, when I do manage to walk, I make sure that its not adding to my stress and it seems to be helping now.

 

As an example, my experience yesterday was so extreme - outrageous pain throughout my body, but especially my head, so severe my eyes actually roll. I've had every test under the sun, and all come back negative, and all this started with psych drug withdrawal.

 

How long did this pain last?  Did you do anything which helped?  (ignore this too if it doesn't resonate), but this reminded me of something I read earlier today.

 

"Localized Tension and Generalized Pain

As I said, so long as there aren't any medical conditions that you're unaware of or avoiding, energy can feel painful. It's not that the energy is hurtful. It's the issues and resistance in your body that's hurting you. The energy is pressurizing it. Energy is like water. It just wants to flow. But if it hits a dam--a blockage--it starts to build."

 

If you are interested, you can read the whole article called

Riding the Energy Rollercoaster: Surviving the Awakening Shifts at http://www.spiritualawakeningprocess.com/2011/08/riding-energy-rollercoaster-surviving.html

 

I haven't experienced a great deal of physical pain, although there has been some, most of my symptoms have been general body tension and inner vibrations, extreme emotions, temperature changes....well, a huge list actually.  But as I wrote, its helped me with acceptance to adopt a spiritual perspective of my ongoing withdrawal experience.

 

When difficult symptoms persist for a long time after coming off psyche meds, as they do for some people, I think its important to do whatever it takes to take care of ourselves, keep up our morale and keep going, one day at a time so that we can allow the process to complete.

 

(hugs)

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

I'm very sorry joe for your suffering! I can imagine how hard it is for you to hang on everyday as I do have similar experience since a yr ago started tapering. Even my issue is mainly just the severe pain over jaw, head, neck and back, it takes all my strength to go through every minute every day. From what I learned in many years, time alone is the only cure to this dread situation. I tried all possible things I found online nothing really helped. One good thing is you are already 2 yrs from the tick, so everyday you survive makes it one day closer to the light and freedom!

 

For pain management, I found it quite effective to meditate to the linked video

http://quietmindcafe.com/pain-management.html

 

The best way is to do it in a quiet and dark place, lying down with eyes closed so you can focus completely and mind into it.

I remember one saying from a post here, trying to go with the waves instead of fighting against it. Accepting all will help with one less additional emotional stress from being upset, freighted, frustrated by the situation itself.

 

I know it's hard regardless, but remember you are not alone and thousands are suffering and understanding.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

Link to comment

Thank you for all your responses. I will get round to answering them directly, but I'm so ill today and feel utterly overwhelmed and forlorn. Every moment is a struggle.

 

Buy the way, on the issue of waves and windows - I've never had a window. None. Ever. Well, perhaps an hour about a year ago. :(

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Joe, please take your time in replying, we understand.  I remember when I first joined, it took all my energy to write one post and when I got a heap of responses, I felt completely overwhelmed and incapable of replying in the way I wanted to.

 

That one little window a year ago might not seem much, but its evidence that your brain is capable of feeling better.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

Hello all,

 

I only joined this board a few days ago. The need to join felt strong as I felt I was nearing a crisis and wanted to be amongst people experiencing similar things.

 

That crisis has now hit. I am experiencing incredibly severe symptoms and I'm non-functional. I've even gone to stay with my parents as I'm not really capable of looking after myself.

 

Petu, thank you especially for your posts. I think much of my symptomology is exacerbated by blocked energy stemming from a deeply dysfunctional relationship in my life. I know this to be true but feel that acting now, whilst this ill, is very risky. My emotions are so powerful, strong and overwhelming in this state.

 

This is such a difficult experience.

 

J.

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Joe,

 

I'm glad to hear that you are staying with your parents and have some help.  I agree that this is a difficult experience, we have to do what we can to get through it and let time pass so that we can heal.  Did you look at the links Alto posted earlier in your thread?  Magnesium and fish oil really do help most people.  I find that the magnesium has a definite physical calming effect.

 

Please take care of yourself and minimize stress, in withdrawal, dysfunctional and abusive relationships add stress to our already sensitive nervous systems and make recovery slower.

 

Petu.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment

 

Being sensitive to activity (and stimulation of all kinds) is not unusual with postacute withdrawal syndrome. It does appear that gentle walking, preferably in a soothing natural environment (a park or trail, for example, rather than a street with traffic), can support the nervous system.  

 

...

 

I'm so out of shape and overweight now because of the limitations that withdrawal has put on my ability to work out--I used to be not a marathoner, but worked out every day for hours when I could, weights, aerobic, swimming...sigh...I can really relate to what you say about the deconditioning.

 

Just a hello, Joe, from another newcomer who cares about you. Even though our journeys are decidedly unique, I do understand some of what you have been through. My depression came as a result of a traumatic, emotionally abusive relationship.

 

It particularly saddens me to see it noted here that intense physical activity doesn't work for us the way it does for people without these issues. Like Rhi, I used to be very fit and active. I was a marathoner and loved the endorphins and stress-relief of working out. For me, this is a huge loss. I'm trying my best to accept and even, possibly, celebrate the new, gentler way I'm going to have to experience my physicality.

 

But enough about me.  Sending you healing thoughts [and prayers]. It's good to have friends. I hope you will have a window soon.

04/2013 diagnoses: severe insomnia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia. PTSD (my diagnosis)

Original scripts: 30 mg mirtazapine (Remeron) (1x day), 75 mg Bupropion HCL (Wellbutrin) (2x day), and 0.5 lorazepam (1x day or as needed)

05/05/14: Onset of acute Wellbutrin withdrawal symptoms after haphazard "taper" of 6-8 wks.

05/10/14: Joined this site.

05/11/14: Reinstated approx. 25 mg Wellbutrin (1x day)

05/14/14: Switched to 12.5 mg Wellbutrin (2x day)

06/28/14: Changed lorazepam dosing to .25 mg 2x a day - seems to be reducing anxiety flare-ups

07/28/14: Dosing Wellbutrin in a (home made) solution form 12.5 mg (2x day) 08/15/14: Remeron 28 25.2 22.7 20.5 18.5 16.7 15.1 13.6 mg (home made) solution

05/16/15: Have been dosing lorazepam at .5 mg in the morning, .25 mg in the afternoon, and .25 mg at bedtime. Anxiety has increased somewhat, possibly due to tolerance.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Sending hugs Joe. You're incredible.

The only way out is through.

 

Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia

Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn

Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg

End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg

End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg

End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn

April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014

29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever

29 June 2014 - med free

Link to comment

 

It particularly saddens me to see it noted here that intense physical activity doesn't work for us the way it does for people without these issues. Like Rhi, I used to be very fit and active. I was a marathoner and loved the endorphins and stress-relief of working out. For me, this is a huge loss. I'm trying my best to accept and even, possibly, celebrate the new, gentler way I'm going to have to experience my physicality.

 

Me too. I ran six days a week, doing about 45 miles a week, and was a keen - if distinctly average - club runner. I too did marathons. I was also a surfer, which is by some distance the most physically demanding activity or sport I've ever done, and I've done many! The sense of loss in relation to these was profound, but I have got past much of that now.

 

My real sense of loss now is about my wife. We're still together, but she has lost interest in me. I am feeling this fully for the first time, and it is profoundly upsetting. I feel utter devastation.

10mg Lexapro, April 2008 - June 2008, cold turkey.

1.5mg xanax, April 2008 - September 2008.

Valium crossover and taper, Sept 2008 - June 2010.

Drug free, June 2010.

Severe protracted withdrawal syndrome.

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Joe, you are brave. Focus on taking care of yourself. As you get stronger physically, she may understand you've changed because you didn't have any other choice.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Joe-

 

When I read your post it occurred to me that grieving seems to be a component of withdrawal for many of us. Grieving the loss of the ability to do what we once did, even though it may very well be (and I suspect likely) a temporary loss. If only we knew how long we'd have to go before we could return to doing those things again. Our bodies (CNS) will let us know when we can get back to these things, but right now I guess it's asking for some rest while it heals.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your sense of loss about your wife and what a difficult time this is. I agree with what Alto said: You are brave, and it may take her time to understand why you had to be.

1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg to treat an eating disorder. Several unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.Fall 2012: Failed attempt to discontinue then -> 40mg Prozac and added 150mg Wellbutrin. Late summer 2013:Began slower Prozac taper.Spring 2014:Got to 10mg Prozac, 75mg of Wellbutrin -April 2014: 9mg Prozac & 37.5mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 9mg Prozac & 25 mg Wellbutrin 2x/day->9mg Prozac 1x/day & ~8mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 8.1mg Prozac, 0 WellbutrinSept '14: 8.1mg Prozac -> crashed hardOct '14: 10mg ProzacNov '14: 20mg -> 30mgDec '14: 30mg, Feb 10: 27mg. Mar 7: 25mg Mar 21, 2015: 20mg. May 21, 2016: 20mg and holding strong. Taper restarted April 2021 to 18mg, July 2021 to 16mg, currently 15mg. 

 

My experience: http://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy