xyz: Lexapro, my intro

[ChessieCat]

One day a time, one hour at a time if/when needed.  None of us know what the future holds. 

 

Whoever thought six months ago that we would all be in lock down caused by a tiny little virus.

 

9 hours ago, xyz said:

I keep running on some other posts where people said that it took them these many years to recover. That is when my level of anxiety goes up and turn into panic attacks. 

 

It is highly likely that this might slow down your recovery.  There are some stressors that we have no direct control over.  However this is a stressor that you have complete control over.

 

It may have taken another person or people years to recover but there are other that recovered sooner.

 

Question:  Which group do you fall into?

 

Answer:  Nobody knows.

 

But I do know that what you are doing is not a healthy way of coping with the situation you are in.  You can decide if you are going to continue causing yourself stress or if you are going to find ways to get through it.  Like the queue analogy that I posted before we still have to go through the situation but you can spend your waiting time doing yourself harm or doing things to help yourself.

 

It's up to you - nobody else can do it for you.

 

Please start posting about non drug coping techniques you are trying.  SA is an online peer support forum.  We can only do so much.  Members need to help themselves and not work against themselves.  You might benefit from seeing a counsellor or psychologist and learning coping skills.

[xyz]

Hi chessiecat,

thank you for the tough love.

i am learning to only read positive posts from now on.

i am learning to cope with anxiety and panic surges through mindfulness of breathing- it is hard i won't lie

last night, i probably spend more time meditating and doing positive affirmations than actually sleeping.

i had adrenaline surges throughout the night.

 

i hope it will get better with time.

i am hanging onto success stories right now.

[ChessieCat]

I am really pleased to hear that you are changing your focus.

 

This webpage has a diagram showing what can happen to different areas of the body when we are anxious.  Knowing what the different reactions can help us to recognise what is happening sooner.  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm

 

One thing that I think can be helpful.  Several years ago my daughter was worried about me after my dog died.  She told me to check in with myself throughout the day to see how I was feeling so that I could reduce the stress/anxiety before it built up.  So in a similar vein I think it is helpful to use non drug calming techniques throughout the day regardless of whether you are feeling stress or anxiety.  This is how I picture it:

 

Waiting until it builds up:

Ooooooooo you might not be able to bring it all the way down so it might look like this Oooooooooooo

 

  or calming through the day:

 

oooooooooooooooo

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by ChessieCat

[xyz]

10 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

I am really pleased to hear that you are changing your focus.

 

 

 

thank you so much ChessieCat for taking the time to write on my Thread.

Despite all my symptoms, i try to continue to live through my life.

 

BB forum is really scary. People talk about permanent damage... it is fear all over.
I had a panic attack the other day only after reading some posts about terrible suffering at many years out.
some people talk about changes in gene expression, that the receptors that grow back are less sensitive to gaba. Gulp!

BUT I had 2 days of nice window after a difficult day. I couldn't believe it .
I went to bed last night to prepare myself for the worst (urgent need to urinate throughout the night, panic attacks etc) but i slept okay. 7 hours. I woke up few time in panic but was able to turn back to sleep after a few minutes. I still had fast heartbeats at 2am. (I slept from 7 to 2).

 

 I have to remind myself of this:

• I was doing very well before the setback. I meant almost 100 percent. I was sleeping 9 hours average at night. 
• I only took 2 days of rescue dose
• It has been more than 6 weeks

 

Some symptoms gone, or highly diminished : 

• Day time , day long panic attacks  seem to be gone, hope they won't come back
• Dizziness is gone
• Hot/cold - gone
• DPR - gone
• Acid like feeling on my chest- gone
• No fear in the last day, although they might come back, afraid to jinx myself,  but I have to write it down to be objective
• Head buzzing is gone during windows
• Yesterday, my T was almost inaudible,  but it pick up when I have anxiety 
• Burning is gone
• Constant need to urinate has diminished 
• Tingling- greatly diminished.
• Vision issue is better

Symptoms left:

• Heart palpitations 
• Anxiety that comes and goes. (Much lower in windows ) in the last 2 days
• Morning anxiety but no panic in the last 2 days

 

I am doing pretty well if i look at what i can do:

• I can take care of my 2 small kids
• I can work from home, I do creative work
• I can drive 
• I can go grocery shopping 
• I can laugh and sing along to pop music in a window
• I can clean my house
• I can excited about my life
• I can sleep okay, more than 5 hours at night in average.
• I can walk miles and miles, I can bike miles and miles

 

The positive Changes of that setback

• No more caffeine whatsoever 
• No more processed food, I only eat clean
• Lost 13lbs
• No more supplements, i was on 5. Now, i only take my melatonin which give me predictable sleep
• Praying to God a lot, I bought myself a crucifix and have been saying prayers several times a day.
• When in windows, having so much gratitude for my life
• Adoring my husband more for his support 
• no more sweating the small stuff in life

 

I have to write this down to remind myself that overall i am improving

This is progress right?  I am not jinxing myself, right?

[JackieDecides]

On 6/10/2020 at 2:23 AM, xyz said:

This is progress right?  I am not jinxing myself, right?

 

YES it is very good progress.  

 

no such thing as jinxing yourself and whenever you have that kind of thought go right back to this (an EXCELLENT report!) 

 

 

On 6/10/2020 at 2:23 AM, xyz said:

I am doing pretty well if i look at what i can do:

• I can take care of my 2 small kids
• I can work from home, I do creative work
• I can drive 
• I can go grocery shopping 
• I can laugh and sing along to pop music in a window
• I can clean my house
• I can excited about my life
• I can sleep okay, more than 5 hours at night in average.
• I can walk miles and miles, I can bike miles and miles

 

[xyz]

Suicidal and reinstatement?
hi,\i am not doing well at all. i have serious suicidal ideation.

i am widthrawing from my large rescue dose of valium and the symptoms are too immense.

i have akitesia and insomnia. constant adrenal surge throughout the day and night, full body jerks, burning chest, arms and eye, scalp.

i constantly think about death as a way to end my misery.

i don't know what to do.

i was thinking of re-instating my meds at a low dosage to alleviate the symptoms. my husband thinks that it is a better solution.

please help

 

Edited July 12, 2020 by ChessieCat
added topic title

[xyz]

Hi, I am not doing well at all. i have serious suicidal ideation.

i am widthrawing from my large rescue dose of valium and the symptoms are too immense.

i have akitesia and insomnia. constant adrenal surge throughout the day and night, full body jerks, burning chest, arms and eye, scalp, chest pain, inner trembling.

i constantly think about death as a way to end my misery. I don't want to go to the hospital.

i don't know what to do.

i was thinking of re-instating my meds at a low dosage to alleviate the symptoms. my husband thinks that it is a better solution.

please help

[ChessieCat]

We need to know more about what has happened since 25th May please.

 

Have you missed any doses of your Lexapro?

 

Have you made any reductions of Lexapro?  If yes, what doses and when?

 

Have you taken any more Xanax or Valium?

 

Have you stopped are started anything else; eg supplements, antihistamines for allergies, stopped or started hormone therapy of any kind?

 

Have you been sick?

 

Have you taken any antibiotics?

 

Have you had any major life stressors, like the death of a friend or pet?

 

Any major financial, work or relationship stressors?  Holidays, visitors?

 

Edited July 12, 2020 by ChessieCat

[xyz]

none of these

i have not reinstated the meds. just took the rescue doses and stopped.

i am in benzo withdrawal. it has been 3 months.

i am not doing well at all, please help.

i have bad akitasia and can't sleep- will it go away if i re-instate the valium?

[ChessieCat]

 

5 minutes ago, xyz said:

i have not reinstated the meds. just took the rescue doses and stopped.

 

Whenever discussing drugs, please state the drug name .

 

I've asked the other mods for their assistance.

 

My personal opinion is that I think it would be risky to take any valium.

 

 

 

 

[xyz]

i am also borderline suicidal

[ChessieCat]

 

5 hours ago, xyz said:

Did Shep have a setback?

 

Are you asking if Shep ever had a setback during her time getting off drugs?

 

OR

 

Are you asking if Shep has had a recent setback because she is not posting very often at the moment?

 

If the latter, Shep is okay but:

  

On 6/12/2020 at 2:14 AM, Altostrata said:

 

The Benzo forum is temporarily closed to new topics. We will not be taking on new people to counsel about benzo tapering or withdrawal syndrome.

 

Staff is not available to answer questions in this forum. Shep has taken a leave to attend to many emergencies in her own life.

 

Current members of this forum can post in each others' topics to provide support.

 

If you require active benzo counseling, please go to Benzobuddies.org or join one of the many Facebook groups about benzo tapering and withdrawal.

 

 

Edited July 12, 2020 by ChessieCat

[Altostrata]

6 hours ago, xyz said:

i have not reinstated the meds. just took the rescue doses and stopped.

 

What rescue doses? We haven't heard from you since early June.

[xyz]

30 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

What rescue doses? We haven't heard from you since early June.

 rescue dose in april's post- sorry feeling so bad right now

[Altostrata]

Has anything happened since March? Have you drunk alcohol, taken antibiotics or other drugs, been staying up too late, been out in the sun?

[xyz]

no, in april i had panic attack caused by MSG and was in acute for 1 week, i was suicidal , had aka., didn't sleep and took big rescue dose to calm down. it is on this thread.

i want to alleviate the symptoms and was wondering if going back on it or on lexapro at a low low dosage would help. like 0.2mg

[Altostrata]

I don't know. After you went off Lexapro, on 5/17/19, how did you feel?

[xyz]

very well, healed

i think i need to go back on 0.2mg of valium and 0.2mg of lexapro.

the obsessive thoughts are difficult

[Erell]

On 7/12/2020 at 7:50 AM, xyz said:

Hi, I am not doing well at all. i have serious suicidal ideation.

i am widthrawing from my large rescue dose of valium and the symptoms are too immense.

i have akitesia and insomnia. constant adrenal surge throughout the day and night, full body jerks, burning chest, arms and eye, scalp, chest pain, inner trembling.

i constantly think about death as a way to end my misery. I don't want to go to the hospital.

i don't know what to do.

i was thinking of re-instating my meds at a low dosage to alleviate the symptoms. my husband thinks that it is a better solution.

please help

 

Hi,

If I understand, you felt better lately.

Since when do you have these symptoms ?

[JackieDecides]

On 6/8/2020 at 3:25 PM, ChessieCat said:

One day a time, one hour at a time if/when needed.  None of us know what the future holds. 

 

Whoever thought six months ago that we would all be in lock down caused by a tiny little virus.

 

 

It is highly likely that this might slow down your recovery.  There are some stressors that we have no direct control over.  However this is a stressor that you have complete control over.

 

It may have taken another person or people years to recover but there are other that recovered sooner.

 

Question:  Which group do you fall into?

 

Answer:  Nobody knows.

 

But I do know that what you are doing is not a healthy way of coping with the situation you are in.  You can decide if you are going to continue causing yourself stress or if you are going to find ways to get through it.  Like the queue analogy that I posted before we still have to go through the situation but you can spend your waiting time doing yourself harm or doing things to help yourself.

 

It's up to you - nobody else can do it for you.

 

Please start posting about non drug coping techniques you are trying.  SA is an online peer support forum.  We can only do so much.  Members need to help themselves and not work against themselves.  You might benefit from seeing a counsellor or psychologist and learning coping skills.

 

 

I quoted the post above because it's so good and I think you should read it again. I think I need to follow the advice & that's the main reason I'm not here daily like I used to be, trying to care for myself. 

 

  I don't know what will happen if you take more of the drugs and you don't know, either.  you hope it will help but what if it doesn't? what if it makes things worse? 

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. please take care of yourself the best you can. walk! bike!  

 

keep posting. 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi xyz, 

 

How have you been going?💛

[Frogie]

@xyz

 

How are you?