Raul: hello i'm a new member

[raul]

hello, i put this message up to see if altostrata can read it and give some advise. Also i want to know, from your experience and for others,  if i do my taper very slowly, are there probabilities of having withdrawls symptoms?

Thanks for the answers.

[AliG]

 Hi Raul, I'm not Alto, but you seem to be feeling better.  "having good days".   If the "reinstatement" feels right, then I would go with that.  As you taper , there will probably be "withdrawal" symptoms.  They will probably be "bearable" though , if you go "slow".   Take Care. 

[raul]

thanks very much for your answer AliG, yes, for me it is important to know if people who did slow tapers had bad or not too bad withdrawls symptoms, only to know and be prepared about what i have to face in future. Now that i am not very stable, i have many doubts, sometimes my brain says "continue with the antidepressant, you are better on it" but i deeply know that this way is not the solution, so that in the future i will decide to do a slow taper, yes, with many fears because i am a weak person i think, i do not know if i can face all this stuff in the future, but at least i will try.

Hugs.

[AliG]

 If you do a slow taper, you should be fine, and not run into too many problems.  Try and stay off the "sleep meds".  They just cause problems.

[raul]

thanks aliG for the advise but i started with the klonopin when my withdrawls problems started, that is 20 days ago, maybe is not a long time, but i used it because i have sleep problems and i need to sleep because i have to work, i have no family in this country, i live completely alone and so i have to earn my money, nobody's can help me economically. If i do not have to work maybe i would not use the klonopin, but you know some days are so much difficult and going to work with no sleep and after having cried all the day before is not easy. Anyway i will decide to lower the dosage of klonopin and see how i can manage.

[AliG]

 I understand. Take care. I'm sure you will be fine.

[raul]

Hello, today i feel more anxious than previous days,( after 4 good days), i pray i will not finish with crying and big anxiety as last week. The last 2 weeks i was feeling good on weekends until tuesday, then on wednesday i become to be more anxious, i explode on thursday and friday calm but depressed, then on saturday i start to feeling good until wednesday and the cycle it repeats. It is my 16th day since i reinstated. Have so many doubts if i am doing it well. The fact is that today i am not sad, even i made jokes at work, but i can notice that all behind that i am feeling bad. Let's see what will happen. I never, never thought that this "meds" were so strong really, And this afternoon i promised to go to the beach but i am not feeling sure of myself, bad feelings are starting these moments.

Anyone had the same experience as me?

Best wishes for all.

[pug]

Raul,

 

I don't have any advice for you, but I am hoping that you will be feeling better and continue to heal. We are all in this together and we will all heal and get our life back, we just have to be patient and give it time; and that is what I am concentrating on right now and it does help to know that this is just a matter of time until we are healed.

[raul]

thanks very much for your words pug, i read your story and you are such a brave man, if i were in your place i couldn't face it, i am too weak and very scare of withdrawls symptoms. Sometimes i think, now that i reinstate, after 2 weeks of suffering, to be on drugs until death, because simply it's too much for me to face the withdrawl. I have reinstated 2 weeks ago, and although i continue suffering anxiety, some agitation, no good sleep, etc, i am much better than when i was not taking the drug. I am really very confused at this point, and now i i am not sure if i want to make a taper or continue with the drug for ever.

Best wishes for all of you.

[raul]

Hello, after some days good but with anxiety and not very good sleep, today i started to cry, it seems thay my nervous system needs to explode after accumulation of stress, it was returning from the job by car. The same goes to someone else? Is a constant feeling of anxiety that "itches" inside my body and with a horrible feeling in my chest. It is very difficult to put a "good face" at work, besides bad concentration, lack of memory, etc. I am really confused, did you all think that i made a good thing reinstating after a fast 6 months taper. I don't know what to do and i need an opinion and also if someone else has been in the same way.  

Thanks for the answers.

raul.

[LoveandLight]

Hi Raul..I was where you were in oct..I wish I had done things differently. To hold steady at the same dose until very stable. I had runs of 4 good days exactly like you but that all went when I reacted to a different brand of my med - so always get the same kind. Now I'm still unstable 10 months later because I would go up and down doses and tried another med which I think I have reacted to. So..that is what I wish I'd done..there are many people on this site who have reinstated and then stabilised. Best of luck to you! How I miss even the stage your at now - runs of good days..you will get there..

[raul]

hello loveandlight, so do you suggest that i have to continue with the 5 mg dosage of lexapro until i am stable? my main problem is everyday anxiety, the cortisol am that makes me not to sleep well with the consequence of being very tired all day, and only a day in a week the bursts of crying that make me depressed. Ok, i have to be patient but i am so confused that if i get stable with this drug i want to stay with it until death, i do not want to suffer anymore, i am not  strong like all of you.

 

Best wishes.

[LoveandLight]

I am not strong, Raul...I didn't stick out my reinstatement so im doing worse now or certainly no further forward..

 

Yes if I could do it again. I would stick with the reinstatement still very stable. Don't think you'll suffer much if you taper slowly..

[LoveandLight]

Have you tried darkening the bedroom or wearing an eye mask? This can help with cortisol..

[raul]

yes lovelight, i always sleep with an eye mask, the problem is that when i go to bed i am still anxious and even if i sleep aprox. 6 hours they are not of good quality, i only can sleep good the days after i explode into tears, that means 1 or 2 days in a week only, then the increasing anxiety makes me sleep less, and the cycle repeats another time.  If only i can find something that makes my system nervous calm, i was thinking asking the doctor about lyrica, but i do not know if it is a good idea, and that means another med in the mix,  what do you think ?  

[raul]

Today i am going to take an epsom salt bath, i wish it can helps me something for my poor nervous system.

[LoveandLight]

I think Epsom salts sounds better than lyrics! Imo

[raul]

Hello everybody, last night i had a terrible night, strange, bad sleep and i went to work and started to cry to my boss very depressed, then i went home miserable with suicidal thoughts, and this afternoon i went to see the doctor desperately and she prescribed seroquel 25 to reduce my high anxiety and insomnia. I am so confused but also so desperate that i think i will take seroquel 25 this night because i can't stand more suffering, no gym, no work, not sleep, not nothing, only crying all day so for me is ENOUGH.

I am very happy to know all of you, you all were my support all these days, but i have to go this place,because this suffering and depression is killing me literally and i can't do anymore, so i will take this drugs for all my life, i can't see another solution.

Best wishes for all and i hope you all recover from this nightmare.

Raul.

[LoveandLight]

Best wishes to you x

[raul]

Hello everybody, 3 days ago i promised to quit this fórum, i was on a very strong neuroemotion and i went to a doctor to prescribe me something to sleep more hours and she gave me seroquel. The fact is that i was obviously mistaken, but you have to understand me, it wasn't me really they were my neuroemotions that make me to act in this way. Finally i didn't take the seroquel, but i still with strong withdrawls symptoms such as: anxiety, neuroemotion, tired, insomnia, muscle pain....although that i have reinstated. Sometimes i think that is better if i die, and spend a lot of time looking in internet things related to death, but on the contrary i do not want to comit suicide, i also have the tendency that every person i see they are smart, do not need to take pills, they have happy lifes, etc. I give all my money if i can be off of this situation. Nobody here understands me, i love my 2 cats, and my partner and my Friends, but they do not understand me. It is very frustrating. I am in the 22 days after i reinstated and i do not think i am doing much better. Please i need and advise, your are the only ones you can understand me, i feel very lonely and miserable.

Hugs.

[raul]

oh, please can't stop crying, i can't bear it anymore,please help me

[LoveandLight]

Whats happening, Raul? These waves pass. Horrific at the time but they pass and you go on with things like it never happened!

[raul]

thanks lovelight, the thing it is i have too much cortisol in blood that my veins are so visible in arms and itches a lot and then i burst into tears. I do not know if it was correct to reinstate, i am feeling suicidal these days, it is too difficult, it is worst than last year. This week i am going to give all my money to a friend, in case i decide not to live anymore, and i do not want to be dramatic, but it is too hard. Women are much stronger than we men, i think. Please, i pray things get better from now.

[LoveandLight]

You'd be feeling worse though if you did not reinstate? The suicidal thoughts and of death is part of this condition. In your good days you do not want to die - do you?

[raul]

Well,i do not know , i have no answer, who knows? but it is supposed that after 22 days of reinstatement things would be better, i think. I was better the first days of reinstatement. Well, this is very scary really. I do all my best to change things, even i recently have drunk black tea and vit.C  to low the cortisol level. but i do not know if it really helps. Well, this afternoon i will try to go on bike, even if i do not want to go, because i really prefer to stay at home.

*******, *******  poison-lexapro. Sorry.

[Altostrata]

Raul, I think we've told you, stabilization can take much longer than 22 days.

 

You will have good days and bad days. Some nights, you will have little sleep. This is what everyone who has gone off drugs too fast and then reinstated goes through.

 

You will need to be patient and take care of yourself. In a while, perhaps some months, you will feel stable enough to start tapering, if you wish to do that. 

 

We advocate very gradual tapering by tiny amounts to minimize withdrawal symptoms.

 

When you have a bad wave, turn your thoughts away from sad thoughts and think of how much you love your cats and your partner. Are those your cats in your avatar photo? They are beautiful.

 

You are the only person who can give yourself the strength to get through this. No matter how much we tell you to be patient, we cannot put this inside you. You need to do this yourself.

 

It is not true that women are stronger than men in this condition -- Brassmonkey is a male, perhaps he can tell you it can be done.

 

If you wish, you might want to try a little more escilatopram, such as 6mg, to see if that helps.

 

Black tea or coffee can disrupt sleep. You may wish to stay away from all forms of caffeine.

[raul]

Thanks very much altostrata for your answer, i will do what you suggest. I didn`t know about the black tea, it was supposed to low the amount of cortisol. I also was thinking about updose to 6 mg, i will see these days how is the evolution.

[Knaster]

Hang in there Raul! You will make it, I am sure! Force yourself yo get outside and do things, pet your cats, remember that you are not alone to feel weak (i do it all the time).

[raul]

hello everybody, well after these crying and sad days, and after updose to 6 mg 3 days before, i think that i can't resist anymore, so maybe i will updose to 10 mg, like last year, and see what's happen. maybe 6 mg is too small dosage for me and i need more for be functional at least. Today i cried in a restaurant, then in the beach....well, i am very confused. There was a psychiatrist friend of my best friend, and told me that it was a very small dosage that al least i have to tried with 10 mg. (i thought why then he don't take the drug himself). The fact is that i have 2 Friends that have been on AD for many years, and never have wd problems, and are happy and functional. So i am confused, because of my Friends, this doctor......all they pushed me to updose. Please, i need your advice, these days i feel very confused with all this stuff.

[Skyler]

Please, i need your advice, these days i feel very confused with all this stuff.

 

Alto gave excellent advice several posts back (#63)..  she runs the forum and she is the most informed person here.  I'd suggest rereading it...   And it takes 4 days for an updose to take effect.  Sorry to hear you are feeling so distressed.. I know this is very difficult.

[raul]

Hello everybody, these days i am feeling like a rollercoaster, but what worries me is that yesterday i slept only 3 hours, and now i feel very tired. I take klonopin 0.5 mg and sometimes updose to 1 mg in the nights to help to sleep. I think i will updose to 1 mg everynight because it is very hard to sleep not many hours and then get tired during the day. Two times i took 1 mg alprazolam to help sleep but i prefer to continue with klonopin. What do you think? the insomnia is killing me and is very important to me to sleep well. I took a sick note at work because of all this, and very worried if i do not get stable this time, very much scared.

I know that i have to be patient, but time goes by and i do not see much improvement.

[bubble]

Hello Raul,

 

I've also been through the horror of stopping escitalopram (practicaly without tapering). After reinstating I was just happy that thing didn't continue to get worse as they did while I had been waiting for 40 days thinking that I would free myself from the drug.

 

None of us is strong but we have to become and you have become strong because these are awful states to go through. The worst thing is that fear that it will never get better. But it will. It's just that it can literally take months. But it won't be this bad all the time. Just think of this as if you broke your leg and now it's in lot of pain. But if you keep it still and treat it gently it will heal. If your leg was broken you wouldn't feel so bad about not being able to go to the beach or do your normal things. You would accept it as something temporary. Try to treat your brain in the same way.

 

Don't worry about the symptoms and not sleeping too much. It's horrible but it won't hurt you and with every passing day it will get better and better. Focus on small things that bring you relief. Focus on relief and not on normal functioning. Try not to compare yourself with normal functioning in the same way you wouldn't comapre yourself with football players if you had a broken leg.

 

Are you taking any magnesium?

 

It would be good to discuss your situation with Klonopin with our benzo experts in the benzo subsection. Irregular use of benzos can actually contribute to anxiety so if you are taking it so freqquently it might be better to start taking them regularly. Here is the link to the benzo section where you can ask for advice regarding Klonopin:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-forum/

 

Paradoxically, we heal faster if we allow ourselves to feal as "sick" as we need to be and if we don't fight it... Also we mostly don't come and update our treads when we feel better. Could you describe your moments when you feel better? When I was waiting to stabilise, I would just focus on those moments and try to disregard the rest. My worse symptom was that I felt as if my brain was dead and I couldn't take in any information. Then there would be moments when all that awful for would clear and I was able to function. Gradually those momements got bigger and bigger. I also suffered with lots of anxiety and inosmnia but that was the worst.

 

Hang in there. Time is your friend.

 

Bubble

[raul]

thanks bubble for the answer, but i also feel suicidal, and even i try to do exercise and other things, i can't concentrate. My head is full of bad thoughts. Yesterday i was better, but today feel very miserable and upset because i have to care my cats, Friends.....and they always see me depressed, i simulate but it is difficult. I also write a testament just in case, because my head is controlling me, i can't do anything, and i have a pain chest of sadness and depression continuosly, added to a high anxiety. I try to do my best, but sometimes it is impossible. I have reinstate for a month, and contrary at the last reinstatement i did last year, this year seems to be very hard. Sometimes i think about updose to 10 mg escitalopram, i am confused, don't know what to do. And also i am not very patient. Ok, i have to be strong, but it is very difficult now.

[bubble]

It seems that it is precisely because of previous discontinuations that you have much harder time this time.

 

My point was exactly that you shouldn't try to exercise for a while. And what if your friends see you depressed? If you had a broken leg they wouldn't expect you to jump around... Why should this be different?

 

Contrary to what psychiatrists claim not having tried themselves and in the absence of any research, "terapeutic dose" doesn't mean anything especially in the brain that has been sensitised with withdrawal. For 11 years your brain was working very hard to adjust to different medications and their multiple removal. So it's not surprising that it is taking longer than 1 month to rebuild itself somewhat again. We've seen many very bad reactions from increasing to a too high dose. Our brains got sensitive to food so how could they not react to such strong substances as drugs?

 

When did you updose to 6 mg? It's hard to tell when 3 days ago was so it's always better to put a date

 

It would be good to look up for a helpline number and/or have a trusted friend if dark thoughts get too much.

 

I hope you will soon feel at least a bit of relief which will give you hope and strength.

[raul]

hello bubble i updose to 6 mg in 14 august (5 days ago), Thank you.

[raul]

help, i feel very suicidal now, i am desperate! i am crying a lot , do not what to do, help me please, please