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Elle: Please help

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elle

im not sure if i am posting in the right section.  I need help.  

 

I was given xanax (.25) to help me sleep (2.5 years ago) during a time of stress for 6 months.  i started not feeling well during the day and thought i could just stop the xanax c/t.  (my doctor told me to)  

 

I then became very sick, (did not know it was the benzo) severe anxiety/terror/insomnia/ etc etc...  i was kindled by my doctor so many times off and on valium (5mg) and i had no idea what was happening.  I finally found benzo buddies website and started reading..  i realized it was the benzo and the kindling that has ruined me.  i have been c/t from valium now 6 times. (5mg)  i reinstated valium when i heard i was suppose to taper about 10 months ago and have been microtapering down to 1.5 mg Valium.  I NEVER received any relief from reinstating.... I have been bedridden for 2 years and now i cannot get any lower on my taper without completely going crazy.  i am scared for my life.  i want off this drug but my anxiety is horrific..  someone told me to join this group that Alto was very good with these situations.   I know i have ruined my gaba receptors from kindling so much and I don't want any pills but I am willing to switch to something else at this point for ANY relief that might be easier to taper since ive kindled so much.  please any help would be so greatly appreciated.  im lost, alone and scared.


on remeron but found out that the MTHFR G6PD this medicine is very dangerous for me to take.  I have been getting more sick since I started it but never knew it could be this medicine..   Need to stop it immediately 

 

G6PD deficiency is an inherited condition in which the body doesn't have enough of the enzyme glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase, or G6PD, which helps red blood cells (RBCs) function normally. This deficiency cancause hemolytic anemia, usually after exposure to certain medications, foods, or even infections.

 

Started 6 mg remeron approximately June 2014 to supposedly help taper off benzo (didn't know better at the time, just trusted my doctor)

Finished Benzo taper Jan 2015.  Since then have taper the remeron with micro (mixed with water) taper so slow because I was waiting to heal from benzo before starting the 10% drop from remeron.   Have progressively gotten worse and now believe it IS the remeron making me worse not withdraw symptoms because this medicine is dangerous for me.  

 

cut 20% of remeron to 3.75 (too big of cut) updosed to 4.125    

 

 

 

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elle

Please anyone????   


on remeron but found out that the MTHFR G6PD this medicine is very dangerous for me to take.  I have been getting more sick since I started it but never knew it could be this medicine..   Need to stop it immediately 

 

G6PD deficiency is an inherited condition in which the body doesn't have enough of the enzyme glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase, or G6PD, which helps red blood cells (RBCs) function normally. This deficiency cancause hemolytic anemia, usually after exposure to certain medications, foods, or even infections.

 

Started 6 mg remeron approximately June 2014 to supposedly help taper off benzo (didn't know better at the time, just trusted my doctor)

Finished Benzo taper Jan 2015.  Since then have taper the remeron with micro (mixed with water) taper so slow because I was waiting to heal from benzo before starting the 10% drop from remeron.   Have progressively gotten worse and now believe it IS the remeron making me worse not withdraw symptoms because this medicine is dangerous for me.  

 

cut 20% of remeron to 3.75 (too big of cut) updosed to 4.125    

 

 

 

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Meimeiquest

What exactly do you mean by kindled by your doctor? Taken on and off meds? How long have you been at 1.5 mg? I agree with Primrose that a long hold is in order. Once we get destabilized in benzo WD, just like ADs, a long time of stability of medications is really the only antidote. And sometimes the valium switch just doesn't go very well. In the future, it will be easier if you recover completely from a drop before taking another one. Some people do well with periodic drops and some with micro tapering.

 

Are you taking magnesium? That can help, as well as Epsom salts baths if you are able to get in the tub.

 

Take a look, if you can, in the symptoms and self-care section, and see if you can find anything helpful.


1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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elle

yes im taking magnesium, cannot take baths, cannot sit still long enough to do that.  i pace, rock constantly..  severe.  my doctor kept telling me that i had an anxiety problem (which i didn't believe because i've never had anxiety in my life before this.) so he kept telling me to use valium for a few weeks then taper off quick. basically a c/t.  i was so desperate to believe he was the doctor that i followed his advice.  that is how i have kindled so much.  i have two little kids and cannot do this anymore.  i am a complete mess.  who is primrose?  did she tell me to hold the valium??  i have held for the past 4 weeks with no improvement..  I will keep holding but will it help?  my gaba receptors are so damaged..  i really need help


on remeron but found out that the MTHFR G6PD this medicine is very dangerous for me to take.  I have been getting more sick since I started it but never knew it could be this medicine..   Need to stop it immediately 

 

G6PD deficiency is an inherited condition in which the body doesn't have enough of the enzyme glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase, or G6PD, which helps red blood cells (RBCs) function normally. This deficiency cancause hemolytic anemia, usually after exposure to certain medications, foods, or even infections.

 

Started 6 mg remeron approximately June 2014 to supposedly help taper off benzo (didn't know better at the time, just trusted my doctor)

Finished Benzo taper Jan 2015.  Since then have taper the remeron with micro (mixed with water) taper so slow because I was waiting to heal from benzo before starting the 10% drop from remeron.   Have progressively gotten worse and now believe it IS the remeron making me worse not withdraw symptoms because this medicine is dangerous for me.  

 

cut 20% of remeron to 3.75 (too big of cut) updosed to 4.125    

 

 

 

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Skyler

Welcome to the forum Elle. I'm very sorry to hear of all you have been through. It's truly dreadful when docs cause so much pain out of ignorance.

 

Promise responded to you in the benzo subforum which is the correct place for you to post. There are alot of resources there and I suggest you browse through as you are able. We here differ from BB in that we believe the most people in situations similar to your benefit from prolonged holds.

 

I agree with Promise, the best thing you can do for yourself now is hold.. and you may need to do so for a number of months... until your CNS stabilizes (recovers from all the kindling caused by cts). I tapered off Klonopin over 3.5 years and held to good effect for one year of that time.

 

Skyler


As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Skylarblue75

Elle, I'm so truly sorry for what your going through, I  know all to well what benzo w/d hell is like,I'm 20 months off and still suffering along with protracted SSRI w/d for over 2 years now.

These meds are not to be used longer than 2-3 weeks max. You are not alone, it is the medications-NOT YOU.

 

Hugs to you


Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement.

 

Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years

January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT

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elle

thank you everyone for your response.  please tell me this will get better?  will it really help to hold?  when i was originally put on benzos i hit tolerance in 4 months.  i dont see how holding will help in my situation.  I want my life back so badly.


on remeron but found out that the MTHFR G6PD this medicine is very dangerous for me to take.  I have been getting more sick since I started it but never knew it could be this medicine..   Need to stop it immediately 

 

G6PD deficiency is an inherited condition in which the body doesn't have enough of the enzyme glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase, or G6PD, which helps red blood cells (RBCs) function normally. This deficiency cancause hemolytic anemia, usually after exposure to certain medications, foods, or even infections.

 

Started 6 mg remeron approximately June 2014 to supposedly help taper off benzo (didn't know better at the time, just trusted my doctor)

Finished Benzo taper Jan 2015.  Since then have taper the remeron with micro (mixed with water) taper so slow because I was waiting to heal from benzo before starting the 10% drop from remeron.   Have progressively gotten worse and now believe it IS the remeron making me worse not withdraw symptoms because this medicine is dangerous for me.  

 

cut 20% of remeron to 3.75 (too big of cut) updosed to 4.125    

 

 

 

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Ramsnic

It will get better Elle.

It's along slow process and the anxiety is made worse because you want off this POISEN.

I'm laid in my bed as I write this. I'm not on the same drug as you so I don't know what your going through. My own situation is. Horrific but I have to believe it will improve. My family were supportive at first but that fades as people don't understand. You can do this and you will for your children. It will get better. You will recover. You ate a strong person who has managed to reduce to such a low about. Stay where you are for now. Let your brain recover. Let your strength return. Then taper a tiny amount for another month. The last part will be the hardest. Go slow. Know that you are not alone. You can do this. Much love xxx


Effexor Free. Day 1. 25/09/14

7 years and today I can see what I did snd it's hard to live with.

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Rhiannon

Elle, I posted a long reply in your thread in the Benzo section.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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