Jump to content

ProjectAscension: Post withdrawal (Deep Perspective)


Recommended Posts

Hi, well I don't even know how to begin this but I can only sympathize with everyone going through post withdrawal, it's so painful. I use terms based only from my experience and perspective. I’m on the low scale of the time I've been effected but my life was already non-existent, the drug has further prolonged that. I know for sure I've incurred brain damage. I've been on and off SSRIs and SNRIs over the years but have never experienced anything like this. You think back on the events in life that you thought was hell prior to taking the drug and we now know what hell truly feels like. 


It's interesting that anti-depressants stopped working for me after years of being off them. When I trialed the last one, the one that had given me a positive benefit all those years ago, I was hoping for something better than the the 3 anti-depressants I had recently trialed. That was the first warning sign that medication would no longer work for me but after struggling for so long to be happy, I chose to try Paxil as the final drug. It is the worst choice I have made in my entire life.


It started with all the usual side effects, except towards the end of the trial I experienced something I don't really have the words for. Almost like I felt this energy move from my upper body to my brain and all muscle movement stuttered. In the days that followed there was the feeling of something inside the front of my brain. I realise now this was the beginning of damage to the brain. The withdrawal process began:


·         sleep regulation (sleep cycles and body clock completely thrown out of balance)

·         sleep seizures 

·         heart palpitations

·         brain zaps

·         extreme brain pressure (like a elastic wrapped around the top of head or that it was going to explode. Also unable to run because the impact would tense the brain)   

·         sharp pains in left side of brain

·         Further into withdrawal use of computer or tv screens had to be minimal otherwise brain pressure would be aggravated

·         Periods of insanity, unable to maintain your composure

·         Neck pains

·         Low energy, weakness

·         Unable to run sometimes because the impact would tense the brain

·         All levels of awareness affected (entire brain function)



physical awareness (significant decrease of co-ordination and reflexes)


non-physical awareness (distorted reality perception)

-       Phase 1: feeling like your normal consciousness is broken

-       Phase 2: Dulling of depth perception ( dulling your perception of reality to point where you are no                               longer experiencing reality, you are watching it, as if it was a movie)     


deeper awareness

-       Time travel (waking up and feeling like you are reliving certain events of the past or that you are perceiving the world as you did when you were a child


-       Loss of connection with yourself, unable to feel you anymore (awareness only comprehendible to the individual)


-       Loss of connection with your soul, the awareness that is an innate and integral part of you. Unable to experience the present moment, trapped in a void of future and past (awareness only comprehendible to the individual when they feel the present moment again)


One day I woke up and my reality perception wasn’t distorted like before. That’s when I realised phase 2 - depth perception. As I gradually began to experience reality like I was actually living it, life became more vivid. This caused bouts of insanity as it had been so long since I had this awareness. Each day a new level of depth would become apparent.


To this day fluctuations of phase 1 have been occurring but each time it is less intense. When phase 1 was first experienced, brain zaps were in their prime. With each fluctuation, the brain zaps returned but also becoming more subtle each time. Physical awareness fluctuations have been also occurring, some days unable to drive because my reflexes are so delayed.


Now fluctuations of my soul connection are occurring. I have spontaneous memories of my normal consciousness and I can feel them unlike before they were just a black and white memory. I have all these feelings of what I once was before the drug, randomly coming through me and it’s making me insane. I’ve realised I have not been in this time space, I have not been experiencing the present moment, I feel like I’m waking up. My head pressure has also became localised to the left side of my brain and today, it felt like it wasn’t going to pop at some points. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just don’t care anymore but things seem to be getting better I think, I hope. Well that’s my story, I hope we can all heal, all the best.     

I feel this is unnecessary, that's my opinion. We have all been on anti-depressants for varying amounts of time and tapered off with different schedules. A history log is so complex that you would need to make a post on it's own for it to be properly comprehendible. However, all of this only significant to the individual, I don't know, maybe I'm missing the point.         

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi ProjectAscension , welcome to the site.

As you read around different topics , you'll see that your experiences are mirrored by many others.

It takes many months after stopping these meds. for the brain to return to normal functioning , but

this does happen , and the damage you describe is not permanent.


The point of filling in your signature with your drug history is so that readers can see your history

at a glance each time you post (it comes up under your comments). It's helpful to know what year you

started taking ad's , did that continue for 5 years or 25 years? What year / month did you stop?

How did you come off your last medications?

The better we understand your personal situation , the better position we're in to offer suggestions or advice.

Instructions are here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/


The "fluctuations" are called windows (when things are clearer) and waves (when symptoms are more aggressive / intrusive). Please

read our topic on "The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization" here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/


There are a bunch of Aussies here , and a meet-up near Brisbane if you're interested. Check out the

Australia room in the Relationships section.


You're in good company here PA.


Welcome aboard , Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...
On ‎4‎/‎12‎/‎2016 at 12:17 AM, ProjectAscension said:

You think back on the events in life that you thought was hell prior to taking the drug and we now know what hell truly feels like. 

This is s true.


PA how are you going?

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.


Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017



Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy