Polly1974 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hello Thanks so much for having me I really need some support and am so glad to be here. I was prescribed all sorts of medications for an obsessive fear over a 10 year period. It started with Lorazepam 9 mg Per day and this really helped for many years. When I hit tolerance to these drugs I was weaned off using only 30 mg diazepam and went into a severe withdrawal. Not knowing this at the time I was prescribed 3 antipsychotics (8 week trial on each) and then 7 antidepressants (8 week trial on each) and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day again. I am now off all medications and have been for 13 months. I believe I am in a severe withdrawal from all these medications and am suffering terribly. The biggest worry for me at the moment is the fact that the original OCD fear has returned and is much more severe than it was before. It is now so debilitating and intolerable. I totally understand the horrific withdrawal symptoms are normal but I would like to ask if it is also normal for the original problem to be much worse and whether I have any hope of it at least returning to the level it was before all of these drugs ( more manageable). I would be grateful to anyone kind enough to reply and help me out here, I am really worried about this and really need some hope. Thanks so much everyone for now Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
alldaisy Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hi Polly, There others in the forum with more experience that will help you out. My personal experience, when I stopped my medications, I had the symptoms I had before and more. For me the previous symptoms overlapped the withdrawal symptoms and as a result I had to be put in more medications. But with time, I became more stable and I believe the withdrawal symptoms dissipated. There are great people here with more expertise, that have struggle a lot with the medications. Take care and wait for others replies. Zyprexa 15 mg for 5 months in 2010. I quit cold turkey /Zyprexa 5 mg from sept 2011 to sept 2012. I quit cold turkey Lamictal and Geodon for around 6 months (from around sept 2012 to feb 2013) Trazodone/ Klonopin 0.5 mg / 1 mg /Quetiapine and gabapentin 600 mg/ Risperidone and gabapentin 600 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg around feb 2014 to june 2014/ Gabapentin 900 mg july 2014 to December 2014 Invega 6 mg dec 2014 (for 8 days) / Gabapentin 600 mg Invega 6 mg April 2015 / Gabapentin 900 mg Invega 3 mg May 2015 / Gabapentin 600 mg Since May 25th Gabapentin 600 mg July 24 Gabapentin 400 mg August 18 Gabapentin 300 mg Currently taking Invega 6 mg and Venlafaxine 150 mg. 2018 2019. I took invega 3 mg for two months. I stop taking medication two days ago (11/13) I am doing ok. In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on. Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Welcome 'polly1974'.Thats a lot of drugs you've been taking.The withdrawal from the benzo's could still be causing you to think that your original problem has got worse ,added to that the AD's they experimented on you with.I think you will heal from all the changes that these drugs have made.I think your doing very well.I think the answer to your question will only arise after more time and healing. I wish you well Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Thanks so much both I really appreciate getting a response. How kind of you Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
tgirl Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hello Polly, What are your symptoms? Tgirl April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hi t girl. Thanks so much for asking All the physical symptoms went away within the first few months but am getting slammed with the mental still. State of Terror Fear of everything Anxiety Akathisia Nightmares Panic attacks Depression etc. really worried about the increase in severity of the original problem. Hoping this is normal and maybe someone else has experienced this too? Really appreciate your reply Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 11, 2015 Moderator Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hi Polly-- Yes this is really normal. Welcome to the group. I'm glad to see that you're off of all of those drugs, but very sorry to hear that they are still causing you so much trouble. None of these drugs will "cure" anything, so the condition you had prior to starting will be coming back, unless it was addressed with nondrug methods while you were medicated. Having been on and off of so many drugs has thrown your poor brain into chaos and it is having a hard time sorting everything out. That is to say you have a nice case of withdrawal syndrome. One of the hallmarks of WS is a perceived amplification of the original condition. Which, as you are finding out, can be very frightening and debilitating. The good thing is, as time progresses and healing continues the condition will fade back to its original levels. Unfortunately, because it is chemically induced, or as we refer to it a"neuroemotion" there isn't a whole lot that can be done except ride it out. At thirteen months out you have a good start on it. There is a technique, AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float) that is helpful. With this you have to Acknowledge what is happening, explore the feeling and understand them. Then you must Accept that they are real, they can't harm you, and there is nothing you can do about then. That done you let them float off as you get on with your life as best as you can. Takes a bit of practice, but it can be really helpful. This might help clarify some of what is going on: What is withdrawal syndrome? Thank you for adding a signature block, it really helps us see what is going on. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hello Brass monkey Thanks so much for that reassurance, it helps a lot. How kind everyone is here Polly xx Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SquirrellyGirl Posted October 11, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 11, 2015 Welcome, Poly1974 I went off of Effexor last year, too quickly after being on it for 12 years, and at first I didn't feel WD so didn't realize that when it did happen, that is what it was! The mental stuff came on strong, much worse than I'd ever had before meds. So yes, the withdrawal is likely the culprit. Unfortunately, I ended up back on not one but two meds before realizing that all I had experienced was Effexor WD. So, I am happy for you that you found this site and before ending up medicated again. Hang in there and remind yourself all the time that this is withdrawal, and it will pass! You are healing! Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac. Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002 Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history. Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots! Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off. Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep. June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened! Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015. Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month. 12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18: 2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
calithebold Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hi Polly I just wanted to stop by and welcome you to SA. You will find so many people here get what you are going through and I'm sure just knowing that the things you are experiencing are real for them too will be a load off your mind. I am lucky, I started my tapering while in here and have a long way to go but there are so many wonderful people here that just know so much, that I know I will be okay too. I hope you're doing okay All medications:: Xanax (1995-96), Aropax (1995-96), Mellaril (1997-2000), Efexor (1997-2002), Seroquel (2000-now), Lithium Carbonate (2000-now), Avanza (2002-05), Epilim (2005), Seroquel-XR (2000-now), Zyprexa (2002-14), Raberprazole (2000-now prn), Crestor (2009-15), Gabapentin (2009-12), Lamictal (2010-now), Abilify (2011-now) Lyrica (2012-now), Diazepam (2010-now prn), Saphris (2014), Respiridone (2014), Chlorpromazine (2014) Neulatil (07/2016) Current medications: Lithium Carbonate 750mg; Seroquel-XR 600mg, 800mg 04/16, 600mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 200mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 500mg 04/16; Lamictal 250mg 200mg150mg 04/16; Lyrica 300mg; Abilify 20mg 30mg 11/15 Zoloft 25mg 04/16 ceased after a week due to severe suicidal thoughts; Seroquel 25mg prn; Diazepam 40mg CT Jan 2013, 5mg occasionally, (massive med changes in April 2016 due to a hospital admission). Supplements: Fish oil 4000mg, Magnesium 100mg , Niacinamide 1000mg, Slippery Elm 800mg , B12 1000mcg, Zinc 50mg, B6 100mg, Vitamin D 2000IU, Calcium 1200mg, P5P 100mg, Vitamin C 2000mg, Vitamin E 400IU Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Hello both Thanks you so much for the kind words and for the welcome. I'm so grateful to get all this reassurance. I hope you are both doing OK today too xx THANK YOU Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Share Posted October 30, 2015 Hello Is there anyone there that can please give me some reassurance. The fear that led me to benzos in the first place is very severe during my withdrawal. I'm trying CBT and exposure everyday and seeing no results. The fear and the thoughts behind it have much more power over me now than before benzos etc. Please will someone reassure me that this is normal and that there's a chance of it at least returning to the way it was before. Thanks so much to anyone who can help me here Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Cressida Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 "Chemically " caused anxiety doesn't seem to be amenable to conventional therapies in my personal experience Polly. I read every bit of self help under the sun but it wasn't until the chemically induced stuff started to lift that I could start addressing the fear habits I had acquired in WD Paxil 10mg 21/2 years to June 2012 after a 2 month taper Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Share Posted October 30, 2015 Hi Cressida I really appreciate your kind reply. Thank you Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted October 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 31, 2015 Hi Polly, I moved your topic to your introduction thread here because it was related to your own situation specifically. Please use this thread to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want. Please bookmark it or follow it so you can find it again. I've had the same experience as you and Cressida while in withdrawal, nothing actually stops the chemically caused symptoms apart from time. In fact, I think I've slowed my recovery by trying to expose myself to more stimuli than my NS could tolerate, causing even more stress. While in withdrawal, look for activities and therapies which help you to accept and manage what you are experiencing, rather than engaging in techniques which are developed to change cognitively based anxiety and fear. Withdrawal symptoms are physiological in nature, they will fade away over time. It can be helpful to learn techniques to control any secondary cognitive fears (about the symptoms and condition), this is where CBT can sometimes be helpful, by learning ways to accept what you are going through and not increasing the anxiety with fearful thoughts. See: Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms Unfortunately, because it is chemically induced, or as we refer to it a"neuroemotion" there isn't a whole lot that can be done except ride it out. At thirteen months out you have a good start on it. There is a technique, AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float) that is helpful. With this you have to Acknowledge what is happening, explore the feeling and understand them. Then you must Accept that they are real, they can't harm you, and there is nothing you can do about then. That done you let them float off as you get on with your life as best as you can. Takes a bit of practice, but it can be really helpful. This AAF technique that brass mentioned is good. But I would interpret the 'float' step a little differently. Often, no matter what you do, the symptoms don't float off, but you still need to get on with life as best you can. What has worked for me is that I have tried to be the one doing the floating. I have tried to calmly float through the things I've had to do while the symptoms have been causing discomfort in my body. I've found that if I can keep my thoughts and actions calm, it doesn't make things worse than they already are. Like Brass said, takes a bit of practice, but it helps. Something else I wanted to mention was in relation to what you asked here: I totally understand the horrific withdrawal symptoms are normal but I would like to ask if it is also normal for the original problem to be much worse and whether I have any hope of it at least returning to the level it was before all of these drugs ( more manageable). I started on these medications for anxiety, but withdrawal has been so much worse than anything I experienced before. I've had to learn how to tolerate and endure the most excruciating sensations I didn't even know existed, my previous 'anxiety' would be a pleasure now. I've had very few real windows, but when I have and the withdrawal symptoms have gone away for a time and I've been returned to my former state for a while, when I've experienced 'normal' anxiety, normal as in what was/is normal for me, it was like almost nothing, I could brush it off like it was a little fly and get on with what I was doing. I've read posts from people who have recovered from withdrawal and they say that going through withdrawal makes you better and stronger than you were before. You learn how to manage the sensations which caused you to reach for drugs in the first place, it can lead to learning healthier ways to manage life. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Thanks so much Petunia I really appreciate your response. I hope I'm not making a nuisance of myself by posting too much. Thanks everyone Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted October 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 31, 2015 It's ok to post as much as you need it. What helped me when I first came here and when I was in such bad withdrawal that I could hardly do anything else was reading through threads of other people. Almost all my questions were addressed and the fears I couldn't even formulate voiced. I also learnt from other how to cope but mostly importantly learnt I'm not the only one and that despite how terrible the symptoms were people not only survive but get better. It just takes time. Sometimes lots of time and always an incredible amount of patience and endurance. I found these two threads particularly helpful: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/ http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9809-neuro-emotions/ Best, Bubble Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Thanks so much bubble, I appreciate your kind words. Hope your doing OK today Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 31, 2015 Moderator Share Posted October 31, 2015 Thanks Petu, I'm going to revisit my definition of "float". Polly-- haven't seen you here in a long time. Please keep us up on what is happening. (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Hi Brass monkey Thanks so much for thinking of me, everyone is so kind here. I'm really struggling with the original OCD more than anything, it is so much worse than it was pre Benzos. It's really frightening. Everyone here has been kind trying to reassure me, its just so hard to have hope. Hope your doing OK Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted November 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 1, 2015 In case you haven't seen it, here is our OCD topic, you may find it helpful: OCD: obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors - Surviving ... I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Share Posted November 2, 2015 Thank you Petunia xx Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 10, 2015 Author Share Posted November 10, 2015 Hi guys I'm really struggling here it's like mental cruelty. Does anyone know whether this is normal for withdrawal? The things I feared before benzos I had to be near them to feel anxiety. I had to be in a situation. During this if I see a picture of the things that I'm scared of or if someone just mentions them in conversation I suffer intense fear and panic for just thinking about the problem/situation. This never used to happen before? is anyone experiencing anything similar. I would love to hear from you to know its not just me. Thanks so much everyone I hope its OK to post again. Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted November 10, 2015 Moderator Share Posted November 10, 2015 Hi Polly-- These drugs have a bad habit of digging into the darkest corners of your mind, dragging what it finds up to the surface, and making it 10X as big. So if one use to be afraid of being face to face with a huge snarling dog, now they can be scared to death of pictures of cute puppies sleeping in a basket. It's all because of the drugs playing with your brain. Very scary stuff, very upsetting, but it can't hurt you. The trick is to realize when it happens, that it is just the drugs playing tricks and not the real you. This is a good place to practice AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float) Acknowledge that he thoughts are happening, Accept that they can't hurt you and that there is nothing you can do about them. Let them go as you Float off about your business. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 10, 2015 Author Share Posted November 10, 2015 Thanks so much brass monkey I'm so happy to get your response. Thank you for being so reassuring. Hope your doing OK Polly xx Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 So sorry for another post. I hope its OK I've spent the last few days terrified that maybe my OCD was never OCD and that it is a psychotic disorder? I am afraid to research psychosis in case it frightens me even more. I shared this with a friend who told me that as far she was aware a psychotic has no insight to their fears and obsessive thoughts being irrational. I'm pretty sure that I have insight on my fears and know deep down that they are over exaggerated. I don't have any hallucinations and I think I'm in touch with reality. Do you guys are think I'm OK? Thanks so much, sorry if too big of a question. I'll understand if I don't get any replies. So worried, thanks Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Martina23 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Polly I have the same fears, so if you are psychotic I am too. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
nz11 Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Hi Polly-- These drugs have a bad habit of digging into the darkest corners of your mind, dragging what it finds up to the surface, and making it 10X as big. So if one use to be afraid of being face to face with a huge snarling dog, now they can be scared to death of pictures of cute puppies sleeping in a basket. It's all because of the drugs playing with your brain. Very scary stuff, very upsetting, but it can't hurt you. The trick is to realize when it happens, that it is just the drugs playing tricks and not the real you. This is a good place to practice AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float) Acknowledge that he thoughts are happening, Accept that they can't hurt you and that there is nothing you can do about them. Let them go as you Float off about your business. This. You are in wdl you will be ok. Try not to obsess about abc or ocd or psycho-me it will pass. You brain is lyng. This is part of the drug wdl. Being given 7 ads and 3 antipsychs over 8 week periods and a ct off a truckload of valium as well? has left your cns very sensitized...and it is in chaos. Personally i think it is appalling and a serious ethical failure has occurred. 10 drugs over 80 weeks . You are not a dumpsite for toxic chemicals and it will take time to recover from being assaulted like this ! Doctors seem to think these brain altering chemicals are harmless and not addictive and dont need tapering they are misinformed. By 8 weeks use dependency would be well established. Well done on being 13 months drug free. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Hello both Thanks so much for your kind replies, I really need the reassurance right now. Thank you for being so kind Polly xx Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted November 13, 2015 Moderator Share Posted November 13, 2015 It's a bad wave Polly, it will pass. Don't fight, just roll with it as best as you can and it will run it's course. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Share Posted November 13, 2015 Thanks so much BM, you are a great support to me. I'm most grateful. Thanks everyone for being here for me. I'm so grateful to have this forum.xx Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Hello everyone Is anyone finding the withdrawal process is dredging up everything bad from the past? Every fear, bad experience, trauma etc all being magnified to epic proportions. Maybe similar to a Post Traumatic Disorder. Thanks so much Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
AliG Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Hi Polly , Unfortunately , that is the nature of this " withdrawal " . Everything gets amplified , to the N'th degree, as the C.N.S. tries to " correct itself. I'm sorry you're going through this , but know that it will lessen in intensity , and you will recover yourself in time , given patience and acceptance. I too, was jerked around from one drug to another. I'm 18 months free, but still going through " windows & waves ". You will have those symptoms, but they will gradually recede. You will heal, in time. Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Polly1974 Posted November 28, 2015 Author Share Posted November 28, 2015 Hi Ali Thanks so much for your kind response, I'm most grateful to hear from someone. Thanks for giving me some hope. Hope your coping ok Polly Prescribed Lorazepam for OCD/ fear for 6 years. Reached tolerance at 9mg Per day. Was taken off using only 30 mg Valium over 6 months. Didn't realise about withdrawal and was prescribed 7 anti depressants (8 week trial on each), 3 antipsychotics and then a reinstatement of 30 mg Valium Per day. Been drug free for 14 months but believe i am in severe withdrawal from stopping and starting all these medications. Link to comment
AliG Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Hi Polly , I notice you're in the U.K . My daughter is in London . Where are you ? You will get through this, Polly . Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
TryingtohaveHope Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 I'm so sorry you are going through so much fear. I too have been experiencing a lot of fear. I was trying to distract myself reading a magazine the other day and I looked at an ad that had a pie in it and looking at the pie scared me. It was so bizarre. I still don't know why. This experience really makes you question yourself and your sanity now and before. My fear has gotten better so I have hope that yours can too. I know our experiences are different but still. I've been on medications on and off since I was probably 13...maybe earlier. It's kind of murky. I know for sure I was on meds when I wa 16. Then off then at 18ish then off then I went back on in grad school then off. I've tried paxil, prozac, effexor, celexa, wellbutrin. I was put on latuda and had a not great reaction after 5 months. I took myself off recently and am not on anything now. WENT OFF LATUDA OCTOBER 2015. Link to comment
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