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melcita very very desperate! help!


melcita

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i live in Germany and my Dr are literally killing me.
I was given lorazepam for migraines last year and cold turkeyd off them after 10 weeks (last dose Feb 6) because I started feeling mentally horrible on them, noboy told me what benzos were and what to do. I was put on low anti psychotic promethazine (4 weeks) and Depakote(4 weeks and then another 4 Weeks). Last Dekapote dose in May. Last single dose of Antipsychotic for "sleep" in April, this is when the Akathisa started, but the Dekapote helped me sleep also after I stopped it. But every pain med or supplement or ANYTHING really robbed me at least 1 week of sleep. I pulled through 10 suicidal months with 2-3 hours sleep if at all and then was given a sedative antipsychotic again 3 weeks  ago, one dose. I thought this might help something. Absolute hell broke loose. Suicidal akathisia. I can not tolerate anything anymore. It feels like this dose put me back to day one. I feel like in absolute acute.  The last agent given to me was the what I suspect the most offending drug all along. I didn't tolerate benzodiazepine either though. I am in a awful position with doctors not believing me and saying it's in my head. It is my last resource here.
I can not tolerate anything no propanolol not even my migraine tablets. Everything works paradox.

 

I read about lamictal in beyond meds, she took it 2 weeks in a mini dose to help boost sleep. Then tapered off (she also had a benzo wd)
Altostrata says to take it for a year, was she also in benzo wd or only SSRI? Does this also apply to benzo wd people.

 

I havent slept properly for over 3 weeks. Bouts of minutes just to stay alive. I can not do this anymore. Before the dose of ap. I was sleeping 3-4 hrs.
I called up and down germany nobody understands this. I found a dr who would help me and do what i tell him, but he is not aquainted with this.
Can a benzo wd even heal on a mini dose of lamictal? Because of the gaba/glutamate?
My problem is that i can not endure this much longer, but no sleep no healing.I hope hope hope you can somehow help me.

Do I even have the chance to ever heal? I have been doing this for 11 months now and I barely survive a day. I am exhausted. 

Oh yes and great I stopped smoking 2 years ago, but I started again, it seems to calm down the akathisa.

I AM SO SCARED!!!!! I can actually not sit this out anymore. I tried EVERYTHING teas, herbs, meditation, relaxing, baths etc. I guess people with akathisa know you just dont sleep then......I am so worried I am going to die. 

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I am so, so sorry for your suffering. You're not crazy, and you're not alone. I have experienced much of what you describe, in my past, plus I have met many, many people over the years going through the kind of thing you describe.

 

The bad news: I don't have a solution that will fix you. We don't really recommend any particular meds here, other than helping people with a small reinstatement when that seems appropriate. In your case, from the med history you describe and the reactions you describe, this doesn't sound like a situation where I would clearly advise reinstatement. 

 

I do believe that both Gianna (of Beyond Meds) and Alto worked with one particular doctor (who I think lives in the San Francisco area of the US) who did use extremely small doses of Lamictal with them. It's possible your doctor could consult with that one and learn more about his approach. I could be wrong about that, I have only heard about it in a very peripheral way.

 

(Maybe Alto will be able to give you more information about that doctor, and hopefully she will correct me if what I'm saying is not correct.)

 

The good news: If the only psych med history you have is what you have described above, I think your chances for a full recovery are pretty good. I would even say "very good."

 

It may take a while. It could take a couple of years. Probably the symptoms will wax and wane, but at their worst they will probably never be much worse than they are right now.

 

I have seen many people who are in as bad shape as you are right now, go on to heal and recover, over time.

 

Please take a look through our "Symptoms and Self-Care" section. In particular, look for the threads about sleep. Most of us find that when we are not sleeping well, all of our symptoms are worse. You may find some tips or ideas there which will help you get at least a few hours of sleep. You might be surprised at how much small changes can help with improving sleep.

 

You will get lots of caring support here. And I think you have good reason to expect eventual recovery. 

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I would like to add, your experience of being very sensitive to psych meds and having a bad or paradoxical reaction to all of them, you are not alone. 

 

Pretty much everyone ends up in that state if they take enough meds for long enough time, go through a CT or two, and/or go through several med changes. Usually it doesn't happen as fast as it did with you, but you are not alone, some people do have that response right away. It is rare for someone to be that sensitive with limited use and exposure but it is not unheard of. We get several people every year (maybe half a dozen or so?) who have extreme sensitivity with limited use.

 

Your doctors have not been educated about this because their education about these drugs comes entirely from the manufacturers of them or from people who are being paid by those manufacturers or from books written partly or entirely by people who are being paid by those manufacturers. It is a very corrupt system and most physicians don't even realize how limited their knowledge is.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Thanks Rhi

 

yes my only history. I took a ad but that is like 12 years ago. Before Benzo i took OTC histamine and tryptophan to sleep. Cant use than anymore either

 

your comment on that it will take a couple of years after such short exposure really scares me :( I was hoping since being off benzos 11 months I had some healing done there.....

 

the Problem is I have tried EVERYTHING natural and it doesnt help.

 

Yes I will ask Altostrata. I am even so desperate I would travel to San Francisco. But the best option would be him consult with mine.

For the sleep issue I nearly dont see me enduring it much longer....like it wont stop because of the akathisa...if I dont boost it with something. Because it really is getting dangerous. 

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh, I could be wrong about the time frame, especially if the benzos are the main culprit. And when I say "two years" I don't mean you will feel this bad that whole time! It can be a couple of years before people feel completely well though.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

melcita23,

 

I am new here also and I keep going between feeling desperate and feeling hopeful.  I am trying to focus on the hopeful part and I can tell you that what is helping me right now is that I keep going to the part of this website that has Recovery Success Stories.

 

Some people here already have been so kind and supportive of me.  One person in particular who has already been SO nice is UnfoldingSky.

 

I'm sorry you are desperate.  I'm desperate, too, but let's promise to each other that we will keep holding on.

*I'm not a doctor and don't give medical advice, just personal experience
**Off all meds since Nov. 2014. Mentally & emotionally recovered; physically not
-Dual cold turkeys off TCA & Ativan in Oct 2014. Prescribed from 2011-2014

-All meds were Rxed off-label for an autoimmune illness.  It was a MISDIAGNOSIS, but I did not find out until AFTER meds caused damage.  All med tapers/cold turkeys directed by doctors 

-Nortriptyline May 2012 - Dec 2013. Cold turkey off nortrip & cold switched to desipramine

-Desipramine Jan 2014 - Oct. 29, 2014 (rapid taper/cold turkey)

-Lorazepam 1 mg per night during 2011
-Lorazepam 1 mg per month in 2012 (or less)

-Lorazepam on & off, Dec 2013 through Aug 2014. Didn't exceed 3x a week

-Lorazepam again in Oct. 2014 to help get off of desipramine. Last dose lzpam was 1 mg, Nov. 2, 2014. Immediate paradoxical reactions to benzos after stopping TCAs 

-First muscle/dystonia side effects started on nortriptyline, but docs too stupid to figure it out. On desipramine, muscle tremors & rigidity worsened

-Two weeks after I got off all meds, I developed full-blown TD.  Tardive dystonia, dyskinesia, myoclonic jerks ALL over body, ribcage wiggles, facial tics, twitching tongue & fingers, tremors/twitches of arms, legs, cognitive impairment, throat muscles semi-paralyzed & unable to swallow solid food, brain zaps, ears ring, dizzy, everything looks too far away, insomnia, numbness & electric shocks everywhere when I try to fall asleep, jerk awake from sleep with big, gasping breaths, wake with terrors & tremors, severely depressed.  NO HISTORY OF DEPRESSION, EVER. Meds CREATED it.

-Month 7: hair falling out; no vision improvement; still tardive dystonia; facial & tongue tics returned
-Month 8: back to acute, incl. Grand Mal seizure-like episodes. New mental torment, PGAD, worse insomnia
-Month 9: tardive dystonia worse, dyskinesia returned. Unable to breathe well due to dystonia in stomach, chest, throat
-Month 13: Back to acute, brain zaps back, developed eczema & stomach problems. Left leg no longer works right due to dystonia, meaning both legs now damaged
-7 years off: Huge improvements, incl. improved dystonia

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I need to sleep after 11 months. I can't survive this anymore. It is pure torture. I don't want to do this anymore

 

Thanks wiggle. I just cant go on anymore.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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I really really need help. My body is giving up because of no sleep. I am scared to death.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm so sorry melcita, this sounds like an absolute nightmare. Please hold on, you WILL get better. Many people here struggle with sleep. You might check out this thread and see if you find anything useful.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/555-tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-withdrawal-insomnia/

 

We've been where you've been and we're here with you now. You aren't alone! Hang in there.

3 Years 150 mgs Effexor

2 month taper down to zero

3 terrible weeks at zero

Back up to 75 mgs

2 months at 75

6 or so months back to regular dose of 150 - was able to restabilize fine.

3 month taper back to zero

1 HORRENDOUS week at zero

2 days back up to 37.5

3 days back up to 75

One week at 150 - unable to stabilize.

Back down to 75 mgs

At 75 mgs (half original dose) and suffering withdrawal symptoms since October 2012.

 

"It is a radical cure for all pessimism to become ill, to remain ill for a good while, and then grow well for a still longer period." - Nietzsche

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My problem is i did it all and know it all.

My brain just wont shut down. I am so weak i can hardly move and i feel sick my head is in extreme pain.

I can honestly feel this insomnia is becoming dangerous. I only sleep minutes and this since weeks. I think i will just try the lamictal to save my life because this isnt wokring anymore. I feel the need to go to hospital but they will make me worse. My body is really shutting down. The akathisia wont let me rest.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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My problem is i did it all and know it all.

My brain just wont shut down. I am so weak i can hardly move and i feel sick my head is in extreme pain.

I can honestly feel this insomnia is becoming dangerous. I only sleep minutes and this since weeks. I think i will just try the lamictal to save my life because this isnt wokring anymore. I feel the need to go to hospital but they will make me worse. My body is really shutting down. The akathisia wont let me rest.

I know you have tried it all... I can't read that entire thread to see what 3 pages say... I am not up to it. 

I can tell you what I did... walk... if you can't sit walk try to do it in a place that has some trees or something nice to look at... 

deep relaxation 

there are many on utube in the early days i did a cd of the ocean as that is all I could stand with heat on my spine in a reclining 45 degree position.... 

Cold and hot water foot baths I don't know why but sometimes they were helpful... 

distraction without sleep the brain starts to misfire try colouring yep with crayons... it helped me. 

wish I had more

and wish you peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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Thanks!

Problem is i cant walk anymore. My body wont carry me anymore. Its been too long.

I have come to peace with what is going to happen.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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I am going to break my parents hearts. But i can not carry on anymore.

The minutes of sleep are killing me. I havent had a break in 11 months and that one dose of ap 4 weeks ago set me back to day one. People are in the pits of hell from one ap dose for 1 year.

I have to find peace.i am being tortured.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment

I am getting more terrfied by the minute

I read giannas blog religiously and she states of having 6 months 1-3 hrs sleep. I have had this for 10 months!! And now in month 11 i only have minutes after the ap dose. I am really really really terrfied i will not survive this.

What if i read too much and am just too terrified of ever recovering? Is this my own anxiety of being in this already and keeping me in this?

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment

Another question. I stopped smoking 2 years ago but started again with the akathisia. It seemed to calm me. But nikotin also functions on the receptors. In order to heal and not smoke i should stop again?!!? Being healed one day and stopping would bring me back into wd? God am i doomed?????

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Melcita,

 

I'm afraid I can't answer your question about smoking. The common wisdom that we have found to work when everything else fails is keeping things stable by not introducing any changes or making changes very, very slow and gradual. That would apply to smoking. Best to leave it as it is now. 

 

When I read your story I saw an update from one of our members who also first came here not being able to sleep. When people start feeling better, they go out and live their lives but alldaisy came back and told us about her improvement. I believe reading through her thread will give you much needed hope. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6454-alldaisy-zyprexa-wihdrawal-severe-insomnia-and-lack-of-appetite-please-help/

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Thanks bubble! So stupid of me of starting again!!! It seemed to be a good idea then!

 

I will try and stop gradually.....

I think it might help me heal

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks!

Problem is i cant walk anymore. My body wont carry me anymore. Its been too long.

I have come to peace with what is going to happen.

 

Regular gentle exercise is very important to being able to sleep. Maybe you can get a walker or cane, if you can't walk unassisted, or use an indoor stationary bicycle. I use "trekking poles" to help me walk.

 

Also important is monitoring exposure to light, especially blue light. Most of us have to limit our use of computers or televisions during the latter part of the day and evening. I use amber glasses in the evening. In your extreme situation I would even consider not using artificial light at all after about 5 or 6 pm, using only candles, or using only very soft light and using dimmers.

 

There are other similar suggestions that are quite simple yet quite powerful. I know how hard it is to feel hopeful or positive when you're not sleeping, but please do give these things a try.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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I have to keep trying...

I just need encouragement. I really hope everyone does heal!

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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Please please keep breathing, put one foot in front of the other, one minute at a time.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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I just feel like giving up. I dont even know what to do to speed up the healing. I want to give up every second. Every minute is torture.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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I just feel like giving up. I dont even know what to do to speed up the healing. I want to give up every second. Every minute is torture.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment

Don't! Don't give up! Don't do it.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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I am going to an integrative doctor who recommends inositol, I have written about it in the thread about inositol and sleep. I so hope something helps soon. Time will if nothing else. So many people have despaired but have eventually recovered.

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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The problem is the akathisia its so brutal. It wont let me keep still for long.

I am so scared.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment

Hold on. I'm in a sleepless night myself. Just hold on. I haven't slept at all. Im exhausted.

 

Just hold on.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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Oh god its so hard and the brutal mental suicidal terror after nearly 1 year.

I want out.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment

Hold on. I'm in a sleepless night myself. Just hold on. I haven't slept at all. Im exhausted.

 

Just hold on.

2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor.....

5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses.

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I havent had a good minute in 11 months. I dont have any waves or windows. I am not joking.

It doesnt seem right. It seems to me i am damaged.

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hang in there melcita, I know you feel like this is never going to end, but that's not true, with every day you get through, you are one step closer to recovery.  You are not permanently damaged, just temporarily changed and what's going on now is that those changes are reversing and it feels like hell.

 

In your first post you wrote that you think the anti psychotic you took one dose of recently has put you back to day one.  You might feel as bad as you did at the beginning, but its not going to last as long, this is just a wave triggered by the drug, this happened to me recently.  I took some aspirin for pain and a few days later I felt like my recovery had gone back to the beginning, I was scared I had to go through it all again, but it was just a wave and it passed in about 2 weeks.  Because you took an anti psychotic and that's a more powerful drug than aspirin, it may take longer than 2 weeks for this wave to pass, but it will, you have not gone back to day 1.

 

If you have already started smoking again and it helps, my opinion is that you should keep smoking for now, just try and keep it low.  When you get through this withdrawal, you can quit smoking again.

 

Do whatever you need to do to get through each day, and those windows will come eventually.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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I havent had a good minute in 11 months. I dont have any waves or windows. I am not joking.

It doesnt seem right. It seems to me i am damaged.

This helped me if you can't walk now it may help you. 

It is called emotional freedom therapy it may look a bit silly but when nothing was helping me this seemed to help a bit... almost imperceptible at first but later it was more noticeable. I hope it helps you.

 

I was reading on here yesterday about a person who smoked saying it increases dopamine and serotonin ... I don't know how true it is as I did not look it up... it may be something you could find in a search I don't recall who it was that said it my memory sucks for some things. Not sure if there was any further useful info with that post or not sorry.

I am wishing you peace 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • Moderator Emeritus

What helped me the most when I had severe akathisia and insomnia was David Swenson's 'Just Relax' Yoga DVD.  I used this about three times a day to begin with.  I also used a sleep CD called 'Achieving Perfect Sleep' by Dr. Hilary Jones.  I woke up once the track finished so I just replayed it.  Rather than trying to sleep see if you can just rest by reclining on pillows, I found this took away the pressure of trying to get to sleep and worry about failing.  You could try a very low dose of melatonin, not too much or it can have a paradoxical effect.

 

Is this my own anxiety of being in this already and keeping me in this?

 

Your worry and fear is quite possibly exacerbating things.  I know it is hard not to.  What helped me was using lots of positive self-talk, just repeating simple positive affirmations to myself over and over.  It doesn't matter if you really believe them or not, just filling the mind with positive thoughts leaves less room for the negative ones.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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  • Mentor

Sending you a big hug.   Sorry thats all I can do.  

1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression.  Serotonin syndrome, oh yes!  seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol.

Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly)  pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby).  98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.
2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout....  Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol,   and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.
Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg  seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg  tegretol 400mg.  Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.
Mid 15 ....   75mg  seroquel,  3 x 1800mg SJW  2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave
5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x  SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW
15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::   28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::;  18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump.

23/9  3mg.....,  27/9 0mg.  Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg.............  LIGHTBULB MOMENT,  I have  MTHFR 2x mutations.  CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it.

Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues.

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Thanks for all your comments and the hug.

 

I have been in this horrible wave after the drug for 5 weeks now. It's just the akathisia blog the people there suffered for one year because of one iv dose.

 

And yes my fear is making this crazy because it seems antipsychotics are the only drug that really can cause permanent damage. I am even noticing twitching around my mouth which could be diskenisia.

 

Yes I have tried the tapping.

 

You guys are really nice. I am so terrified because I am convinced I am a exception because of the ap. Do people even recover from that.

 

I am tapering off the smoking too I am terrified of everything now.yes it works on serotonin and dopamine that's why I want to stop slowly, but if may make things worse. I feel like my brain is doomed due to all my stimulation.

 

Hugs to you all. So many of you are in oz and nz I love your accents

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

Link to comment

I think feeling like your the exception and not going to heal is part of the feeling and fear that comes with withdrawal, not necessarily the truth. Xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Who could explain it scientifically to me how my fear is supposed to leave if I fear it and am convinced of permanent brain damage?

 

Thanks jonnad xx

Nov2103-feb2014 1mg lorazepam cold turkey
Feb-march promethazine
Feb-march dekapote
March-april st. Johns wort
April-may dekapote

Nov single dose of low dose Antipsychotic

11 Months of pure Hell 

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