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Moonstone's Intro


Moonstone

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Okay, I just wrote a 6 page, 1,500 word intro. But I don't think anyone would read all of it and it's very personal, I don't really want it google-able. So here is the short version!

 

 

Hi there. I've been on various psych meds from the time I was a child for Asperger's Syndrome, depression and anxiety. I was on meds briefly at 6 and then again from 14 until now. I've been on the same cocktail for about 3 years now, consisting of Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Geodon, and Lamictal.

 

A few months ago I started tapering my Geodon. The sucky thing about Geodon is the pills only come in 20 mg increments and they are the type that cannot be cut. So I have to withdraw in HUGE steps. I will be eliminating my morning dose as soon as I can see my doctor in a few weeks. 

 

I've always been a person who doesn't have super difficult withdrawals, except with SSRIs. But I've mostly been switched to a similar med right away so I'm worried it'll be bad as I try to get off all/most entirely.  But this process is difficult for me emotionally. I've been on meds since I was hardly more then a child, and this same cocktail for almost 3 years. One of my medications (Lexapro) I have been on for a whopping 5 years now. It's also been moving very slow, since it's hard to get my psychiatrist to actually see me. She's one of the few who accept medicaid where I live and she's always swamped. I see her only every 3 months typically. But I need to get these poisons out of me. They are making me sick. I have not felt well, physically, in years! Doctors are ignoring my symptoms but I finally got an appointment for a sleep study so I can hopefully find out what is up with that pretty soon.

 

If anyone is interested to read the long version please PM me I guess, if this site has it.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Hello Moonstone,

I’m very happy I can welcome you to the forum. I believe that with our experience here we can help you on your journey. I particularly admire it that you started it so responsibly, doing whatever you can to inform yourself and make a good decision BEFORE experiencing problems.

 

(I wrote quite a lengthy reply earlier and then just accidentally pressed something and all the beautiful and smart things I wrote disappeared so I had to start again! Apologies because this second attempt won't be so smart :)

 

I came here only after I got into a very bad state trying to come off Lexapro and Xanax following my doctor’s advice. We are  not doctors here so we won’t tell you what to do but share with you our experiences and offer opinions and suggestions based on them and following the stories of other people in similar situations.

I’m indeed very sorry to read that you have been on all this medication since such an early age. You are absolutely right: it’s no wonder that you are feeling physically sick.

 

You will see soon that we have found out that the safest way to come off these drugs is to reduce one drug at a time with 10 % decreases from your current dose and what we call holds of 30 days in between.

 

I totally understand that in your situation with 4 drugs that sounds like a very bad news but I believe we can work something out.

 

We are all different and we have different withdrawal experiences depending on many factors such as at what age we started taking this medication, how often we changed, how many times and how fast we attempted to stop taking them, how long we were on, and so on.

 

If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you now? I see that you started with you medication at the age of 14 and have been on this last combo for 3 years but can’t figure out for how long this all has been going on (my maths sucks ;)

 

I’ve always been on “only” 2 drugs so somebody with more experience on multiple drugs will offer you a more particular opinion on what we think might work well in your situation. As I said, we are not doctors so we won’t tell you what to do. We will only share our experience and offer our opinions and suggestions as well as information on the safe way of coming ohasff so that you can make your own informed decision or ideally discuss it with your doctor. Unfortunately, we have found out that more doctors don’t understand what happens to our brains when these drugs are removed from the system and don’t really trust our experiences.

 

The forum has collected a great amount of information that help us on our journeys. If you have time I think it would be very useful for you to read through some of the information on how to safely come off this medication. There are individual sections with tips on all these individual drugs you are taking. This is what I would suggest as a good start:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1070-taper-more-than-one-drug-at-a-time/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2207-taking-multiple-psych-drugs-taper-the-antidepressant-first/

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/603-what-is-antidepressant-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

Hm, I couldn’t find Geodon on our tapering section so had to google it so found out it’s an antipsychotic…

 

That’s as much as I could do initially J

 

 

 

Once again a warm welcome and others will be around soon.

 

bubble 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Hi Moonstone, it is tragic that you were given drugs at the age of 6 and 14, that makes me very sad

and angry for you.  The good news is that you can get off them all safely by tapering slowly. 

 

Bubble has given you some links to read and I would advise you to read, read and read again because

knowledge is power and when you know what is happening to your brain and nervous system it is much

easier to cope with the effects of withdrawal.  It is great that you came here before coming off all those

drugs, most of us arrived here in a terrible state of withdrawal.  You can take your time, taper slowly and

get your life back in the process.  When meds make people sick they usually get better as the doses get 

lower, hopefully this will happen for you too.  :)

 

Welcome to SA, the very best place to be when withdrawing from psychiatric drugs. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Hi bubble and MammaP. I have read the links (I had actually read some of them already, I lurked for a little while before posting). I am 20 years old now. So yeah, been on meds for over 6 years now. Luckily I am getting off of them while I am still young and have many years ahead of me. Even through all of the horrible things that have happened in my life I feel extremely lucky. I spent the majority of my teen years in various mental institutions, and I saw kids drugged against their will with maximum doses of multiple antipsychotics and benzos, kids taken from their parents (who were not abusive at all), restrained to beds, assaulted by staff... I do believe that there was some sort of "higher power" protecting me from the worst of it. I don't really belong to a specific religion but I have always believed that there is someone up there. That has gotten me through some of the worst points in my life.

 

Edit: Also, how do I change my avatar?

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Welcome, moonstone.

 

What is your dosage of each of these drugs: Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Geodon, and Lamictal?

 

That is a very odd combination of drugs. Has it had any benefit for you?

 

Do you have tablets rather than capsules of Geodon?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I don't know what to say and not sound patronising or something. You sound so very mature and strong, a true survivor. Again, I'm glad you are with us. 

 

I felt you knew a lot already. I look forwad to more particular questions you might have.

 

 

Click on your icon, it will take you to your profile, go to Edit my profile and the settings for uploading an avatar will be the first on the top.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Altostrata: The dosages are in my signature, but here it is again: Lexapro 20 mg, Wellbutrin 150mg, Geodon 20mg twice daily, and Lamictal 100mg. I think the only one really benefitting me is Lamictal. My life started getting better right after I started taking it, but that may have been due to external factors happening at the same time. For Geodon I have capsules, and they are not able to be cut. I don't know if there are tablets available or not, but I read there is an oral solution. I'm going to talk to my doctor about that. Also I was wondering if your username is a reference to the type of cloud?

 

bubble: I am glad you think I am mature and a survivor, I do not feel that was most of the time! I am actually very disabled by it all... I only work part time, I'm not in college (I had to quit because my mind was so clouded because of the meds), and I still live with my parents. I am really sad about it because I missed out on my teen years and now I'm starting to miss my 20's. As for the avatar, I tried that and it didn't work. It always said it was over 50 kb, even though my picture is 11 kb.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Yes, my name is derived from a cloud formation.

 

You can open the capsules and put the powder in water for a DIY suspension, see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/

 

It's quite stable, according to http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3018175/

 

Or, if your doctor will prescribe the liquid, you may find that more convenient.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I think I will talk to my doctor about it next time I can see her. I'm nervous to do anything without her knowing about it...

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Hello Moonstone,

 

Before you taper any further, please read this:  Why Taper By 10% of My Dosage?  You're on the right track by tapering only one drug at a time, but I'm concerned that you're going too fast. Is your doctor supportive of your going off Geodon? How long did it take you to taper 40 mg.?

 

Welcome to the forum, Moonstone.  You'll find lots of friendly support and solid information here.

Psychotropic drug history: Pristiq 50 mg. (mid-September 2010 through February 2011), Remeron (mid-September 2010 through January 2011), Lexapro 10 mg. (mid-February 2011 through mid-December 2011), Lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg. as needed mid-September 2010 through early March 2012

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." -Hanlon's Razor


Introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1588-introducing-jemima/

 

Success Story: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6263-success-jemima-survives-lexapro-and-dr-dickhead-too/

Please note that I am not a medical professional and my advice is based on personal experience, reading, and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers.

 

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Welcome Moonstone!!

 

Maybe just try uploading that avatar again. … sometimes the 2nd or 3rd time's a charm.

 

Glad that you are here!!

RU :)

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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I finally got my avatar to change! Yay. I tapered from my weird dose I was on for a year-ish (20 in the morning, 60 at night) to my current dose over about... 3-6ish months? I don't quite remember. That's another thing, my memory is bad. I don't see my doctor very often so I had to wait a while between steps. Which I think is good because of the size of the steps. I am going to talk to the doctor next time about the oral solution or the homemade liquid, even though I really hate taking liquid or crushed meds. Bad experience. At least I can swallow pills easily, since I've done it for so long. Would it be okay to put the liquid in fruit juice to mask the taste?

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Most doctors won't know anything about a homemade liquid. Please read see http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2693-how-to-make-a-liquid-from-tablets-or-capsules/. You can get a pharmacy liquid to use as the base, it has flavoring in it.

 

The drug may not taste bad in water.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I'm going to ask my doctor for the prescription liquid and if she won't give it to me I'll look in to making my own, I guess. I'm going to ask my mom tomorrow to find out when my next appointment is, and if I don't have one, get her to make one for me.

 

Also, I think I have hit a new low. I could not sleep until 7 AM today and I skipped therapy to sleep. I'm going to have to pay a late cancellation fee. Then I didn't get up until 7 PM. I've only been away for 4 hours and I'm already tired again (honestly I never wasn't tired...). I dunno why I am tired only in the day and not at night. I am going to the sleep doctor wednesday.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Drugs and withdrawal affect everything including sleep. I go to bed when I am sleepy

but often still can't get to sleep. It is good to rest though, and try some relaxation exercises 

while in bed.  allowing my mind to wander somewhere peaceful.  

 

You might want to look at the sleep topics in symptoms and self care, There are some excellent  

suggestions.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/53-sleep-problems/

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Moonstone, are you under age 18?

 

Going to sleep every night at the same time and getting up at the same time every morning is a good way to stabilize your sleep. See http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/604-important-topics-about-symptoms-including-sleep-problems/

 

It can be hard, but try to get up in the morning even if you've had little sleep. You want to keep your sleep cycle regular, if you sleep late, it will get thrown off.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I'm 20. Sorry I didn't post for a while, I've been too stressed emotionally to deal with this stuff. Honestly I don't see the point to forcing myself to get up right now... I don't have much to be awake for. Sometimes I go to sleep just to escape. Dreams are better then reality. And if I try to get up when my body is not ready it's just... awful. When it happens at work I always wish I could just faint so I could go sleep in the ER.

 

My friends have all started moving away into better lives. Literally two friends in the past month have gotten jobs in other cities. A third is looking for jobs in a field that doesn't really exist here. I have one other person I'd call a friend and he has only one year left in grad school before he starts looking for jobs in a field that also doesn't exist here.

 

My dad is always yelling at me. Or whisper yelling, which is just as bad if you ask me. The anger is the same no matter the volume. He doesn't come out and say things, he implies. Which is worse if you ask me because I'm always questioning whether I even have a right to be hurt by it. Basically to him I am lazy. He does not believe in trying. (When I was a kid he would quote Yoda from star wars. I don't remember the quote exactly but it's like "there is no try, only do") He says if I were trying I'd be doing the things HE wants me to do. Picking up after myself, doing my share around the house, sleeping normal hours. I guess those are all reasonable things to ask, but I just CAN'T right now. I hate myself because I'm failing my family and just being a burden. I want to be mad at my dad for yelling at me even when I'm scared and shaking, but I wonder if he has the right to treat me this way because I'm such a trash daughter... I don't know why I react so bad to yelling... I always hated it. At this point I start freaking out if anyone gets even a slightly harsh tone to their voice. My dad has always been a big fan of yelling which sucks considering this.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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Dear Moonstone,

 

thank you very much for sharing this with us. It takes a lot of courage to get up and speak about your pain.

 

I'm very sorry to hear that you are wondering whether your father has the right to yell at you. of course he doesn't. Nobody does. Everybody reacts extremely bad to yelling, believe me. If your father has been like this all along, no wonder you reacted with depression starting from an early age. The probelm is definitely in him and not in you. 

 

I identify so strongly with you here. I don't want to imply that our situations are the same but just want to say that what you wrote reminded me so much of what I went through. It took me many years of talk therapy to realise that I was a victim of both psychological and sometimes physical abuse. For many years I thought the same way as you that I was the problem. My father was a very agressive person and he blamed me for being too sensitive because I "couldn't stand being told anything". I invested an enormous amount of energy to pull myself out of my family home at the earliest opportunity (not before I was 18) because I felt my life depended on it. (I went to study away from my home town and worked hard to get a scholarship and everything so that I wouldn't have to go back).

 

Everyone would feel bad being in a situation like you describe. Have you ever been to any form of talk therapy? Do you have any siblings? It seems your mother is very supportive but probably your father is outpowering her as well. 

 

A lot of us here will strongly identify with regret you describe over not being able to live like your friends and being in a way left behind. I spent decades feeling awful about the results of comparison between myself and my peers. Again, after many years of talk therapy I have now stopped comparing myself to others who had luckier circumstances but instead give myself credit for having survived everything I did and still be around. In a long process I have learnt to accept mysef the way I am  and not see myself us "damaged goods" but as a valuable human being that nobody has the right to treat badly. I realised that as I child I was very vulnerable and needed others to protect me which tehy failed misereably. I also realised that now I'm a big girl who can and should protect myself from anyone who treats me badly. Because I don't deserve that. I only deserve unconditional love and acceptance which I didn't have at the time I was growing up but can give it to myself now. 

 

It's just amazing that despite everything that happened to you, you pulled through, got your education and work now. You are strong, smart and incredibly courageous. You've been trough more than most people will ever be and that made you stronger. Now you "just" have to see yourself for who you really are and not allow your father to bring you down. I had to physically move away from my father and his harmful influence. Reading books about how to be kind to oneself was also very important for me. When I was particularly hurting I found Louise Hay's books very helpful and soothing for my spirit because all the anguish I was feeling menat that my inner child was hungry for love and acceptance ( a good friend bought me her book for birthday and I didn't touch it for a few years thinking how could she have bought me "cheap psychology". But when i was lying in great emotional pain; I jsut felt an impulse to go and look for that book. It was a very interesting experience). There's lots of info on the web that I can't remember right now. I just feel you would benefit so much from connecting with your inner child (although it might sound silly, I found it a very useful concept).

 

I apologise for my rant but I just so vividly pictured myself at your age, feeling pretty much the same. So felt the need to send you a "message from the future" that things do get better. 

 

big hug,

bubble

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Hey I'm sorry if it takes me a long time to reply to posts and messages here, and I may not reply in a very long post or to everything in a post at once. This stuff is just really hard for me to think about, and even harder to write about. I've been going to talk therapy since I was about 13 and whenever I try to talk about this kind of thing the therapists would say it was not a big deal. Whenever I've been in treatment they would talk about how ~wonderful~ and ~involved~ my parents were, and they were compared to a lot of the kids there's parents, by far! And I hated hearing that, but I just don't feel like what has happened to me in my life is very bad compared to most people I know.

 

My current therapist does recognize that this stuff has really harmed me, I'm reluctant to refer to it as "trauma" or "abuse" since it wasn't as bad as what most people think when you say those words. Though many people I've talked to and my newest therapist will use them. Like I said, I feel I've been protected from the worst of it. I'm very sensitive compared to most other people, my therapist and certain friends who know me well tell me this a lot. I think the Universe wouldn't throw anything at me that would break me for good, though I do feel broken a lot of the time... I just react to things worse then most people.

 

Anyway, I do have siblings. Three of them, all younger. And I wouldn't be so quick to absolve my mom of all blame, she wasn't perfect either. She also yelled a lot, just not as much as my dad did. I don't think she caused me as much harm as my father, but I do remember incidents that hurt. Usually when my dad loses control at one of his kids it triggers a fight and she yells at him a lot, so it's more the other way around then you said. I've never seen my dad do anything to hurt my mom.

 

I feel so bad typing all this, don't feel like my parents are bad people at all! They did me more good then harm by far. They've always been great to me and my siblings, compared to the majority of parents. I feel like everyone has been harmed by their parents in similar ways to me, we're just so vulnerable at young ages. Honestly I don't believe in non-abusive families. My parents just were not prepared for a child as difficult as I was. Most people just don't react to this kind of thing in such a bad way as me.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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  • Administrator

Moonstone, stop blaming yourself. Your family didn't respond to you in the way that you needed. It was miscommunication. It's not your fault, your parents probably were distracted.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 My parents just were not prepared for a child as difficult as I was. Most people just don't react to this kind of thing in such a bad way as me.

Listen. You didn't get the type of nurturing that you needed from your parents. Period. Please don't excuse them..you don't have to blame them either ( unless you want to in which case go ahead but I wouldn't dwell on it...) but the fact is, for whatever reason you didn't get what you needed in order to be one of those perfect emotionally whole & healthy people from day one to the end of their days ( I hate them…kidding. Kinda) . 

 

At this point you might just as well face the fact that you won't get the opportunity to be "re parented" back..ever. So make up your mind that 1) You are ok the way that you are & 2) If you want to change yourself or improve or be different emotionally, YOU are going to have to take charge of it and do it yourself. You've taken an AWESOME first step by joining this forum!! There are GREAT people here!!

 

Protect yourself Moonstone. Protect that "difficult child" and take care of him/her by treating her like she is a God. Because she is.

 

RU

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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Thank you. I guess I am starting to get that my parents love me and never meant to harm me, but they did anyway. It's okay for me to feel sad and angry about it but still love my parents. I don't feel angry with them specifically, I feel angry at the society that made my parents, most everyone involved in my psychiatric care, my ex boyfriend... all of them, think it would be okay or even help me in some way to treat me badly. I feel... injured, though. I dunno if it's possible but I feel like my life has wore down on my mind and body in some way. I have a low threshold for this kind of thing, I think I probably am what's called a highly sensitive person (I think most aspies are HSPs). I just need to get the toxins out somehow. I really need to talk to my mom about psychiatrist appointments or *gulp* pick up the phone and call her office. (I'm afraid of phones).

 

Bubble I got your message and did not forget it, it's just something that I need to wait until I have the right kind of energy to reply properly.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I also feel very bad when I have to make a phone call (or ask for soemthing for myself even at a store) so I totally understand you.

 

That's why I'm training myself to do it. I think it woudl be a great personal victory if you managed to make that call yourself and very empowering.

 

Maybe you could break it down into a lot of small activities and also tell yourself: I'm scared of doing it but I will try (like the title of that book: Feel the fear but do it anyway). Prepare yourself carefuly. take notes or even whole sentences of what you have to say. be very gentle with yourself and show yourself understanding even if the person on the other side won't (which is very unlikely). Just bear in mind that you have the right to be who you are and that there is a great value in being the way you are although it is difficult for you. We are just different from others, not of lesser value. Some people and some circumstances require people like us. This world needs people like us.

 

Even if you don't do it, it's perfectly ok. It's a huge step forward that you thought of doing it at all. Give yourself credit for that.

 

Take your time. 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you. I guess I am starting to get that my parents love me and never meant to harm me, but they did anyway. It's okay for me to feel sad and angry about it but still love my parents. I don't feel angry with them specifically, I feel angry at the society that made my parents, most everyone involved in my psychiatric care, my ex boyfriend... all of them, think it would be okay or even help me in some way to treat me badly. I feel... injured, though. I dunno if it's possible but I feel like my life has wore down on my mind and body in some way. 

That's a great way to look at it. This whole thing remind me of when I was a teenager and anorexic. In those days hardly anyone had even heard of it much less understand the issues behind it.

 

When I went to see the doctor he said to me "What is your problem? Just eat more! ". Yuh. Like THAT was a help!! I even remember thinking you are a dumb f*ck .

 

Hang in there. and I agree with Bubble. Take you time.

 

RU :)

Fall 1995 xanax, zoloft. switched to Serzone

1996- spring 2003serzone/ xanax/ lightbox.

b]Fall 2003- Fall 2004? Lexapro 10 mg. Light box /4 mg. xanax.[/b]

2004 - Fall of 2009 10 mg Lex, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL % 4 mg xanax

November 2009- Sept. 2011 10 mg lex., 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax [/b

Sept.2012- July 2012 20 mg Lex 300 Well. XL, 4 mg Xanax

My mantra " go slow & with the flow "

3/2/13.. Began equal dosing 5 Xs /day xanax, while simultaneously incorporating a 2.5 % drop ( from 3.5 mg/day to 3.4 mg/day)

4/6/13 dropped from 300 mg. Wellbutrin XL to 150 mg. Difficult but DONE! Down to 3.3 mg xanax/ day / 6/10/13 3 mg xanax/day; 7/15/2013 2.88mg xanax/day.

10/ 1/2013...... 2.5 mg xanax… ( switched to tablets again) WOO HOO!!!!!! Holding here… cont. with Lexapro.

1/ 2/2014.. tapered to 18mg ( by weight) of a 26 mg ( by weight) pill of 20 mg tab. lexapro. goal is 13mg (by weight OR 10 mg by ingredient content) and STOPPED. Feeling very down with unbalanced, unpredictable WD symptoms.

1/2/2014- ??? Taking a brain-healing break from tapering anything after actively tapering something for 1.5 years. So… daily doses as of 2/2/2014: 18 mg by weight Lex, 150 mg Well. XL, 2.5 mg xanax, down from 26 mg by weight Lex., 300 mg well. XL, 4 mg xanax in August, 2012. I'll take it. :) 5/8/14 started equivalent dose liquid./ tabs. 5/13/14 1.5 % cut.

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  • Administrator

Being angry about needs that weren't met -- that's a great way to identify what you need to do for yourself.

 

What makes you angry? You can't go back in time to fix things, but you can work to get whatever it is you missed. Make a list, then make plans to obtain each thing.

 

For example, if you didn't get unconditional love, do something where you spend time with animals and soak in their affection. If you didn't get attention, do what you do best and absorb recognition for it. And so forth.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 4 years later...

Hey everyone! I haven't been on this site in nearly 5 years. I'm 25 years old now and unfortunately my life has not changed as much as I'd hoped. Still slowly but surely tapering my meds. With every dose reduction my mind seems clearer, once the dust settles at least. I've been cognitively able to attend college part time. Unfortunately I still live with my parents and don't really get a lot of social interaction. Trying to make sense of everything that's happened to me and who I am as a person.

Current: Lexapro 10 mg, Lamictal 100 mg

Down from lexapro 20 mg, lamictal 20 mg, wellbutrin 150mg, geodon 60 mg bid in 2012. Off Geodon in 2015. Lexapro tapered from 20mg during 2015-2018. Wellbutrin decreased to 100mg summer 2018. Unfortunately due to pharmacy mixup accidental CT Wellbutrin fall 2018.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Moonstone and welcome back,

 

Thank you for coming back to update us.  It is very much appreciated.

 

That's great news about attending college and that your mind seems clearer.

 

Please update your drug signature using the following format.   Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

  • details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
  • summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Here's some additional information which might help you to understand what is happening:

 

Recovery isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

Withdrawal Normal Description


When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

This was written by BrassMonkey who has now been Paxil free for 1+ years:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

During any taper, there will be times of discomfort.  We strongly encourage members to learn and use non drug coping techniques to help get through tough times.

 

Understanding what is happening helps us to not get caught up with the second fear, or fear of the fear.  This happens when we experience sensations in our body and because we don't understand them we are scared of them and then start to panic.

 

This document has a diagram of the body explaining what happens in the body when we become anxious:

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/AnxietySelfHelp.pdf

 

 

Audio FEMALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Audio MALE VOICE:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

Dr Claire Weekes suffered from anxiety and learned and taught ways of coping.  There are videos available on YouTube.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes

 

 
Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)
 
On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

So nice to have you back!

 

I remember you from all those years back :) Maybe you didn't make as much progress as you hoped for but you sure did a lot! Reducing your drugs responsibly, attending college, getting your brain back... Other things will fall in place soon also. We are never too old to start all over and you are so very young. Twenties are actually very difficult for everyone. We all feel better as we mature and become more accepting of ourselves. 

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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