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The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

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ShakeyJerr

 

 

I find myself waking around 5am also, Bluebird. I used to love mornings. I was always a relatively early riser. I loved being awake before my wife and kids and just relaxing with some reading. Now mornings are a trial for me. 1 of the things I do is try to float through my anxiety instead of fight it. It's the Claire Weekes approach. 

 

Read more here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10964-the-dr-claire-weekes-method-of-recovering-from-a-sensitized-nervous-system/

 

And breath!

 

SJ

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Pepita

I can fully confirm the describes waves and windows pattern. Luckily I documented a few month going into WD and when I feel

horroble again and tend to think that this will never end and never gets any better I read some

of my old logs ans can defenitely see an overall improvement. Still I get very frustrated from

time to time when symptoms worsen and I get this feeling of losing so mich time and "wasting" so many years with this very upsetting circumstances. I am about 1,5 years off drugs now. My windows became longer, but my waves are also still quite long-lasting. After going into WS I felt abaolutely horrible for about 6-8 months straight with only hours or days of uplifting. then I had a longer window for 3 months since then its more wavy again and I am sort of desperately waiting for my next window. What I find most upsetting is the total intolerance to ANY sort of stress- be it physical exercise, work or private/family issues. The smalles issues are like huuuuge rocks in my way and I am always hoping that nothing major stressful will soon cross my way. I know no two persons and healing time is the same but among those who have been in longterm protracted withdrawal - does this get sort of significantly better after 3-5 years of waves/windows? or do you aaaaaalways have to walk like on egg shells?

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Nena59

 

Thanks guys,

I wish there was a way to get the cortisol out of my system! I hate this.

I also get tingling in my legs and I'm pretty shaky in the morning. I used to love to sleep...sometimes nine hours a night.

Hi Nena59, I'm glad to talk to someone how has came off long term Prozac. I am 10mtha off now and have awful anxiety and tingling, I wake at 5am every morning with crippling anxiety. I would like to start my med again to get rid of this but my system has became so sensitised that I can't tolerate even a tiny dose. Please keep me up to date on how you cope and any methods for the anxiety. I'm having acupuncture which is keeping me health but not helping anxiety. I had reflexology on Fri and was really ill with flu type aches and pain yesterday but that has gone today. Take care. xx

 

Hey Blue bird,

I have a new counselor and he gets all this! He even explained to me how the brain is trying to heal!

Anyway, he got me involved in mediation. There is a free and awesome course called palousemindfullness.com. I have had pretty bad anxiety and after doing this for 5 weeks I think it has helped. I can breathe through the worse most of the time and bring myself out of it. I hope this helps.

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Nena59

I can fully confirm the describes waves and windows pattern. Luckily I documented a few month going into WD and when I feel

horroble again and tend to think that this will never end and never gets any better I read some

of my old logs ans can defenitely see an overall improvement. Still I get very frustrated from

time to time when symptoms worsen and I get this feeling of losing so mich time and "wasting" so many years with this very upsetting circumstances. I am about 1,5 years off drugs now. My windows became longer, but my waves are also still quite long-lasting. After going into WS I felt abaolutely horrible for about 6-8 months straight with only hours or days of uplifting. then I had a longer window for 3 months since then its more wavy again and I am sort of desperately waiting for my next window. What I find most upsetting is the total intolerance to ANY sort of stress- be it physical exercise, work or private/family issues. The smalles issues are like huuuuge rocks in my way and I am always hoping that nothing major stressful will soon cross my way. I know no two persons and healing time is the same but among those who have been in longterm protracted withdrawal - does this get sort of significantly better after 3-5 years of waves/windows? or do you aaaaaalways have to walk like on egg shells?

Pepita,

I am the same way. I have been waving a lot lately. I'm not as bad or good as in the recent past, I'm more not getting the highs and lows. I get into a window, weak, but a window just the same and something that should be a little stressful comes up and wham, a drop in mood and anxiety. I feel like I should be in a mattress filled room. I'm off for 7 months.

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Pepita

Hi Nena59, I tried to quote but somehow I always end up quoting everything, including my original Text that you quoted so I am going to stick with @Nena for now:D
wow 20 years of medication (what is it SSRI?) ..that is really a very long time. Off 7 months, congratulations! Even if it feels really horrible - I came to the conclusion that it´s still better if you´re not poisoning your system any more.
I just wished that the healing process would be easier. And more consistent. A few weeks ago I even went to so some freelance work in another office (another than my own where I can luckily work from most of the time)...and now I feel like being back on ground zero.
I mostly stay very positive but DAMN THIS SUCKS! Had to be said once :))

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Nena59

Hi Nena59, I tried to quote but somehow I always end up quoting everything, including my original Text that you quoted so I am going to stick with @Nena for now:D

wow 20 years of medication (what is it SSRI?) ..that is really a very long time. Off 7 months, congratulations! Even if it feels really horrible - I came to the conclusion that it´s still better if you´re not poisoning your system any more.

I just wished that the healing process would be easier. And more consistent. A few weeks ago I even went to so some freelance work in another office (another than my own where I can luckily work from most of the time)...and now I feel like being back on ground zero.

I mostly stay very positive but DAMN THIS SUCKS! Had to be said once :))

Pepita, 

So sorry you are not well now.

I took prozac and wellbrutrin. I don't think that I ever really needed them either. I was going through a really tough time in my life and I just needed to ride it out, but I took what I thought was the easy way out. I knew other people that took anti-depressants at the time and just figured that they were safe.

I am really trying to stay positive, thanks for the reminder. :D

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Pepita

@Nena - same here... I was going through a rough time, both personally and professionally. And it was hard- but nothing, not even close to the hell of withdrawal. Also Inwas inteoduced to SSRI at the age of 18 by a GP after a 10 minutes talk- due to mild panic attacks (which didn't hinder me at my studies), so I sort of was used to dealing with mental issues with medication. This wave came on so strong because my 13 year old cat was diagnosed with a huge tumor and will probably die rather sooner than later. This is a sad situation of course but the way this is hitting me is very very "withdrawal-style" :( and it reminds me of how far I'm still away from being 100% healed.

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Jennifer78

I'm co confused about windows and waves. Are windows when you feel healed or when symptoms aren't as bad as the waves? I'm trying to figure out if I've experienced any windows. I know exactly what the waves are, just curious about the definition of windows. I have not experienced a time yet when I feel healed but I've had a few short experiences when the symptoms aren't as bad as they normally are. I might have already asked about this but my memory is awful. Any input is greatly appreciated.

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Nena59

Jennifer,

Windows happen when you feel better for a time...almost back to normal. I have a hard time with them sometimes, I'm afraid they will go away! Waves are 2/3 of my day lately. I feel anxious sometimes, depressed sometimes, low energy, sad :(. I am just so tired of this! I read the success stories when i get too down. You will get better! Your brain is healing right now!

Nena

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miT

Learning how to protect your nervous system from abrasive people is a good skill to learn and will serve you well in the long run.Being pushed to take care of ourselves is, I guess you could say, one of the benefits of this awful condition.

You hit the nail on the head there. We just have no other option than to take matters in our own hands. After all the drug ain't doing it anymore.

 

I definitely escaped my imagined disney-like world by direct confrontation with my suffering. The only problem is that I'm so sensitive in this wd process that I tend to overreact or overprotect. In some situations when I perhaps mistakenly feel offended I'm one of these abrasive people towards others, and that's not who I want to be. That knife between my teeth is really wearing me out.

 

But I get better at distrusting my own mind's interpretations. Unfortunately it's only after creating a fire that I find the waterhose.

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powerback
On 2017-5-29 at 7:50 PM, miT said:

You hit the nail on the head there. We just have no other option than to take matters in our own hands. After all the drug ain't doing it anymore.

 

I definitely escaped my imagined disney-like world by direct confrontation with my suffering. The only problem is that I'm so sensitive in this wd process that I tend to overreact or overprotect. In some situations when I perhaps mistakenly feel offended I'm one of these abrasive people towards others, and that's not who I want to be. That knife between my teeth is really wearing me out.

 

But I get better at distrusting my own mind's interpretations. Unfortunately it's only after creating a fire that I find the waterhose.

This is so true for myself also mit I'm getting much better at looking out for the demon in my head

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btdt

I have come to learn that in part some of these bad moods ect call them what you want demond in your head ect melt downs... for me are caused by sensitivities to things in the environment.  I would never have suspected such a thing and would never have guessed that the same things that can put me in bed tired could also cause an extreme mood change cognitive issues ect ect ect....

 

if you know me you know I have been limping along for 10 years and suffering drug reactions food intolerances since going cold turkey... doctor assisted... long and old story...

 

for years I would have blood pressure spikes ... swollen red eyes .... dizzy spells... so many things... 

 

At one point during this process I avoided having a shower as I lost my stability in the shower yet I could not join the dots I just went backwards in  my healing after a shower... I was dirty... I thought it was the water the heat the cold the wet... everything the exertion on my nervous system by temp changes... so many things just plain old broken by wd... 

 

It was the saop... the chlorine in the water.... who knows what else.  

 

I was reacting badly to soap and did not figure it out until I got really really sick... I have since been diagnosed with multiple chemical sensitivity and have come to know more. 

 

I have had a melt down mentally emotionally from febreeze... wood being cut for construction... perfume... you name it the list seems to be endless. 

Avoiding these things is no easy task but is supposedly part of how one could heal from this curse. 

 

I have learned I can have a horrid reaction to a chemical that I cannot smell... scent free products for me are still dangerous. 

 

Difficult as it may be to sort out this is one idea I bet nobody has thought of.... before you have a melt down what did you eat... what was in your air.. were pesticides sprayed in your area?  

 

Putting a carbon filter in your home and finding products that don't set you off could make a big difference and may actually help your healing.  

 

For me I can only use nature clean soap and shampoo (unscented)... no I have not stock in the company and buy it at Loblaws no stock

there either...no fabtic softener or bleach...no tooth paste no deoderant... the list in endless of things I can't use or be around. 

If I am around a person who just had their hair dyed I will get sick... have a melt down... ect the list of types of reactions is almost as endless.... there is a thread on here about this if you want to read more.

 

changing or stopping products could make a difference in your healing....

one of these threads I can't recall which 

 

Hypersensitivity ... MCS video - In the media - Surviving Antidepressants

survivingantidepressants.org › Current events › In the media
  1.  
Jun 9, 2015 - your 18 x more likely to have MCS .... http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/content/33/5/971.full .... http://www.anapsid.org/cnd/mcs/bastienmcs.html ...

TILT Includes fibro and multiple chemical sensitivity - In the media ...

survivingantidepressants.org › Current events › In the media
  1.  
Feb 16, 2016 - 22 posts - ‎3 authors
So fibro pain mood for me was mostly pain pain pain... mcs... well self ...... Published: August 13, 2013; http://dx.doi.org/10...al.pone.0073708.

Chemical Sensitivity - Surviving Antidepressants

survivingantidepressants.org › Support › Symptoms and self-care
  1.  
  2.  
Aug 19, 2013 - 33 posts - ‎17 authors
http://www.ewg.org/g...e=1&per_page=15 ... Some of us have this MCS I found this bit defining and describing what is going down when we are ...

Limbic Kindling -- Hardwiring the brain for hypersensitivity - In the ...

survivingantidepressants.org › Current events › In the media
  1.  
  2.  
Apr 18, 2014 - Republished text on Healthrising [dot] org: Limbic Kindling ..... http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11355-tilt-includes-fibro- ... Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) is a Limbic System condition brought on by .

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Pepita

wooooow that sounds horrendous! And since you've adapdet your lifestyle as far as possible to all these allergy- demands ... you are significantly feeling better?

Edited by scallywag
deleted quote of immediately previous post

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Mourad
On 8/11/2016 at 8:12 PM, RockSie said:

Yes zando. There was a time where my windows and waves switched per minute.

 

This is good to hear. I cycle up and down so quickly and erratically, it's hard to distinguish between windows and waves. I can feel perfectly okay one minute, then drown the next. Symptoms move in and out, increase and decrease. Sometimes it's one day up, the next day down. It's so exhausting. 

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Pepita

Hi everyone:) Recently I found a very representative sketch of the WD path to recovery;) Hope it makes you smile as well

2017-06-06-PHOTO-00000315.jpg

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Happy2Heal

hahaha yes that's what it's like!!!

 

it sucks not being able to plan but then, in regular non WD life, this can be true a lot of the time as well

 

thanks for posting that!

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Gussy

How many of you fear a wave ending? Man i do.

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Pepita

hmmmm medium? of course I don't want a window to end but as I've experienced a few windows/waves by now I also know that the waves come to an end... but yes, I'd rather feel good than miserable

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Kittygiggles

I get that. Waves can have the appearance of being predictable and consistent, which is reassuring. When we start to enter a window it can be hard to trust it as they so often are shorter than waves, or in some cases so overwhelming as to be frightening. I realize that one of my biggest problems is having a fear of transitions. Maybe that's a common them in withdrawal for a subset of sufferers. Perhaps it's the hallmark of anxious people, to be more troubled by the transition from one to the other, in any direction, and to find any change difficult. 

 

I am in a window right now and I can feel the urge to just buy into denial and believe that this time the window is forever and I won't ever go through a bad wave again, only small, mild ones. Accepting that a wave will happen again is what gives me peace of mind, just as I must also accept that windows will happen to. Beyond that is the fact that for many people the cycle simply ends: we heal and can probably afford to forget all this every happened! :P

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Gussy

I'm so sorry, stupid me i meant to say "fear a window ending".

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Mourad

Thanks, Kittygiggles, for your wonderful insight. I think you're exactly right. The waves are one thing, the transitions quite another. The cycle from window to wave is just heartbreaking.

 

But my sense is that sometimes the windows are almost too good to be true. Sometimes they don't even feel like normal life, but as a kind of enhanced existence, as wondrous, magical life. Maybe that's simply because of sheer relief, but maybe there's something unreal about some windows as well. Perhaps the point is not so much that the waves in time  disappear to make way for one ongoing window, but rather that the waves and windows sort of integrate into regular imperfect existence. 

 

 

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Pepita
2 minutes ago, Mourad said:

Thanks, Kittygiggles, for your wonderful insight. I think you're exactly right. The waves are one thing, the transitions quite another. The cycle from window to wave is just heartbreaking.

 

But my sense is that sometimes the windows are almost too good to be true. Sometimes they don't even feel like normal life, but as a kind of enhanced existence, as wondrous, magical life. Maybe that's simply because of sheer relief, but maybe there's something unreal about some windows as well. Perhaps the point is not so much that the waves in time  disappear to make way for one ongoing window, but rather that the waves and windows sort of integrate into regular imperfect existence. 

 

 

 I think that´s really right on point! I think so too, real life is a kind of balance between windows and waves and it will all even out in time!

 

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Bridgetini

Thanks for all the great help here explaining about windows and waves. Alongside withdrawal from Mirt and contraceptives, I had gynaecological surgery 4 weeks ago. I have to remember to pace myself physically, emotionally, mentally. 

I have bookmarked this thread on my phone's home screen and put two new wallpapers on it to remind me: a Hokusai Japanese wave print and a Tiffany stained glass window. _20170801_094817.JPG.3f477e0c10e095dc22f76caca10c990d.JPG

Tsunami_by_hokusai_19th_century.jpg

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RainbowDbc

This is a very interesting and new way to appreciate what I go through. I am new at tapering..my last tapers were simply cold turkeys I had no idea what I was doing. Now that I have just one pill of lithium there have been moments where I feel lucid and "better" or symptom free...I guess these are windows. But most of the time it's expected to have waves or unexpected reactions. Any doctor would claim Im being bipolar but knowing that this will fade is very uplifting to know. Im wondering if once I am off all drugs for good how much time would it be to be completely normal? Will excercise and binging on healthy food be a plus that accelerates healing?  Also the neurotoxicity of lithium caused a constant emotionless perception pf life and I get excited just by thinking about how life would be once I started having lapses of emotion....this is a sign of break through for me. 

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Cheeky

Can I ask that when tapering how do you know to do your next drop in dose if your still getting windows and waves of withdrawal from your last drop. ?

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Nena59

Hi Cheeky,

I didn't taper properly. I didn't see this site until I was off of the drugs for a long time. I could have reinstated, but I didn't want to. My doctor advised a taper that was too quick and I suffered. Sorry I can't be more helpful. After a year, I am better...not back to normal though.

We have to just stay strong and know that we will get better. You will! Keep reading this site!

Nena

 

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RachelSusan

Hi Cheeky,

This is my opinion only. I will not move on to another taper until I am not getting any waves.  It has to be all windows before I move on.  But that is based on my history and what I have learned works for me. I up-dosed after a C.T.  and never want to go through that again. I am now doing a cautious taper.  I am sure others on the site have different experiences.

RS

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Peculiar

The waves and windows , thank you for this. It explains exactly how I feel. For many yearsI have been thinking I might be Bi polar!

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Pepita

once I knew I was in wirhdrawal I smiled at doctors suggesting I was bipolar:)))I am in (a hopefully my last) window for 7 months. now and not just a so- so, I am really feeling good:) hang in there, it's going to be alraight!

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bhasski
On 5/30/2017 at 12:20 PM, miT said:

I definitely escaped my imagined disney-like world by direct confrontation with my suffering. The only problem is that I'm so sensitive in this wd process that I tend to overreact or overprotect

 

Same here . But I feel bad about it. It was my world for motivation where I was doing things and I could have done a lot. In this world I am helpless with my abilities taken and I had no plans for it.

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JanCarol

I was listening to excellent talks by Jeff Foster:

 

Jeff Foster - Deepest Acceptance - 1 hour talk

 

If you like it, there's also a part 2:

 

Jeff Foster - Deepest Acceptance - Part 2

 

He talks about how we are the ocean.  The traumas and difficulties we experience are not something to be fought - they are a part of us.  The waves are just a part of us, but we endure.  The waves come and go, and each moment is different - sometimes painful and turbulent, sometimes calm, but in each moment - we are still the ocean.  There is nothing - absolutely nothing - that waves our ocean which can disturb the deep.

I'm not as eloquent as he is, so I recommend listening to his talk.

Also - I've been posting this around, but it applies here.  It was done for an eating disorders recovery group - but it's too good not to share:

 

 

 

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kesh

Anyone any thoughts about rapid wave/window patterns? I have gone from them lasting days to now lasting hours. From normal to horrendous, several times a day.

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Hellbutrin

I just had a quick question that I was hoping someone might be able to answer. Is it common to have more than one acute wave when you're going through withdrawal? I had an acute wave after my initial C/T and then I had a terrible acute wave at the beginning of November, and now I feel like I'm starting to go into another one. Is this common in withdrawal? Is it unusual to have more than one severe wave?

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Hellbutrin

I ask this because my last wave included a lot of suicidal depression, and I feel like I'm starting to feel that way again. Can someone please give me some feedback? Should I expect a wave that is just as bad or worse than my previous acute wave? 

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powerback

Hi H well done on being drug free ,a mod would know more ,but I think I'm qualified being a member that's in protracted withdrawl ,I don't think theres anything unusual about going into another wave ,this process isn't linear ,it can be all over the place ,I suppose we just have to learn from each experience and get our toolkit together and ready for the next wave ,so many things can set us off into a wave .its best to learn what these stresses are and when your hit with the wave deal with it as best you can and be careful  being around triggers or places that make the wave worse .

we can also turn ourselves into a knot with worrying when the next one hits but watch out for this and try and relax as best you can and remember you will get through the wave as you did the last time and be ok .

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