starcontrol2

[JanCarol]

Oh yeah - I missed a question:  

And another question, if I get a more clear, less foggy and less visual slowness day, less depression, etc. is that considered a window? Sometimes my afternoon suddenly becomes "better".

Yeah.  WIndows.

 

Some people claim that they only get dirty windows, but that they are better.

 

In my worst days, I was under 3 feet of mud all of the time, and my "windows" were when I could go to work (I was self employed, worked part time, casual, contract), or cook a meal, or clean something, or visit a friend.  Then I would abruptly fall down in the mud again (sound familiar?)  BUT it was a window.

 

Because I was in my "bipolar period" I called them "hypomanic."  But I like the term windows, better.  I think right now you may be getting glimpses.  Some people here get clear, amazing, OMG it's GONE only to be then afflicted by the fear that it would come back, which, naturally, hastens the closing of the window.  But gradually, the windows become clearer and brighter and more motivating, and make it much easier to survive the waves, even when they are relentless.

 

In my case (lithium taper, a different animal) it was like walking out of a deep, muddy, swampy lake.  At first, I see nothing.  I feel nothing, I want nothing.  Nice, dark, bottom of the isolated lake.  But as the lithium fell away, I came up higher until I could tell there was a sun shining on the lake.  I could feel firm ground under my feet, and had an idea where I was going.  And I wanted to go there!  As my head came above water and I took a breath of air, I was astonished to find that - I could breathe!  I wanted to breathe!  I wanted to live!  I wanted to give it my best shot!  I'm still not on dry land (I suspect I'm about knee deep, with waves up to the hip and chest on occasion) - but it does get better over time.

 

It's the waiting.  Here's one for you:

 

A student comes to the master and says, "How long until I reach enlightenment?"  "Ah," said the master, "5 years."  The student earnestly asks, "But if I work really really hard, and earnestly, and strive really hard, how long, then, will it take to reach enlightenment?"  "Ah," said the master, "20 years.!"

[starcontrol2]

 

But my question remains, how long do I wait before I start tapering. No calendar, JC, just strictly symptom-wise. Would be glad to hear people's input.

And another question, if I get a more clear, less foggy and less visual slowness day, less depression, etc. is that considered a window? Sometimes my afternoon suddenly becomes "better".

So, Star, as always I can only provide my opinions.

 

With regard to how long you wait, there are definitely some people who only start to show signs of improvement once they begin to reduce their dose, i.e., the medicine is essentially toxic to them. If you show no further real improvement between now and some reasonable date, e.g., end of the year, I would certainly not be opposed to you trying a 10% cut to see how you react. If you are the same or better, I would continue on. If noticeably worse, I would reinstate and reevaluate.

 

With regard to "what is a window?" I sometimes think we place too much emphasis on that word because it signifies some kind of "holy grail" for us. In my view, it's really a question of "moments of feeling noticeably better." Friday and Saturday I had those. That does NOT mean that "all the awful stuff lifted and I could hear angels singing and the sound of babies laughing." It just means that I could notice that I was feeling better than when I'm not feeling good. To me that is a "window" and a sign that I can improve and will improve. So, in your case, if you feel better in the afternoons, that is a good sign. It means that there is a level above baseline that it is reasonable for you to aspire to. Soon, that will hopefully be your "new baseline." From there the goal is simply to have the baseline go up until it is where you can say you are "largely healed." There are some examples of what I would call "spontaneous remission" but they are the exception not the rule. I am encouraged to hear you say that there are times you feel noticeably better.

 

Andy

 

 

Thanks Andy, I will re-evaluate where I stand after Thanksgiving.

[apace41]

Thanks Andy, I will re-evaluate where I stand after Thanksgiving.

 

By way of example, Star, and not to make your thread about me, Friday and Saturday were "good" days.  I wasn't perfect but I was feeling significantly better than baseline.

 

Yesterday, not so much and today even less so.

 

While it is frustrating as h-ll, I believe that the way this nonsense works is that I should be happy I had the two "better" days as opposed to being pissed about the two "worse" ones.  I am working on the acceptance part of that, with all due respect to JC and dalsaan, and am hoping to get there.

 

Best to you,

 

Andy

[starcontrol2]

Thank you again JC for your detailed input.

 

I guess I keep missing the point in my head that even though I was suffering since May, with failed reinstatement which made things worse, there was no healing and I could maybe start the healing count as October 10, when I got off lexapro completely. I am, however, on zoloft at the moment, does as still count as healing period? The drunk feeling started while on Lexapro, I feel, until I am completely off everything if won't get better. About a month, month and half ago I had a real window, for the evening I was back to myself, it was unbelievable, sadly it was a while back and although I do get better days, none are quite like that one.

I know how my depressions run and they are not at all what I have been experiencing so I know it is withdrawal. Will I get my depression back later? I don't know but mine was/is caused by real events which hopefully can be worked though and not just shoved aside and that is exactly what I did while on lexapro.

 

I guess I am having hard time believing that any healing is taking place while I am taking any kind of med

[starcontrol2]

 

Thanks Andy, I will re-evaluate where I stand after Thanksgiving.

 

By way of example, Star, and not to make your thread about me, Friday and Saturday were "good" days.  I wasn't perfect but I was feeling significantly better than baseline.

 

Yesterday, not so much and today even less so.

 

While it is frustrating as h-ll, I believe that the way this nonsense works is that I should be happy I had the two "better" days as opposed to being pissed about the two "worse" ones.  I am working on the acceptance part of that, with all due respect to JC and dalsaan, and am hoping to get there.

 

Best to you,

 

Andy

 

 

Today is a good example for me as well. Day started really foggy(even more so than usual),  I could barely go for a walk I was all over the place. I took a nap midday, went swimming and now am at least 30% more clear in head and eyes...

[apace41]

I guess I am having hard time believing that any healing is taking place while I am taking any kind of med

 

That is a very common feeling, Star.  Part of it is the sense that has been internalized that these drugs are poisons so there is no way to heal while they are in your system.  Part of it is the fact that in the absence of current signs of healing it is hard to believe you can be healing.  The reality is that people can and do heal during their tapers.  Not everyone has the same path to healing.  Some people will go for a long time with no improvement and then have a sudden improvement that can be almost like a miracle event.  Some have a very methodical healing that tracks their decrease in the meds.  Most fall inbetween.

 

You can heal while you are still on Zoloft (unless you are having a drug reaction) once you are in a position to taper.  Nobody can predict if that is what will happen or not but there is a very good chance.

 

Andy

[apace41]

 

 

Today is a good example for me as well. Day started really foggy(even more so than usual),  I could barely go for a walk I was all over the place. I took a nap midday, went swimming and now am at least 30% more clear in head and eyes...

 

 

At the risk of turning this thread into one of our PMs Star, that is a good sign and you should take that as further indication that you can and will heal.  By now you know it ain't likely to be overnight, but it will happen.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Altostrata]

Hi, star, how are you doing now?

[starcontrol2]

Hi Alto,

 

I have seen improvement from before I joined this forum, from August/September time frame to early October, around the time when I completely got off lexapro and was on 37.5mg of zoloft.

But since early October I would say pretty steady, in a bad way. I have little better days, little better parts of the day but overall just not stable.

 

What improved since July:

- sleep - to some extent

Overall to some extent on average a little better

 

Since early October:

Seems my improvements have leveled off.

I have been experiencing intrusive thoughts something I never had prior to October. Severity changes.

 

My days are unpredictable, no stress tolerance, maybe slightly less dp/dr, bouts of hopelessness. Foggy head, foggy thinking (intensity varies)

 

I feel not much progress and even with some improvements I just can't see myself living like this. I feel brain damaged and just not myself. I get moments, I get glumpses but never had a good, normal day.

 

I don't know how much zoloft is helping or hurting.

 

This Monday, the 14th i cut to 35mg, around 7% cut.

Felt nausea and sort of dizziness since then, yesterday and today a bit more severely. I think i felt this before but not recently. Hard to believe its from the drop and practically same day. Exercise helps to some extent. These new symptoms are really setting me back.

 

So, on average a little better than August but about same since early October up until Monday

[starcontrol2]

Just wanted to add that bad withdrawal from Lexapro and subsequent failed reinstatement broke some processes in my body. The more time passes, the more it wears me out.

I was hopeful of doctors, supplements, even zoloft, now I just wait...

I was depressed before and had anxiety at times but I never felt do destroyed and disabled.

I only have bad feelings, I am uneasy to be by myself with my daughter, I can't make any plans, I don't want to do anything, yet doing nothing is no relief.

It is hard on my family.

I really wanted to be more stable to start taper but how long can one wait.

Somehow i still work but this type of torturous survival can only be med induced phenomenon .

[JanCarol]

Hey Starcontrol - it does sound like you are better.

 

In here, we measure "better" in tiny increments, kind of like as we taper in tiny increments. Better is sometimes difficult to see.

 

You wrote:

I guess I am having hard time believing that any healing is taking place while I am taking any kind of med 

 

This is a common complaint, and is even expressed by "withdrawal experts" (like Ashton), but is simply not true.

 

You are healing every time you sleep, rest, nourish, and care for yourself.  How much chemical in your system is not relevant to your recovery, and as you taper, each time you stabilize again, you are healing a little bit more.  In my opinion, healing happens in the times you stabilize, not in the times of tapering.  It's not about the chemicals in our body - but how much we have healed from what they've done to us.

 

As Rhi said:

You can't get off the drug (without major instability) faster than your brain can re-adapt itself to the absence of the drug. 

 

[starcontrol2]

Thanks JanCarol,

 

I generally try not to spam my thread with up and down symptoms since nobody can really help and this is not counseling forum.

I have much worsened over yesterday, night and today. Usually when I am worse there is a trigger but now there was none.

Severe depression, non stop crying, hopelessness, anxiety, had a lot of trouble sleeping.

I can't believe its from this small cut...

[Altostrata]

In August/September, you were taking a little Lexapro along with the Zoloft, is that correct?

 

It seems that the drunk or foggy feeling is your reaction to SSRIs now. Zoloft is also an SSRI.

 

Milligram for milligram, Lexapro is several times stronger than Zoloft. 5mg Lexapro is roughly equivalent to 15mg-20mg Zoloft. When you were taking Lexapro, it was too strong for you and adversely affected your sleep. When you went off it, the side effects from Lexapro improved but withdrawal symptoms were added. Zoloft continued the foggy feelings, but at lower intensity.

 

My guess is you would do better by adding a little Lexapro, say 1mg, to the Zoloft, then gradually reducing the Zoloft. This explains how to take a small amount of Lexapro Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

Are you taking the Zoloft in liquid form?

[starcontrol2]

My withdrawal hit as soon as I started to get off in May and severly hit by early July it included insomnia.

I didn't have trouble sleeping while originally on lexapro.

Reinstatement crippled me even more severely and made insomnia worse. Towards end of August I started slow transition cutting approx 1/8 pill every week and adding zoloft "equivalent ", took about 8 weeks to transition.

I was around 1mg of lexapro for a number of weeks in September yet I didn't feel any better, I am so reluctant to resurrect that beast

I feel withdrawal was raging through the summer not just when I stopped lexapro.

I improved around September/October but have really been same since, i.e. withdrawal didn't become worse. I still get horrible sttetches though.

Its only last few days that I really became much worse, i am really hoping not because I dropped a little Monday, this really hit me out of nowhere.

I have jewelrs scale and have been measuring cuts accurately since Monday.

Ugh, i was hoping 5mg of lexapro is more like 50 mg of zoloft

 

Thank you for your time.

[Altostrata]

I was around 1mg of lexapro for a number of weeks in September yet I didn't feel any better...

 

I improved around September/October but have really been same since....

 

 

These statements are at variance.

 

What we see here is that often if people reinstate a very small amount of the original drug, it doesn't cause the side effects but can reduce withdrawal symptoms.

 

You may have reinstated too high a dose of Lexapro before. Also, changing drugs tends to cause nervous system instability and exacerbation of symptoms. Settling at one dose and taking it at the same time each day helps your nervous system settle down. See The rule of 3KIS: Keep it simple. Keep it slow. Keep it stable.

 

It's up to you, you have to decide the best course for you.

[starcontrol2]

Yes, I completely understand and read everything on this website.

We discussed reinstatement before and seemed to agree (at least at that time) that i was doing better on zoloft and to proceed, i am on the phone hard to copy your previous posts.

I am trying to avoid drug changes as much as i can help it.

Do you think that my latest small drop on Monday could cause such havoc?

Is going back to 37.5 an option?

I haven't felt like today in a long while.

 

Again, thank you for your support.

[JanCarol]

What causes symptoms?

 

Changes in drugs - sometimes up to a year out.

 

So - yes, you could've had an increase in symptoms from your tiny drop earlier this month

AND - you could be having delayed symptoms from the changes in September.

 

Lexapro is your original drug of "addiction" (I would never say "choice!"), zoloft is an attempt to bridge - and I don't think it is i hitting the same places as Lexapro.

 

I agree with Alto - just a tiny amount of Lexapro (leave the sertraline where it is) until you stabilize.  Then leave the lexapro in place as you come down off the sertraline.

 

It's always difficult when someone was on Drug A for years, then in the last year switches to Drug B, to figure out how best to ease symptoms of withdrawal.  It seems slightly counter-intuitive to go back to Drug A (since you've been off it awhile) but that is the drug that your nervous system "structured" itself around.

 

But I think you will stabilize faster & better with the "hair of the dog that bit you." 

[starcontrol2]

Thanks for response.

If I were to reinstate a tiny amount of lexapro what is the timeframe to gauge if it is working or not.

And another question:

What would it mean to stabilize? Have same symptoms every day? Get most of withdrawal symptoms to fade? Get some of them to fade?

[Altostrata]

The goal of reinstatement is to reduce withdrawal symptoms. It takes at least 4 days for your system to fully register reinstatement, but it could take some weeks for gradual improvement.

[starcontrol2]

Thank you for the practical advice.

 

The below is just for me and maybe others if it is helpful:

This last week i slid down badly, I didn't think it is possible but it is the reality. The small cut, the wave, the cycle I guess it doesn't matter.

I am afraid to reinstate lexapro, just plain afraid. I went for a walk with my family, put my daughter to bed, forced myself to swim and did a few other things. The added nausea and dizziness doesn't help but it can still get worse, I can walk I can put my daughter to bed, I am afraid to lose what tiny I have left.

I am not afraid of death but I am just afraid that reinstatement will make it even worse.

I thought I had some coping skills, I thought I had a routine that helped but maybe I don't have enough skills or the routine can't help when its so bad.

There is a lot of great advice on this site but I still just don't know what to do when such bone crushing depression hits.

If this is part of withdrawal no matter what i do it will get better with time and hopefully some day I will look at this post in the different light. However, it won't be today...

[ChessieCat]

Hi SC

 

I had a light bulb moment the yesterday.  When suffering withdrawal symptoms I think we assume (wrongly) that tapering (in my case too soon, in your case, not reinstating) will make us feel better quicker.  From the huge number of personal stories I have read on this site, in most instances this is not the case.

 

The only weakness in WD is not doing the sensible thing.  It is hard, we are impatient.  It's like kids on a car trip "are we there yet?"  This is where the support of other members here is so valuable.  They are able to offer suggestions based on their own and others experiences and which are not coloured by our emotions.

 

This is a long journey.  It is an individual journey but one which we can make using the existing road maps.

 

Take care.

 

CC

[Altostrata]

If you are terrified of adding in Lexapro, that's not going to help.

 

Yes, very dark, deep "black holes" of "depression" are characteristic of withdrawal syndrome.

[starcontrol2]

Thanks CC for your input. I would reinstate without question but not lexapro on top of zoloft when it feels like zoloft cut may be responsible.

 

Alto,

 

I cut on Monday Dec 14 and while nausea/dizzy hit quickly, the deep dark doom didn't hit until Thursday night, Dec 18 which is 4 days, consistent with the cut timing.

Would reinstatement back to 37.5 make sense? I guess I would have to wait 4 days again to see if it works. Or should I wait it out some more.

 

Now, I didn't feel well by any means before this cut but I saw a pattern and doom usually didn't last for days on end with no breaks. So it would be a little hard to gauge improvement with reinstatement since I normally have extra bad days.

 

Timing is also difficult, holidays break routine, my parents who are my biggest supporters are going to the beach and with latest worsening are urging all of us to go together, my brain can't make decisions now.

[Vonnegutjunky]

Star I am having a similar experience - my reinstatement made me worse and left me feeling as you do-

 

I started feeling better after my decrease but it took 2.5 months to notice any improvement in my symptoms

 

_i still have the windows and waves- but my windows are longer and much better then they have been since May of this year -

 

I wish you continued healing on your journey

❤️

[starcontrol2]

Star I am having a similar experience - my reinstatement made me worse and left me feeling as you do-

 

I started feeling better after my decrease but it took 2.5 months to notice any improvement in my symptoms

 

_i still have the windows and waves- but my windows are longer and much better then they have been since May of this year -

 

I wish you continued healing on your journey

❤️

Hi, thanks for your input. I read your thread.

Sounds like you have some really good windows.

I do get days when I feel a little better but nothing like you. There was one evening couple months ago when I truly felt like myself.

A few weeks ago I had a 6 day "window", it has since closed and after a cut a wave hit...

Maybe some people can never fully stabilize while still on med.

[Prestorb]

Your responses and symptoms are all very normal SC, it just takes a LOT longer to stabilize than you think it should. I know it's hard and frustrating and it totally sucks, but you will stabilize in TIME. I recommend you make NO more changes to your med or dosage until you start feeling a lot better. Please note how LONG many of us have been on this site. Please keep in mind that the holidays are the MOST stressful time to be going through this. Believe in your body's ability to heal, the emotions and clear thinking will come later. Making decisions right now is very difficult, but it's temporary. The key is to try to put your healing FIrST as much as possible, and don't expect anyone to understand. If they haven't been through this sh**, they can't possibly understand it or how long it takes to heal. And you may feel lots of judgement - ignore it. You have to be your own advocate for reducing stimulation and minimizing stress as much as possible. Hang in there! (((HUGS)))

[Vonnegutjunky]

Star- I will admit it took me decreasing my dose before I felt any better - I don't think I will stabilize if I'm on my med, but I am no longer suffering 24/7 -

 

I have had moments where di truly feel like my old self but thing that are not the same like being sensitive to any kind of stress or stimulation - I can't even have a glass of wine at this point -

 

You should take a look at altos post in symptoms and self care "what's going on in your brain"

 

It's an amazing look into the neurology of what's happening.

 

I was in denial when this first happened to me - it was truly incomprehensible that 10mg of a medication could do so much damage but after a year of reading and following and tracking my symptoms

I now realize I too have cns damage and I too am getting better even while taking the Meds so don't give up- I promise your just like us, you will get better

[ChessieCat]

Hi SC,

 

I think this is the one Vonne is talking about What is happening in your brain?

 

This is helpful too:  Brain Remodelling and this video:  Healing from Antidepressants: Patterns of Recovery

 

CC

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you cc - yes that's it

[starcontrol2]

Thank all for your input and for the links. I did read them before but re-read them again.

I held for just over two months, I guess it wasn't enough, i was never stable but I wasn't so down for so long either. I still don't know if the cut is responsible but it must have at least added.

The nausea has been gone after a week from the cut so that is good but deep depression is just hammering me away. I used to have this calm feeling mostly towards the evening, that's gone now too and I wake up with dread in my stomach again ugh

Since my WD is due to lexapro it is probably unrealistic for me to stabilize while on zoloft but I did feel a bit more "stable" than now so maybe a longer hold will get me there...

 

Also, my pharmacy changed generics manufacturers for zoloft, will that cause a problem? I kind of have not choice now, just another loose piece in the puzzle.

[starcontrol2]

On 1/16/2016 I cut zoloft from 35mg to 34mg. I felt like after new year I have somewhat "stabilized" and felt same on 35mg as I did on 37.5 which was still incredibly bad but the same.

I thought this time I will cut even smaller amount.

Maybe coincidence, maybe not, something unleashed a lot of devastation. On the 4th day I definitely felt intense symptoms ramping up and in some ways they have not let up every since.

The nature of my symptoms slowly changed.

While before I would be hit with really dark depression with a lot of inner emotional pain but I had my routine and was able barely hang in there most days now it is more like I am asleep and want to lay down all day with eyes closed and sleep.

 

My crying spells have intensified.

Major sleepiness(but can't really sleep), I am literally semi asleep all the time. I am even more out of it then in the summer when I was barely sleeping.

DP/DR intensified.

Very low energy. Even if I exercise I don't feel any difference, not more tired, not less tired, just as though I never tried.

Fog/visual disconnect is back with a vengeance.

Just really generally very very disconnected from everything, like lost in space.

Severe demotivation.

I feel like I am slowly dying in wish I was dead. All my senses are like at 25% capacity.

I contemplated visiting hospital(I know it is a terrible idea) but I am becoming a vegetable and the pain that is inflicted on my family is too much to handle.

 

I don't know if it is a "stage" in withdrawal or that 1mg really hit me.

 

I wrote to some doctors, most notably Dr. Shipko and here was his response:

 

"It isn't really worth a phone consultation, as I don't have any special advice for you.  I can verify that your problems relate to a toxic effect of the SSRIs on your nervous system.  The SSRIs can both cause the toxicity, and then mask it, not too unlike antipsychotic medication effects on the nervous system.  Your situation is a difficult one with no definite path forward.  It is likely that if you were to taper off the Zoloft, that you would feel worse, and it can last a long time (but it would not necessarily be the case with you - unknown).  Given the severity of symptoms, you might be able to get relief by increasing the dose of Zoloft - much higher unless the increased doses are making you ill. When reinstatement doesn't work, it is often necessary to go to doses higher than the original dose, and it can take a few months for full effect.   Alternately you can try another SSRI or a SNRI like Effexor.  If you can get to a comfortable spot, you can worry about tapering and stopping the drug later."

 

Just at least want to get back to my horrible 35mg level...

I have been off of lexapro for 4 months now, I don't think reinstating that will help.

[Petunia]

I'm sorry about what you've been going through SC. I think you might be right what you wrote here:

 

I held for just over two months, I guess it wasn't enough, i was never stable but I wasn't so down for so long either....

 

It sounds like you were starting to improve, but needed much more time before tapering. I'm thinking you probably should have given yourself at least 6 months to stabilize on Zoloft before starting a taper, maybe longer. Perhaps going back up to 35mg might help. If you do this, you will need to be patient and not expect to feel better right away.

 

Or stay as you are, but be prepared to hold for a long time for your symptoms to settle again. Eventually you will stabilize and then you might consider a very slow, careful taper. See:  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Keep notes on paper of your symptoms, rate their intensity, it will help you to recognize your own pattern of recovery and see your improvements.

 

It was nice of Dr. Shipko to send you a reply, even though he doesn't have a solution. I would be hesitant to make any big changes or try new drugs because of the risk of making things worse than they are. As Dr. S verifies, these drugs are toxic to our nervous system, so this needs to be taken into consideration before increasing or adding more drugs with the hope of finding some temporary relief.

[starcontrol2]

Thank you Petunia.

 

I do need to stabilize somehow, I know this forum isn't for emotional support but I am in pretty desperate situation.

I spoke to a few other docs(all referals). Some believe in withdrawal, some don't, some agree that a lot of what i am experiencing is due to withdrawal, some don't. But all are unanimous that stabilization of symptoms since its so severe is a priority and if it means going up on meds or trying something else then this is what needs to be done because if i end up in hospital they will try to put out a fire any way they can and since i am so sensitive to meds that will be like using anti tank weapon on single soldier.

 

Its so sad that I played soccer and very little fog and very little visual slowness 3-4 weeks ago(before 35-34 cut kicked in). I by no means felt good or myself but i had little windows here and there.

 

I slid so far down...

 

I went up to 35 today, my doc is monitoring situation but you can't monitor someone 24/7.

 

I will add my specific symptoms a bit later.

[apace41]

Its so sad that I played soccer and very little fog and very little visual slowness 3-4 weeks ago(before 35-34 cut kicked in). I by no means felt good or myself but i had little windows here and there.

 

Star,

 

As hard as it is to do so, the fact that you did have a small, partially open, window 3-4 weeks ago is something you can hang onto as a place you can hope to return once you gain a little more stability.  It's hard to fathom that level of sensitivity but it does happen.  Trying 35 for a while before you doing anything more is a good idea.  As always, we want to try to stabilize with the least possible increase in meds.

 

Hope this kicks in for you and provides some relief.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[starcontrol2]

I am pasting a snippet by Alto:

• According to medical knowledge, reinstatement is the only way to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.
• Reinstatement is best done immediately upon appearance of symptoms. The more time that passes, the less likely it is to work.
• The length of this window of opportunity varies according to the individual. Sometimes people can reinstate successfully months after quitting.
• After reinstatement, the amount of time needed to alleviate withdrawal symptoms varies according to the individual. Relief can be felt immediately, after some weeks, or after some months.
• The dose needed for effective reinstatement varies according to the individual.
• Sometimes reinstatement does not work. The nervous system has taken such a hard hit from withdrawal, it's destabilized beyond whatever effect the drug might have had.
• Sometimes reinstatement not only does not work, it causes an adverse reaction from a nervous system sensitized by withdrawal.

I guess the last bullet happened to me in July. I don't know how zoloft fits in all of this. I read around, I am not the only one that crashed even harder after dropping by 2.5%.

But I was never in stable or good place to begin with on Zoloft.

 

Before dropping zoloft I was minimally functional, I know it is not saying much as I was in hell anyway.

I cried about 2 times a week and would rate my days 3-3.5/10

 

Now I cry nearly every day.

 

My symptoms:

- severe depression

- dp/dr(intensity varies)

- fog

- visual fog, visual weirdness, hard to drive because of this - I assume it is more of a side effect

- feeling disconnected/unreality/trapped in glass

- hopelessness

- extreme sleepiness(intensity varies)

- extreme fatigue(intensity varies)

- insomnia(intensity varies)

- intrusive thoughts(intensity varies)

- anxiety(intensity varies)

 

except depression/anxiety all those affects I never had before meds/withdrawal.

 

I don't know what my course of action or inaction should be. I don't know what people do when reinstatement doesn't work yet tapering doesn't work either, neither is going up, although as Dr. Shipko noted that I "may" get relief by higher doses but side effects may "kill" me.

 

It seems by really painful trial and error, tapering is not working very well yet staying at this does is not offering relief either. I did have windows when I wasn't messing with zoloft dose.

 

My gut feeling is telling me that unless I somehow completely get off, I will be wallowing in misery for many years, reducing by 1mg, or 0.5mg...

 

By reading lossleaders story, where he says after one year he routinely found himself on the floor screaming and howling, well it's been 8 months and I am not even off of the drug and I do that but I bet his vision was ok since it is a side effect.

 

Meanwhile I look at my daughter or her picture and I just cry because her daddy is not here and is so so sick. I am ready to leave but I can't leave my family behind. I don't know I just need a ray of hope that this will get better somehow.

 

Thank you and very sorry for my emotional post