powerback Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 minute ago, apace41 said: LOL, PB. Thanks for the offer but I'm good. People have suggested I have a "Bruce Willis" look so I'm good with that. It's very easy to care for (at least that's what I tell myself). Glad to see you've come a little ways out of the hole you were in the other day. Best, Andy All over the place the last few weeks Andy ,even today I was hit with massive depression for hours and then it eased a little .ile take having a bit more energy today than yesterday ,the weather has been great 😁.ide definitely get a bipolar diagnosis if a psychiatrist got hold of me lol. the movie unbreakable comes to mind with bruce willis ,one of my favourites with him . Take care . Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
bromor Posted May 18, 2018 Share Posted May 18, 2018 andy.... my heart hurts for you. BUT!!!! Everything Shep said... you've not lost the essence of you. You are kind and caring.... you help others in spite of how you're feeling. Look at how far you've come! Totally off benzos, and down 88% from Zoloft. That, my friend, is a huge accomplishment. It truly is! Now, I know from being an anxiety centre member myself that acceptance is huge. I feel that acceptance is a huge struggle for you.... (and I totally completely GET IT). I don't want to accept that even though I'm off Zoloft that I still feel crappy a huge majority of the time (even if it's not always anxiety). It's frustrating to say the least. Even though I don't always take my own well meaning advice.... when I do eat right (NO sugar, NO gluten), meditate, rest, exercise, I can cope with how my body feels so much better. Please know that I'm praying for you. You've got this. You can do it. It's not the journey you signed up for ~ but in the end, it will be beautiful & it will help others. Much love... On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SkyBlue Posted May 18, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 18, 2018 1 hour ago, apace41 said: At the risk of sounding like a whiner, I feel like the past several months have been one big wave that I tried to surf and have been slowly been pulled under by. If I could get some rebound soon I think it would provide me the sustenance I need to continue to roll forward with this. No, you're not a whiner. Definitely not. I'm wondering if, for you, it actually adds to the difficulty that here in the Northern hemisphere, the weather is getting beautiful. It's such a contrast (sunshine, people outside enjoying life) to the wave of withdrawal. I'm not saying I don't want beautiful weather; I'm saying I want to feel okay enough to enjoy it!!!!!!!!! 2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever. 2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds. 2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better. Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.) "You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 18, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 18, 2018 3 hours ago, bromor said: Please know that I'm praying for you. You've got this. You can do it. It's not the journey you signed up for ~ but in the end, it will be beautiful & it will help others. Thanks as always, B. I can always count on you for a kind and supportive word. Much love back at ya. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 18, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 18, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, SkyBlue said: I'm wondering if, for you, it actually adds to the difficulty that here in the Northern hemisphere, the weather is getting beautiful. It's such a contrast (sunshine, people outside enjoying life) to the wave of withdrawal. I'm not saying I don't want beautiful weather; I'm saying I want to feel okay enough to enjoy it!!!!!!!!! Thanks for dropping by, Sky. I don't know -- kind of hard to say since we are in the middle of like a week straight of downpours. It doesn't look so beautiful right now (but I'm glad it's nice in Minnesota). I've often wondered about weather and, in particular, temperature and the impact it might have on all of this. I've never seen a strong correlation but I haven't really kept solid notes on it. But I definitely share the "I want to be enjoying like everyone else" sentiment. The feeling that the world is passing you by is pretty palpable at times. Best, Andy Edited May 18, 2018 by apace41 Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Mentor FarmGirlWorks Posted May 19, 2018 Mentor Share Posted May 19, 2018 5 hours ago, bubble said: I'm actually not all that (or not at all) interested in getting stronger or improved through this process. I just want to go through my simple day without so much pain. But something obviously wants to see us improved I resonated with this hard! Yeah, just a little less pain would be great; to go through this, we are all way strong! I empathize. I've had a long wave for several months but the emotions cycle through depression to anxiety to irritability to (today) tears and breaking down from stressors that are just run-of-the-mill. Sertraline is hard. Hang in there! Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017 Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017 Quit alcohol May 20, 2017 Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga "If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted May 19, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 19, 2018 14 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said: Sertraline is hard. Thanks for the visit, FGW. The hardest SSRI is the one that each of us is trying to get off and struggling with. In reality, the studies would suggest that Paxil and Effexor are the two worst, but personally I hate Sertraline with a passion! Anyway, hopefully things will get better for all of us soon. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Mentor FarmGirlWorks Posted May 19, 2018 Mentor Share Posted May 19, 2018 1 minute ago, apace41 said: The hardest SSRI is the one that each of us is trying to get off and struggling with. Good point (although I hate sertraline with a passion too 🙂 Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017 Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017 Quit alcohol May 20, 2017 Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga "If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols Link to comment
Moderator Frogie Posted May 25, 2018 Moderator Share Posted May 25, 2018 Hi Andy: I hope you have a nice long weekend where you can feel well and get some needed rest. Take care, Frogie xx PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience. Link to comment
bubbles Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I hate sertraline too... 2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012 January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg 2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg, July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg) 2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised probably on more like 1.8mg and poss mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4, continued monthly 10% drops until 1mg, then dropped 0.1mg monthly. May 2022,0.1mg, now dropping 0.01mg per week 29 August 2022 - first day of zero! My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/21/ Current: Armour Thyroid Link to comment
bromor Posted July 3, 2018 Share Posted July 3, 2018 Hello there friend. Just wanted to check in with you. How are you? On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 Thanks for checking in, B. I know you asked on your thread about sleep. It's been decent for the most part -- not as many "zero sleep" nights. Most of the time I've been sleeping about 6 hours + or -. Not very restorative but it's decent sleep I suppose. That's probably the one thing that's been an improvement as for the most part I've been in a really bad struggle for quite some time. Very symptomatic with what you and I would say seem to be very much the symptoms that are highlighted frequently on anxietycentre. I believe this is withdrawal-driven as opposed to garden-variety anxiety but the symptoms I experience are the ones highlighted on that site and this one: dizziness depersonalization and derealization body pain anxiety numbness and tingling and the list goes on but those are the most frequent. I don't want to go on too long as you were sweet to check in, but I'm reaching a point of very deep frustration. I wish there was something that could be done, but there really isn't much to do. Anyway, thanks again for checking in. Have a good 4th. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
wantrelief Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Hey Andy - I so wish there was something to be done too. I understand and empathize so much with your frustration. It is good news to hear about your sleep being better. I just wish the other things would improve as well. Thinking about you - WR. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg Link to comment
bromor Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 31 minutes ago, apace41 said: depersonalization and derealization body pain anxiety numbness and tingling That about sums up my biggest symptoms as well. The tingling has been in my lips & face for the past month. I did consult Dr Google ~ which promptly sent me into a Fear spiral. Not doing that again for sure!! Anyway, I understand the frustration. I wish I could do or say something to make it better.... all i can do is say that you are doing great. You will get through this & your body is healing. On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 1 hour ago, wantrelief said: Hey Andy - I so wish there was something to be done too. I understand and empathize so much with your frustration. It is good news to hear about your sleep being better. I just wish the other things would improve as well. Thinking about you - WR. Thanks, WR. You are a good person. I appreciate your well wishes and am pleased things are going well for you so far on this effort. I'm suffering from what Shep calls severe "battle fatigue." It's been a long road and there is no end in sight. I have to regroup for the next ascent of the mountain. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 1 hour ago, bromor said: That about sums up my biggest symptoms as well. The tingling has been in my lips & face for the past month. I did consult Dr Google ~ which promptly sent me into a Fear spiral. Not doing that again for sure!! I didn't realize you were still so symptomatic, B. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry Dr. Google led you down the scary path. That's how it works. Thanks for being a good friend. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
wantrelief Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 1 hour ago, apace41 said: I'm suffering from what Shep calls severe "battle fatigue." It's been a long road and there is no end in sight. I have to regroup for the next ascent of the mountain This process is absolutely exhausting. I know you've mentioned you don't get real windows and I think that makes it even harder as we can't sense any progress or feel like there is a light at the end of this very infinite feeling tunnel. I know you don't feel particularly victorious at the moment but from my perspective you have come so far. You never know when things could change for you, Andy. I have no doubt you will make that final ascent. -1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD) -10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot -Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram -Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015 -8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?) - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg). Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin Citalopram taper: 2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg; 3/29/24: 1.17 mg; 4/5/24: 1.14 mg; 4/13/24: 1.11 mg; 4/20/24: 1.09 mg Link to comment
bubbles Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Quote I'm suffering from what Shep calls severe "battle fatigue." It's been a long road and there is no end in sight. I have to regroup for the next ascent of the mountain I think I'm in this situation too. I'm at 8.1mg. It's been four years to get here, and there is no end in sight. Are you on 11.8mg of sertraline? 2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012 January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg 2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg, July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg) 2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised probably on more like 1.8mg and poss mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4, continued monthly 10% drops until 1mg, then dropped 0.1mg monthly. May 2022,0.1mg, now dropping 0.01mg per week 29 August 2022 - first day of zero! My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/21/ Current: Armour Thyroid Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 6 hours ago, wantrelief said: I know you don't feel particularly victorious at the moment but from my perspective you have come so far. You never know when things could change for you, Andy. I have no doubt you will make that final ascent. Thanks so much, WR. I'm feeling very low these days and I appreciate your care and concern. Hope you have a nice 4th. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 6 hours ago, bubbles said: I think I'm in this situation too. I'm at 8.1mg. It's been four years to get here, and there is no end in sight. Are you on 11.8mg of sertraline? I actually just did another small reduction, Bubbles, and am at 11.6mg. We are in VERY similar situations as far as our Sertraline tapers, up to and including a calculation error at roughly the same level and larger cuts to get from 100mg to 50mg. You have the "advantage" of not having tapered a benzo immediately prior to the A/D taper which is something of a "wildcard" as I'm never sure what that might be causing in the mix (even though the taper ended 3.5 years ago it's never a sure thing). But, with respect to the A/D, we seem to be peas in a pod! I need to go read your thread more fully and follow you. Thanks for visiting. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
bubbles Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Quote We are in VERY similar situations as far as our Sertraline tapers, up to and including a calculation error at roughly the same level and larger cuts to get from 100mg to 50mg. I've mostly been okay because I have had such long holds. Basically, I'm now tired of it and I'm ready for it to be over, but I have to regroup a bit. It's hard when it looks like it should be so close. 2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012 January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg 2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg, July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg) 2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised probably on more like 1.8mg and poss mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4, continued monthly 10% drops until 1mg, then dropped 0.1mg monthly. May 2022,0.1mg, now dropping 0.01mg per week 29 August 2022 - first day of zero! My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/21/ Current: Armour Thyroid Link to comment
bromor Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 14 hours ago, apace41 said: didn't realize you were still so symptomatic, B. I'm sorry. I’m honestly not symptomatic all the time. I had a good 2 months of no symptoms. But when they decide to visit ~ this is how I feel. Its ok though. We are all healing. And I’m celebrating that you’re sleeping! 😴 On Zoloft for 10 years (50 mg) for GAD & panic attacks Weaned off fall of 2013, terrible set back in Feb '14 back on 100 mg & trazadone to sleep. Did CT off of Zoloft in May 2014 - bad decision! Back on 50 mg Zoloft & Xanax as needed (was upped to 75 mg by doctor in Feb 2015) Started to wean off of Zoloft in April 2015 ~ totally off Zoloft in Oct 2015 and now am on Buspar 11.25 mg to help. I was on a 50 mg pill & 25 mg pill - I cut the 25 mg pill in half (12.5) and took that with the 50 for 6 weeks - 1st week June 2015 50 mg for another 6 weeks. 25 mg in half and the 50 mg in half (37.5), 25 mg mid Sept for about 2 weeks.,1/2 of the 25 mg last week of Sept/1st week of Oct then off. Update** 9 mg Zoloft reinstated early Nov 15, along with 1.5 mg Buspar daily. On .50 of Buspar & 9 mg of Zoloft. Oct '16 - off of Buspar, Nov '16 - down to 7.5 mg Zoloft. March'17 - 4 mg Zoloft. July'17 - 2 mg, Sept 1 mg. Oct'17 - off! Done! I also take magnesium, L theanine, Gaba Calm, L Glutamine, Vit B complex(for methyl issues), Liver & Gall bladder support, Zinc, Whole Food Vit C & Fish Oil. DARE & the bible are the tools I use to help navigate this process. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 49 minutes ago, bromor said: I’m honestly not symptomatic all the time. I had a good 2 months of no symptoms. That's good to hear, B. 49 minutes ago, bromor said: We are all healing. Have to believe that -- even when it doesn' t feel like it! 50 minutes ago, bromor said: And I’m celebrating that you’re sleeping! Well, ain't nobody gunna mix me up with ol' Rip Van Winkle, but it beats the heck out of 48 and 72 hours in a row without any sleep! Enjoy your 4th! Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 4, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 4, 2018 6 hours ago, bubbles said: I've mostly been okay because I have had such long holds. You are still fortunate. I've done PLENTY of long holds and it hasn't really made much of a difference that I've seen. 6 hours ago, bubbles said: It's hard when it looks like it should be so close. Just be careful with the "fool's gold". It's never as close as it seems. Slow and steady and stay smart. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
bubbles Posted July 4, 2018 Share Posted July 4, 2018 Quote You are still fortunate. I've done PLENTY of long holds and it hasn't really made much of a difference that I've seen. Yes, I've been very lucky. 2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012 January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg 2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg, July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg) 2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised probably on more like 1.8mg and poss mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4, continued monthly 10% drops until 1mg, then dropped 0.1mg monthly. May 2022,0.1mg, now dropping 0.01mg per week 29 August 2022 - first day of zero! My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/21/ Current: Armour Thyroid Link to comment
Moderator Frogie Posted July 30, 2018 Moderator Share Posted July 30, 2018 Hi: Just wanted to stop by and say hi while I was here. I hope you are doing well. Take care, Frogie xx PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 31, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 31, 2018 Thanks, Frogie. I appreciate your interest. I'm glad you doing so well with your taper! Always figured you would be one who would see great improvement as you got off -- glad to see it coming true. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Frogie Posted July 31, 2018 Moderator Share Posted July 31, 2018 19 hours ago, apace41 said: Thanks, Frogie. I appreciate your interest. I'm glad you doing so well with your taper! Always figured you would be one who would see great improvement as you got off -- glad to see it coming true. Best, Andy Thanks Andy: I wouldn't be in this position without you. And I'm sure I will need you in the future. Hope you are doing well... Take care, Frogie xx PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist. Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form) ---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil. Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper. 19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020) I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience. Link to comment
Athena Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Hey Andy, I'm glad you're sleeping better, thats really good. Sorry about the other symtpoms. My sleep is still very very bad. I had to change my thyroid meds and it destabilised me. I hope I can stabilise soon and sleep again. Some days I think I will never sleep a decent night again... Healing thoughts for you, Athena xx 2000-2001: Effexor 2005-2012: Celexa, Zoloft, Effexor, desipramin, Wellbutrin, mirtazepin, Lamictal, Remeron, Abilify, nortriptylin, Cipralex, Cymbalta, and others I don't remember. Really bad side effects to all. Sept-Nov 2012: Paxil 20mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Imovane 5mg Nov 2012: Paxil 20mg --> 10mg Dec 2012: Paxil 10mg-->0; 1 week later: HUGE WD symptoms. Started to get informed on the internet and back to 10mg Paxil. Dec 2012-Jan 2013: Paxil 10mg, Wellbutrin 100mg, Imovane 2.5mg End Jan 2013: P 9mg, W 100mg, I 2.0mg Feb 2013: P 8mg, W 100mg, I 1.5mg April 2013: P 7mg, W 100mg, I 1.25mg May 2013: P 7mg, W 90mg, I 1mg June 2013: P 7mg, W 80mg, I 0mg July 1/2013: P 7, W 70 July 22/2013: P 7, W 60 Aug 2013: P 7, W 50 Sept 2013: P 6.1, W 50 Oct 2013: P up to 6.3, W 50 Nov 2013: P 6.2 to 5.9, W 50 Dec 2013: P 5.9, W 40 Jan 2014: P 5.3, W40 Feb 2014: P 5.3, W 30 March-April 2014: P 5.3, W 26 May 2014: P 5.3, W 20 June 2014: P 5.3 W 15 July 2014: P 5.3, W 14 Aug 2014: P 5.3, W up to 15 Sept 2014: P 5.3, W 14 Oct 2014: P 4.8, W 14 Nov 2014: P 4.3, W 14 Dec 2014-Jan 2015: P 3.9, W 14 Feb 2015: P 3.9, W 12 March 2015: P 3.6, W 12 April-May 2015: P 3.3, W 12 June 2015: P 3.3, W 10 July 2015: P 3.3, W 8 Aug-Sept 2015: P 3.3, W 6 Oct 2015: P 3.0, W 6 Nov 2015: P 2.7, W 6 Dec 2015: P 2.4, W 6 Jan-Feb 2016: P 2.4, W 5 March 2016: P 2.2, W 5 April 2016: P 2.2, W 4 May-June 2016: P 2.2, W 3 July 2016: P 2.2, W 2 Aug 2016: P 2.2, W 1 Sept 2016: P 2.2, W 0!! Oct 2016: P 2.0 Nov 2016-Jan 2017: P 1.8 Feb-Mar 2017: P 1.9 April-May 2017: P 1.8 June 2017: P 1.6 July-Dec 2017: P 1.5 Jan-April 2018: P 1.6 Others: Cytomel 25mcg (thyroid), vit. C, vit D, Omega-3 fish oil, Magnesium bisglycinate , Melatonin 1mg, 81mg Aspirin, Milk peptides, L-theanine, Valericalm tincture mix, scullcap tincture, Suan Zao Ren (jujube seeds) Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Gridley Posted August 4, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 4, 2018 (edited) Andy, I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts and Light (whatever that may be for any of us) your way. Edited August 4, 2018 by Gridley Gridley Introduction Lexapro 20 mg since 2004. Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017. End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg Oct. 30, 2020 Jump to zero from 0.025mg. Current dose: 0.000mg 3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete. Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium End 2021 year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper. Taper is 95% complete. Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986. Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper. Current dose as of April 1: 6.8mg Taper is 91% complete. Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 5, 2018 10 hours ago, Athena said: Healing thoughts for you, Thanks, Athena. I PM'd you on the sleep stuff. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 5, 2018 3 hours ago, Gridley said: Andy, I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts and Light (whatever that may be for any of us) your way. Thanks, Gridley. That's really nice of you and I greatly appreciate your thoughts. Hope you are well. Best, Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Sertramean Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 Hi Andy, What does a regular day look like these days? Are you still functioning? Do you think the real healing will come when you're off the drugs completely? Seroxat 30mg (January 1998 > till started taper April 2013 > off completely July 2013) this was about my fourth attempt. Prozac 40mg ( July 2013 - Feb 2014) Sertraline 75mg (Feb 2014- started taper Feb 2015 - off May 2015) Mirtazapine - 7.5mg for 2 weeks - 3.75mg one week - 2mg one week (December'15 - Jan 16) Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted September 14, 2018 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 14, 2018 (edited) 8 hours ago, Sertramean said: What does a regular day look like these days? Are you still functioning? Do you think the real healing will come when you're off the drugs completely? Sert, Thanks for stopping by. Your kind inquiry has now led me to do what I've held off doing for some time, which is an update, but you've given me a framework for the update so thank you. A regular day: During the week I continue at my job where I function pretty well as the sole lawyer for my real estate development company. The work is challenging and requires a high level of cognition so I am grateful I have been able to maintain that level. I'm not where I'd want to be and I have to do less of the "extras" I would do if I were not dealing with my health issues, but as for my core function I seem to be doing well enough to be favorably reviewed and treated well financially. I usually wake early -- like 5 or 5:30 although I dutifully set my alarm for 6 in the hopes that one day I will sleep to the alarm. When I get up I take my younger puppy out and feed her (the older one sleeps in bed and likes to sleep in) and then I shower, have breakfast and get on the road. I have a long commute of between 50 minutes and an hour 15 to work which adds stress but I try to be productive during that time. Typical work day is from 7 when I leave the house until 6:30 or 7 when I return home. I try to get in at least one 15-20 minute walk during the day and try to get in a 10-15 minute meditation but some days I'm better than others at complying. When I arrive home it's dinner, some television (whatever sporting event is on usually), some interaction with my wife regarding family matters, finances, etc. and then its bedtime around 10:30 or 11. I try to wind down some but I'm not very good at it and my sleep angst sometimes keeps me from going to bed at the "right" time (or a game going late might keep me up). Most nights I sleep around 5-6 hours with an awakening that leads to the bathroom. I rarely am able to go back to sleep once I awaken. Every so often I will have a night where I know that I'm going to struggle to sleep -- just a feeling that comes over me -- and I will try but then go to one of the empty bedrooms with my iPad and try to sleep and/or watch a show. Sometimes this throws me into an insomnia loop where I am up for a couple of nights in a row before a crash night where I am able to sleep and things reset. This happens on a monthly or bi-monthly basis, perhaps -- it varies a lot. On the weekends, I try to rest but family obligations have a tendency of getting in the way of that. My wife is not particularly supportive of my situation and, given a strong "people-pleasing" personality, I have gone to great lengths to keep things "status quo" and not "upset the applecart." As such, I do all the things a "normal" person would do, but when given the option of "opting out" I will usually do so in favor of being on the couch and watching TV (e.g., she wants to go to a movie but I suggest she go with a friend as I have 'work to do' or other excuses). My three daughters all know something about what is going on and are sympathetic, but I have always placed them on a pedestal and if they have needs I still attempt to take care of things for them. They are all out of the house at this point so those obligations are fewer and farther between. It is not particularly comfortable for me to socialize because the dp/dr is pretty high at times, so I beg off when I can but do it when that is not an option. I usually do pretty well by reminding myself to be present and really focusing on the face of the person I'm talking to in order to break down some of the defenses and "override" the detachment. My symptom set is wide and varied and tends to come in rotation where things bother me sequentially rather than all at once. Key at this point is: dizziness -- I constantly feel off-balance and have the sensation of "walking on a trampoline" or words to that effect. It waxes and wanes but never really goes away fully. Research and doctors would suggest this falls in the category of PPPD where the brain is not processing the inputs properly and there is a misfiring/mismatch between input and response. It is a frequent effect of anxiety and chronic stress where the sympathetic nervous system has become locked in fight or flight. It's annoying as hell. dp/dr -- This is a symptom that also waxes and wanes but lately has been waxing too much. The constant sense of being outside myself and detached is very challenging and, at times, can get so bad as to have me momentarily feeling unfamiliar with familiar surroundings burning mouth/tongue -- a periodic sense of the mouth being "on fire" and needing to chew gum or suck on a mint to quell the sensation -- this has been somewhat better the past couple of days, thankfully health anxiety -- I get myriad pains in the chest, left arm/shoulder, neck, head and, in light of my father's medical history, I have significant fear of a cardiovascular event -- all this in the face of much testing to the contrary. I have been working on several CBT programs to address this fear and I've seen some improvement but it still rears its ugly head way too frequently body pain -- in addition to the pains in the preceding bullet, my hips are horribly painful and restricted (some of it is arthritis but the physical therapists have said the pain is disproportionate to the damage), pains in my arms, legs, teeth, etc. Pretty much any part of me can hurt from time to time. If I went to a doctor they'd say "Fibromyalgia" andload me up with Lyrica! Insomnia (see above) Depression -- I regularly suffer from some degree of low mood but, in light of the fact that I'm dealing with all of the foregoing, it is probably a reasonable response rather than a separate issue Anhedonia -- coupled with the depression I have absolutely nothing that I do that makes me really and truly happy -- some of this may be due to the fact that athletics were always my "go to" and I am so limited by my hips, but there is also an element of just not feeling like anything "rings the bell" anymore Anxiety -- I get waves of anxiety (other than just health) that come over me for no apparent reason and which feel very "chemical" in nature. This could well be the "dumping" of chemicals as the body reacts to outside stressors and tries to "right the ship." That's a decent recitation of the key issues I feel on a day-to-day basis. It's not all bad and I manage my way through the days continuing to function. I do, however, find myself hyper-focused on how I am feeling and wondering when/if I will start to see real improvement. As to whether I think the "real healing" will come when I'm off the drug, I always believed and really hoped that as you started to reduce and signaled to the body to "upregulate" the serotonin receptors that at some point the body would "catch up" and you would see healing to a certain degree prior to being off the meds in total. Once at this state of homeostasis, you could cut, feel badly for a while, recover to baseline and then cut again. That theory sounds really good and I think some people have that experience. I'm disheartened that my long holds have not resulted in that kind of equilibrium so far for me. So, I DO wonder if it will be only after I get off the meds that I will see that "healing is happening." I have to believe that it is happening now, beneath the surface, in a way I can't detect. It's too depressing to me to think healing doesn't start until I'm off the meds. I still have a ways to go and I'm starting to think about switching strategies and going from a hold to a set schedule taper where I reduce regardless of how I feel and just suffer any consequences. It's very hard to decide. I don't see myself going cold turkey but I really do want to get off the meds. I confess, however, to feeling rather "frozen" and "trapped" with the fear that comes from having seen too many horror stories of people who "went too fast." In any event, this has gotten WAY too long, but, Sert, you asked (I know, not for this much!). Again, my heartiest congratulations to you. Best, Andy Edited September 14, 2018 by apace41 Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Sertramean Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 An eloquent response Andy and it's brilliant that you still function (at a high level) in spite of all this withdrawal BS. I think that's the pay-off for some. Go really slow and maintain a level of functionality or jump and take the risk that recovery will come quicker but that non-functionality is a given for a period of time. That's just a theory and isn't advice to anyone. I think you are right to be cautious as you have responsibilities at home and work. Timescale-wise when do you envisage jumping off? Another way of looking at your withdrawal (as you alluded to) is that you are suffering all the symptoms now as you taper and that once off the drugs these could very quickly resolve themselves. Maybe your struggle will be the getting off of them, rather than the horror that can come after the achievement. For comparison I found it easy to come off them. Even the first 3 months off were ok (even a bit hyper and enjoyable) I just hadn't factored in the time-delay 😦It's not like I didn't know what was coming either, I'd tried to get off Seroxat/Paxil a gazillion times and always ended up covered to the elbows in **** creek 😨. It's just very hard to judge and difficult to second-guess. I treated it like a nervous breakdown in the end, safe in the knowledge that millions had been through it since the dawn of time and recovered. It's a shame that your wife doesn't understand. My family thought I'd lost the plot (I had to be fair) and even now it isn't spoken about. I no longer care. This is a journey we have to make alone. If it was a heroin withdrawal we would be listened to a lot more. That's the beauty of this forum, the members actually understand. Anyway, you'll get there. All this will be a distant memory one day. Seroxat 30mg (January 1998 > till started taper April 2013 > off completely July 2013) this was about my fourth attempt. Prozac 40mg ( July 2013 - Feb 2014) Sertraline 75mg (Feb 2014- started taper Feb 2015 - off May 2015) Mirtazapine - 7.5mg for 2 weeks - 3.75mg one week - 2mg one week (December'15 - Jan 16) Link to comment
Martina23 Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 1 hour ago, apace41 said: Sert, Thanks for stopping by. Your kind inquiry has now led me to do what I've held off doing for some time, which is an update, but you've given me a framework for the update so thank you. A regular day: During the week I continue at my job where I function pretty well as the sole lawyer for my real estate development company. The work is challenging and requires a high level of cognition so I am grateful I have been able to maintain that level. I'm not where I'd want to be and I have to do less of the "extras" I would do if I were not dealing with my health issues, but as for my core function I seem to be doing well enough to be favorably reviewed and treated well financially. I usually wake early -- like 5 or 5:30 although I dutifully set my alarm for 6 in the hopes that one day I will sleep to the alarm. When I get up I take my younger puppy out and feed her (the older one sleeps in bed and likes to sleep in) and then I shower, have breakfast and get on the road. I have a long commute of between 50 minutes and an hour 15 to work which adds stress but I try to be productive during that time. Typical work day is from 7 when I leave the house until 6:30 or 7 when I return home. I try to get in at least one 15-20 minute walk during the day and try to get in a 10-15 minute meditation but some days I'm better than others at complying. When I arrive home it's dinner, some television (whatever sporting event is on usually), some interaction with my wife regarding family matters, finances, etc. and then its bedtime around 10:30 or 11. I try to wind down some but I'm not very good at it and my sleep angst sometimes keeps me from going to bed at the "right" time (or a game going late might keep me up). Most nights I sleep around 5-6 hours with an awakening that leads to the bathroom. I rarely am able to go back to sleep once I awaken. Every so often I will have a night where I know that I'm going to struggle to sleep -- just a feeling that comes over me -- and I will try but then go to one of the empty bedrooms with my iPad and try to sleep and/or watch a show. Sometimes this throws me into an insomnia loop where I am up for a couple of nights in a row before a crash night where I am able to sleep and things reset. This happens on a monthly or bi-monthly basis, perhaps -- it varies a lot. On the weekends, I try to rest but family obligations have a tendency of getting in the way of that. My wife is not particularly supportive of my situation and, given a strong "people-pleasing" personality, I have gone to great lengths to keep things "status quo" and not "upset the applecart." As such, I do all the things a "normal" person would do, but when given the option of "opting out" I will usually do so in favor of being on the couch and watching TV (e.g., she wants to go to a movie but I suggest she go with a friend as I have 'work to do' or other excuses). My three daughters all know something about what is going on and are sympathetic, but I have always placed them on a pedestal and if they have needs I still attempt to take care of things for them. They are all out of the house at this point so those obligations are fewer and farther between. It is not particularly comfortable for me to socialize because the dp/dr is pretty high at times, so I beg off when I can but do it when that is not an option. I usually do pretty well by reminding myself to be present and really focusing on the face of the person I'm talking to in order to break down some of the defenses and "override" the detachment. My symptom set is wide and varied and tends to come in rotation where things bother me sequentially rather than all at once. Key at this point is: dizziness -- I constantly feel off-balance and have the sensation of "walking on a trampoline" or words to that effect. It waxes and wanes but never really goes away fully. Research and doctors would suggest this falls in the category of PPPD where the brain is not processing the inputs properly and there is a misfiring/mismatch between input and response. It is a frequent effect of anxiety and chronic stress where the sympathetic nervous system has become locked in fight or flight. It's annoying as hell. dp/dr -- This is a symptom that also waxes and wanes but lately has been waxing too much. The constant sense of being outside myself and detached is very challenging and, at times, can get so bad as to have me momentarily feeling unfamiliar with familiar surroundings burning mouth/tongue -- a periodic sense of the mouth being "on fire" and needing to chew gum or suck on a mint to quell the sensation -- this has been somewhat better the past couple of days, thankfully health anxiety -- I get myriad pains in the chest, left arm/shoulder, neck, head and, in light of my father's medical history, I have significant fear of a cardiovascular event -- all this in the face of much testing to the contrary. I have been working on several CBT programs to address this fear and I've seen some improvement but it still rears its ugly head way too frequently body pain -- in addition to the pains in the preceding bullet, my hips are horribly painful and restricted (some of it is arthritis but the physical therapists have said the pain is disproportionate to the damage), pains in my arms, legs, teeth, etc. Pretty much any part of me can hurt from time to time. If I went to a doctor they'd say "Fibromyalgia" andload me up with Lyrica! Insomnia (see above) Depression -- I regularly suffer from some degree of low mood but, in light of the fact that I'm dealing with all of the foregoing, it is probably a reasonable response rather than a separate issue Anhedonia -- coupled with the depression I have absolutely nothing that I do that makes me really and truly happy -- some of this may be due to the fact that athletics were always my "go to" and I am so limited by my hips, but there is also an element of just not feeling like anything "rings the bell" anymore Anxiety -- I get waves of anxiety (other than just health) that come over me for no apparent reason and which feel very "chemical" in nature. This could well be the "dumping" of chemicals as the body reacts to outside stressors and tries to "right the ship." That's a decent recitation of the key issues I feel on a day-to-day basis. It's not all bad and I manage my way through the days continuing to function. I do, however, find myself hyper-focused on how I am feeling and wondering when/if I will start to see real improvement. As to whether I think the "real healing" will come when I'm off the drug, I always believed and really hoped that as you started to reduce and signaled to the body to "upregulate" the serotonin receptors that at some point the body would "catch up" and you would see healing to a certain degree prior to being off the meds in total. Once at this state of homeostasis, you could cut, feel badly for a while, recover to baseline and then cut again. That theory sounds really good and I think some people have that experience. I'm disheartened that my long holds have not resulted in that kind of equilibrium so far for me. So, I DO wonder if it will be only after I get off the meds that I will see that "healing is happening." I have to believe that it is happening now, beneath the surface, in a way I can't detect. It's too depressing to me to think healing doesn't start until I'm off the meds. I still have a ways to go and I'm starting to think about switching strategies and going from a hold to a set schedule taper where I reduce regardless of how I feel and just suffer any consequences. It's very hard to decide. I don't see myself going cold turkey but I really do want to get off the meds. I confess, however, to feeling rather "frozen" and "trapped" with the fear that comes from having seen too many horror stories of people who "went too fast." In any event, this has gotten WAY too long, but, Sert, you asked (I know, not for this much!). Again, my heartiest congratulations to you. Best, Andy Andy, I really do think you are healing in the time you taper your meds. However, so long you take the drug in any amount it is changing your brain chemistry as a side effect. Therefore you can not see now how much you really healed. So how much you really healed, you find once off the drug. This all anxiety, DR ... etc can be also only side effect of the drug not necessarily your body. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
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